Disclaimer: Everything here (besides the few things you don't know) belongs to JK Rowling, creator of the worlds of Harry Potter.
A/N: The Story of Four Friends has hit 400 reviews! I love you all for this! Thank you for the wonderful reviews and for the fact that you stuck with this story despite its erratic updates!
So despite saying I will update only next week, I've decided to make an effort because you really deserve it! Thank you! ((grins)) What can I say? Writing this chapter went much more smoothly than I had expected. Of course, a major part of it had already been pre-written months ago (yes, I'm one of those strange people who write random scenes and then play connect the dots with them :) Probably what sometimes gets me stuck, but its fun all the same!), but it was still easier to write than usual. I do hope it gives the lot of you hope about what's going on with Lily and James!
Oh, one other thing. This chapter will also feature some Keira PoV. Hope you like!
Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty Nine - What Keira Discovered
James was ignoring Lily. Well, not quite ignoring, but not giving her more than the cursory attention that their work together demanded. In fact, aside of the minimal contact their job required, he was also avoiding getting near her.
Remus had seen him doing the very same thing the year before, only to Sirius. It was also doing to Lily the same it had done to Sirius. James was an expert at making people feel bad at what they did. He sincerely hoped that he would never find himself on the receiving end of James' apathy. It was terrible to behold.
He was polite to Lily, speaking with her as he had before, but there was nothing more to it. No spark. No passion. It seemed as though he finally gave up on the girl he had been chasing for two or so years. And yet, he showed no interest in anyone else.
He was more or less back to himself, more willing to execute pranks than before, though still cautious enough not to leave tracks that would incriminate him, as the Head Boy. He could not afford it, and the Marauders, despite Sirius' constant whining that it was not the same, understood his reasons and respected him for it. He laughed and joked with them, but he never once spoke of Lily.
Once, when he was off on a meeting with Dumbledore, McGonagall and Lily, Peter slipped into the dorm at Sirius' instructions. When he returned to the common room where Remus and Sirius were acting innocent just in case their other friend would come back unexpectedly, the small boy sadly shook his head.
"Nothing new," he reported to the two other Marauders who were waiting for an answer, hoping it would be positive.
"Not even a tiny sketch?" Sirius tried. "A spot of red or green? Initials? You know how he used to scribble her initials on exam papers and all that!"
Peter shook his head. "I went through the entire sketchbook and through his notes. Nothing. You don't understand, Padfoot. He hasn't sketched, drawn or painted anything ever since that day. Nothing. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit."
Remus and Sirius shared a startled glance. Drawing was James' greatest passion. Did he let it go together with his feelings for Lily? This did not bode well in any of their minds. The problem was, James was also an expert at diverting the subject whenever Lily was even alluded to, let alone mentioned. He simply did not want her discussed.
Remus really did care for Lily. She had been a sort-of friend of his since they had both become Prefects in fifth year, and she had been a great help through many trials and tribulations ever since. And she was a good person, caring, passionate, loving. He simply did not understand from where came all that ire against James. A grudge kept did not cover it. There was something more to it, as attested to by Lily's desperate attempts to catch James' attention ever since that day. Something cracked inside his redheaded friend. She had made a mistake, and she knew it all too well. She also knew that unless James let her, she would never be able to rectify it.
Remus could see the pain of it in her eyes.
He could see the emptiness in James'.
Something had to be done.
Soon, however, a different thing that much more concerned himself than anything else, made his mind turn away from that matter. It had to do with that selfsame, miserable fact that had shaped his life since young. His lycanthropy was about to make him wretched again. There was nothing to it. It was now about to take one of the greatest joys he had every year, the thing he most looked up for. He cursed himself for not noting it earlier, for allowing himself to hope that he would have a great holiday, including a long visit at Potter Manor and at Padfoot's Doghouse.
He sat, staring at the calendar hanging by his bed. The month's full moon was marked in a red circle. It drew his eyes to it almost involuntarily. He wondered if any of his friends had noted the date on which it was. Probably not. They trusted him to tell them when and where, as usual. He would not tell them, of course. They had no reason to miss the holidays just because he was unfortunate enough to be inflicted by this damned curse - James had been talking about his plans for the holidays for weeks. His parents were planning a big celebration in honour of his eighteenth birthday which would come shortly after the holidays.
He was about to remove the calendar from the wall and hide it, when the door burst open and James entered, his cheeks red with the cold, flakes of slowly melting snow still dotting his cloak. He snatched his hand back, trying to look inconspicuous.
