A/N: Here is chapter 25 (Part 2) | - Remember I speak Spanish, so I'm sorry for the errors this might have. Hope you have a Very Merry Christmas, and… don't kill me, please! XD As always, please review, I love to know what you think of it!!!
Chapter 25 (Part 2) |
Angela's street was already crowded with cars as I pulled over almost in the start of her block. The soft breeze of summer filled my nose when I got out of the car, the present in my right hand. There were bright stars on the dark sky already beaming with force, even if the night had merely started.
I took a deep breath to steady myself, and peeped one more time at my outfit. I was wearing white and black tonight; there was something nice in these two colors together… something pure that I loved.
I delayed the walk as much as possible as I approached the house; I was feeling this weirdness in myself again. My eyes followed the road of cars parked one in front of the other. One shiny silver Volvo perfectly parked took my attention. And unconsciously, my hands met my chest, prohibiting the pain to overcome me again.
I could see Jasper's car too, parked next to Mike's one, Ben's one and Lauren's one. Too crowded, I thought and let out a heavy sigh. Angela's creamy little house went nice with the flowers that decorated the entrance. In the door, there were some balloons pasted to the wood. I smiled once; Angela was this person that even though she was very mature, she still had her childish side. And I hoped she'd never get rid of it.
I knocked once until she was already in the door, greeting me with an excited smile.
"Happy birthday, Ang!" I cheered and gave her a hug. "This is for you."
Angela took the present with tranquil hands. "You really shouldn't have to,"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Are you infected with the same virus I am? Just open it!"
Her hands shredded slowly the light blue paper. And then she gasped in awe. "How did you know?" She was almost breathless. Her eyes posed in every little word of my short letter.
'You can write your amazing stories inside here. Remember me when you become famous. With love, Bella.'
"Ang, your eyes are like open windows. At least for me." I shrugged and smiled at her bewildered eyes as she scanned the leather notebook.
"Thank you, really." She smiled at me, her smile showing how truthful her words were. She then closed the door behind us.
"It's nothing," I shrugged again. And then my eyes sparkled with excitement. "What did Ben give you?"
Her own shined with love. "I can only tell you half of it," she laughed timidly. "He gave me this bracelet; our initials are engraved in the inside." With delicate hands she took the bracelet off her wrist, she gave it to me as if it was pure gold from Heaven.
The inside of the silver bracelet showed their initials as she had told me. I wanted to smile, but that same pain overcame my chest again. This time much stronger.
"Bella, are you okay?" Angela's eyes were worried on my face, I was sure I was wincing. But I couldn't contain myself, I just wanted to scream.
I nodded some times, unable to speak. My shaky right hand reached hers as I put the little silver thing on it. My left one was clenched to my chest, pulling it together.
"Are you sure, Bella?" She said impatiently. "You seem to be about to cry."
Did I? "N-no," I tried to breath. "I'm fine, really. I'm just— nervous, I guess."
I dropped my gaze to the floor, I was sure she would read that was not what was really happening inside me if she read my expression. She was too perceptive.
"Maybe, Dartmouth…?"
I gulped heavily. "Maybe." Though I knew it wasn't entirely Dartmouth.
"Okay," her voice showed a calm I knew she really didn't feel. "If you need to talk about anything, you know you can talk to me."
"Thanks, Ang. I know." I smiled at her.
"So come on, everyone is already here!" With that she took my hand and started walking to where the loud voices seemed to be coming from. The creamy walls of her house were decorated with balloons as the entrance door; some flowers were resting in the corner of a long table.
For some reason I didn't quite understand, my heart started beating faster as we were approaching the living room. My hands sweating a bit too.
My school friends were scattered in the tiny living room. Some were sitting on the coach, others taking a soda and chips from the woody table. My eyes scanned the place impatiently, waiting to find what they were looking for.
They suddenly found a pair of eyes that were smiling back, but they weren't the ones mine were searching. Jasper walked to my spot, the corners of his lips arched in a timid smile.
"Hey, how's everything?" He said in a low voice. He approximated his face to me, the movement hesitant. I stayed completely still, feeling too weird to move. Jasper's lips were reaching mine…
When a familiar voice interrupted him, making him jump. "Hey, silly girl. Glad you are here, missed you." He put his strong arms around my waist, separating me from Jasper. I sighed in relief and placed myself in his warm hug. Though that strange and amazing feeling shook my stomach, making me almost giggle in response and blush bright red.
Jasper didn't seem as happy though. He was growling behind us as if he was a lion, and someone had suddenly taken his prey from his arms.
Edward's breathing was close to my ear, his arms like a strong grip around my body. Though Jasper's growling was growing stronger and there were loud voices sounding in the place, it suddenly became too quiet. And then, the only things I could hear were the faster rhythm of my heart beats… and his.
