Author's Note: Well, this WAS supposed to be up on Christmas… IF FANFICTION HAD WORKED ON CHRISTMAS! But noooooooooooooooooooooo… two days! Two days it was down! *Sigh* Oh well, take the special for what it is. Christmas was not THAT far away… right?!


Normalcy? Extremely Overrated

Part 3: Into Darkness

Chapter Twenty-Nine

An Unexpected Christmas


Sora's PoV:

"Up you go!" if you expected me to have a slow awakening after the stuff that went down last chapter, that was not about to happen. My awakening consisted in my face meeting a VERY hard substance. I cried out and rubbed my injured forehead just before whatever force had me in its grips let go of me, my body falling like a trunk back into the bed.

"Ow! What was that for?!" I screamed, shaking my head and sitting up from the bed. I took a look to my side and saw Shin's mother looking down on me. There was just something about her… she was not wearing her usual pink robes, but instead she was wearing a red coat with white fur lining, coupled with a short skirt, books, gloves and a Santa Hat to go along with it all. Her staff was also surprisingly a giant Candy Cane.

"Okay, who made Merlina an honorary elf?" I asked sarcastically, shaking my head again and moving out of the bed.

"Oh, that was so last year! I'm honorary Mrs. Claus this year!" I… I was joking…

"Anyway, no time for that Sora! We are needed in the control room!" Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh?! Suddenly, I was in the air, levitated by Merlina as she rushed out of the room like a woman on a mission. It was only when I saw the outside that I said:

"Oh, it's one of THOSE chapters…" in front of me, was what I could instantly recognize as Santa's factory. A giant conveyer belt weaved around it like a snake, handing out materials to the workers around it, who were tasked with wrapping them and throwing them back into the gatherers, who'd slam them into one of the many giant piles of presents. What were these workers? Well, elves and… yetis? I… what?

"The Yetis are new," Merlina said, probably reading my mind or something. "Santa did say that the population was getting too big for them to meet the quota, so I suggested Yetis. He surprisingly accepted," she giggled, weaving through the factory with me in tow. We suddenly arrived at a giant Christmas Tree. Merlina then proceeded to bonk it with the cane, causing smoke to come from it as a metallic door came from the seemingly wooden tree. Inside was a mechanical elevator as high tech as I ever saw it. A part of me wanted to question it, but a part really didn't.

We got into the elevator and descended, me ignoring the flashing lights as I wondered what day it was. Doing quick math, considering the days we passed in Middle-earth, that one day in Lordran, adding it to the date we left the school… oh my goddess! It was Christmas Eve!

"It's Christmas! WOOHOO!" I exclaimed out of nowhere, jumping up and down out of excitement.

"I know, right?!" Merlina exclaimed, jumping with me as the door opened. I stopped immediately while my mouth gaped.

"No way…" I said, walking into the high tech hall easily as big as two of the school's informatics rooms. Screens were everywhere, various elves and even some yetis hammering away at various computers as info was thrown back into the screens. Christmas trees and lights adorned all of the room. A loop of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is Coming to Town was blaring through the speakers. I saw also my entire dorm standing at the center of the bridge, down some stairs, along with an elf-a-fied Rex… not even going to ask and, was that…

"Is that SANTA?!" I shouted, jumping down the stairs, tripping on one of them and rolling down like a numb-nut. I felt a foot stop my rolling form, right on my face, and it didn't take time to understand who it had been.

"Good for you to join us, lazy bum!" Kairi exclaimed with a smirk, offering her hand right after. I took her and pulled myself up. I then turned to Santa and examined him. He was… more muscular than I thought, even though he kept his trademark clothing, he didn't have his fabled belly, and he did look younger than what I imagined. But what really made me bat an eye were the two tattoos, one on each arm, that said "Naughty" and "Nice." He was laughing heartily; it was good to know it was still in "hohohos."

"You are funny guy, Sora! I know now why you are in nice list!" he exclaimed in a deep and thick… Russian accent, pointing at his nice tattoo that magically displayed my name.

"Are you… Santa?!" I exclaimed, the hoho-ing warming my heart. He patted my head.

"I sure am! I bring Christmas to all, and all bring joy to me!" Santa Claus exclaimed with holiday cheer.

"Don't get cocky North, you're still not out of this yet," a squeakier voice of someone I swore I knew said from bellow. I looked down below and saw… an elf-version of Rex. "Mention this and I will end you," at the time, I didn't know if I should laugh or soil my pants, so I did neither and nodded.

"Elf-Rex is right. We are still not safe. You go to your comrades Sora," Santa Claus agreed, confusing me to no end. But not as much as when I turned and saw everyone wear either a smaller version of Mer's outfit or one of Santa's, depending on the gender. They were also trying their best to hold down their laughter. I wondered why until I looked down. I got… the girl uniform.

"Woops, I forgot!" Merlina exclaimed, waving her cane and magically changing me to the right uniform, causing everyone to just burst out laughing. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily, joining Kairi and the others.

"Oh Zelda…" she simply said, prompting me to step on her foot, she laughed and did the same, just ten times harder. Santa coughed.

"Sora, you were not here last time so I must explain," Santa began, pointing at one of the screens that featured a massive march of… penguins? Wait, were those weapons in their stubby wings?!

"As you know, Penguins normally live in South Pole, yes?" Russian Santa questioned, forcing me to slowly nod. Did the universe even HAVE a South Pole?! "That is because Penguins do not celebrate Christmas. Long ago, there was very big disagreement between elves and Penguins over who help Santa Claus. Elves were picked so Penguins left the North Pole in disgust. We did not hear of them for many years, but now they are suddenly marching on workshop. We summon 100 very strong people-" Caelum growled dangerously, causing Santa to hohoho again, "Very good, 101 people then! They come most of the realms to protect us, but we do not want the battle to be long and have injuries, today is Christmas Eve after all, so we need you," he pointed at all of us. "To help us with that!" he exclaimed. Before any thoughts passed through our minds though, I was stupefied:

"We understand Santa Claus, give us our orders!" Shin exclaimed, stepping forward and speaking in a determination I hardly ever saw from him.

