Thanks, as always, to the PTB betas for their editing skills. I feel like we haven't had a long chapter in a while. I hope this one has been worth the wait.


Chapter 25

All Bella was doing was sitting in a car, and yet, her heart was beating as though she were being dragged toward the edge of a cliff. An echo of voices came and went. She felt arms surround her pressing her gently and saw fleeting images of familiar faces. It seemed like a myriad of teary goodbyes, but Bella couldn't concentrate enough to be sure. Everything was a blur, like a soundless, black and white movie with fuzzy outlines and disjointed frames.

A reverberation echoed as a car door slammed shut beside her. Awoken from the haze, Bella peered through the glass and lifted a hand in a dazed farewell to Bethesda's staff. Leah, her night nurse, was at the front of the cluster smiling brightly. Reflexively, Bella smiled in return, but it was as brittle as the painted smile and glossy-eyed china doll.

A burst of cool air had filled the car as Edward slid inside. Edward, always conscious of her needs, had thoughtfully left the car running to keep the rainy April chill at bay.

"Ready?" Edward asked, chaffing his hands to warm them.

Bella's fearful look softened as she drank in the sight of him. His cheeks were flushed with the cold, and his jacket had drops of rain bubbling on the surface. His hair was in beautiful disarray, tussled by the wind. He didn't much resemble the clean-cut boy who'd stepped into her hospital room seven months ago. She remembered the way his throat bobbed nervously and the sudden intensity of his gaze the moment their eyes met. Only now did Bella understand what lay behind that look. Edward hadn't been scared for himself; he'd been scared for her. For only someone with a heart as compassionate as Edward's could truly feel everything she had felt: frozen, isolated, alien.

She could see it in him again, that compassion, that fear. When he held out his hand to her, she quickly reached for it and felt immediately comforted as his hand wrapped around hers. He was there, holding her, healing her, making her strong … making her brave.

As they pulled away from Bethesda, Bella could feel her fingers go numb and her start breaths come short. Edward traced his thumb slowly and gently over her knuckles. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. He was showing her he'd stand by her, and for once, she didn't feel alone.

Familiar streets turned to back roads until a blur of green matched a memory of gold and orange and brown. Bella rolled forward placing her head in her hands.

"What is it?" Edward asked. The anxiety in his voice echoed over the murmuring engine as the car jerked to the right, knocking Bella in the opposite direction. If they drove for just a few more seconds, they'd land in the exact spot where her beloved Mustang careened off the road.

"Don't stop," Bella cried, eyes shut tight against the scene. "For God's sake, not here."

"Bella!"

"Please," she begged, trying to keep the scene from replaying in her mind.

"Your head?" he questioned, turning his head to look at her and then back at the road. Bella could hear the tremor of fear in his voice.

"I'm fine," she said even though it was obvious she wasn't. "Just keep your hands on the wheel and take me home." Her words were ground out with the effort required to keep her in the here and now.

The site of her feigned accident should not have made her feel like this. Yet all Bella wanted to do was stop the car, lie on the ground and feel completely still … no car moving beneath her, no radio echoing in her ears. Only the feel of sunshine on her skin and solid earth beneath her fingertips could will away the clawing anxiety. She felt powerless, unable to stop the motion of time, unable to keep her story from reaching its inevitable end. With every mile left behind she sped away from the safety of the walls of Bethesda North and toward her day of reckoning.

No one within the Mii project could have predicted the mountains she would have to climb to recover simple movements like talking, feeding herself and walking. Some would say her penance had been made through seven months of physical rehabilitation. Deep down, Bella knew it was still yet to come.

Now, as it was in her nightmares, she bore Bella's face and Isabella's scars. They still lay hidden but in order to carve out a life in this existence, she'd have to bare them to the public. More regretfully, she'd have to bare them to Edward.

Edward's hand lifted from hers and spread over her back. One hand held the wheel, the other pressed against her spine, then shoulders and neck. She could feel her new body's traitorous call. What had happened to her wall? Where was the steel she'd constructed around herself, distancing her heart from this, from him?

She knew Edward had strong feelings for her. It was impossible not to see it in his eyes or feel it in his touch. And shameful as it was, she not only needed it, she craved it. Only, once Edward knew the truth, those eyes would never see her the same way again. The anxiety over that looming moment clenched her heart like a vice. It made her wish she really could be Bella and not a facsimile of the woman Edward thought he loved.

