A/N: So we finally get to learn Jane's tortoise's name in this chapter. ;)
Ma decided after our little conversation to take her lunch over to the guesthouse. Maura and I tried to get her to stay, but she said she wanted us to have as much time this weekend together as we could. We invited her back for pizza that night, but she turned us down.
"I'll call you in the morning and see if you want to do something. Otherwise I'll see you on Sunday to set up for Frankie's party," Ma promised.
"Ma, I came home to see you too!" I argued.
"I know. And you will. But right now, you two have things to work out and plan. If you need me, call me. Have fun, girls!" Ma closed the back door behind her and left Maura and I standing there, gaping.
"That went well, in the end," Maura said, sitting back down at the kitchen island to finish her lunch. "Sit down and eat, Jane. Your soup's getting cold."
"That could have gone a lot better. In fact, I expected her to be thrilled for us. I'm still worried about how she reacted. Did you get the feeling she was running away?" I hobbled up to the tall chair again, and was able to get up and into it faster this time.
"No. I think she was worried about you, and let that cloud her judgment and her reaction. I think she's happy for you, and that she was leaving to give us some privacy."
Maura took a bite of her sandwich and I took a bite of mine. We were both deep in thought for a few minutes when I sat up suddenly.
"Crap, Maura, where's your phone? Mine's upstairs!"
"Here Jane, what is it?" Maura asked as she slid her phone over to me, concerned.
I dialed my mother quickly, and didn't even bother to return her greeting when she picked up the phone. I had realized why she was so quick to run back to the guesthouse.
"Ma, don't you dare tell anyone what we told you today. That's up to Maura and I to tell people. Don't go calling Carla Talucci and all of your cousins. And don't you dare tell Frankie and Tommy. We'll tell them when we're ready. Probably this weekend, but that's up to Maura and I."
"I may have already called Carla," Ma said quietly. "And my cousin Teresa when I got Carla's voicemail. I had to tell somebody!" she whined.
"Jesus, Ma! We're going to start calling you the Angela News Network. Don't tell anybody else. This isn't your news to share. This is sensitive and new to both Maura and I. Let us tell people as we're ready to do it," I grumbled.
"Okay," Ma said quietly. "Janie?"
"Yeah?" I asked, wary of what she was going to say next.
"I'm sorry about the way I reacted. I am happy for you." Ma sounded genuinely apologetic, and I was relieved.
"I know, Ma. And thank you."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Ma. We'll see you tomorrow sometime, okay?"
"Okay baby. Bye."
"Bye Ma."
I hung up and gave Maura back the phone. "She already called Carla Talucci and her cousin Teresa, which means everyone in the old neighborhood already knows. If Frankie and Tommy are working then it shouldn't be a problem, because they probably won't see anybody from the old neighborhood. I'm thinking we're probably going to need to tell everyone else this weekend too."
"We had planned to, hadn't we?" Maura asked gently.
"Yes, but originally I thought that if the timing didn't feel right, we'd have other chances. Ma has kind of taken that option from us," I said morosely.
"Well, you did really well. I'm proud of you."
"Proud of me?" I was puzzled. I hadn't done anything to be proud of.
"Yes, because the Jane Rizzoli that doesn't take no for an answer was back in full force."
I grinned at her.
"Finish your lunch. Then let's go get Jo Friday from your mother, and I'll reintroduce you to your tortoise."
"Where are the tortoises?" I asked, looking around. I'd actually forgotten about them in the excitement of coming home, and felt a bit guilty.
"Probably under the heat lamp in the laundry room. It's cold for them."
"I may need a heat lamp. Am I always going to be this cold?" Was Maura keeping the temperature in her house lower now? Or was I just that sensitive to the cold?
"You're cold? Why didn't you say something?" Maura rubbed my arms. "Stay here. I'll be right back."
Before I could object, Maura had jumped up and was dashing upstairs. I took the last few spoonfuls of my soup, and before I knew it, she was back.