"Hey Shin, shouldn't we first ask what they are gonna have us d-"

"NO! Christmas is in danger, the most holy of Holidays. The day of cheer, happiness, presents and family joy! I will do everything in my power to PUNISH these heathens and deliver swift justice upon all of them!" I, wha-, is this real life? Is that seriously Shin?!

"My son is… somewhat brazen about Christmas," Merlina pointed out as we all stared down as Shin continued to rave.

"We need codenames for this mission! I'll be Christmas Red! Sora, you'll be Christmas Blue! Kairi, Christmas Pink! Terra, Christmas Yellow! Xion, Christmas Black! Riku, Christmas Gray! Roxas, Christmas Green! Naminé, Christmas White! Caelum, Christmas Silver!" he exclaimed, pulling out a very-super hero-esque V-like mask and covering his eyes and area around them with it and striking a pose. Merlina laughed at her son's enthusiasm and whispered up matching colors to our uniforms… and gave us bitchin' scarfs. "With our powers combined, we shall protect Christmas! Christmas 101, form up!"

As goofy as it all felt, Shin was right! Christmas needed to be protected, if not for us, for everyone across all worlds! We looked at each other and exchanged knowing glances, shouting in synch:

"Roger!" while matching his ridiculous pose.

"Good, good! That is why you are in nice list! Now, let us go over master plan!" Santa exclaimed.


"A catapult…?" I questioned, sitting down inside a barrel near a catapult on top of Santa's workshop. I could see the remaining soldiers of the Christmas 101 standing in front of the workshop, arms ready and preparing to confront the penguin horde that approached them. They were massively outnumbered.

"A HUMAN Catapult!" some sort of cartoon version of Link exclaimed, smile way too big for someone who looked not a day over ten. "Now I get to inflict my pain on y-I mean, trust me! I went through it! It won't kill you… I think!"

For Kingdom Heart's sake…

"Very well, remember, as soon as battle start, Toon Link send entire group OVER the army and into cave with tunnel. The tunnel have guide to help you sneak into Penguin's Moving Castle before it takes flight. Enter castle, get to top, find who responsible and stop them! We cannot have castle bring down sleigh once I leave at Midnight, so you must be quick! Also, Sora, do not forget about that stone I gave you!" Santa Claus exclaimed from our headpieces, the actual Santa himself being down there, pacing in front of the army with two sabers in hand. I could hear him talk through the transmitter in my eardrum. I looked down to see the small green stone that Santa had given me. Talk about blatant plot point. The 80 something people down there seemed… restless.

"And if this is your army, why does it go?" Santa Claus resounded down below.

"Home! The Penguins are too many!" one of them exclaimed out of panic. So much for "strong soldiers." Santa Claus didn't give up though, and exclaimed:

"Sons of Christmas! I am Santa Claus!" he exclaimed, reminding me way too much of a certain someone.

"Santa Claus would never call for fighting!" the same voice exclaimed back, receiving some nods actually.

"Yes, I've heard. Does nothing but eat cookies and drink milk. And if HE were here, he'd end the invasion by sitting down with the Penguin Lord and having a tea party with him!" Santa roared, a wave of laughter coming from his sarcastic smile.

"I AM Santa Claus! And I see a whole army of my comrades, here in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight for Christmas' Joy on your own free will. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?" To be fair, if I were any example, we were only here on a very vague definition of "free will."

"Fight? Against that? No! We will run. And we will live," another exclaimed.

"Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR CHRISTMAS!" the roar resounded so hard you could see avalanches in the distance, Santa raised his cutlass and shouted:

"FOR CHRISTMA-"

"Okay guys, let's do this! LEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!" some guys just shouted, separating from the army and rushing towards the encroaching penguin horde.

"Oh my god, he just ran in…"

"Cover Leeroy!"

"God Damnit Leeroy!"

"I guess that's the sign…" Toon Link said with the creepiest, widest smile a kid could have. It was the smile of vengeance… "Cut the ropes!" he exclaimed, all the elves cutting the other seven ropes as Toon Link left me for last. "Have a safe flight… or not!" he shouted, cutting the ropes and catapulting me across the skies.

I cried the whole way over.


Shin's PoV:

SMASH!

I hate Wind Waker sometimes… the consecutive smashing of eight barrels would have easily clued any guard in if not for the war, so we were lucky. I somehow didn't break anything, climbing out of the barrel slowly and unscathed.

"Everyone alright?" I questioned, my blood still burning with the righteous justice of a Christmas Guardian… or something like that.

"I can still move…"

"I-I think I broke my shoulder,"

"Walk it off Roxas!"

"Daw…"

"His name is Christmas Green!" I exclaimed, not being able to care any less for Roxas' arm. If it was someone important, maybe I would give a damn.

"Amusing," I heard that voice come from behind me. I turned back and I saw my nemesis, the one person I hated in this world more than OU Tier Whores. Lightning Farron.

"What are you doing here…?" I questioned slowly, my "Naughty-sense" tingling. I very much doubt that "person" was on Santa's Nice list.

"I am expert in corridors that only lead to one place and whose only obstacles are mob encounters that are either over or under tuned, so I am your guide," she deadpanned, turning her back at us and signaling us to follow into the tunnel.

She had gotten me there.

It didn't hit me until we were passing through there but… why did we NEED a guide in a tunnel that only went in one direction? It's like when they gave us a mini-map in XIII… kinda redundant.


Merlina's PoV:

Prinny. A rare breed of Penguin distinguished by being capable of speech, their small bat-like wings on the back and preliminary skill in weapon usage. Such adorable machines of death. The cute abominations of nature. Quite the remarkable small reapers of innocent lives. As smart as a bolt of lead, but as explosive as two atom bombs.

As we barreled through the front line, always following Leeroy, I could hear the repeated: "DOOOOOD" that was their battle-cry. It was about to get personal. The sound of cannons exploded in the horizon and I looked up to see their prime artillery. Themselves.

