Chapter Twenty-Nine:

After she had eaten, Lucy looked at the plate she had prepared for Laxus. When Cobra had dropped her off at the house, he had told her that Laxus was inside, holed up in his room, and asked if she wanted someone to come out to stay with her. Loke had stayed for a bit while she cooked, but she sent him back with Plue, knowing that it would hurt him if he stayed for much longer, and it would hurt her if she kept Plue's gate open. It was a sign of how much she had recovered that she was able to keep the small spirit's gate open for a little over eight hours, but she knew that it was a lot easier than keeping Loke, Virgo, or Taurus's gates open, even if none of them were in battle.

Picking up the plate, she headed down the hallway towards the bedrooms. Laxus's door was firmly shut, and when she tried the handle, she found it locked. Knocking on the door, she called out, but there was no answer. Sighing, she left the plate outside the door, told him it was there, and went into her room. Settling on her bed, she immersed herself in one of her favorite books, trying to forget the memories that her trip to Magnolia had evoked. Lucy didn't know why she found it so hard to reenter the town, but each time she tried to make herself go forward, she found herself trapped in her memories. Her scars ached at the memories, and she rubbed them absently as she turned a page. A lump caught in her throat as her hand brushed across the hidden tattoo. She had wished fervently that Aquarius had been there, had given her one of her harsh but loving lectures as she trembled in the roadway. While the spirit was blunt and irritating at times, she was the closest thing Lucy had to a mother, the spirit having been her first contract.

Giving up on her book, Lucy let her tears flow, stifling her sobs in an effort to keep Laxus from hearing. She missed Aquarius, her mother, Natsu, Fairy Tail…everything that had been ripped away from her by Tartarus. Sure, Fairy Tail existed now, but it was different from the guild that she had joined. Their year apart had changed them, and it had changed her most of all. Lucy wished that none of this had happened to her, wished that she had gone with Mira, Erza, Wendy…anyone. Wished that Natsu hadn't made her stay behind and take care of the guild. Wished briefly that Laxus had just let her die that day so she wouldn't have to feel like this anymore.

That's not true, a voice whispered in her head. She had heard the voice several times before, and it always reminded her of Aquarius, when the spirit was being nice. You love your guild, and you fought to keep living for them. If it had ended that day, you would have regretted it.

I don't want to feel! Lucy screamed inside her head, the tears flowing harder. It hurts too much. Things won't ever go back to normal.

Since when were things ever normal, the voice snickered. Your partners never had a plan that actually was followed. You grew a lot during the year they were all gone, and so did they. It's only natural that things would change. But the Lucy I know won't give up just because things changed. You have your old friends still, and your new friends. I know it hurts right now Lucy, and it's going to hurt for a while. You have to get up and keep moving for it not to hurt. That's why Wendy told Laxus to take you away from the guild. There was no way you could heal there; you would have remained stuck. Look how far you've come since then. Right now, it's just a bump in the road that you'll make it over. Everyone has faith in you Lucy. Don't lose faith in yourself.

A soft golden glow filled the room, and Lucy looked up to see all of her spirits gathered around her. All but one.

"Lucy," Loke said, sitting next to her on the bed. "We'll always be here for you. No matter what, we'll be by your side. You're the best master any of us have had."

"Princess," Virgo said, putting Plue down in Lucy's lap. "It is an honor to serve you. We would have been devastated if we lost you."

"But I've been such a terrible person," Lucy sniffed. "I hurt Mira, and Levy, and everyone else at the guild."

"You're the kindest person we know," Sagittarius said, saluting. "They'll understand."

"Didn't Kinana tell you that this morning?" Aries said quietly, climbing up to wrap her arms around Lucy. "The guild will still love you."

"Your mother would have been proud of the way you protected your family," Capricorn said softly. "I only wish she was here today to see you."

"Aquarius can't stop worrying about you," Scorpio said with a chuckle. "I think she's even interrupted our dates to check on you and make sure you're okay. She always says she's trying to make sure that you're not getting a boyfriend when she's not looking, but she's such a bad liar."

"Miss Luuuucy's body looks beautiful, no matter what!" Taurus bellowed, and everyone in the room snickered at his blatant disregard for the topic at hand.

"We don't like feeling you this sad," Gemi and Mini chanted, crawling up in her lap next to Plue. "We'd rather play together like we used to."

"We miss your smile," Cancer said softly. "No matter what we do with your hair and outfit, it's not complete without your smile."

"I don't deserve you," Lucy sniffed, rubbing her eyes. "Through all of this, you've always been there for me."

"It's not only our duty, but our pleasure," Capricorn said gently, resting his hand on her shoulder.

Lucy sniffed again. "I know I've been getting better recently, but I don't know what to do now."

