This monstrous pile of goo is stressing me out. It just doesn't slow down! I wish I had all the memories of fighting, at least. Well, if I'm wishing for stuff, I should probably wish for all my memories back. And maybe wish that I'm not crazy.

In addition to being crazy with my fictional Amo/Sam, I also was up all night with night terrors, so I'm running on an hour (if I'm lucky, which I'm not) of sleep and very little clue of how my powers even work, beyond ectoblasts and flying. And the ice thing.

With that thought, I focus my ice and use that on the beast instead of plain ectoblasts. It freezes effectively enough, but the beast just sheds the frozen part and replaces it with more. I frown.

Aqualad swirls water around it, trying to dilute the ectoplasm, while M'gann floats, eyes white, hand extended. I can't tell what she's doing, telekinesis or telepathy, but it doesn't matter. It's not working.

Then there's Superboy, who's opting to punch it. Not really helping, but whatever. Zatanna throws spells at it. Some fire, some ice, some unbinding. All unhelpful.

I manage to hold a shield against an attack the thing sends at the floating M'gann, and then again against Zatanna. I also pull out Superboy when he almost gets sucked in.

Come on, memories, memories…

Holding my hand up, green energy surrounding the rake in front of me. It moves. As a plus, it moves where I actually wanted it to! The ghost I'd given it to gives me an annoyed look, but grabs it. I bite a sandwich.

I shake my head. That was the weirdest out-of-context memory ever.

Alright. Give me another.

Tucker and I are playing video games, hands a blur on a joystick and computer keyboard. I notice my hands are ungloved, not glowing. Fingernails, skin and natural tan lines. That's not my ghost hand.

We're playing some game, and my memory self is completely absorbed in the graphics. Our avatars jump and flip, shooting guns and placing bombs. We dive into a store, hiding from a foe much greater than both of us. Safe. Until a grenade rolls in and we both dissolve in a burst of light.

These aren't helping!

And neither am I, which means the memories slow to a stop.

I fly towards the top of the monster, shoving a shield out of me, trying to trap the entire thing. To my ultimate surprise, it works. The thing is trapped, at least for now. It roars, crashing against the dome. I grit my teeth, my power straining against the onslaught.

You okay? Superboy asks from the ground.

Yeah, I respond, pushing more energy into the shield as it rears for another attack. Quick, figure something out. This isn't going to last much longer.

Fenton Thermos, Tucker announces.

Got it, Wally continues a moment later. En route to the big blob contained with the shield.

My power rushes out of me in a torrent, but it's kind of like pouring a watering can. A steady stream, not many hitches, but the water's running out. I grunt as the blob desperately tries to escape my shield, pushing up against all sides.

The stream of power shudders and pours out of me faster, too fast. Ugh, hurry, KF! Don't you have super speed? Isn't that your thing?

Memories rush through me, past me, and I try to focus on them and the shield at the same time.

I've had two nightmares, maybe. I almost spiraled out of control once. I'm imagining a Sam ghost thing. But that's the extent of the scars I've maintained from my time with the GIW. My scars are fading rapidly, and you can barely see the ragged marks on my back or the burns around my neck, wrists and ankles anymore. The incisions on my torso are still an angry red/pink, but still, the stitches are already removed.

I almost forgot my trauma because of these new people, and it's my nature to ignore bad things and try to move on. I've moved on too fast, though. Maybe I never moved on and just shoved those thoughts in a corner of my mind. Whatever the case, it's back.

It all just sort of pushes on me at once.

Everything.

The mental and physical torture. The fact that I want to be this person I'm not sure I am anymore, that all these people are searching for him in me, and I'm not him. I don't have his memories, his attitude, his life. I'm creating a shade in my head from guilt of a person I don't know. I'm joining a team of superheroes that help everyone else, the world, when I can't even help myself?

And I'm my supposed hometown, fighting a monster I've probably battled before, and failing at it. I'm using all my energy on a shield? What is this?

Who is Danny? Who am I?

