A/N: Thank you for all the supportive responses to my return. It's amazing what a snow day can do for your writing mojo :)


Chapter 29:

If shame had a face
I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes?
Would you believe me
If I said I am tired of this
Well here we go now one more time

Lifehouse

Bella POV:

"What the fuck is this?!" Edward roared.

There was commotion all around me.

"What kind of fucking games are you playing here?!" Emmett yelled, coming to Edward's defense. Both looked like they were ready to pummel James any second. I wondered what was holding them back. I wouldn't stop them.

"Get Aro on the phone right now!" Rosalie snapped at Demetri. She was furiously scrolling through her contacts.

Jasper and Alice stood off to the side in a hushed, but heated conversation.

And I stood stoic.

I couldn't flinch, blink, or tear my gaze away from James. He seemed to be ignoring everyone's demands around him, and continued to stare back at me...giving me a viciously, victorious grin. Every inch of my body wanted to run...scream...cry. But I didn't dare move. That fucker wanted to see me break down. And I most certainly was going to. But not in front of him.

Charlie stood beside me, processing everything that was unfolding around us. He leaned in closer to me. "Is this the girl you replaced because of her drug addiction?"

I gave a slight nod and licked my parched lips. "Among other things."

Oh Charlie, if you only knew the half of it.

Edward's restraint had seemed to reach its limit. He lunged at James, grabbing him by the collar. "You think you can just fuck with people's lives, you spineless little fuck?!"

"Edward!" Esme gasped. Carlisle came up behind Edward and placed a hand on his shoulder, gently pulling him away from James.

James gave a small laugh and smoothed back down his jacket, trying to seem unfazed. But I had seen the quick glint of fear flash in his eyes when Edward grabbed him. Good. I hope he's afraid.

Edward let out a frustrated yell and yanked at the end of his hair. For the first time, he glanced over in my direction, casting me a worried look. I refused to return his gaze. I couldn't meet his eyes right now. I was humiliated. While I wanted Tanya gone as much as Edward did, we weren't on the same side. We didn't get to unite in a common bond. No, Edward had dug this mess for himself. So why did I keep getting dragged down into it?

I was legitimately concerned for how this would affect Edward. I knew he was freaking out for good reason. The guy had finally felt like he was getting back on track, only for Tanya to come and derail him again. But I couldn't feel sympathy for him right now. I was in survival mode.

"If I may," Carlisle spoke up. "Edward's team at Promises has put in place an extensive support system while he's on tour. This is an extremely delicate situation, and as his doctors have stated, not the ideal one either. Edward's recovery can't be jeopardized with another addict on tour."

"But I'm not an addict," Tanya spoke up. It was actually the first time I even noticed her. She was now standing next to James in a metallic tank top, black Lycra pants, and gold stilettos. Her top hung dangerously low, flashing an enormous amount of cleavage. She seemed to have toned down her makeup since the last time I saw her, but her demeanor still reeked of sex.

Sex with Edward. Before I could stop myself, images of the two of them flashed into my head. His hands all over her body...his lips on top of hers. I was going to be sick.

"You don't stop being an addict!" Edward snapped angrily at her.

"I'm sober, like you," Tanya reiterated. "My father and James decided this was the best place for me to work on my music again. It will help to have a sober tour mate and, hopefully, I won't have as many temptations."

I wondered if she considered Edward a temptation or conquest.

"Have you even consulted with your doctors?" Carlisle pushed. "This is something most people don't recommend."

"My father knows what's best," Tanya said, sticking her chin up defiantly. She leveled her gaze at Edward, crossing her arms in front of her; her cleavage pushed up even further. "Besides, if this tour is all about second-chances, you of all people deserve to give me mine...considering you're the one who ruined my career in the first place."

Edward opened up his mouth to retort, but then snapped it back shut and hung his head. Did she really just silence him with that?!

"Just like you have plans put in place for Edward, Tanya's father has put multiple plans in place for her as well," James spoke to Carlisle. "Let me worry about my client."

"Isabella's your client too!" Emmett spoke up.

James turned his attention back to me, the same shit-eating smile plastered all over his face. "That she is. But Isabella has also made it perfectly clear that she can handle herself. Isn't that right, Darling?"

My skin crawled at his sexual undertone. I saw Edward stiffen and flex his fist out of the corner of my eye.

"Besides, I don't see why this should be a concern to Isabella. There's no conflict of interest I should know about, is there?" He was baiting me. Wanting me to admit what Tanya had done in front of everyone. I swallowed hard, refusing to give him any type of answer.