"Speak of the devil," he muttered under his breath.
"What was that, Moony?" James asked somewhat breathlessly, taking off his cloak and shaking it a little before hanging it on the back of a chair to dry, and the leaning his broomstick against the wall.
"Nothing. Is it snowing?"
"Just started. Had to call practice off because it was getting too dark for Andrea to see the Snitch."
Of course he would never call a practice off because of mere snow, was what Remus was thinking. What he said, however, was, "So where's Padfoot?"
"Being chased around the castle by Keira," James replied with a shrug, starting to remove his gloves, Quidditch robes and wet shoes. "He thought it would be very funny to pelt her with mud mixed with fresh snow. She didn't find it as funny, as you can probably guess."
"Really?" Remus asked dryly. "That's a shocker."
"What were you staring at when I came in? 's not like you not to be reading or doing some kind of essay when you're alone at the dorm. Where's Peter, anyway?"
"You must have missed him sleeping in the common room," Remus said, hoping to speak long enough and quickly enough about their friend that James would forget about his first question. "He still had difficulty to breathe last night because of that hex and he didn't sleep that well - turning and sniffing all night long. He was dead tired all day, in case you hadn't noticed. Fell asleep the minute we came into the common room. I didn't have the heart to wake him, so I left him there to catch up on his sleep. Poor bloke."
"Yeah, but at least he missed Flitwick's exam - you know how he dreaded that. Anyway, you didn't answer my first question - what were you staring at?"
So much for hope. Damn James and his insufferable need to have all his questions answered.
Remus sighed. "I was looking at the lunar calendar. That's all."
"Doesn't sound to me like a 'that's all', Moony. What's on your mind?" James said, holding his filthy Quidditch robes and frowning at him.
"Full moon's on Christmas."
His friend stared at him for a moment, before dropping the robes and nearing the bed. "You have got to be joking," he said with an ill expression on his face.
Remus shook his head sadly.
"Hand me the calendar. I will not believe this until I see it with my own two eyes."
Dejectedly, Remus handed the tidy chart to his friend, and watched as James' face clouded.
"Mate, I'm so sorry," James said with a sigh. "Christmas, huh? Well, I'll just tell Mum I'm not coming home for Christmas this year."
Remus stared at him. "No, Prongs. You can't do this. Your mum's been planning this for ages."
"I don't care, Moony. I'm not leaving you alone to spend a full moon on Christmas. What kind of a friend would I be to do that?"
You'd be a normal human being, Remus thought. Because normal human beings think first of themselves, not of their lycanthropic friends. Normal people don't even befriend werewolves in the first place.
"I can't let you do that," he said out loud. "I don't care what you think you're going to do - you're not missing your big celebration just because of me. I won't have it." His tone was vehement, but he found that he did not care. This was one time that he would not accept James' charity.
"Tell you what," James said, trying to appease him. "I'll spend Christmas Eve with you, then I'll take the Knight Bus home the next day to spend it with my parents, and once you are well enough, we'll come get you to spend the rest of the holidays with Sirius and me. How does that sound? Then you can come to my party anyway, and have a relatively normal holiday!"
It felt like tears were trying to choke him completely. He could barely open his mouth. Why was James doing this? Even after more than six years, he still found it hard to wrap his mind around the fact that James was such a loyal, caring friend. Still, he managed to let out a choked, "Thanks, Prongs," before picking up a book and hiding his face in its pages.
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When McGonagall suspiciously asked James, Sirius and Peter why they were suddenly staying for the first few days of the holidays, the three just shrugged and said that it was more convenient for their families, that they wanted to stay with their friends for a couple more days, or that they needed to do some more research on holiday assignments. Though it was clear to all four Marauders that their stern professor did not buy it, to their relief she decided to let it go.
After hearing that James was going to stay with Remus and for what, the two others adamantly informed Remus that they were staying, too, and that, if Remus was well enough, they would all travel by the Knight Bus to Potter Manor, where they will spend a couple of days before each went back to their own homes, and then meet up at Sirius' flat.
The Gryffindor common room was nearly empty, as was usual during the holidays, and the boys just used it to have a little bit of pure, undiluted fun. They set fireworks to fly around the room, played Chess and Exploding Snap (Once Sirius invented a game he called Exploding Chess, which was vetoed almost instantly after the first time a pawn went ricocheting around the room, nearly beheading a poor, frightened little third year girl), but mostly, talked.
James still refused to hear anything to do with Lily.
