Disclaimer: Nope, don't own a thing, folks. Just passin' through.
Brevity
Chapter 29: Redemption
The nightmares were worse than ever. Seeing an actual battlefield, littered with the dead, could do that. But it was her own mind that filled it with her friends. Her family. And the overwhelming fear that it was all her fault.
Mara woke in a panic, screaming and fighting against the shadows that kept trying to pull her back under. It wasn't until Nero, close to panicking himself now, shook her that she realized she was fighting her sheets. The shadows were only in her mind, but maybe that's what made them even more dangerous. There was a painful lump in her throat, and tears streaming down her cheeks, and the shaking wouldn't stop. If she had been able to think clearly, she'd have realized the reason she couldn't breathe was because she was hyperventilating, but it had been a long time since she'd had a panic attack, and this one was worse than usual.
The screaming had roused the others, though, and they came running. Nero glanced between the girl curled into a shivering ball and the door before stationing himself in front of it. He remained there resolutely, even through Cid's cursing him and Yuffie's shouted protests, only shaking his head at them. "You don't need to see her like this. She wouldn't want you to." Weiss looked shaken, disturbed as memories of his brother's "containment" surfaced, and found himself nodding. Between the two of them, they managed to convince everyone to wait downstairs, by which time a quiet singing could be heard above the muffled sobs. They all seemed a bit more at ease knowing Azriel was with her, but it was still a long wait.
Finally, Mara padded down the stairs, more subdued than normal. Cid wondered if the reason she didn't meet anyone's eyes was a vain attempt to hide the fact that her own were pink and puffy from tears, and circled by the shadows of restless nights haunted by nightmares. Yuffie realized the jacket the other girl wore wasn't one she'd seen her with before. She'd have remembered something that worn, even without the fresh tearstains on the sleeves. Vincent figured Azriel had something to do with that. Rosso was too busy wondering why this child's scream had shaken her when none had in at least a decade to even notice the jacket. But it was Barret who broke the awkward silence in his usual gruff voice. "Damn, kid, you look like hell."
"Sounds about right," she chuckled, tugging on one torn sleeve. "Sorry for worrying you…"
"What happened? Are you all right?" Tifa asked, and Mara squirmed uncomfortably.
"I… was just tired…" she answered vaguely. "I'll be fine."
"That may be true, but I still don't think you should be down on the fields," Reeve said firmly.
Mara bristled slightly, and Vincent braced himself for another explosion. But she was too tired, and her protest sounded uncertain even to her own ears. "I can take care of myself…"
"Really? Then please explain why I had to carry you back here after you passed out," Azriel growled from the stairs. Mara glanced back and winced. Her angel wore fury well, and he held her gaze intently as he descended the steps. "And last time I checked, barely eating or sleeping, and then pushing yourself so hard you collapse is not taking care of yourself." He stopped in front of her and all but glared down at her. She shrank into her jacket under his wrath, knowing it was the truth. "And neither is staying curled up in bed for a month," he added, too soft for most of the room to hear.
Mara flinched, looking like she'd been slapped. Without a word, she turned and started for the door. Azul barred her path completely, and she stopped, sighing and refusing to meet anyone's gaze. "…please…" she whispered, fist clenching. "Please… I have to do something…"
"What?" the Cerulean giant rumbled. Odd. He almost felt guilty as a tear rolled down the girl's cheek.
"I don't know, ok!" she snapped, but there was a note of defeat in her voice that, though most of them would never admit it out loud, greatly unsettled everyone present. "I just… have to be doing something, anything… I can't just sit here… I can't not help…" She was starting to hyperventilate again, and knowing she was breaking down in front of the people who'd trusted her to be stronger, her HEROES, felt like swallowing glass.
"How 'bout some fresh air," Cid suggested, steering her outside without waiting for a reply. He led her to one of the small bridges nearby, leaning back against it and lighting a cigarette. Silently, he passed it to her, and she blinked. "It'll help with the anxiety," he explained, and she nodded mutely. "But don't go makin' a habit of it, ya hear?" She nodded again, and took a tentative puff.
"It tastes horrible…" she sputtered once the fit of coughing subsided, and Cid chuckled.
"Yeah, they take getting' used to. They're kinda like whiskey though. Doesn't burn as much the second time." He lit up his own smoke and turned a contemplative stare on her while she cautiously inhaled again that was not entirely unlike the one he'd studied her with shortly after her arrival. It was like a light bulb went off then, as he remembered something she'd said back then, and he knew how to cheer her up. But before he got to that, there were things he needed to know. "So, you plan on tellin' me what's wrong, or am I gonna hafta beat it outta you?"