"I'll talk to Aro and get this all straightened out," Demetri spoke up, obviously trying to smooth over the tension that was now filled to the brim on stage. "In the mean time, let's continue with the rehearsal schedule. We're 6 days out til opening night."

"We'll see about that. I'll talk to Aro. Get him on the phone with me right now." Edward said to Rosalie. He stormed towards the wings of the stage. As he passed by James, Edward shoved him hard, causing James to stumble backwards. Edward jammed his finger into James's chest, their faces inches apart. "You just fucked with the wrong guy."

Edward stormed back stage. Rosalie quickly followed, already speaking angrily on the phone with someone. Now that Edward had left the room, all eyes were on me. My muscles were starting to ache from not moving. Jasper and Emmett cast apologetic looks towards me. I closed my eyes, tuning them out. I refused to be pitied.

Demetri cleared his throat. "Let's take a break for the rest of the day, while I get everything sorted out. Isabella, you're required to be at sound check at 9am tomorrow. James, I'd like to speak to you backstage."

After Demetri and a majority of the remaining crowd mingled off stage, James strolled over to me, whistling a tune. That self-righteous asshole. I prepared myself for another verbal spar; but before James could reach me, Charlie stepped in front, blocking his way.

"I'm not sure what games you're playing, Mr. Laurent. But I suggest you stay away from Isabella right now."

James looked amused. "Oh? And how am I supposed to do that when I'm her manager? If you wanted to take care of her, you never should have given up your reigns."

"I may no longer be her manager, but I am her father. And, trust me, when I say I'll do anything to make sure my daughter is protected." James and I both looked down, noticing Charlie's hands tightening into fists. Would Charlie really hit James? I couldn't imagine a more glorious moment.

James seemed to be wondering the validity of Charlie's nonverbal threat as well. He finally nodded and backed up, walking in the direction that Demetri had gone. "Isabella, I'll see you at 9am sharp," he called over his shoulder. "Sleep tight."

Once he was out of sight, I took a deep breath, finally letting my body relax just a bit. Charlie turned towards me, concern etched all over his face. "What the hell is going on?"

I shook my head. I couldn't get into this now. "Not now, Charlie. I'll tell you everything. I promise. But I just need some time alone."

I walked down the hallway, leading to the exit. I had kept my composure long enough, but I knew I was a walking time bomb at this point. I had to get as far away from this hellhole as soon as possible.

Edward stood a few hundred feet away, blocking my exit. He was clearly agitated, cursing loudly on the phone.

"I don't care where he fucking is! You get him on the fucking phone right this fucking minute or I'm on the next flight home!" He looked up when I walked past him. He paused in his conversation; his eyes pleading with me. "Bella..."

I kept walking and held up my hand to stop him, shaking my head. I couldn't do this right now. Especially with him. I knew he didn't know about this. I knew he didn't want this to happen. It really didn't make a difference.

I pushed open the door, letting the sunlight hit my face. I couldn't gulp in the fresh air fast enough. Everything in that building felt stale. I searched around the parking lot until I found the tour bus with my name marked on it. Walking over to it, I gave a silent prayer of thanks when I pulled the door handle and found it unlocked. Quickly locking it behind me, I stood in the middle of the bus surveying my surroundings. And then I screamed as loud as I possible could.

Tears streamed down my cheeks, while I yelled at the top of my lungs over and over again, until my voice was raw. I had been played by everyone. James, once again, had the upper hand. And Aro was only looking out for himself. He hadn't even mentioned a film crew would be following us around. I already pictured how they would edit the shitty movie – Isabella Swan the fucking fool who went on tour with her ex-boyfriend and his druggy mistress.

I couldn't trust anyone. Not even myself. I was the idiot who had gone with my gut, thinking this tour would be the best option. I knew there was the potential that this would end up being a big mistake...but never had I dreamed of Tanya. How could I even look at her without imagining everything Edward had done to her? Did he touch her the way he touched me? Did he cry out her name the same way he moaned mine? I was torturing myself with these thoughts, and yet as much as I tried to stop them, they continued to flood my brain.

I ran to the bathroom and got sick.

After flushing the toilet, I let out a few more sobs and then gripped the seat, pulling myself back up. I stared at my reflection in the small cabinet mirror. My face was pale; tears and mascara were streaked down my cheeks. What the fuck are you doing, Isabella? Get a grip.

I turned on the water and washed my face, trying to rinse off any evidence of my meltdown. This is what James wanted. He wanted to break me down. He had some sort of sick pleasure in trying to make me suffer. Don't give in.

