Welcome to this fanfic's reboot! It's going to be a bit complicated, but I hope it will be worth the wait and trouble.

As I mentioned earlier, the problem I have with updating this fanfic here is because of the formatting limitations; because in this story, the formatting has become more than just a means for aesthetics; it's actually almost become a plot device as well, in some cases! So... I decided I will keep updating the reboot version here, but it will only be updated here as a means of giving you a preview, and letting my followers know that a new chapter is available. I HIGHLY recommend you read the PDF version of the fanfic (link available above and/or below this line), because it WILL give you a much more agreeable reading experience.

That being said, of course you do whatever you want. Just... Please know that reading the fanfic without the formatting MAY bring a lot of confusion as to what's going on.

How to read a WAY more readable version of the new fanfic:

NEVER MIND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PUT THE LINK HERE UGH. The link to the AO3 version of the fanfic is available in the Summary/Description of this fanfic. Don't ask me why I was able to put it there but not in this chapter, I have no idea.
Due to the formatting limitations of this site, even putting links is nearly impossible. While I wouldn't care too much about posting my fanfics here, this specific fanfic has a lot of formatting originally put into it, and this formatting is sometimes mandatory in order to better understand what's going on in the story. As such, the AO3 version (accessible through the link above) offers more proper links towards the original chapters, the way they appeared within my original document, as PDF files that you can read online all you want.

Formatting changes introduced by the PDF version include:
- Fonts for the characters and for other proper uses.
- Color is used in some parts of the text when useful. This effect is used sparingly, but most of the moments when it IS used are much more intuitively understood when the color is in use.
- Images when useful or needed (for example, chat logs and discussions will show the users' avatars)
- The width of paragraphs is modified depending on the type of paragraph it is. This may not seem like it's much for now, but I believe it makes the chapters a lot more readable, and... This may actually better help understand some plot points, to be honest.
- And other changes could always appear.


Learn When to Quit

— Act I —

Don't Let Him Find Out

— Scene 3.2 —


"So… What were y-you doing outside?"

It had only taken a split second after the human's appearance to notice that the hoodie she was wearing was not originally hers; and right after Sans had left, it seemed that the human in question had finally been reminded of that fact, as Alphys watched her remove it and slightly blush in embarrassment. She sort of acted like a scared child or animal after being caught doing something they knew they should have refrained from doing, as if she were surprised, but not that much, that she was now given The Stare in response to her misdeeds. This was the look of the cat witnessing their owner come back home, and who watched warily yet guiltily because the owner was blocking its only exit and the cat was anticipating the moment the owner would notice what exactly it had done with the curtains in the living room.

Alphys liked cats. She wished she could have one, but sadly she could only know of them from how they were depicted in her favorite anime and other shows. From what she knew, these creatures were adorable, but sneaky and treacherous. And incredibly self-centered.

… Looks like they're stuck on the awkward train. Great.

Honestly, it was beyond her how Sans had not even made the slightest remark about having her take some of his belongings without asking for his permission. Maybe he really just did care that little about letting her do whatever she pleases. And part of her wanted to do the same, especially since she knew the context and kept trying to remind herself that this human was not supposed to be that dangerous… But then again, how could they know that for sure?

The human gave her a nervous and somewhat guilty look, and then immediately went to put the jacket neatly on the coatrack next to the entry door — probably the exact place where she had originally found it. Alphys tried to stay on guard… But it seemed that, at least, what Sans had said was true. This human had some proper manners. There was that.

"I finished cleaning about thirty minutes ago. At first I thought I'd just wait for Sans to come back, but… This place just feels too sad and weird when nobody's there." she finally answered, a sheepish and shy smile trembling on her face. Totally a cat thing to do. "So I just borrowed a jacket and left a note on the TV in case he came back while I was out. I just thought I'd go take a walk in a place where it's… normal to feel lonely."

Alphys thought briefly of the places that could possibly fit this description and wouldn't have required anyone to teleport in order to effectively reach them in a reasonable amount of time.

"You mean Waterfall?" she asked, lifting a not-amused eyebrow.

Dawn bit her bottom lip, averting the lizard's gaze but soon nodding tensely. "Yeah. That was the plan at first, but then I realized it'd take much longer than I had planned, so… So I turned around before I actually reached it."

The reasoning was sound, and she looked perfectly honest, albeit a bit too shy for Alphys to completely disregard the possibility that she might be hiding something from her. But judging from her general demeanor… Yes, it still seemed more likely that this human was restraining her movements and carefully choosing her words because of a kind yet somewhat awkward intent to appear as harmless as possible in order to break the ice as much as she could, more than because of something that would truly be malice.

"This place is a lot bigger than I anticipated… I would've loved to keep going at least until I reached the beginning of Waterfall, I always wondered what it'd look like in real life— it already looks gorgeous in the game… B-but I didn't want Sans to worry. I'm sure he's already got a lot on his mind, and he's already been through so much… the last thing I'd want to do is bring him even more trouble."

