November 5, 1982

What is it that makes a person straight or gay?

Some people have said its encoded in the genes, that from birth our DNA will tell us whom we are attracted to. Some people say it is how a person is raised from childhood, whether it is a traumatic experience or an unusual lifestyle or even a rough past and that how we are raised will set us up for whom we are attracted to. And then there are some people who say that it is the person who most completes us that makes us straight or gay, that one person who truly understands you, who makes you feel like a whole person, someone who truly loves you, that one someone that you were made for.

So what is it then, what makes a person straight or gay?

In my opinion, it isn't DNA or how were raised or any other scientific or psychological explanation. There is just something in our brain that tells us how we feel, makes us most comfortable and makes us most happy.

To me, Jack and Ennis don't fit any of this. Here are these two men; both raised from tough childhoods, both married once in their lives, both with kids, and both have slept with woman. And yet, they love each other; there is something in them that they are just attracted too.

I still don't understand what Ennis sees in Jack or what Jack sees in Ennis. To me, it seems that for that one summer in 63, both men were brought together, both so desperate to be touched and to be loved. Maybe they never thought of men before they met each other but when they did and that one night in the tent, where they only had each other, and somehow both understood what they wanted. In that instant, they had fallen in love.

So what makes a person straight or gay? I think no one will ever be sure what it is; the only thing we can say is that we are attracted to someone for a certain reason. Whether it be male or female, we are attracted to them…the only thing we can do is live with it.

As for what Ennis sees in Jack, I'm not sure. Maybe I'll never know. The only thing I can say for sure is…they are in love.


From what Jess could tell, most people at the school thought that Doug's comment came from being drunk and to just hurt Bobby. Practically everyone in school knew about their feud and most assumed that the whole fag comment came from the combination of alcohol and hate.

But, as Jess knew already, there were a number of people who believe there was more to Doug's comment then just a simple feud. It would explain why they never saw the two men with another woman and the fact of two men living together just didn't seem right.

So, it seemed the comment hadn't fazed a lot of people but it had certainly fazed some. And for all his years living in New York, Jess knew that a few were enough to cause trouble.

"But, would it be so bad for Jack and Ennis to jus'…I don' know, tell people?" Lois said, still drawing away in her pad and biting her sandwich.

Jess shifted on the rock he was on "you know very well Lois that these kinda things usually end in tragedy".

"And like I've told ya before" she said, "it's not 1962, its 1982. Lots of things have changed durin' those twenty years".

"Not really" Jess said, "people still view being queer as morally wrong".

"But there are a lot more people out there who accept it" Lois said "and, there even havin' these 'pride parades' or somethin' like that, which really seem to be gettin' their message across".

"No, noticed," Jess said, "that's all. Not accepted, just noticed".

Lois put her pencil down "why do you always have to be such a…a…"

"Pessimist?" Jess said.

"Ya, that word" she said.

"I ain't a pessimist" Jess said, "I only speak the truth".

"And isn't the truth usually bad?"

"Well, ya" Jess said, "so maybe I am a pessimist but that still doesn't change the fact that queers are about as accepted today as they were in the 60's. The only thing that's different is they've become noticed and aren't classified as mentally ill".

"You jus' wait" she said "pretty soon, all people will accept queers. Heck, they may even start making movies bout gay people".

Jess snorted, "Oh please, like that will ever happen".

Lois looked up "whaddya mean?"

"I mean is" Jess said, "The day they make a queer romance film is the day when a televised singing competition rules all of America".

Lois looked at him funny "where the hell did that come from?"

"Just making a point," Jess said, "it'll never happen". Lois huffed and went back to her work.

After a few minutes of silence she spoke again "so, you're goin' to the last game of the season?"

Jess nodded "only time I'm allowed out. But, I have to ride with Jack and Ennis".

"That's okay" she said "I'll meet you at the stadium then".

The bell soon rung and they packed up their things and hurried into school for drawing class.


Dan was just telling Ennis how they would be done soon with the expansions when he saw Jack coming up to him.

