After a couple of days Clara went back into lessons. Her memory was still hazy, but in true predictable Clara fashion she was fine with most of the work. Danny caught her up where needed and him, Paula, Jess and Faye all made sure to keep an eye on her while she was still fragile. They'd reached the end of Friday's lessons and Danny had been off at a football related meeting so Jess and Faye sat with Clara while she worked. Faye gently nudged Jess and gestured to her to follow her. They walked over to one of the shelves and looked back at Clara. "All she does is work now, like it's all she knows how to do. I'm really worried," Faye sighed.
"They said her memories would come back but apart from her Dad it hasn't, I think it's frustrating her too," Jess pointed out as Clara seemed to tense up. She shoved her book away and put her head in her hands causing both the girls to rush back over.
"I keep finding notes I've written to myself but I don't even know why I wrote them. It's driving me crazy."
"Clara you're doing work you don't even need to do, why don't we go back to our room? Maybe play a game or something?" Jess suggested.
Clara shook her head, "I need to finish this."
"You can't, you need to rest," Faye told her, putting a hand on her shoulder that Clara shook off. "Come on Clara, you can't overdo it - it's not good for you."
"Nobody knows what's good for me though do they?!" Clara pushed her books away. "I need a walk," she started to walk out. The girls followed and she noticed that. "Alone. I need a walk alone. I'm fed up of being babysat!" She stormed out.
Jess and Faye looked to each other. "What do we do?" Jess asked.
"Paula. I'll go, you tidy up here and go back. You look tired Jess…" Faye looked concerned.
"I just want her to be okay, none of this is fair. I miss her, I miss the fun we usually have you know?" Jess sighed. "Go, go to Paula. I'll be alright." Faye nodded, hugging her quick and running off. She got to Paula's office and knocked on the door.
Paula gestured for her to come in. "Miss? Clara's gone off outside on her own, she got really frustrated and said she needed some time alone. I'm worried about Jess too, I don't think she's sleeping properly because of all this. It's not Clara's fault, we're just really worried about her."
"Alright love, thank you for telling me. You go back to Jess now, I'll sort this and you guys just relax this evening - Clara will be fine and you two need a good night's sleep. Go on, sleep," Paula smiled and sent her off. As soon as Faye was out of sight she grabbed her coat and keys. Clara could only remember one thing - there was definitely only one place she would go. Paula stopped off in the sports hall and grabbed Danny, apologising quickly to the coach.
As expected Clara was with her Dad. They reached his room and through the window Danny could see her curled up on the bed with him. "I'm going to stay out here, she needs her Dad right now," Danny told Paula.
"That's very mature of you, why don't you go and get a drink?" she suggested and Danny nodded, going back down the corridor where he knew there was a café where he could grab a tea. Paula watched him go before knocking on the door gently and walking in.
Dave looked up, it was only now evident that Clara was sleeping. "Sorry I couldn't reach my phone to let you know…"
"No don't worry," Paula spoke quietly and sat down. "There was only one place she was ever going to go right now."
"Still can't remember?" Dave asked and then added "she didn't speak much, just fell asleep here."
"It's sketchy. It's there, in the background somewhere, but the fact that she sort of knows but can't quite grasp at the memories is making her frustrated which is probably why she's so tired," Paula looked at her sleeping. "Are you alright like that?"
"Yeah, the beds are just about wide enough for this thankfully. I know she should probably be at school but I explained to the nurses and they said she can stay…" Dave looked anxious - he just wanted to look after his daughter.
Paula looked around briefly and nodded, "I'll get round the rules for you, she needs to be here tonight. How are you getting on?"
"Good, really well actually. A little fed up of the same four walls but physio is getting on really well they might be able to revise my discharge date. I'm really hoping I'll be out for half term," he seemed positive and Paula smiled. "How's Danny?" Dave asked, "I half expected him to be right behind you."
"He was, but decided not to intrude when he saw the situation. He's alright, just really concerned about her," Paula explained. "Jess and Faye are similar, they're all just worried."
Dave sighed, "but they're young, they shouldn't have to be worrying about this. It should be my job, she should be at home."
"Try not to upset yourself, I know the circumstances are difficult but you couldn't have done anymore than you have. We're doing everything we can for her, everyone is," Paula told him. "She's a good kid with far too much on her plate."
"I can't thank you all enough honestly," Dave told her.
Paula nodded and stood up, "I'm going to leave you together. Call me in the morning?"