The human was not looking at anything anymore. She seemed to talk just for the sake of saying more things. Maybe there was that hope that the more she talked and said things to make herself look harmless and nice, the more she would manage to overcome the awkwardness.

She was still being very careful with her words, either because she wanted to be sure that she would not accidentally say something that would upset her due to her knowledge of specifically intimate details regarding her and the other 'characters' of that video game, or because she wanted to look as innocent and gentle as possible until the right moment to attack was found. It looked more and more like the former, thankfully; but then again, what exactly was the difference between the two? The body language would be identical, since in both cases the goal was the same: make her interlocutor lower her guard.

"It is true, then. You really do know everything there is to know about this place." The scientist's look hardened warily. "Everything there is to know about us personally."

"W-well… Y-y-yeah. I'm… sorry?"

Ugh. Will you two just get this over with already.

The monster shook her head heavily without looking at her, mumbling under her breath that there was no point in apologizing about this sort of thing and that they should just go to the kitchen because she should eat her dinner and since they were about to have a long chat anyway then she preferred to have the possibility to sit down. Dawn did not find anything to say in order to either agree or object with her, so she merely followed her guidance and took a seat on the opposite side of the table.

She still wasn't feeling hungry enough yet, so the size of the sandwich intimidated her just a bit; however, the pleasant smell certainly made her want to at least give it a try.

Besides, hey! This was her chance to taste some monster food, wasn't it?

As it turned out, at least at first, this really tasted mostly like regular food— only one real difference was noticeable. There was this slight tingling sensation in her mouth, almost like some small sparks of static electricity, even though it really was different than that…

Strangely enough, it did not feel nearly as uncomfortable as her words made it sound like, way on the contrary; it was almost like a fifth taste that her body was not naturally able to feel or interpret correctly, and due to her inability to feel this taste properly, her brain was simply making up some kind of mystical impulse in order to grasp its nature as best as it could.

The taste of magic, probably. How stupid does that sound, ha.

The strangest part was when, as she swallowed, she literally felt the entirety of what she had intuitively assumed to be fully solid matter… dissolve into thin air, somewhere between her throat and her stomach. Oh well, part of her had actually been somewhat expecting this from what had been theorized by the fandom anyway.

When she raised her eyes and noticed that Alphys was still there and watching her in complete silence, she tried to thank her with a warm smile— but the scientist merely answered that Sans had been the one responsible for bringing it in the first place. Awkward.

"Do you… want some?" the human asked tentatively, handing the sandwich closer to her.

"I already had dinner. Thanks."

Welp. She really was not making it easy to build a constructive conversation, was she?

Did she do something wrong? Was it because she was a human? Was it because she was a complete stranger to her but just so happened to know everyone already because of a game? Was it because she was the 'Anomaly' responsible for the Resets…?

Just do something to break the ice already, geez!

Admittedly, since Sans had proven to forgive her and all the other players so easily… She had sort of assumed that everyone else would either not know about the situation, or be even more okay with it than he had been. If anyone had the most rights to feel hurt and angry at them, it had to be him; the fact that Alphys would give her the cold shoulder like that… She really had not expected anything like this.

Then again, if Alphys of all characters people was acting like this… It had to mean that she had been hurt as well. Even if she was not sure by what exactly, she at least had a list of guesses.

"L-look, I'm… I'm pretty sure saying that will mean nothing by now, but…"
She inhaled sharply in order to increase her confidence and look more serious when she raised her grave eyes towards her. "I'm really sorry for what the game's been doing to all of you. Whether in this timeline or in the other ones…"

"It's okay." she answered, but she was avoiding her look. "I… I know you probably wouldn't have done something like this if you knew. You wouldn't have gone to… that extent, at least."

"Everybody here is so sweet. Of course nobody in their right minds would want to wish pain or death on people like you." Dawn murmured with a sad smile. "I'm glad Sans found a way to end it and give you a true happy ending." She paused, but eventually added with a brighter smile: "All of you."

"We… we're not there yet."

"Ha, ha… Sorry, you're right. Sans said it'd take a few weeks…" And honestly? The wait had to be unbearable. How hard had it to feel like to be stuck in a Near-Genocide ending where everyone they cared about was long dead, just so they could save them later…? There was nothing to worry about because they would succeed; but this was so unfair nonetheless… "I wish everyone could be here with us. I know it won't even matter in the end because the Reset will bring them back, but I still wish they could be alive and well right now, and…"

The human let her last sentence linger on the tip of her tongue as, when she raised her bittersweet gaze towards the lizard, she lost both her nostalgic smile and her words.

"And what?" Alphys asked coldly, as her harsh yet conflicted and shy look behind her glasses would dare scold nothing but the floor. "That you could've "befriended" them? This is what you're all interested in, isn't it? To finally get to meet them too?"

Before the human could find the energy and words to move her lips in a coherent way, she found it in her to raise her eyes. The way she was glaring… A lot of words could have tried to describe it individually, without quite grasping its deepest intent. This glare was stern, but not aggressive; hurtful, but not mean-spirited.