Just there I understood what was happening. As if a wire had suddenly plugged again to my brain, a wire that would connect my conscious, civilized, rational part with the unconscious, instinctive one, one that was seconds ago disconnected. One that was making my nose go find the smell I loved the most, and making my arms grow stronger around his shoulders, pulling me closer to him. With that realization, I jumped off his arms. Landing, instead of with my feet on the floor - with my butt on the floor.
"Ouch," I complained, my head still spinning around. Just then two hands reached out to help me at the same time. I looked up at the owners of them, my eyes wary and timid. Because I knew who they were before even looking.
Jasper and Edward eyed at each other as they realized they were both doing the same thing, their bodies rigid, their stares harsh.
"Let me help you," Jasper muttered as he bended down to reach my hand. It found mine, but the action seemed to be difficult. As if he was doing more strength than necessary for a hand to reach another one. As if mine was reluctant for some reason.
Edward's arms were now crossed over his chest, as Jasper was helping me. His expression was as cold as ice. But there was this slightest hint of pain in the depths of his green emerald eyes, one that was trying to suppress showing an unemotional face.
When I was in my feet again, a fire irradiating from my cheeks now, the three of us stared intently at each other. The air between us was so thick, that it could have been easily cut with a knife. It was as if our eyes could speak and they were shooting thousand words per second, crashing one with the other in the middle of the air.
A little hand in my forearm made me come back to reality, my legs still a bit shaky with this weird situation.
"Hey, Bella, you are already here!" Alice cheered to me, her smile warm as always. And it left me wondering, maybe this tense thing that just happened was only tense for us three – maybe it was only tense for me.
I tried to smile at her, even if it came up as a grim. "Hey, Alice. You look really nice." Her childish, naïve face went perfectly well with a lavender dress. And something cracked in my chest as I thought how much I would miss her when I'd go to Dartmouth. Just, too much.
"Thanks, Bella. It's an Antonio." She grinned smugly. A what? "You look nice too. Of course, it was my idea you wearing that dress. But I have to give it some credit anyway, right?" She smiled, proud of herself. Ugh, of course she'd called me before and told me what to wear.
"Yeah—," two voices added at the same time and then stayed quiet. Alice and I both turned to the sound. Just to find Edward and Jasper staring at each other as if they were in a duel.
I squeezed Alice's hand with impatience. She nodded to me and came to the rescue. "Edward, could you help me with something?" She smiled angelically at her brother. Oh, she was mean – she knew he could never refuse that.
Edward stared back at her for a long second, his expression showing an annoyance I'd never seen when it came to Alice. But then, as I had thought it would be, he relaxed his stiff shoulders and sighed. "What do you need?"
"Umm, I need a soda."
"But you have one on your hand," Edward widened his eyes, pointing to the Coke in Alice's tiny hands.
Alice sighed. "But this one is already warm, and you know I love cold sodas. In the table all of them are warm. You know I can't go myself to the kitchen; I'm not that friend of Angela. Please, Edward?" She pouted at him.
He stared at her for another long second and then rolled his unique eyes. "Let's go. You sometimes can be a little annoying thing, you know that?" He sighed and walked beside her to the kitchen.
Jasper was about to talk then, his expression like the one of victory - when Mike Newton's voice cut him off.
"Hi, Bella, it's been so long!" Mike said with too much enthusiasm. "I heard you are going to Dartmouth, congrats."
I tried to smile, but again that pain shook my chest. I sighed deeply and did my best to remain even. "Thanks Mike. I really am, huh?"
He nodded anxiously. "We are gonna miss you around here, you know?" With that he shrugged and went to greet Tyler that was coming inside the living room. "Hey, Tyler boy!"
I stayed quiet for some seconds. Just remembering how Edward would always tell me that he thought Mike had a big crush on me, even if he had never said anything that would prove Edward right. His way of forming his last reply left me wondering for the tiniest of moments, though. But I shook it away shaking my head and snorting. That was crazy. And impossible.
"What's so funny?" Jasper said at my side, trying to read my expression.
"Nothing, nothing," I sighed. "Just remembering…"
"Edward?" He scowled, his tone acid as lemon.
I stared at him mimicking his expression. But nevertheless, I turned crimson red. Busted. "Psst, no at all. Why would I?"
"It's just something that you do a lot. Talk about him, at least." He sighed deeply. "What were you laughing at, so?"
I shrugged. "I was just thinking of Dartmouth," I started walking with him to some chairs next to the sofa. Lauren greeted me with that same fake smile that only hinted how much she really thought I was a looser, and kept on talking with Rosalie at her side. Rosalie gave me a warm smile when I passed beside her, her beauty shining with a camel dress.
