I Remember Love
A Becoming Jane-story
By: jakeline
Summary: The story begins after the opera, the year is 1814, Jane and Tom have met again. They begin questioning their actions and choices in the past (i.e. from the time they met in 1795 and forward).This is what could have happened if the movie had not ended.
Disclaimer: I do not own Jane Austen, Tom Lefroy or any other character in this story. Facts are taken from the Becoming Jane Fansite.
Author's note: Again I have used The Book of Common Prayer. After this I can finally focus on the more happy side of this story.
Part 28: In which Jane Austen is put to the test
Mr O'Reilly read the collect as the coffin containing Mrs Lefroy was lowered into the ground: "O merciful God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who is the resurrection and the life; in whom whosoever believeth shall live, though he die; and whosever liveth, and believeth in him, shall not die eternally; who also hath taught us, by his holy Apostle Saint Paul, not to be sorry, as men without hope, for them that sleep in him; We meekly beseech thee, O Father, to raise us from the death of sin unto the life of righteousness; that, when we shall depart this life, we may rest in him, as our hope is this our sister doth; and that, at the general Resurrection in the least day, we may be found acceptable in thy sight; and receive that blessing, which thy well-beloved Son shall then pronounce to all that love and fear thee, saying, Come, ye blessed children of my Father, receive the kingdom prepared for you from the beginning of the world: Grant this, we beseech thee, O merciful Father, through Jesus Christ, our Mediator and Redeemer. Amen."
Tom watched the coffin with his beloved wife disappear down the dark hole in the ground. The rose he had been holding fell down on the coffin. Soft raindrops fell on his lowered head. Mary, his beloved wife, was gone and the heavens wept with him. Around him the sobs got louder and his daughters leaned against his frame.
"The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Ghost, be with us all evermore. Amen."
The funeral was over. Tom felt utterly drained of energy. He did not know how to continue on with the tea that was to be had in the rectory. He was not sure that he would be able to face all the questions and curious looks that were inevitable coming. Mary's letter had hopefully done its work. Everybody knew that he and Jane had her blessing to marry. She had even left Jane him in her will.
Tom had no idea how to get through the reception, but he had to matter what. He had to stand up for Mary's wishes, for his family and Jane Austen. He braced himself for what was inevitably to come. He had to stand up for what he believed.
He could feel the burning gazes from Mary's parents. They disliked surprises and this one had been large. They would probably skin him alive if they could. Tom knew not what to say to them now. Now at least it was made public that Mary wanted him to marry Jane. Hopefully the gossip would stop now. They could now focus on the rest of their life together.
-xxx-
Jane Lefroy was completely exhausted. She had no more tears to cry. The whole ordeal was just too much for a twelve year old. Her mother was gone. Just when her mother's coffin was disappearing into the dark hole of the ground and it started raining, she felt totally and utterly alone in the world. She had turned to her father for support. Had he not been nearby she would have fallen to the ground in pure despair.
She knew her mother's letter had caused a lot of different reactions, but it was not until she saw her grandparent's dark faces she truly understood. Her father had not told them about that the letter was going to be read. Seeing them now, Jane realised it had been for the best. Had they been asked about it they would surely have objected. Her mother's last wish obviously meant nothing to her grandparents. She could not believe how little they seemed to care. They seemed to blame Miss Austen for everything. The person who was in the least responsible for anything. It had been all her mother's doing. But it was the family she left behind who had to deal with the consequences.
Jane hoped they would all get through it in one piece. She doubted that anyone but her grandparents would dare question the letter. She could see that they tried to remain calm. Not wishing to make a spectacle of their daughter's funeral.
-xxx-
Jane Austen did not dare meet any of the eyes that were constantly glancing curiously at her. She tried to remain calm and composed though her inside was in chaos. She kept her head high as they entered the rectory. The rain had stopped and the sun was peeking out from behind the clouds.
Mrs O'Reilly had, with the help of Mrs Jones, set the tables in the garden. Tea was to be had. Biscuits and cakes were placed throughout the tables, which was decorated with fresh flowers. Mary would have been pleased to see that it was not a completely sad day after all. She would not have wanted it all to be gloomy She would have wanted them to cherish the good memories of a living Mary. She had been a good natured person with a happy disposition and that was how she was to be remembered.
Jane was sad that she had not got to know the lady better before she passed. She also regretted their last discussion. All those harsh words she had uttered. There was nothing she could do about it now though. Mary had gotten the final word and her wish was coming true.
Jane smiled slightly and turned towards Tom. He caught her smile and winked at her. Her heart was filled with love for the gentleman that was now seating himself on the other side of the table where she was standing. Suddenly it felt as if everything was going to be fine. Their love would conquer all obstacles. Nobody could stand in their way.
So far none of the present had come forward to talk to Jane or Tom. The Pauls sat grim looking on the other side of the rectory's garden. Nobody dared be caught in their way. It was obvious to all who was there that they did not accept their daughter's action. They sat alone at their table since no one dared be seated next to them. Jane was sure they would not apologise, but for their grandchildren's sake she hoped they would come to their senses.
"Miss Austen?" said a deep voice behind her. She turned and found Tom's father standing behind her.
"Mr Lefroy," replied Jane with a puzzled face.
"Might I have a word?"
"Of course," said Jane and shot Tom a confused glance, but he smiled encouragingly back.