"I know this must be hard in your specific situation, but you need to get real." she added after just a split second, with a mystical tone that entirely fit with the meaning behind her eyes. Mysterious and full of wonder… but ruthless. "You're not the self-insert protagonist from a cheesy fanfiction, so stop acting like it. We're not prizes you get when you complete "side-quests" in a game."

She gaped. "O-of course you're not! I-I know you're real too, now. And that's exactly because you're real that…"

The lizard only spat a morose, yet bitter cackle. "You never met them.
Why are you so interested in being their friends? Because you know them from the game? Because we're "celebrities" in your world? Because if anyone ever believes you when you're back in your world, you'll get to brag about it?"

"What— No!"

"Then why? If you're so sure, then why are you so interested in helping random strangers who basically just ripped you from everything you've ever known, including your own universe?!" Alphys's outburst struck like thunderbolt. "If your reason is not because you'd "already know us" from the video game, then I don't want to know how long your naivety would've lasted in the hands of any other criminals."

"You— you're not criminals!" the human jerked, offended and heart-struck.

"And what tells you that?!" she shrieked. "You've seen us for hardly a few hours! You don't know us!"

A long silence fell. When she felt her limbs start to shake, Alphys realized that, in the heat of the moment, she had stood up in a jolt; yet, she decided to stay perfectly still and watch.

Soon, she noticed exactly what kind of face was hiding on the opposite side of the table.

Hiding, indeed. The human had left her seat, as she was now almost entirely made invisible due to her hiding spot between the chair and the table, with just the top half of her head still daring to sneak its way above the table. The only reason this half head was still sticking out was probably out of nothing but mere courtesy, as the turmoil roaring in her eyes contained a deluge of emotions, none of which could raise her confidence or reassure her from the thunderstorm raging right in front of her.

Alphys slowly realized that she had unintentionally let her magic out.

From a monster's perspective, this kind of behavior was rarely ever considered to be something to be truly reckoned with. In most cases, a monster's inability to control their magic when overwhelmed by emotions was undeniable evidence of this monster's inexperience when it came to actually handling their magic in a precise and calculated way; the fact that no real bullets were present only proved Alphys's lack of power and actual intent.

Still; seeing the look on the human's face, one did not need to know much about her species' culture to deduce that they definitely did not see this situation under the same perspective.

Besides, Alphys knew the basics of human biology and electricity's effects on their body; she doubted her ridicule sparks could be truly harmful unless she were to put her all into them, but she guessed that they probably looked intimidating enough as they were.

The scientist immediately lost the scowl on her muzzle and slowly went back to sitting at the kitchen table, slightly trembling. The air kept crackling with little white sparks for a few more seconds, but they soon died down when the curvy spines in the back of her head gradually deflated back to their usual position. She kept blinking forcedly a few more times, until the electric color in her eyes calmed down as well.

"I… I-i'm sorry I lashed out like this. I had a long day." she muttered apologetically. "I'm sorry I scared you. I lost it a little, but, I'm not actually going to hurt you. I promise."

The human waited for one more second, just to ensure that everything had calmed down enough; but soon, she gulped and slowly but surely made her way back on her seat.

"I-I never thought you'd…" She shook her head immediately, nervously interrupting her sentence. "S-sorry, that's not how I should put it… What I wanted to say was…" She stopped again; she tried to turn a few words in her mind, but sadly, only one conclusion could be drawn after she achieved almost a full minute of silence. "… There really isn't any way I can make it sound like I wasn't about to compare you with how you're depicted in the game. I'm sorry."

"It's… I-it's okay." Alphys repeated one more time, sighing. "I'm sure you can't help it, especially if you've known the game for a while. How long does it make for you?"

"O-oh, uh… I-it must've been a bit less than half a year by now. I think." Dawn took a short moment to reminisce the details. "I mean, I knew it existed before that, since my best friend kept telling me about it until I gave in and asked her what it was about. She'd even started chatting about it at school, of all times. That's just how determined she was." She paused to repress a little chuckle, mumbling humorously for herself: "Ha. Determined."

Alphys froze, then blinked in what appeared to be a mixture between shock and very slow, horror-inducing realization. "S-school…?"

Dawn rose a confused face with wide eyes. "Oh, yeah. I'm in high school. You… know what it is, right? Do you guys have a different education system or…?"

"N-no, but, I just…" She was fidgeting. "How o-old are you…?"

"… Fifteen?"

This single word appeared to have the same effect as lightning. Alphys's muzzle trembled in an even more nervous way than before, to such extent that her glasses seemed to fall out. She buried her head in her clawed hands, her elbows heavily resting on the table.

"… You're just a teenager. You're not wearing stripes so I just assumed, but… Oh God. I'm talking existential crisis material with a kid. And I lashed out."

