When Toki woke up, Skwisgaar had already been up and about. The man smeared aloe vera over his sunburn when Toki sat up to nuzzle his neck. "I could stuff an entire cow downs my throat right now."
"You didn'ts eat very much yesterday," Skwisgaar remarked.
"Gonna gets fat."
"Pff, why you worries about dat on de road? Whatever happen here am fixables. I needs to take care of my skin when we gets back, oogh. It ams getting out of hands. I hasn'ts had dis many blackhead since I still lived in Sweden."
The mental image of a gangly, awkward, teenaged Skwisgaar sulking before a mirror delighted Toki to the verge of giggles. "Puts your head in my lap."
Skwisgaar squinted when Toki positioned the lamp to illuminate his face. "What de hell am dis?"
"Just relax, elskling." His answer came soon enough; Toki skimmed Skwisgaar's forehead in search for blemishes. He poked his tongue out in concentration as he squeezed one between his thumbnails. "Ja, I don'ts think I've seen your skin likes this, either."
"T'anks, dat make me feel better."
"It isn'ts the end of the world. Is actually fun to me. Don'ts you ever pick your face?"
"Don'ts usually haves to. I hates how swollen and blotchy it get after, when I do."
"Is nice to see you when you aren'ts all perfectly done up." Toki smiled. "Is pretty rare."
"Not dese day. Can'ts hide not'ing."
"Isn'ts it great?"
"Onlies if I amn't de only one."
"You aren'ts. I's getting flabby already. And watchings you prance around tells me I shoulds probably shaves my ass. I can'ts believe you puts your mouth down there, wowie."
Skwisgaar snorted. "It amn'ts a big deal, when it am someone dat. . .well, you knows."
"Knows what?"
"You knows."
"No, I don'ts."
Rather than elaborate, Skwisgaar's cheeks pulled upward toward bright eyes. He brought Toki down by the back of his neck, foiling his attempt to groom. Lips touched each of Toki's eyelids before moving down over his nose toward his mouth. "I. . ."
"Hm?"
"I amn'ts ready to says it yet, but dis has been a reallies good trip." Skwisgaar kissed him again. "Ams only a matters of time."
"I wants to know when you does that you means it."
"I won't says it untils I do. I wants to be shore, too. Ams important to me."
When Toki continued working on Skwisgaar's face, his grin couldn't be extinguished. Skwisgaar, to contrast, winced and groaned as more sensitive areas gained attention. His eyes watered when Toki worked at one underneath his eyebrow; unable to handle it, he slapped Toki's hand away. "Okay, dat ams enough. I cans take over from here, I t'ink."
"Aw, sorries." Toki kissed his forehead. Like Skwisgaar foretold would happen, blotches marred his face. That on top of dark, untreated hair made him look more like a heroin addict than his usual composed self. "I's almost sad that you goings to straighten yourself out when we goes home. I loves you like this."
"Pff, likes what?"
"Trash." Toki laughed at the expression of utmost dissatisfaction he earned. "I means it as a compliment. Don'ts get me wrong, you's fucking hot when you's all puts together. But is nice to feels for a minute like I's on the same level as you."
"I t'inks we am on de same level."
"That's because you don'ts got to puts up with an arrogant asshole all days, that look down his nose at everyone."
"Hm."
"It'll be different now, howevers you act, because I'll gets it. You ares the way you ares, and I thinks you're perfect."
"Dat make two of us, apparentlies."
Soon as he could peel himself away, Toki headed in for a shower. He heard shuffling by the mirror halfway through, and found Skwisgaar situated on the counter. Picking his own face resulted in similar surliness.
"How's it going?" Toki rubbed his back.
"I hates my skin. Pff, t'anks mom, for de wonderful genes."
Retrieving his brush, Toki took up beside him. Skwisgaar didn't stop until nearly every part of his face earned attention. "I t'inks I overdid it. Everyt'ing hort."
"Once the swelling go down, it wills has been worth it, right?"
Skwisgaar went about cleaning it with the shitty motel soap. "It wills be just as bad tomorrow. You watch."
"I gets pimples once in a while, but I mostlies just leave it all alone. I pops the white ones, don'ts bother with the little black ones."
Now was Skwisgaar's turn to watch the other man. He took a seat on the lowered toilet seat, visible in the mirror as Toki pulled his hair into a high ponytail and shaved his face clean. After not bothering for a couple days, the stubble grew out of hand. Just like that, apparently to Skwisgaar's chagrin, he peeled ten years off his visual age.
Skwisgaar followed him into the main room as he sought out clothes. "Hey, Toki."
"Uh huh?"