Though he had been a little depressed at the prospect of not spending Christmas with his parents, Remus found the full moon to be an exceptionally fun one. As there were nearly no castle residents to be found at Hogwarts, his friends allowed him to roam the very grounds to which they usually forbade his entering in case some fool of a student decided to go outside on a full moon's night. They may have been spotted once by Hagrid, but apparently the big man did not find it strange that three big creatures played on the snow-covered ground outside his hut.
His friends had effectively made best with what they had, making his Christmas a great one, despite the unpleasant circumstances.
As the four friends made their way in the Knight Bus in order to spare Remus the effort of Apparating in his weakened condition, Remus smiled. It was really a great year.
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When Keira Apparated into the Potter property, entering through the back door without knocking, she felt a sense of relief flooding through her. Though she loved her parents dearly, neither of them managed to get over Kelly's death as yet. The atmosphere in the house was repressive at best, depressing at most. Her sister's death had hurt her just as much as it had hurt her parents, but unlike them, she knew she had to go on. Her life did not end with her sister's. She had to go on living, and that included laughing, smiling and enjoying herself like any teenager would.
Coming to her aunt and uncle's was a relief because here there was still reason to smile. Here people went on with their lives despite everything. James' birthday party three days before had been one of the most fun things she had done in a very long while. Aunt Laura and Uncle Gavin had gone all the way with the decoration, the food and the music. There were so many people there - friends from school, distant relations, friends of the family… Even Keira's parents seemed happy for a change, laughing with everyone and wishing James a happy birthday. She allowed herself to hope that now things at home would be better.
But nothing changed. The moment they got back home from the party and slipped out of their fancy clothes, they became the same grey, lifeless people they had been when they left the house. Her mother went back to staring at old picture albums, and her father shut himself in his study. She was so tired of it all.
Shaking her head, Keira found her aunt in the pantry, dictating one of the house-elves what was in short supply and needed to be bought. Her aunt's ginger-streaked silver hair was pulled back somewhat messily, strands falling out of her ponytail, and every now and then she pushed them back irritably. She did not seem in too good a mood.
"Hello, Aunt Laura!" Keira said cheerfully, hoping she was not mad at her for being late. "Where's the prat?"
"If you mean Gavin, then he's in his study. If you're speaking of James, he's been with his friends at Sirius' since the day after the party. He should be back sometime this evening - said he wouldn't miss New Year's Eve since he's already missed Christmas Eve."
The huffing tone her aunt used when saying her husband's name made Keira's ears perk. She discovered more quickly than she thought the source of her aunt's irritation. "What did Uncle Gavin do?"
"He took James out to drink right after the party was over - got completely pissed - and at his age, too! Luckily James is a good boy and knows his limits, so he was the one carting that imbecile home."
Keira did not want to tell her aunt that the only reason James knew his limits was because he had years of experience with his friends behind it, so instead she said, "Dad said you needed help with the western drawing room?"
"Yes. I've been thinking it's time to start using it again, so I had James and his friends paint it when they came by, but now I need another woman's opinion over the decorations."
While Keira was not very fond of decorating rooms and found it a tedious, slow work, she did have a good eye for aesthetics and she did love her aunt enough to sacrifice a few hours for her cause. And so she found herself following Laura down a few corridors and up a staircase to where she knew the western drawing room that had been more or less abandoned for the better part of ten years was to be found.
The reason the Potters had not used it for the past decade was that it was far too complicated for company to reach it, it being so deep into the house. The Southern and Eastern drawing rooms were far more conveniently reached. But now, as Laura soon explained her niece, she felt that the family needed their own place where guests that were not closely tied with them could not enter.
As they walked through the heavy, carved wooden door, Keira could see that the room had changed little since she had last seen it. The carpet was still a light blue and the curtains were still of green silk embroidered with a copper thread. The furniture she remembered, made of mahogany was removed for the redecoration. The only thing that changed was that the once sea-green walls were now a pale cream edged with dark green borders.
There was also another change which caught her eye almost immediately, making her mouth drop open.
The picture above the fireplace was eerily familiar. She had never seen it before, but she would have recognized the style anywhere. It was oil-painted and portrayed her aunt and uncle. It was so detailed and carefully done. She had seen that style often before. On Lily's bedside table.
"Um. Aunt Laura?"
"Yes, darling?"
"Who did that picture?"
"Oh, you noticed the portrait! It's James' work." Her aunt looked very proud as she looked at the picture. "Isn't it wonderful? He worked on it for three whole weeks last summer. He didn't really want me hanging it anywhere, but he's not here to protest, and by the time he gets back he will have no say in it. I'll put a permanent sticking charm on this if I have to, you know. Even my bright little boy won't be able to do anything about it."