… Apparently she had assumed that she was a lot older than she really was. This fact confused Dawn even further at first, because strangers sometimes mistook her for a twelve-year-old, but never for an adult. However, she soon remembered just how much monsters knew about humans in the first place— that was to say, hardly anything. She would have expected Alphys to know the difference due to her watching so much anime, but then again… Maybe she just didn't know how to compare voluntarily exaggerated drawings with their real life counterparts.

Part of her felt a little offended that the lizard would call her a kid in the exact way she was saying it, but then again, she had to admit that this whole talk they had was, for the most part, flying over her head, or just giving her a headache. She could understand that Alphys had been hurt because of the video game being real, but… What was that thing about "prizes" all about?
She just wanted to get to know these guys better and have the chance to potentially be their…

Oh, that was it, wasn't it? That thing about befriending them just for… the 'pride' of getting to know famous, magic 'characters' that everybody thought to be fictional but who eventually turned out to be real. The 'pride' of saying that you knew a celebrity personally, times ten.

She wasn't doing it for pride, was she? These guys were real. They had their own lives. All she wanted was to… What was she doing it for? If she had been kidnapped by any other kinds of magical creatures like aliens she didn't know, or whom she would have known beforehand to be hostile, would she have reacted the same way? Absolutely not.

… Maybe Alphys had a point.

"I… I was just surprised, don't worry. It's alright if you needed to get some stuff out of your chest, too. I'm sure it must've been hard for you to… learn that you're a video game character or whatever." Dawn murmured uneasily. "I-I think I'm starting to understand what you meant about acting like I know everyone and all, too… I can't exactly help it s-so I wouldn't want to make any promises, but I'll do my best to… p-pretend I don't know you? I-I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to do, actually."

"You don't have to do anything, I'm the one who lost it." Alphys assured, shaking her head vehemently. "I mean… You were just kidnapped. Of course you'd try to relate with a situation you're familiar with so you could get some reassurance or something. I'm sure that if you didn't know what any of this was about, then, you'd probably be terrified. Monsters aren't a thing in your world, right? Sans told me so."

The human lowered her eyes and absent-mindedly gazed in the distance as if she could look past the table; but the slow and heavy nod she soon made showed that she was fully listening.

"Truth be told, I… I guess I was projecting a bit. Y-you probably know that, but… I'm k-kinda the craziest monster around when it comes to getting fond of fictional stories and whatnot. So when I learned about the game… Of course I started making some wild fantasies and thought about things like, h-how I'd react if one day I was the one who got kidnapped by the characters from my favorite anime."

The human nearly said "It's Mew Mew: Kissy Cutie, right?" by reflex, but fortunately managed to stop this thought from being uttered. Of course it was Mew Mew: Kissy Cutie, the game made it clear enough (although it was unclear whether it was a dating simulation game or an actual anime — both versions probably existed). There was no use saying this out loud other than just increasing the awkwardness and making Alphys uncomfortable for no reason. Other than by just being the stupidest and smoothest Captain Obvious that could ever be.

Alphys was not looking at her anymore, so she did not notice anything that had ever transpired through her interlocutor's head.

"I…'m not exactly sure I would've handled things the way I should. But I got to think about it. So… I know things must already be hard for you, so I'm sure that thinking of your situation as just "getting the chance to meet your favorite characters" is tempting and the most reassuring option you have… But if you can— please just try to consider this." she muttered softly, but shyly and uncomfortably. "I'll repeat just one more time… We're not your prizes. We'll just be neighbors for some time." Her look swiftly shifted as she cracked a small, bittersweet smile: "I must admit, part of me was actually excited to meet someone like you— I have so many questions about your world and that video game, I swear that you are NOT ready." A small, yet genuine and somewhat mischievous giggle escaped her, and its honesty was contagious enough that soon, Dawn found herself laughing as well. "Anyway… I'd really like to be your friend, eventually. It could be a lot of fun. But… I just really don't want that friendship to be just because of the game, you know?"

When silence fell in the kitchen, Dawn was left to ponder a little more the lizard's words; it seemed intricate enough that she was struggling to try and make some sense out of it.

She just knew that there were some hidden ambiguities concealed within the monster's speech that could explain just how deeply she cared about that issue and why she would have bothered to speak for so long about it… But at least, she easily had the gist of it and could understand where that came from.

She wondered whether wanting to befriend someone you literally met for the first time but grew to know very intimately because you saw that person through a screen and got to learn nearly everything about that person, was what being a creep or even a stalker was all about. It probably was. Even if she hadn't done that on purpose because she was certain these people were fictive at first, the result was the same.

"I… I don't think I got everything you probably wanted to tell me with this, but, I'll do my best to be careful about that." she answered with a sheepish smile.

"It's okay, I probably didn't say it in the clearest way either. I'm still not sure how to say all of this anyway, so… I'm really just glad that you wanted to listen, at least." Alphys dismissed lightly. "You've probably had a lot on your mind too, right?"