"Penguin Kamikazes!" I warned, thinking fast and creating the most obvious counter to flying Penguin bombs. "Get down! Canera!" using the ancient forbidden spell of summoning giant candy canes, I jumped in midair and swung it like a baseball bat repeatedly, hitting back all of the twenty three penguins into their army, where they spontaneously combusted, as was normal for Prinny biology. Before I fell, I decided to enchant the giant candy cane and use it as a flying broomstick kinda thing. Because why the hell not?!

"DOOD! The mage is rad!"

"Two Stronk dood!"

"Nerf Riot, pls!"

"Thank you Blizzard!"

"Effing EA!"

"What do we do doods?"

The sound of Prinny's confusingly running around in doubts of whatever they could do was music to my ears, and Santa's too apparently. Their numbers were waaaaaaaaaaaaay too big for us to manage to beat them before Midnight, but at least it seemed like we had a chance to-

"LEEROY, NOOOO!" one of the soldiers shouted as the one that started all this mess got thrown over me and into the snow below. I looked back where he came from and dropped my staff, it was…

"It's the Bear Cavalry! FALL BACK!" Rexie shouted , the sound of despair echoing as the armored bear-riding, lightsaber-wielding, mecha-penguins from another dimension stormed through our troops, splitting them apart and picking them off like flies. Cringing, I did my best to delay them:

"O Christmasy spear, run my enemy through! Holly Lance!" No, this wasn't one of Herald's typos. I chanted another of my Arcane Christmas Arts to conjure a giant tree of Holly that speared towards the enemy army. The Bear Cavalry however, was unimpressed with the Prinnys riding them activating the weaponry on top of the Bear, the Sardine Cannon.

Powered by the nutritious value of SARDIIIINES, the nutrients concentrated on the cannons and somehow created an array of foul smelling laser beams. The beams collided with the holly tree and obliterated its trunk, but I wasn't done yet!

"I knew you weren't gonna fall for that!" I spun my candy-cane staff and raised up upon the sky: "O holly leaves, rain down your power on us! Holly Rain!" charging them with energy and making them shoot towards the Bear Cavalry. By the power of holly, I'd force them to kiss, which would not only delay them, but it'd also cause sexual confusion and awkwardness between their forces, forever crippling them.

But then…

*Cue: "My Heart Will Go On" Celine Dion*

At the sound of the cheesiest and most lovey-dovey music to ever be created, masses of Prinny Fodder jumped in front of the bear cavalry, being hit in mass by the spell. Falling to the ground, cursed with needing to kiss the closest member of the opposite sex… or not, if they were unlucky enough.

The music stopped and I realized how boned we were. I lost all my magic power with those two spells of mass Christmasnation, causing the flying cane to start falling from the skies, right down to the masses of armored bears bellow.

"Merlina!" I heard Rex shout as I closed my eyes and embraced the inevitable… then I hit something hard, but not too hard. The instantly recognizable sound of a NTD-FX1 Plasma engine w/G-diffuser brought a smile upon my face as I turned to the side.

"Okay, who called for air support?!" Fox asked as a group of Arwings appeared near me.

"Oh North, I could just kiss you right now…"


Shin's PoV:

We had finally reached the end of the tunnel, which as expected, was filled to the brim with enemies of little to no consequence and a boss that was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than anything in the zone to the point of frustration. Also, the boss weighed 0 on the plot.

I hate walking with Lightning.

However, I was glad to see that the castle hadn't moved or anything. Oh, how it looked? Seen frozen? Generic castle made of ice? That. I had no idea how we would get in, but oh well…

"I'm heading back. They need as much help as they can get," Lightning explained, turning her back on us and THANKFULLY leaving.

"So, Christmas Red… what's the plan now?" Christmas Blue, Sora, questioned me. Honestly, I had no idea. The best thing I could think of was to separate and look for an entrance not guarded.

"Hola Señor!" I heard someone say from the side of the cavern. On the side were two very Mexican-looking persons. One of them was a black haired man that was wearing a dirtied red coat and just looked like a bum. The other wore a more detailed two-tailed blue coat, silver in hair, but both shared two characteristics.

A sombrero and a big, curly mustache.

"Mi nombre es El Donté e este es mi hermano, Vergílio! Nosotros estamos defendendo la Navidad. Sabemos el camino para la entrada!" you know, I never, ever thought those lessons in Portuguese would EVER help, but having had those, I could understand Spanish well enough to understand what that man was all about, contrary to any of my companions.

"He is offering to show us the path to the entrance," I simply explained and they all went "oooooh." Honestly, I had a bad feeling about this, but Sora was already running up ahead with those guys, so I didn't have much say in the matter.


We actually managed to enter through a door in the back, the massive ice castle feeling much more intimidating up close. Still, with El Donté and Vergílio leading us through the convoluted hallways, we finally managed to get to one of the three checkpoints in one journey. According to the plans we had gotten from Santa, there were three major halls we had to go through to change floors, and this seemed to be the first one. The "Cashing Community" hall. Huh… sounds familiar.

"Vamonos, vamonos!" El Donté exclaimed, opening the doors to the large room and rushing inside with his brother, calling us from the inside. The Hall LOOKED empty, so the eight of us slowly moved in.

And a cage fell onto us.

"Great. Thanks for your trusting input Christmas Blue!" I admonished before looking back to the duo as they discarded their sombreros and fake mustaches. No…

"HA! *Bleeping* dumb *Bleep* *Bleep* *bleep**bleep*ches," I think I learned like, two new curse words in those few seconds, it all made sense…

"Indeed, brother which has a smaller penis than I. To think you got fooled by a simple sombrero and mustache. Of course we are, in fact, Vergil and Dante!" he announced.

"The rebooted ones!" Riku shot back the moment they opened their mouths.

"Not for much longer…" Not-Vergil explained, turning his back.

"Yeah, when the master's plan is *bleep* ing done, then everyone will have to *bleep*ing accept us as the *bleep*ing mainstay!" Seriously, the fact that this guy had the name of Dante was a disgrace on the universe and everything in it.

"Master's Plan?" Xion asked.

