The Ring Chapter 29… There you are
Hi everyone, I had a hard time writing this chapter…and also it came easy…it may disappoint some of you...there is angst, but there is still story to tell. Things still have to play out, before we get the happy ending…IF we get the happy ending…guess we'll have to see. We still have problems to fix/ relationships to fix/ and hearts that need mending… reviews are appreciated…they drive me to keep going and motivates me to get out the story faster… Thank you to those who leave them…
Madi didn't remember falling asleep, but sometime in the night she did. The next morning she woke on top of her bed with her rifle beside her. The fire had gone out and she was freezing. She didn't want to get up but forced herself so she could restart the fire and get warm. She peeked out the door', just in case the stranger was there, waiting to kill her and she was grateful that he wasn't.
Once she got her fire going and warmed her body, she ate a handful of dried berried and nuts then made her way to the river to check her snares. She carried her rifle and was careful; looking for a long time before going into the open. She needed to make sure the stranger wasn't anywhere near. "Damn," she said when she saw the empty snares. She quickly looked up across the river and rushed back up the bank to the cover of the tree line. She didn't see any one, but didn't want to take any chances.
She was anxious and had to see if there was any sign the stranger may have crossed the river, so she made her way carefully upstream back to her favorite look out spot and sure enough, there he was. He was trying to spear a fish.
She watched him, and slowly picked up her rifle. She held the scope to her eye and tried to find him in it. "There you are," she said as she focused in on the stranger. Madi held Bellamy's face in her rifle scope. "I could take you out right now," she said to herself. She saw his expression change slightly and moved the scope as he did. He speared a fish and with little expression, he removed it from his spear. He quickly knelt by the river; gutted the fish and cleaned it out.
Madi kept the rifle focused on him, watching his every move. She was waiting for any sigh that he might decide to cross the river, but she didn't see any. Suddenly she heard movement behind her.
The Cave:
Bellamy was up before daybreak. He started cutting small saplings and hauling them to the entrance of his cave.
Everything he did, he tried to focus on, using any task to keep his mind busy. Looking at the young trees and chopping them down had meaning. His eyes were watery and nothing helped him. Seeing the child yesterday just brought back memories he needed to forget; Octavia as a little girl, Octavia as a killer. It seemed like everything reminded him of something he wanted to forget. He refocused on cutting trees until he had a decent amount. Once he had a nice stack, he stopped. His arms were tired, but his belly was crying for something to eat, and berries weren't sufficient enough, so he picked up his spear and headed to the river.
He took a glance around and didn't see anyone. He thought maybe if he was lucky, the grounders were far downstream from him.
Bellamy noticed the water seemed colder and realized winter was going to get here sooner than he thought. He needed to build a smoker and start trying to dry some fish for the winter.
Getting his fish was faster this time, he was surprised at how easy this catch was. He immediately knelt at the river gutted it and washed the cavity out in the water. He laid it on a rock and quickly washed his hands in the cold water before picking up his breakfast and turned to go home.
Inside his cave he built up his fire and lay the fish out on a stone. It cooked rather quickly and he ate it even faster. He grabbed his water pouch and cursed himself for not taking it with him earlier. He headed towards the river to refill it, dumping his fish bones along the way.
Clarke got an early start and by the time she reached camp the dew had just dried on the wild grass. She pulled into their camp and wondered where Madi was. She went into the shed, and everything looked in place. It was a relief. She saw where Madi had stockpiled nuts, potatoes and onions.
She saw the unmade bed, but there was a fire in the fireplace, and she shook her head.
"Careless," she mumbled. "You could have burned the place down," she said to herself. The idea of the criminals running about still had her nervous so she took her rifle. She went outside and down to the river, saw the empty snares and picked up Madi's footprints. Clarke followed along until she saw Madi hiding behind a ridge with her rifle aimed across the river.
One twig snap and Madi turned quick. Clarke knelt down beside her. "Hey, what are you aiming at?" she whispered squatting alongside her.
"Nomon," Madi smiled and sat her rifle down. She wrapped her arms around Clarke's neck and squeezed tight. She pulled away and pointed towards the river.
