All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.
No copyright infringement is intended.
HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and my pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.
*A/N: Did I mention that the last … oh … 9 chapters or so have been unbeta'd? I think I did. So if I missed something – like repeating pet names and such – it's completely unintentional. I appreciate reviews, however, if you're hiding behind a "guest" login just so you can bitch that repetition bothers you – I suggest you stop reading now, because I don't write to please you. Now … I'll let y'all get on with the final chapter.*
Learning to Live
Chapter Twenty Nine
Edward
I'd only been scared a few times in my life – the first when I saw the look in Leah's eyes as she beat the ever loving shit out of me and the second was the night my body burned. The last was when that Bobcat came down on my brother. It could just as easily have been me. There were times that I wished for death – when the burns were too much to handle. Death would have been easy and living was infinitely harder.
When Emmett and I got to the flatbed, I immediately had a bad feeling about it. Getting hurt or even dying wasn't an option. I had to live for Bella. She needed me and I wouldn't dare leave her. My sweet beautiful girl wouldn't survive it.
"Em, I think this is a bad idea. I've got a bad feeling about this. I think it's more than we can handle."
"Oh, come on, Eddie. If we can get a wedge under that right rear tire, we'll be golden."
"That's a pretty big IF, Em. I'm not willing to risk it, are you?"
"Damn it, Ed! If we can't get this thing out, we'll have to call Alec. I know he's your friend, but damn, he's expensive."
"I'll work out a deal with him. I'll pay for it out of my own pocket. I think we'd be fools to try and get it out ourselves."
Emmett shook his head and climbed down in the ditch against my better judgement. I followed after him and we struggled to wedge a 2x8 under the tire. We struggled for half an hour before Emmett gave in and asked me to call Alec. I climbed to the top of the ditch and went to pull out my phone. Somewhere along the way, I must have dropped it.
"Em, do you see my phone down there?"
Emmett grunted.
"No. Fuck, if I could just …."
Emmett trailed off as I stood there and watched everything play out in slow motion in front of me. The trailer lurched back and one of the tie downs that held the rear Bobcat snapped in two.
"Fuck! Emmett!" I hollered as I ran down toward him.
Emmett was trapped.
"Sam," I screamed. "Call 911!"
"Emmett, you hang in there, you hear me? We're going to get you out and everything will be okay."
"Fuck, Ed … hurry … it hurts. I think my leg's broke."
A few minutes later, I could hear the sirens, but it felt like hours before they finally got there. I watched from afar as Alec used a crane to pull the Bobcat up and out of the way. An emergency rescue team gingerly lifted Emmett onto a backboard and strapped him down before carrying him out of the ditch.
My dad jogged over as they were loading Emmett into the ambulance.
"Son? What happened?"
I relayed the story as I rode with my dad toward the hospital.
"Shit, I need to call Bella, but I lost my phone."
"It's okay, Son. I called your mom and she was going to pick up Bella and then head to the hospital."
"She's probably worried out of her mind."
"She'll be all right. Bella's a pretty tough cookie."
Dad and I followed as closely behind the ambulance as we could. We parked and as we walked through the doors, Dr. Gerandy met us and led us back to a small waiting room. Twenty minutes later, he popped in to tell us that Emmett had lost a lot of blood but it was under control and he was on his way to X-Ray.
Nausea rolled through my body and I had to get out of there before I lost my shit. I left Dad to talk with the doctor. As I walked out the double doors, all I could think about was Bella and how I wanted her there with me. I looked up and there she was. Her button nose was red, her lips swollen and tears were streaming down her face. She was absolutely perfect. Bella looked up at me and her smile lit up her entire face as she lunged toward me. Bella sobbed as we clung to one another.
"I'm okay, Bella."
"I thought … I was so scared."
I held her tighter to me.
"I know, baby. I'm sorry you were scared."
