A/N: Nice long one for you.
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of its characters and affiliates.
~Destiny within chaos. It was the definition of our love~ - Shannon. A. Thompson
December 5, 1989
Setting his coffee cup down in the sink, Michael turned and walked out of the kitchen, his footsteps the only sound he could hear.
With James at school, and Sandy running errands, the house was quiet. JJ was upstairs; whether she was resting or doing something else, Michael didn't know.
As he walked into the foyer, his eyes landed on a framed photo sitting on the hall table. It had been taken about two years earlier, on their summer vacation to California. Rosaline was standing beside her mother, her smile warm and genuine. JJ looked healthy and radiant, her long blonde hair blowing in the breeze.
It was eerie to think that back then, none of them knew how difficult life would get.
Slowly climbing the stairs, he tried to stay quiet in case JJ was sleeping. She'd been so tired from radiation; he didn't want to wake her up if she was.
Reaching her bedroom door, he looked around the frame. A smile crossed his face when he saw JJ curled up in her bed reading a book. Mr Moses was tucked under her arm, a blanket draped over her shoulders.
"Hey peanut. What are you reading?" Michael asked softly, entering the room and heading over to JJ's bed, where he sat down beside her.
"One of James' books that he gave me. It's kinda boring," JJ replied, closing the book and setting it down on top of the bed as she shifted so she could rest her head on her dad's shoulder.
"You tired?" Michael asked, kissing the top of JJ's head. She had taken to not wearing a beanie around the house unless someone was over, and Sandy and Michael were pleased that she was starting to be a little more confident, even if it was only around her family.
"A little bit. I'm always tired though," JJ replied quietly, punctuating her sentence with a yawn.
"When you reach the end of this, you'll start to feel somewhat better. I'm sure we'll see you out on the soccer field by the end of next year," Michael said warmly, smiling down at his little girl.
"I don't know...," JJ mumbled.
"What's the matter little one?" Michael asked, sensing the apprehension in her voice.
"I feel so sick all the time," JJ sighed, cuddling closer to her dad. "It just feels like I'm never going to get better. Like...there's nothing out there for me because my life right now is cancer"
Pulling her close, Michael kissed the top of JJ's head once more. "There's so much out there for you...you'll have your whole life ahead of you to experience amazing things"
JJ looked up at her dad, cocking an eyebrow at him. "If you ever let me out of the house"
Michael laughed. "Jaybird...I know you're my little baby girl. And for that reason, I have always wanted to keep you locked away once you got older, and fend off all the boys who wanted to get near you with a big stick," he started, making JJ giggle. "But since you've been sick, I've realised just how much I actually want you to grow up and experience all the amazing things there are to experience in this world. I want you to experience your first kiss, and your first love, even though I've always wanted you to stay little forever. I want to walk you down the aisle and give you away to the man of your dreams, and I want you to have an amazing life and get everything you've ever wanted out of it. These past few months...I've been scared that you won't get to have all of that...but I see you staying strong every day...you're fighting so hard, and every day, I get more and more hopeful that someday, you'll fall in love and get married, you'll get to travel the world and have everything you've ever dreamed of. I know for you it feels hopeless...but I want you to think about the incredible things waiting for you in the future, and look at how strong you've been so far. I want you to keep going. I may not be able to hold onto you forever, but right now, I will. I'll hold you and help you and be there for you while you fight this"
JJ's eyes were bright with tears when Michael finished speaking. She couldn't find the words to describe how she felt about what her dad had just said to her.
The tears started to fall as she buried her face in her dad's shoulder, her body shaking with sobs.
"Don't cry peanut, don't cry," Michael said softly, rubbing her back gently as he held her.
"I love you Dad," JJ said tearfully, her voice a little muffled.
Michael smiled, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I love you too Jaybird, I really do"
Slipping his jacket off, James beckoned Katie inside, closing the door behind them as he did. It had started snowing, and as the snow fell, so did the temperature.
"It's so cold out there," Katie gasped, rubbing her hands together as she looked up at James. "So cold"
James chuckled. "It is pretty chilly, hey? Let me take your jacket so it can dry out"
"James, is that you?" Sandy called. Her footsteps approached the foyer as James hung up his and Katie's jackets. Moments later, she entered the small room, smiling warmly at her son and the pretty young girl standing beside him.
"You must be Katie," she said, her voice welcoming and soft. "I'm James' mom"
"I am," Katie replied with a smile. "It's so nice to meet you Mrs Jareau"
Sandy grinned. "Sandy is fine hon"
Beckoning for them to follow, she led them into the kitchen. "Come in here where it's warmer. I'll get you something to eat while you thaw out"
James and Katie laughed, sliding onto the counter stools as Sandy pulled the cookie jar, the milk, and the hot chocolate powder from their respective storage places.