The car rolled to a stop. There was a telltale click, and then Bella felt the tension of her seatbelt release its restraint. A second later she was in Edward's arms, sandwiched between his broad chest and the steering wheel at her back.

"You're okay. You're okay," Edward crooned. "You're here with me. You're safe."

Words and actions meant to soothe sliced through her heart as deftly as a knife. The tourniquet Edward was providing would only cause more damage once it was ripped away.

"Come home with me," he whispered. "You don't have to stay here."

Bella pushed against his chest, willing her body to yield to what she knew was right. Edward released her and cupped her face in his hands. His thumbs traced her jaw while his eyes searched for acquiesce. She shook her head no, unable to say the words as she rolled back to her seat. Edward let out a quiet sigh and reached for the door handle.

"Wait for me to come help you out."

After Bella had nodded, Edward leapt from the car to gather two small bags from the back. The door beside her opened, allowing a rush of cold air to redden her cheeks.

It was still a struggle to lift each leg and pivot, but Edward waited patiently and allowed her to do the work. Moving to a stand, with Edward's arms securely wrapped around her waist, Bella found her footing. She smiled slightly, momentarily glad at how her new body had responded. For the first time in a long time she really felt both strong and whole.

They'd made it about halfway up the driveway when her foot faltered against a loose stone. Bella didn't need Edward to keep her upright, her balance was getting better, but his hold on her tightened nonetheless. For a moment, she wondered how he would manage without her to look after. As much as she needed his touch, she knew he craved hers in return.

"Excuse me," a voice called from behind.

Bella turned to find her neighbor, Mr. Stanley, hefting a large box he held in his arms. Kiel Stanley had broken his ankle last winter slipping on a patch of ice. He wasn't as old as Isabella was, maybe in his late-fifties, but she distinctly remembered him walking with a cane all summer and throughout the fall.

"Mr. Stanley, how are you doing?"

The man froze and squinted, looking at her as though he were trying to place her from a memory tucked in the back of his mind.

"Have we met?" he asked warily.

Her mouth opened, she could feel her tongue press against her teeth. The words stuck, unable to be spoken. Edward released one hand and outstretched the other.

"I'm Edward Mason and this is Bella Dwyer. Can I take that for you?"

"Uh, sure," Stanley answered with a nod in Bella's direction. "Her name is on the box."

"Thank you," Bella said once her mouth had caught up with her racing mind. "Isabella, my grandmother, spoke kindly of you. She always appreciated you cleaning snow off her walk for her."

Stanley smiled and shrugged sheepishly in response.

"Are you moving in?" he asked hopefully with a tilt of his head toward the condo. "There aren't a lot of young people here," he said a little wistfully. "It's kind of quiet, but it's a good neighborhood."

Edward's normally pleasant face melted into a frown. Mr. Stanley was just looking out for the community. No one wanted to see a home in the neighborhood stay vacant for very long. It was bad for property values. Somehow, Bella didn't think Edward received Mr. Stanley's comment as it was intended.

"Bella's still recovering from the accident," Edward said a little gruffly. "We're going to make sure she finds a place where she feels comfortable and safe."

The word we're was said with so much emphasis that it was impossible to go unnoticed.

Mr. Stanley nodded. "Well, I hope you'll find it here." He leaned around Edward to catch Bella's eyes. "It was nice to meet you, Bella. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything. The number's in the phone book."

Bella waved him off while Edward dropped the box on the step. He took her by the hand and guided her to the front door with a look of disgust on his face.

"What?" she asked, startled by revulsion.

"He's like thirty years older than you. That was disgusting."

The bubble of laughter in Bella's chest grew and grew until she couldn't hold it any longer. It erupted in a delirious fit that had Edward looking at her as if she'd suddenly gone mad. "He wasn't flirting, Edward. The idea of it is absurd."

"Maybe to you, but to him … not so much."

Bella covered her mouth in disbelief while Edward fished a set of keys out of his pocket and handed them to her. The familiar silver script letter I glinted in the porch light. Bella filled her lungs with a heavy breath and reached for the keys. She recoiled slightly as the cool metal settled in the palm of her hand.

An unnerving feeling of Déjà Vu swept over her. She had handed these symbols of her life and work over to Alistair Drake just days before her life as Isabella came to an end. Now she was taking them back, but her life and her work would never be the same.

The anxiety was back with a vengeance, creeping over her skin like a poisonous vine. Her hand trembled and the ring of keys fell from her fingertips as she struggled to fit one into the lock. Edward bent down and retrieved them, placing the house key in the lock and turning it until the customary click granted them admission.