"Oh yeah, totally." the teenager sighed in exhaustion. "I'm completely new to all this magic and soul stuff and now time travel and I'm still trying to wrap my head around a lot of things with you guys being more than just video game characters, and all at the same time I don't want to be a burden to any of you because I know from the game how much stuff you've all been through, but now I have to be careful because acting like I know this stuff and want to help you guys as if I've known you for ages is making you uncomfortable, which is exactly what I wanted to avoid and why I wanted to just be nice and helpful with you in the first place so you wouldn't have to deal with me bringing you guys trouble…" There was another sigh, even longer and heavier than the previous one. She buried her head in her hands and took some time to breathe, until she admitted: "… My head hurts."

The scientist repressed a short, yet soft and warm laugh, as she watched the human with a satisfied and an almost, somewhat motherly look. Maybe more like the look of that protective big sister. In any case, it didn't last for long, as she soon stood up from her chair, opened a cupboard, took out a glass and went to the sink. When Dawn was alerted by the sound of the running water, she noticed with surprise that the height of the sink was completely normal. Wasn't there something in the game about that sink being insanely high so Papyrus could stack more bones in the cupboard below or something…? Oh who cared, she was too tired to play the 'seven mistakes' game. Maybe the sink was magic. Everything was magic here anyway.

Soon, Alphys handed her a glass full of cold water and a joking, yet caring smile. The human thanked her sincerely yet tiredly and took her time to empty it. It entirely evaporated as soon as she swallowed it, but at least it did seem to have some relieving effect on her headache.

Even the water was magic. What the heck.

"… This place is weird." she laughed incredulously. "It's amazing, and I know I shouldn't be expecting anything less, but it's weird. I have so many questions about everything."

"Same here." the scientist added jokingly, nodding in a mockingly solemn and wise gesture. "What aren't you getting yet?"

"I'm just… not really sure? I mean, it looks so simple. I got kidnapped because the video game that exists in my world is affecting this one, and me being here can stop it. I really don't know what else I should be getting from the situation apart from, well, the fact that you guys need me to stay here for some time until you've solved the problem once and for all." She blinked slowly, then inhaled sharply through her nose, pursing her lips tightly. "But all at the same time, a lot of this situation just… doesn't make that much sense to me."

"How so?"

"It's probably 'cause my best friend is a huge science nerd and she's always saying stuff like 'time travel doesn't exist' or whatever, so with that and magic being a thing here… I guess I still need to adjust to my mind being blown in more ways than just one." She took a small pause to let a small yet bright and incredulous giggle escape her lips. "Right now, honestly, everything that happened really just sounds like the sort of stuff that'd happen in a bad shipping fanfiction or something. You even said it yourself."

As if taken by a sudden fateful doubt, or as if she had just been stricken with the realization of just who she had been saying this to, the human's face suddenly fell as she gave an almost fearful look at what she very well knew to be an otaku as well as an obsessive fanfiction writer who, if rumors were to be trusted, was leaning towards the cheesy romantic stories at best, the smut crackfics at worst.

"Please don't ship me with anyone I don't know how old anyone is here but I'm really just fifteen and in my country it's illegal." The realization of what she had just said struck once more, and part of her felt incredibly embarrassed and unclean for even having merely thought of this possibility on her own. Maybe she had been reading too many of those fanfics herself and had been corrupted by the fandom. She immediately face-palmed. "Uuugh, why did I say that…"

Dawn was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard a repressed yet somewhat sly and mocking giggle that definitely wasn't hers.

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to…" Alphys brought a small slightly trembling fist to the end of her muzzle and forced a cough, avoiding her look. "T-there really are that many fanfics in your world? Ones about… THIS situation happening, even?"

Call it whatever you like, I call it a show. A very boring sitcom for now, at that. I hope there'll be at least something to spice things up at some point.

"Uhhh…" Okay, what would anyone be supposed to answer that? This joke was getting slightly too meta for her own sanity and part of her was just starting to consider the possibility, and the idea of the existential crisis it induced wasn't pleasant, to say the least. "… K-kinda? Well, usually most of the fanfics I've seen that turn around that sort of dumb plot choose a… b-better setting. Like, you guys are already on the surface or at least you're all a-alive. A-anyway most of the fanfics where Sans actually does something productive, end up in him getting paired with someone, so, uh, I usually avoid to read those ones. And I promise I'm not saying this just because you're here."

Alphys rolled her eyes jokingly. "Hey, don't worry. This is real life here, you're safe from that sort of weird fan fantasies."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but somehow hearing this from a video game character doesn't help right now." the human retorted sarcastically, raising her eyebrows in an unamused expression yet smirking in a mixture between a joking intent, and pure disbelief. "No offense, but reality looks totally broken to me right now."

The scientist exploded in loud laughs, and soon Dawn followed. The concert lasted for at least a few minutes, until exhaustion had the better of them and their respective needs for breathing took over their hilarity.

"Anyway… Sans didn't tell me all that much about how it went, actually." Alphys eventually said. "How did you two… handle the situation?"

