Chapter Twenty-Nine: "My Only Love"

"No," Zero snapped hoarsely, his voice low but tense. His head was pounding. He couldn't think, but he was speaking, words tumbling out of him in an anguished, angry rush. "I don't have to perform for you on your terms. Everything's always on your terms, by your rules. That's how you dish out anything, even truth. I don't want to have to fit into your frickin' chess games! I'm sick of it, Kaname! Find somebody else to fuck with!" It was, perhaps, a poor choice of words given their situation, since he didn't mean it literally. He hadn't meant for his hurt and anger to come bubbling out in that somewhat convoluted way either, and Zero regretted the words the instant he realized he had spoken them. It didn't matter how angry and confused he was, nothing could dull the sharp edge of pain that knifed through him at the expression on Kaname's face. The pureblood looked like Zero could have stabbed him with an Artemis stake and it would have been less painful.

Zero gripped his head in both hands, fingers curling into his short silver hair hard enough to hurt. Damn it! What was wrong with him?! He felt like he was losing it. He knew he'd been on the verge of being completely out of control a few moments ago... strike that... he was still on that slippery and dangerous edge. He was torn between being terrified of what he feared he was capable of doing and the intense desire to let go and plunge willingly into the sadistic release for which his whole body was still begging. But... but he couldn't do that! Dear god... what was he doing? He was not a monster, he was not! He-he shouldn't be hurting Kaname like this... he wanted to, so badly... but he shouldn't! He didn't understand what he was feeling and he felt like he was going to either cry or rip something into pieces.

Kaname felt like the floor was dropping out beneath him. He should have felt angry perhaps, at what Zero had just said, at the seemingly unreasonable and schizophrenic way he was acting... but the accusations hurt so damn deep. Zero still thought Kaname saw him as nothing but a pawn? Aching hopelessness ate at him. What had he not done, what more could he possibly do to show Zero how he really felt? It was too much to expect Zero to feel the way he did, but was it too much to wish that he could at least not be given the benefit of the doubt? Why could he never do enough? Or do it right? Go find someone else... that sounded terrifyingly like I don't want to be with you anymore.

"Zero, I didn't mean to make you angry..." he started forward again, reaching out, needing to touch the other, but Zero backed away again, shaking his head.

The hunter didn't feel like a very safe person to be around right now. He was frightened of himself and the way he'd been behaving. The desires and urges still clawing at the ragged edges of his control frightened him. He wanted to hurt Kaname. He really wanted to hurt him. Even now... he ached to throw him down on the ground and take the pureblood until he screamed, but weirdly enough, not because he was angry. He was angry, but that wasn't where the desire was coming from... which had him completely and utterly confused. How could you care about someone and want to hurt them so much at the same time? For someone like Zero, a born human and a made vampire, the apparently contradictory emotions would have been confusing enough under normal circumstances, but his mixed up emotional state compounded the issue considerably.

Zero's desire to just bolt was mounting rapidly. In spite of how angry and hurt he was right now, he cared about Kaname, deeply. So deeply it ached. So deeply it twisted inside him like a suffocating vice, squeezing the air out of his lungs and all the blood out of his heart. He couldn't risk losing it and hurting him. It'd be better if he got away until he could clear his head.

"I...I need to cool down, Kaname... I'm sorry..." he muttered with a supreme show of will power as he started to withdraw, tugging in frustration at his pants and trying to ignore the mutinous fire still throbbing through him. It was bitterly hard and everything in him cried out against pulling away. But he had to. He was too screwed up right now. He didn't want this to spiral out of control and cause irreparable damage. Been there, done that, shot his lover in the side over a misunderstanding... couldn't do that again.

"Don't..." the soft, unexpected desperation in Kaname's voice actually made Zero pause and look back when he'd just sworn to himself that nothing would.

Kaname had moved out across the balcony again, standing with his back to the railing, golden sunlight framing his dark curls in backlit halos of light. "If you want me here, then here I am..." he murmured faintly. The pureblood's face was completely flushed with mortification. Part of him couldn't believe he was going this far. But he was so afraid... afraid that if Zero walked away from him now, he'd never come back, not even as a friend. Zero had just kissed him for the first time in forever... Kaname had to dared hope... and he couldn't let go. He couldn't risk messing this up, no matter what he had to do. He couldn't let the hunter walk away now. He feared they could never recapture this moment... that he would lose what he had seen a few minutes ago in Zero's eyes.

"Your terms, Zero, your rules," he whispered softly. "Anything you want."

Zero froze. The picture that Kaname made, standing there naked in the golden sunlight, flushed with embarrassment and desire and acting so unnaturally compliant... it made the hunter ache with desires deeper and darker than he could control. He needed to get out. Now.

So why was he still standing here? Held captive by the look in Kaname's eyes... trapped once again like that moth who gazed mesmerized at a flame. You knew the fire would burn you... but you didn't care. Because the fire was that beautiful, that bright and alluring... you wanted to be part of it, even if it was only a few fleeting moments of blazing glory before you were destroyed.

Zero swallowed hard. He could feel himself falling. He could not will his feet to pull him away. He needed Kaname to withdraw his irresistible offer, needed to push the pureblood away somehow before things went horribly wrong... He was still holding his pants up with one hand and he felt the lump of Yagari's knife on his belt. He grasped at the first thing that came to mind, trying to break free of the spell he was falling under. He pulled the hunter blade, letting Kaname see it.

"My terms?" Zero asked incredulously, trying for bitter but ending up simply hoarse and breathless. "And what if my terms were that you have to let me cut you? Let me take away that invincible healing of yours so I could know I was making love to something made of flesh and blood? Something I could leave a mark on..." he rasped quietly, darkly.

Kaname hated anti-vampire weapons. He'd gotten better at hiding it since the first time he'd all but freaked out when Zero pulled a hunter charm on him, but Zero knew that deep down, the pureblood still feared the weakness they could cause. He was sure Kaname would never agree to such an outrageous request. He expected the pureblood to be upset, he wanted to provoke him and hopefully make him realize that they both needed to cool down and try to pick up the pieces later. If there were any pieces left to pick up.

He did not expect what happened.

Kaname was suddenly beside him, having moved with his unusual vampire speed. "Do it," the pureblood whispered quietly, but without hesitation. Kaname's face couldn't have flushed any more painfully hot if he'd been scalded but he'd already made his decision and his resolve was absolute. Whatever it was that Zero needed from him, to prove that he saw the hunter as an equal, not a game piece, to prove how much he cared about him... the pureblood would endure it without question. Besides, just the thought that Zero wanted to mark him made his insides flip-flop with yearning.

Zero stood there, stunned and suddenly not knowing what to do. Kaname took the hunter's knife hand in his own. Before Zero had really thought through if this was something he actually wanted to do or not, Kaname had placed their hands together at his own neck, the knife blade resting against his bite area. The cut would be most effective there. Zero saw the blood well under the knife and wasn't sure if it was he or Kaname who had applied the pressure as the razor edge dragged out horizontally across the pureblood's chest, tracing a deep, bloody line paralleling his collarbone from neck to shoulder. Crimson drops oozed compellingly from the injury and continued to trail slowly down Kaname's skin. The pureblood's jaw tensed at the burning, tingling sensation which flooded from the cut as the fast-acting hunter poison spread instantly and ruthlessly through his body. The wound did not close. Kaname released Zero's hand.