"I hads dis thought this mornings, while I hads a smoke." Skwisgaar rubbed his arm. "Cans I ask you a hypotheticals t'ing?"
"Sure."
"Okay, uh. . .what ams your favourite food?"
"Skwis, that's hardlies hypothetics. Is pizza."
"I notice dat you don'ts eat pizza for everys meal, though."
"Can'ts. Isn'ts the greatest thing for you and besides, I likes to eat other things too." As soon as Toki said that, he had a very good idea of what Skwisgaar tried to bring up. Even though he expected it, discomfort sparked to life deep in his chest. They'd only been together for two days. Couldn't Skwisgaar let them enjoy the honeymoon period a while longer? "Why? Whats your point?"
"Well, what I was t'inking ams—you knows, if you t'ink abouts it like dat—"
"Skwis, just spits it out. I alreadies know. You wants to fuck other people."
Toki never really imagined the older man to be someone who could settle with just one sexual partner. It was easy over the years to imagine Toki would handle it with ease, but when it stood before him in a half-hopeful, half-apprehensive man, it stuck in his mouth like a large, dry pill. All the carefreeness he experienced since waking trickled away. Why did Skwisgaar have to bring this up? Why couldn't they just enjoy their newfound relationship? Did he already have his eye on someone? Did he flirt with some random lady in the parking lot? Forget angry, Toki suddenly felt sick.
"Coulds we stick to de hypotheticals?" Skwisgaar suggested. "Mights make it easier to talks about."
"No it won'ts, because foods don't got feelings if you pick something over it."
"You can'ts t'ink about it like I ams picking someone over you, though. Don'ts it mean anyt'ing when you ams my boyfriend and dey ams just fucks?"
"I don'ts know if I can handles that. Skwis, you beens my boyfriend for two days. Ares you already worried about cheatings?"
"Dis am probablies somet'ing I shoulds has put out dere before we gots involved."
"I thoughts we did. You saids you never cheateds on your girlfriend in Sweden. Was that a lie, then?"
"We weres cool, about gettings it somewhere else. So it wasn'ts technically cheatings. She knews about all of dem, and I knew abouts all of hers."
Toki couldn't believe they discussed this. Even if Skwisgaar didn't twist the truth about his previous relationship, Toki still felt lied to. He totally expected, coming into this, that they would remain sexually exclusive. They had so far, on their trip. Actually, that wasn't true, when taking Chicago and Skwisgaar's other various flirts into consideration. And their time on the road was such a small slice of their lives, no matter how transformational. Toki felt mostly stupid for dreaming Skwisgaar could ever be totally his.
"I apolgesac dat I didn'ts bring it up beforehand. I didn'ts t'ink it would matter dis much. You didn'ts have a problem wit' me fucking other people in Chicago."
"We weren'ts together then. I didn'ts even think we would fuck." Toki sunk onto the bed. "I can'ts think about this. Is too much, and—well, nots a total surprise, but I thoughts when you said you wanteds to be with me, you meants you wanteds to be with me."
"It amn'ts like dat at all, Toki. T'inks of it maybes not like favourite food, but when you haves a kid and you wants a second one. It amn'ts dat you deprive de forst one to makes room for a second, it just. . .grow, and den you takes from dat to gives to de second one." Skwisgaar bounced off the bathroom door frame to join Toki where he sat. "Cans you honestly say dat you wouldn'ts want to fuck other people, sometime? T'inks about it: if we lockeds ourselves into a monogsmous relatesingip, you wouldn'ts ever gets a lady again. When we goes on tour, we amn'ts going to be able to does anyt'ing like de other guys. Does you really wants to be de couple dat always stays in because we can onlies bone each other?"
"I can'ts make a decision likes that right on the spot."
"Just humours me dis conversation, ja? It ams importants dat you understand I don't see ot'er people like I see you. To me, a boyfriend ams an emotional t'ing. You have somet'ing of me dat no one else ams going to. Don'ts dat mean anyt'ing?"
"But sex should be just as specials."
"It cans be. Dere am differents kind of sex, mores dan just fucking. . .you knows, how we sometimes do."
Toki couldn't make his brain work. "I don'ts get why you brings this up so soon. Or why you haven'ts already. I can'ts believe we've onlies been dating for two days and you alreadies talking about fucking other people. This shoulds has come out before."
"It amn'ts like I'm asking pormission to goes out tonight and hooks up. Dat amn'ts on my radar right now. Because dis am new and we got so much uncharteds ground, I onlies got my eye on you. But dere am going to be a day when I can'ts ignore anymore dat dere am good lookings people I wants to put you-know-what intoside of. Same goes for you. Ams human natskure. We mights as well prepare for dat, and ams way better if we both t'ink it am acceptables."