The seal of the weather-stripping gave way with a moist sticking sound. Months of disuse had evidently dried out the seam, but she was distracted from the sound as the familiar scent of home washed over her. Though difficult to describe, when she breathed it in, she thought of soft cotton, Earl Grey and her favorite blanket resting on the back of her couch. Her shoulders relaxed as she turned to look at Edward. She winced slightly, wondering if he would find it comforting or if the scent only conjure thoughts of old lady smell.

Edward's eyes were soft, staring at her with a mixture of sympathy and concern. One hand held her securely beneath the elbow; the other was wrapped around her shoulders, ready to support her should she fall. Though he stood poised to catch her, she felt the tender sweep of his thumb over her shoulder wanting to take away her hurt and ease the pain of her loss. Bella shook her head, realizing now more than ever, how wrong it was to deceive this man.

Releasing her, Edward made his way across the room and fumbled to switch on the lamp that was next to the couch. His steps made tracks across the plush pile carpet. The rain had stopped not long after they'd left Bethesda and the clouds lifted just in time to showcase the final strands of early evening gold. Sunlight bathed the room in amber as it streamed through her window sheers. Bella reached out a hand to touch them, imagining the feel of the translucent material sliding over her fingertips. She'd loved them and a chagrinned smile spread over her face as she remembered the backbreaking day she'd spent ironing and hanging them.

Edward brought her out of her musing with a gentle squeeze to her hand. Though he'd left her side for only an instant, Bella felt the instant loss of his warmth. She silently wondered if the sensation was a portent for losing Edward or only the overwhelming idea of blending her life as Isabella with this new one. She shuddered, determinedly shelving an unknown future for the manifestation of her past. As she looked around, taking in the things she'd loved, she wondered if she should keep them—if it was possible to live contently amongst the mementos of her old life.

The screen door shut with a bang as Edward stepped outside. He returned a moment later, carrying the package delivered by Mr. Stanley. Bella looked on distantly as Edward laid the package on her outdated, marble coffee table, his broad back flexing with the movement. Edward was so young, strong, and full of life. It made her wonder if he felt uncomfortable being here, so at odds with the stagnant belongings of an elderly scientist.

He stood and turned back to her. When he did, Bella saw that he wasn't looking at Isabella's belongings; he was looking at her. The comforting smile he offered made her burdens feel a little lighter.

Edward led her to the couch and knelt before her. He took her shaking hands in his and returned her weak smile. "Hey," he said soothingly. "I'm just going to get the bags, okay?" After seeing Bella's nod of ascent, he rose to his feet and left.

The package he'd set before her was wrapped in brown craft paper. It was clearly addressed to Bella, not Isabella. Bella chewed her lower lip. Only someone from the Mii project would have sent it … Esme perhaps? There was no return address, no way to know for sure. The paper tore beneath her fingertips revealing a large white box from a department store or boutique. Like the craft paper, it was non-descript revealing nothing of its contents or the sender. The lid slid from its bottom with a burping sound and the ruffle of tissue paper. As Bella set the box lid aside a single sheet of paper folded in half drifted to the floor, freed from where it had been trapped beneath the lid. Bella leaned over to pick it up, it revealed a joyful wish from a child to a distant friend.

Tears blurred Bella's eyes, melting Cyndi's picture into wavy lines of bright color. There were three figures in the picture; two were covered in brown hair, the third was clearly bald. Cyndi stood next to her mommy, holding a flower in one hand and waving with the other. Her house stood in the background; Bella recognized the yellow paint and brown front door. In the foreground was a stick figure on a hospital bed. She too was waving and smiling. On a rough triangle next to the hospital bed sat a brown blob. It was an empty jar awaiting Cyndi's flower, her gift of color and light.

Edward's hand swept over Bella's short locks and paused at the nape of her neck. Deafened by her sob, she hadn't realized he'd returned with the bags. His breath washed over the shell of her ear as he sat down and leaned over her staring at Cyndi's picture.

"You doing okay?"

She nodded and Edward answered in the same way.

"She's getting better," he said with a small smile and a nod indicating the picture.

"She is."

"What's in the box?"

"Haven't gotten that far."

Bella sniffed then peeled back the paper to reveal brightly colored shirts and summer shorts. There were new pajamas, and a few delicates among the piles. Edward coughed nervously then stood.

"Take me on a tour?" he asked with an outstretched hand.