"You see?" Kaname murmured as he absently licked the blood off his fingers. "I am made of flesh and blood." His dark eyes were locked on the other. "And you can leave your mark on me, anytime. I'm yours, Zero."

Was this it? Kaname wondered. Was it the outward signs of his pureblood heritage that made Zero doubt him so? Had it always bothered Zero that it was impossible to leave a lasting mark on him and he'd just never said anything? Maybe it was fair then, to bring them to the same level. He knew how very much he enjoyed marking Zero, sometimes too much, at least according to the ex-human who had complained more than once about how hard the bites and bruises were to hide. Perhaps Kaname should have thought of something like this sooner.

A deep shudder ran through Zero's body. He was lost. Nothing in him could have resisted the look in Kaname's eyes or the deep appeal of his words.

I'm yours.

It was what he needed to hear, it was all that his torn, bleeding heart cared about at the moment. Somehow, despite all that remained unresolved between them, despite the lies and the hurt... Zero believed him. Kaname's gaze was too sincere, the obvious, bleeding proof of his words too concrete and tangible. Whatever else Kaname was lying to him about... this wasn't one of those things. How he felt about Zero was not a lie. Kaname would never have gone this far if he wasn't completely sincere.

With a choked sob, Zeros ducked his head to Kaname's shoulder, lapping hungrily but tenderly at the blood there and tracing the length of the wound. His tongue gently urged the bleeding to stop, numbing the area slightly, even if the wound would not heal. Kaname gasped softly at the warm feeling of his mouth and the unique sensation of it playing against unhealed flesh. He tangled his fingers in Zero's hair, holding him close and closing his eyes with a sigh of relief.

The knife fell from Zero's hand as he found better things to occupy his fingers, his hands roving across his lover's beautiful body. He let his pants fall away and stepped out of them, kicking off his shoes and pulling Kaname close, aching to feel him everywhere. He didn't know where his anger had gone, but it seemed to have bled away into insignificance. It was so like Kaname, to do something entirely unpredictable just when Zero thought he'd hit the end of his rope. To turn the strange, alien ugliness Zero felt like he carried inside into a weird kind of beauty by just accepting him. It was one of the things Zero loved about this man. He was so contradictorily earnest despite his manipulative streak, so wholehearted about anything he set his mind to. It really had been unfair of him to imply that he thought Kaname wasn't made of flesh and blood. He knew better than most how untrue that was. Zero could feel that inviting flesh under his fingers now and hear the blood hammering through the pureblood's beautiful veins as they kissed with crushing intensity.

The anger was gone, but the desire to hurt Kaname had morphed into something else entirely. Something perhaps slightly less dark, but no less intense. His body burned to return to what they were doing before and the thrill of knowing that Kaname was slightly less than invincible was quite delightful. Who knew if he'd ever be in a situation quite like this again? Ever have Kaname quite so unequivocally needy, vulnerable and willing? It was a rare gift to be savored. And this time, as Zero's hands slid over the graceful curves of that intoxicating body and felt Kaname shudder against him, he did understand that it was a gift. A precious, priceless gift with which he was being entrusted. Kaname may not love him, but he must feel something in order to offer himself up to his lover on any terms Zero desired, even going this far. The hunter wasn't sure he was mentally and physically capable of doing the same at this time, if positions had been reversed, and his fingers were almost reverent as they traced the pureblood's silky skin.

Zero's passionate kisses were achingly tender as his tongue swirled with Kaname's. He walked the pureblood backwards until they ran into the railing again. Kaname did not protest as he was hoisted back up, simply continuing to kiss and caress Zero's face, neck and shoulders with an intensity that was almost frightening. He didn't know if Diachi and Seiji were still down there, and he didn't care. To hell with the possible consequences. To hell with the rest of the world. He was a person, damn it! A person who had feelings, wants and desires that didn't stop just because his name was Kuran. If he wanted to give himself to his lover on his own balcony then he would damn well do it.

Kaname's knees curled around Zero's hips, pulling him close, letting their bodies rub together again as he half urged, half begged to be taken once more. Zero smiled with deep, genuine affection as he supported Kaname's shoulders, his body stilling unwillingly just before the point of entry. Kaname's lips were already bruised and attractively swollen from their passionate kissing. It was so unusual to see things like that on him, it made Zero's whole being thrum. Zero kissed those lips softly, his other hand sliding down to hook under Kaname's knee again. He looked questioningly at his lover. His whole body was screaming for him to just move already, but he knew Kaname was not accustomed to being as vulnerable as he now was. As much as Zero knew what he wanted to do... he also knew Kaname wouldn't heal so rapidly this time.

He fought a grim, desperate battle with his vampiric urges, his chest heaving softly, his hand trembling against Kaname's thigh. "Please... stop me if I hurt you..." he rasped softly, urgently, knowing he could not trust his control much longer. He buried his face in Kaname's hair. "I don't ever want to hurt you..." he whispered, his body starting to shake in earnest. He couldn't let go, he couldn't allow himself this freedom unless he knew Kaname wouldn't let it go too far. Realistically, Kaname was no longer in any condition to stop Zero from doing anything he wanted, but Zero didn't realize that.

Kaname held Zero to him. He caressed the graceful line of his lover's neck with long fingers, brushing back the short silver hair and stroking his bite area, which was still obviously a little tender from the recent activity. His eyes stung softly. Every moment of every day, it seemed, Zero made the pureblood love him more. There was no one else on earth like this boy, Kaname was sure. No one who would be fighting so hard to not cause harm, even when it was beyond obvious how willing his partner was. He loved Zero's gentle protectiveness with every fiber of his being. Someday, he hoped, Zero could realize that that beautiful heart did not have to be at odds with his vampire nature.

"I promise," Kaname murmured back, his voice hoarse from emotion but silky with desire. He was well aware that he'd not physically be able to keep that promise, but that didn't matter, because there was nothing Zero could do to him that he didn't want right now. He nibbled and sucked on Zero's ear, tongue playing with his earrings. "Take me," he whispered in a tone like silk sheets sliding against skin. "I want you..." his fangs nipped at the velvety lobe of Zero's ear and the tender skin of his neck where it joined. "I want to feel you so deep it feels like you've gone through me..."

Kaname felt Zero's arousal twitch against his thigh at the purred words. He grinned deeply, a dark, delightful fire dancing invitingly in his eyes as he moved seductively against the hunter's body. "And don't you dare try to hold back, or I will beat the snot out of you next time we spar..." he threatened playfully. He wanted exactly what they'd been doing before. He wanted Zero to take him harder than sanity allowed; he wanted Zero to give his vampire nature free rein, to own the pureblood and know just how much Kaname considered himself his.