Mara chuckled dryly and coughed as smoke spewed out. "No offense, Cid, but your bedside manner sucks," she muttered wryly, but there was still a tiny smile on her face. It fell as her brow furrowed and she wondered how to possibly explain what was wrong with her. "I… I feel like there's… something… more… that I should be doing…" she admitted haltingly. "I don't really know what… but I know there's something… something that maybe only I can do… that I have to… and every minute I'm not doing whatever it is, it feels like… like I'm breaking inside… and… and I keep having nightmares… about the battles… only, only I see the faces, and it's my family, and my friends, and you guys, and even though I know it's not real, it feels like it and it hurts, and I don't know how to make it stop…" She was shaking again, and she didn't notice until Cid's warm hand ruffled her hair. With trembling fingers, she took another puff of her cigarette, and it helped a little.
"All'a us have nightmares now an' then. They go away with time. 'Course, that don't make it any easier to deal with 'em when you got 'em… Tell ya what, next time you have one, call me. I'll bring ya some tea and a smoke and you can tell me about it." He took a puff, and went on. "And in the meantime, if you feel like you gotta do something, you can start by coming up with some sorta energy that won't destroy the Planet."
Mara stared so long at the usually gruff pilot that her cigarette went out, but she was too shocked to notice. Finally, she pulled herself together and smiled. "Alright, you've got yourself a deal," she agreed. Maybe it would help, having someone to talk to about the nightmares… and while alternative energy wasn't really the mission she felt called to fulfill, it was a start.
A start she was all set to jump right into, but she was unanimously over-ruled by demands that she get some rest. At her indignant protests, Azriel and Vincent exchanged a look before the gunman cast Sleep. Azriel caught her before she hit the ground, and settled her on the couch under a warm blanket. She could usually handle the nightmares better when she didn't have to sleep alone, after all, and since she slept like the dead, the quiet bustling throughout the house wouldn't wake her. If anything, she slept more soundly because of it, and it was almost dinner the following day before she woke.
"Tifa left some food in the fridge for you," Azriel called from another room as she stretched. Mara didn't bother questioning how he knew she was awake, only wrapped herself in her blanket and stumbled blearily to the kitchen. Even cold, it smelled delicious, and once she'd heated it, it was heavenly. She cleaned up her empty dishes quickly once she was done, and scuttled off to take a shower before anybody showed up. It might have been blatantly avoiding running into anyone yet, but she needed some time and space to herself first. She wanted to at least be a little bit stable before she saw them again. An hour later, she stepped out of the shower, dressed in the cleanest clothes she had, and wandered downstairs to find Azriel.
It seemed her guardian angel had used his down-time to be quite productive. While she'd slept, he'd taken over the spare room and turned it into an office. She saw at least two computers buried underneath all the papers and books strewn all over the room, and her kindle was connected to one of them. At her inquisitive staring, he chuckled. "Just getting together what you'll need to start on your energy project," he explained. "And making sure all of the content is downloadable. Speaking of, grab your shoes, or we're gonna be late."
"Late for what?" Mara asked, as she grabbed her boots and pulled them on.
"You'll see when we get there, so hurry up." Mara rolled her eyes and debated throwing one of her shoes at him, but she was curious enough to avoid unnecessary delays. She stood, and Azriel wrapped an arm around her. Before she could so much as open her mouth to say anything, the world shifted, and they were standing outside the room where, not even a week ago, they'd disbanded DeepGround. She blinked. "Here," Azriel said, holding out a tissue for her, and effectively curtailing any questions she wanted to ask about their mode of transportation. Before she could ask about the tissue, he explained by pushing the door open and ushering her inside.
The room had changed a lot in just a few days. The makeshift table and varied chairs she'd brought in were gone, replaced by a plush assortment of couches and armchairs arranged in front of a wall covered by the largest computer screen Shelke could find. "Wha…?" was about all Mara could manage to say.
Tuck bounded over to her, looking rather pleased with himself. "Do you like it? We called out a search party for fluffy sofas. A lot of them we swiped from the Shinra building, and the houses down here," he gushed.
"That's… awesome… but why…?"
"Movie night…" a deep voice beside her answered, startling her.
"Vincent, seriously, I don't know how you became a ninja, but… wait, what?"