"Perhaps Miss Austen would indulge me for a walk?" Mr Lefroy said and offered her his arm.
"That would be delightful, Mr Lefroy," replied Jane and took his arm. They walked out of the garden in thoughtful silence. Jane wondered what Mr Lefroy could want to talk to her about. They walked quite the distance in silence.
At length Mr Lefroy spoke: "I wanted to be out of hearing distance, Miss Austen." Jane looked up at him. She must have looked anxious because he continued: "Oh, there is nothing to worry about, Miss Austen. I just wanted to be closer acquainted with the lady who is to be my son's wife." Jane relaxed.
"Oh, I see. There is not much to know, sir."
"I believe there is, Miss Austen. From what I have heard I find you most intriguing," said Mr Lefroy with a smile that made him look young and very much like his son. Jane knew not what to say to that.
"Indeed?" was all she mustered.
"My grandchildren adore you, so does my son. I remember him mentioning you even when he was young; he talked about a dark eyed Hampshire lass once. I believe it must have been you, Miss Austen." Jane was a bit shocked to hear that Tom had mentioned her to his parents, even all those years ago.
"I see," was all she could say.
"Even my daughter in law thought the world of you," continued Mr Lefroy. "May I ask you something, Miss Austen?
"Anything you want, Mr Lefroy," replied Jane.
"What happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why did you choose not to stay with my son?" His eyes showed honest curiosity.
"I..." Jane hesitated, she knew not where to start.
"You loved him, no?"
"Yes, I did love him. But our love would not have survived if it meant bringing ruin to your family. I know you depended on Tom's help, and without the support of his uncle, well... I could not let that happen," Jane said sincerely. "One cannot live on love alone, no matter how deeply one feel."
"True," admitted Mr Lefroy.
"I did not want to be the ruin of Tom's career," continued Jane. "There have been many times when I have regretted my choice. But I know it was for the best."
"And now Mrs Lefroy has given you a second chance," said Mr Lefroy. "Will love survive this time, Miss Austen?"
"I believe it will, Mr Lefroy," said Jane with a shy smile and flushed cheeks.
"I think so too. You both deserve it," said Mr Lefroy. "You have my blessing, Miss Austen."
"Thank you, Mr Lefroy," said Jane with a bow of the head.
"Shall we turn back?"
"Yes, I think that people will have started wondering where we are, Mr Lefroy."
-xxx-
Tom watched as his father and Jane entered the garden again. They both looked content. He knew his father would find Jane worthy. He wondered what they had been talking about since they had been gone quite some time. He decided to ask Jane about it later.
"What a lovely sermon, Mr Lefroy," said the lady next to him.
"I am glad you found it to your liking, Mrs Donaldson," replied Tom.
"Quite refreshing, I thought," the white haired lady smiled.
"Indeed," added her husband.
"We are so sorry for your loss, Mr Lefroy. Mrs Lefroy will be so missed," said another gentleman, a Mr Charleston. Tom nodded.
"But we see you have a worthy successor to take care of you, Mr Lefroy" chuckled his wife. Tom smiled and glanced at Jane.
"Indeed I do," said Tom. He was happy to see that so many of his friends and acquaintances found the funeral and Mary's letter to their liking. He had also gotten remarks on how suitable Jane seemed to be and what a great asset to the society she would be. They were quite intrigued by the fact that she was a writer. The fact that Mary had given her consent went a long way of course. Tom felt more relaxed now than he had for a very long time.
Jane was to be his wife. Nobody could stop them now. Not even the Pauls. He hoped for his children's sake that they would come to their senses, but he would not bet on it. He could see their unhappy faces on the other side of the garden. They grew grimmer for every word of encouragement his guests brought him. Tom could not care less. They could leave whenever they pleased. Nobody forced them to stay.
Right now he longed to be alone with Jane, to hold her, knowing that it was now for the rest of their life. The reception could not finish soon enough. Jane helped Mrs O'Reilly and Mrs Jones to clear the tables when the last of the participants left.
The light July night found Tom and Jane in the garden.
"It was a very lovely funeral, Tom. Mary would have been so pleased," Jane said.
"I think so too, Jane," said Tom with a sigh. "I am glad it is over and done with. I was so worried."
"I know," said Jane.
"But the only ones that did not accept it was Mary's parents. And I, honestly, could not care less," snorted Tom. His former parents in law had not uttered a word to him, not even a polite goodbye as they left.
"I am sorry, Tom."
"I think I can manage. Soon I will have a new mother in law," he smiled.
"True, well, my mother can be a handful," chuckled Jane.
"I remember. Do you look forward to her stay here?"
"Very, but most of all I long to see Cassandra." Tom took her hand and pressed it before bringing it up to his lips.
"I know, dearest." The word came out on its own, without thought. It felt right. Jane looked up at him with large dark eyes. "I have something for you." Tom reached into his pocket and brought out a small box.
"You should not have..."
"Shh," Tom cut her off. He opened the box and brought out a delicate golden necklace. He held it up for her to see. On the chain a small golden heart hanged.
"Tom!" Jane breathed. "It is beautiful."
"It is just a small token of my love." She turned to allow him to fasten the necklace around her neck.
"I love it," Jane said and turned back to him. He smiled. It suited her perfectly, simple as it was.
"Nothing can ever take you away from me again," he murmured and took the last step forward and folded her in his arms, pressing his lips against hers.
-TBC-
So, on with the love story! I love your reviews...