I realize three things at once. One, my shield is faltering. Two, my power (or lack thereof) is starting to hurt my core. And three, I can't breathe. My vision starts to swim, but not from the lack of oxygen.

My shield is staying up only because I hadn't shut it off. My power continues to empty, but it's pretty much gone, yet I can't seem to stop the flow, even though now it's a kind of trickle.

Got the Thermos! Phantom, drop the shield!

I can't see Kid Flash. I can see, but the image isn't reaching my head.

Phantom?

I can't tell who said it.

Phantom!

My shield bursts apart, but not because of me. The shock doesn't register either. What's happening? I'm not working right. Am I still in the air? I don't remember falling or landing. What? Is someone talking to me?

There's a ground underneath my feet. Or is it my hands? Am I on my knees?

My head's getting light. All of a sudden, something hits my back and, surprised, I suck in a lungful of air, shocking my system with the sudden intake. A voice shouts in my head, but not at me. At Robin, I think? Maybe. My vision getting dark and spotty from the oxygen.

One breath lets me know how much I need oxygen, and I suck in gasps of air. My core is pulsing too fast, I feel too hot. Why is this jumpsuit itchy? Urgh, my head! Why can't I see or hear?

I panic. It's dark, my hearing is just a faint ringing, these people won't stop talking, I'm too hot, my head hurts, I'm shaking it's cold!

My name, it's being shouted, or is it only me trying to remind myself who I am? I want to scream, but I don't have the air. I have too much air, not enough, it's hot, am I cold? I hear screaming, myself, screaming, smiles, chattering, blood, metal, lights and immobility, pain fire screaming something sweet, where's the ice yelling pleading, a light in my eyes white mist why am I the only one where are all the other… ghosts?

Am I the only ghost? …

Why... am I the only. one.. they're… interested… in?..

Why ...Phantom… special...zz…


Panic trails after me lazily, swirling in the pits of my mind, waiting for me to stop running away from it. That's how I spend oblivion. Running. I try to put distance between me and my demons, but it's hard to escape something that's everywhere. Something that is the air I breathe, the ground I stand on, the place I exist.

Still, there's a certain peace. If I'm running from it, I'm not being overtaken by it. Right? Is that how it works? I can't quite remember. Slowly, the impenetrable darkness subsides and gives me an option to escape it.

I can hear faint voices, and I focus on them to try and recenter my swimming head.

"Sure he will. Lucky for us." The words are light, but the tone isn't. "How did you not see this happening?"

"I told you, he and I were not only separate, but he was in the air! There's no way I could've guessed."

"Join the team! It'll be a big help!"

"Shut up. It was a big help. There are other factors we're not seeing here."

"I can see a pretty big one right in front of me."

"Stop."

...

"He said stop." Girl's voice.

"We did stop."

"Yeah, fighting, not glaring." Other girl's voice.

"Danny?" Another girl's voice. My eyelids flutter at the mention of my name, breaking my feigned sleep. I slowly pry my eyes open, straining against their weight. Now that they're open, and I'm officially awake, I feel like a truck hit me. Maybe a plane. My head hurts.

Blurry shapes swirl into sharper lines, slowly focusing in the light. The entire team is crowded around my bed, probably all arguing. Tucker and Robin, the main fighter's, stand at either of my hands, sending scathing glares over the bed at each other every once in a while.

I put a hand to my head, shielding from the light. M'gann, who was floating right beside my head, looks at the light switch and it dims. "How are you feeling?" she asks softly.

"Thirsty," I respond immediately. It wasn't intended as a diversion, but if it was, it worked quite nicely. Kid Flash leaves the bedside and is back in a couple seconds with a full glass of water. I take it and lift it to my mouth, eyeing the entire team watching me. I lower the glass. "Um."

They all look away like clockwork.

I drink my glass of water and set the cup on the nightstand beside me, noting that this is the medbay again.

"What happened?" I ask, realizing I don't remember much after the shield except hazy memories of panic.

"We could ask you the same question," Aqualad remarks.