I patted my face with the hand towel that was hanging on the ring against the wall. I stared long and hard at the person I had become. I wasn't the naive little girl that I had been on American Idol anymore. There were no stars in my eyes. The past few months had left me jaded and cynical. And while I mourned that lost part of me, it also left me with an advantage. I was a lot more savvy. I didn't know if I could beat James at his game...but I knew how to play him.

Alright, Isabella, you had your moment of weakness. You got it out of your system.

Now fight back.


That night I dreamed I was at a fair with Edward. We rode the Ferris wheel, ate cotton candy, and went into a fun house. As we twisted through the maze, we became separated from one another. I ended up in the room of mirrors. Instead of watching my image go from fat to skinny, each mirror held a different version of myself. In one mirror, I was a little girl, happily holding Charlie and Renee's hands. In another, I was older, but still in college.

I walked up to a mirror and came face-to-face with Edward's reflection. I smiled, thinking he was beside me, but when I turned my head, the room was still empty. I looked back at his reflection, but this time Tanya was standing by his side; his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Not wanting to see them together, I shut my eyes and tried to find an exit. But when I opened them, James was now in front of me. I reached my hand out and realized he wasn't a reflection. He let out a sick laugh before lunging at me.

I woke up in a cold sweat.

My call time was set for 9am, but I was unable to get back to sleep after my nightmare. Even though the clock next to my bed said 7:30, I quickly got dressed and decided to head to the arena early.

After I had composed myself the day prior, Alice had come to the tour bus to check on me. Even though I had just told myself to pull it together, I ended up in tears all over again. I allowed myself one last pity-party, before resolving to solve the problem.

"Just say the word, Isabella, and I can loosen all the stitches in her costumes."

I half-laughed, half-snorted. "She'd probably like the attention it would get her."

Alice and I spent most of the night trying to figure out the next step in my battle with James. It was so hard to come up with any sort of game plan when we had no clue what his next move would be. We decided that Alice would try to eavesdrop backstage as much as possible to find out what he was up to. In the mean time, I refused to let James know he had gotten to me. Easier said than done.

I arrived on stage about a half hour before call time. Reveling in the fact that I had the place to myself, I sat down at the piano in the middle of the stage and began to play a melodic tune. Lyrics had been running through my head all night, and while I hadn't figured out the entire song yet, it was my own little pep talk to myself.

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

I hummed along to the notes that were playing beneath my fingers, unsure exactly how the song would end. I still hadn't convinced myself that everything would be okay. When the song was over, a slow clap echoed through the stadium. I looked to see James standing in the front row. A shiver ran up my spine.

"Well done, Isabella. I must say, I'm surprised to see you here so early. Couldn't wait to see me again?"

"There's a lot of work to be done." I shrugged, trying to ignore his gross innuendos.

James slowly made his way towards the base of the stage. My nerves stood on edge with each step that brought him closer to me. I tried to remember if I had seen anyone in the nearby vicinity as I entered. We couldn't be completely alone in this arena, could we?

"I see you're already working on those new songs Aro wants, like a good little girl. I'm sure the audience will love to hear your sad, pathetic sob stories. Always playing the victim, right?" James was now on the stage and only a few feet away from me. "Tell me, do you have a song yet about your druggy boyfriend fucking the opening act?"

I clenched my teeth, refusing to answer. Don't give in, Isabella. Don't let him see you sweat.

"I can't imagine how humiliating it will be for you when everyone finds out. Would be a shame if someone let it slip to the media."

So this was his plan. He was going to try and shame me right off the tour. Unable to keep my composure any longer, I slammed my hands down on the piano keys; the loud clang echoed through the arena. "What the fuck do you want, James?"

"Oh, Isabella, the things that I want are too inappropriate to share."

"You slimy, sleazy, son of a bitch!" I jumped off the bench, staring him down.

"Now, now, Isabella. I think we both know that I am a man willing to negotiate. If this is all too much for you, I'd be happy to help you get off this tour. We seem to be good at that, right? I'd hate for you to be in such emotional distress. Trust me, this time I won't even have you sign any contracts. I could think of other arrangements."

James reached his hand out to stroke my cheek, but I quickly slapped him away. "Don't you fucking touch me."

He sneered and grabbed my hand, tightly squeezing my wrist. The sinister look was back in his eyes. I felt the same ripple of fear course through my body that I had at the VMA's.

"Get your hands off my daughter!" Charlie's voice boomed from the wings. James instantly released me, taking a few steps back. Charlie and Demetri both walked together onto the stage; Charlie continued to glare at James. I gulped in a few deep breaths, trying to calm my heart rate. I still refused to let James see me shake.

