I'm so sorry for not updating in ages. And I really feel like I'm saying that a lot nowadays but here's the thing- you know at first I was going to have a sequel for this, and then I didn't know because I was getting sick and tired of fanfiction and then I couldn't come up with an ending for this. Also, the sequel for this would have been the one where the syoc- characters would be in more. And I'm sorry, but it's still looking like the sequel won't happen. But the characters will however come more into this towards the end. So, sorry… But I do not want to write a story that doesn't feel right because that wouldn't be fair on you guys. However… I have come up with an ending FINALLY. So it's actually looking like this story won't drag on forever. YAY. Which is great- at least to me. So… Yep. That's it. And do you want to know something? One of the few reasons that I didn't just go through with deleting this all together is that I want to go on with the Mike- storyline. So YAY for Mike! Well, let's just get on with the chapter.
"I said I'm fine Carole."
Keith kept on saying he was fine over and over again no matter what. It became more and more clear that he was lying, even to me even though I sat in the kitchen and couldn't see him. I sat on the floor with Mike, scratching behind his ears and listening to his growls in enjoyment.
"Keith I…"
"Where's your toy Mike?" Burt came over, I could guess it was to keep my thoughts away from eavesdropping to Carole's and Keith's conversation. "Where's your toy… can you go get it and we can go outside and play yeah? Give these two some privacy?" He nodded towards the living room door. "Where's your toy?"
I looked up and away from Mike. The living room door was just slightly opened and I spotted Mike's toy under the table. With that I looked back at Burt, if it was true that dogs could have favorites then that duck was Mike's- and second, to get outside we'd have to go just a second into the living room and we would still be interrupting their conversation.
"Come on." Burt rose to his feet. "It's perfect outside. You can get that toy first. Don't worry, Carole won't be mad at you." I nodded- then did as I was told. I would be more scared of Burt if I didn't do as he told me than of Carole if she would. And with that we tip- toed into the living room and I sneaked under the table. Then froze when I heard someone press on the keys of a piano by the wall.
"Do you play the piano?"
"Can I?" Keith still sounded weirdly distant while he looked to Carole who nodded and then moved. He sat down on the piano stool and placed his hands on the keys. "I… I… I can't find the words…"
"Then don't speak." Carole continued. "Just play." Keith looked back on her and biting his lip making his expression shy and kind of heartbreaking he pressed one key- then another one- and another one turning it into a melody. That turned it into a song when he- with a hoarse and troubled tone of his voice started singing.
I pulled slightly away from the other three people in the room and sunk down onto the floor. Mike sat next to me, even he seemed to be enjoying the music. Or he was just enjoying the fact that I was scratching him while listening.
In the third verse of the song there weren't actually many words- no words. Only a loud shout that made it sound like it came from a whole world of troubles. Which I guess it kind of did- I didn't know Keith and certainly not his problems and the only thing I could be told from the sound of the shout- or the song that he probably wasn't telling the truth that he was fine. Which wasn't too much of a surprise anyway!
"Oh Keith."
Carole's few words were barely even a whisper- not much more than a breath. Even though I didn't stay for long enough to hear the rest. As quietly as I could I crawled onto my feet and with Mike still by my side I hurried up the stairs and into my room. I didn't want to be rude, but something told me I had nothing to do with the ones in the living room. And that song… that song.
I only stopped once before I had closed my bedroom door. It was on my way through the living room when Keith turned and my eyes looked right into his. The green- brown color made shivers go through my spine, I had seen them before I knew. And I was trying to tell myself that that only reason was that I had met Keith before- and that the troubled glance was the only thing that made me shiver.
Those eyes. I didn't just recognize the color- but if it was true then the thing about that the eyes are the window to the soul- then Keith was broken… oh so broken.
I forced myself to look away and ran up the stairs. I didn't stop until I stood in my room but the sight of Keith's eyes wouldn't stop haunting me. The door was still slightly opened. And while I otherwise would have closed it as fast as I could. Now I could barely even care less. I didn't even see it at first- well, that was until Mike picked up a tennis ball from a corner, came over and dropped it by my feet and looked up at me. I tried to smile, he was so cute and I knew he was trying to cheer me up. So with that I forced myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and took a step out into the hallway after the ball that had rolled away over the floor.
"I don't understand…" Coming out into the hallway and returning to reality Carole hurried past me and a split second later, Burt came after her. They didn't even seem to see me and just hurried past me and into their rooms. Making a failed attempt to close the door. They didn't even seem to notice I was there as I backed towards the door and sunk onto the floor.
It's alright Cai. I thought to myself. Burt didn't try to push you he just didn't see you there.
"Look." I had been so far gone into my own thoughts I hadn't heard Carole's voice. Not until Burt's voice came next and interrupted the tone I'd heard of Carole's panicked rabbling and I crawled as quietly as I could over the floor and closer to the door. "Don't panic. That will not change a thing. I carefully leaned to my side and glanced at them with one eye- right into the wall with the other. "I don't know what it is with Keith… But I just… I just have a feeling… And you know my feelings have been right before."
"I just don't know what to do."
"None of us do." I kept glancing on them as Burt embraced his wife and she seemed to relax sinking into his touch. "But… we'll do our best and somehow we're going to make this work." He drew a deep breath. As if to let the silence speak the words he couldn't. And with that as I felt the tears burn behind my eyes- and I wished. Oh I wished.
The scene playing for my inner vision over and over again was clearer than the wall papered wall in front of me. And I wished- oh I wished that I could just so easily let myself be embraced. Relax and know that I was safe… And I was afraid it was very much too late. That I had been too broken by everything that happened earlier. Although maybe I shouldn't be… maybe if I had been strong enough.
Shut it Caitlin Romero! You have been through things that would break anyone. You sure haven't been too weak. Especially since you tried everything to keep strong.
But what if I didn't? What if I could have tried harder?
My thoughts were interrupted by Mike coming up beside me as he whimpered slight. I shushed him and then quickly crawled over the floor, into my room and closed the door after me. They better not find out I had listened to what they said- I would be in so much trouble!
I would never be proud to admit that I kept on looking and eavesdropping. But it was what I always had done. I had never had another way to find out if I was in trouble. And I had to know if I was in trouble to run from the one that would want to hurt me. That was what I had always been used to anyway, all until I came here.
All of the earlier times those eavesdropping moments would have been full of trouble. Moments when I would have to run for my life or just crouch or hide- hide wherever I could so people couldn't find me. But I couldn't feel that now and another strange feeling filled me up- only, it wasn't exactly a feeling. Although I guess it was- the feeling of a wish stronger than anything I had ever felt before.
I wished, I wished I wished I wished!
And after I came here…. I had felt better for a couple of days. Not much better but it had felt as if it was about to turn. It was what had made me dare to take Carole's hand standing at the top floor at the hospital, what had gotten me to nag her to tell her about Keith. It hadn't exactly gotten better it had just given me a feeling that it could and would.
And now, from nowhere it just changed. Maybe it was just the fact that a person I didn't know had come into the house. That I really had seen Toby on the supermarket or anything… But whatever it was it scared the hell out of me. And maybe I knew… maybe it would have all been clear to me if I had just admitted it to myself.
Only… those eyes
Playlist
Song that Keith plays- Skin- Sixx A.m.
Random fact
Yes, that song is where I got the title for this story from. I had the first chapter written, plans for what would be happening and had so much trouble coming up with a suiting title. And kept on going through songs I thought could suit- and was on the bus towards school going through every single line of that song and… here we are!
