Bella, 2006

I put the alarm on snooze. It wasn't needed since I hardly slept anymore. I couldn't remember the last time I had a good eight hours of sleep. I kept lying here wishing any pain I felt away and cursing the day I fell in love.

Things would be perfect if none of this had happened.

If Jamie hadn't taken the Whitlock assignment, and eventually killed on said assignment, then I would have to come here. I wouldn't have to see Jasper again. I wouldn't have to know him beyond the last time I had seen and chosen to forget him because it was too painful to remember.

My secret. One I wondered if my own brother had known. One I wondered why Jasper never brought up in our time together since he was there. The secret I had chosen to push to the back of my mind until now. It had weaved its way to the forefront of my mind these last few days alone out here, forcing me to remember Jasper. Remember where I met my brown haired demon for the first time.

You see, Jasper and I know each other. And it was something we both apparently have been lying to everyone about. We had met before.

I took his case because I was determined to bring Jamie's killers to justice or make them pay by my own brand of justice for the pain they had brought to the Swan household. When I walked into his office that day, I was there to catch and punish the fucker who took my brother from me, but that wasn't where I had met Jasper Whitlock.

I smiled now when I remember him looking at me as if he had never seen me before. He played everyone so well. Including my amnesiac ass.

What had happened to me, causing Jasper to come to my rescue, were circumstances I had chosen to forget.

Carmen knew though. After all, she was there. The unfortunate of the situation was her obsession with me. After getting me out of there, Carmen became enamored with me and sought to keep me as her plaything because in her twisted mind, I would be happy with her. She was so strong in her conviction as my savior, she chose to omit Jasper from even her own memory when it came to remembering who rescued me from the Mendez family after Banner had abandoned me on the assignment, leaving me stuck in the pit of the devil himself as his toy.

I guess Banner thought it would be fun lesson for me seeing as I didn't give it up to him, I was sure to give it up to a notorious savage of a man dressed in a fine suit with the all the makings of an eloquent gentleman.

Rodrigo Mendez was no gentleman and he had made it his duty to prove that to me. I had to get out before I died. I couldn't die there at the hands of that psychopath.

When Carmen arrived with her small army and when she stumbled upon me in one of the bedrooms, tied to the bedpost in nothing but a black bra and panties, she had to 'save' me.

But it wasn't her when who stood out to me. It wasn't her eyes that caught my attention and called out to me from the haze I was under. It was Jasper's.

He was the one who stormed in and freed me. When Carmen saw the opportunity to shed blood, she took it and her and her army devoured the Mendez family, but it was Jasper who helped me take down Rodrigo Mendez.

It was Jasper who persuaded Carmen to let me go and it was him who found a way to get word to Charlie on where to locate me.

I remember everything now. I remember being in his arms as he delivered me to the point where my father would collect me in that desert. I remember the scent of him. I remember how safe I felt in his arms. And the look in his eyes as he turned and walked away, leaving me there to wait for my dad.

It bugged me that he didn't say anything to me after I showed up at his club with my memory completely void of him. Why didn't he? What about when we got close, why didn't he say anything then? What about when I fell in love with him and went as far as to admit it to him? He didn't think that was a good time to ask me why I never said anything about where we had really met.

Why didn't he say shit? It didn't matter now. He saved me then. And I chose to forget. Now it was my turn to save him.

I got up and took a shower. It was another day of planning. I needed to find a way to get to Alexei. I was going to teach him a lesson for what he had done to Char. For what he caused Peter to do. I never got to know them well, but they were Jasper's family and he loved them. That was all I needed to know.

After my shower, I got dressed and left my room with a knife strapped to my right leg and a gun in my hand with the safety off. I was ready if any motherfucker decided to try anything today. Just because things seemed peaceful didn't mean shit. There was always calm before a storm.

I walked into the gym. I went over to the treadmill. Before I got on, I dialed her number and she answered on the second ring. There was no need for introduction. Leah knew why I was calling her.

"He's still asleep. I'm actually standing over his drunken ass thinking about dumping cold water on him. He needs to stop this shit and get back on track."

I smiled at her forwardness. It was weird to me how Leah and I were becoming fast friends. I don't know how it happened but it did and I was glad. I found that I could talk to her without feeling like a horrible person. She understood my darkness and liked that my thoughts were just a little deranged sometimes. She got it when I confessed to her that I felt more like a killer instead of the protector I should be.

Leah understood. She told me it was okay. I liked how she knew what to say without a fucking speech. Just a few words and send you on your way. It was Leah's style and it was very effective.

"Don't. He's just dealing with things."

"Damn." She commented with a chuckle.

"What?" I asked.

"You sound like the perfect mob wife?"

I chuckled. "How so?"

"You're willing to believe your little devil is an angel."

I liked her logic. "Yeah." We were silent for a minute. "I'll call you later."

"Later."

We hung up.

I got on the treadmill just as Carlisle walked into the gym. We didn't speak. Just a nod to acknowledge each other's presence and that was it.