"James, what are you doing here? I thought Aro made it clear last night that you were to keep your focus on Tanya. I'll oversee Isabella from now on," Demetri said.

Wait, what?

"She's still my client," Jame countered.

Demetri calmly nodded. "For now."

I looked at James and a huge smile slowly crept across my face. I didn't have to deal with this motherfucker anymore. If I wasn't trying to act so calm and professional at the moment, I would be waving my middle-finger in front of him.

"Tanya's call time is at 11am. We'll see you then."

James glowered at Demetri, shot me one more menacing look, and stormed off the stage. Charlie came over to me and gently grabbed my hand.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing. He was just being the same asshole he's always been." I turned my attention to Demetri. "You spoke to Aro?"

Last night Alice told me that Rosalie and Edward had both been putting calls in to Aro nonstop; neither had yet to reach him. Not wanting to stay silent, I decided to inundate him as well. It was clear by the time I called that the receptionist was fed up with the barrage of calls she was receiving. She assured me she'd pass along my message, but I knew I was at the bottom of the totem pole.

Demetri nodded. "It seems Tanya was a last-minute addition to the line-up. Mr. Denali pulled rank on that one."

"And Aro just assumed we'd all go along with it?!"

"Oh no, he was well aware there'd be some...reservations," Demetri said, wryly. "Because there's a conflict of interest between you and Tanya, Aro thinks it will be best for everyone if I take over as your point-person for the remainder of the tour."

"And this is just supposed to fix everything?" While I was relieved I would be free from James, it sounded as if Tanya was staying.

"We're making the best out of an extremely difficult situation."

"A situation you didn't have to put any of us in to begin with!" I snapped. "Edward isn't going to agree to this. And you can't have a tour without him."

"Actually, Aro spoke to Edward last night. I wasn't privy to their conversation...but as of this morning, Edward is still here."

So Aro had enough time to talk to Demetri and Edward, but he just expected me to be told what to do through a second-hand source. So far Aro had managed to keep me in the dark about numerous integral decisions. I was beginning to second-guess my contract with him at the end of this tour.

"Isabella, it's not your job to worry about Edward," Charlie spoke up. "Demetri let me review the contract you signed this morning. You're locked into it pretty tightly. If you choose to leave, there will be repercussions. I'll support you with whatever you decide. Does Demetri stepping into the role as your manager make any difference?"

I mulled over Charlie's words. Tanya was more Edward's problem than mine. As long as I steered clear of her, I could pretend she didn't exist. My biggest battle was with James. And now that Demetri was acting as a buffer between us, the tour did seem more feasible than it did in my moment of despair last night.

"I have two stipulations: Keep Tanya away from me...and no creepy, sexual innuendos are allowed."

Demetri chuckled and held up his left hand. "I'm married and my wife is 7 months pregnant back home."

"Then we should get along fine."

We spent the next two hours working out a potential set list for opening night. Demetri even let Charlie stay and offer his input, which I greatly appreciated. Demetri explained Aro's vision was that the tour would be more of a theatrical performance, split into four sets, with two acts. I would open the show, followed by The Volturi; there would be a brief intermission before I returned for a second set, and then The Volturi would close.

As Aro had previously dictated, he wanted this entire musical experience to tell a story. My first set would include most songs off my current album, with the second set giving me a chance to showcase new material. The Volturi would follow the same type of format. While Demetri insisted the tour wasn't solely focused on my relationship to Edward, he likened the intermission of the show as the fall-out. Everything during the second act of the show would be our story, post-breakup and post-rehab.

"And Aro wants me to have the same sob story for the audience every night, right?" I couldn't hide the disgust in my voice.

"Aro appreciates your candor. He just wants to see you open up more to your audience – however much you're comfortable with."

"What if I'm not comfortable with that at all?"

"That would be a shame, because your best performances have been when you've connected with your audience."

I studied Demetri. "You know, you're actually not that bad to work with. How'd you get to be Aro's right-hand man?"

Demetri smiled. "Nepotism at its finest. I'm his nephew."

"Aro's your uncle?! How did I not know this?! Did you know this?" I directed the last question towards Charlie. He nodded.

"It's not something I advertise. I want people to take my work seriously, and not judge me for who I'm associated with. I'm sure you understand," he said, smiling wryly. "Anyway, Aro's hoping to settle down and retire in the next few years, so he's been prepping me to take over for him when he steps down."

"I thought James was the number-one manager at Sony."