She wanted to know why I hadn't called and I told her about losing my phone down in the ditch. I could see my mom talking animatedly to the nurse at the desk and I was relieved when she caught sight of me.
Bella asked what happened, but I didn't know if I had the strength to tell the story twice.
I was relieved to see my dad coming out – it meant that he could give my mom an update and I could steal away a moment with my girl.
Bella looked good in a light blue sweater and a pair of sinfully tight jeans, and I worried for a moment about getting her dirty, but she wasn't having it. She crawled into my lap and almost sang that she didn't care. She explained about my mom showing up at her door and that she hadn't been at a hospital since Jared and her parents died. Knowing that face alone made me feel like shit. She told me all about that day and how her son died in her arms.
I needed to reassure her that I wasn't going anywhere.
Bella was usually my calm, but the longer we sat in that waiting room, the more I felt the walls closing in on me and I suddenly found it difficult to breathe. I could feel myself shaking – the panic was starting to set in.
"Baby?" Bella asked.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tightened my hold on her in an effort to tamp down my panic.
"Can we get out of here? I feel like I can't breathe."
Bella loosed her hold on me and slipped out of my lap. I missed her immediately. I opened my eyes to find her kneeling in front of me.
"Are you okay?"
"I just need to get some air … this place is killing me."
Mom recognized my panic and asked Bella to get me out of there.
Dad immediately came over to check on me.
"Calm down, Son. You're all right. This isn't the same … you need to breathe, Son."
I nodded and looked over to see my mom hugging Bella.
I don't remember walking out of the hospital or the ride home. The only thing I remembered was that I held Bella's hand in mine.
I robotically let us into my home and told Bella I was going to take a shower. She wanted to do something for me, and I could have used a cup of coffee so that's what I asked her to do. I trudged up the stairs to my bedroom where I shed my clothes except for my boxers and stepped into the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and sat down hard on the toilet lid. I buried my head in my hands, the weight of the day crashing down on me in the worst way.
"Edward?" Bella's sweet voice rang out in the now steam filled room.
I needed her. I didn't have anything to hide from her, so I told her how fucking scared I was. I pulled her to me and rested my head on the soft flesh of her belly.
I told her everything. How I blamed myself for not putting my foot down with Emmett and how desperate I was to get back to her.
Bella unknowingly made her way into my heart and I was hopelessly in love with her.
"Bella, I love you. I feel like the more I'm with you, I get a little more of my old self back. I've fallen for you – no matter how hard I try – I can't help it."
Bella promised that she wasn't going anywhere and allowed me to cling to her like she was my next breath. I practically begged her to shower with me. I didn't want to be alone, and I felt comfortable enough with Bella to tell her so.
She was absolutely gorgeous standing bare before me and I'd never wanted anyone or anything more. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I was well aware how rough my hands were. With one covered in scars and the other calloused terribly in an effort to compensate for the things I couldn't do with my scarred hand while it was healing. Bella's skin was soft and smooth as porcelain and I didn't want to ruin it or make Bella cringe at my touch.
To my surprise, Bella begged me to touch her. I was hesitant, but only too happy to oblige. When she told me my hands were perfect, I wanted to kiss her silly and bury myself so deep inside her that I didn't know where I ended and she began.
I showered Bella with warm, wet kisses as I explored her body.
"Please," she begged.
I gently pushed into her and made love to her. It was slow and sweet as I rocked into her. She felt so good wrapped around me – it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, Bella's little body shuddered and my name crossed her lips like a cry and I tumbled over the edge after her.
Completely unable to move, I hoped I wasn't crushing her and if I was, she didn't say anything.
We fell asleep wrapped around each other and when I woke an hour or so later, I could help but pepper kisses along the exposed skin of Bella's shoulder. I wanted her again and I told her as much. Was it terrible that she wanted me too?
Not at all.