"Ennis" he said, "can I talk with ya?"

"Sure" Ennis said "that bout it Dan?"

He nodded "pretty much it. I'll leave you two with you'r business". He then headed off to do some sort of work.

"So, what were you and Dan talkin' bout?" Jack asked as they walked across the ranch.

"Jus' tellin' how they'd be finishin' up" Ennis said. And to him, it was a relief. It was already starting to cool down and pretty soon winter would be upon them and for him, he would much prefer if they'd get done before then.

"Well that's good," he said as they made their way into the office.

"So, what didja wanna talk about?" Ennis said.

Jack shifted a bit "well, we lost one of our partnerships".

Ennis looked at him "really? Who?"

"That one rancher we had up in Ada" Jack said "and, two of the ranchers who we had arrangements with also pulled out".

Now Ennis was worried "well, did they say why?"

Jack coughed a bit "well, you remember how that rancher up in Ethete said he'd expand into Oklahoma?"

Ennis felt his blood boil "so, he's the one who's snatched our partners?"

Jack nodded "ya" he said solemnly "but, we still have two other partnerships and three others jus' waitin' to hear our arrangements". That was a bit of good news but it still didn't help with the fact Denison was buying up all their partnerships.

"So here's what I was thinkin" Jack said "this week, we should head on up ta Kellyville and talk with that ranch head bout a partnership, fore that Denison fella gets ta him first".

Ennis nodded "n'all right" he said "but, how do ya know that'll stop him? If one of our partners already dropped out fer him, then it's likely he'll do the same".

"Well, I don' know Ennis" Jack said, "the only thing we can do is hope the rancher takes up out deal and Denison doesn't try to buy us out". This hardly made Ennis feel any better.

"Hey come on now cowboy," Jack said walking over to him "don't be discourage. So we lost a few associates, we got others".

"And who's to say Denison won't git them either" he said solemnly "you know very well he has it out fer us".

"So?" Jack said "one big shot has it out fer us, that still ain't gonna stop us".

"This ain't some little matter Jack" Ennis said "this guy can bury us right into the ground".

"Stop worryin' so much Ennis" Jack said "we won't know how serious this is until we wait it out a bit more". Ennis still had this grim look on his face.

Jack then walked to the door and locked it "what are ya doin?" Ennis said as Jack began to close the blinds.

"Think I might know somethin' that'll take yer mind of things" Jack said. He walked over, grabbed Ennis by the shoulders, and kissed him hard.

"And this time" he said "we won't be interrupted. So ya can go at me all ya like".

"What, ya think a little afternoon fuck is gonna take my mind of things?" Ennis said, as Jack began to kiss his neck and unbutton his shirt.

"Is it workin?" Jack said as he stuck his hand down Ennis's pants.

Ennis groaned "a little" he said.

Jack then forced him against the wall "how bout now?" he said teasingly, lips barley touching Ennis's mouth.

"Bit more" he said. Jack kissed him hard, pulled down his pants, and began to beat Ennis off. Ennis groaned in the voice Jack loved so much, his lips so soft and his rhythm starting to get going.

Then, Ennis flipped him over to the wall "hey now" Ennis said teasingly "don' wanna get of jus' yet". He then undid Jack's belt, braced him against the wall and pushed in. Jack groaned and Ennis shoved in again, starting out slow out first but soon getting up to a moderate rhythm.

He then ripped of Jack's shirt and began to devour at his chest, tongue working on one of his nipples, Jack starting to pant and groan harder. Jack's hand grasped a handful of Ennis's hair, pulled him off and kissed him. Ennis pushed in harder as Jack kissed him, lips and tongue telling him to go faster, hands all over each other, Ennis's clasped onto Jack's shoulders, while his were grabbing handfuls of Ennis's ass, urging him on.

Then, Ennis felt himself come and he gave one final push before pulling out. He held Jack close, his warm body feeling good against his.

"How bout now?" Jack said, his face right against Ennis's ear.

Ennis smiled "maybe" he pulled away and looked at Jack "how much longer till the game?"