That confirmation of what his partner desired was all Zero needed. His eyes bottomed out to black and he shuddered against the other's body. It was not necessarily that he was losing control, but there was definitely no way in the world he could have stopped himself now. If Kaname regretted this later, then he'd just have to garner more of an appreciation for what it was like to be human, or at least to not be a pureblood. Although, realistically, there was no danger of hurting him much in the long run, the effects of the knife would wear off in a day or so.

"Well, can't have that..." Zero returned with a dark grin as he pushed Kaname back further on the edge. "Although... you might do well to consider your... position... before making threats..." he teased, fixing his lover with a smoldering look before he rocked his hips forward sharply, claiming Kaname's body without apology.

Kaname bit his lip as his back arched, muffling another silent cry of delight as he felt Zero's hardness filling him once more. He was already somewhat prepped from before, so it wasn't too bad, but Zero took Kaname at his word and took no mercy on his tight, delightful, barely lubed body. He plundered the pureblood rapidly, demandingly, piercing him to the core repeatedly with a fervor that could only have been accomplished by someone who'd drunk as much pure blood as Zero had. Kaname had made Zero unnaturally strong, and the pureblood reaped both the benefits and drawbacks of that now as Zero's hips pounded him hard enough to leave bruises on his backside.

Zero kissed and bit Kaname's shoulders and neck with intoxicated, mesmerized intensity. It was indescribable to see the marks remain, to be able to go back to a bruise or a bite and lavish it again with his tongue and teeth, to feel Kaname gasp and shudder in his arms as the bruised skin became increasingly sensitive until every touch made the pureblood want to scream from blissful overstimulation.

Kaname was in a delightfully twisted version of heaven. Nothing existed but the feeling of Zero's body against his, the connectedness that seemed to make them move as one. The lingering soreness of his body, of bruises and bites that didn't fade but compounded and compounded upon each other, not to mention the indescribable roughness with which he was being taken... it was a truly unique experience and he was nearly weeping from sheer delight. They were definitely going to have to do this again.

Kaname and Zero both had stamina far beyond what would be considered normal, but at this pace it wasn't too many minutes before Zero found himself toppling over the edge. His hand slid between Kaname's thighs, squeezing and pumping him relentlessly to ensure that the pureblood had no choice but to find release as well. Zero gasped raggedly, burying his face against Kaname's neck as pleasure engulfed him. Kaname followed a few moments later. He cried out, despite himself as the sheer depth of the incredible climax ripped through every fiber in his being. Zero quickly covered Kaname's mouth with his, muffling and swallowing his sounds of ecstasy in a deeply passionate kiss.

Kaname rested his hands on either side of him on the railing, half supporting both he and Zero as their straining bodies relaxed in trembling completion. Zero leaned against him, their rapidly beating hearts only just starting to slow as they rested together, exhausted in the afterglow.

Diachi, Seiji and Lin were long gone by now and the grounds were silent save for birdsongs and their own rapid breathing. Given the full exposure to the sun that the lawn was now receiving, the other purebloods had probably left before Kaname and Zero had come back to the balcony rail the second time. Kaname didn't think they'd seen or noticed anything, but just at the moment, he didn't really even care. He felt too incredibly sated and fulfilled. Zero moved slowly inside him, prolonging the lingering tingles of pleasure for them both and Kaname moaned softly, running his fingers through his lover's pale hair appreciatively.

If Zero wasn't careful, he was going to get Kaname going again. It never took much for him. The odd, lingering way he still throbbed inside, sensitive and sore from the forceful coupling, was already making his body take notice and Kaname was slowly hardening again against Zero's stomach, which his lover could no doubt feel.

Zero smiled lazily at Kaname's reaction and lifted his head from where it'd been resting against the other's chest. The pureblood really was hopeless. Once was almost never enough for him. Twice usually wasn't either. Not that Zero was complaining... especially when he wasn't on the receiving end. Languidly, his tongue traced a nice dark love bite he'd made on the top of Kaname's shoulder.

It was strangely beautiful and compelling, seeing his marks on Kaname's usually flawless skin. No wonder Kaname loved to leave him covered in bites and bruises. There was something deeply primal about the physical signs of passion and possession that turned up the heat on the lazy fire still circulating through his system. The ex-human's eyes had lost their wild, dangerous hue and returned to their normal color, but there was a rare, distinctly dark playfulness in them.

"Sore, much?" he inquired with a grin as he rocked his hips again, slowly. He knew it was impossible for Kaname not to be after what they'd done and how intensely they'd done it.

Kaname gave him a playful glare, reckoning that Zero was enjoying this a little too much, although loving it all the same. "Not much," he lied with a careless, provocative smirk. His hands were resting on Zero's hips and he gave the other's backside a light smack. "I'd have thought you had more in you than that... Either you've been shirking your training or I'm not working you hard enough." The taunt was an open challenge and Zero accepted quite readily.

"Oh really?" He raised his eyebrow, his eyes flickering with playful danger before swiftly stepping back and pulling Kaname off the railing, only to turn him around and push him back down so the pureblood was bent over the top, his bruised backside presented invitingly. Kaname knew what Zero was doing and didn't fight, the hot tingle in his groin flaring back up to a real fire again as his lover pinned him in place and leaned over his back, hot mouth slowly tracing kisses along the graceful curve of Kaname's spine.

"Guess we'll have to keep working on it then, huh? What is it you like to tell me... don't stop until you get it right...?" he murmured wryly, throwing back a phrase that Kaname liked to taunt him with when they were sparring and Zero's energy started to run out. He nudged Kaname's feet farther apart, forcing his legs to spread. The hunter rubbed himself slowly and suggestively against his lover's backside.

Kaname half smirked, half glowered. Zero was definitely having way too much fun... and so was he. He couldn't tell anymore whether his skin was hot from embarrassment, the sun, or arousal. He probably should not enjoy this as much as he was, but it appealed to his masochistic side, which was obviously running at the fore today.

Vines suddenly snaked up the balcony railing and gently but very firmly twined around the pureblood's wrists, binding him to the balustrade. Kaname's head jerked up slightly as his stomach flip-flopped for the millionth time, a sweet, anxiously eager knot tightening in his gut.

Zero felt the slender body under him tremble in anticipation. There was no real need to restrain Kaname, but it was lovely to see him like this, and from the pureblood's reaction, Zero could tell he liked it. He kissed and rocked against his practically moaning lover until he was hard enough to penetrate him again in one deep thrust. Kaname gasped softly, fingers digging into the stone edge of the railing he was laid over, not quite prepared for what it felt like to be taken again when he was already so sensitive and raw. But he quickly thrust back against Zero, so there would be no mistaking that he wanted this. This position let Zero take him far deeper than before and Kaname trembled with the sensation and desire feeding through him. He groaned softly with each firm thrust, but he wanted more.

"Still have to do better..." Kaname taunted in a breathless murmur, eyes dancing as he delighted in goading his partner. He adored this darker and more playful side of his lover. This was such a novel experience and these were such unique, alien sensations from his unusually vulnerable body. His vampire endorphins were still fully engaged because he had already passed that threshold before he was injured by the hunter weapon. Mixed now with the strange, deep, raw ache of his slowed healing, the combination was wreaking strange and delightful havoc upon him.