She was warm, snuggly and soft, and I didn't want to move, so I pushed her leg up and slowly slid into her from behind. Bella felt heavenly, wet and wanting me. I rocked into her and as I moved, I could feel her body tense up, but not in a good way. She was trembling and crying and I immediately thought I'd done something wrong. I pulled Bella closer to me and she came willingly as I pulled out of her and attempted to soothe her. How had I screwed this up so horribly? Then it dawned on me.
"Oh, God, Bella. Did Paul?"
My heart dropped when Bella nodded.
Surely this man who promised to love and cherish the beautiful creature in my arms treated her better than that?
Fucker.
"He forced himself on you that way?"
Bella explained that her ex liked that position when he was drunk and he was rough with her. I understood that she wanted contact and needed to feel like her spouse still wanted her. I'd been through those same emotions myself with Leah, but I'd never been so careless with her as I'd been with Bella, and the thought made me sick to my stomach.
Bella was absolutely right about one thing – every though we loved one another, our love didn't erase the pain of the past.
"I still need you to love me, handsome."
And love her I did.
My heart had never felt as full as it did lying in my bed with my Bella in my arms. I couldn't remember being that happy – ever. After I made love to her I held her and we talking about nothing in particular and everything all at once. Bella's sweet giggle is the best thing ever I wanted it all to myself. We kissed slowly and sweetly, our hands memorizing the feel of one another. We were close to losing ourselves in another again when I heard my phone ring.
"Sorry, baby. I better get that in case it's my parents calling about Emmett."
I hopped out of bed and ran downstairs, but I was too late as I listened to my mom's voicemail.
"Hi, sweetheart. Emmett's surgery went well. He's back in his room and is awake and asking for you. I know hospitals are hard for you, honey, but Emmett really wants to see you. I love you, Edward."
I trudged back up the stairs to find Bella sprawled out on the bed. I wanted to crawl back in and lose myself in her, but I knew I couldn't.
"That was my mom – they want me at the hospital."
Bella sat up and pulled the sheet around her, worry written all over her face. She wanted to make sure that I'd be okay. I knew I wasn't in the best place mentally when I left the hospital, but I was bombarded with memories – painful memories and it was like I could physically feel the fire again.
"Will you come with me?" I asked quietly.
.*.~.*.
I was quiet as Bella drove, but I wasn't the zombie she'd driven home. I didn't trust myself to drive yet – another reason to be thankful for Bella's presence.
We walked hand in hand to Emmett's room, where we found my mom and Rosalie fussing over him.
"Eddie!" Emmett grumbled.
"Hey, Em. How ya feeling?"
"I'm good, Bro. Feelin' no pain."
"Good."
"Eddo … I wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."
"Emmett, it's okay, Bro."
"No! Damnit! You were right and I didn't listen to you. I should have trusted you and I'm sorry."
"Thank you."
I didn't know what else to say. Emmett was apologizing for more than not listening or trusting me earlier that day. It felt nice to hear his apology even if it wasn't the best of circumstances that brought it about.
I sat down on the sofa next to my mom while Bella talked quietly with Emmett and Rosalie.
"How are you, sweetheart?"
"I'm okay, Mom. I needed to get out of here for a while."
"I know, honey. I'm glad that you had Bella to lean on."
"Me too."
"You love her."
It was a statement, not a question, because there was no question.
"Very much," I nodded.
"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so happy for you. I hope the two of you find happiness and heal each other. You both deserve it."
"Ready to go, handsome?" Bella asked quietly as she sat down beside me.
Somehow, Bella knew that I was over being at the hospital.
"Yeah, I can come back in the morning when Em's a little less dopey."
Jazz had taken my dad over to get my truck and Dad brought it back to the hospital.
Bella looked a little shocked when I handed her the keys.
"I can't drive, babe."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I … I just don't trust myself to drive right now."
"All right." Bella nodded.
We climbed inside my truck and Bella stalled.
"Umm … your house or mind?"