"James, your dad went out to run some errands for work, he'll be back soon. And Jen is hanging around here somewhere, although I haven't got a clue what she's doing," Sandy explained, setting the cookie jar down in front of the two teenagers. "You help yourselves. I'm going to check on Jen"
Leaving her son and his girlfriend at the counter, Sandy quickly made her way upstairs. It was never hard to find JJ these days; she was either on the couch, in the bathroom, or in her bedroom.
Poking her head around the frame, she found JJ sitting on the floor in front of the full length mirror, tugging frustratedly at her beanie, scowling at her reflection.
JJ had started having steroids during the last week of radiation to help fight the inflammation in her throat caused by the treatment. It was also to help boost her appetite, and so far, that was all it was achieving.
A downside to the steroids was that they made JJ slightly puffy. Her cheeks looked a little chubbier, and her joints had swollen. The swelling was only mild, as it was early stages of steroid treatment, but it was enough to make JJ even more tightly wound than usual.
"What's the problem?" Sandy asked.
"My head is too fat! It won't sit right," JJ grumbled, giving up on pulling at the head covering and instead slumping in front of the mirror, her lower lip protruding in an impressive pout.
Smiling slightly, Sandy crossed the room, swiftly pulling the beanie off of her daughter's head and stretching it slightly between her hands. Within moments, she had it back on JJ's head, sitting comfortably.
"There you go. Where would you be without me?" she teased as she helped JJ to her feet.
"Completely lost," JJ replied with a little giggle. Sandy had an inward sigh of relief; meltdown narrowly averted.
Sandy patiently helped JJ down the stairs, ignoring the death grip JJ had on her arm as she descended the stairs step by step. Once they reached the bottom, JJ let go, determined to make her own way into the kitchen. Sandy stayed right by her side in case she stumbled or lost her balance.
"Hey JJ. How was your day?" James asked as he spotted his sister coming into the room.
"It was ok," JJ said softly, her voice soft and hoarse. She was watching Katie curiously. She figured this was the girl James had been talking about the other day.
"JJ, this is Katie. Katie, this is my sister, JJ," James introduced, gesturing between the two as he spoke.
Katie smiled, giving JJ a little wave. "Hi JJ. It's nice to meet you"
"Nice to meet you too," JJ replied with a small smile. Katie seemed nice, but until JJ knew her a little better, she would feel like she was being sized up. It was a feeling she just couldn't shake around new people.
"Want a cookie Jayje?" James asked as Sandy moved back behind the counter, holding the tub out to his sister.
JJ shook her head, bringing her left hand up and lightly scratching her cheek, subtly tapping the NJ tube twice with the tip of her finger as she lowered it again. It was more than just a subconscious reaction; it had become JJ's way of saying that she didn't think she could keep food down whenever she was in the presence of someone other than her family.
Moving over beside her brother, JJ gratefully gripped the arm he held out to her as she got up on the remaining counter stool.
Katie watched the way JJ moved, and immediately felt her heart break for the younger girl. She knew cancer was an awful disease, but she had never seen firsthand what it did to people who had it.
After enjoying a mug of hot chocolate each, with the exception of JJ, James led Katie into the front lounge room, where they could enjoy each other's company in relative peace.
"Your mom's really nice," Katie said with a smile as they sat down on the couch. "I really like her. Your sister too"
James grinned. "JJ didn't even say that much"
Katie laughed, leaning into James' side as he put his arm around her. "I know...but she seems like a sweet kid"
James suddenly sat forward, turning to look at Katie as he lifted his arm from her shoulders. "Do you want to see some pictures of her? From before she got sick?"
Katie nodded.
James grinned as he got up off the couch. "I think there's even baby pictures of me, just to sweeten the deal"
Katie burst out laughing. "Oh now you HAVE to show me!"
Crossing the room, James knelt down in front of the wall unit and opened one of the cupboards. Retrieving a thick photo album, he carried it back over to Katie.
It was apparent when James opened the book that it hadn't been opened for a while; the protective layers of plastic peeled apart as the spine cracked loudly.
The first few photos were of James and Rosaline when they were very small. Rosaline had only been a toddler when James came along.
Katie smiled at the sight of her boyfriend and his older sister. Leaning into him, she took his hand and squeezed it tightly, knowing it would still be hard for him to talk about Rosaline.