Aries cuddled her closer, and Gemini and Plue pressed closer against her. Loke shifted so he could wrap an arm around her, and Virgo sat beside her and placed her hand on Lucy's arm. "You just do what you always do, what Fairy Tail always does. When you get knocked down, you get back up and keep trying." Loke said quietly, resting his head against hers. "You've come this far since the guild disbanded, it would be a shame to stop now."

"How?" Lucy whimpered, pulling Plue and Gemini closer. "I'm tired of never feeling like I'm better for more than a day or so. Loke, I just want to stop feeling like a trainwreck."

"You're not a trainwreck Princess," Virgo said quietly, squeezing Lucy's hand reassuringly. "It's just a rough time for anyone. You've been handling it really well, given the circumstances."

"And as for the how," Capricorn said. "We'll just take it one step at a time. Just like we took your training, back at the beginning of this."

"We'll help as much as possible," Gemini chimed, and Plue nodded emphatically. "Don't worry about that."

"You've gotten a lot better," Aries mumbled shyly. "You could probably start your training again if you take it easy."

"Keep going with Laxus to the guild and picking him up," Loke said quietly. "Go as far as you feel comfortable, and then go back. It will get easier to go further over time. We'll take turns walking with you so you won't ever have to deal with it alone."

"Ask different members of the guild to come out every so often. I'm sure Levy would love to spend time with you Princess," Virgo said softly. "You can start rebuilding bridges in a place you're comfortable with."

"If you want, I'll come help you get ready each morning," Cancer said, reaching for his scissors. "When you look good, you'll feel good."

"Aquarius said she'll send notes every so often, if you want them. She says that if you're going to have to deal without her, you should still be able to get decent love advice," Scorpio said with a chuckle.

Lucy laughed, the first time since she had returned from picking Laxus up. "She shouldn't worry so much," she said softly. "I've got enough on my plate right now to think about dealing with love."

"You never know," Loke said mischievously. "You might think again about my proposal."

Lucy and the rest of the spirits snickered, with the exception of Aries, who actually glared at the lion. "You wouldn't," Lucy said, chuckling. "I hear Aries has been spending lots of times with Virgo lately." She felt the spirit's head nodding, and Virgo smiled broadly.

Loke blanched. "You know I just said that to make you smile right?" he stuttered, looking between the three grinning women. "I know you don't have feelings like that for me."

"I'm not the one you need to convince," Lucy sang with a grin, feeling lighthearted for the first time in a long while. "You better make sure Aries believes you!"

"Aries," Loke began, and all of the spirits around burst out laughing. Smiling at the pair, Lucy grabbed their hands and put them together.

"You two make a much better pair than any other combination I can think of," she said softly. "I'm proud to call each and every one of you in this room my friends," she added, turning to the rest of her spirits. "How did you all come out, anyway? I don't feel any drain on my magical energy at all."

"We were given special permission Princess," Virgo said quietly, eyes gleaming. "You can still punish us if you want."

"The Spirit King saw how distressed you were and since we couldn't decide which of us would be best to send, he decided to allow all of us to open our gates at once." Aries said quietly. "I'm sorry if it's a bother…"

"It's not a bother at all," Lucy said softly, eyes brimming with tears again. "You guys…I can't tell you how much I love each and every one of you. Since…well you know when, I've had a lot of rough days, but you've always been there for me. I hope that I'm someday able to do that for all of you. I can't promise that I'll get better right away, but since I have you, I have the courage to keep moving again."

Around her, mumbled thanks and promises were heard as the spirits began to glow in the familiar dismissal. Once the room had dimmed though, Lucy was surprised to see Scorpio remaining.

"She's the voice in your head, you know," he said quietly. "She's pretty insistent about talking to you sometimes. I don't know how she does it, but she's channeling her voice through my key into your head. Something about the bond you two have, I guess."

Lucy swallowed hard. "Tell her I say thanks?" she mumbled against the lump rising in her throat.

"Of course," he said softly. "She also says that she's working on making a deal. I don't know what it is, since she won't tell me, but she says it's supposed to be a good thing."

"Tell her I miss her?" Lucy whispered, hugging the spirit tightly. "Tell her that I keep her key with everyone else's, right next to yours?"

"She knows you touch it every morning and whisper your greetings," Scorpio said softly. "Nearly brought her to tears the first few weeks."

"Thank you so much," Lucy mumbled, hugging him again. "And thank her too."

"Of course Lucy," he said as he faded back through his gate. "She'll be happy to hear that you're doing better."

Sitting on her bed, Lucy gathered her scattered emotions together and composed herself. She didn't know if Laxus had been able to detect that she'd been crying, or that her spirits had arrived en masse, but if he did, he didn't mind. Opening the door, she found his plate, still untouched, sitting in front of his door where she left it.

"I brought you dinner," she said softly, knocking on his door. "You really should eat at least something."

"I'm not hungry," he grunted, and she realized that he was close to the door.

"Well, it's here if you want it," she murmured. "I'll be in my room. Goodnight Laxus."