Azriel crossed his arms, a triumphant grin on his face as he answered. "We're starting a movie night, once a week." Mara gaped. 'It was their idea, actually,' he added silently. 'They wanted to cheer you up.'
Now Mara understood what the tissue was for, and she turned a watery smile on the room. "Can I please just say that you guys are all absolutely amazing?" she said, sniffling. Nanaki padded over to her as Azriel left to set the movie up. "Red? When did you get back?" she cried happily, wiping her eyes and smiling.
"Just this afternoon," the fire beast replied pleasantly, only to fall silent, glancing away as he tried to think of what to say. "… I can see why you left… and… I'm glad you did." Mara beamed at him, kneeling and giving him a big hug.
"Thanks, Nanaki. It means a lot to me to hear you say that," she whispered, scratching his ears. She stood, and Tifa brought her a glass of Corel sangria with a wink. The trailers started then, and everyone shuffled to grab a seat. Mara ended up snuggled on a couch between Vincent, and surprisingly, Reeve. She noticed Denzel and Marlene in the crowd, and hoped Azriel didn't pick a movie with too much swearing. Something clicked as she spotted the flowery handkerchief Denzel kept staring down at, and she nudged Reeve. "Hey, has Denzel talked with you at all recently…?" she asked vaguely. If the kid hadn't asked the Commissioner to join the WRO yet, she didn't want to spoil the surprise for Reeve.
Reeve chuckled, guessing astutely her reasons for hedging. "Yes, he has. To what point and purpose I suspect you already know."
"Of course," Mara admitted with a smile. "And am I correct in saying you turned him down?" Given that she'd changed enough game "canon" already, she had to check.
"You are," Reeve replied, easing some of her worries.
"Then you won't mind if I steal him, right?" She caught the alarmed look that passed Reeve's eyes, and elaborated. "I mean, you turned him down, so it won't bother you if I recruit him now, will it?"
Reeve relaxed as he remembered Mara simply had a weird way of saying things, and paused to think about it. "I think that would be a good idea, for both of you," he replied finally.
Mara smiled, and would have said more, but then the trailers ended and the movie menu popped up. She squealed delightedly as the lights dimmed, smacking Reeve and Vincent with her sleeves as she flailed. It took every ounce of restraint she had not to spend the next hour and a half reciting Ice Age, with varied results. During the ending credits, she slipped away and over to Denzel, flopping against the back of the couch and nudging his shoulder. "So, Denzel, you still interested in enlisting?" she asked lightly, but there was a slyness to the sparkle in her eyes.
The boy shrugged, and she held back a laugh as he tried not to look too disappointed. "Yeah, I guess. But Reeve said he doesn't let kids join the WRO…"
"Then why not join Feathers of Hope?" she suggested. "We're not really an army, and you're still a bit too young to join any of the fighters in the field, but we could use all the help we can get, and in a year or so, if you still want to learn how to fight, I know you could find someone there to train you." She smiled as he pondered this, and patted his shoulder. "You don't need to answer right away; just think about it, ok?"
After that, she and Azriel went back to their office, of sorts, and stayed up half the night planning out the basic structure and mission of their organization. Mara officially knighted the angel as her second in command, and he made her an armband with two crossed feathers—black and white—to denote her station as leader. She made him a paper crown with a ladybug diadem.
She slept on the couch again, stubbornly telling herself that she was not avoiding her room because she was afraid of more nightmares, and managed to get a decent, materia-free sleep. She grabbed a quick shower and a roll she ate on the way to work in the morning, and by lunch, she, Cid, and Shelke had uploaded all the resources she had onto the world-wide network. From there, they sent out a bulletin calling for any persons interested in the project to join. The next day, there were enough responses to divide the work into teams, each working on developing a different type of energy. She asked Cloud to pass a message along to Rufus Shinra, offering him a partnership. When Cloud warned her that Rufus didn't have partners, only subordinates, she only smirked, shrugging lightly before turning back to her project outlines.
Shelke was slightly unnerved when they were escorted home by a rather large pack of guard hounds, all jostling around Mara excitedly. "What…?" she asked curiously, catching the smaller girl's look.
Shelke shook her head. "It's just… unexpected… seeing monsters become playful puppies around you…"
Mara frowned thoughtfully, scratching a crimson hound's ears. "They aren't monsters… Not really… But when that's all you think of them as, then that's all they'll ever be to you. Animals… they can sense stuff like that, I think… When you treat them like they matter, they respond to it. Positively, in my experience." She paused, adding softly. "They make you feel like you matter, too…" An idea struck her like lightning then, and as soon as they reached the house, she excused herself and disappeared into the office until dawn, eagerly writing out the details.