Zero grinned in bemusement. He loved this infuriating, insatiable pureblood. He loved Kaname's passion and his playfulness, the way he could get so caught up and lost in pleasure he really was helpless and enough was never enough. He loved that Kaname could be overbearingly aggressive and dominating one minute and mind-blowingly seductive and submissive the next. He loved that Kaname had the strongest spirit he'd ever known, yet hid a deep, almost childish craving for affection and approval that he only ever allowed Zero to see... or to fill. He loved that Kaname had not let things end badly between them today and had instead somehow turned this into something unimaginable. Yes... there it was again, the twisted, hopeless, beautiful truth that he could no longer deny. That he no longer wanted to deny. He was in love with a pureblood vampire.

Kaname gave an impatient little jerk, tugging at the vines around his wrists and pushing back demandingly against Zero.

Zero's smile deepened. A very cheeky pureblood vampire who was currently asking for a nice little lesson in why it might not be a great idea to keep goading your partner when it was figuratively and literally your ass on the line.

Zero gave Kaname's backside a playful but none-too-gentle smack with his hand. Gripping the pureblood's hips he upped his rhythm forcefully, taking Kaname at the ruthless, punishing pace his lover obviously craved and delighting in the way the pureblood went crazy under his touch, groaning and bucking back against him like a lithe, live wire.

Zero intended to last longer this time and make sure Kaname got everything he wanted and then some. He leaned over the pureblood's back, hooking one hand under his lover's shoulder for purchase, in order to be able to take him harder, the other sliding under Kaname's chin and pulling his head back so he could captures his lips in a contradictorily sweet kiss, savoring the taste of each little cry and moan of pleasure and pain that he rung from that bruised, intoxicating mouth.

"Take it easy, Kaname," Zero breathed against his lover's lips. "You're not in the body you're used to. Keep pushing and you're not going to want to get out of bed until your healing kicks back in, trust me..." he warned breathlessly, groaning softly as he bucked hard into the intense velvet heat gripping him. He didn't think Kaname knew what he was getting himself into. The other vampire probably did not truly understand how hard it could be for Zero to move or how much he needed the blood that Kaname always gave him freely after being made love to for hours by a beautifully over-amorous pureblood.

Kaname shivered responsively under Zero. "I can think of a lot of delightful things to do while in bed..." he rejoindered in a husky, inviting tone made breathless by the force with which he was being smacked against the railing.

Zero bowed his head against the back of Kaname's shoulder with a soft, almost agonized groan. Yes, he bet Kaname could. The pureblood knew how to shake his world to the core with pleasure better than anyone else.

"Just... don't stop..." Kaname groaned through his teeth as Zero's fist curled around his arousal, engulfing his world in another layer of fiery ecstasy. "I want you... I want you until I can't think anymore... promise me you won't leave..." he begged and somehow, both of them knew he meant more than just in this situation.

Zero kissed him deeply, stroking his lover's arousal with one hand and his cheek with the other as he leaned over his back, supporting Kaname's head which he still held twisted towards him. "I won't leave. I'm right here, Kaname," he murmured back huskily. "I'm not going anywhere." He gasped softly as his pounding pulse began to quicken and spiral. "And neither are you... not until I'm done with you, my dear pureblood..." he added, making Kaname smile.

Zero kept his promise very thoroughly. The two lovers lost themselves in a delicious carnal haze that ceased to keep any track of time or place. All that mattered was each other. They made love on the balcony, on the balcony floor, on the bedroom floor, and finally on Kaname's lush, sprawling bed – a number of times – until both of them could barely move.

It was already early afternoon by the time Zero finally collapsed onto Kaname's back, way beyond exhausted, his fingers still curled around Kaname's wrists where he'd been holding the pureblood down. Kaname was so incredibly sensitive by now that he couldn't hold still, bucking and squirming with every deep thrust and screaming so much he was hoarse from ecstasy. But it was completely his fault they'd kept going this long, and the pureblood left Zero in no doubt at any time that he was entirely enjoying every moment of their somewhat brutal sensual overindulgence.

Zero slowly uncurled his aching fingers from Kaname's deeply bruised wrists and trailed his finger softly, tenderly across his lover's shoulder, too exhausted to move off of him just yet. Right at the moment, he felt like he might never move again. He was so exhausted, sated and drained that there was simply no description for it. It never ceased to amaze him that they could keep going like this. Zero had no sexual experience outside of the pureblood, but he kind of figured it couldn't possibly be normal. But then again, considering what he was, and who his partner was, normal was pretty relative. In any case, this was one of those things about being a vampire that definitely wasn't so bad.

"Kaname... I'm so tired I can't even blink..." he murmured, voice almost slurring from weariness. "If you still think I've left you lacking, we'll have to schedule a rematch." He nuzzled his face comfortably against the back of Kaname's neck and inhaled the other's scent slowly, contentedly.

Kaname groaned softly and gave a faint chuckle. He was more deeply sated than he'd ever felt. He felt so complete he ached from the fullness of it. Of course... that wasn't the only thing that ached. Everything seemed to be on fire, and it wasn't the aroused kind anymore. Now that his passion had finally been met and his body was cooling down from its fever pitch, the pain of what he'd put himself through was making itself known as, well... pain. A rather lot of it.

That was... weird. Unusual. Kaname was used to pain that lasted long enough to be pleasurable and then conveniently disappeared by the time the heat of the moment was over. The sensations he was feeling now weren't acting like they were in danger of going anywhere anytime soon and that wasn't an especially pleasant thought, but if he had it to do all over again, Kaname wouldn't do a single thing different.

"No, no... I think that was quite... sufficient..." the pureblood said wryly, voice slightly muffled by the pillows his face was resting against. His fingers knotted lightly in the sheets as he lay beneath Zero, concentrating on breathing slowly. "Although I may take you up on the rematch anyway.... one day... a long time from now..." he added ruefully.

Zero snorted softly. He could imagine, at least in part, how Kaname must be feeling right now. Kaname had left him aching pretty badly a number of times, especially early on in their relationship, before the pureblood got it through his head that Zero physically couldn't take as much as he could, but today had been way beyond normal for both of them. He rather suspected Kaname wouldn't have been able to imagine it if he wasn't experiencing it.

"Oh so now you're finally sore, huh?" Zero chuckled softly, carefully rolling off Kaname at last and spooning up behind him, cradling the pureblood tenderly in his arms. The ex-human winced slightly as he settled. Kaname's fangs and claws had left their mark on him too in a most avid fashion. His back and sides stung with the healing cuts his lover's nails had inflicted during their passion, but fortunately he still had his vampire healing going for him and they would fade soon enough.

Kaname rolled carefully onto his side as Zero shifted, snuggling back against the other. Zero knew that Kaname liked to cuddle after sex, and he'd come to enjoy the same. It was kinda... sweet. He kissed his lover's shoulder lightly. "I did try to warn you. Think you finally bit off more than you could chew?"