"Of course you dumb *bleep*. Why the *bleep*do you think we want *bleep*ing Christmas?" Dante shouted, and he was just THIS close to spewing off the beans that I couldn't believe he was that dumb.

"That is enough," another decadent symbol of a once great era said. Chris Redfield, along with his trade-marketed alcoholic beverage that he had had ever since the last game walked in, still half drunk.

"Oh, I see where this is all going. This hall... it's the hall of Cashing Community, huh? Cashcom! You sold yourself out too, Chris?!" Kairi exclaimed, kicking the bars to no avail. "TELL ME! How does it feel? To be trash that sells his body for money?!"

Chris didn't take mind and turned his back on us, telling Donte and Vergin to just watch over us until Christmas passed then left the room.

"Any ideas and I'll pop a cap on all yo asses!" Donte exclaimed, removing his sorry excuses for Ebony and Ivory from his pocket.

Then, the room lit up as a blue light nearly blinded us all.

"Target sighted, beginning mission," a cool, calm voice said as we began to see three silhouettes.

"Hey, who the *bleepity bleeping bleepo* are you?!" I'm still amazed at his vocabulary. I got to give him at least that, it IS colorful.

"Capcom Strike Force," the voice said while the light dimmed down. Three people stood where the light once shone, one of them was known of us, the REAL Dante of course, the other two were a brunet woman in a bodysuit and a ponytail and… was that a robot? "My name is X and you are under arrest for…" X began, raising his arm and projecting a hologram: "Name and identity theft, mediocre conduit, exhibitionism, public aggression, conspiring against a universal holiday, tasteless dick jokes and…" X did a double take a looked at Dante, who just chuckled. He sighed and finalized with: "Assorted suckage. Dante, take him in," X told Dante, patting him on the back.

"Oh, please, resist arrest," Dante begged, walking down on his would-be self.

"*Bleep*. You gotta be *bleeping* kidding me! You think I have to listen to you? Mega Man X? More like Canceled Man X!" Oh no he didn't.

"Oh no you didn't," Dante warned, slowly stepping to the side.

"I'll take it from here," X said, mouth dripping with verbal venom, slowly trudging towards Donte. Donte took his sword and swung at the reploid, whose hand just blocked it, grabbed it, and with a snap downright broke it. "LISTEN HERE, YOU INSUFERABLE MAN-CHILD!" X roared, everyone's eyes boggling at the answer. "See this? This is an X-buster," he pointed at his cannon-like arm. "If I put it into overdrive, I can blow half of this castle apart! So please, for once, satisfy my urges of ENDING someone! One more canceled joke. Why not a trash bin one? Oh, I know, why don't you just go *bleep* you just to be edgy? Any one of those means I'm going to take this, shove it up yours and press the trigger! GOT IT?!" X roared, his forehead hitting Donte's, who was sweating buckets right now. "So… are you coming in quietly, or not?" Donte just nodded, being as quiet as possible at it.

"At least tell me you're resisting arrest…" Dante asked Not-Vergil, but alas, the fake just threw his sword into the ground and crossed his arms, unwilling to get anywhere near Dante or even worse, X. As all of that continued, Xion, I mean, Christmas Black, kicked open the cage after picking the lock for it in just a few minutes.

"Damn, you couldn't even get a GOOD lock!" Xion exclaimed, boredom striking her expression.

"What's with the ruckus down here?" Chris questioned, coming down the stairs and meeting with two apprehended underlings and an entire cast wanting to kick his ass. "Oh, hello Jill,"

"How could you…" the woman began, holding a copy of Resident Evil 6. Still have nightmares about how not-scary that thing was.

"They paid me for it. A lot," he deadpanned, taking another drink, apparently not even worried.

"You were the chosen one Chris! I loved you!" Jill cried, pointing her gun at her former comrade. "You give me no choice Chris, I have to take you in…" Chris began laughing.

"You know Jill, I'd never sell my soul JUST for money," he was sounding quite drunk at the moment, his bottle smashed on the ground and face all red. "They gave me the power to PUNCH BOULDERS! How could I say no Jill, how could I-"he suddenly slumped forward, falling down the staircase to the next floor quickly and one might have guessed, painfully. Standing behind where he was . . . was Wesker.

"That was for the sunglasses you shot. Your new God requires only the best of appearances," he said, putting handcuffs onto the larger man. As they all wrapped up, Dante turned to us.

"We got this from here kiddos. You run on ahead, there's a holiday you gotta save," Dante told us, patting Sora and me on the back. "Oh and from now on, you should look for a key to pass through the halls. Wesker destroyed the lock at the top of these stairways, but that won't happen," Did this castle operate on video game logic. Has to give an excuse for us to actually go through the challenges instead of running past them?

"Damn, that changes things! We must be quicker! Wonder-I mean, Christmas 101, form up and move out! The eternal light of Christmas depends on us!" I shouted, immediately rushing up the stairs.

"Talk about passion…" Dante said from the distance.


Merlina's PoV:

*Cue: "Corneria" SSBB OST*

I flew around on the Arwing, blasting everything bellow me with giant refrigerators filled with equally gigantic traditional food enchanted for our tired troops. It's practical! Anyway, it wasn't long until I heard from the cockpit beside me:

"Fox, do you copy? They are dispersing!" a voice from one of the screens exclaimed.

"Roger that Falco," Fox replied, turning a sharp turn to avoid one of those exploding catapulted Prinnys, "We're nearly done wrapping up here," the fox told me and I nodded back.

"Yeah, if this continues, we may just be able to help my k- oh what is THAT?!" Suddenly the entire NORTH POLE shook with not one, but two roars and ROCK AND ROLL! "That sounds sooo… awesome!" and little did I know, it looked just as awesome. It came from the skies, the clouds opening as the greatest thing descended from the skies.

It was a giant, flying, white shark with a laser canon attached to its forehead. Said shark had a T-Rex… with a beard, made of rocks, manning the cannon! And on top of it was an undead guitarist playing the best hits of rock and roll ever. Did I mention he was literally on fire?!

My headphone was tingling, but it took a long time until my brain stopped melting with awesome which allowed me to actually listen as that god slowly came down from its home.