That familiar restlessness overcame her instead of sleep as the sun rose, and before anyone could stop her, she slipped out of the house and whistled softly. The pack of guard hounds that seemed to have adopted her appeared almost instantly, whimpering and nuzzling her. Shushing them, she led them away from the residential area before letting them decide where to go on their early morning walk. That's how, an hour later, she stumbled and slid her way into an eerily familiar cavern somewhere below Midgar. Once she was sure the ground beneath her feet wouldn't crumble—again—she looked around, her pulse pounding excitedly in her ears. Her eyes had barely landed on a shimmer of blue when a shockwave of electricity reverberated throughout the cavern. She wasn't sure at that point if it was instinct or the weird, pulsing energy that drove her to her knees, but either way, when she lifted her head again, it was over.
Breathless from more than adrenaline, she gaped across the small pond at the man she'd just unintentionally awoken. He rose slowly from his crouch, his piercing blue gaze instantly catching hers. He stalked toward her with a gait that was purely predatory, and a small part of her brain registered that he was walking on water, but the rest of it was scrambling to make sense of this seemingly impossible scenario. "G-genesis…?" she whispered, blinking up at the former SOLDIER in awe from her seat on the ground. He paused, a glimmer of curiosity in his eyes as he studied her from only a few feet away.
"And who might you be…?" he asked, voice lilting, but carrying an unmistakable undercurrent of "dangerous".
Cautiously, Mara forced herself to her feet. "I might be someone who can help you…" she replied.
After a hasty explanation of the rather unique circumstances that had brought her there, a quick overview of Feathers of Hope, and a rather belated introduction, Genesis was beginning to think maybe this girl really could help him, somehow…
Mara's phone rang then, and she answered it with a cringe, expecting one of her friends or another to start in on her about running off in the middle of the night. Hence her look of alarm when Azul sharply told her to "Hurry up. There's a situation." He gave her the location and hung up, leaving her staring at a blank phone while her heart hammered painfully in her chest. A moment later, she pulled herself together, clenching her phone in her fist before returning it to her pocket. "Sorry, Genesis, I have to go," she said, voice tense as she gave him a short nod and began clambering her way back to the streets.
He stared after her for a moment, locked in an internal debate, and then with a sigh, he followed. "You'll have to give me directions," he warned her, then scooped her up and launched himself into the air. To Mara's credit, she didn't scream this time, but she did latch onto his coat in a grip so tight her knuckles were completely white.
"Thanks," she said, though she wasn't sure he could hear her over the wind rushing through their ears. Louder, she steered him toward the place Azul had told her. She swore as they neared it. Already, she could see the huge crowd gathered around the northern work site, and they did not sound happy. She spotted Azul toward the back of the group from Feathers, and Barret shouting at the angry mob, and the workers themselves spread out between them. Body language alone told her that while the crowd may have only been throwing insults—so far—they were harsh enough to hurt. A few of the former soldiers looked angry too, but there was a frailty in it that brought tears to her eyes. And a wave of rage so hot it burned. Genesis landed near Azul, and Mara didn't even bother with questioning the Cerulean as she jumped down and stalked toward the rabble that had unwittingly unleashed the fury of the Dragoness. A deadly smile played across her face as she neared them and the crowd's clamor faded quickly at her approach, like rabbits hiding while the wolf hunts. "What seems to be the problem, gentlemen?" she asked sweetly, though there was enough venom in that last word to poison an elfadunk.
There was quiet shuffling among the assembled crowd, and finally someone a few rows back shouted, "Those monsters started a war!" A few people cheered in agreement, and Mara had to dig her nails into her palms to keep her control.
"Those men," she corrected shortly, "risked their lives to end it. Which is a lot more than I can say of any of you. You're just a fat lot of cowards who can only act brave in a group. A bunch of bullies banding together to pick on people who won't hit back."