"I think it was you doing most of the biting in point of fact..." Kaname pointed out with amusement. "And I have the bruises to prove it. But yeah, you could probably say that," he admitted with a resigned grimace. "God... I hurt..." he murmured ruefully. He chuckled and it was almost a half little sob that he hadn't intended. Emotionally, he felt great. Physically... he was kinda hoping his healing kicked back in soon. Really soon. It wasn't that it was too very terrible... but Kaname simply wasn't used to being in pain. He had a very high threshold for having pain inflicted, but lingering pain was a different beast all together. It wasn't something he usually had to deal with.

"Yeah, I bet..." Zero's smile faded. Maybe he was a little too used to Kaname's invulnerability. Seriously... he knew how Kaname was capable of being when it came to pleasure – total reckless abandon. It was probably the only area in his life where the very cool and pragmatic pureblood was like that. Of course, maybe that was in fact why he was like that in that... he was so tightly controlled in every other aspect of his life; it could be that this was his one unguarded outlet.

Guilt and concern started to twine swiftly around the hunter's heart. He was the more experienced one on this side of things, he shouldn't have let Kaname goad him into being so rough, he should have been the voice of reason slowing things up so that his lover didn't end up quite this bad off afterwards. Zero frowned, suddenly noticing something else as he gazed at the pureblood's flushed back. It wasn't just flushed... uh oh...

He pressed his fingertips lightly against Kaname's unnaturally reddened skin and the pureblood flinched. The fingerprints left behind a pale impression that lingered for a few moments before fading back to the same rosy color the rest of the pureblood's overly-rosy skin.

"Um... Kaname... you've, uh... I think you've got a sunburn," he observed slowly. It was a pretty nasty one too from the looks of it. He'd thought Kaname's skin was merely flushed from their passion, but now that he stopped to examine it closely, it was obvious that what he had mistaken for a flush was in fact the first signs of a flaming sunburn that was beginning to show itself. Kaname's body was practically radiating heat as he held him. Crap... how had Kaname stood doing what they were doing with his skin this badly burned? Zero couldn't believe he hadn't even noticed it until now. Apparently Kaname wasn't the only one who could lose it a little when high on pleasure. Guilt dug its claws even deeper into the hunter.

"Yes. I know," Kaname responded with a tone that suggested it had been accompanied by an eye roll. Your knack for stating the obvious remains unparalleled I see was the obvious unspoken message.

"That's what happens when you force a vampire to be butt naked in broad daylight for hours..." he muttered, although to his credit he still sounded tiredly amused and was remaining good natured despite his own discomfort. Kaname would have burned from the exposure even without having his healing ability taken away. With that added on top... well, there was a reason he was staying very, very still on the soft sheets as he lay beside Zero. The reason being that moving was swiftly becoming hideously painful. He'd been aware of the burn for a while now, ever since it had started truly settling in. However, when his endorphins were up, when his and Zero's pheromones were in play – mixing together like an exotic cocktail, and his sex drive was in full gear then every stimulus, even this kind, really did turn into complete pleasure for him. It was part of pureblood physiology and perhaps a survival mechanism from ages past, given the naturally brutal natures of vampire kind in general. When Kaname was in heat, you could have put red hot nails through his hands and it would have felt good. Now, however, after the fact.... not so much.

Zero chuckled despite himself at the pureblood's words. It was just the way that Kaname had said it. He gave Kaname a little squeeze before realizing that was a mistake. Kaname didn't flinch this time but he remained very still. Zero knew that this was one area in which he actually had an advantage over the pureblood. Zero hadn't been born a vampire, so the sun did not affect him as severely as it did some vampires. He wasn't fond of heat, and had become less tolerant of direct sunlight in his eyes since he'd started drinking Kaname's blood. He was also prone to sunstroke if he exerted himself too much in broad daylight. However, since he'd also been – as Kaname had so delicately put it – butt naked and outside most of the day himself, and he wasn't at all burned... his skin was obviously not nearly as delicate in this particular manner as the pureblood's.

"I'm sorry," Zero whispered softly, and he meant it. He should have been more considerate. He should have realized what the sun would do to Kaname. He was moving well past guilt now and on to feeling truly terrible.

Carefully, slowly, Kaname rolled over to face Zero. He cupped his cheek lightly, his long thumb brushing Zero's cheekbone. "Don't be. I could have said something," he said quietly. "I didn't want to. I'll be fine in a while. You should enjoy admiring your handiwork while you can, before it fades," he said with a grin that was part smirk. Kaname glanced down at himself, amused at the multitude of bites and bruises adorning his skin. It looked like he'd been on the losing side of a fight. "I had no idea you had such a thorough job in mind when you said you wanted to mark me," he teased his lover with a playful twinkle in his exhausted eyes. "Did you enjoy it?" He wanted to draw Zero's mind away from the obvious guilt that was trying to eat at him. Kaname didn't want that. He'd asked for this and he wasn't sorry, no matter how he felt now. Besides... Kaname had seen a fledgling glimpse of Zero's vampire side on the surface today, driving the boy to give into his more primal desires, and the pureblood wanted to foster that. Wanted Zero to be able to accept and embrace all parts of himself without self recrimination.

Zero wasn't letting it go that easy. He swallowed, suddenly embarrassed to look at what he'd done to the pureblood's beautiful body. Yes... he'd enjoyed it so much there weren't words to describe it. Seeing the marks still turned him on, if there'd been anything left to turn on... but he suddenly wondered what the hell was wrong with him that he could take so much pleasure in his partner's pain. It had been exquisite – fingers and fangs digging into flesh, hearing Kaname scream... Zero felt confused and sick with himself. How could he do this to someone he loved?

"Yes," he whispered softly, guiltily, his fingers lightly reaching out to brush a bruise on the side of Kaname's neck. "I did. I'm so, so sorry, Kaname, really I am. I don't know what's wrong with me, why I acted like that..." his throat choked closed.

"Shh, shh..." Kaname leaned forward and brushed a kiss against Zero's lips, despite the discomfort of moving. His thumb stroked Zero's cheek comfortingly. "It's because you're a vampire, and so am I, and sometimes, we have needs that others cannot understand," he murmured tenderly. "There's nothing wrong with you. I really enjoyed seeing this side of you, Zero. Do I look like I feel sorry about it?" he inquired with a soft smile. "And no, I didn't ask you if I looked sorry," he teased mildly, trying to coax a smile from his lover. "Anyway, I'm not. I'd do it again. Just... not too soon." He quirked another grin and this time managed to get a hesitant responding smile from Zero.

Zero wasn't sure he'd ever understand the pureblood. He'd practically torn his lover apart, and Kaname swore he liked it. Maybe he was right about them being different. Them no... us... It was us wasn't it? He kept thinking of vampires as 'them' including Kaname, but somehow not himself. But he was one, wasn't he? Funny how that just didn't evoke as much disgust and loathing in him as it once had. It was a fact. One he didn't have to like perhaps, but one that he was finding less cause to hate the longer he was with the pureblood.

"Master Yagari said I was an idiot," he murmured faintly, turning his head into Kaname's hand and closing his eyes. "He's probably right, but I don't mind. You're worth being an idiot over." The confession was soft and husky, but obviously deeply heartfelt.

Kaname's heart throbbed softly with the gentle warmth of those words. He kissed his lover's brow tenderly, feeling his insides twist again at the thought of what ridicule Zero must have had to face from his own Sensei. "I'm so sorry about what happened with him, Zero," he whispered back. "Maybe he just needs some time to get over the surprise," he tried to encourage.