"Merlina, you with us?" Rex questioned with his squeaky elf voice.

"Y-yes... I think so. I think I'm in love again though," I told my husband. He shouldn't feel bad. You just couldn't compete with this…

"Sure. Just saying that North informed me that that is Epicus Maximus. We are going to try and handle this on the ground, you get Fox and the others to handle it as best as you can," I turned off the call.

"We have to fight… that?" I said while the Arwings flew in circles around the Shark/T-Rex/Undead.

"Calm down Merlina, the Starfox team has gone tho-"

"THAT IS FUCKING AWESOOOOME!"

"Never mind then," Fox said, opening the cockpit and jumping into the opposite wing. "Keep her steady Kyrs. We need all the firepower we can manage," Fox said, removing a laser canon from below his seat and heaving it over his arm.

Then, catastrophe struck.

"Fox, I've been hit!" Slippy spoke. I hated that voice. Oh, the getting hit part? Meh. Suddenly, five Arwings swooped in in front of us, and I could just guess what I was about to hear.

"Can't let you do that, Star Fox!" Well, I guess that if Santa called Star Fox, it was a matter of time until they called in Star Wolf. Still, I looked back at Fox and saw in his eyes how there was no easy way about this,"

"Well, there goes that. Rex?" I called. "Tell Santa I'm going to use THAT. Get everyone out of here,"


Sora's PoV:

"Hall of Mimicry…" I said as we arrived at the entrance of the room.

"If Gogo is inside that door, I swear I will jump right out that window," Terra told everyone, memories of a past life haunting her. We all nodded in agreement, if Terra would react like that, I don't how we'd take it. All but one.

"NO! We must endure the stupid riddle-based boss fight in the name of CHRISTMAS! FOR THE PRESENTS! Christmas 101, move in!" seriously, Shin and Christmas… are not a good pair.

Shin knocked the door down as he screamed: "CHRISTMAS KICK!" turning more into a superhero by the second, and we were met by a completely empty room outside of various steel pillars with a stairway on the other side.

There was just one thing in the entirety of this white room. Just one. A man. No. An elf.

"Elrond?!" we asked as we rushed at him. As we reached him, Elrond slowly walked to us.

"You took far too long for me to stand and wait. I have cleared the room for you. If you would come here, I would grant you the access key," he told us, showing us a small Key and explaining. "If you want to progress any further, you will take it," Shin nodded and grabbed the key, only to be uppercut, knocking his mask off, kneed in the gut and then kicked aside with extreme prejudice. Elrond still had the key and grabbed the mask. As soon as he did, the mask seemed to shift with a technological click, numbers appearing everywhere over it, as well as over Elrond's dress, turning it into black leather, but not changing it form. The mask became a pair of sunglasses which he put on.

"Hello, Mister Leonhart," he said in the smuggest, calmest and…

"His name is Christmas Blue!"

"Agent Smith… I didn't even know you were real!" I began, summoning my Keyblade.

"Don't tell me you still think anything in fiction is safe from appearing in this story," Agent Smith said. Wait, what? "You seem… surprised. I understand. It is not every day that you are, in fact, nothing but words in a paper,"

"What kind of crap are you spewing Smith?" Riku, I mean, Christmas… Gray, right? Yeah, Gray! He shouted.

"Smith? No, no. Weaving. Smith is merely the persona I once took," he admitted, shifting back into Elrond and then into Smith again. "I am a mimicker, a shifter, an… actor if you will," Weaving explained. "However, unlike you, I am aware! I know who I am, who I played. I know that we are simply in a story of a fan who enjoyed our stories far too much… and is on a lot of crack," well, I have to admit, if we were a story, the crack part would make sense.

"So, you are saying that we are in a fiction… made out of a fiction?" I said, knowing that-

*Inception Boom*

That would happen.

"In a way, yes. And that is why I-"time slowed around him, allowing him to dodge a bullet from Xio-Christmas Black. I'd make an awful super hero. Of course he had to lean back all the way as he was contractually obligated. "And what was that for?"

"After all the times we broke the fourth wall, you think you can pull those tricks on us? Hell, Herald gave up on rebuilding the thing like, a year ago!" she… well, she was right. "Also, you think slow motion will save you? Get a load of this!" she shot her guns and added: "HASTE!" in midair just for the kicker. Needless to say, slow motion bullets that were accelerated just went at the same speed, so there was no "Matrix Dodge" to save Weaving this time. However, there was something else to save him.

The fact that we were now surrounded by Agent Smith clones.

"What just happened?" Xion questioned.

"You never saw the rest of the Matrix movies?!" Riku asked back as we all backed into a ball.

"No! I just saw the first, the others sucked!" Again, arguably true.

"And you did very well child…" we looked at the entrance and… was that Gandalf?! "Weaving…"

"McKellen…" the agents said as Gandalf entered the room.

"You are scraping the bottom of the proverbial barrel I see," McKellen said, approaching the mass of Agent Smiths.

"Someone who still has a job after the Hobbit ends would not understand," Weaving snarled back, taking off his glasses for a moment.

"Oh, now that you mention, do you remember who I am?" Weaving looked at McKellen with an estranged look. "I am Gandalf and… MAGNETO!" he shot his arm forward and ripped out Weaving's key right from his shirt, grabbing it and throwing it at me. After that, he arched his arms and pulled out all steel pillars, creating a storm of magnetism and pillars. Why didn't the ceiling fall though? Were those just for show…? "Fly you fools!" Gandalfneto told us, holding back Smilrond with his magnetic powers. We ran up the stairs, only to see someone block our path. He was tall, had an awesome beard and muscles, wearing a gray and beige armor with an S on his chest.

"I see some pests have arrived!

"'tis time to take the trash out of my sight!"

I could not understand if he was singing or trying to speak.

"Do not dare treat us as trash! We are the Christmas 101!" Shin roared, rushing past us and "Christmas Punch-ing" the assailant. Only to have his hand caught by the elder man.

"And I'm Jor-el! Do not forget my name!"

"Do not forget me! Christmas 101!"