"… I was stupid. I don't think there's any other way to put it." the human muttered sheepishly. "Craziest thing is, Sans thought at first that I was lying to his face and being an evil manipulator or something, while it was all really just a big misunderstanding. So… that was awkward. I'm just glad it's solved now."

Alphys repressed a small laugh once more, but maybe they had just laughed too much and they had now both exhausted their laughing batteries.

"Anyway, it's… weird. Before I came here and all, at first I felt bad for him as, like, a character, because of what he's going through and all, but then when I got to see what the fandom did to him and how big a deal he'd become, I g-guess I kinda started to think he was… overrated?" She marked a pause to look down and bit her lip shamefacedly. "N-now that I know that it was all real, though… I-i really feel bad about thinking that."

Oh good, when she was acting so docile I thought she was just going to be one of those mindless fangirls that do nothing but follow him around like a little puppy.

"He's really being so nice, and… hopeful?" She blinked in confusion. "I really just want him to succeed. He definitely deserves to reach that happy ending and then get some good rest for the rest of his life, the poor guy." Dawn suddenly stopped her train of thoughts and froze when she saw the peculiar look on Alphys's face. "… What? Did I say something wrong?"

Wait. That wasn't the "You said something wrong and now my SOUL is broken due to the existential crisis" look. That was a smug look.

"Oh no, it's not what you said. It's just… he showed me your internet some time when he was trying to tell me about the video game."

Dawn's eyes widened in shock and horror. "You— you guys saw… the fandom?"

"Not much, sadly." Alphys muttered dejectedly. "Sans wanted to convince me that he wasn't just pulling my leg with that story of time travels and video game stuff, so eventually he just turned on his machine, connected his computer to one of your browsers, told me to search for the word 'Undertale' and said that it'd give me all the answers I needed."

"Oh… ouch. He, uh, didn't even try to be tactful with it…?"

"I really was annoying him and he probably thought I was wasting his time, by this point." she shrugged and rolled her eyes jokingly. "Anyway, uh, long story short, let's say he forgot to tell me how 'Undertale' was actually spelled."

Dawn looked like she was about to fall off her chair while her eyes would just pop out and fly into the ceiling like a pair of helium balloons.

"That's how I was convinced." Alphys chuckled awkwardly. "I mean, we probably both know that he couldn't have made this stuff up if he wanted to."

This was a nightmare. The poor guys. The poor, poor tortured souls, victims of the internet and the naivety and innocence of sweet blissful monsters who did nothing wrong and came all the way from their cocoon of virtual reality without knowing anything of humankind's darkest side. Tainted forever by the merciless desires of a lusting fandom.

"You should have seen him." Alphys's hilarity was becoming harder and harder to repress as she was reminiscing. "He looked ready to blast the entire thing. Pretty sure the only reason he didn't was because he needed it to save the universe or whatever. So instead he just grabbed the power cable and pulled it out. I kinda wanted to see the safer part of what you guys could've been working on, but Sans forced me to leave and asked me to never touch his machine again."

There were no words. Dawn felt so sorry and all at the same time so powerless.

"He looks tough and all, but he can get flustered way too easily." she shrugged again. "Anyway… I've been having this little suspicion for a while, and… what you said about him only brought even more… consistence to this headcanon."

"What… exactly do you mean by that?"

"Hmm… How would you feel if I told you that even if he'll never admit it out loud and just pretend he's fine like always, he's way too shy to look up any of the fandom stuff?"

"I'd… be relieved? Honestly, I totally understand him on that part. That must've been horrible." Dawn winced overdramatically. "I'm actually happy that he won't try to look for even more of that stuff. I don't know what he's seen but he's definitely seen enough to scar him… I REALLY don't know how he'd react, knowing what the fandom has done with him."

At first, upon listening to her small rant, Alphys gave her a sheepish look, probably feeling somewhat bad about her friend. But when the last words fell into silence, the lizard paused— and, very gradually, an evil Grinch-like grin crept its way up on her muzzle as she slowly turned her head towards the human, sending her a demonic look and playing with her nonexistent yet somehow still very obviously visible eyebrows in that insufferably smug and sly attitude of "Ooh no. You can't just say that and then stop there. Now you HAVE to tell me everything. I DEMAND the details. ALL the details."

Dawn saw her entire life flashing through her eyes. She was definitely going to be judged for her sins sooner or later.

"… O-ooookay uhhh, where could I even begin. There's just so much."

"Just start with the juiciest part." Alphys whispered sneakily, letting her elbows rest on the table and crossing her clawed fingers so she could rest her head on the stable structure and stare at her with a demonic grin.

The teenager hesitated for at least half a minute. But in the end… Who the hell cared?

They had already seen the worst part of the fandom, so it wasn't like she could really make anything worse. Besides, Alphys was the one asking, not her. So why the hell should that fourth wall still stay in place after Sans had worked so hard to obliterate it already.