"Here, put this on."
"This is yours," I said, fingering the soft cashmere of the sweater she wrapped around me. "I'll probably get food on it."
"It's warm and soft and comfortable. Don't worry about it," Maura said.
"Thank you," I said. "I like having you wrapped around me."
Maura was still standing in front of me, and I pulled her in by her hips, so she was between both of my legs. She wrapped her arms around my back, and I kissed her, softly. She ran her tongue along my bottom lip, and I opened up to her, letting her in and deepening the kiss. She broke away after a several moments to catch her breath, and I started kissing down the nape of her neck, licking and sucking lightly. She smelled so good, and I couldn't get enough of her. Slowly I let my hands wander under the hem of her sweater, and they came to rest on her sides, just to the side of her breasts. She moaned when my hands made contact with her bare skin, and the sound alone sent a shiver down my spine. She brought her lips back to mine, and we kissed again, deeply.
"Jane," she whispered against my lips.
"What?" I asked, almost irritated that we interrupted ourselves.
"If you keep this up, I'm not going to be able to keep my hands to myself."
I groaned, and pulled away from her slowly. She did have a point. Being home with Maura now, like this, was suddenly making the entire "taking things slowly" idea seem entirely unnecessary and stupid.
We both knew though, that it was neither unnecessary nor stupid. She threaded her fingers through mine and helped me up, out of the chair.
"Come on. Let's go see Bass and Acantha."
"Acantha?"
"Well, it seems like your tortoise has taken on a lot of your personality. So I named her Acantha, which means 'thorn' or 'prickle'."
"You did not." Thorn? Prickle? Was I really that much of a shrew?
"I did. The name is also found in Greek mythology. Acantha was a nymph that was loved by Apollo."
"And Apollo was the god of light and the sun, truth and prophecy, healing, music, poetry, and…" I trailed off when Maura started staring at me.
"What? I took an entire semester of mythology at junior college. And you, my sweet, are definitely a goddess of light and sun, truth and prophecy and healing."
"Jane," Maura said with a smile as she stood on her tiptoes and gave me a peck on my lips. "That's one of the sweetest things you've ever said to me."
"And yet I seem to have a thorny or prickly personality," I mumbled.
"Well, you do, sometimes," Maura said truthfully. "And so does your tortoise. You did not spend enough time with her, Jane. She's not at all accustomed to human interaction, and as a result, she's a bit… snappish."
"So my turtle is a snapping turtle?"
"Tortoise!" Maura actually stomped her foot as she exclaimed.
"Now which one of us is thorny?" I laughed.
We made our way into the laundry room, where Bass was under the smaller of two heat lamps, and Acantha, who was still no bigger than a standard dinner plate, was lounging under the larger heat lamp. Bass looked up at Maura miserably before retreating into his shell. Acantha hissed at us both, then ambled over to Bass' dish to take out a British strawberry.
"See?" Maura said, laughing. "We're going to have to get a bigger heat lamp. Bass can't keep getting chased away from the larger one because of Acantha's greedy personality."
"Hey, she just knows what she wants and doesn't take no for an answer," I defended my tortoise, even if I hadn't seen her in months and had no idea what she was like outside of her terrarium.
"Like her human?" Maura said hopefully.
"Sometimes," I replied honestly.
Maura shook her head. "Always. Come on, let's go get Jo, then get you settled upstairs. I have a few things I need to show you."
We walked across the yard to the guesthouse, and Ma opened the door for us.
"Hey Ma, can we have-"
I didn't get anything else out of my mouth before Jo came barrelling out of the house, barking at the top of her lungs. She ran circles around my legs, stopping only to sniff me and the crutches, and then circling around again as she yowled in delight.
"I think she misses you," Ma said with a laugh as she closed the door.
Maura and I laughed, and we started walking back toward Maura's house. Jo ran from me to the door at Maura's and back again, as I slowly made my way back.
