Chapter Twenty-Nine

Two words.

One date.

An unused name.

She didn't mind the chill that met her finger tips as she brushed fresh snow from her son's grave. "My sweet baby boy." The bitter thought of an engraved stone being the official remembrance of her son kept her from this place. In fact, she hadn't visited since his funeral. Others clearly had though; a blue bear sat perched next to some white roses and a grave lantern which was surprisingly lit. "I miss you." She lifted the bear as she sat in the snow. Her admittance drifting away as easily as the snowflakes.

"I just want to hold you." She squeezed the bear as her last word broke and tears fell. "Just once more." The teddy was easily cradled in her arms as she unintentionally began to rock. "This cannot be though," She wiped away a few tears as she mourned the thought. "So instead you shall be my confidant." She already spoke to him daily, (not that anyone knew) but saying it aloud seemed to make it official somehow.

For a while she just listened to the murmurs of the wind, clearing her mind as she focused on the numbness creeping up her body from the winters bitter chill. "You know," She adjusted the olive-green hat on her head as she tried to wiggle some feeling into her nose. "You have a sibling now." Her voice lowered to a whisper, "But I am scared to meet him." The fear had been unexpected, and it only continued to grow. "I want to be happy for your father, I wish him well, but I am not sure this is something I'm ready for." The day had really been life changing. "It's so close to a year… I…" A text notification interrupted her thoughts. She ignored it. "I just miss you."

The bear was carefully returned as she took a deep breath and stood.

It was time to face her fears.

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Voicemail again.

Tim took a deep breath in an attempt not to get irritated as he hung up the phone. Ziva wasn't answering his calls or messages and he was worried. Clearly, she needed her own space and he was more than willing to give it to her. All he wanted in return was an acknowledgment, he needed to be certain that she was all right.

Still, he had work to do so with another deep breath he opened a new file. The words wouldn't seem to focus though, his focus still on Ziva. Was she at home? Was she still somewhere in the office? Had she gone to visit Tony?

His cellphone vibrating across his desk had him reaching out so fast that he knocked his file to the floor. It was a text message. He didn't open it though, instead he stared at the notification that read, "DiNozzo." He knew what this was, he just knew, but honestly, he didn't want to see.

"McGee!" And with barely a warning Abby appeared. "Did you see? Did you see?"

She was clearly ecstatic, but he couldn't seem to muster up the same feeling. Instead he lied, "I did" as he leaned down to retrieve his file.

"Well are you coming?!" She was wide-eyed and nearly bursting with excitement so he did his best not to rain on her parade as he said, "I'd like to but I'm nowhere near finished and Gibbs will kill me if I take off before this gets done."

"That's a bummer." Abby's pout had Tim bidding, "Go on and let everyone know I send my best wishes."

"Will do" Abby promised as she all but rushed off, she was excited, as she should be. As he should be, but he wasn't. He was worried.

Ziva would've received the same message as the rest of them and that scared him. He didn't know what her mind set was. He didn't know if the emotional state she was in could handle this announcement. Too many times had he been witness to a breakdown, on too many nights did he find her in an absolute heap, and there were too many days that she would just shut down altogether and lock herself into the fortress of her own mind. He feared she had done this now and for some reason it made him angry at Tony.

They had made the day theirs and had planned to make the most of it. They had been perfectly fine with the idea of a shared dinner at the office. The plan was to finish work and finally decide how to share their announcement. Instead Tony shared his and just like that their day was done.

He knew it wasn't really Tony's fault, it wasn't something that could be controlled, but still Tim couldn't help how he felt. With a sigh, he grabbed his phone and opened the message. It said simply, "Baby DiNozzo has arrived" but something about seeing the word 'baby' got him into gear. He couldn't be mad at a baby, there honestly was no reason to be, so why should he be mad at Tony just because said baby happened to be born today?

Without pause he grabbed his coat and credentials. He was going to pull a Tony and find some probies to handle the rest of his work and then he was going to go and find Ziva.

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"Can you believe we made something this beautiful?" Charlotte smiled over to Tony as she rubbed her finger over her son's face.

"He looks like his mother." Tony spoke softly as he watched his son twitch at the slight touch.

His son.

It rang loudly in his ears.

"Really?" Charlotte glanced back down at the baby in her arms. "I think he looks like you."

His son.

The emotions were overwhelming. There was happiness and excitement, relief and pride, but there was also grief…. and guilt.

His son.

"Tony?"

He wanted to scream.

"Tony are you okay?"

And cry.

"ANTHONY!"

"Yeah babe," Charlotte looked worried and that just brought him more guilt. "I'm fine, I was just thinking."

"About Isiah." She didn't have to question it, she could see it in his eyes.

