Author's note: I went back and renamed the chapters to what they're called in game. This might make it easier for navigation purposes for future readers of the fic.
Chapter 20S
Alan – Get away from that fighter, he has a Halberd! Yes they still hurt you, you dumbass, Paladin or not, you're still on a horse!
Astol – Give Niime your Silence staff so she can stop the Bolting mages. No, offering to dodge them all is not a better solution because you just want to show off. You forget some of us have absolutely horrific resistance and speed.
Barth – Stand all the way over there so the Bolting mages don't see you.
Bartre – We do not wrestle other Warriors as a means to defeat them, even if you are the self-proclaimed "Champ of Lycia". I'm not putting that on your tombstone.
Bors – Stand all the way over there so the Bolting mages don't see you.
Cath – Just hurry up and raid the chests for our treasure. There's no need to compete with Chad to see how many Ballista shots you can dodge. You forget neither of you are as durable or fast as Astol.
Cecilia – I am disappointed in you for you being the one to suffer from a Sleep. I thought Valkyies had somewhat decent resistance!
Chad – Don't paint a red bullseye on Cath's back when she's not looking.
Clarine – Dorothy is not your "ballista sponge". Neither is Rutger, Oujay, Treck, Lance, or your brother. Now go heal Astol because one arrow pierced his shoulder. Yes, now, healing staffs are not just for show!
Dayan – Welcome to the army. Yes, your granddaughter is married, but it was her idea, not Master Roy's. ….Please stop congratulating him and offering him a drink to celebrate. He's become addicted to the female form, and alcohol will only make it worse.
Dieck – You were not Berserked; this army does not lie and use status effects as an excuse to beat others so that you can see who can win in a fistfight. Even if Bartre wants to challenge you again.
Dorothy – You may not go on strike.
Douglas – Well done. You managed to rush the chamber when Roartz was hiding, and you gave him a beatdown so horrific, so efficient, and so powerful that he was begging us to spare his life in exchange for being a sex slave to everyone. ….good job smashing his head into paste. You are truly the "Great General" of Etruria.
Echidna – Roartz was beaten enough, you don't have to…..okay, you and your people did still suffer on the Isles. Just don't take too much time urinating on what's left his corpse, we need to get going soon.
Elen – Sadly we don't have another Purge tome, but at least you got mileage out of it.
Elphin – There, was a soft-spoken mature talk with Fa really so difficult? Be glad too, we've finally killed the people responsible for your father nearly being overthrown.
Fa – Cheer up. You can always be the godmother of Sophia's quarter-dragon children. ….she'll have many….
Fir – Take off the mask, you are not the Grim Reaper and you do not harvest souls. Look to Rutger if you want to scare your foes more organically.
Garrett – Missing on one strike and criting on the next is starting to get cumbersome, even if it's still working. Sometimes you can't afford to miss on the first attack.
Geese – Well, it seems you've finally learned your lesson, but now I am DEFINTELY not trusting you with our finances anymore. Hmm…..
Gonzales – Saying "It's Gonzy Time" as your catchphrase was cute the first few times, but saying it with every sentence makes me want to beat you with a crowbar.
Hugh – Fine, you can keep the money that was in Roartz's pocket so you can finally feel vindicated. I mean, it's covered in blood, guts, and urine, but hey, finders-keepers.
Igrene – Stop lying, morning sickness does not start now and certainly neither do the insane cravings. But if you really want candy-coated mutton with soy sauce, I'll get Dorothy to make you some.
Klein – You can write to your parents about Tate after the war is finished, just to let you know. I say this because the ballista are all aiming at you as you're writing….
Lalum – It was actually sweet to see you hug Douglas after his victory. …..you're still a sexual deviant that seduced Master Roy and has no morals whatsoever, but hey, at least you love your father very much.
Lance – Stop comforting Alan after he almost got killed by the Halberd. It's starting to look like a poor imitation of a romance novel. Please don't rub his face, look into his eyes, and whisper "Alan-kun…." because you're starting to give people nosebleeds.
Lilina – I warned you. Just take a long rest until the soreness in your….orifices fades.
Lot – You and Ward are not to waste time playing dominoes until the rest of the group clears the enemies out. He always gives up and throws them at you when he loses.
Lugh – Stop trying to hit with the Berserk staff. You need a little more power to have successful hits, you're just wasting shots now. And by the way, all thrones cure it. I don't know why.
Marcus – Here. You can be in charge of our finances, because at least you're not new to this ordeal.
Miledy – Yes you may have your wyvern devour the ballista users. Good luck, and have fun.
Niime – You may not turn Fir into a walking skeleton, even if you promise to make her "extra spooky".
Noah – Here you are. Uh no, I am not giving you better equipment, this is what you joined with. You think I'm wasting Silver and Killer equipment on you?
Oujay – Find Saul to treat you. I'm sorry all of those ballista managed to hit, but you really shouldn't let Clarine boss you around.
Percival – Put the ring away, Elphin has cleared up the situation.
Ray – Okay, your smirk is looking 10x as smug and overbearing as it usually is. You are up to something heinous, and I really really do not like that.
Roy – Can you put your clothes back on? Stop sitting there with your sunglasses looking all proud of yourself. My most powerful sage was reduced to a moaning, quivering mess that needs to sleep her ecstasy off. No, don't call Shanna and Sue over now! You still need to seize the throne! Stop saying you need to "seize some ass first"! It's not clever anymore!
Rutger – Even though it's a frightening thought, I must reject your idea to use the Wo Dao and Killing Edge together. Because Ward can only clean up so much blood at a time.
Saul – You do not have "the holiest of crosses" in your pants.
Shanna – Okay, it was very inappropriate to boast to your sisters about your husband's stamina…..as he was spanking your behind. "A time and place for everything" was not an expression you learned, huh?
Shin – Dayan doesn't need to wear the necklace you made for him, composed of various dead wyvern teeth.
Sophia – Stop trying to find a spell that could turn you into an actual dragon. I do not want to see if milord is depraved enough to do that. …..the pun was not intended!
Sue – Please find a private place for liaisons. Yes I can hear your moans, you're only 20 feet away!
Tate – Spanking Klein was not the best way to show off at your sister, as he's confused now, and he's asking me if he should include that in his letter. To his parents. At least his heart is still pure.
Treck – Find Elen to treat you. I'm sorry all of those ballista managed to hit, but you really shouldn't let Clarine boss you around.
Ward – I am not going to call you "The Cleaner".
Wendy – Okay, do you need some therapy yourself? Because stripping completely and leaning down to hug the sore Lady Lilina was not an appropriate way to comfort your lady as she recovers, even if you just wanted to help and make her more comfortable with still being exposed. No you're not gay now like your brother, I still don't know what the deal is over there. You told me you would look into that.
Wolt – You do not spank anyone.
Yuno – How starved were you for sexual intercourse? Zealot is utterly exhausted now, and you really don't have to compete with your younger sister and match movements with your husbands.
Zealot – Better take another shot of cayenne pepper. You're not done yet, buddy.
Zeiss – Next time, you don't tempt fate and dismiss any users that have a Killer Ballista. They can still crit, and they still hurt. Go find a healer immediately before your wyvern dies.