"There's not much to see," Bella shrugged, motioning with her hand as she spoke. "Bedroom, office, kitchen, a few baths and a den. It's not much, but it was enough for her."

"I'm not asking so I can judge your grandmother's choice of wall paper," Edward said with a derisive grin. "I want to see how easily you can move around from room to room. We'll move some things to make it less hazardous for you. This coffee table is going to go, obviously."

"What? Why?"

"Because it would hurt like hell if you fell into it or tripped over it. We're moving it. We can always move it back later."

"Fine," Bella said frowning.

Edward was as good as his word, removing stumbling blocks from around the house and all but forbidding Bella to venture into the office.

"The room is a walking obstacle course."

"It was a sanctuary."

She watched Edward step into the room and run a light finger over her father's portrait, then the picture of her at the beach with her mother when she was a child. He frowned for a moment then called over his shoulder.

"Where are you? I was hoping to find a few awkward pictures of you with bad hair and braces."

Random explanations sped through her mind, but the only sound she could get to leave her lips was a quiet, uhhm.

"Hey," Edward called out, fortuitously distracted by another photograph. "This is my uncle."

Bella cautiously stepped into the room as Edward lifted the silver guilt frame from its dusty hiding spot. It was a picture from the day she accepted the Gairdner Award. Carlisle cheered louder than anyone else when she'd concluded her acceptance speech. The polished philanthropist was not known for raucous outbursts.

"Carlisle Cullen is your uncle? The one who helped you get into school?"

"The one who paid my way into school," Edward said scornfully.

Suddenly Bella needed to sit down. Photograph and conversation whirled in her mind like a merry-go-round. She needed to find Alice, immediately. Find her and figure out how the hell this odd interconnection had happened. But as quickly as the thought came, reality sent Bella's shoulders slumping like the weight of the world was upon them.

She couldn't talk to Alice. Alice had walked away, not for her own sake, but for her child's. The feeling of desolation sent Bella sliding down the wall. Edward caught her in a deft lunge and lifted her bodily into his arms. Bella succumbed without protest, and in a few quick strides, Edward had her lying on her bed in her old bedroom.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry," she said, still trying to piece together how she could have missed the connection between him and Carlisle.

"You're not fine," Edward said, the stress was evident in his voice. "This is a lot for one day … too much. Why don't you lay down for a bit, try to sleep? I'll clean out the drawers in here. We can put your clothes where you want them when you wake up."

"No!" Bella screeched, shooting bolt upright. The abrupt movement had her weaving a bit, but the mere thought of Edward rummaging through her drawers was even more upsetting than discovering he was related to her benefactor. "I mean," she paused, clearing her throat before trying again. She made a concerted effort to sound more conciliatory than alarmed by his offer. "You don't have to do that, besides she may have some things I'd like to keep."

Edward reached over and grabbed Bella's hand giving it a comforting squeeze.

"I'm sure there are a lot of memories trapped in this house for you, but you don't have to do everything alone, Bella. I'll help you. We can do it together."

Nodding solemnly, Bella relented knowing she'd need help dragging the bags to the garage and eventually getting them to a donation site. After explaining where he could find a few garbage bags to separate out donations from trash, the pair settled down to work. Edward stood at the farthest left drawer of the bureau, but Bella was shaking her head no before he could even open it.

"Leave them."

The drawer held her beloved white cotton pajamas. Bella didn't care if they were three sizes too big, she'd be damned if she'd throw them out and be forced to wear Alice and Cyndi's costumes.

Edward moved down to the second drawer full of outdated shorts in pinstripe summer seersucker. Bella cringed when she saw them already wanting to burn them.

God, I really am an old lady.

"Stop!" she called out in a panic when Edward reached the top drawer on the right side.

The last thing she needed was for Edward to start pulling out her bras and grannie panties.

"This is just too much. I want…"

"I understand," Edward said cutting her off before she had to finish. He stood and pulled the drawstring on the two plastic bags they'd filled so far. "I'll…um, just take these out to the garage and leave the box from Alice and bags from the hospital on top of the dresser. When you're ready you can move in a little at a time. Just take it slow, okay."

Bella nodded vigorously, anything to get him out of that room.

"Hungry?" Edward asked.

"A little."

"How about takeout?"

"That sounds good. There's not going to be anything we can eat here anyway."

"We'll go out shopping tomorrow. How does Chinese sound?"