"Sorry girl, I'm not as fast as I was," I said ruefully.
Apparently this phrase in dog-speak translates into "go potty", because Jo took off for the opposite end of the yard, relieved herself, and then trotted happily back up next to us for the rest of the slow walk back across the courtyard.
"Well, at least we won't have to walk her later," Maura said with a laugh.
We made it back across the courtyard to Maura's house, and I tried not to shiver uncontrollably. I really should have put the winter coat that Maura had given me back on. Maura noticed and wrapped me in a tight hug, rubbing my back.
"We've got to be careful that we don't make you sick. I should have put a jacket on you. I didn't think."
"I didn't think either. I just have to get used to cold, fresh air again," I said.
"It's supposed to be a little warmer tomorrow, and very sunny. Maybe we can go to the Common and walk for a little while? It'll be a good substitute for your therapy, and you could use the additional vitamin D production from exposure to the sun."
"That sounds like a nice idea. Let's see how I feel though, okay? I still get tired quickly, and it might be hard to walk in the park."
"Sure," Maura said. "Come upstairs. I want to show you some things."
We made our way up the stairs slowly, with Maura behind me and Jo at the top of the stairs, wagging her tail at us. Halfway up my pelvis started to wobble, and I almost brought both of us down.
"Easy. Sit. Sit on the step," Maura directed, and I listened to her. She sat down next to me, and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close to her.
"I'm sorry. I'm not used to the stairs, and I am so tired. Some of it is all of this excitement about being home, and I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm just... sorry Maura. This has to be exhausting for you too."
"Nonsense. I am thrilled that you're home. By the end of the weekend these stairs are not going to seem as daunting to you," Maura's reassurances comforted me, but I imagined that she was likely just as exhausted as I was.
"Thank you," I murmured, burying my head in her neck.
We stayed that way for a few minutes longer, just holding each other while my legs and pelvis rested. I started kissing her neck again.
"Jane," Maura said, her tone a warning.
"What?" I mumbled, sucking and nipping at the base of her neck, toward the back where her long hair fell.
"Let's not start this again," she said, only halfway emphatic.
"Start what?" I asked innocently, and gave her a sharp bite before licking over it, easing the sudden pain I'd inflicted.
"Oh god," Maura breathed.
"You make the most delicious sounds," I said, as I kissed my way up from her neck to her lips. "I just want to kiss you all the time," I whispered against her skin.
She started moving her hands from around my waist to around my neck, and I let go of one of my crutches to tangle my hands in her hair. Without realizing it, the crutch slid down the flight of stairs, landing at the bottom with a loud crash. We both jumped apart.
"Jesus," I breathed out. "I'm sorry."
"Stay here, I'll go get it."
Maura stood up and walked back down the stairs, carrying the crutch back up to me.
"Can you stand back up?" she asked gently from the stair below me.
"I don't know. Kissing you makes me weak in the knees," I joked.
"You and me both," Maura responded.
"You're supposed to hold me up!" I grinned.
"Just get up, Jane," Maura responded, and when I did she gave me a playful swat on the behind.
She handed me the crutch, and we slowly made our way back up the rest of the stairs. Instead of heading into Maura's bedroom we made our way into the guest bedroom. Where a beautiful four-post bed had once stood was now a sterile looking hospital bed.
"You don't have to sleep there, if you don't want to. It's just here because there's a chance sleeping on a regular bed might be uncomfortable for you. I brought you in here to show you this."
Maura walked over to the bureau, and opened some of the drawers.
"There's clothes for you in here. When it's time for you to come home, we can either go shopping for new clothes or have your old clothes pulled out of storage. Hopefully there's everything you need for the weekend in here, but if you need something just tell me."
She walked over to the closet and opened it. I walked over behind her.
"I cleaned this out for you. I don't know if you'll want to stay in here or just stay with me in my room when you come home, but this space is yours. When you're ready, we'll clean out my closet together and make room for you in there."