"There's a stranger across the river. I've been watching him," she said "I'm afraid he might have seen me yesterday while I was setting my snares," she admitted, hoping Clarke wouldn't be upset because shadows are never seen.
"Did he say anything?" Clarke asked
"No," Madi said "He seems odd though," she said
Clarke swung her rifle off her shoulder and looked through the scope. "Odd how?" she asked with a one eye closed while the other one peered through the scope as she tried to look at the stranger Madi had been watching.
"I don't see anyone," Clarke said putting the gun down
"He just left, but he was here a minute ago cleaning his fish," Madi answered.
"What do you mean he's odd?" Clarke asked again with alertness to her question "Is it just one man? You haven't seen any others?" Clarke pressed her for answers.
"He looks sad. I don't think he's going to make it through the winter to be quite honest," Madi said "I thought it might be good to shoot him. You know like you did with that bird last spring. You said it was suffering so you twisted its neck." She said
Clarke studied Madi's face. "What makes you think he's suffering?" Clarke asked her.
"Well…the first day I saw him, he snared a rabbit, but he let it go, then he laid down in the grass and I think he might have been crying," she said.
"If someone don't have the guts to kill a rabbit, they are going to starve to death," she said shaking her head.
Clarke looked across the river at where Madi said the man had been. "What did he look like?" she asked
"He was old with long black hair and there was hair all on his face too," she said
"Did he look like one of the people from the prison ship?' Clarke asked. "You remember, they dressed different than us, did he have a rifle?"
No, I just saw a spear, and a knife," Madi said "He didn't dress like the prison people, I don't think…he was just wearing clothes," Madi answered "Do you think he's one of the monsters?" she asked
"I don't know," Clarke mumbled looking again at the other side of the river.
Clarke wasn't sure what to do. She thought for a minute. "If he's one of the escaped prisoners, I can let his people know where he is; without getting involved," she thought. But something pulled at her to check things out. "This is stupid," she thought. "I shouldn't get involved. Confronting an escaped convict will only put Madi at risk,"
Still something was urging her to check it out. "Madi," she said finally. She sat on her hunches and took the young girl by the arm meeting her at eye level. "Listen to me. I need you to go back to camp and load the rover. All our provisions, the blankets, everything," she said
"Where are we going?" Madi asked.
"Were going home to Arkadia," Clarke said
"But…" Madi looked confused
"No," Clarke cut her off," do as I say," Clarke gave her a stern look
"What are you going to do?" Madi asked
"I'm just going to check out this guy, see if I can figure out who he is," she said
"But Nomon, what if he's a monster?" Madi asked with her eyes big and full of worry.
"You do as I say, and you stay at the camp," she stressed "I'm not going to get too close, I just need to make sure he's not one of the men their people are looking for" Clarke said.
"Madi nodded. She knew Clarke was a bad ass and could easily kill the sad man if he was a real monster.
"You got to cross the river downstream," Madi said and pointed towards the crossing point where Clarke could use the rocks in the shallow area.
Clarke shook her head yes, "Now do as I say; load everything, we won't be coming back," she said with a sternness to her tone.
Madi nodded and hurried back towards camp.
Clarke got to the shallow part of the river and just before she left the tree line she sat for a minute and scanned the area. She needed to make sure no one was watching from the opposite bank. It looked quiet. There was no sign of anyone.
She quickly made her way to the river's edge and stepped from rock to rock. A wider jump, and she was finally across. She squatted down quickly pulling her rifle up in front of her. She looked around and still didn't see anything. She quickly rushed to the tree line and quietly made her way through the thick forest. Her heart was racing, unsure if she were making a mistake by checking this person out. Her head was telling her to turn around, put Madi in the rover and go home to Arkadia; but something in her gut urged her on. "I can't believe I'm doing this," she said to herself.
She went farther than she thought she would have to and was about to give up and go home, but she suddenly came across the familiar smell of a campfire. She slowed and tried to follow the scent. It took her towards the mountain and realized he must be holed up in a cave. Around the corner she saw a pile of fresh cut saplings, and she smelled fish cooking. She slowed and eyed the area. If there were more than one, they may have a look out. She wanted to get the jump on them. She raised her rifle and looked towards the cave entrance, but the angle she was at made it so that she couldn't see anything.
