Chapter 29: Not Giving Up
My love, leave yourself behind
Castle stands outside her door, trying to work up the courage to knock. He had gotten out of the hospital that morning and had immediately wanted to confront her, but they wouldn't let him. Alexis had gone to school and his mother had stepped out to get groceries for dinner that evening, so he had used the opportunity to sneak out to see her. Finally he just knocks, deciding that he'd just have to hope that she would fail to check to see who it is again and open the door for him.
Kate pulls the door halfway open before spotting him and freezing. "Castle? What are you doing here?"
"I'm not dead," he says as he pushes the door open further before stepping in and shutting it behind him.
She frowns at him, "I know you're not dead."
"Are you sure? Because you're acting like I'm gone and never coming back."
She sighs, "Castle, don't make me do this."
"Why are you doing this, Kate?"
"Because I don't want anything to happen to you. You have a family to worry about; I've lost someone I loved, and I don't want your family to have to go through that. They need you more than I do."
"Mother and Alexis are perfectly capable of getting by without me." She opens her mouth to protest, but he stops her. "I'm not saying that it wouldn't cause them a lot of pain, but they could survive. You, I'm not so sure about."
She scoffs at this, "Don't flatter yourself, Castle. I got along just fine before you came along, and I could get over the loss and go back to that. I don't need you in my life."
"Okay, maybe you don't need me. But I need you. I'm not going to give up on this, Kate. I'm not giving up on you. I'm going to fight for this because it's right. This thing that we have is incredible, and it's worth fighting for."
She bites her lip, looking away from him, "Please, Castle. I'm not worth it."
"Yes, you are."
"No. Don't get yourself killed over me."
"Why not, Kate? You're trying to get yourself killed over her," Rick immediately regrets the words as soon as they're out of his mouth.
A look of hurt crosses her face briefly before the anger takes over, "That's what you think? You think I'm trying to get killed over this? Because I'm not. I'm just trying to bring her justice. She deserves that."
"And every time you reopen her case you practically get killed. Coonan had a gun in the precinct. Lockwood would have killed you had I not gotten to him first. They would have killed you the other day if it hadn't been for me giving them names; they probably would have come back to finish you off if Ryan and Esposito hadn't shown up. So, yes, it does seem that you're willing to sacrifice yourself in order to bring her justice."
Kate clenches her fists and closes her eyes to block out the pain of his words. "Get out."
"Do you really think that that is what she would have wanted for you? I didn't know her, but I'm sure she wouldn't want you to get yourself killed over her. She would want you to be happy, Kate. Don't do this. Don't push me away. Not unless I'm really not the one that makes you happy."
She keeps her fists clenched but the anger slowly dissipates from her face as she hesitates, refusing to look at him.
"I love you, Kate. Nothing you say or do is ever going to change that. If you don't feel the same way, then I'll respect that and leave. But if you do… don't give this up, don't let it pass by. Anything you need me to do and I'll do it," Rick pauses before continuing. "If it meant we could still be together, I would give up shadowing you for good."
"Don't make promises you have no intention of keeping, Castle."
"Kate."
"Just go."
"Tell me you don't love me."
"I don't."
"Say it. To my face."
It takes her a moment to compose herself before she turns to look him in the eyes. "I don't… I don't love you, Castle."
He stares at her for a long moment. "You're lying."
"So what if I am?"
"For a detective you're not a very good liar."
"For a writer you don't listen very well."
He frowns at her, "What does that have to do with writing?"
She shrugs, giving him a small smile. "I don't know. But it's still true."
Castle steps closer to her and envelops her in a hug. She tenses for only a second before relaxing against him. "I'm sorry. For what I said about you, for getting shot and making you think I was going to leave you, for… anything else I've ever done."
"I'm sorry too, Rick. I do need you in my life. And I shouldn't have reacted to you getting shot the way I did; it was wrong to try to run away from this and think that we'd both be okay."
He tightens his arms, still trying to be mindful of her ribs so he doesn't hurt her. He kisses the top of her head before allowing her to pull back from him slightly. "I was serious about my offer, Kate. If you really want me to stop shadowing you, I would do it."
She hesitates, bringing one hand up to cover his heart and the other to cover the wound on his shoulder. "Yes… I do. I think it's for the best, Rick. Maybe once some time has passed and we're both healed I'll let you come back, but right now I'd like you to stop."
"Okay," he kisses her temple.
"Thank you."
"How… how is the case? Is it all over?"
She shakes her head, "They shot three of them in the warehouse when they found us. They never saw a fourth man; he's out there somewhere. They were going to try to identify them and see if they could figure anything else out. I'm betting there's still someone higher up calling the shots. But they haven't told me anything since I woke up in the hospital; Montgomery probably told them to keep me out of it so he wouldn't have to deal with me trying to come back to work the case."
"You're on desk duty?"
"Actually he banned me from the precinct for a week."
He leads her over to the couch so they can sit down. "You have a lot of vacation days saved up, right?"
She looks at him warily, "Why?"