"What about it?" Jasper asked when we were already sitting. His arms crossed over his chest as he tried to scrutinize my painful expression.
I sighed deeply. "Just that I'm going in a week,"
His eyes widened clearly unexpected. "A week?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Really."
He stayed quiet then, looking at the front with a frown engraved in his skin. I didn't want to think about this feeling in every portion of my body that was telling I didn't want to be here right now. Well, at least that I didn't want to be with him right now.
What was happening to me? Why couldn't I enjoy this last week with Jasper? What was the reason why even though I was thinking in going away in a week, now, next to him, I wouldn't feel as if my chest was cracking? Why did I feel so disconnected now when I was with him? As if I belonged to another place – to another one.
I flinched some times to dissipate the feeling – though deep down I knew it was something I couldn't dissipate at all. Not now, not ever.
Instead of continue looking to my inside, I decided to look to the outside. Memorizing just a bit of everyone around me, a bit of all these people that had been part of my life for more than ten years now.
Mike and Tyler always so childish… Mike was putting some food inside his nose and Tyler was laughing the hell out of him. With now a smile playing with my lips, I continued with my memorizing party… Emmett was trying to show himself off in front of Rosalie, the sleeves of his shirt were up so now his biceps were shining. He was showing how strong he was lifting up the table without reason and placing it just inches from where it was before. His face decorated with a virile smile.
Lauren always so insecure… She always needed to show something she was not, thinking that that would make people like her. How wrong she was. I knew she wasn't a bad person deep inside, but she needed to understand that treating people the way she did, would only make her lonelier than she already was. Rosalie… her beauty so beyond perfection, it was nice to know that she really was a normal girl.
My eyes turned to my side, there was Jasper… Still with his arms over his chest and his stare in a distant point in the front. I stared at his face for some seconds, trying to remember every conversation we had. Jasper was surely one of those persons that had put me upside down. He was so different than I had imagined at first. His complex relationship with his mother, the pressure he felt for his father's job… I hoped he could find someone that would treat him as he deserved. But that person wasn't me, and with every second passing by, I was surer of that.
I took my eyes to the front, and there they were Angela and Ben… The love they irradiated could be felt from every corner of the woody living room. And I suddenly felt this jealousy overcoming my system, but it wasn't because they felt love and I didn't. It was because their love was something granted for everyone; whenever you said Angela you just had to follow it with Ben.
Just one name came to my mind instantly. One name that I would always love it to be followed by mine. Again that unbearable pain ate me from inside, my hands already clenched to my chest.
As if I were suddenly a drug addict and was in need of a drug to survive, I stood up from my seat. "I'll go look for a soda,"
Jasper's eyes looked up to mine in a rush. His dead body was suddenly too alive. "There are some in the table."
"I want a cold one," I replied robotically. I didn't know what expression crossed through my face, but he flinched. A pain suddenly taking place in every inch of his face.
"You don't want me to go with you," But it wasn't a question. It was an affirmation.
"I know Angela's house." I said coldly. He nodded some times, the pain still evident in his gracious features.
He sighed deeply then. "I'll be there with Mike and Tyler."
Without looking back once, I walked to the kitchen. Emmett gave me a bright smile when I passed beside him; his eyes still too focus in Rosalie. But I couldn't smile back; I was still too in need of this drug. As if my body and soul were craving for something in particular, something I could only find in this kitchen.
"Alice, you've told me the story three times already. Can we go to the living room, now?" I could see my best friend's face decorated with impatience as I walked into the kitchen. His sister was with her arms crossed over her chest looking up at him with a determined look.
"No, Edward. I still have to tell this one more time, there is something I didn't tell you well enough." Alice was surely with her part of the plan, distracting him.
Edward sighed, and then as if something had told him he had to turn, his deep emerald green eyes found me. His body suddenly relaxing with a deep breath.
And I smiled. I smiled and ear to ear smile. Too happy to hide it. I walked to him, my legs almost going alone to the spot. Edward's lips were arching up as I approached him.
"Hey," he said, almost in a whisper. "Glad no one kidnapped you out there." He finished with that smile that would shook my system in impossible ways.
I tried to breath, though it had suddenly become too difficult. "Y-yeah, glad the same." Groaningly, Edward looked down to Alice; her eyes were shining like stars. A low giggle coming off her lips was almost audible from my place.
"Didn't you have to go to the bathroom, Alice?" Edward said each word distinct, his eyes intently on hers.
Alice looked lost for some seconds, and then she grinned. "Oh, yeah, yeah! Thanks for remembering it to me, I'd almost forgotten!" She sang and went out of the kitchen, leaving the two of us alone in that tiny place.
Edward stared at her back longer than necessary, his look showing disbelief. Huh, how curious he didn't fight for taking her to the bathroom's door.