I turned the treadmill on and started walking then running. I was running. Mentally and physically. I was preparing my escape because this wasn't the way things should be. I wasn't a good person. I didn't deserve the things I was getting. Especially not the love of a man who was torn and overprotective, but willing to save me. Despite what was happening between us, Jasper wouldn't go back on his word. He would save me.

And since I knew the sacrifice he was willing to make, I was going to go ahead and decide for him by not letting him do it.

If he wanted to help his family, that was fine. But he wouldn't be sacrificing himself for me. I loved him too much now to let him.

I ran faster as I made my decision. No one would know. I would just act. I owed no one an explanation.

By the time I stopped running, I was alone. I picked up my phone and my towel. I wiped my sweaty face in the towel then read the new text message I had.

Still waiting for light. Beehive safer than Poison Oak.

I laughed and shook my head at my dad's stubbornness before deleting the message. The phone was Leah's. She had given it to me so I could reach her. Dad was just showing off. He knew I was at the house and Jasper with me. He was showing me he had him under surveillance. It was funny how he could watch him but he refused to help me save him.

My dad was insane if he really thought I was going anywhere near Alice and not kill her for betraying Jamie to Banner. I would be leaving all of this behind, but I wasn't going to them.

I left the gym and made my way to the kitchen. Edward was in here making breakfast.

"Can I have some?"

He turned away from the stove with a frying pan filled with scrambled eggs and smiled. "Only if you're a good girl."

"I'm the best there is." I smiled back.

He gave me a hefty helping of eggs and waffles before we sat down to have breakfast together. We got to talking. Like Leah, her boyfriend was just as easy to speak to. Edward understood his family and his own place in it. He knew Jasper really well and I found myself coyly trying to see if he knew about Jasper saving me from the Mendez family those years ago.

Did he know we were lying all this time about not knowing each other until we had initially met?

Edward didn't know. From what he had said, he knew about Carmen and Jasper messing around in the past and sometimes Jasper would go down to Mexico to see her. He found them to be kindred in a way due to each being a horrific monster when they wanted to drive fear into their enemies. And Edward also pointed out Jasper being good at hiding things so who knew?

How could something this big happen and he shared it with no one. What about Leah or Carlisle? I damn sure knew he said nothing to his father or brother. Neither one of them showed any recollection of knowing of me until they met me and eventually found out about me being FBI. Someone had to have known. Did he really keep it to himself?

Leah must know. She was always with him. She was his chief bodyguard. She went everywhere he did. Yet, when she first met me, she too looked at me like it was the first time she was seeing me.

What about my own brother? Since Jamie did find out about Aro being my father, he must have found out about Jasper's heroics when it came to me. He was always so angry about not being able to save me from the Mendez family before they had done any damage.

He was too late.

I was beyond repair when I got home.

I still thought I was.

This was why I saw these turn of events with Jasper and I being a sign. Even if I didn't fully believe in that shit. It was a fucking sign. I wasn't meant to be happy.

I have fallen for a man I won't have time with. I would have to stand against far more than my father to justify us. That in itself wasn't a problem because I didn't really give a fuck what people thought. But still, it sucked.

There was also Emmett or even my own sister, Rosalie. What about my dad? Did Charlie know?

And as I thought the names of who might know about Jasper and me. I found the answer. He had told me. He had said it. He told me he didn't have to worry about Jasper, because he had me.

I left Edward after breakfast because this shit you thought about when you were alone. So I retreated to my bedroom where I took another shower and changed into jeans and a top with my combat boots while keeping my weapons near.

Peter had known. That was the person Jasper told and he said it to me the night he killed himself. The answer had been staring me in the face. Peter knew he could entrust Jasper's life to me. He knew I would protect his best friend the way Jasper had helped me in the past.

All this time, the answers had lain with Peter. Jasper trusted him like a brother. And Peter would not have given Jasper up. So he had known about me. And still, they let me in.

With Peter gone, the only person who could confirm my findings was Jasper. He was the one with all the answers. But how? We hadn't seen much less spoken to each other in weeks.

I called again. Leah said it was okay. I heard screaming in the background. She said it was Jasper and Michael. Their father's birthday was coming up and he wanted a party. It would be held at Jasper's club which Jasper was vehemently against it.

I didn't bother to call for the rest of the day. I spent that time thinking of how good it would be to actually have Nicky Whitlock's birthday party at the club. Since I knew New Moon Lounge like the back of my hand from scoping the place out when I was actually on assignment to take Jasper down. I could get in and out of every entry and exit in that place in my deepest sleep without anyone knowing.

This might be the perfect opportunity I need to grab Alexei. But I had to get in while being unrecognizable to anyone there.

I knew the perfect way.

Jasper would have to hold a masquerade ball in honor of his father's birthday. And since I already had the tools I needed to show Alexei the final time of his life before sending him on his way to hell, all I needed now was the right dress.

The rest of my day was spent finding the right place to take Alexei so we could converse. Edward came in handy there. He had the perfect place. It was one of the places Leah liked to use for interrogations and otherwise. I was so happy I almost kissed Edward and promised to kiss Leah when I saw her. He said he was looking forward to seeing it. I was too fucking giddy to hit him over the head for the comment. His girl was the best! She actually had a place or two where to take bastards and torture the crap out of them. Leah was just about my favorite person right now.