She sighed, but ended up with a small evil smile in the corner of her mouth and she calmly took her chair in order to bring it next to her, so they could sit side by side. And then, she pulled out of her jeans' pocket her Special Attack.

… She was so going to burn in hell for this. But this was totally going to be worth it.

"Well… I guess I may or may not have a lot of fanarts and some fan videos I downloaded on my phone, if you're interested." she said in a fake careless tone, mockingly pretending that it was not that much of a big deal.

When the lizard widened her eyes in sudden interest, she did not hesitate to let her check it out for a few seconds; but Alphys immediately returned it to her and asked her to just move on with what they really wanted to do with it. So she turned it on without further ado, and…

"Ah, bummer. It's almost out of batteries, and I'm sure you guys won't have a charger around for this thing."

"Shh." Alphys shook her head soothingly yet overdramatically and jokingly, her smile still widely visible on her muzzle. "Who needs chargers when you have… electricity magic!"

Jumping out of her seat to stand and take an anime-esque pose, she pointed dramatically at her phone screen and immediately a few bolts zapped around in the air, which gradually raised the battery percentage in the right corner of the screen, and incidentally made Dawn's hair stand straight on her head and start floating in the air.

Too shocked by being literally surrounded by electric waves, too fearful to move and accidentally get zapped by touching anything, and yet too happily surprised to see Alphys make anime real and have some genuine fun looking voluntarily stupid doing so, the human could do nothing but gape in disbelief with a wide open grin.

Alphys calmly and proudly sat back down on her chair and resumed her former position with her head resting on her delicate and sly crossed arms.

"Now. Please continue." she purred smugly.

… They really were doing this. Oh boy.

"Hmm… Do you know what an 'AU' is? As in, 'Alternate Universe'?"

"Oh! You mean things like the quantum multiverse theory and trees of possibilities and—"

"No-no-no." She shook her head with a giant grin slashing her face from ear to ear. "Not in the real physics meaning of the word. In the FANDOM meaning of the word. Did you get to see stuff like that with your own anime fandoms?"

"You mean w-what the fans do when they think it'd be funny to change a few things in the canon universe, for example by switching the roles of some characters?"

"Exactly." the human nodded exaggeratingly widely and slowly. "Let me introduce you to the wonders of the Undertale fandom. Just a little warning— You will NEVER see Sans the same way after that. Ooh, how about we start with Underswap? How would you imagine a character that looks like Sans, but with PAPYRUS's personality?"

Alphys pondered the deepest implications and consequences of the possibility for an entire minute, as she remained perfectly still and blankly staring at the human without even blinking.

Then, she straightened her back and her head rose before she clicked her tongue loudly.

"Okay, now I NEED to see this."


When Dawn was done eating her dinner and the two girls had been willing to find a more comfortable place to spend the rest of their evening, they had made their way to the basement and sat on the green couch that Sans had left there. Alphys had also said that the basement was soundproof, which could only come to their advantage if they wanted to keep the fanart and their howls of hysteric laughter as much a secret as it could possibly be.

After a few hours of chatting around and listening to or watching what the phone had in store for them, the weight of the events eventually had the better of them. When Sans went down for a two-in-the-morning snack and came to check how they were doing, he found the two girls sound asleep on the sofa, Dawn's phone threatening to fall out of her half-open hand.


It was early morning. Dawn and Alphys were still snoozing serenely.

Then, quietly at first but gradually increasing in tone and volume, a voice sneakily rose from the surrounding silence.

… beautiful day outside...

Birds are singing... Flowers are blooming...

Dawn mumbled some grumpy curses under her breath as she confusedly attempted to wake up. Her groggy definitely-not-morning-person mind made her feel like she had heard this before, but her neuronal connections were still too slow to properly process what was happening. Was it morning already…? Shouldn't her phone's alarm be going off then? Naaah, if her phone hadn't gone off yet then it had to be way too soon for this. She still had time.

... should be burning in hell.

She opened her eyes in shock as the horrifying realization suddenly clicked.

In a pitiful attempt to jerk up while not being completely awake, she fell over the sofa and accidentally had Alphys accompany her in response to gravity's invitation to meet the hard floor in the process.

Turn around kid, it'd be a crime,

Alphys forcefully detached her head away from the floor in alarm as she jerked up awake and shrieked some panicked nonsensical words along the lines of "wu-wu-wu-whaaa?"

First surprise: for some reason, the two girls and the couch were now back in the living room.

If I had to go back on the promise that I made for you,

So don't step over that line,

Dawn, becoming whiter and whiter by the second, stood up as fast as she could, letting Alphys stumble on the floor again. She nervously turned her head to apologize, but did not make any attempt to help her up and instead dashed away from the sofa as fast as possible.

Second surprise: her cell phone was gone.

Or else friend, you're gonna have a bad time.

Dawn kept running all around the living room in panic and rising anger, she tried to rifle through drawers and cupboards first in the living room and then in the kitchen before she considered searching upstairs, but for some reason she was simply unable to find where that damned voice was coming from.