"Nother three hours" Jack said, kissing Ennis.

"Well, I think I know a way you can make me forget completely" Ennis said, the lopsided smile now plastered on his face. Jack kissed him hard and soon both men were ready for another go.


"I'll see you at the game right?" Lois said as Jess got out of the car.

"Ya, just look for me with Jack and Ennis" Jess said, shutting the door. Lois waved him bye and then she pulled off down the road. He then walked up the porch steps and into the house where Bobby was sitting on the couch, watching the news.

"Hey" he said.

"Hey" Jess said, taking a seat next to him. They watched the news play out for a few moments before Jess spoke again.

"So, last game tonight" he said "nervous?"

Bobby shrugged "a little. Its not like we're goin' to the championships".

The football team had a pretty decent season. They had a record of six wins and three loses, tonight being the tenth and final game of the season and it seemed everyone in town was going to come to the game. Jess didn't get it all that much, maybe it was the excitement of the last game or maybe because there was nothing else to do. Either way, it was a pretty big deal for the town.

Jess began to pick idly at his large studded black bracelet, the news beginning to bore him. Bobby saw him, curiosity crossing his eyes.

"Why do you where those things?" Bobby asked.

Jess looked at him "huh?"

"Those bracelets, why do you where them?" Bobby asked again.

Jess sighed "its called punk".

Bobby looked at him funny "punk?" he said.

"Ya" Jess said "it's a way of rebelling against the status quo, to be different" he adjusted his bracelet "do you know of a club called CBGB?" Bobby shook his head.

"Its this club on Bleecker Street in Manhattan. Back in 79, my friend told me about the place, said for us to go check it out. It was the most incredible place I'd ever been to. It was just full of all these bands and people who dared to be different and challenge the way people thought. It was like…a rebellion of sorts in music. Soon after, I began dressing like the people down at CBGB, the bands t-shirts, the bracelets, the short hair, baggy jeans, the works. Down there I just felt…normal".

Jess paused for a minute "that's why I wear these bracelets…to be different". He looked at Bobby who was staring at him funny "what?" Jess said.

"I think that's the longest you ever spoken since bein' here" Bobby said. Jess only shrugged and went back to picking at his bracelet.

"Shouldn't you be going?" Jess said flatly.

Bobby looked over at the kitchen clock "oh shit, yer right" he got off the couch and began to run upstairs to his room. Jess sighed, why do I always have to do that? He thought every time he said too much about himself, he always has to be defensive?

Bobby soon came down the stairs "I'm headin' to the field, see ya later". Jess nodded and heard the door shut as Bobby headed for his truck.

Jess watched the news for another thirty minutes until he looked at the clock. 6: 24, they better get if they were gonna make kick off. He got up and slipped on his ripped sneakers, and walked out onto the porch. Now where are those two? He thought. He decided to look in the office building.

Walking over, he tried to turn the knob but found it locked, so he knocked on the door. A few seconds later, Ennis appeared, still buttoning his shirt. Jess rolled his eyes and sighed, then turned around to head towards Ennis's car. At least they locked the door this time he thought.

He slipped into the cramped back seat and waited until Jack and Ennis appeared. They then started the car and pulled off down the road.

Jack and Ennis discussed plans for the farm on the way to the stadium while Jess lay down in the back. Jess debated whether or not he should tell them about Doug's comment. He decided not to.

They soon pulled up to the stadium, which was beginning to fill up with people. Jess got up and hopped out of the car. As they made their way to the stadium, Jess could already tell some people were looking at them, whispering and staring. Jack and Ennis noticed to.

"Is it jus' me or are a lot a people…" Ennis said.

"Maybe their jus' happy ta see our smilin' faces" Jack said jokingly. If only you knew Jess thought. The occasional stares and whispers followed them into the stadium as they took their seats.

Jess spotted Lois coming in just as kick off started "Lois!" he yelled. She made her way threw the crowd and took her seat next to Jess.

"Hey" she said "hi Jack, Ennis".

