Second Chances: Chapter 29


Stardate 51019
January 2374
San Francisco, Earth

Knowing how much Starfleet loved bureaucracy, Lt. Torres shouldn't have been surprised at the amount of paperwork it took before a planet-based officer who was a single parent could go on a combat mission, but really, it would have been easier on everyone involved if they had just let resign her commission and return to Mars.

A few hours after the last PADD was stamped, B'Elanna was back at the Paris' house, staring out into the dark on the other side of the living room window without seeing, a glass of Owen's whiskey in hand. "This is a stupidly dangerous mission."

She took another sip of whiskey instead of turning to face Nicki. "You chose to stay on Earth when a Borg cube was heading your way," she pointed out. "And your civilian husband stayed with you."

"I'm a physician," Nicki replied. "So is Jason. It's our job to—"

"Doctors don't have a monopoly on risking personal safety for the good of others."

"You will literally be on an enemy ship, crossing enemy lines—"

"Nicki," B'Elanna interrupted, finally facing her sister-in-law. "Stop." She didn't know how or why, but things had been different in the family since the Borg threat, even though nothing had happened. Earth had been unharmed. B'Elanna had been busy with repairs, but the whole thing had bypassed Mars as if nobody had cared about it. A lot of ships had been destroyed and a lot of lives lost, but nobody connected to the Paris family had been counted in those numbers. The Taurus had been dinged, but easily repaired. She had seen to it herself, as a favor to Jens, who had gotten so emotional when she said the repairs were complete that the normally stoic Norwegian had given her a hug. She was concerned enough about that that she almost had Nicki check to make sure he wasn't experiencing residual effects from the concussion.

And yet, things were different in ways that B'Elanna couldn't define.

Nicki sighed and massaged her temples. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just…" She frowned. "I lost my brother," she said, her words now coming out in a rush, "and I can't lose you, too. And I'm so worried, because it sounds so similar to the mission they sent Tom on, and—"

"Nicki," B'Elanna interrupted again. "I need you to do me a favor. I have every intention of coming back from this mission, but if I don't, I need you and Jason to take care of Izzy."

Nicki blinked in surprise. "Us?" she asked. "But… why?"

"Because you're the most like Tom," B'Elanna said, "and that's what Izzy needs. Besides," she said with a shrug. "You come with a built-in babysitter, your parents won't have the energy in another decade to take care of a part-Klingon teenager, John would probably end up walking away in a few years, and Syd is far too high-strung and is already parenting solo."

Nicki finally started to smile. "So, we're the top out of a collection of lousy choices," she summarized.

"Pretty much," B'Elanna agreed with a smile of her own.

"In that case, you really better come back," Nicki said. "We already have four kids of our own, and I'm a little afraid Izzy would just get lost in the shuffle."

B'Elanna snorted. "I doubt it would be possible to lose Izzy in any sort of shuffle. She has a terrifyingly effective way to get your attention."

Nicki laughed and surprised B'Elanna by wrapping her in a tight hug. "Just… come back, okay?"

"That's the plan," B'Elanna repeated.

Nicki released her and quickly wiped at her eyes. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way," she said, "I sent your medical records to Dr. Bashir on the Defiant."

B'Elanna looked at her, aghast. "Why?"

"Because he's the doctor?"

"I don't need people knowing my business!"

"He's a doctor!" Nicki said, exasperated. "We are one of the few professions that actually do need to know your business."

"It doesn't take an entire medical history to figure out that if I'm bleeding, you should stop the bleeding. It's not that hard!"

"Hybridology is complicated medicine. You almost died because people didn't respect that!"

"There aren't going to be any snakes on the ship!"

Nicki threw up her hands in exasperation. "It's more than just snake venom and neurotransmitters, B'Elanna! Your physiology—"

"Stop worrying about me!"

"Somebody has to!"

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself!"

"Obviously not," Nicki scoffed, "or you wouldn't be going on this stupid mission!"

"We already had that fight!" B'Elanna stopped herself and gave a short laugh. "You really are just like your brother. You even fight like him."

Nicki snorted. "Who do you think taught him?" she scoffed. She softened. "I'm sorry," she said. "I get argumentative when I worry. Like Tom. I'm pretty sure we both got it from Dad."

"I really don't care where you get it from," B'Elanna said. "It's bad when he does it. It's a lot worse when you do."

"Worse?" Nicki asked with a frown. "Why would it be worse?" B'Elanna smirked at her, crossed her arms, and raised her eyebrows. Nicki looked confused for a long minute, then her eyes widened in realization and her hands flew up as if on their own accord, hovering about her head as if they couldn't decide if they should be covering her eyes or her ears. "Aaah!" she exclaimed. "I did not to think about that!" B'Elanna smirked again and refrained from pointing out that Izzy's existence was proof that Nicki's brother had had sex.

"Good night, Nicki," B'Elanna said forcefully. Nicki gave a slight smile in defeat and gave her sister-in-law another hug before leaving the Paris house.

B'Elanna finished the whiskey and recycled the glass before heading to Owen's study. "You finally ran her out of the house," Owen commented without looking up from his console.

"She's almost as pushy as Tom," B'Elanna commented, her eyes scanning his holos. She smiled at one of the pictures of her and Izzy at the lemur preserve that Ainsley had taken and removed it from the shelf. "This is my favorite picture of her," she commented.

