Series: Dan and Cam.

Weekends at the O'Neill's. Title: The Shoe Caper.

Warnings: None

Feedback: Please.

This is just another in the snap shot ficlets of the guy's everyday lives.

Today was just one of those days. You know the ones when you can't remember simultaneously breaking those mirrors? Yep, today was just one of those days.

Let me explain.

Daniel needed new sneakers, and so after discussing where the word sneaker originated from, we made our plans. In and out, no long winded discussion with the sales person, no changing his mind twenty times, we were looking for exactly the same style as he had before.

He agreed. Per say.

"Make your mind up, peanut! Not rocket science!" I was exceedingly hopeful. Daniel? Not so sure.

"Daddy, I don't like to make snap decisions! What if I see a pair that I like better? What if the old style hurt my feet now? In case you haven't noticed, Daddy, I am much taller now! I need to make an informed and intelligent decision!" Taller? Since last month? Not from what I can see! Daniel was gearing up to drive me nuts, so I did what every good dad would do. I bribed with ice cream. I was desperate!

"Tell you what, you pick a pair within ten minutes and we'll all have ice cream sundaes? How's that Cam? It's a plan, Danny! Think a banana split sounds good? Daddy's treat!"

"Hell yeah!"

"Pardon me? You want a smacked bottom? Sure, just cuss again." I grabbed his arm, and tipping him upside down, I pretended to spank his ass.

He was torn between horror and near giggling hysteria. "Yes, Daddy! I mean, yes!!"

Dumping him onto his feet, I gave him Cameron the look, and he returned it with a sassy grin. I am so losing my touch with this little fart.

Daniel did make me laugh though, the little ghoul. Eyes wide, he clapped a hand over his mouth and squeaked. Think half of him wanted me to actually carry out my threat, but the other half kinda hoped I wouldn't! My world famous attorney likes to see that justice served, but loves his naughty brother to bits! He is, however, a very clever little boy, and while I'm sure he knew I was tap dancing, he knew a banana split was a darn good compromise. He looked at me, shoved his glasses up his nose and agreed ten minutes was do-able.

We had a go, but the mission took a disturbing turn. Nope, Unas weren't in the equation, but mighty close. A female heard the word shoe shopping, and the mission was officially a bust. Ten minutes? Rrriight.

How did Samantha know? Cam the clueless rang her, and she invited herself along before I could say "Are you nuts? Why would I take you to a mall when its gonna be my credit card that is doing all the spending?" Actually, I did say that, but she chose to ignore me. "Last time I looked," I said, "I out ranked a Lieutenant Colonel!" Carter agreed that was true, and said I could drive if I wanted. I accepted.

It got worse.

Daniel, the fink O'Neill, blabbed to Carter all about my ten minute shoe shop hunt, conveniently leaving out the banana split treat I'd also promised. Oiy! With that narrow eyed look she gets when she's particularly pissed at a System Lord, she huffed, and then dragged us all into this up market shoe boutique aptly named, Ten little toes!

I ask you! A boutique for sneakers! I wanted to pay fifteen bucks tops! Like that was ever going to happen in a boutique!

So, in we all went, and Danny went through the usual routine one does when one tries on new shoes. Not the fifteen dollar sneakers mind, but those over priced, fifty buck a pop Nike shoes. He did the normal things, you know the drill, you put on one shoe and take it for a test drive. Do the obligatory fast paced lap or two around the store, come back, and tell the assistant it's a size too small. Well, while Danny was doing that I couldn't help but notice Cameron jumping around like he'd sat on a nest of fire ants.

I always find it beneficial in the long run if I actually investigate all of Cam's ideas, but as usual the explanation defied all logic. Why am I not surprised?

Under his jeans, he carefully explained, his left knee looked hideously deformed, and concerned he'd contracted a terrible disease, he decided to investigate. Okay, I had to ask, what then? Anyway, balancing on one foot, Cam tried to look up his leg, to make sure all was well. A mighty tricky situation when wearing jeans I would have thought, but he at least gets marks for trying. He started to jump up and down, wriggle his ass, finally deciding to lose the jeans altogether. So, in the middle of the shoe boutique he undid his Levis, dived into the legs, with a cry of triumph, produced yesterday's pair of boxers. These, my small son waved in the air like a badge of honor. Did I mention Cammie's jeans were crumpled around his ankles? Did I also mention the elderly boxers he'd dragged from the utility room rag bin had a rip across the seat? No? There ya go…

It got worse. Much worse.

The sales assistant screwed up her face and asked us to leave.

Sam gave me that pissed narrow eye look again. She wasn't impressed.

Daniel slapped his hand across his forehead. He was mortified.

Me? I just laughed my ass off. This kid of mine is a bona fide one of a kind.

Cam must have learned an important lesson, and as soon as I can think of it, I'll let you know.