Set Fire to the Rain

Thanks to Dollybigmomma.

SM owns all that is the wonderful Twilight.

Chapter 29

EDWARD

I was sat in my office contemplating what the fuck had happened this last week since we had gotten back. I knew exactly what had happened; Charlie fucking chief of police Swan had happened. At every turn he had cockblocked me. Fuck, we couldn't even have a private conversation without him interrupted us or changing the subject. That man was starting to grate on my none-too-tightly-controlled temper.

I knew Bella was just as frustrated as me if not more. She was much more open than me, able to demonstrate her feelings both physically and verbally whenever she wanted to. Me, I was more guarded, scared shitless if I was honest, of declaring myself and being shot down in flames. It had never happened so only god knew why I was like that.

Her text did not come as a surprise. Our brief conversation via email last night told me she was well pissed at her dad. She was getting more and more frustrated at his antics. He allowed us absolutely no privacy. Not even when my mum invited us to dinner did he think to politely decline or hang back. My parents would have given us time to ourselves, time to be just Edward and Bella, time to talk. Charlie was not as astute at knowing what we really wanted, and if he was, he did not want me spending time alone with his only daughter.

He'd made it quite clear I was not good enough for her and he had hinted that I should back off and give her the chance to see that she had other options. Fuck that, I wasn't going to back off and give her the opportunity to meet and fall for someone else. Why the hell would I do that to myself? I had wasted enough time being a pussy.

I didn't get much work done so I decided to head off home. Ten minutes stood under the strong jets of my power shower made me feel more relaxed and able to cope with what I knew was coming once I got to Bella's apartment. I dressed carefully, casual black jeans and an open-necked white shirt. I looked good, yet still felt comfy.

I had sensed that Bella had picked up on my retreat. I guessed I was in for a bit of a grilling again. I didn't blame her, though. We had been doing just fine back in Afghanistan, we had grown incredibly close and talking to her there had been easy. I knew it was because I had no fear of her dumping me for someone else out there.

She buzzed me in and I found the door slightly ajar when I arrived in front of her apartment. I found her in the kitchen making a fresh pot of coffee. I could not resist putting my arms around her waist and taking in her delicious scent. She turned in my arms and told me how much she'd missed me. God, did she not know how much I had missed her, too? She also clocked the strain in my eyes as well as the bags for six sleepless nights without her.

Sitting side by side feeling a little awkward, I asked her if she wanted me to start. I didn't look at her as she told me that I knew how she felt. She was right, I did know. I knew she loved me, she showed me every day and I felt sick with how much of a coward I was. I knew since we had been back, and partly due to Charlie's interference, that I had retreated into myself again. Yes, I had kissed her hello and goodbye and we had held hands, but the words I desperately needed to say were getting further and further into the distance the longer we were held at bay from each other.

We were both quiet, too quiet really. I knew she was waiting for me to say something. I needed to, too, before I lost my nerve altogether, and with that, her and her love.

"So, I'm sorry I've been distant for a few days," I told her playing with my hands and not looking at her. "I find it hard to express my feelings in front of others. Especially your dad, he hates me by the way and he puts the fear of god in me." She didn't look up at me, instead choosing to look into her lap. "Angela told me you kept my letter close to you back in Afghanistan. Everything I wrote in there was true, Bella. Every word I meant and I wished I could have told you that before, I hope you know that." She still didn't talk. "I don't know why I'm so scared of telling you and showing you how I feel. Back before you came to New York, I was petrified that you would meet someone else and leave me high and dry. I was a fool, I know that. Everything you did showed me how you felt. If only I'd have had the courage to talk to you about it. Why did you never tell me how you felt?"

She looked up then, her eyes glistening with tears.

"I thought we were only fuck buddies, Edward. I was prepared to take whatever I could get from you in whatever form. I loved you for years, even before we were together. I, too, was scared to say the words out loud. I didn't even realise that all my actions should have told you anyway. Did you know everyone else knew how we felt about each other? How can that be? How could we have been so clueless? All those years wasted. Alice and Emmett told me it was plain as day, written all over our faces. How come neither of us knew?"

