I almost don't register that today is the day we go into our fear landscapes. Today is meant to be one of the most important days in my life, but it sounds so futile when I think of what's to come. But I still continue, like I have every day as I wait for the Erudite to finally finish the serum. Over the past few days, we perfected our plan. It's going to be a large gamble and if we fail, there will no longer be an Abnegation. What we'll have to do is wait for the serum to be distributed and for the system to begin. Four, Six, Uriah, Eric, and I will stay in Dauntless and look for where they're running the program; we've narrowed down the possible locations to the control room, the leadership's main room, and Max's office. It seems they won't have the program here until the day of, so we can only wait before then. We're going to have to work fast. The Erudite have described the simulation and everyone will be up and out of Dauntless within five minutes. The trains will take five minutes to reach the Abnegation sector. The Abnegation are to be rounded up within twenty minutes; resistance will be met with deadly force. After they're rounded up, they will all be fired upon. We have thirty minutes at best to stop the war.
I look at all the drunken faces that fill the Pit. They all seem so carefree, it's obvious they don't know what's coming for them. I try to not to focus too much on a single person. I head up to the glass room where all of us wait to be brought into our landscape; I have to wait for everyone else, because we're going in reverse order starting with the Dauntless-born. The range of emotions everyone distributes is the best distraction right now. Some pace the room. Others are sitting still as statues. A few people lean against the wall and play with their hands. I just lean with them and watch the door until I see Parker emerge; he was the last of the Dauntless-born. Max, Eric, and the female leader, Tiffany I think, congratulate him on completing his landscape. They usher in Sam and the door shuts.
Several minutes later, I hear a thud in the landscape room and the door bursts open. Tiffany lunges out and grabs a hold of Elizabeth while I see Eric drag out an unconscious Sam. Behind them, Max walks out with a look of rage I have never seen.
"Take these three away and restrain them now!" Max yells and two Dauntless take Elizabeth and Sam away. Eric turns to me and mouths "later." I really want to hear an explanation as to what happened. Max just points to Alex and waves him inside. Alex looks just as confused as we all are, but he still walks over and the door shuts yet again.
I don't know how long I wait when Coraline finally exits the room. She's sweaty and pale, but she gives me a small smile which I return. This is the last bit of suffering we have to endure to be Dauntless. I step into the room and Max and Tiffany stand back while Eric approaches me with a syringe of the serum.
"Kick ass." He plunges the syringe into my neck and I watch him as I slip away.
I find myself in the crystal clear waters of my first fear simulation. I know that the water will pull me down, so it's not difficult for me to relax as it tugs me further away from the light. I blink and find myself in a concrete room with two men and a bound Eric; it seems he's replaced my mother in the torture scenario. I guess my subconscious knows that this is the more likely scenario, so it hits me harder. I know I can't make it worse; to do that, I'd have to torture Eric. So I calm down. I watch as they approach him with pliers and concentrate on my breath, on my heartbeat, on anything but his screams. I blink again and I'm in the center of the Pit. The leaders stand around me in a circle. The crowd screams for my blood and Max approaches me. I'm not restrained; I could defend myself. But if I want to get out, I can't. I keep my hands at my sides as he throws his first punch. It makes contact and I'm propelled further into the simulation. I'm being hunted through the city by a band of Dauntless; this seems to be the new incarnation of the forest. My instincts tell me to run, but I stand still. They tell me to fight, but I just wait for them to close in on me. They tell me to panic, but I just stare down my attackers and challenge them to do it; they don't even touch me when it changes again. We're in the middle of the Pit again, but the focus isn't on me; it's on a woman in blue who's been forced to her knees. Her face is covered by a bag, but as they lift it, I see her hair; my hair. My mother just looks up at me and smiles the smile that greeted me every morning for sixteen years. Max hands me a gun.
"Dispose of the criminal," he says. I approach my mother with the gun in hand and continue to tell myself that this isn't real; that I'm not really killing my mother. But my simulation mom is so like the real thing.
"It's okay, Audrey. I love you." I don't know what to do with myself. I bring the gun up to her.
"I'm sorry." I pull the trigger and I find myself back in the landscape room. Is this another level? No, it's real; I can tell that this is real. Eric just stares at me in awe before giving me a smile and kissing me.
"You only had five," he whispers into my ear. I just kiss him back, happier to be out of the landscape than I am about the number of fears that I have. But I find myself counting to be sure; I really only had five. That's when I realize the other bit of sweetness in that number; I no longer hold any doubt about my relationship with Eric. Every fiber of my being has complete faith in him.
"Congratulations," Max says and I hope that the smile I give him looks natural, "We can't show this as enthusiastically as Eric, but that was an amazing landscape." I don't even want to be in his presence now that I know what exactly he's capable of, even if he's probably been manipulated into it.
"Thank you."
"Enjoy your day," he says, "Let's go. We have business to settle." Eric kisses me one more time before following Max and Tiffany out of the room. I wonder if they're going to deal with Sam and Elizabeth.
"You're out already! I only just left!" Coraline shouts with surprise. I guess she would be, since I'm only supposed to be half a minute faster. Alex just stares with his mouth open.