"So...," Edward lifted me up without effort and placed me in the kitchen counter. Just that same feeling in the pit of my stomach showed when his hands found my waist. He stayed standing in front of me, his hands resting at each side of me in the marble kitchen counter. "How's your boyfriend?"
I flinched. "My what?"
He stared at my eyes intently. "Your boyfriend, Bella. Jasper."
I snorted. "He's not my boyfriend."
"He's not?" There was this slightest smile that his full lips showed before he suppressed it, dropping his face to the floor.
Why did I feel this conversation was much bigger than it really looked like? Much important and private? "No, he is not." And I wanted to leave that clear.
"And what is he, then?" His eyes were on mine again, the intensity too strong.
"I don't know, nothing I can identify, really." I thought for some seconds. "What is Jessicas—a of you?"
He smiled at my almost nickname for her. And then became too serious. "I don't know either… Maybe I could consider her my girlfriend before. I don't know it that well, now."
"Why?" I scowled, but there was this invisible force that was pulling the corners of my lips in a smile.
Edward sighed deeply and stared at the space. "I just— it's different now, you know…?"
Hell I knew! My heart was beating really fast and I had only my best friend in front of my eyes, of course I knew things were different. At least for me.
"Different?" I asked anyway. I really needed to know.
He sighed deeply. "Different…," he trailed off and placed his forehead in the hollow between my shoulder and my neck. My stomach was already flying, my legs already shaking. He stayed quiet, breathing deeply. "Jeez," he mumbled moments later trough the bare skin of my neck. "How much I'm gonna miss you… too much."
I felt that pain building inside me again, crashing my chest with every word his spoke. Maybe it was not my chest, though, because the pain was more localized – maybe it was my heart.
I breathed deeply, trying to relax my suddenly too tense body. Even though my voice would come up distorted, I spoke. "Y-you can with me." It sounded more like a pleading than a suggestion.
He stayed quiet, again. His shoulders stiffing reflexively. His breathing too next to my skin, it was making it difficult to think straight. "I can't, Bella. You know I can't," his voice was a weak whisper, as if the words were too tough to say them out loud.
And they sure were for me. An immense necessity to cry invaded me right there. And I suppressed I moan of pain that threatening to give me away. Now I was happy his face was pressed to my shoulder and he couldn't see my wincing.
"Just a week…," he mumbled again, the tone had this edge of pain and desperation too. And I suddenly thought that maybe he was also happy that I was not seeing his face right now, that maybe he hided his face on my shoulder so I wouldn't be able to see his expression while he told me what he thought.
I nodded slowly, unable to speak. It seemed as if the words were buried deep down my body, as if it was too difficult to speak. I was sure if I would speak right now, the tears that were almost in the edge of my eyes – would spill.
I felt something warm at my sides, and then I understood that warm, pleasant feeling were his hands on my waist. That amazing, weird feeling overcame my body, then. And everything became blurry, as if it was too difficult to even remember my name. My breathing accelerated too, when his nose started brushing my neck.
I gulped, my eyes closing without previous warning. My hands suddenly finding his arms as if they had a life on their own. He gasped lowly when I did this.
"I-I need to tell you something," he mumbled, his voice just too husky.
I made my best to let out the words in a coherent way. "T-tell me."
"It's not that simple," he laughed nervously, his strong breathing tickling me – but this tickles was different, and I was starting to get addicted to the feeling.
The tone of his voice made me shiver. It was too serious, too important. And I was suddenly dying to hear what he needed to tell me. "Just say it how you can, but say it."
He suddenly separated his face from my body and stared at me. His eyes too deep on mine, almost burning me. I made my best to remain still and not collapse to the floor as my mind was commanding me.
"It's just this thing that is going to kill me if I don't take it out. It's starting to eat me day by day, hour by hour…," he sighed deeply, his nostrils suddenly flaring with nervousness.
And my stomach was about to burst. My body was too full of that feeling inside me, making every single cell of my body shake with life. "I don't want you to die, just tell me."
He smiled crookedly for a brief moment, and then he became serious again. The air too thick around us, making the place even tinier and ourselves even closer.
"It's this thing that I've been feeling for a while now, becoming stronger with moments." His emerald green eyes had suddenly something dark on them, something that was reaching the top. Something he was trying to suppress.
"What is it, Edward?" I gasped.
He bit his lower lip. "Jeez, I'm such a baby! I never thought this would be that difficult…," he laughed nervously, arching his neck to the back.
Suddenly I wasn't myself anymore. Or maybe… this was the time in which I was being myself more than ever.
I took his face with my hands, commanding his eyes to look up to mine. His body became suddenly rigid with my unexpected action. "Tell me, Edward. Tell me now."