Zero's expression as his eyes opened again was dubious. "I doubt it. I don't think he could trust me again," he admitted, the pain of that evident in his eyes. The loss of that relationship was obviously still very raw for him.

Trust...

Kaname felt guilty. For being the reason Zero and Yagari quarreled... and because Zero wasn't the only one who'd been keeping things from someone they cared about...

Kaname closed his eyes. Not now... not now... you couldn't take it if he walked away from you like this, when you're already so weak. You know you couldn't... The pureblood's heart thudded nauseatingly, but he resisted the soft, panicked voices in his head. They sounded logical... but so had every single excuse he'd come up with before for keeping silent. There was never going to be the right time and it was only going to get worse the longer he delayed.

"Zero, I... I need to talk to you about something..." he whispered slowly, hesitantly opening his eyes and fixing his gaze on his lover with more than a little trepidation.

Zero could feel Kaname's heart pounding unnaturally fast as they lay curled together and he looked at his lover curiously. If he didn't know better, he'd think Kaname was afraid.

"It's about Yuki," Kaname murmured, pressing on before he could chicken out again.

Zero felt the all too familiar empty kick in his gut at the sound of her name and he breathed carefully around a chest that felt too tight. Yet at least... at least he didn't feel like he was going to break into a million pieces just thinking of her, that was something. He now had a feeling he knew where this was going.

Kaname tried not to feel unnerved by Zero's lack of response and continued. "These past months, I've been exerting a lot of effort trying to find out more information about the illness that killed her. It was not a natural pathogen; it was man-made and fairly unique. I have been trying to track down who made it, who targeted her, and why. It's... it's been slow going, the trail is well covered, but there's been some progress here and there. Later, I would like to go over all the details with you, if - if you want to. Actually, this is why I've been fostering such close relations with the Satos," he admitted, his voice lowering slightly, as it became inevitable to admit that he had lied about it not only by omission, but actively as well. "Diachi is well connected in the pharmaceutical research and development communities. I need his resources, and he sees it as an opportunity to be on a good footing to leverage other business arrangements with me. This is actually what they were here for today. I... I meant to tell you this morning..." Kaname closed his eyes, swallowing hard.

Zero regarded the pureblood silently for a moment. He already knew some of this, of course, but he had to admit that it was important to him that Kaname was telling him without being confronted about it. Hurt throbbed dully in his chest, but surprisingly he found that his anger over it had all disappeared. How could he be angry when Kaname looked so miserable and hesitant?

He remembered once, Yuki had told him that even if Kaname betrayed her she would be okay with that. At the time, he'd thought her slightly insane, but he understood now... because he found he felt the same. Not that it didn't still hurt, but he could try to understand, and he could forgive. Because that's what you did when... when you loved someone.

"I see. And you didn't think this was something that concerned me? Or you just didn't you trust me?" the soft whisper was sad, but not angry or surprised.

The sorrow in the tone though was worse than anything else could have been and Kaname's heart throbbed in pain. He didn't know why always seemed to mess up with Zero. He was used to living his life a certain way and answering to no one, but now...

"No, that's not it, Zero! I just... I... I should have told you before, I'm sorry," Kaname whispered softly, knowing he had no excuse.

"Yes, you should have," Zero's voice was quiet, but even.

Kaname flinched slightly, his gaze fixed on the mattress between them. He was physically weak and wrung out right now, and that seemed to thin and lower his emotional buffers as well.

"But I think I understand why you didn't," Zero continued, voice still quiet, but gentler now. The realization had come softly to him sometime during the day's events. His hand cupped Kaname's flushed cheek, making the pureblood's eyes dart up towards him in surprise.

The shock in the pureblood's gaze was clear. As was the aching depth of emotion and the vividly clear yearning for forgiveness and affection that burned so unusually bright in the dark garnet eyes.

That look actually made Zero's heart catch in his chest, his gaze softening in surprise of his own. There was a part of Kaname that was always guarded, hidden behind his naturally controlling and compelling nature... but he wasn't guarded now. There was something so vulnerably raw in his gaze... something that pleaded so desperately for acceptance and understanding that Zero felt his throat tighten and his chest ache in response.

Looking in those eyes, Zero knew that this truly wasn't an issue of how much the pureblood did or didn't trust him. Kaname kept his secrets because he was so used to walking alone. That was it, wasn't it? Because he'd never had anyone it was safe to entrust them with. Old habits died hard... for them both.

"You thought it would be too much for me. Every time you've dealt with the Satos... you're always so sad afterwards, and I didn't know why. It hurt you to deal with her death, so being the genius that you are, you decided that it was a burden you needed to carry all alone, am I right?" he whispered.

Kaname looked at Zero, hesitant and somewhat stunned at being understood so thoroughly. That was not something he had expected. Anger, moodiness, hurt, mistrust... those were the reactions he had expected. Not this... this... unimaginable understanding and forgiveness. His fingers lightly covered Zero's. He was awed by the softness in his lover's eyes and he gave a small, slow nod. "Yes," he whispered. "I know it wasn't the right approach, but you were hurting so desperately, and I thought, if there was any way I could spare you a little... I didn't want you to have to hurt anymore."

Zero stroked Kaname's cheek gently, feeling the aching lump in his throat swell a little larger. If he'd had any lingering ill feelings over the matter, they would have completely dissolved under the pureblood's earnest gaze. "But I was hurting, Kaname. Just because we don't talk about it, doesn't mean that Yuki's death doesn't... doesn't still kill me inside," he whispered, tears rising unbidden to his eyes despite his best efforts. "And when I see you hurting and I don't know why, when you keep secrets and lie to me like you don't trust me... that hurts me deeply too."

"It wasn't that I didn't trust you," Kaname assured again quickly with a soft note of anguish. "That was never..."

Zero touched Kaname's lips lightly with his finger to hush him. He shook his head. "I know, I get that now. I just meant..." he searched somewhat haltingly for words. "Please don't hide from me. You carry your pain all alone, and it makes me feel like I can't reach you, or like you don't want me to reach you." His finger traced Kaname's jaw gently and he gave a soft, rueful sigh. The fact was... he realized now that he had done no different. Had he ever tried to talk to Kaname about Yuki? Had he ever felt like he could share the hurt inside him with anyone else? Maybe Kaname would have opened up with him if he'd ever broached the matter himself. "And I'm sorry. I know I've done the same," he murmured.

Kaname's hand slid up and curled tightly around Zero's. He didn't know what to say. "You already knew," he whispered, seeing that truth in Zero's eyes. He'd obviously already been thinking about all of this, before the pureblood's confession.

Zero nodded faintly. "Seiji told me," he admitted softly.

Kaname pressed his eyes shut with a soft exhale of pain. "Oh God, Zero... I'm sorry... you should not have had to hear it from him."