"James makes a profit by being ruthless. Aro doesn't believe that's how a business should be run. Don't think my uncle is blind to James's actions, Isabella. But he's also not someone to make rash judgments either. He waits for all the facts."

"What other facts does he need? James is a low-life asshole."

Demetri chuckled, but didn't respond.

After running through the plans with the rest of my band, Charlie and I scoped out the new stage, which was being built in the round. I could tell it was going to take me awhile to get used to singing in the middle of the arena. One thing was for sure, it was definitely more intimate being smack in the center of the audience. After awhile, Demetri decided I had done enough work and gave me the rest of the day off. Before leaving, he encouraged me to spend some time in the recording studio.

"Well, Kid, I'm famished. Want some lunch?" Charlie asked.

"Nah. You go on without me. I've got some work to do." Before Charlie could walk away, I quickly grabbed his hand. "Thanks for being here for me today, Dad." Charlie nodded and walked off, leaving me alone.

I spent a few more minutes running my fingers along the piano keys and collecting my thoughts before I gathered my belongings, and made my way towards the back of the arena. I had almost reached the door before a voice called out to me.

"Isabella!" I turned around and immediately wished I had pretended I didn't hear my name. Tanya Denali was making her way down the hallway. Today she was in a blue Juicy Couture track suit; which actually made her look like a normal girl, instead of a plastic pinup. "Hey! How are you?"

"Fine," I said, warily.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you yesterday, but I just wanted to make sure everything was good between us."

I gave her a bewildered look. Everything was good between us? Nothing was good with us! "Tanya...we're not friends."

She looked hurt by my comment. "Listen, I'd like for us to start new. I know we all made a lot of mistakes in the past..."

"I didn't make any mistakes!"

"Ok...Edward and I did. But that's not the type of person I am anymore. And if you can give Edward a second-chance, then I deserve one too."

"I didn't give Edward a second-chance. I forgave him. If you would like my forgiveness, then maybe you should ask for it."

Tanya straightened up and glared at me. "You should be thanking me. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even know the truth!"

A high-pitched laugh escaped my lips. "If it wasn't for you, I would still have a sober boyfriend!"

Tanya narrowed her eyes, showing her true-self once again. "You know, I was really hoping we could make things right, Isabella. I gave you a chance. You really don't want to mess with me."

Was that a threat?

"Don't worry, I want nothing to do with you." I turned my back to her, ending our conversation, and quickly walked out the exit.

I couldn't believe her. Did she actually think we could be friends? Was she that stupid to think she deserved my thanks?!

Thanks for ruining my life, Bitch.


When I returned to my room, I felt like I was about to explode. The past two days had been a nonstop roller coaster ride. Every time I thought something could possibly be going my way, some new catastrophe arose. I had too many enemies to battle on this tour...Tanya...James...Edward. Okay, truthfully, Edward wasn't my enemy. But he was an opponent to my heart.

Deciding I needed to unwind, I walked into the bathroom and started the hot water in the large Roman tub. Stripping down, I grabbed my Iphone and scrolled through my music, hoping to find something to get me into a zen state of mind. I briefly paused on Celine Dion's "All By Myself," but realized I hadn't reached the Bridget Jones pathetic level yet. Switching over to some Sia, I slipped into the warm tub and submerged myself completely under the water. I laid at the bottom and opened my eyes, watching the tiny bubbles travel from my nose, to the top of the tub, before eventually popping at the surface.

I tried to remember the last time I was actually 100% happy. A time when it didn't feel like a heavy burden was weighing down inside me. I thought back...before the breakup, before the accident, before even joining the tour. But it got harder to picture the good memories. I willed my mind to pinpoint the one specific moment before it all went to shit, but my lungs were beginning to burn.

I floated back to the surface, gasping for air. The walls of the bathroom were decorated with gold spiral designs etched into the marble. I followed the path of the swirls with my eyes. It wasn't until I had got about halfway around the room that I realized I had stayed in this hotel before. This was the same hotel Sony had placed me in when I did my headline tour in Europe last year. It may not have been the exact room; but the memories of this bathroom, and specifically the bathtub, came back and hit me full force.

It was the night before the tour kicked off and I was a pile of nerves. We had finished our last dress-rehearsal, and while everyone was satisfied with the performance, I still didn't feel confident that I could pull off my own concert.

"Relax Bells! You've got this!" Edward said, gently massaging my shoulders from behind. He had flown in a few days prior to help me with rehearsals.

"Do you think I should change the order? Something didn't feel right."

He spun me around to face him. "Isabella Swan, you are the silliest girl I know."