"It's…beautiful," Keira managed. "James paints?"
"Didn't you know?" Laura asked in surprise. "Didn't you ever see all the pictures in his room?"
"Aunt Laura. I've been banned from James' room since I was eight. Last time I saw it, it had Quidditch posters all over the walls."
"What! Oh, we can't have that, now, can we? You must see his works - they are absolutely gorgeous!"
Heart beating wildly in her chest, Keira followed her aunt up some stairs and down corridors until they reached James' all-too-familiar quarters. All the way up there her aunt was talking cheerfully about what a talented young man James was and how he had surprised them with the portrait the year before, giving it to them for their anniversary. Keira could not believe it.
Could James be the mysterious admirer who had sent Lily all those drawings?
Finally they arrived at James' door, which Laura opened without preamble, and lead Keira to the room beyond.
"I'll leave you to it, shall I?" Laura said cheerfully. "I'll be in the guest room - I want to see if the boys left it in one piece."
For a short while she just stood there, her mouth hanging slightly open. The walls of James' room, that were once a garish red with a gold trim, were now an understated cream with red borders and a thin trim of gold at the edge of those borders. That way no colour clashed with the huge collection of framed drawings and paintings, all in the same style she knew so well, but with a scribbled autograph that could barely be decrypted as J. Potter, at the right bottom corner of each one.
Some were scenic views, others were of animals - magical and non-magical - and then, there were those who portrayed people she knew. There were random Hogwarts students, lazing about during break. There were sketches of Quidditch players in mid-flight. But more important than anything else, there were pictures of the seventh year Gryffindors. All four Marauders lounging in front of the common room's fire (how on earth he had managed to depict himself so accurately, she did not know); the girls laughing over some magazine on the grass by the lake, accurate to the smallest detail - she practically remembered the day as she caught sight of the magazine's cover; Remus with a broken egg on top his head, glaring murderously at Sirius who was clapping Peter on the shoulder in mirth; Keira frowning over a chessboard; Lily sleeping on a sofa; Lily and Haley playing cards; Lily shouting at an innocent-looking Sirius; Sirius making faces behind Lily's back as Remus rolled his eyes exasperatedly.
There were so many pictures of Lily there. She no longer had any doubt. Her mind was reeling at the sheer magnitude of what this meant. She opened her mouth to call out to her aunt and ask her if she was certain that James was the real artist, when footsteps came from the hallway and James' voice called, "Mum? Leaf said you went up here. Are you trying to sort through my Muggle clothes aga-"
Dreading what she might see, Keira turned slowly to face her cousin. Since he had gotten through his growth sprout the previous summer, she resented the fact that she had to look up in order to speak with him. She was so used to him looking up at her. And he knew it and taunted her repeatedly. But right then she was thankful for that. The single glance that she got of his rapidly paling face and the horror in his eyes would last her a lifetime.
"I'm-" she started, not quite certain what it was she wanted to do. Apologize for entering his room uninvited? Demand to know if he really was Lily's secret admirer? Tell him off for not telling her this? It seemed as though he needed none of that. There was a pleading look in his eyes - something that did not settle well with the James Potter she knew. He had never looked so pathetically terrified in his entire life.
"You can't tell her!" he blurted out, washing away any doubt that Keira may have had concerning the identity of Lily's admirer. "Please, Keira! You can't tell her about this!"
"James-" she began softly.
"Please…" he said again, his voice soft and almost defeated. It seemed as though he thought that she held his very life in her hands, and in a way, she knew she did.
There were a thousand things she could have said. A thousand threats, a thousand ways to blackmail him. But it did not feel right. She did love her cousin, no matter what anyone said or thought. So instead, she simply asked, "Why?"
He flinched, but then looked confused as the word filtered into his mind. "Why what?" he asked, cocking his head to one side.
"Why have you been sending Lily those things? Is it because you want to make fun of her, or because you truly care for her? She's my friend, James - I'm not going to let her get hurt because of you - any more than she already is. Why are you doing this?"
"I… I…" he began, unsure of himself. Then his shoulders slumped and he made his way to his bed and sat down with a sigh. After a while in silence, he looked up at her. "Do you really want to know?" he asked softly.
"Yes," she said without hesitation, her eyes fixed to his. "I want to know."
"Then listen closely, and don't try to kill me before I'm done."