"Hey Lois" said Jack, Ennis mumbled hi.

"So, how are things doin' with the ranch?" she asked.

"Things are comin' along nicely," Jack, said "we already got two partnerships and we're headin' up ta Kellyville and see if we can partner up with the rancher there" I thought it was three partnerships Jess thought.

Lois nodded "well, that's nice. Good for you" she then opened her sketchbook and began to draw.

By the middle of the second quarter, the team was trailing 5 to 7 and Jack was practically out of his seat yelling at the ref. Jess found it a bit amusing whenever Jack yelled at the ref, sorta like a one sided version of the Bob Newhart show.

As Jess watched the game, he couldn't help but overhear two teen girls sitting behind him.

"Ain't that Bobby's dad?" one girl said.

"Ya, I believe so," the other said.

"Ain't he shackin' up with that Del Mar fella?"

"Oh come on, tell me you don' believe that. Macarthur only said that cause he was drunk, ya know how he has it out fer Bobby".

"Ya, but it would make sense. Why is it we've never seen him with another women? And he's been her fer how long?"

"Well, my momma says that sometimes a person is so torn up from a divorce, that they jus' can't get back out and datin' again".

"Maybe but still, Macarthur had to be pretty steamed ta say somethin' like that. Personally, I think it might be true".

"Oh come on!"

"No, I'm serious. Two men livin' together…jus' ain't natural. Sides, you know bout Del Mar's son right?"

"Ya I do! He's in my history class, scary lookin' fella".

"Now see, a kid hafta be pretty messed up ta be dressin' like that".

"Well, I heard he lived in New York fer most of his life and you know how weird New Yorkian kids can be".

"But still, it jus' makes a whole lotta sense".

"Well, I think he ain't queer. He's to damn hot ta be, I mean have ya seen the ass on him?"

"Ya, because he wears such tight pants".

"So? I don' care, I'd do him in a heartbeat".

"Yer sick! He's like 38 years old! Yer only like seventeen!"

"I don' care, I'd still do him".

Jess didn't listen after that. Maybe now was the best time to tell Jack and Ennis…then again, what they don't know won't hurt them. Right?

The game ended with a score of 13 to 11, Bobby's team winning. There was a whole lot of celebration going on as they made their way out of the stadium. No one glanced or whispered at Jack or Ennis, to caught up in the team's victory.

"Oh hey Jess" Lois said "wanna head on up ta the drive threw tomorrow night? Mommie Dearest is playin' and I have my own wire hanger with me".

Jess laughed, "If Jack and Ennis will let me," he said.

"Well, ask!" she said.

Jess turned to the two men, who were talking about the game "hey Ennis" he said.

He looked at him "ya?"

"Can I go to the drive threw with Lois tomorrow?"

"Yer gonna be home on time?" Ennis said.

Jess shrugged "maybe".

Ennis gave him a hard look "ah, jus' let him go Ennis" Jack said, "He's been good all week". Ennis flashed Jack a hard look but didn't retort.

"Fine" he said "but, ya better call when yer leavin the theater". Jess nodded. He told Lois it was okay for him to go.

"Great!" she said, "I'll pick ya up at six?" Jess nodded and Lois headed of to her car. When Bobby came out, Jack slapped him on the back.

"Congratulations there bud!" he exclaimed "ya killed them out there".

"We only won by two" Bobby said, but his face was beaming with pride.

"Who cares, long as ya won" Jack said, slinging an arm around him "was fuckin' brilliant out there".

"Ya did good Bobby" Ennis said, a smile on his face. Jess nodded as well, not really knowing what to say. The four men then got into the truck and drove on home. The three men talked more about the game while Jess stared out the window, nodding occasionally when a question was fired at him. He just wasn't sure what to do, no emotions came to him and he felt like a blank wall. All he could do was keep this stony expressionless face and force a smile whenever they talked to him.

He just felt so…lost.


Authors note: keep them reviews coming! Sorry bout the delay, computer acting fuzzy. Reviews appreciated.