I looked up at the top shelf, back beyond where Maura's eyes would reach, and reached up to take down the small plastic bin that was up there.
"You left something," I said, reaching in and taking out the item that was on top. I instantly regretted pulling the bin out. The item in my hand was a yellow baby onesie. Inside the bin was another onesie and a receiving blanket. They looked like an adorable matching set.
"Oh shit, Maura, I'm sorry."
"I forgot that was in there," she whispered, trying hard to keep her emotions in check but failing miserably. She had paled instantly and her hands had started to shake.
I watched her race to cover her face and she just crumpled there, down to the floor so quickly that I didn't think I could catch her. I dropped down onto the floor next to her, and pulled her into my lap, ignoring the pain in my pelvis.
"Maura, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her back and forth while she cried.
"I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them. I bought them a few weeks after you left, as a distraction. I tried to buy those things as a reminder to myself that I wasn't alone, that the baby and I were going to be a family. By then William was gone, you were gone, and I was facing becoming a single mother with a massive custody battle forming. Those baby things were something to look at and think about the future, so I didn't dwell so much on the past… and then afterward I just couldn't throw them away." She sobbed into my shoulder and I squeezed her tighter. "My due date was two weeks ago this Saturday, when Frankie and Tommy spent the day watching the game with you. Normally I don't get so emotional over dates but for some reason the passing of my due date has reopened the wounds for me."
I continued to rub her back as she sobbed. "Oh Maura. Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked softly.
Maura sniffled into my shoulder. "Your mother spent the day with me. She tried to keep me distracted, but I was a mess. I think I just needed to cry it out."
"I can only imagine how hard this is on you," I said as I rocked her back and forth gently. "I am so sorry. What can I do? How can I help you?"
Maura finally looked up at me and smiled at me weakly through her tears. "Just hold me," she whispered, and we sat like that for a long time, me rubbing her back and peppering her hair with kisses.
"You're not alone anymore," I whispered to her. "Even when I was gone, you were always in my heart. But I know that's not enough. I'm here now, and I'm sorry I ever left. I'm never going to leave you again, Maura." I continued to rock her back and forth and to rub her back, repeating my apology to her over and over again.
After a while Maura's sobs stopped, and eventually her breathing evened out. I realized that she had fallen asleep. I reached over and put the onesie back in the bin, and placed the plastic lid back on top. Then I quietly pushed it back into the closet and closed the door softly. I slowly slid us back toward the wall and leaned against it, taking some of the pressure off of my pelvis. I wrapped my arms back around Maura and dozed off with her in my lap, her head on my shoulder.
I'm not really sure how much time passed while we slept there like that. When I woke up the light had shifted in the room, and I figured we'd slept for at least an hour, if not more. Jo Friday was curled up next to us, snoring lightly. I shifted uncomfortably while trying to keep Maura as still as possible. There was nothing better than holding Maura in my arms, but my body definitely wasn't ready for long stretches on the floor up against the wall with someone on my lap. Maura sighed in her sleep, and I held her tighter. I felt like a real ass for opening up that box in front of her, but maybe it had opened a door for us. I was supposed to talk to Maura about her fears and what she was looking for out of this relationship. Although it would be painful, it looked like Maura definitely needed someone to talk to about her miscarriage. I tried to put myself in her shoes, losing my fiance and my best friend in one day, then realizing I was going to be a single mother with a custody battle coming up. Poor Maura couldn't even look forward to the joy the birth of her baby would have created, because it would have meant that William would have been ready to swoop in and take the baby from her. Maura was brave and had many resources available to her, but if I had been her, I would have been very scared and felt very alone.
It seemed like with each new day, I learned of some new way my departure from Boston had hurt someone. The guilt and the regret were becoming heavier and heavier burdens for me to carry. Accepting that I couldn't go back and change things was going to be difficult for me, but I understood that going forward, I could try to do right by all the people I'd hurt.