"I was thinking that maybe we could get away from the city for a while. We both can heal and you won't be tempted to go back to work before you should. We can spend time together and be grateful that we're both still here."
"Castle…"
"And you say I have a dirty mind, Beckett," he rolls his eyes at her. "I didn't mean it like that. It's probably not such a good idea with both of us hurt. But I mean… if you really wanted to…"
Now she rolls her eyes at him, "Where did you have in mind?"
"I'm not particular. A bed, the kitchen, right here on the couch, even your car would work."
She hits him in the arm, "Castle, get that out of your mind."
"Well, there's always the Hamptons if you didn't want to go too far. But really, wherever you want to go is fine with me."
"You're still just trying to see me in a bathing suit, Castle."
"Am not. Besides, it's February. The water's a little cold. But… I do have a hot tub so you should still bring that swim suit."
"I don't know, Castle. You probably don't want to see me in a swim suit right now."
"Just because you can't exercise for two months doesn't mean you're going to gain weight, Kate. And even if you gain a little, it's no big deal. You'll always be beautiful."
She blushes, "That's not exactly what I was referring to." Pulling back from him slightly, she lifts her shirt up to reveal the bruises that cover her ribs.
He grimaces, "That looks… painful. I'm so sorry."
"You couldn't have done anything. And it's really not bad unless I put pressure on it."
"How many did you break?"
"Three."
"And there's nothing they can do?"
"Not really. They should heal on their own if I don't strain them. Castle?"
"Yeah?"
"When I was shot in the shoulder, they made me wear a sling so I couldn't move my arm."
"They gave me a sling. I just don't want to wear it."
"Rick, your shoulder isn't going to heal properly if you don't."
"It's fine. I'm not using it to do anything strenuous."
Before she can yell at him, there is a knock on her door. She goes to answer it, and he notices that she fails to look through the peephole before answering yet again. "Hey, Lanie."
"Did you go see Castle in the hospital yet? Because if you haven't, girl, I'm going to smack you. You're making a big mistake, and after everything he's done for you, he really doesn't deserve the cold shoulder from you. Not for this. It wasn't even his…" the ME stops when Kate steps aside, revealing Castle on the couch.
"Doctor Parish, how nice to see you," Castle smiles and waves.
She looks from one to the other, "I should go. I don't want to be in the way. I mean… you have apologized to him and made up right?"
"We're fine, Lanie."
He comes to the door, "I should probably go. You two were going to spend time together, and I should've called first or something."
"No, it's fine, Writer Boy. You stay here and keep her company. Esposito will be glad to see me back so soon," Lanie grins at them before heading out.
"Do you want me to go, Kate? It's not a big deal. Mother's probably freaking out."
She gives him a small smile, "I'd like it if you would stay."
"I will. Just give me a second to call and let Mother know I'm okay; I'm really surprised she hasn't called yet anyway." He watches her tense at the mention of his mother and looks at her questioningly.
Kate turns her face away, "You… you should go home to your family, Rick."
"Come with me."
"No. They have to hate me right now for what I did to you."
"They don't blame you for me getting shot."
"Maybe not. But I intentionally walked away from us - from you, Rick - and the looks of horror on their faces when I told them I was ending it… They completely hated me."
"They didn't hate you. And if they did, they'll get over when they know everything is right again," he takes her hand. "So is the Hamptons okay? Because we can go anywhere."
"That's fine. We don't have to go far."
"Then we'll leave tomorrow morning."
"I can't take you from your family, Rick. Especially after you got shot."
"I'll take the blame for this if they don't like it. You just be packed tomorrow morning. And I was thinking… Alexis has a three day weekend next week. They could join us then. And maybe we could come back to the city after that. Unless you want to stay longer, of course. That would be fine too."
"Rick, they already hate me for leaving. Kidnapping you isn't going to get me on their good side."
"It isn't kidnapping."
"At least let me apologize to them before we go and ask if they mind."
"No."
"Because you know they won't like it."
"No, because I think a little time to ourselves is needed and giving them time to cool down and think about things would be best."
"Because they hate me."
Rick squeezes her hand, "Can you trust me on something for once?"
Kate's green eyes meet his blue ones, "I do trust you."
A/N: So it's all okay in the end, just like I told you it would be. Well, it's not quite okay with his family, but it'll get there next chapter. I feel like this story has gone on forever... but now there's only one chapter left. It should be up Monday or Tuesday. So... something happened to my computer the other day and all my documents and stuff went missing. I was very upset; I mean, most of what I had was old fanfiction stories that are posted here so that wasn't big but I had one story started that I thought I lost. I was able to open the document from the recent items panel thing, but it only had three of the four and a half chapter I had written on it. For some reason I write in OneNote and then copy it to word and then copy the chapter individually to put them on here. But it ended up all my stuff was just hidden so now I don't have to rewrite those couple chapters. I think this is like the first time I've finished posting a story without having another one finished. Well, maybe not; I don't think I was completely done with this one when I started posting. Anyway... hope you enjoyed this one, especially now that they're back together. Please tell me what you thought.