"I didn't want to fall for you, at least not at first, Bella," I said ashamedly. "I wanted to resent your intrusion into my family. They all loved you straight away, but to me you were another pain in the arse, much like Alice always was," I smiled and Bella laughed at my assessment of my sister.

"Then I got to know you. I used to watch you, I loved the little faces you pulled when Alice made you do something you were uncomfortable with. I loved how you blushed when Emmett teased you or you tripped up, which, by the way, was often. Soon, though, I realised that I liked you more than I should. Your eighteenth birthday came along and I knew I could not resist you any longer. I'd seen your sly little glances, and then when you licked your lips when you stared at me, I about came undone. Have you any idea what your innocent actions did to an inexperienced teenage boy? It wasn't pretty, Bella, I can tell you that."

She was blushing now as I talked about her. I loved that about her.

"Bella, our time together as lovers was the most special time in my life. I think only our time together in Afghanistan comes close to it. Sure, I know that was different because of where we were and what had happened to you, but we were together and that meant everything to me. I meant every word I said over there, I love you, I always have. I know I've been stupid in the past, but all I can do is apologise. I can't turn the clock back. I wish I could, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We'd probably be married now, have a kid or two. Sorry, that's just how I feel."

"Really, you've thought of us married with kids?" she asked wide-eyed.

"I have, a lot, have you?"

"Yes, I have a lot, too. I love you, Edward, that's not in question. What I need to understand is why you back off, why you retreat into yourself. What are you so scared of? You're such a confident business man, ruthless so I hear. I can't understand how you can be so different with me, with your feelings."

"I know, love, but it's different at work. There I have confidence, no one can touch me. I know my stuff and I'm probably the best there is at what I do. It helps that my family has confidence in me, gives me free reign to move forward and excel. With you it's different. I'm scared one day you'll realise what a loser I really am and you'll walk away. I have no idea how to be open with you. I'm still scared to death that one day you'll up and leave me, meet someone else and say so long, Edward. It'd kill me, Bella, honestly, so I built up a wall of protection. Cowardly Edward hides behind his wall, safe from Bella and what she might do to his heart." I hoped she understood how hard this was for me to tell her. I felt laid bare, my biggest weakness on display.

"I love you, Edward, I don't know what else I can do or say to convince you of that. Every relationship is a risk surely, but aren't we worth the risk? I know I'm willing."

She was still willing to take a chance on me after all that I had done to her. Did I even deserve her? Could I do this without messing up, pushing her away until I made her hurt me, or worse yet, hate me?

"Bella, how would you deal with my inability to open up to you? How would you prevent me from ruining us?"

"You did pretty well over in Afghanistan being open. I don't need you being all sickly lovey-dovey. I just need to know how you feel about me, about us, and be confident that you'll talk to me if and when the need arises. I want our friends and family and any new people we meet to know how you feel about me. Am I asking too much? Can you do that for me? For us?"

I wanted to scream in her face that of course I could do that for her, for us, but I didn't; being Edward Cullen, I sat and pondered over her words.

"You think I opened up to you in Afghanistan? Hell, Bella, I was fighting for the love of my life, you were taken against your will, someone was hurting you, and that in turn hurt me. When you got shot, I nearly died, too. Thank god you pulled through, gave me the chance to show you how much I love you. You liked how I was over there? Was that how you would want me to be in a relationship?"

"It was perfect, Edward, I loved our time there. If a relationship with you could be like that all the time, it would be all I could ask for. Can you do that, though? That's the question. Can I ask you, have I ever given you any reason to doubt my feelings for you? Have I ever made you think that I wanted someone else?"

"Well, no, not exactly. I mean your scowls are pretty scary when you're mad, and your stink eye makes my blood run cold, but other than that, no, I know exactly how you feel about me. I know you don't want anyone else."

"When did I ever give you the stink eye or scowl at you?"