I frowned. "You may be an amazing musician, but your pep talks suck."

"Because you don't need a pep talk! You're goddamn amazing and you know it too! But you get stuck inside your head and start second-guessing everything. You need to just relax...everything will be fine, Baby." He pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly, and dipped his head down to give my neck light kisses. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his chest.

"Hmm...any ideas to help me unwind?"

He looked at me suggestively and walked backwards, pulling me with him. "Oh, Bells, I know exactly how to clear your mind."

We walked into the bathroom and Edward turned on the faucet and the jets in the tub. I started unbuttoning my shirt, but he stilled my hands.

"Let me."

Edward kneeled down in front of me. He deftly used his fingers to slide the buttons of my blouse out of each hole; all the while kissing the nape of my neck. With each opened button, he trailed hot kisses down the center of my chest and stomach. Edward shrugged the blouse off my shoulders and grabbed my bottom, pulling me even closer to him. He languidly circled his tongue around my navel before diving inside. I let out a loud moan as Edward sucked on the skin underneath my bellybutton and continued moving downwards to the edge of my jeans.

"Oh God..."

"How's your head, Love?"

"Buzzing."

"Good."

He unbuttoned the top of my jeans and roughly yanked them down my thighs. Slowly, he slid one pant leg down, slipping it past my foot. His lips replaced where my pants had just been and traveled upwards. My legs shook and I had to grab onto his shoulders to steady myself. He lazily dragged his tongue up towards my center, kissing the cotton that was protecting where I wanted his lips most. He then began the same tortured process again with my other leg.

"Still worried about that set list?"

"What set list?"

Edward chuckled against my core, sending tingling vibrations all the way inside me. "That's my girl."

Much to my dismay, Edward stood up and backed away from me, turning off the faucet to the now-filled tub. He stood in front of me, letting his eyes rake up and down my body. I could feel myself getting wetter just from his gaze.

"Strip," he commanded.

"You first."

Edward grinned and yanked his black t-shirt over his head. "So demanding, Bells."

I watched in anticipation as he kicked off his shoes and then pulled his pants and boxers down together in one fell swoop. He stood in front of me gloriously naked, erect, and waiting for me to reciprocate. I quickly discarded my bra and panties, tossing them aside along with the rest of the clothes that were now strewn about the bathroom floor.

"So beautiful," Edward whispered, running his hand from my cheek all the way down my arm. "And all mine."

He grabbed my waist and hoisted me up. I wrapped my legs around him and dove for his mouth, kissing him fiercely. He returned the kiss with as much passion, as he stepped over the side of the tub and lowered us into the water. I was now sitting astride him; his erection pointing stiffly against my ass. He continued a mixture of kissing and sucking on my bottom lip, while his hands slid up my torso, cupping my breasts. With his thumb and forefinger, he rolled and pulled at my nipples, causing me to whimper against his mouth. I rocked against him, trying to find any sort of relief to the ache that had built up inside me.

Edward's left arm slipped around me, arching my back up. Every inch of my body was tingling in anticipation, begging for his touch. Another loud, guttural moan escaped me as Edward claimed one of my nipples with his mouth. Sucking...pulling...nipping. His fingers trailed down the sides of my torso and playfully danced against my slit. I fisted my fingers into his hair, feeling as if I was about to fall over the edge.

His mouth released my breast, much to my dismay. He brought his lips to my ear, lightly tugging on my lobe. "Tell me all the reasons I love you."

My mind was getting foggy and I wasn't sure if I heard him right. "Isn't that your job?"

"You know all the reasons. You've heard me tell you a million times." He placed his forehead against mine so that we were eye-level. "But since you seem to have lost some of that confidence I love so much about you, I want to hear you say it until you actually believe it."

"This feels weird," I said, suddenly feeling shy and exposed...which was a bit ironic since I was fully exposed in front of him.

Edward flicked his thumb against my clit, sending electric shocks throughout my body. "Tell me, Bells."

I closed my eyes and rocked against his hand, trying to feel the sweet friction again. "We have mind-blowing sex."

"God, yes." He inserted his index finger inside me and kissed me deeply. I whimpered in his mouth, begging for more contact. "Keep going."

"I'm a good singer."

"Amazing," Edward corrected, sliding a second finger inside and giving another quick flick with his thumb.

"Oh, God!" I buried my head into his neck, kissing and licking every bit of his skin that was near my lips. "I don't put up with your shit."

Edward chuckled and thrust his fingers up even further, curling them inside and hitting the exact spot that left me quivering. I felt him wince a little when my fingers dug into his shoulder blades, but he didn't stop his slow assault against me.