"Perfect," Bella moaned suddenly a lot hungrier than she'd thought. "China Garden delivers."

Edward looked surprised.

"How often did you visit your grandmother?"

Bella shrugged waving off the question while her heart pounded relentlessly at her misstep. She smiled nervously, deciding, for once, to answer with the truth. "It was the last thing I ate here."

Bella tossed the remnants of her Kung Pao shrimp into some Tupperware and handed it to Edward to put in the fridge.

"Did you see this?" he asked, pointing to a piece of loose leaf peaking out from a magnet stuck to the fridge. His brow furrowed as he read aloud. "Life doesn't always lend itself to straight lines or neat patterns. It's the wild, the different, and the unknown we are meant to follow to experience the beauty of life."

Edward rubbed a hand slowly almost distractedly over his lips, then read the second line. "Don't be afraid to take the hand others extend to you, or you may miss the chance to experience something magical."

"Isabella wrote that," Bella said turning her back to him as she stepped toward the stove. She was too startled and embarrassed to look him in the eye. "Want some tea?"

Bella felt Edward come up behind her as she moved to the sink to fill the kettle with water. He was close enough to touch, but he held himself at a distance. Bella nervously sidestepped him, lit the pilot, then came back and reached for a mug in the cabinet above the sink.

Edward stopped her, wrapping his hand over hers on the handle. It was so intimate, so warm, and yet, it was simply one hand gently covering another. Bella swallowed thickly, feeling the blood start to pound in her ears. If she didn't keep herself in check she'd wind up carelessly following her heart instead of her mind.

She slid her fingers out from beneath his grasp and turned her head back toward the bedroom.

"Keep an eye on the tea?" she asked. There was little hope of hiding the tremor in her voice. "I'm just—I'm going to change for bed."

Edward grasped her wrist, preventing her escape. He moved forward slowly, determinedly. Instinctively Bella stepped back in response. He didn't say anything; the intense look in his eye said it for him.

They continued on this path, him moving forward, her moving back, until Bella's back was pressed flat against the refrigerator. One of Edward's hands found Bella's hip. Her eyes slid shut as his thumb traced the cotton pants swathing her hipbone. A moment later a loud smack erupted from the metal refrigerator door just inches from her head making her start.

With more strength than she though she could muster, Bella turned her gaze from Edward's intense, green eyes to watch his hand dragging a magnet and paper trapped beneath it until it was level with her own. When his hand stilled, she didn't have to ask what he was doing. With a sickening realization, she knew. His fingers covered Isabella's words.

"Let me in," he said softly. His voice threaded that delicate balance between want and need.

Edward's hand had left her hip moving upward until his thumb traced the line of skin just beneath her last rib. Bella closed her eyes knowing she had no willpower to match the fire burning in his.

"Don't be afraid to take the hand others extend to you," he recited.

Bella felt the heat of Edward's breath tickle the lose hair at her ear. Her own breath came hard and heavy, her chest brushing against his with each rise and fall.

She didn't dare open her eyes, knowing her last ounce of resolve would crumble before him.

"She wrote that, Bella." Edward's voice both lulled and beseeched her. Bella shivered as his fingers traced the shell of her ear, brushing back wayward strands of hair. "Listen to what she's telling you. Don't let us miss this chance."

Silence, the length of three breaths, passed before Bella finally found her voice.

"I think you need to go home," she whispered, forcing herself to keep her eyes glued shut.

They stayed closed when she heard his grunt and felt the warmth of his body suddenly leave hers. They stayed closed when she heard her front door slam. They even stayed closed through his engine roaring to life and the echo of gears angrily shifting from reverse to drive. It was well after her body had slid to the ground that Bella opened her eyes and saw the emptiness surrounding her.

She couldn't do this to him anymore. Being perfectly honest, she couldn't do this to herself either. Edward needed to know the truth. He'd either stand by her or she'd stand alone, but either way she could no longer keep up the charade. It wasn't a mask she wore to protect herself. It was a lie, a poison strong enough to destroy her small semblance of a new life and the man she cherished within it. She would tell him, but one thing had to happen first.

Bella gathered her strength, crawled into the living room and lifted the phone to her ear. She autodialled the number; it rang only once.

"Carlisle?" Bella choked. "Call the board. I'm ready."


Alice gave her the idea ... but it was Isabella who gave her the experience. Now Bella has to live up to her words, right? Any thoughts on how it's going to go down with Carlisle?

Thanks for reading and reviewing,

-FirstBlush