"It doesn't matter," Zero murmured. It did... or at least, it had. But now... now it no longer felt so important. Close to Kaname like this, Zero knew that it didn't matter in the long run. Kaname was Kaname. He would never really change. He was a pureblood vampire. He was born to rule and to control. He was strong willed and would always do whatever he thought best. But he had made a place in his life for Zero. Kaname wanted him enough to try to change, to try to figure out how to merge two such stubborn and strong willed individuals into a life they could share without sacrificing their individuality.

Zero could do no less. He knew that part of that was being willing to give a little sometimes, to make allowances and move on. It was the only way things could ever hope to work between them. And he wanted them to work... from the bottom of his heart, he did.

Leaning forward, he brushed warm, gentle lips across Kaname's, kissing him softly and tenderly.

Kaname's eyes fluttered open, glistening with tears of surprise, awe and adoration he didn't try to hide. He didn't know how Zero could forgive him like this, especially given the manner of how he'd found out and whatever cruel and malicious things Seiji had undoubtedly said. He knew if the situation was reversed he would have been hurt and furious... but he needed Zero's care and forgiveness right now. He needed it so much it burned in his heart and overflowed as soft tears down his cheeks as he kissed Zero back with tender, intense affection, arm curling around Zero's back, fingers tangling in his hair despite the pain of moving the sunburned limbs. He needed... he needed Zero to love him. It could never be, but at moments like this, it felt like he did, and at least Kaname knew he cared. It would have to be enough. Just so Zero stayed close to him always, so the pureblood could love him silently with every beat of his heart, even if the feeling was never returned in quite the same way.

Kaname knew now, that all he really needed in this life was that which was currently in his arms. He would do anything for this boy. If Zero demanded it, he would renounce the rest of the world and let them all go to hell.

Zero kissed him back softly, intently, tenderly.

"What do you miss most about her?" Kaname whispered softly after a minute or two, when he was again resting with his head on the pillow, facing Zero. It was difficult for him to ask, and yet it was freeing too.

Zero swallowed, fingers trailing absently through Kaname's hair. "I don't know. Maybe the way she could never get math problems right or the way she was always... always dragging me around and driving me crazy," he closed his eyes, a silent tear burning down his cheek. "Her beautiful, caring, tender nature..." His heart ached, but he found that strangely enough, he wanted to talk about it. He wanted to share his precious memories with someone who understood and would treasure them also. He wanted to share his pain... and to share in Kaname's. "What about you?"

Kaname kissed the tear on Zero's cheek softly. "So many things. Like the way she would run up and hug me when she was a little girl. She was the only one who wasn't too afraid or too respectful to just... touch me. Her smile, her laugh, the way her soul seemed to dance in her eyes..."

"Yeah," Zero murmured hoarsely. "I miss that too." He smiled softly through his tears. "I don't miss her cooking though. Really, she was almost as bad in the kitchen as you are."

Kaname gave a soft, pained chuckle. "Hey, I take exception to that... and you should be glad you didn't have to pretend to love her special recipes when she was seven and first discovered the 'joys' of the kitchen. Garlic and chocolate were never meant to come together in this universe, trust me."

Despite himself, Zero laughed softly. They talked for a little while, tears and laughter interspersed and it seemed somehow, that the ache lightened a little in the sharing. Perhaps the wounds would never truly disappear, but the agony eased under the gentle salve of companionship and understanding.

They were both emotionally and physically exhausted, but after a while Zero finally rolled out of bed with a stiff wince and went off to find something for Kaname's sunburn. The pureblood hadn't said anything, but his skin was still livid and Zero could see the pain etched in his stillness and subtle winces. He could tell it must really hurt, no matter how good Kaname was at trying to hide it.

Kaname couldn't move, or at least, he didn't want to. Just bending and unbending his arms made his skin feel like it was ten times too tight and covered in napalm. So he remained where he was on the bed until Zero returned. He was so tired he might have drifted off to sleep if he didn't hurt so badly.

He winced as the bed sank when Zero climbed back on. He opened his eyes and saw that his lover was wearing a robe now.

"I found I found after-sun lotion," the ex-human said, brandishing a bottle of aloe-vera with a mild topical analgesic. "You would be surprised at the variety of things Seiren apparently keeps on hand," he added wryly as he squirted a generous amount into his hand.

"No, I wouldn't," Kaname replied, watching Zero somewhat warily. "You didn't tell her what it was for...?"

Zero rolled his eyes. Get that protective bloodhound worried about Kaname's state of health? Not likely. "No, I'd like to stay alive thank-you-very-much. She thought it was for me. Roll onto your stomach."

Hesitantly, Kaname obeyed, rolling onto his stomach with a grimace so Zero could treat his back first. His body tensed and he gritted his teeth, unable to stifle a yelp as Zero spread the cold cream onto the back of his shoulder. His fingers curled into the sheets urgently and Zero paused in deep concern.

"Cold..." Kaname croaked softly, trying and failing to regain his composure and not claw a hole in the mattress. "It's, um... cold." He was speaking through clenched teeth, in obvious pain.

Zero seemed nonplussed for a moment, but finally he went into the bathroom and soaked the plastic bottle in hot water for a little while until it felt warm in his hand, then he brought it back in. He rubbed the pale cream around between his palms to try to further warm it up before carefully attempting to apply it to his lover's sunburn again.

Kaname still winced and groaned as the lotion was spread across his fevered skin, but although it still felt cool against his hot body, it was a little better than before. Zero smoothed it on as gently as he could, fingers sliding slowly over the muscled planes of his lover's back, shoulders and hips. He tried to be careful of the bites and bruises as well as the sunburned flesh.

Although it hurt like heck going on, presently the cream began to do its job and Kaname felt a small bit of relief from the hot, dry pain of the burn. With Zero's help he turned over onto his back in order to allow the ex-human to reach his front next. Although it was just as painful and his lotion covered back was now sticking uncomfortably to the silk sheets, this position was better because he could see Zero while he worked. His gaze lingered on the boy's smooth, intent features as he bent to his task with the careful deliberation one might apply to polishing a priceless, fragile artifact. Kaname liked the way Zero's short silver hair fell in his face when he bent forward, and the unconscious way he worried his moist, flushed lower lip with his teeth when he was concentrating.

Zero became aware of Kaname's intense, enraptured gaze and ducked his head a little, pale cheeks coloring just a tad. His fingers moved gently down Kaname's thighs and legs as he continued to apply the salve. At least the inside of Kaname's thighs weren't burned, but the outsides were and the ex-human was as careful as possible.

"So... why did you call me back?" He asked softly as he finished up, partially to distract himself and partially to distract Kaname, whom he knew was suffering silently. "Earlier, I mean, when I was going to leave? I was trying to make you angry," he admitted. "I was afraid I was losing it and wanted you to push me away. Why didn't you?" Maybe he shouldn't have asked, but conversation had been flowing so freely for them this past little while, he found himself voicing the question before he could second guess himself. If Kaname had merely been too aroused and keyed up to let the matter drop, he could understand that. Yet some part of him wondered if there was more to it... not that it was very likely Kaname would tell him if there was.