Wondering why he would ask her that, Keira pulled the chair from under James' desk and sat down, crossing her arms and legs, her eyes not leaving his.
And so he told her. He told her how he began sketching pictures of Lily not long before he realized that he had something for the redheaded girl, how he watched her more closely, trying to capture her spirit and her character in every drawing of her he made. He told her how Sirius had stolen one of his drawings from his sketchbook - that very first drawing that had been sent to Lily on Christmas two years before - and enchanted the writing on it, sending it to Lily without James knowing. He told her how angry he had been, how he had continued making pictures of Lily despite it and how Sirius stole more of the drawings in order to send them to her. He told her how he had deliberately began making specific drawings for Sirius to steal and send and how he thought none of the others quite realized he was not really angry at his friend for doing so. He told her everything, and, at last, she finally felt she really knew her cousin.
"So what you said to Lily right before the holidays…?" she started when he was finally done.
"I was lying through my teeth, Keira," he said with a sigh. "I'm still as much into her as I was two years ago. I just… I'm tired of her rejecting me, and I can see she doesn't feel the same for me as I do for her. If pretending to be indifferent is what she needs, then this is what I will do, even if it does tear me up inside."
She looked at her cousin. He looked tired, older than he actually was. There were many things that were weighing down his narrow shoulders, and the situation with Lily was not helping him at all. She also knew that it was not his fault at all, but that of her best friend, who would not admit even to herself that what she felt for James was not dislike. Far from it, really.
In a way, what went on in Keira's mind as she watched her dejected cousin remove his glasses and rub his temples, was a battle of loyalties. On the one hand, Lily was her best friend and her Comrade-in-Arms in the ongoing battle against the Marauders and everything they stood for. On the other hand, however, James was her only cousin, her playmate when young and the person she knew protected her behind the scenes from all the smarmy types that tried getting a date with her. Though sometimes he was overprotective, and more than often obnoxious in more than one way, she loved him more than anyone else in her family, barring her now-dead sister.
She had to decide on whose side she stood. Looking around her, desperate for inspiration, she got it almost immediately. Her eyes got stuck on the dozen of framed paintings and drawings that decorated James' room, specifically pictures of Lily. She knew whose side she was on. A slow grin spread on her face as she glanced at James. She definitely knew whose side she was on…
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Keira Palmer was a girl with a plan. A very bright plan, even if she had to say so herself. She would even enlist the aid of the other three Marauders if she would have to, but she would bring the whole sorry affair to an end, sooner or later. Better sooner, she conceded.
And so she invited herself to Lily's house on New Year's Eve, supposedly to celebrate together with her friend, but in truth, to ask her one crucial question that would determine whether she had cause to continue with her brilliant plan or not.
They were both sitting in her room, going through Lily's records and trying to decide which one to put first on the gramophone downstairs in order to effectively annoy Petunia, Lily's sister, who called everything Lily liked 'a terrible noise'. Thinking her friend was more than enough distracted, Keira brought up the question.
"Lily?"
"Hmm?"
"Can you give me an honest answer about something?"
"I can try," Lily said, quirking an eyebrow. "What's on your mind, Keira?"
"It hurts you that James is treating you this way, doesn't it?"
"I…" the redheaded girl hesitated, finally admitting, "I suppose it does. I guess… I guess I'm used to his worshiping the ground I walk on, you know? I… I guess I miss the attention, see?"
Keira frowned. "Do you really miss the attention, or is it James that you're missing?"
Lily looked up. "What are you asking me, Keira? Quit going around in circles trying to say it."
Keira smirked, happy that her friend had fallen into the trap she set so easily. "You like him," she said, and then ignored Lily's spluttered denial, which came a fraction of a second too late.
She liked him.
So? Now what? James knows Keira knows he is: 1) Lily's secret admirer, and 2) That he hasn't exactly given up on her like he lets everyone think. The cousins had a little bit of bonding, Remus had been miserable and then quite happy, Keira is nosy and Lily finally admits that, yes, she does like our little Jamie-poo. Sort of :)
Fun days ahead, people! What shall we have in the next chapter? (and yes, I am quite aware of the fact that I've forgotten to put that part in the previous one). Keira and Lily stumble on a little secret they weren't quite supposed to find out, people are enlightened, Remus wants to hit Sirius over the head (but when is that new?), and Lily gives the lot of us hope! All this and more, in… ((dramatic drumroll)) … The Walls Have Ears!
See the lot of you hopefully next week (I use that word quite a lot, lately)!
Love you all!
-Star of the North