"Oh… so THAT'S what the blatant plot point was for!" I exclaimed, reaching for my pocket, looking at Jor-el and… Kryptonite to the head. And down he goes. Some "super-race"…

"Impressive Christmas Blue! Onward, for Reindeer and Elves!" Do I even want to know what Shin was on right now? He was sounding more and more like his mom . . .


Aqua's PoV:

"What is Merlina DOING up there Santa?!" I asked. The army was all retreating as best as it could, considering we had a flock of murderous penguins behind our backs.

"You never heard legend of Burninator?" he asked me as if it were the most normal thing in the world. I, of course, shook my head. "He was man… I mean, he was dragon-man! I-huh, I mean he was just dragon… but he was still TROGDOR! He Burninated far and wide, the countryside, the peasants and especially the fast-roof cottages! Burninator only stopped by Eeveelution team lead by Champion Jade,"

My first reaction would be to ask "what the hell are you smoking", but honestly, I didn't care anymore. After exploding penguins, Epicus Maximus and refrigerator rains, I gave up.

"Forsake everything to Burnination! TROGDOR!" Merlina chanted raising her staff to the skies and jumping off the Arwings, which left to do what barrel rolls in the sky.

What appeared from the giant summon glyph Merlina had conjured was so… okay, it was stupid as hell! It didn't look anything like a dragon. Heck, it looked like a childish drawing of a dragon! Like someone had just stuck two S together, drawn the scales and teeth with consummate V, stuck two stick-figure legs on the bottom, two tiny wings on the back and… was that a massive, muscled human arm coming out of its neck?!

"BURNINATE!" the "dragon" roared in a strength that actually surprised me. It was equal or even stronger than rock and roll fueled sharks and T-rexes. Merlina landed on it and the two really strangely endearing titans stared down at each other. Badly drawn dragon facing the epitome of testosterone filled fantasy.

"Trogdor, use Headbut!" was this Pokémon now? Trogdor exclaimed his now catchphrase and slammed its malformed head into the T-Rex on top of the shark. For a moment, the whole trio shook, however, Epicus Maximus had a set of skills up his sleeve. The eyes of the shark lit up and shot LASER BEAMS into Trogdor. "Oh, you wanna play rough? Trogdor, use BURNINATE!" as she called it, the skies tore up and a choir of angels sang. From Trogdor spewed rainbow colored, glitch-looking fire, tearing up the T-Rex and the Shark bit from bit, because apparently they were computer programs, causing the flaming undead to fall unto Trogdor's head, right in front of Merlina.

"Anti-Rockja!" she chanted, doing nothing but slamming headphones into her opponent before he could shoot her with his radical sound waves. He spasmed repeatedly and fell onto the ground, lifeless. "The ultimate anti-music fan spell. Music from Sawtooth Skrillber, the bastard child of Skrillex, Bieber and Sawtooh Grin," I suddenly felt sorry for the undead…


Kairi's PoV:

We had just crossed the third room. The Fantasy Room. It had been… empty, just a key in the center, ripe for the taking. We had used Christmas Yellow, Terra's power to scout thoroughly, and only when we were sure that was done did we pick up. Now, we had reached the final door, one that seemed to require all three keys to be used. We opened all of it and got ready to confront the king. The throne room was massive, but empty, just the regular "giant carpet leads to the throne" kind of deal.

"Welcome, welcome! I am the lord of this castle. You may call me, Penguinlord," genius naming capabilities.

"Penguinlord, creature of intentions most foul, surrender now and I shall take mercy upon you on behalf of Christmas!" Shin was really going off the deep end. The "penguinlord" a guy wearing a brown robe and nothing more, covering his face even, just laughed.

"I admire your passion. I am a kind ruler and I am willing to give you a chance. What do you say, shall we end the bloodshed and wager it on a competition?" This smelled really tricky…

"Very well, we'll give you a chance," Terra spoke, ever the kind soul. After a chuckle, I cried at the tremor that came. The top of the castle just exploded! We were, as of now, a glorified arena in the skies. Lights erupted from the sides of the room and a single blackboard rose. The ground lit up and two… basket poles rose. Oh for f-

*Cue: "Space Jam Theme"*

Slowly and surely, smoke appeared on the western edge of the arena, and from whence it came, the original Quad City DJ's, the authors of the space jam theme! With their new vocal, Nath. . . as the lead rapper?

Everybody get up,
It's time to slam now
We got a real jam goin' down
Welcome to the Pole Jam
Here's your chance
Do your dance at the
Pole
Jam
Alright . . .

Oh, this was just rich. It was a giant, basketball field. One that opened in the center, two announcers exclaiming:

"Here we are ladies and gentlemen to the slamdown of the century! I am Mike, and he is Chris, and we are here to announce the match between the Dream Team and the Santa Suckers! Onto you Chris" A zombie and a cyborg exclaimed from a helicopter above. Where had I met those two before?

"Santa Suckers?! NEVER! We are the CHRISTMAS CRUSADERS!" Shin… please shut up.

"First off we have our very own Dream TEAAAAM! With the highest dunk score in the history of B-Ball its Darius Barkley!"

A muscled, black haired man with dark skin appeared, the number zero on his shirt.

Hey you, watcha gonna do?

"Second, the one whose dunks shake the court! Michael Jarvaaaaaaan!"

A taller, sleeker man arose, B-Ball on his arm and "DEMACIA!" written on his shirt.

Hey you, watcha gonna do?

"And now we have the wild card, he with the helicopter dunk! Magic Jaxon!"

This one had a… hood? And no number outside of a lamppost that somewhat formed a one?

Hey you, watcha gonna do?

"The girl with the power, VIrd!"

This couldn't be legal! Those were steel gauntlets that pink haired woman was wearing!

Hey you, watcha gonna do?

"And finally, the one who started it all! The first, the only, DUNKMASTER Yi Robinsoooon!"

Hey you, watcha gonna do?

It was only when the announcement was over and Nathan's intro slid into the verse that I realized we needed a team…

"Okay, who goes in there?" I asked, I knew I was in there, but I didn't know who else.