"Please..." I trembled. I was so fucking close...

"Keep going."

I was done with his game. I knew what he was trying to prove and if he wanted me to show him confidence, then I was going to give it to him. "Because I go after what I want...and right now I want you."

I pulled his head towards mine. Our lips crashed together; both of us dueling for dominance. Lifting my pelvis up, I let his fingers slip out of me, before sliding down on what I was really longing for. In this position, he filled me to the hilt. I cried out loudly as Edward grabbed my hips and lifted me up, then slammed me back down again.

"Did I mention we have great sex?" I gasped.

Edward let his head fall backwards, leaning it against the edge of the tub. He smiled up at me with lustful eyes. "Definitely worth repeating."

Our pace began to pick up and get more frenzied. Water splashed everywhere, lapping over the side of the tub and onto the floor. Little droplets clung to both our hair and eyelashes. Edward's eyes were squeezed shut and I knew he was trying to hang on. Feeling so close to my release, I grabbed his hand and guided it back towards my clit. He gently pinched it and I cried out; a hot wave of pleasure washing over me. Edward tightened underneath me and he stilled our movement, letting out a deep moan. I collapsed onto his chest; both of us sinking further into the water as we came down off our high.

Edward wiped the wet strands of hair from my face and kissed the top of my head. He was still trying to catch him breath. I leaned my chin into his chest and smiled up at him.

"I take it back. That was a fucking amazing pep talk."

As the memories from our bathtub tryst slipped away, I opened my eyes and slid my hand from between my legs. The water had now cooled down to lukewarm, letting me know it was time to get out. At one time I probably would have felt shame for masturbating to old memories of Edward. But after doing it so much, it was the only way I was able to get off.

I wrapped a large white towel around my body and stepped out of the tub. Walking over to the mirror, I wiped away the steam. I watched my reflection; a slow smiled creeping up my face. Who knew Edward's stress reliever would still work a year later?


After drying myself off and changing into yoga pants and a fitted tee, I decided to venture down to the tour buses and check out the recording studio, like Demetri had suggested. Aside from the song I had started to flesh out earlier that morning, I had new inspiration to write about a man-eating bitch.

Using the key that had been given to me, I opened the door to the tour bus that had been converted into a traveling workplace. It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dim light. Edward sat at the soundboard with his head bent and headphones on. I froze, feeling trapped. As I contemplated if I could slip back outside, unnoticed, Edward lifted his head and looked at me, surprised. He hit a button on the board and took off his headphones.

"Hey."

"Hey..." I stood by the door awkwardly. "I, um, didn't realize you were in here. I'm sorry."

Edward shook his head. "No, it's fine. It's ours to share."

"Right." I turned back to the door, preparing to leave. "Well, we can just text each other when we plan to use it; that way we don't have to keep bumping into one another."

"Bella!" He jumped up, stopping me in my tracks. "I had no clue about Tanya. If I had any inclination that she was joining the tour, I never would have agreed to it."

"I believe you. Besides, James is doing it to hurt me...not you."

"I talked to Aro. He was pretty cryptic, but said he needed Tanya on tour right now. He said it was a risky move, but he believes Tanya is sober."

"Do you trust him?"

Edward shook his head. "Aro's up to something. I just don't know what. I feel like we're all pawns in his game right now. I threatened to cancel the whole tour - even had Rose on the phone with my lawyers."

"So why didn't you?"

Edward looked me straight in the eye. "I didn't want it to backfire against you. I've done enough damage to your career."

"Edward..."

"And Tanya's right," he ignored my protest, dropping his gaze. "I also ruined hers."

I swallowed, wondering how much guilt was eating him up inside.

"Aro promised that if Tanya breaks the contract we all signed, she would immediately be kicked off the tour."

"So are you gonna plant some coke on her again?" I quickly bit the side of my cheek, my face flushing that I had said that out loud.

Edward cocked his head. "I can't tell if you're serious."

"Me either?"

Edward sighed and sat back in the swivel chair behind him. He dragged both hands down his face and then looked back up at me. "How'd Aro get you to agree to this tour, Bella?"

I sat down on the edge of the leather couch perpendicular to him. "Aro will take over as my manager once the tour is over. It was a chance to get rid of James and I figured it was worth the risk."

"Why is James trying to sabotage you?"

I shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. Because I don't listen to his shitty advice? Because he can't manage me? Because I refuse to sleep with him?"

Edward's jawline tightened. I could see that territorial look in his eyes that he sometimes used to get with me. Unable to take the uncomfortableness of the situation any longer, I stood up, once again attempting to leave.