Third surprise: given the volume of that damned music, she was pretty sure that her phone's speakers were not supposed to have enough power to play any song that loud without any help from peripheral devices.

So let's go, let the room get chiller

Let's go, dirty brother killer

Every time she felt like she had found its origin, as soon as she had made her way there it appeared that it was now somehow coming from the other end of the room. It was as if the origin of the voice could teleport at will just to mess with her.

Go ahead and try to hit me if you're able,

"SANS!" Dawn ultimately scowled in pure rage, her face red as a tomato. "WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY PHONE!?"

I can tell you're getting really sick of trying,

Dawn could barely hear underneath the song that a certain someone was doing his best not to laugh too loudly, but she quickly found the origin of that last voice and vociferously stomped her way to him, snatching her phone away from his hands and turning the song off in an instant.

… Sweet, sweet silence. None of the sighs she had previously experienced in her entire life had ever been as relieving as the one she just released.

"Sans. You'd better have a very good reason for waking us up at whatever-in-the-morning it is and give Alphys a heart attack."

Sans seemed about to lift a finger in order to say something, but the expression on his skull made it clear what he had in mind, so she just interrupted him before he could actually say it.

"I'll have you know that trolling innocent people who are just trying to sleep peacefully is not a reason good enough."

"what do you mean?" he immediately retorted in a pseudo innocent tone and with a trollesquely solemn and betrayed look. "i just wanted to make sure you'd be up and dandy right away, since you wanted to help me today and everything. you were the one who told me you wanted to get up early."

Dawn hardly listened to him, since as soon as she had got her hands back on her phone, she had simply started skimming through its contents in order to try to assess the damage, because she just knew that he wouldn't have stopped at just one joke.

A grumble escaped her gritting teeth when she immediately noticed that he had changed her wallpaper for nothing else but a bad MS Paint meme. Apparently he had seen the series of cringe-inducing posts parodying his "bad time" speech and eventually opted for the one where admittedly, he didn't actually look too bad, and the text merely said "Youre on the verje of experiancin a very unfortunet outcom my deerest frend."

This looked terrible. But somehow, deep down in her SOUL, she just knew that this was far from the damage Sans could have done to her only remaining property.

… Oh. There it was. She hesitated between sighing and face-palming. After a split second of hesitation, she did both.

"… You set exactly forty-eight alarms on my phone so it'd play an intentionally bad fandub of the line "You'd be dead where you stand" followed by the extended version of Megalo Strike Back's Chara remix for every single hour of every single day in the week. I don't even know why I'm surprised." The only reason she took a pause was because she needed to breathe. "And you changed my ringtone for… Wait, I don't recognize this file."

She perfectly knew that if she played that sound file she would regret it, but sadly for her and for everyone else in the room, her curiosity had the better of her.

After a split second of static, an obvious sign that it was badly recorded and that the audio had a poor quality which could only mean that listening to this would not be the most pleasant experience, she actually heard Sans's voice.

As in, the real Sans's voice.

hey there buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella bruther amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal i don't mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg but—

Dawn paused the recording and raised a deadpan look.

Sans's grin was wider than ever. You could literally breathe the smug in his glowing pellets.

"I can't believe you actually dubbed that one yourself oh my God."

"hey, if it can console you, i also changed mine."

And he shrugged. And he raised a different ancient-looking cell phone from his pocket and pressed a button.

A do-ah deh, a-do-do, a-do-ah

A do-ah deeh, a-do-do, a-do-ah…

… Of all things he could have used as a ringtone, Mogolovonio started playing.

Dawn looked like she could see her entire life flashing through her eyes. Sans finally found the mercy to spare her the rest of the recording as he paused it. But his smug grin only widened.

This was a nightmare.

No. He did NOT do that right now, no no no you have GOT to be kidding me…

So not only had Sans had the opportunity to mess with her phone, he had apparently managed to retrieve its data and transfer it to his own belongings, meaning that even if she had now her phone with her and under her now would-be constant supervision, she could not be saved.

"… Did you search through all my files?" All traces of anger had disappeared on her blanched face. Only a primal fear could be heard through her words, now.

"naaah. don't worry about it, i didn't poke around too much. i only checked out one folder." His grin expanded again. "the one you named "shitpost." it was filled with lots of great content, though."

The human froze in place, probably trying to contain her storm of emotions as best she could because she definitely didn't want an unfortunate murder to occur in such a place.

But it was too late.

Nobody would be able to stop this madness now.

In the end, she focused all her energy into one sigh, trying to release it as best she could.

She just had to stay patient and focus her energy on what needed to be saved, instead of what needed to be killed with fire.

"… Alphys. What was that one thing you said about Sans being too scared to look at the fandom stuff?"

Alphys was face-palming.

"I meant fanarts. I never said anything about memes."

Dawn had called it. She knew they would burn in hell for their sins, sooner or later.

She had just dared to wish that it wouldn't be that soon and savage.