Her heart was racing. She rechecked her rifle. Finally she rushed towards the entrance, keeping to the caves outer wall, all the while taking in the area. She looked in the cave. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust. When they did, she saw no one was there. A pile of drying cedar in the corner, a back pack next to the rocky wall, the fire still burning, and a neatly built bed on the back wall was all she saw. She went towards the back pack to see if it held any clues of who may be there, but there was little there. A knife, a tee shirt, she didn't see much.
She heard his boots crunch against the rocky pebble filled ground and she looked up and saw him. She couldn't mistake that frame, the familiar gate that she thought of; dreamed of. He was walking towards the cave, looking down and carrying a water pouch.
The second he stepped inside he saw her. His eyes met hers and he froze. The shock of seeing her, the ghost of her…was she real? It was just a split second that he felt his knees go weak. He let the water pouch slip from his hands. "Clarke?" his raspy voice could barely say the name. His brows raised in shock not believing she was standing there. He had buried her in his mind a million times, and yet here she was standing in front of him.
Clarke's eye lit up. "Bellamy?" she cried and raced to him. She dropped her rifle and wrapped her arms around him. Holding him tight and feeling his lean body pressed against hers. Feeling his warmth as it enveloped her.
He pulled back and looked at her, the shock on his face was unmistakable. "Is it you," he whispered "Your alive?" he asked her as if not believing his eyes. He touched her face, letting his trembling fingers softly slide down the side of her temple and down to her cheek with shaking hands. "You're alive? He whispered again. "All this time, you've been alive," he said again. Suddenly his eyes changed to deep sadness "I left you behind," he said with the ugly realization of what he had done. He choked at the idea that she spent all these years alone. Tears flooded his eyes and he pulled her close. "I left you, I'm so sorry," he cried silently. "I should have waited for you," he clung to her. He didn't want to let her go. "I'm so sorry," he kept saying. His body shook as he clung to her, not believing she was here.
"Bellamy, you did what you had to do," she whispered into his neck. "You did what had to be done," she said again. She remembered the feel of his arms, they felt like home to her. It had been so long since she felt his warm embrace. "I missed you so much," she whispered.
They finally parted and he looked at her again. He was so close, he could feel her breath. "The night blood worked," he said wiping his eyes. "I should have gone to the tower. I kept thinking, if only I'd been the one to go." he said with heavy regret unable to face what he had done.
"She looked at him and shook her head, "No," she said "If you'd gone instead of me; the radiation would have killed you. Look at us, were both alive, Bellamy; and that's because you used your head." She said.
"But 6 years…," he said and shook his head.
"6 years," she repeated back to him as she smiled and touched his cheek, running her hand over his short beard.
Clarke looked around and suddenly the realization hit her "Bellamy, why are you here, where's the others? Are you out here alone?"
Bellamy struggled with her question…He shook his head and took a step back turning away. He looked back at her. "It's not important. Just seeing you here…" he was at a loss for words.
He took her hand and walked over to the bed pulling her down to sit next to him. "Tell me what happened. The fire, radiation…where'd you go?" he asked "Tell me everything," he said trying to divert her questions.
"No I'll get to that," she said knowing he was ignoring her question "but Bellamy, talk to me, what's going on?" she pressed "Why are you out here by yourself?"
"He couldn't meet her eyes, he looked away, staring at the ground, and his face changed to something hollow and cold. "I'm where I need to be for now," he said with just a hint of sadness in an otherwise emotionless tone.
"Bellamy come with me," she said. "We can go home. The bunkers open, everyone's back in Arkadia. I saw Kane and he said everyone was there. My mom, I've not heard from them all this time," she said.
A frown crossed his gaze. He looked at her. "You need to go, Clarke," he said forcing a smile. "You should be with your mom," he said
"But it's your home too Bellamy," she said. "What about Octavia?" she asked unable to read him, she could sense something was off. "Please talk to me," she asked
"I…I can't," he said with a shaky voice. He turned his gaze away as if he could step out of the ugliness of what happened. He couldn't talk about it, he couldn't say what happened, fearing it would drag him into a black pit he wouldn't be able to crawl out of. He let out a heavy sigh.