I debated waking Maura up. What had started out as simple discomfort was quickly becoming outright pain, but I didn't want to wake her. She seemed so peaceful sleeping in my lap. Between work and preparing for my arrival, I'm sure Maura was exhausted, maybe even more than I was. I decided to wait a little while longer. I rubbed gentle circles on Maura's back, and listened to her breathing.
Jo Friday must have sensed that I was awake, and she stood up, stretching. She yawned and then shook herself out, making her tags jingle.
"Shh, Jo!" I whispered to her.
Jo sat down on the carpet and wagged her tail, making a thumping noise, and causing Maura to stir.
She sat up, shifting some of her weight off of my pelvis and causing me to exhale in relief.
"Hey," I whispered to her, still rubbing her back.
"Did I fall asleep?" Maura asked, looking around. "Why are we on the floor?"
"This is where we wound up after we found the box in the closet," I said quietly, not wanting to upset her again. "I held you, and you fell asleep. I wound up dozing off too. I don't know how long we slept for, but I think it was a little while. It looks like the sun shifted." I pointed to the window.
Maura eased herself up and off of my lap, and even though sitting the way we had been had started to become painful, I missed her the instant she stood up. Maura looked over the bed to the clock on the nightstand. "It's almost four o'clock. I guess we slept for an hour or so."
"I needed the nap," I said, sheepishly.
"Me too, I think. Though sleeping on the floor in the corner of the guest bedroom isn't my idea of a nice place to nap."
"Really? It seemed like you thought my lap was comfy. You fit so nicely in it," I said proudly.
"It was comfortable, yes. But I do have a nice bed in my bedroom we can use the next time we want to nap."
"I wasn't planning on making a habit out of napping on the floor," I joked.
"Good."
"Maura?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yes?"
"Can I sleep with you tonight? I promise to behave," I said solemnly.
Maura looked at me with something akin to relief on her face. "I was hoping you would want to."
"Good. Could you help me up? I'm a little sore," I admitted.
"Oh, are you in pain? You're not supposed to support heavy weights with your legs and pelvis yet, Jane!" Maura's face registered shock at the realization.
"Relax, Maur. I'm okay. Really. And I don't care what the doctors say. If you need me to hold you, that's exactly what I'm going to do," I said softly.
Maura reached down and pulled me up into a standing position. I wobbled for a moment, but was otherwise fine. She handed me my crutches, and we made our way out of the guest bedroom.
"How about I order the pizza now, and we have an early dinner and then watch movies until we want to go to bed?"
"Can we have dinner on the couch?" I asked hopefully. Between climbing in and out of the chairs in the kitchen and sitting on a floor for over an hour, my pelvis was in full protest mode.
"Absolutely."
"Good. I like that plan. My butt needs somewhere soft to sit," I laughed.
"You should have woken me up," Maura admonished.
"I liked holding you too much," I admitted.
"You could have injured yourself, or caused your hardware to shift or given yourself a muscle strain." Maura's tone told me this was serious stuff, but it still didn't matter to me.
"And it would have been worth it to injure myself if holding you brought you even an ounce of comfort."
"You brought me more than an ounce of comfort," Maura said quickly. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did when you pulled out that onesie. I don't even know why I reacted that way."
"You have nothing to apologize about. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I'm here now though, and if you want to talk about it, or anything else, I'm willing to listen," I offered.
"I know, Jane. Thank you," Maura said sincerely as we finally made our way downstairs.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: The next chapter will give this story a rating change to M for mature. This means if you're not a registered user here, and you come to the site to search for this story, you must set the search parameters to include M-rated stories. The story isn't disappearing, but from the next chapter onward will carry an "M" rating and it will not be visible in regular search results. Again, remember, Sunday's update will be M-rated.
Thank you, that is all, please continue going about your business. :)