"But he did ask us first," Robin cuts in, then leans a little closer to me. "You were holding a shield in Amity, if you remember that?" I nod. "Well. Wally asked you three times to drop the shield, and then you just kind of did, but not in response to him. You did this slow drop to the ground, floating lower and lower, as the monster escaped the shield and attacked us. M'gann threw you out of the way when it was obvious you were going to float right into the path of the monster. I went over as soon as I could, and you weren't breathing. So I smacked you, and then you started again. I had to go back out, because the team needed me.

"When I got back, this time with more of the team, after we defeated the ghost thing. You were full on panicking. We tried to snap you out of it, even doused you a little with water. M'gann tried to get to you telepathically-"

She shook her head. "Too much panic. I couldn't get through it."

"So I eventually just sedated you. Sorry. We couldn't reach you."

"I felt that," I reply, remembering smelling something sweet. Then I look down, hiding my eyes and watching my hands fidget with the edge of the blanket. "Sorry," I mumble.

"It's okay. I'm surprised it took this long. But what happened?"

I don't answer Robin at first. "I'm not sure," I say at last. "I just kinda felt everything at once, I guess. The GIW, being here, and the fact that I'm imagining myself a Sam."

"What?" Jazz, this time.

"Guess I can add schizophrenic to my list," I joke weakly.

"But… Wait. What?" I look once at her confusion before she starts talking again. "Schizophrenia? I don't think you have that. It'd be closer to Survivor's Guilt, maybe a shadow of a memory trying to come loose."

"I wouldn't be surprised if I did! I mean, where am I at now? PSTD-"

"PTSD," she corrects.

"Amnesia, DP-"

"DP is you, you have PD." I give her a look that clearly says I don't care if I get it wrong and am annoyed that she's correcting me, but she just shrugs. "Panic Disorder."

"And who knows what else! Might as well add another. That way we can cover all the bases." I wave my hands in a baseball diamond for emphasis.

Jazz sighs. "Danny, something like this takes time to figure out. Nobody's blaming you or expecting you to suddenly be okay."

The Team looks like they agree.

"But I'm sick of not being okay," I complain. "Why can't it all just go away? I feel like if I got my memories back, the rest of the stuff would just kind of poof."

Tucker raises an eyebrow. "Poof?"

"Poof," I confirm, nodding my head once.

"Well get that thought out of your head because it's never going to happen," Jazz lectures. "But if you want it to happen faster, you're just going to have to confront it."

"Confront it…" I trail off. I turn to M'gann. "Miss M, beam me in."

She tilts her head. "Beam you in… where?"

I tap my head.

"That's not what I meant," Jazz groans.

"Get you inside your own head?" M'gann asks incredulously, as if Jazz never spoke. "That's not possible."

"What? Yes it is."

"You go inside your own head when someone else goes in. That's how it works. We'd have to go in for you."

Wally rubs his hands. "Let's do this."

"No!" shouts Robin. Everyone turns to him. He looks deadly serious, and that look scares the crap out of me. "I'm going in. But alone."

Everyone argues at once, and I look around at the people with a mix of confusion and curiosity.

It's Aqualad that calms them all with a shout, and they all silence. "Robin, why do you think that?"

"Because. First of all, the memories we will see are the ones he remembers, mainly the days at the GIW. Neither Tucker or Jazz should see that." They protest, but even I can see that they kind of agree. He cuts them off. "And he knows and trusts me the best. His mind might shut down if there are too many unknown presences in there all prying."

It makes sense. I almost ask if he should bring someone else, so there are two, but he gives me a look through his mask that prompts me to let him handle this.

M'gann looks around with uncertainty. "Are you sure?"

I nod. Robin nods. The team reluctantly agrees with only a few more arguments. When M'gann agrees, Robin grins and flips onto the bed next to me. "Beam me up!" She still looks reluctant. "Miss M, before we change our minds!"

Her eyes glow white.

Nothing happens. I glance around, confused. "What's supposed-"

My world is swept away in a swirl of green.


Hi! I'm back! Barely realized I was gone, huh?