There were shouted protests at this, everyone listing off Deep Ground's "offenses against the people", calling them monsters and freaks, demanding they be killed before they murdered everyone in their beds. The few in the front fell silent as Mara's eyes flashed blue, and the air around her crackled with electricity. Her wrist glowed red, and though she spoke softly, her voice rumbled and echoed with the roar of dragons. "Silence! Fools, all of you. You don't know anything, and yet you stand here preaching justification for mindless violence. YOU are far more the monsters. Yes, those men killed. They killed because they had no other choice. Do you know what Deep Ground actually was? It was a facility set up as a way to quietly get rid of the military staff Shinra could no longer use, to give the science department someplace to discard all manner of moral and ethical limitations, and it was given the cover of a hospital for SOLDIERS wounded in action, fighting for the company that was supposed to be looking out for them. They were monitored by Restrictors who had no qualms about beating their subordinates, to the point of death most often, for no other reason than they had a bad day. If you attempted to disobey—which was made nigh impossible by way of transmitter chips—then you'd be tortured brutally before they granted you the freedom of dying.
"And despite ALL of that, they risked EVERYTHING to bring an end to a war they wanted no part of to begin with. They turned their backs on everything they knew to help piece this broken world back together. They've walked through HELL, and still they manage to trust, to HOPE. THAT is real bravery." Mara glanced back at the soldiers who'd gathered behind her, waiting with bated breath. "They are the Feathers of Hope, each and every one of them." The anger faded, replaced with pride in her men, what they'd struggled to overcome, and what they stood for. "They're fighting to find a place that any can call home. They're doing everything they can to give this world a future where no one has to suffer the atrocities they survived. Now, you can either help us, or you can get out of my work zone." She turned on her heels and walked off, pausing as she passed Barret. "See to it that anyone who stays, works." Barret chuckled and clapped his hand over his metal prosthetic in agreement. She nodded gratefully to him, then slipped off, needing some space to cool her head.
Genesis found her in an old church, sitting cross-legged beside a patch of flowers growing where the altar had once been, and leaning back against a sword he hadn't seen in years. "Watch the pool," she called as he walked toward her, not taking her eyes off the paper she was writing on. He stopped and glanced down, only then realizing that there was indeed a pool there, and he'd almost walked straight in. He skirted it, wondering why watching the sparkles dancing on the surface made him uneasy. "I have a couple of favors to ask you," she said, looking up as he neared her, and there was a fierce spark of resolve in her eyes that hadn't been there before. He tilted his head, curious. "I need you to deliver this letter to Cloud for me. But first… I need you to take me to Minerva."
Ok, when she said favors, neither of those things were what came to mind… "What…?"
"I need to talk with Minerva. I have a feeling she's waiting for me, but I don't know where to find her, and even if I did, I couldn't get there by myself. Please, Genesis… I have to know if there's a way to heal the scars. I can't change the past, but maybe, with her help, I can make it hurt a little less…"
"…Even if the Goddess can grant such gifts… there's no knowing how steep the price will be…" he warned, crossing his arms and scrutinizing the young woman seated before him.
Mara met his gaze unflinchingly. "Whatever it is, it can't be worse than sitting here, knowing I might be able to help, and not even trying."
He should think she was mad, talking about an impossible quest that could quite possibly kill her should she attempt it, but there was something that made him think that she could pull it off. After all, she'd woken him… Maybe this was his chance. Maybe Minerva had sent this girl to him, or sent him to her, so they could both achieve their impossible dreams. "…Alright. Get a jacket. It's a long flight."
A/N: Right, then. I am terribly pleased to announce the Dirge of Cerberus story arc officially complete, and the next story arc begins in earnest in Chapter 30. It has now been three years, a week, and some odd hours since the first chapter of Brevity was finished and posted, and not only has it come further than any other story I've ever written, it's come further than I ever dreamed possible. And I could not have made it this far without every single one of you out there. This chapter is dedicated especially to: VampireOnFire, MindAlchemist, Lurking Beneath, white-monarch, Yitani East, Kairi-loves-Sushi, AnnAisu, Wingsong5555, Lady Icicle, kenegi, City of Dis, twilight-yuna17, evilly-innocent, loveless an the living fantasy, Dontgotaclue88, mercenarybunny, Nightshade07, Sadfru, , Anju Styx, Blackday23, CrimsonLaurana, DamonMaddox, FRAODD, HammerOfZeeGods, Malkavian-Acts, Mr. Jay black, OnlyXAlie, Slider Eclipse, The resident cat, The Three Kings, the1990surge, una9641, XxDailyDreamxX, bobbinbird, findthetiger129, Lucaila, misaki34, nekuromansa000, nutshell87, Ryu-Tyrrant, and Raining Moon Song. Thank you all, and I'll see you in chapter 30! ;)
