It killed him to admit it but this was the one time where he, Jean Kirschtein, actually wished Eren-fucking-Jaeger was around. They were reluctant friends at best and best enemies more often than not, so he had never thought he would ever think this. But there it was. The feeling that damn, he wished the fucking bastard was alright, because fuck he had just basically sacrificed his life for them. He felt shitty.
He glanced around, taking in the sombre expressions of his surviving comrades. Sasha and Connie were huddled together, silent for once. Marco was sitting against the wall not far away from them. Thomas and Hanna were there as well, clinging to each other for dear life. Armin was hugging himself, his baby blue eyes swimming with tears. All the others had died. Well, all except Eren. Hopefully.
They had managed to get to the inner wall without too much trouble. All thanks to that Suicidal Bastard. His head sank into his hands, a lump of guilt and worry settling in his throat.
"Fuck."
His groan caught the attention of the others. He looked back up. They all looked worried and scared. At the moment he was surrounded by soldiers but by children who had lived through their worst nightmare. Don't look back, Eren had said. He understood now the true meaning of that order.
He got to his feet and faced them with determination.
"Get up, all of you." he told them trying to keep his voice from wavering. "We've moped long enough. Now, we need to move on. Our gas supplies are running low, so our first objective will be to reach the reserve. It's not that far. We can make it." he looked around, eyes burning with a cold fire. "All of us. We'll get to the tower and replenish our supplies. The others will probably do that too so it will be killing two birds with one stone."
Silence followed his words.
"Come on." he urged them. "We lost our comrades. Eren gave up his life so that we could go to safety. Are we going to waste their sacrifices? Are we going to just sit there and wait for a Titan to pick us up like good little snacks?!"
At last, his words seemed to have an effect. Connie scrambled to his feet, his legs were shaking but he forced a small smile on his lips as he looked at Jean. He nodded at his comrade encouragingly. Sasha was next, immediately followed by Marco who addressed a bright smile to Jean. Hannah and Thomas tried to look firm as they nodded at him.
Jean looked at Armin. The blond looked so shocked and utterly lost that he wondered if he had even heard him talking. He went to kneel in front of the boy.
"Hey." he said softly. "I know this is hard. But Eren isn't dead yet and neither are we."
Teary blue eyes looked up at him.
"We're going to get those supplies, reunite with the others and then we can counter attack. We might make it in time for Eren and if we don't…" he paused. "Well, we will at least avenge his death properly. We owe him that much."
The blonde sniffled and nodded.
"Yeah." he croaked.
Jean smiled encouragingly and gave the blond's shoulder a comforting pat.
"Come on." he said, helping the boy to his feet.
He then turned to the others, a hand still placed on Armin's shoulder. He gave it a comforting squeeze before giving the order.
"Let's move out!"
He didn't know how long he had been fleeing from the gigantic hands which made grabs for him. But he was still going and that had to count for something. Whenever he saw a good opportunity he would kill a couple of his pursuers before continuing his course. But he wouldn't be able to keep going for long. His gas supply was running low.
He hadn't really thought he would make it out alive but the possibility had definitely existed at the back of his mind. It didn't anymore.
Funnily enough, the prospect of dying in itself didn't faze him. It was the idea that he would never see Levi again which made his heart squeeze painfully and made him draw out what gas he had left in hopes of a miracle. There would be no miracle, he knew that. Miracles didn't happen. If they did, Levi would never have had to go, Farlan and Isabelle would be alive. The Walls wouldn't have been broken and he wouldn't be there running for his life.
No miracles didn't happen.
But at least he would die with the pride of having saved his comrades. Jean and the others had made it. They had to. Because he refused to have done all this for nothing. He would make them reach safety even if he had to do it with sheer willpower alone. They would live to see another sunrise, even if he couldn't.
Yes, he would continue running. Going as far as he could before he ran out of gas. He would do everything he could. That way, he could die without regretting anything. At least not anything more. His only regret would Levi.
His 3DGM sputtered. He fell. He managed to ease the fall by rolling on himself. It was a good thing he had managed to fall on a roof. He scrambled to his feet and watched as a swarm of Titans ran towards him. He placed himself on guard. If he was going down, he would at least go down fighting.
A single tear rolled down his cheek, losing itself in the folds of his black mask.
"Levi, I love you."
A hand reached for him and he leapt forward.