"Doesn't matter to me, beautiful. Either we stop by your place and pick up some things for you or we stop by mine and pick up some things for me. I don't care as long as I get to stay with you tonight."
"My house then."
"If that's what you want."
Bella nodded.
"Okay. We should maybe get some dinner while we're out?"
After we make a quick trip to my house for an overnight bag, we stopped by the grocery store – Bella would rather cook than go out or eat fast food.
I sat across the kitchen from her as she moved about her kitchen with ease. I trusted Bella, but my fears were not easily dismissed. Bella was incredibly gracious about it.
"I'm sorry, baby. Doing the dishes was one thing, but cooking … it freaks me out a little."
"No more panic attacks, Edward. You've exceeded your quota for the day."
I chuckled.
"Fair enough."
"This needs to simmer for a while. I'm going to light the fireplace."
"Let me do that for you, baby. Go get comfy."
Bella and I snuggled on the sofa for the rest of the evening.
Bella
The day after the accident was New Year's Eve. Waking to Edward in my bed was … different. A good different. We crawled into bed and Edward made love to me slowly and sweetly. He curled around me and held me close all night long. I'm sure the smile on my face was a mile wide as I remembered Edward's tender kisses upon my skin.
"Mmm … what are you smiling about, beautiful?" Edward murmured against my skin as he kissed my shoulder.
"You."
"Me? What about me?"
"You make me … happy."
"I could say the same about you."
"Good," I smiled, turning in his arms to kiss him.
"I should call and see how Emmett's doing."
I nodded.
While Edward spoke with Rosalie, I called Esme to see if there was anything I could do for her. She'd decided to cancel the party but she still wanted family over after visiting Emmett.
"Emmett's hoping he can persuade his doctor to release him today."
"Do you think they will?"
"I don't know, sweetheart. It's hard to tell. Rose said they'll come here for a few days, she'll need the help with Emmett."
"I'll help too … whatever you need, let me know."
"Thank you, Bella. Right now, all I want is for my children to be here tonight, and I do mean all my children."
"Edward and I will be there, but if there's anything else I can do, call me okay?"
"Of course, sweetheart. Give Edward my love."
Emmett was indeed released early that evening and we were at Carlisle and Esme's to help them get settled in. A nasty storm was supposed to roll in overnight and Esme asked us to make plans to stay over.
We ate and talked and laughed and for the first time since the loss of Jared and my parents, I felt like part of a family – like I belonged here with the Cullens.
I smiled to myself with the mere thought of family again as I carried dessert dishes into the kitchen.
"What's got that beautiful smile on your face, baby?" Edward asked, sneaking up behind me.
"You … your family."
"My family?"
"Mmmhmm. They make me feel loved and like I'm actually wanted here."
"Oh, Bella. You are my love. My family adores you."
"Do they think I'm good enough for you?"
"Bella …" Edward murmured, turning me and pulling me into his arms. "I think they're more worried about whether I'm good enough for you."
I sighed and laid my head on Edward's chest – reveling in the sound of his steady, beating heart. To think that Leah could have caused it to stop all together …. No, I couldn't bear to think about it.
Soft music wafted in from the living room and as I listened to the words, we began to sway.
"At last … my love has come along. My lonely days are over …."
"I love you, Bella. When Em gets better … I want to take you to Aspen for a few days. You can take your camera, we can hit the slopes … whatever you want."
"'Kay. I love you, too, Edward."
I could hear Alice calling for us, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I was home, and I was living again – if only for the man in my arms.
"Happy New Year, beautiful."
Edward's lips pressed against mine and I wrapped mine softly around them. When we finally broke apart, I whispered.
"Happy New Year, Edward."
Fin.
A/N: And there you have it. A new year and a new start for this sweet couple and that's all she wrote! There will be 2 epilogues to follow up and those will hopefully wrap up any unfinished business.
Thanks again to all of you for reading and leaving me the loveliest reviews. I truly have the best readers.
See you next week!