"I got it every time we met up accidently at the office or at my family's parties when I brought a friend."

I laughed out loud at her scowling face.

"So you don't think I had a reason to react like that, you flaunting all your floozies under my nose?"

"Friends, Bella, they were all only friends, none of them were ever anything more. I might've done it on purpose once I knew how mad you got, though. Does that make you hate me?"

"I could never hate you, but I will be banking that information for future use. So, Mr. Cullen, what now?" She blushed a little and I found it hard not to pounce on her and make love to her for hours.

"Well, seeing as you're willing to accept me and all my issues and not be scared off by my inability to talk about my feelings, I guess we should go out on a date."

"A date? Edward, I think we're a bit beyond dating."

"No, we're not. I've never taken you out on a date, not a proper one. Okay, I accept that while we were involved before, we may have gone out when we were away on a weekend and eaten dinner or had a picnic, but it was all unofficial, and now that we're official, I really would like to do it right. It's the least I can do for you taking a chance on me."

"Okay, so say we date, officially, of course; although I can't remember being asked to be official with you, can we do other stuff?"

"Isabella Swan, will you please go out on a date with me and be my official other half, girlfriend, life partner, wife? What sort of other stuff?" I asked not really wanting to hear her answer; I think I could guess from the look on her face.

"Wife?" she asked quietly blushing pillar-box red. Yup, apparently I'd said that out loud.

"Well, I guess that's where we're heading, isn't it? I mean...um, it's what I'd hoped we'd do at some point. What other stuff, Bella?" I asked hoping to distract her attention away from the whole marriage thing.

With a deep breath, she spoke slowly, "We'll get back to the other stuff in a minute. You meant it about getting married?"

"I did, but I don't want to scare you off. We don't have to do it, like, right now. I thought we could wait a week or two," I said teasing her now.

"I'm not scared, Edward, I want it, too. I'd do it tomorrow if you wanted to. I'm sure about how I feel about you, us, I have been for a very long time. I love you, although I was hoping for a much more romantic proposal."

I leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. "I love you, too, very, very much. So, about that other stuff…"

"Okay, I was getting to that. So seeing as we're now official and all; do we get to bypass the three-date rule for any physical stuff? I mean you just kissed me and declared yourself, so I'm assuming that rule is out the window?"

Lightening things up, we continued to tease each other around the subject of sex. I really did want to do this right, but I was also aware of the huge elephant in the room. Poor Bella had been chomping at the bit since she awoke from her injuries and I knew realistically I was not going to be able to hold her off much longer. Did I even want to? That would be a no then.

"There are no rules, love, just you and me doing what we think is right, doing what we want to do for each other, not for anyone else."

Our kisses soon turned heated and when she climbed over and straddled me, I could not stop a loud groan escaping from my mouth. She was determined, that was for sure. She felt so fucking good grinding into me on my lap. I could feel the heat from her core and it was driving me mad.

"Bella, love, we need to take this into the bedroom or I'll not be responsible for what happens here."

With a giggle, she climbed off me and pulled me up, dragging me off into her room. She was not blushing anymore. I think she was beyond blushes right now. She was actually glowing and very determined. Her hands were all over me and pulling my shirt up and over my head. I tried to slow her down to no avail.

"Baby, slow down, we've got all night and the rest of our lives to do this. Let's enjoy this first time now that we're official."

She looked at me like I had thrown her teddy out of the cot. Her bottom lip stuck out as she pouted her disapproval. But when she gnawed on it, I pounced. I had never been able to resist Bella gnawing on her bottom lip. I always thought it was the sexiest thing in the world. With a growl, I had her on her back under me on the bed.

Our kisses now took on a whole different meaning; they were slow and exploratory, each of us wanting to be closer, deeper. Our clothes came off quickly and ended up in a pile at the side of her bed. We needed to talk about contraception. I hadn't brought any condoms with me and I didn't want to presume Bella would take care of it.

"Love, I haven't got any condoms with me," I moaned into her mouth.