"Well, I've always been pretty good at test taking," I say with a laugh. This is my moment to celebrate, not think about a future I can't predict. We start to head over to the Dining Hall.
"How many fears did you guys have?" Alex asks, "Mine was ten."
"Twelve," Coraline says, "I guess I was in the middle. Audrey?"
"…Five," I say with a bit of a blush. They both just gape at me before Coraline breaks the silence.
"We're calling you Five from now on," she says with a laugh. I'm so happy at how easily they accepted it.
"You're definitely first," Alex says, "If you're not, it's rigged."
"Well, Five, shall we get some celebratory cake?" Coraline leads us over to the Dining Hall. Once we sit, we're bombarded with questions by everyone; they're so excited, it's almost overwhelming.
"Quiet!" Six shouts, "Alright, how'd you all do."
"I had twelve and Alex had ten and this one," Coraline says, now pointing to me, "Is hereby dubbed Five."
"You had five!" Uriah shouts with a laugh. I just nod and smile. Suddenly I feel someone come behind me and kiss me on the cheek.
"Mine did better than yours," Eric says to Four with a smirk.
"Too bad you didn't do better than either of them." They seem less like enemies and more like friendly rivals now. I'm happy for them.
"You got back fast," I say to Eric.
"Well, this time was extremely straight forward," he sighs and continues, "Sam's simulation was basically a confession."
"To what?" What was there for him to confess to?
"To Darren." Everyone is paying attention. That was supposed to have been settled a long time ago. And I can't see Sam doing anything; they were friends.
"What do you mean?" Four asks.
"In Sam's simulation, Ashley confronted him with the fact that he attacked Darren. Elizabeth helped and Jared was just a distraction." I don't understand why he would want to until I think of who confronted him: Ashley. He wasn't worried about getting caught by just anyone; he was worried about getting caught by Ashley.
"What's going to happen this time?" I ask even if I'm fairly sure of the answer.
"A Farewell to both. It's going to happen this evening," Eric says.
"What about Jared?" Coraline asks, "He was wrongly accused. Can he come back?" He may have been a terrible person, but he hasn't done anything illegal.
"No, he's already been made factionless," Eric says, "Even if we wanted him back, he's missed out on most of the initiation process." I wonder what it'll be like if those three ever run into each other again. Given Jared's nature, Elizabeth and Sam will be watching their backs from now on.
Everyone goes back to their own conversations, but we're all a little deflated. Coraline and Alex join hands and I even lean further into Eric; Darren was reminder that we may easily lose more people. At least those we lose this time will be able to walk out with the exceptions of Elizabeth and Sam. There's three more people that will be cut out of our initiate class and I don't want to think of who it might be.
Eric and I walk over to the apartment together. I'm about to head into the door when he kisses me.
"I'm only dropping you off," he says, "I have to go give Elizabeth and Sam their Farewell." That's why he immediately led me over to the apartment after dinner. I'm thankful for his consideration; Elizabeth and Sam will be getting what they deserve, but I don't think I can ever see that crowd without being reminded of my landscape.
"Hurry back." I give him a kiss and he shuts the door. I head over to the couch and throw on Sucker Punch and turn the volume up; I want to make sure the movie is the only thing I hear. The credits roll and Eric comes inside.
"Congrats again." He kisses me and I can't help but smile again.
"You're guaranteed a spot in Dauntless. Want to celebrate?" We've never actually gone out somewhere together before; I really want to spend some time with him somewhere different.
"Sure." I go to change my clothes and come out again in a short button down shirt that exposes my midriff and a tight black skirt along with some pumps. I'm going to the bathroom to put on make-up when Eric starts to pull me to the door.
"It's been ten minutes," he says, "And you're already beautiful enough without it." I smile and go along with him.
"Where are we going?" I wonder where I'm being dragged off to.
"Now that we're out, you pick." I was hoping he had planned something. Well, where do I want to go? This is to celebrate me essentially becoming Dauntless; becoming fire. I know exactly what I want to do to commemorate this.
"Let's go to the tattoo parlor."
I describe to Six exactly what I want and she brings it to life. It's the eye of Erudite in Dauntless flames surrounded by a circle made of water that changes into fire and back again. Eric doesn't make any comment on my choice, he just watches as Six etches it into my back. I also take the time to get another two more piercings in each of my ears and purchase a pair of topazes and rubies; my parent's birth stones.
"Anywhere else?" Eric asks, kissing one of my new piercings.
"How about we go to the club?" I haven't been there in so long, I miss feeling the music resonate within me. I don't mix that night, I just spend my time with Eric. This time is definitely better than the last one. By the time we're done, it's extremely late in the night and we're both tired.
"Thanks for the celebration." I kiss him as we walk back.
"You can thank me better than that." He pulls me in and our kiss deepens. But I really do want to thank him. He's the only thing that can make me forget about all the problems around us.
"Then I'll have to thank you properly." We head to the apartment and I find myself thinking about how far we've come. Ever since the first flirting exchange on the roof, I've been falling for this man. Before I knew it, I loved him. And even with all the drama and danger, I wouldn't change anything.
A/N: Calm before the storm! Also, I had to ride a train for 6 hours in order to get back to my campus :P If there's any small gramatical errors, it's because I'm tired...