Owen looked up and smiled. "It's my favorite picture of both of you," he said. Her eyes traveled from where they always rested, on Izzy's face, full of excitement and wonder and joy as she had held a very tame and patient lemur, and over to her own image, and remembered how she felt when it was taken. She had been seated because she hardly had the energy to stand, exhausted from that terrible marathon that she hadn't been properly trained for, her legs cramping and her head aching, but you couldn't tell that from the holo. Her eyes had been on Izzy and she had been smiling at her daughter's excitement at getting to hold a lemur.

"It's amazing how things can look in a snapshot in time," she mused. "Here, it looks like I actually know how to be a parent."

Owen chuckled. "None of us know how to be a parent," he commented. "We are all making it up as we go." He paused, then added, "Tom would be impressed with how good of a mother you are."

"Tom always thought I'd be a good mother," B'Elanna replied as she replaced the holo. "Even when I didn't. And I knew he'd be a good father. Even when he wasn't sure."

"I wish you had gotten the chance to prove it to him."

"So do I."

He looked wistful, the way he always did when thinking about Tom, and a few seconds later, gave her an apologetic smile and changed the subject. "When are you leaving?"

"Eleven-hundred," B'Elanna replied promptly. "I'm going to take Izzy out for breakfast and then to the bay. She likes the water and never sees it on Mars." She frowned. "I don't know how she's going to do tomorrow night," she said apologetically. "We've never had a night apart since she was born. Not even when Alicia was watching her on Mars in December. I tried explaining that she's staying with Grandma and Grandpa and I'm not, but I don't think she understood."

"Don't worry about Izzy," Owen said. "We have plenty of practice from Syd and Nicki dropping their kids off. And we're planning on spoiling her rotten."

"Great," B'Elanna said dryly. "That'll be fun to come home to."

The next morning, B'Elanna and Izzy headed out to get breakfast, because Izzy enjoyed eating breakfast at restaurants, even though she always asked for the same thing her mother could replicate for her—a waffle with maple syrup—and always ended up making a huge mess, because toddlers and maple syrup did not mix. And then they went down to the bay, where B'Elanna chased Izzy and tickled her, and Izzy chased her mother and tried to tickle her, before she got distracted and decided to chase the waves. Unsuccessfully, which ended with the small girl falling in the water as a wave hit her and soaked her from head to toe. She didn't seem to mind, the air erupting in delighted peals of laughter.

It was a good morning, with the dark cloud of the next month hanging over B'Elanna, and she couldn't help but wonder what Nicki and Jason would tell Izzy of her parents if she didn't make it back. Would they talk about Tom's flying? How excited he was that a baby was coming? How would they explain to her just how much her mother loved her and needed her? How would they answer the questions when Izzy started asking why her forehead was different than theirs, why her hair was dark and curly and everyone else's was blond and straight?

She caught Izzy and tossed her in the air, earning more shrieks of laughter, before she brought her still-wet child to her hip. "I love you, monkey," she said, kissing Izzy on the top of her head.

"Love you, Mommy," Izzy replied, wrapping her arms tightly around her mother's neck.

She felt her throat tighten and swallowed hard against it. "I need to go do work really far away," she said, trying to explain for what had to be the tenth time what was going on. "You're going to get to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a month. Isn't that going to be fun?"

Izzy nodded eagerly, her response whenever someone said the word 'fun.' "Was dat?" she asked.

"A month?" B'Elanna asked, getting another nod from Izzy. "That's about thirty good mornings," B'Elanna said. Izzy's eyes went wide; thirty was a big number in her world. "But you're going to have so much fun, you won't even notice I'm gone," B'Elanna said quickly. "What're you going to do with Grandma and Grandpa while I'm gone?"

"The zoo!" Izzy said excitedly. B'Elanna had no idea where Izzy's recent fascination with zoos had come from; she hadn't even realized that Izzy knew what a zoo was. "An' monkeys!"

"You're going to see monkeys?" B'Elanna asked with a laugh. "But you're a monkey!"

"No!" Izzy exclaimed, then giggled. "Wama!"

"You're a llama?" Izzy giggled again, nodding vigorously. "I think you're silly."

"You siwy!" Izzy insisted between giggles.

B'Elanna had no idea where she had gotten such a joyful child, but she figured it would be best to keep her, and gave her another kiss on the top of her head.

Two hours later, she was in a fresh uniform, the salt and sand removed from her hair and skin. "I'll comm before she goes to bed, whenever I can," B'Elanna promised to Owen as they headed toward the transporter station.

"Izzy's going to be fine," he assured her. "I promise." They had left her with Alicia, nobody wanting to deal with the fallout when Izzy realized that her mother was transporting somewhere without her. It was better to distract her and get a few hours in without her realizing her mother was gone. "All you need to worry about is keeping yourself safe."

B'Elanna nodded. "I'll see you in about a month," she said.

She wanted to say more; she wanted to promise that she would be back, that she would stay safe, that she would watch her daughter grow up, but Tom's words about promises were always there in the back of her mind. He didn't make promises, because Owen made them too easily, and broke them just as easily whenever Starfleet asked him to. So instead, B'Elanna made herself a promise as she gave the transporter operator the coordinates of the ship overhead:

I'm not going to stand here and promise you that I will stand by you forever and will be by your side as long as you live, because I don't know if I can. But I am going to promise you that I will always try my hardest to do just that.

Tom's words to her on her wedding day, and now, her silent words to their daughter as she headed toward an enemy ship, to take her into enemy space.