"I will do, thank you for letting her stay," he replied and Paula nodded, heading out and collecting Danny before heading back.
#-#-#-#
Clara woke up the next morning, momentarily a little shocked and confused. "Hey," Dave kept an arm around her, "you're alright sweetheart." She looked up to him and Dave smiled.
"Dad," she spoke out as if working it out in her head, "you're here. I'm… here. I came… what time is it?"
"You've been asleep all night, it's 7am. You should eat - I persuaded them to bring extra toast," he nodded over to the table. "How are you feeling?"
"I should be at school," Clara sat up.
"It's alright, we'll phone Paula when you're ready to go back there's no rush. How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Like I've let everyone down. All these people that care for me and I can't even remember how we met. They're doing so much and I saw how upset they were yesterday," she sighed and took the plate of toast from the table. "I don't know what to do."
"I might have an idea, if you're up for it? It won't be easy but I think it might help?" Dave rubbed her back.
"Right now I'll try anything," Clara ate slowly.
"Alright, can you grab my phone from the side? I need to make a couple of calls."
#-#-#-#-#
Danny turned up at the hospital as instructed after morning lessons and knocked on the door. Clara was surprised to see him at the door and went over, opening the door. "Dad is having physio, they wouldn't let me go. Why are you here?"
"I'm doing what I'm told. I don't actually know," he told her. "You look a little better, did you sleep?"
"Yeah, helped a bit I guess. Still can't remember much but apparently Dad has a plan. I'm guessing you being here is something to do with that plan," she shrugged. "Anyway um, come and sit down, sorry."
Danny went in and shut the door, "Jess and Faye send their love."
"I've stressed them out," Clara sighed, sitting on her Dad's bed while Danny took the chair.
Danny shook his head, "don't be silly, they're just worried."
"That's what everyone keeps saying," she rolled her eyes. "Sorry I'm just lost at the moment."
Danny stood up and moved next to her on the bed. He held his arm out and she moved into his grasp, "I know this is still weird to you, but I know this helps you too, so I'm here as much as you need me." Clara nodded and leant her head on his shoulder.
A few minutes later the door opened, but it wasn't Dave. "Gran?" Clara sat up. She hadn't seen her Gran since losing her memory so this was a bit of a shock.
"Hello sweetheart, how are you doing?" Grace smiled. "We've got a little party going on here haven't we?"
Danny chuckled, "good to see you Grace. Can I get you a tea?"
"Actually we are off somewhere," she told them.
"Where?" Clara looked concerned.
"Home. Come on the taxi won't wait forever and I'm not made of money!" Grace opened the door again and Danny stood up, taking Clara's hand and guiding her out.
#-#-#-#
When they pulled up at the house Danny spotted that Clara was staring at it, clearly nervous about going in. He squeezed her hand gently, "this is your home love, it's safe here. Let's go in."
"You know my house?" Clara checked with him.
Danny nodded, "very well. I live nearby. Come on, can't stay in here forever." He opened the door and went out, helping Clara and then Grace as well. "Why are we here?" Danny asked Grace while Clara wasn't paying attention.
"There's a lot of memories for Clara in this house, hopefully it will stir them up. We just have to be aware that they might not always be the nicest," she told him.
Danny nodded and looked at Clara stood a few paces in front. "You go in with her, I'll hang around outside for a moment."
Grace smiled gratefully and stepped forward to her granddaughter, guiding her inside. Clara walked through the door. She remembered the house, but not like this. It was a little messy, but also relatively untouched - which made sense with her Dad in hospital and- and-" she couldn't finish the sentence even though she knew there was something there. She walked through the hall into the lounge and looked at the photos on the mantelpiece. "I know, it's in my head, I know-" she put a hand to her forehead. "What do I know?!" she kicked out at the sofa. Grace put a hand on her shoulder and Clara turned into her, crying. Her Gran rubbed her back softly.
"Come upstairs," she told her, "let's go to your room." Clara took a deep breath and stepped back, agreeing and following her up. Her room was completely tidy - she definitely hadn't been home for a while. There was a book lying out on her desk so she walked over to it, picking up the piece of paper that seemed to be tucked inside.
My dear Clara,
I've placed this at my favourite point in the book and I know it is yours too. We've always shared that passion for reading - long may it continue.
I gave you this book because it's special to me and you are even more so. You're my precious little girl, you always will be however much you grow up and mature I still enjoy our evening cuddles and conversations about different books you've read. But that's not the point of this letter.