Clarke thought of Madi's description of him. She described him as sad. She reached over and grabbed his forearm, forcing him to look at her. "Bellamy, what the hell's going on. Something happened, and I think I deserve to know," she said forcefully.
He looked at her and smiled. "You're still the same," he said in a lighter tone "always trying to fix things," he said taking her hand and looking at how small hers was in his.
"Bellamy…" she said softly in a pleading tone
He put on a lighter façade and forced a convincing tone. "I've been stuck in that steel hull of a ship for 6 years with the same people." He said "I can't go back to Arkadia; back to the steel walls, not again," he said. "I need to be out here, at least for a while," he said "I need time to figure stuff out."
Clarke wasn't buying it. "Bellamy, Arkadia is our home, our families are there," she said
"I don't have…" he started but stopped himself from saying "family"; afraid to say the words. "I don't have a home there. Not anymore," he said "but you need to be there. Your mom's there, she needs to see you Clarke."
"Bellamy, I don't know what happened , or what's going on," she said shaking her head "but whatever it is we can fix it, together, remember?" she said looking at him.
He looked at her and knew he couldn't. There was no fixing things this time; no going back for him. He wrapped her in his arms. Her warm embrace was enough to drive him to his knees and it was also enough to give him the strength he needed. He took a deep breath before pulling away. He took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. "I know it may sound selfish, but it's my turn," he said with a raspy voice. He struggled to get the words out without choking. "I can't go back, Clarke. This is where I need to be, and you need to be with your people."
"Our people," she corrected him.
He didn't say any more.
He drew his mouth into a tight line, stood up and walked to the water pouch he had dropped and scooped it up. He looked down at it, emptying the small amount that was still left inside. He turned to go back to the river and refill it, but he stopped and looked at it in his hands. He turned just enough to see her. "I should have been the one to go to that tower," he said softly "things would have been so much easier" he said.
"Please don't be here when I come back," he said
Clarke watched him go. Her face twisted in confusion and hurt. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stared at the empty cave entrance. She picked up her rifle and went out. He was nowhere in sight. She made her way back towards the river crossing and back to camp. She felt numb as if the wind had been knocked out of her.
"I'll fix this Bellamy," she said before she found Madi waiting for her at the rover.
"Did you kill him?" she asked
"No, Madi. I didn't kill him," she said not letting the child see her red rimmed eyes. "Did you get everything?" she asked her
"Was he a monster?" she asked
"Madi, did you get everything?" Clarke repeated with a bite to her tone.
"Yes ma'am," Madi answered and she knew not to say any more.
"Okay let's go. We have a long trip ahead ," she said as she climbed into the rover.
Bellamy walked north. He wasn't sure how long he walked, but he just needed space. He finally collapsed in a heap and released everything. He felt such sorrow, wanting things to be different. Clarke was alive. Why didn't he go back with her? "She's alive," he cried out. It was as if it made things harder; knowing she was here, alive on Earth and he couldn't let her in. He couldn't let anyone in, not anymore. Nothing would release him from the pain he felt. Things he couldn't say or talk about to anyone without breaking down.
Seeing her, holding her, touching her; it was tearing him up, reminders of the old life he was trying so desperately to forget; a life he couldn't go back to. The realization of leaving her behind to suffer alone for 6 years on this ugly dead planet added another layer of silt that sat deep in his gut, making him want to retch. Finally he threw up, the stress and anguish over took him until he was an empty shell.
He had to let her go. He had done enough to her. Everything he touched turned sour, and this was just more proof. He couldn't bring his self to move, Bellamy lay there the remainder of the day, mentally exhausted, physically and emotionally drained. Sleep over took him in patches, waking in a fog of mixed emotions and as darkness began to creep in, the cold came with it. He forced himself to his feet, and a shiver ran through his body. He knew he had to get back to the cave. He hoped she respected his wishes, but even wondering about that brought reminders of what he couldn't have, of what he didn't deserve. His self-exile had to start from the beginning, all over again. Shutting out everything he once knew and held dear. He had to let go if he didn't want to drown.