He smiled as he moved to place a kiss to her forehead. "You did a great job today." He didn't yet have the words for that conversation and he didn't feel that it was fair to her so for now he'd avoid it.

"I had a good coach." She knew he was dodging her statement but for now she'd let it slide. Instead she offered him a kiss before asking, "Do you want to hold him?"

"I…" He'd yet to do so. "I'm…."

"It's okay to be nervous." Charlotte assured as she pulled his sleeve in an attempt to get him to sit next to her.

"I'm not nervous it's just…" But even as he said it he was wiping sweaty palms on his slacks. "It's been a while."

"You'll be fine." Charlotte assured once more as Tony moved from the chair to sit next to her and she carefully passed their son.

"You did good." Tony offered as he adjusted the swaddled pink and blue striped blanket under the baby's chin.

"We did" Charlotte corrected as she stifled a yawn.

"You should get some sleep." Tony suggested as he moved back to the chair with the baby.

"The nurse will be coming back soon." Charlotte dismissed. There was no point in trying to sleep when you knew you'd just be re-awoken soon.

"Still," He knew she was exhausted. "Try to rest for a while." They'd have visitors soon and he didn't want her to be overwhelmed.

"I will" she readjusted in the bed so that she was lying down more but still facing Tony. "It's just hard to take my eyes off of him."

"He is something to see." Tony agreed as he glanced down to the sleeping newborn securely tucked in his arms.

The little boy had been in his view since birth and he was honestly nervous to change that.

All it took was the blink of an eye.

If he looked away…

He just couldn't look away.

If he did he'd return to memory instead of the moment.

He held his son just a little more snugly as he kissed the boy's small hand before offering Charlotte another smile. Hopefully she couldn't tell that he was slowly crumbling behind it.

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"Ziva!" Tim called as he opened the front door to their house.

His loyal German Shephard was quick to his feet but there were no other signs of life in the house.

"Babe you home?" McGee moved through the kitchen to let Jethro outside, flipping lights on along the way. "Ziva?"

He didn't expect to find her outside, but still he looked while Jethro went about his business.

He had checked the rest of NCIS and had even gotten confirmation from security that she had left. He'd driven by her favorite running trails numerous times but hadn't spotted her. He had also checked the gym at his apartment and had even visited the cemetery though he knew that wasn't a place she was likely to go. He just couldn't seem to find her.

"Ziva, you in here?" He pushed the bedroom door completely open but it, like the rest of the house, was empty.

It was getting late and worried was no longer an accurate description of the fear he felt.

With a frustrated huff, he moved around some boxes he had brought over a few days ago and grabbed some jeans from the closet. A floor-board squeaking in the hallway grabbed his attention immediately but it was just Jethro joining him so he moved his attention over to the dresser. A thermal was quickly grabbed and soon he began to change.

Once more his mind was racing as he thought about where Ziva might be.

He hadn't checked the hospital, but he doubted that's where she'd be. He also didn't want to get held up by the others if she really wasn't there. Perhaps she was with a friend. She hadn't kept in touch with too many people after Isiah's birth but maybe she was with someone from her support group.

He was tempted to track her or put out an APB, but he had no real reason to think she was in immediate danger so it wasn't justified. Plus, she'd be smart enough to take appropriate precautions if she really didn't want to be found. He also knew it would be a violation of not only her privacy but the trust they were building within their relationship and that risk wasn't worth it.

With fresh clothes and a mind made he decided he'd go to Gibbs. He needed fresh ideas… and who knew, maybe Ziva would be there.

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"More coffee dear?" A tired smile and a warm pot of coffee brought Ziva from her thoughts.

"No, thank you" Ziva answered as she requested, "The check would be nice though."

"You've got it" and with that the waitress was off.

Ziva watched her go before returning her gaze out the window. She could see the hospital from there and she'd been staring at it for the better half of the night.

She had fully intended to visit Tony and Charlotte. She'd set herself to meet their son, yet she found herself in this café instead.

The idea had been to warm up from her stint in the snow but four mugs of coffee and a sandwich later and she was still there.

Suddenly it didn't seem right for her to interrupt the new family.

She wasn't sure how she'd react and she didn't want to burden them. This was a moment they deserved to have fond memories of and she didn't want to chance it. So instead she sat and sorted through her emotions, trying to truly make sure she had herself together before attempting anything.

"There you go sweetie." Her check was placed on the table and she dismissed the woman with a smile.

It was time to go.

She grabbed her wallet to pay which had her taking note of her phone. It read 10:47 p.m.

She did a double take.

She knew it was getting late, but she hadn't realized that she had lost track of time. Tim would be worried.

That thought brought another: she hadn't contacted him since she'd left the office.