The point is, at this point in the book the young girl has just realised she's fallen in love and it occurred to me we've never talked about this. You know your Dad and I met young, you know our story all too well, but I want you to know whatever happens for you I will support you. You're starting secondary school and that's when things start to change and you meet boys. Sometimes these relationships don't work out - people expect them not to work out. That's okay, you're only young, but I wanted to tell you the one thing nobody else will: whatever happens, whoever you meet, if you know it's right then I will believe you. You'll feel it in your heart, like the girl in this book, you'll just know.
This letter may not be the most eloquent I've ever written, but it's the most important thing you'll ever read and something I always wish I'd known. Love is precious, love is kind, and whoever you fall in love with will look after you and you to them. This is the most important message, it is one that I love, it is one that you deserve to know.
My dear Clara, I love you more than words could ever say, and I can't wait to see you meet the right person whenever that may be. Find me when you've read this, because I want to give you the biggest hug and apologise for not saying this in person. But keep this letter in the book, go to it whenever you need to. I promise you, i love you.
Mum xx
There was a tear rolling down her cheek as she got to the end, "I remember," she managed to get out before having to sit down on her bed, "Mum I remember Mum, I remember that she's gone I remember it all…" she bought her knees up, looking at the letter again, "where's Danny?"
"I'll get him love," Grace smiled, knowing that was coming. "I'll make tea too." She left the room. Clara lay down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Suddenly new memories were swirling around her head and they weren't nice, but they were there and now maybe more would come back - hopefully they would be nicer.
Her mind was going crazy - she shut her eyes in an attempt to block it out and a few moments later felt the bed sink beside her as Danny joined her on the bed. "Your Gran said you remember about your Mum?" She didn't reply, just moved closer to him. "It's okay, you've been doing so well. I know that might seem hard to believe now but you are."
"I showed you this letter," she mumbled.
Danny raised his eyebrows a little, "hey did you just remember that?"
It hadn't even occurred to her until he said it, "I guess I did. This is strange, it's like random memories are coming back and I can't quite piece it all together."
"Hey, anything is still something. Don't stress yourself, it'll all come in time," he kissed her head gently and looked up when Grace came in with tea.
"Thank you Gran," Clara sat up, "shouldn't we be going back to school though?"
"It's fine, all covered," Danny told her, "just enjoy your tea and try and relax, I'll be back in a sec," he told her and got up, leaving the room with Grace. "She's remembering little bits and pieces, I think this really helped."
"Her Dad will be pleased. I'm going to give him a ring. Are you alright with all this?"
"Of course, you know I'll do anything to help," he told her.
"You head back, I'll sort some food," Grace told him.
Danny nodded and went back in.
#-#-#-#
After lunch she fell asleep and Danny put the TV on quietly. Grace was downstairs, she'd spent a long time talking to Dave and then the school before letting Danny know they could stay a while and she left them to it while Clara slept.
His phone rang around 3pm and he had predicted it would be Jess or Faye before he even picked it up. "Hey, you guys alright?" he asked first.
"Fine, Just wanted to check how it's going?" Faye asked.
"Good, some memories are coming back but it is tiring her out. We're starting to get somewhere though so we're going to stay and look at some more stuff in a bit - I don't know when we will be back," he explained. "You two just look after yourselves, she's concerned with how much she's affected us all so you need to be alright for when she gets back."
"Noted, we will be fine. Thank you, you're really good to her Danny," she told him. "We best get back to lessons, see you both soon."
Danny hung up and put his phone back down, looking back to Clara who seemed to be getting a little restless. He stroked her hair gently to try and calm her down. "You're okay love," he whispered in her ear. "It's all going to be okay." That didn't seem to work and Clara suddenly woke up with a start, immediately jumping out of bed and running to the corner before she even looked at her surroundings. Danny sat up, watching her for a moment to judge what was going on. "Clara, it's just us. Look at me?"
"Home. I'm at home, not there," she spoke, looking around the room.
Danny put the pieces together, looking at Clara wrapping her arms around herself. She looked in pain - she must have missed her medication. More to the point, "you remember about Jackie?"
Clara nodded, "had a dream, except it wasn't it was a memory. All the bruises are from her and her friends… why didn't you tell me?" she asked.
"We decided it would be better for you to remember on your own, I know it's not nice," he finally moved to join her on the floor. "You're in pain, you need to take some tablets."
"I don't know if we have any in the house, we don't usually," she adjusted herself, wincing. Danny reached over and grabbed his jacket, pulling out painkillers from his pocket. "I grabbed some on my way out just incase. I'll go down and get you some water," he stood up.