"Can we stops talking about this?"
However Toki looked at it, Skwisgaar either diminished their relationship in value or put an expiration date on it. The resulting bout of depression killed his previous attachment to the older man. He volunteered to grab food, silently unable to quell jealous thoughts of Skwisgaar scoping someone out on the way. Even though they'd driven four thousand miles to get here, Toki couldn't fathom leaving the hotel room, otherwise. Anything could happen, in Vegas. Did Skwisgaar only say he didn't want to fuck someone here, just to spare his feelings?
Toki had himself to blame, for feeling betrayed. He should have known this would happen. How could he be so naive? Did love blind him that strongly?
Later in the day, as tension thickened and the need for recuperation from the drive waned, Skwisgaar set his book aside. "Cans we do somet'ing?"
"Likes what?"
"Let's go out. Go sees de Strip."
"I don'ts think I have the energy for that." Toki flipped through channels, trying to find news that might cover the discovery of Ludwig's body. Nothing, so far. "Maybes tomorrow."
"Whats about somewhere closer? Dere ams a couple bar down de street."
"You goes ahead."
"But I wants to do somet'ing wit' you."
Toki narrowed an eye at Skwisgaar, certain that the man only sucked up to right his earlier blunder. Whether he feigned earnestness or was genuine, Toki could definitely use a drink. Seated at a scungy bar, he nailed back a shot as Skwisgaar ordered a light beer.
"Hey," Skwisgaar got his attention. "Ams you going to gets crazy drunk?"
"Woulds you take care of me, if I dids?"
"Ja, but. . .dat amn'ts what I hads in mind, for tonight."
"Then what dids you want to do?" Toki looked further down the bar, at a couple rough looking men laden with facial scars. "Go hits on them? Ask them to comes back to our room?"
"Don'ts put word in my mouth." Skwisgaar lowered his voice. "You wants to puts me down for dat, den let's just forget sittings in a bar. I won'ts be unsbarrassed, if you goings to make a scene."
Toki, on the other hand, grew progressively louder. "A scene? Likes what, like tellings everyone that you's opens for business—?"
A stinging cheek cut him short. Rubbing absently where Skwisgaar's open palm connected, and well aware that the bartender and half the room watched with interest, Toki frowned. Regret seeped in at sight of momentary injury before the muscles of Skwisgaar's face slipped back toward a familiar mask.
He slid off his stool. "Fucks you. I'll be backs at de motel. If you can'ts be anyt'ing but an asshole, den I don'ts want not'ing to does wit' you."
"Whatsever." Toki rolled his eyes before gesturing the bartender closer in order to get a second shot. With what Skwisgaar planned to put him through once his interest wandered, Toki had the right to feel this way. However he responded to Skwisgaar's request for an open relationship, he would wind up broken-hearted and Skwisgaar would get what he wanted. Again. Always. Because it could never be any other way.
Too many shots later, a new regret found him stumbling back toward the motel. He remembered the name, but where the hell did it go?
"Did you need some help?"
Through the spinning streets, Toki saw the guys that had occupied the other end of the bar. Not really in position to turn them down, unless he wanted to spend the night on the sidewalk, he gestured in a generally eastern direction. "I'ms tryings to gets to. . .Battlelore. That's whats it called."
"Back you come, hombre." They took Toki's arms around their shoulders. "You're heading the wrong way."
"Oh. I maybes thought so."
"Rough night?"
"Could says that."
Walking on the verge of passing out silenced Toki. His helpers stopped to let him throw up when necessary, then knocking brought Toki more out of it. When he lifted his head, he found Skwisgaar half-dressed and looking exhausted. "Hey, Skwis."
"Helped your buddy out. Where do you want us to put him?"
"I cans take it from here." Skwisgaar held up a hand when the two men tried to come inside the room. Eyeing them suspiciously, he took Toki off their arms. "T'anks you. I gives you money, for going through de trouble of lugging dis dildo so far—"
"Oh, no. No, we couldn't. . ."
Toki came to again, face-to-face with the bottom of a toilet. The water remained undisturbed for only a split-second before his diaphragm seized. A tsk alerted him of a second presence. "You ams lucky I loves you, to puts up wit' dis shit. I shoulds has made you sleeps in de car."
Uncaring hands dabbed Toki's face clean, undressed him, and helped him climb into bed. Toki naturally gravitated toward the other body, but wound up being shoved back. "Don'ts fucking touch me."
"Aw, Skwis."
"I said don'ts touch me. Goes to sleep, tries not to die, den I yells at you in de morning. Sound good?"
"Goooollies, I loves you. Can'ts we cuddle?"
"Fucks off."
"Ins the morning, then. Night night."
"Fucks you."