"I..." Kaname hesitated, the unexpended question catching him off guard and at a loss for a safe answer. A million excuses whirled through his mind, but... he couldn't bring himself to lie. Not now, not after all they had just shared. "I..." but it was hard to say and he didn't know how. Dare he? He would trust Zero with his life... could he trust him with his heart? Trust him enough to say the words that frightened him the most and hope to not be judged or scorned for them?

Zero could see the question was hard for Kaname to answer and he didn't want to cause him anymore discomfort today. He hadn't realized it would be a difficult topic. "Never mind, it doesn't matter, forget it," he dismissed his own question quickly, dipping his head down and brushing a light kiss against Kaname's lips as he wiped the excess lotion off his hands on a towel he'd brought from the bathroom.

Kaname closed his eyes and swallowed, the warmth of Zero's lips lingering on his even after they withdrew. The pureblood's heart ached with emotion. Even after hours of lovemaking, he felt the urge to pull Zero back for another kiss, to just... to just savor the soft, intimate contact of their lips caressing. Kaname hadn't been fully aware of how desperate he had been for this small, seemingly insignificant gesture of affection and tenderness until today when Zero broke the long standing taboo between them.

Zero carefully pulled the sheet partially up over Kaname's naked body, covering him to the waist and trying to settle it lightly so it wouldn't stick too badly to the lotion.

"I didn't want to lose you," the pureblood answered honestly, voice barely a whisper. The question had been asked, it deserved an answer. Maybe... maybe it was better if Zero knew, even if it freaked him out or disgusted him. Deep down, Kaname knew he could trust Zero. Maybe, if Zero knew... at least he would understand why Kaname acted the way he did. "I was afraid that if you left, you wouldn't come back, and I couldn't live if that happened."

Of all the answers possible, Zero had not expected that one. Yet... he realized it was the one he'd been hoping for. "You... couldn't?" he breathed softly, feeling like his heart had stopped beating as he gazed across at Kaname. "Why?"

Kaname's eyes stayed shut. Damn... this was embarrassing... and yet... he ached to unburden himself of the secret. He was so exhausted and run out that he just didn't have the strength to fight. He was already completely vulnerable to Zero, what was one more admission?

"Because I need you. Because I... love you," he murmured, turning his face to the side against the pillow and breathing raggedly. Great way to set himself up to get emotionally kicked when he already physically felt like crap... but he'd wanted so badly to tell. He instantly wished he could pull it back however. The words had tumbled out almost on their own and the pureblood was suddenly frightened. What was he thinking? Zero was going to laugh at him... or worse – run away, now, when Kaname was in no physical shape to stop him. It was stupid, insane, Kaname knew that, he knew...

"I love you too."

The soft words knifed through Kaname's thoughts and his eyes sprang open, head coming back up out of the pillow as he looked at Zero in shock.

The hunter was staring at him in a mixture of awe and surprise that mirrored his own. There were tears swimming in the amethyst eyes. Zero had never expected Kaname to say something like that. That he needed him, sure, but he loved him? He'd never thought Kaname could feel that way about him. Never expected to hear those words that he only realized now he had ached to hear for a long time.

His own, instant reply had shocked Zero nearly as much, but it had just come automatically, as if it'd been bursting to come out forever. He'd just been too afraid to admit it to anyone, even himself, and least of all Kaname. Apparently... Kaname had been feeling the same way.

Kaname forgot to breathe. Time had stopped and he was just staring at Zero, as if wondering if he was dreaming and desperately hoping he wasn't. He realized he was crying only because his vision was blurry and he felt wetness on his cheeks. How long had he dreamed of hearing Zero say that? How long had he thought he would only ever hear it in his dreams?

"W-what?" he murmured hoarsely, as if he couldn't quite believe it, as if he was half afraid he had fallen asleep while Zero was tending him and he would wake any moment to find this an illusion.

"I love you, you stupid, unpredictable, amazing pain in the butt," Zero's voice rasped and shook slightly as if with a sob as the tears in his eyes escaped down his cheeks. He smiled at Kaname through the tears. "What do you think I said?"

That declaration was too uniquely Zero to be part of any dream. Kaname half laughed, half choked on the incredible mountain sized lump in his throat. Completely heedless of his sunburn, he sat up wrapped his arms around Zero, pulling him into a tearful, passionate kiss.

"Oh, God, Zero... I love you..." he whispered hoarsely into their kiss, their tears mingling together and flavoring the kiss lightly with salt. "I have for so long... I was so afraid you'd think I was a freak if I told you." Kaname's heart felt so light, he felt like there was this unstoppable well of joy bubbling up inside him like a geyser. He didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted to laugh, to cry, to kiss Zero until the end of time...

Zero held Kaname as tightly as he could while still trying to be gentle with his burn, kissing him back with tender fierceness. He didn't know he could feel this happy. It was such an intense emotion it almost hurt, but it was a beautiful, beautiful pain. "You are a freak," he murmured with a shaky, wry, radiant grin. "But apparently so am I, and I love that about you. I love everything about you. I-I never thought you could love someone like me." It was such a freedom to just say it. To find the feeling returned... Zero found himself crying and laughing at the same time.

Kaname seemed similarly torn between tears and mirth. He stroked Zero's cheek as they gazed at each other in rapturous delight and wonder. "You mean someone so strong, so selfless, so beautiful and caring?"

Zero grinned, ducking his head self-consciously. He really didn't see what Kaname saw in him, but it meant the world to him that the other thought so. When Kaname said it, he could almost believe it. "I was thinking more along the lines of yet one more besotted soul who adored you hopelessly. I know you get that from a lot of people. Everyone loves you, and I can't blame them. How could anyone not?" He kissed Kaname softly, reverently. "You're a very special person, Kaname. But you're... you're more than special to me." You mean everything to me. Zero didn't know how to find the words to say exactly what was in his heart, but his eyes said it, and he hoped Kaname could understand.

Kaname did. "People respect me and fear me, they don't love me," he murmured. "I have some dear friends who I know really do care, but you're the only one I want to love me. The only one I love." His lips brushed Zero's lightly. "Always."

"Always..." Zero murmured back. Fingers tangled in hair and kisses were exchanged in rapturous, giddy delight. It was too perfectly ridiculous and too perfectly wonderful.

"We are so pathetic, you realize that..." Kaname chuckled, his eyes sparkling with sheer enchantment as he finally settled back against the pillows, looking at Zero, who was not disgusted nor freaked out... who... remarkably, felt the same way he did. Perhaps fate was not as cruel as he had always supposed.

"You're pathetic, I'm ambitious," Zero retorted with a grin. It was unbelievable how light his heart felt, and that twinkle in Kaname's gaze... he'd not seen those gorgeous eyes look so alive in a long, long time. "I'm not the one who fell for a flunky, after all. I have much better taste than that."

Kaname laughed again, despite how that movement made everything hurt. "Gold digger," he teased, finger lightly tracing Zero's beautiful, delightful lips and then down his jaw and neck. "But you are not a flunky. I won't have you insulting my taste."

Zero laughed softly. "Oh, right, heaven forbid that your taste should be brought into question..."

Kaname grabbed the front of Zero's robe and tugged him down close with a deep, deep grin. "Zero? Shut up and kiss me again..."

Still chuckling from the sheer joy in his heart, Zero did.