"Blue, Pink, Gray and Black! Let's go!" Shin exclaimed, claiming me, Sora, Xion and Riku. It was a fine choice really. The others sat on the bench, waiting.

We came face to face with the enemy team. They were at least twice as big as us… I think they didn't even need to jump to get to the hoop!

Come on and SLAM!

And welcome to the JAM!

Come on and SLAM!

If you wanna JAM!

"I will dunk you…" Darius Barkley warned, slamming the ball so hard into Shin's arms that he fell face flat on the ground, earning a squawking laughter from a suddenly huge crowd of penguins.

Penguin people in the arena let's go

It's your boy TorNathan a'ight so,

Pass that ball and watch me dunk

From behind my back, you know what's up!

"Seems like we're off to a bad start for the Crusadering Suckers as Darius has humiliated their leader! How will they respond?" Chris yelled, pressing the wrong buttons for Shin. As soon as the referee whistled, he dashed past Darius and Jarvan before they could even react and jumping directly for the dunk… only to get slammed down from the air by Vird.

"Let's get dunkin'!" she exclaimed, a line appearing between her and our basket. She rushed straight toward the field, coming straight at me, who was defending the basket. We all tried to body block her but… she just slammed right through us, jumping for the dunk.

"And VIrd assaults the basket with her trade marketed Assault and Dunkery! What a show!"

We all looked onwards in disbelief as VIrd looked back to us, giving us the middle finger. It only got worse from there.

To the League, all in your face!

Demacia, you know the place!

Slam it, dunk it, Ionia!

Rock it, Noxus, Piltover-Vi-ah!

"And there it goes! Magic Jaxon is soaring through the air, his hand like a helicopter, the ball like on a propeller! The helicopter dunk! The first quarter has ended with a score of 46 to none!"

We regrouped after the first quarter, deciding to take a more defensive position and focus on counter attacks… it didn't work that well.

"OH MY GOD! MICHAEL JARVAN CREATES A CRATER AROUND HIMSELF, TRAPPING THE ENEMY TEAM! He then passes down to Yi Robinson, who scores a clean dunkaroo!"

To our defense, that was clearly insane. He had literally slammed the ball into the ground so hard it trapped us all in a giant crater.

Just work that body, work that body

Try real hard to crush somebody!

Get wild and blow some minds,

Take this thing into overtime!

"And there it goes! Dunkmaster Yi Robinson just darts across the field in two seconds flat! THE DUNK! THE DUNK! 87 to none! And we go to halftime," Mike announced, one of his teeth slipping out of his rotten maw.

I think we all realized where this was going by now. I was like a snail near that guy. ME!

"And we start the halftime with a reinvigorated offensive from the Crusaders! They really need to step it up if they want to… AND VIrd just DESTROYED that black-haired chick! Oh my that was nasty! FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FIELD! THAT IS A THREE POINTER!" Chris yelled out of his robotic lungs.

Hey Dunk Squad, burn it up!

Nath gonna rap it up!

This game gon' be on fire!

The Dream Team gon' dunk on higher!

We struggled through the third quarter, but the result was as clear as day. We had no business even being here… I had no idea what we could do.

"Not going to just give up like this!" Riku exclaimed at the last seconds of the quarter. It was useless… but he still jumped up to stop the Dunk.

"I don't know if I'm feeling this! No one is able to stop Darius' Noxian Guilodunk!" Riku tried to though, his hand hitting Darius… I could hear the crack from afar. "AND THERE IT IS!" Darius dunked the ball, Riku and the backboard itself! "Noxian Guilodunk, DESTROYING Riku and everything around him! And with the score at 130 to none, I think this is it for the Crusaders…" Mike said. We all watched the penguins carry Riku to the infirmary, out hope in all of this lost.

"Wow! That was just as bad as when One snapped his arm in half at the Olympian Cup, eh Mike?" Cyborg Chris said.

"I would rather not think about what happened that day," Mike answered.

"What are they talking about?" I asked aloud as we mourned Riku's broken body.

Ooh

With a face like that

Pain

Darius dunked that back!

We slithered back to the bench and sat down, sighing deeply and taking in how "slammed" we were. Between the laments, we heard a small voice.

"I… I want to replace Riku," Terra announced. Shin shook his head and turned to her.

"The game is already lost and besides Terra, it's not like you'd want to be there with them. It's-" A chill ran down his and everyone's spines stopped Shin from going ANY further.

"The Dunk… I can feel it awakening in someone," Yi Robinson said from afar. Terra's hair exploded in a green hue and she pulled Shin's forehead into hers:

"Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see?! Do you know how much I dunk a year?! I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into the court? A team big enough that it could be listed on the NBA Hall of Fame goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger of getting slammed, Shin. I am the slammer. A guy looks at the blackboard and sees he just got points scored against him and you think that of me? No! I am the one who dunks!"

I think we were all speechless after that outburst. Terra's eyes were just BURNING with intensity, magic steaming off her like sweat, she was… in the zone. For some reason, I thought that it was possible. For our team to somehow recoup all of that. I have no idea what passed me by, but I jumped back up and nodded at her.

"Let's do this guys!" I put my hand forward. Xion, Sora, Shin and the now burning Terra looked at each other and smiled, joining hands with me for what would be our glorious final battle!

"FOR CHRISTMAS!"

Oh, what is this?

A comeback, from abyss?

On the verge

Of slam dunk,

Breaking bones

And righteous funk!

From against the Squad

The SOLDIERs fight,

Against the dark

For the light!

We rushed towards the field, ignoring all the booing and entered the B-Ball court. First thing Terra did, was in an act of defiance, reenact the start of the game. She walked up to Darius and looked him straight in the eyes.

"No mercy," Darius said, slamming the ball back into her hands. A shockwave went across the stadium, cracking the floor, stands and the throne, but Terra did not move. No. She smiled.

"Darius, you call yourself a B-Baller?" she questioned eerily, looking deep into his mind. He nodded gruffly. "Then you have ever seen it? The Holy Grail of B-Ball?" he was confused, so were all of us. Terra smiled and took a step back. She pointed her Basket Ball at Darius and chanted:

"I am the star of my court.