She pulled herself away from me and looked deeply into my eyes, "Do we need condoms? I haven't been with anyone else,." she admitted, although I knew anyway.

"Me, neither," I told her honestly, dropping a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Really? You haven't had sex since we...wow, I mean fuck, Edward. I'm on the pill and have been since way back. I'm okay if you are...I mean, I do have some I got as favours from a bridal shower that I could probably dig out..."

I silenced her with a deep kiss. "No condoms, Bella."

I had not forgotten just how good she felt. Sure, my memory might have been a little fuzzy around the edges, but my hands remembered her well enough. Soon she was panting my name as she closed in on her first release.

"Edward, please, I need you, please." How could I resist when she begged so nicely?

Removing the last of our clothes, I settled back between her legs. Looking at her, I could not help but smile. She was beautiful, everything I had ever wanted, and now she was mine. For always. She had practically agreed to marry me today. I would have to dig out the ring I had bought all those years ago.

"I love you, Bella. Thank you for loving me, taking a chance on me. I'll try to make sure I don't let you down, ever."

"You could never let me down, Edward, not ever. I love you so much," she said as I pushed slowly into her warmth.

We were both still for a moment as we took in the feelings that came rushing back. We were always good together like this, well matched, our physical requirements complimenting each other's. As I slowly started to move inside her, she matched me thrust for thrust. I wanted this to last, I swear I did, but after so long and being back where I belonged, I just didn't know if I could.

"Bella, I don't know if I can..."

"It's okay, baby, let go this time, we have the rest of our lives to make love slowly."

Her words alone took me over the edge. Fireworks went off all around me as I emptied into her. She followed upon feeling my powerful release, milking me of all I had.

We fell asleep wrapped up in each other's arms. Several times throughout the night, we woke up and made love again. Each time was different; once, it was desperate and needy and didn't last long at all. The other times, it was full of love and passion and it took my breath away. When morning came, neither of us wanted to get up and go to work.

"Shall we take a sick day today, love?" I asked her hoping she would agree.

"What will the boss say?"

"Oh, I think we'll be okay for just one day."

Emmett laughed loudly when I rang to tell him we wouldn't be in today. We spent the whole day in bed, making love, talking, laughing, and dozing in between. How comfortable we were around each other pleased me to no end. It helped me with my issues, seeing her here with me like this, totally relaxed, in love, and not being afraid to show it. I think I might have even managed to show how I was feeling, too. She certainly wasn't complaining. That might have been because most of the time her lips were otherwise occupied. I needed to get it in my head that even when we were not like this, we were still okay. She loved me still and I need not go into panic mode.

Finally dragging ourselves out of bed, we shared a shower and because we were still horny and hopelessly in love, the shower took three times as long as it should have. I think shower sex was one of my favourite pastimes.

She made us food and we sat and ate and talked. It was great and we were totally relaxed.

"Where do you want to go on our first date?" I asked her.

"I don't mind, Edward, surprise me, but nowhere expensive. Just us and some time on our own will be enough."

"How come you always know the exact right thing to say, Swan?"

"Just a knack I have I guess," she laughed before burying her head in my shoulder.

"So, work tomorrow, shall we go in together? Or do you want to play it cool for a bit, keep things private between us?"

"I don't want to hide us, Edward, but if it's too much for you, too soon for you to be able to deal with all the questions, then I'm happy to wait a while."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course I would; I love you, I want to support you in any way I can."

"Wow, how did I get so lucky? Remind me. I don't want to hide us either, Bella. In fact, I'd be prepared to put an announcement in the papers if you wanted me to."

"I don't think that's necessary, do you? Us just being able to say that we're together and in love is enough for me. I can kiss you at work, though, can't I?"

"Try stopping me kissing you."

We decided to head back to my place for the night. Bella brought her overnight bag and a fresh set of clothes for the office. We would be going in as a couple after another night spent in each other's arms.

So, nothing scary really, just an insecure young man scared of being rejected. I get the feeling that since they've talked and agreed to try, things will get easier.

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