I forwent calling her the next morning when I woke up around four am. Instead I braved it and dialed his number.

"What?" he answered.

I didn't speak.

"What?" he said again.

A side of me just wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to talk. I don't know why I didn't.

"Fine. Go fuck yourself," he said and then there was clattering and the call was disconnected.

I sighed and went about my morning the way I had since he left. By later in the day, I talked to Leah, deciding I would never call him again, and she told me he had thrown his phone away because I woke him from his drunken sleep this morning. She asked if I wanted to talk to him, and I refused.

Instead I spoke to her about Nicky Whitlock and gave her my idea for a masquerade ball in honor of his birthday, asking her to pass it along to Jasper.

I knew Leah wanted to ask about how I knew, but she chose to go against her own inquisitiveness and let it be.

Speaking to Jasper now would have derailed me. What I was about to do wouldn't work if I was longing for him. The road I was about to take had no emotions on it. Just the execution. There was no room for feelings. And I was sure he would agree.

Just not with the outcome since that would require me going back to being the old me.

It would be for the best as that girl had it right all along. There was no happy ending for people like me.

Jasper, 2006

We drove to my club because I had three days to plan this party. It was going to be a hard fucking venture to do without the two people I used to depend on to help me with these types of shit.

I was sure of myself though. And seeing as I was a charming fucker, with lots of help at his disposal, I was sure I could get this done. Especially since I was planning it for more reasons than one.

The party would give me the perfect cover I needed to grab Alexei Chekov since him and his father and brother, Sergei, would be in attendance.

Leah and Simon followed me up to the office. I stopped at the bar, grabbing two bottles of water from Maloney, surprising him and Leah. I shrugged off their looks of shock and went about my business.

Enough was enough. If I was going to get this bastard, I couldn't do it while lying down drunk off my ass somewhere moping about the loss of my friends. I had to get up, stop being a fool and avenge them. I had to show these motherfuckers just who they were fucking with. Remind them of the beast they were dealing with. I was Jasper fucking Whitlock and they were never going to forget it.

There were things people didn't know about me. Secrets I held about being the monster I was. Truths that would shock even the woman I loved.

Peter had known one truth. The one about Bella. It had surprised me when we met in my office when she came in there under the 'guise of wanting a job, but was really there on assignment from the FBI, that she had forgotten me. I tried not to let my surprise show and Peter's warning looks kept me from slipping. It was unbelievable. Bella had truly wiped me from her memory.

Then again with what was done to her by the Rodrigo and his brother and whoever else, I didn't blame her for wanting to forget so I selfishly went along with it. And then as we progressed into more, it all became the wrong time to tell her. To bring up the past and remind her of the horrible things she endured just to get her to remember me. So every time we were together afterward, I had to look into her eyes and lie, hoping she would call me out on it. Telling me she had finally remembered.

I don't want that anymore. It was too hard on her. That girl. That agent when I saved her. When I carried her out in my arms, she was broken. Some remnants of her remain in Bella. I heard it in her voice when she told me she loved me. I knew Bella thought she didn't deserve love but she was wrong so it was time to face her. It was time for Bella to remember. I don't know what was going to happen so I couldn't waste the time I had.

My day progressed as I planned and though I was going to see Bella, I had told myself so repeatedly, I chickened out at the last minute.

There was something going on between Leah and Bella. Leah had puzzled me earlier after Simon had left the office and she walked in with the idea of a ball for Pop's birthday. She said it was Bella's suggestion for a masquerade ball.

I fucking loved that woman! How did she know? Never mind that, it was a good fucking idea so I went with it and started planning for the masquerade party I would hold in Pop's honor here in my club, three days from now.

Two days passed and I still haven't spoken to Bella, but she still called Leah to check up on me.

Plans for the masquerade were coming along nicely. Pop was happy with it. Michael loved it. And I was planning the slow and torturous way I was going to end Alexei. I hadn't had a spot of whiskey since making the connection of him being Char's killer. I didn't need the distraction.

Leah walked into my office. "Want anything to eat?"

I didn't look up from the document in my hand. "What time is it?"

"Lunch."

"I'm good."

She left the office.

I continued to go over the records. I still had two businesses to run. I took calls about the masquerade ball and directed the event planner, Heidi, on what to do. I didn't come up for air until around four pm. I was beat and felt hungry but there was one place I needed to go. It had been on my mind all day. I couldn't shake it.

I left the club on my own, jumping into my car and peeling out of my parking space. I knew Leah was trailing me even though she kept her distance; giving me the space I needed to do this.

When I pulled up to the house, I sat in my car for a while, deciding whether to head inside or not. I had every reason to. I had an apology to get out of the way. And I wanted to blurt out a truth that had been gnawing at me since Bella walked into my life.

I got out of the car and began to make my way to the door when it opened. I half expected it to be Bella. And my deluded mind had even conjured up the thought of her being happy to see me; running and jumping into my arms and telling me how much she missed me.

It didn't happen.

Edward was standing there.

I didn't have to ask.

"She's gone."