Spalding is my body and Gatorade is my blood.

I have slammed over a thousand blackboards.

Unaware of teamwork, nor aware of rules.

Have withstood fouls to dribble many B-balls.

I have no regrets, this is the only sport!

My whole life is… Unlimited Slam Dunks,"

She finished the chant, throwing the basketball up high, illusion taking the backgrounds, turning the field into an illusion of Madison Square Garden at its finest. Crowds were roaring, commentators speechless, ending of Nathan's rap, and B-Balls were… raining? Yes, what it looked to be infinite basketballs were falling from the sky.

"Unlimited Slam Dunks. The ultimate Basketball spell. I created a universe where all B-Balls that were ever dunked exist. A world with no life, only basketball. A world with no people, only players. Where there is no blood, only Gatorade. Where there is no future, only overtime! So, shall we kick this match into overtime?!" Terra yelled, taking both basketballs at her side and vanishing, appearing on top of their hoop and SLAMMING both in!

"Wait, is this even lega-" Chris began, but none of the ones on the field were having none of it! We were in it! The heat, the anticipation, the will to dunk! All of us rushed to the unlimited B-Balls just bouncing up and down and dashed across the field.

I hit VIrd shoulder with shoulder, managing to beat her down in her own game and dashing for the dunk.

Sora avoided the cataclysmic force of Michael by jumping over him and dunking.

Xion slowed Yi and propelled herself forward, dunking repeatedly.

Shin grabbed the ball right out of Jaxon's helicopter dunk.

This was no basketball match anymore. This was a dunking battle! Bodies were flying, balls were being dunked, cheers, cries, roars.

Everybody get up,
It's time to slam now
We got a real jam goin' down
Welcome to the Pole Jam
Here's your chance
Do your dance at the
Pole
Jam
Alright . . .

"I never thought I would ever announce this but here it is! The last few seconds of this mind-blowing game and with it coming down to the 499-500, our own Dream Team leading! The final B-Ball is being dribbled! Terra is rushing down the field, Darius is the last one standing! Will he be able to stop this B-Baller's true power?" Mike asked. I hoped not. Terra and Darius looked at each other, accepting each other's silent challenge. Terra's body exploded into trance, erupting upwards into the skies. Her violet energy all concentrated around her as all of the world seemed to stop their fights to watch. And so, she dove downwards, her fanged mouth proclaiming:

"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOS… DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK!" as Darius jumped up to stop her violet energy infused Dunk. What happened next nearly broke the very fabric of reality. Two true B-Ballers collided, and as we all know, there is only the dunker and the dunked. With a victorious and final roar, Terra dunked through the hoop with Darius, looking just like a violet lightning, past it, and slammed Darius so hard on the ground he broke through all the floors of the castle with the B-Ball.

It was over.

Yo Dream Team

You just got BAPTIZED!

"AND OH MY GOD, IT IS BEAUTIFUL, I AM CRYING, MY LIFE IS COMPLETE! IT IS OVER! I WANT THIS GAME TO HAVE MY CHILDREN!" Zombie Mike exclaimed, tears streaming down his deteriorating figure.

"OH SWEET LORD, THIS IS BETTER THAN EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN ALL OF LIFE AND EXISTENCE IN THE EXISTING EXISTANCE OF EVERYTHING! EVEN MORE SO THAN MONA!" Cyborg Chris screamed.

"It is over Penguinlord! Now adhere to the rules and let Christmas be!" Shin exclaimed, standing in front of Penguinlord, scarf waving in the wind as all of us, including a cured Riku, stared down on him. Again, he laughed.

"Amazing performance! Truly inspirational! However, you have failed to realize what I was really plotting…" Penguinlord stated, from behind him erupting a giant explosion of snow and fire in the mountains behind.

"What IS that thing?!" I yelled a I saw a shadow appear in the geyser of snow and fire.

"A present from my necromancers…" he told everyone, suddenly vanishing in a flash of light, along with all penguins. It was silent. Deathly silent. I hated silence. From the clouds of snow, something was coming.

""My armour is like tenfold shields," echoed through the skies.

"There is no way…" Shin began, his feet and legs trembling.

"My teeth are swords," from the cloud, it exploded, swallowing the helicopter and everyone inside it with it. A massive dragon, his scales, crimson like the boiling blood of his adversaries. Ergo, us.

"My claws spears," it locked eyes into the tower and landed on it, it's massive, serpentine body taking over all of the space, we were standing between its wings.

"The shock of my tail is a thunderbolt," to prove his point, the massive tail hit two of the towers around the castle.

"My wings a hurricane," every single one of us was sent flying with one beat of its wings, barely holding on to the edge of the opened tower. I could feel his eyes lay upon us all.

"And my breath death!" he roared, the entire North Pole quaking at its wrath.

"Smaug…" Shin gasped, still looking upwards.

"I am honored you would know my name, Spawn of Merlina. Would you be so kind as to… point me towards my old friend?" he asked, slithering around with his neck and surveying surroundings.

"Smaug! Your fight is with us! We are the protectors of Christmas!" Shin shouted. I think we all wanted to kill him as much as the dragon right now. We COULD NOT do ANYTHING to SMAUG! And the low, guttural laughter he let out was just the answer we needed.

"That is amusing human. I shall leave you all for last. Now watch, as the raising of Dale happens anew!" Smaug boomed, large wings of death opening and flapping, the Dragon Dread taking flight in the direction of the colliding armies. And so, he roared:

"I AM FIRE! I AM DEATH!"

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below

Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls

And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke

Keep watching over Durin's son

*Credits Roll*


Next Chapter:

"Am… Smaug the… Stupendous?!"

"You are not Santa! You will never be Santa!"

"You don't believe only on yourself! Believe in the me that believes in the Christmas!"

Next time on Normalcy? Extremely Overrated: The Desolation of Satan Claws


Post-Chapter Note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH! I just pulled a Jackson on you all! See ya at New Years! Don't forget to review if your brain didn't become mud or mush.