"Can you ask Gran how Dad's physio went?" she asked just before he left the room. Danny nodded and went down.
Grace stood up as soon as he walked in the room. "It's alright, she's fine. Well, she's remembered everything that happened at the home, I wish some of the better memories would return. Anyway, Clara asked how her Dad's physio went?"
"Yeah it went well, they're really pleased with his progress so she needn't worry. I've just been in contact with Hayley, she's going to come here after her shift and check on Clara. How are you doing?" Grace asked.
"Fine, honestly. Just going to get some water for Clara to take some painkillers," he explained. "Can I get you anything?"
"Oh no you're alright love, I've got a good book. Just call me if you need a hand, you're still young I don't expect you to know and do everything," Grace explained.
"It's okay, it makes more sense for me to be there when you're trying to get her to remember more recent events. I understand completely," he smiled, "I'd better go sorry," he disappeared into the kitchen to get the water and pulled out his phone, calling his Mum.
He explained everything that happened before asking, "any chance you could pop some dinner round? I know Grace is doing everything she can but she's still recovering from things herself…"
"Hey of course, I'll sort it. Do you need anything else?" she checked.
"No we're good. Thank you Mum, I really appreciate it," he told her and hung up, taking the water upstairs.
"You took your time," Clara raised an eyebrow as he walked back in. She'd moved back onto the bed now and seemed a little happier. "I think more memories are starting to come back. I was reading the letter from my Mum and I can remember that whole day now, you know when I showed it to you?"
Danny sat with her, handing her the water. "You looked beautiful that day," he told her, "we were sat here."
Nodding, Clara stood up and walked up to the window. "That was such a nice time, when things were simpler," she told him. "I miss it." She turned around, "well that was new. Memories flying back at me. Can we go for a walk?"
"Yeah of course we can, park?" he asked and Clara nodded.
"I'm gonna go see Gran quickly, I feel slightly more like myself and I want to reassure her. Meet you by the door?" Danny smiled and agreed before Clara left the room.
Grace was asleep on the sofa when Clara went in but she stirred quickly, she'd always been able to sense when Clara was around. "Hey darling, how are you?"
"Okay, kinda? I don't know. Memories are coming back and it's helping, I feel more like myself even though I don't really know what that is. Danny and I are going to go out for a walk, is that okay? Did you want to come?"
"Don't be silly I'll only hold you up. You two go, but keep your phone on so I can call you and don't be too long - Hayley and Greg are coming later," she told her. "Now go, enjoy yourself!"
Clara smiled and hugged her before running off to meet up with Danny. They left the house and walked together holding hands, not really speaking for a while as Clara just took in the fresh air, clearing her mind. "Here!"
"Huh?" Danny looked as she suddenly stopped in her tracks.
"I fell asleep on you on that bench, you had to lie to Dad about why you were there," she told him. "I'd had a-" suddenly she had to sit down. "Oh, yeah, another thing wrong with me…"
Danny joined her, "not wrong, just a part of you. I love you for you, every part of you, that is definitely something you should remember." A cloud suddenly passed over and covered the sun bringing a chill in the air. Danny spotted her shiver and shrugged his jacket off, putting it over her. "Come on let's keep walking, lap of the lake?" Clara nodded and stood back up, getting her head around this new development as they walked.
"You live up there right?" Clara pointed as they got to the end of the lake. Danny nodded, "we had Christmas there. I was looking through the photos, although I couldn't remember it then. You made that happen," she smiled, looking up at him. "I do love you," she took a small moment to consider before stopping and standing on tiptoes, kissing him gently. She shut her eyes as she did, taking it in before she stepped back. "Now that I remember."
"I should hope so too," Danny chuckled and slipped his arms around her, "how are you feeling sweetie?"
"So much better, it's really starting to come back now. Thanks to Dad, Gran and you. I'm really rather lucky," she smiled. "I should let Jess and Faye know I'm okay, they'll only be worrying."
Danny kissed her head, "we should keep going, your Gran will also be worrying if we are too long."
"She's always been a worrier, Dad gets really annoyed sometimes but I know she only cares. It's a pretty mad set up but it's good. I would never complain about my family situation, other than the obvious but… that happened, it's done. Nothing can change it now," Clara shrugged as they walked.
"You never cease to amaze me Clara Oswald, you're so strong," Danny smiled and they kept walking, heading back to the house.