He was probably pissed, and she didn't blame him. If she was him she'd be pissed too. But she hadn't meant to ignore him, she'd just needed a moment alone.

She felt bad. He was probably still working since he had been left to pull both her and Tony's weight.

Maybe she should bring him coffee? It somehow seemed like an insensitive thing to do though. Plus, what if he was no longer at NCIS?

She paused on the idea as she thought of what it was exactly that she wanted to do. Calling him was the most obvious but it didn't feel right. She wanted to apologize, but she didn't want that to happen over a staticky cell phone line.

Instead she opened her messenger and thought a moment before typing, "I'll be home soon-Love You."

With that she paid the bill and was on her way.

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Gibbs' house was dark as he entered and for a moment he reconsidered being there, but a familiar glow from the kitchen drew him to the basement door.

He walked down the stairs silently and as expected found Gibbs sanding, but it was with an eyebrow raised. Clearly, Gibbs was asking what he was doing there.

He didn't answer though, instead he sat on the stool by the tool bench and fiddled with some wood shavings.

"It's late McGee" Gibbs could tell that McGee was trying to get his thoughts together and it had him wondering exactly what it was that he had to say.

"I know" Tim began as he decided to go for broke. "And that's why I'm worried."

"About?" He had an idea, but he wanted to hear it firsthand.

"Have you been to the hospital yet?" Tim deflected as he tried to get an answer from Gibbs inadvertently.

"Didn't have the time" Gibbs answered as he put down his sand paper and turned to Tim. "What's on your mind?"

"Ziva" There was no use denying it.

"She's a big girl McGee."

That statement annoyed Tim but he didn't let it show as he asked, "Have you seen her?"

"Not since this afternoon." Gibbs denied as he read the obvious.

"Neither have I." Tim repressed a sigh as he lifted a chisel.

"Give her time." Gibbs spoke as he lifted his coffee mug.

"It's been hours." This wasn't what he wanted to hear.

Gibbs set his mug back down as he braced himself to ask a question that had been months coming. "What exactly is going on between the two of you Tim?" He knew it was more than they were admitting to.

"We're…" What to say? "I'm…" He didn't want to lie, he wasn't ashamed of their relationship, but would Ziva appreciate him announcing it without her?

"Come out with it already McGee!"

Tim set the chisel down as he looked Gibbs straight in the eye and spoke honestly, "She's my wife."

"Your wife?" His tone clearly said that Tim better be quick to elaborate.

"Yes, we…" but his phone interrupted his words and he was quick to open it. The text read, "I'll be home soon-Love You" and it had him to his feet instantly. "I've got to go." He offered to Gibbs as he moved to the stairs.

"McGee!" But Tim ran up the stairs, shouting behind him, "I'll explain tomorrow!"

Gibbs turned back to his tool bench to grab his bottle of bourbon. He poured it freely into his mug as he breathed, "His wife."

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The room was silent except for the occasional snore from Charlotte. She had fallen asleep a few hours ago and he had been sitting in the dark ever since. It wasn't completely dark though, there was a slight glow coming under the door from the hallway which made up for the lack of windows in the room.

It was just enough light to watch the shadow of a rocking chair move in slow motion on the wall.

Steadily he moved his foot, his pace not faltering as he held his little boy close. It had been a long day. Charlotte's parents and a few friends as well as Abby and Ducky had visited, and he was honestly exhausted.

He couldn't sleep though.

Every time he closed his eyes it was Ziva he saw in this room. As if it was yesterday, he remembered her pleading for their son's life, he heard her screaming that they were all murderers, and he saw her break to pieces as he felt himself do the same. They weren't memories he wanted to relive.

Still, he couldn't forget. Every sound and every smell reminded him of Isiah's birth in some way. From the first moment he saw him until the last… he had been reliving it all day. Even now just sitting here, he remembered staying up all night with Isiah as he took advantage of the short time they had together. He remembered promising to always love the little boy and swearing that he'd never forget about him, which he never would, but he hadn't figured this. He hadn't thought about ever being a parent again.

Isiah was his son, that title specifically belonged to Isiah, only now it needed to be shared. He had two sons, but he didn't know how to split himself between them. If he wanted a healthy thriving family with Charlotte, he knew he needed to get himself together and focus on the present but if he wanted to continue being mentally stable he knew he needed to deal with these emotions and keep Isiah a positive part of his daily life.

Either way, he was scared to death that somehow he would end up failing them both.

With a soft sigh he glanced down to the little boy that was sound asleep. He could barely make out his features, but the steady breathes he felt against his own chest were enough. He dragged his finger lightly over a head full of hair and couldn't help but smile when his son moved into the touch. It had him whispering, "I used to do that to your brother too" as he blinked watery eyes and fell back to memories of a short-lived night.