"Bella..."

I sighed. "What, Edward?"

"I don't want you to hold back in your performance."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, irritated.

"Aro wanting us to talk about the inspiration behind our songs. I'm sure you've written plenty over the past few months. I don't want you to censor yourself just because I'll be backstage. The best songs you've written are the ones where you're raw and honest about your emotions. And I know you got backlash from your mom with your album...but there's no denying those are the songs your fans connected to the most. Your mom was too busy defending herself to hear your talent. I'm not gonna do the same thing, Bella. I'm not blind to what I put your through. Sing about everything. I promise I won't judge or get hurt."

"You can't promises that," I countered. "Reliving those memories does hurt."

"It does...but I've found it can also be cathartic. I feel like I've done so much lying to everyone...including myself. It feels good just to lay it all out on the table."

"Is that what you're doing now?" I asked, nodding towards the soundboard.

Edward nodded. "I wrote a lot of songs while I was in rehab. I've been recording them on and off and have added some to the set list. But this one song...it's probably the most important song I wrote about my recovery...but every time I try to sing it, I just feel like my guilt is suffocating me."

"Just give it time," I whispered. It was still hard for me to see this vulnerable side of Edward.

"I've been trying to record it for weeks now. It feels like it's just burning inside me." Edward propped his elbows on the table and placed his head in his hands. He turned his head to look at me out of the corner of his eye. "Do you think, maybe, you could sing it for me?"

Panic rose up inside me. Why was he asking me this?! "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Please, Bells," he rasped. "I just need to get it out of my head."

I reluctantly took the sheet of paper off the table beside him. Just skimming through the lyrics he wrote caused my heart to lurch. How could he ask me to sing this?

Edward hit a button and a haunting melody played out around us. "I already laid down the background track."

My emotions were now at full force; I wanted to desperately run out of the bus. "Edward, I can't..."

He looked at me pleadingly. "Please."

Before I even knew what I was doing, I walked into the sound booth, closing the door behind me.

Stop this, Isabella! Leave now!

I looked at Edward through the glass. I didn't owe him anything. And yet, this was something he needed. I felt compelled to help him.

"I can't look at you," I said, turning my back towards him.

"Just start when you're ready," Edward's voice came over the intercom.

I scoffed. I wasn't ready for this at all. The music started from the top and I let out a shaky breath, placing a pair of headphones against my ears. What had I gotten myself into?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
Cause I won't remember, save your breath, cause what's the use?

His words cut straight to my heart. I imagined him writing this during his hardest days at rehab. This song gave me a little insight into what he was thinking. And as much as I didn't want to know, if felt like I was witnesses and participating in a car crash all at the same time. Not only could I not look away, but I couldn't hit the brakes either.

Oh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

My voice cracked and I had to force myself to keep going. Tears were blurring my vision, making it hard to see the words on the page I was holding out in front of me.

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just trying find a friend

I let out a shuddered sob, unable to continue. I had to place my hand on the wall to brace myself, for fear I would collapse under the weight of Edward's words. The music continued to play. I closed my eyes, trying to shut out everything around me. This wasn't fair for Edward to ask me to sing this song. I had my own emotions to deal with; he didn't have to dump all of his on me too.

Wiping the tears off my face, I straightened my shoulders and returned to the mic, determined to rasp out the rest of the song.

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

When the music stopped, I ripped the headphones off and threw them to the ground. Wiping my eyes one last time, I took a few more deep breaths to compose myself, and turned around to the glass window. Edward still sat at the soundboard; his face buried in his arms on the table. I had only seen Edward cry once before, when I walked out on him. But I was fairly sure he was trying to hide his own tears.

Stepping out of the booth, I tentatively stood by his side. "Are you okay?"

Edward nodded and wiped his face against his forearms. "How did I ruin so many things?" he mumbled into his arms.

A pang of sympathy hit me and, before I could stop myself, I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder. Immediately, I felt a jolt where I made contact with him – that spark between us was still strong. I pulled back as if I had been shocked. I was getting too close.

Edward raised his head and stared at me intently. I knew he felt it too. "Thank you...for singing."

I nodded and backed away a little further from him, reaching for the door. "Just text me when you're done in here, okay?"

I needed to get out of there. Being in such close proximity to Edward wasn't good. I had closed myself off to so many emotions when it came to him...I couldn't let them all come back now over one simple touch. This tour may have been a reminder of the past, but we were not the same anymore.

We would never be the same.


Song lyrics: The Voice Within – Christina Aguilera & Sober - Pink