I hugged myself, trying to fight off the chill that had nothing to do with the low temperature. I wasn't sure if I could take it any longer. The atmosphere inside was so depressing, understandably. The only wolf in the whole house was Jake, and he was so busy trying to comfort Ness. She had only just drifted into a fitful sleep, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Matt was resembling a comatose patient; he just stared at the wall blankly and his eyes didn't register anything.

Yet, these reactions weren't as bad as Carlisle.

The man I expected to be the calmest in the face of tragedy was the only one who seemed to have cracked fully. When Edward and I walked in on him, he was frothing at the mouth and Alice and Jasper were forcibly holding him down. When I looked into his eyes, they were crazed and far from reason. They only reflected his great loss and grief. I had looked at Alice, feeling helpless. Edward immediately took Jasper's place, and Jasper wearily sagged against the wall. It was only then that I noticed his injury-his arm was dangling at his side uselessly as if it had been slashed of and only recently rejoined.

I went to Alice's side and helped her restrain Carlisle. There was nothing else I could do.

That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Carlisle begged to die, he threatened and he groveled. I had never seen him reduced to that level, and I hated it. I hated that Carlisle wished for death so badly he would beg and refuse to listen to reason-that Esme would have wanted him to live and not die. Soon after Edward and I arrived, Rosalie and Emmett had entered and they took over for Alice, while she and Jasper went outside. There was only so much of seeing Carlisle like that that anyone could take. I had only just been relieved by Caryn, and I gladly allowed her to take over. Even though Jacob offered to take over for Edward, he had refused. He wanted to be with Carlisle.

"Let me go! I want to die, can't you understand that? I have no reason to live, please, just let me die…"

I shuddered as I heard Carlisle's screams. Covering my ears with my hands, I walked further away from the house. It was only when I couldn't hear anything except my own footsteps and the regular sounds of nature did I finally stop. I leaned against a tree and slid down so I was sitting on the ground. I bent my knees and propped my chin on my knees, and hugged my legs. I rocked myself back and forth, willing myself to cry, to sob and rant and rave at the world for the sheer injustice of it all.

Two men had been robbed of their soul mates in one bloody battle. What was the justice in that? They were both good men who deserved nothing more but to live happy lives with those they loved.

Like Chris.

He was worthy of living the life of a king; he was anything a girl could want. He was sweet, caring, kind, understanding...and he didn't deserve what he had gotten-me, who never really loved him in the first place when he had fallen so hard for me, and dying because he wanted to sacrifice himself so I could live.

I didn't want to live with the knowledge that Chris had knowingly and willingly sacrificed himself for me.

Why? What did I do right to deserve that? I wish someone would tell me, because I know that I treated Chris worse than he was ever entitled to.

The least you could do, I thought spitefully to whatever God was listening to me, is allow me to cry. Let tears fall freely from my eyes; let me produce something other than venom. Please.

And as if by a miracle, tears did fall from my eyes. I touched my face with my hand, and I almost laughed when I saw wetness there.

"Bella?" Edward's voice pierced the darkness.

"I'm here." My voice was oddly calm. Edward emerged from where I had come from, and he was studying me warily, as if he was afraid to approach me.

"Bella, what are you doing in the rain?" I looked at him, puzzled, and looked up at the sky to see dark grey storm clouds. So I wan't crying; the world was crying for me.

I gasped, and I felt a pair of arms envelop me. I only realized then that my breathing was rapid and irregular, as if I were sobbing.

"Shh, Bella. Carlisle has finally calmed down, and he is alright. He would survive-like you would. Chris wanted you to be happy, and he gladly gave of himself so you could live happily ever after."

"But I don't deserve it, I don't." I said miserably into his chest.

"But Chris thought you did. So forgive yourself, and live for him and for yourself. Allow yourself to be happy."

I nodded into his chest and noticed with surprise that the rain was letting up. I looked up to see a rosy sunrise, and a beginning of a new day.

A day I was planning to live to the fullest.

Any thoughts? Comments? Criticisms? Like it? Hate it? Love it?

R.e.v.i.e.w.

Please?

;]