After about five pages of Katie cooing over James as a baby, baby JJ started to appear in the photos.
"Always a protective big brother," Katie said softly, pointing to a photo of five year old James holding a tiny baby JJ.
"You bet," James replied with a grin, flipping further through the book to find more recent pictures of JJ.
He finally came across one that had been taken about two months before Rosaline died. JJ was standing with their parents, wearing her soccer uniform and proudly holding a trophy. She was smiling widely, her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail.
Katie let out a soft gasp. It stunned her how different JJ looked now. Not only the lack of hair, but her pale skin, her weakened frame, and the way her clothes hung on her...it was like looking at a totally different child.
"Oh wow...she looks so different," she said softly. James nodded, turning the page to see more photos of himself and JJ with Rosaline.
Katie laid her head on James' shoulder as he slowly turned the pages of the album, taking in all the photos. With each photo she saw, it was becoming more and more apparent just how much the little family was going through.
"What type of cancer does JJ have?" she asked softly.
James looked up from the pages of glossy photos, turning his head to look at his girlfriend. "Stage 4 medulloblastoma. It grows on the brain stem. That's why JJ doesn't walk too well at the moment"
Katie's eyes widened. "Oh wow. How treatable is it? Unless you don't want to talk about it-"
"No, it's ok," James cut in. "Mom said it's aggressive and malignant, but they got the entire tumor out in the surgery and they caught it before it could spread. That paired with how fit JJ was when she was diagnosed means she has a really good chance of beating it"
Katie smiled. "I could tell by looking at her that she's a tough kid"
James grinned.
"You have no idea"
Michael had taken an instant liking to the young girl his son was dating from the moment they were introduced. He could tell she had a good head on her shoulders, and that was enough for him.
"So Katie," Michael started as the five of them sat down to a meal that Sandy had agonised over almost all day. "Lepecha is a Russian name, if I'm correct?"
Katie smiled, nodding. "My dad comes from a Russian family"
"So what do your parents do, Katie?" Sandy asked warmly as she spooned some gravy over her meat.
Taking the dish off potatoes James was passing to her, Katie speared a few and put them on her plate. "My dad is in international affairs for a shipping company. And my mom is a dental nurse"
"Two very different jobs," Michael chuckled.
Katie grinned. "Yeah, they are"
JJ sat forward, leaning on the edge of the table. "Do you have different food and stuff?"
Katie smiled, nodding at the younger girl. "Sometimes. Most days, we're just like any other family. But we celebrate our holidays a little differently. Christmas is always fun"
"What do you do for Christmas?" JJ asked, her voice getting a little stronger as she slowly grew more comfortable around Katie.
"Well, we celebrate it after New Year's. And we have lots of Russian food, and music and dancing. My family is very big, so there's always lots of kids running around. My uncle usually does something silly to entertain the kids"
JJ giggled. "Like what?"
Katie smiled. "This year, we were all in a big room at my aunt's house. The little kids were sitting on the floor playing with their new toys. My uncle got up from his chair, and he turned on the cassette player and played a silly Russian song called 'Smuglyanka Moldavanka'. And he started dancing and singing along. And he was singing funny too, like tam smuglyanka-moldavanka, sobirala vinograd," she explained, imitating her uncle's deep voice.
JJ and James laughed, as did their parents.
"He sounds funny," JJ giggled.
"He is, he really is," Katie agreed with a smile.
Sandy smiled across the table at Michael. Anyone who could make JJ smile, laugh, and take a genuine interest in something, as well as make their son happy, was welcome in their home any time.
Walking Katie to the front door, James smiled softly at his girlfriend.
"Tonight was really nice. My parents really like you. So does JJ," he said happily.
Squeezing James' hand, Katie smiled back. "The feeling is mutual. Your parents are so welcoming. And your sister is a great kid"
A gentle smile spread across James' face as he took her other hand so he was holding both. Looking into her eyes, he saw happiness and warmth. It was then he knew the time was right.
Slowly, they both leaned in, their lips brushing against each other's in a gentle first kiss.
The kiss was brief, but it was enough. As they pulled apart, the smiles on their faces clearly showed how they felt. Their hearts were pounding, which James put down to nerves, but neither of them could have been happier.
Opening the front door, Katie stepped out onto the porch. "I'll see you tomorrow"
Waving at her as she started to walk to her dad's car, James called after her. "See you"
He stayed there until her father had pulled away and driven off into the night.
Closing the door behind him, James made his way up the stairs, in a daze as he went to his room and fell onto his bed.
He'd kissed Katie. She had kissed him.
He was one happy guy.