As she closed her door, she heard him say: "You were crying."

With her back to the door, she took a deep breath and said: "I was."

"About today?"

Lucy sighed. Sliding down the door, she leaned against it. "About a lot of things."

"Like what?" he asked, and Lucy could have sworn she heard a hint of desperation in his voice.

"For a bit, I wasn't sure if you saving my life was a good thing," she whispered softly.

He was quiet for a minute, and then said: "And now?"

"I would have regretted it if it ended that day," Lucy murmured. "After all that work I did to keep myself alive up until then…to have it end there would have meant the mayor won."

"What do you mean?" Laxus said listlessly.

"He may or may not have wanted me to actually die, but he sure pushed me that far," Lucy mumbled. "If I kept standing up, no matter what he threw at me, I won in the end, because I didn't give in. And thanks to you, I'm still standing, even if I was ready to just stay down that day."

"How can you thank me when I put you in that situation?" Laxus's voice was full of self-loathing, and Lucy wished she could storm across the hall and set him straight, but she knew from her own experience that guilt didn't work like that.

"Whatever else I think of you, I know you wouldn't have willingly put me in that situation," she whispered.

"You must think pretty poorly of me if that's the best you can say," she heard him mutter, and then, a little louder: "I suppose that's something. Freed thinks that I would have done it anyway."

Lucy sighed. She hadn't spent too much time with Freed since she had been injured since he had been busy running the guild, but the little bit of time he had sat with her stood out. "He's…he's worried. You know, he still blames himself for Fantasia."

"Fantastic," Laxus mumbled. "All of my mistakes banding together."

"He feels it's his fault," she said quietly, knowing that this was between Freed and Laxus, but if the events of the day before had been an indication, the two of them weren't talking. "When it comes to Fantasia…he thinks that if he had only said something sooner, tried harder to talk you out of it, none of it would have happened. In my situation…if he had seen it, if he hadn't let me leave the room, if he had been there when we discussed the contract…my guess is, he's blaming himself and taking it out on you."

"What if I'm the one to blame?"

Lucy bit her lip. It wasn't a question she was ready to deal with right now; her own feelings too conflicted on the subject. "When I was helping to defeat the Oracian Seis during the Nirvana incident…Hibiki told me that negative feelings spring up from trying to define things in terms of good and bad…I think that in cases like this, we all want to blame someone, so we pick whoever is most convenient for us, without even bothering to make sure that it's the right person or not. Right now…I'm too close to it to attempt to be fair and objective. I've spent too much time lashing out at everyone recently and I don't want to just arbitrarily answer your question right now. I promise, someday, you can ask me again and I'll answer with what I feel is the truth. But not tonight."

"Are you trying to spare my feelings because you think that I'm depressed?" he growled, and Lucy sighed, remembering a similar response from her not too long ago.

"No, I'm trying to be honest and give a damn about the consequences of what I say for once," she grumbled. "Look…I blamed you for it a lot during those six months, and then more after I nearly died. But now that I'm not as angry all the time, I'm starting to wonder if I was wrong to blame everything on you. I'm just not at the point where I can make a fair decision yet. You of all people should understand not being ready to do something."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Laxus grumbled.

"You're not ready to go back to the guild as its master," Lucy said bluntly. "You've spent the past week locked in your room doing your best Cana impression. I don't blame you for trying to cope that way, because I get trying to cope. Hell, I think there was a few times during that year where I tried to drink myself into oblivion because I thought it was easier than feeling. But you just wake up and remember everything and feel even worse. It takes time to get past that, and you weren't granted that luxury. But I'm not going to push you beyond making sure you get to the guild, because I know you need whatever you can get."

"If you think I'm not ready, why did you make me go back?" Laxus mumbled tentatively.

"Because the guild needs its master," Lucy said firmly. "We've been back for less than a year, and if you're not there, people start to get antsy. I'm sure your grandfather had his reasons, but he just up and disappeared on us after disbanding. So whether or not you're ready, you need to at least pretend to be a functioning human being. If it would help, I'd offer to lend you Gemini, but it would be counterproductive and the others are starting to be able to see through that particular ruse because they're suspicious of me. But one of the things my spirits said tonight was that you just have to keep moving forward, even if it hurts."

"Can you at least stop dragging Cobra over to make sure that I get to the guild okay?"

"Will you promise to actually go to the guild?" Lucy retorted with a chuckle. Apparently his male pride is taking a beating.

"I promise," Laxus muttered. "You tired?"

Lucy was surprised. Did he hear me yawn just now? "A bit."

"You should go to bed," he stated matter-of-factly. "Especially if you're still doing your day with Meredy and Angel tomorrow."

"Goodnight Laxus," Lucy said softly, getting up from the floor. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Lucy," he said just as softly. "And I'm glad you're still among us."

***Well, the spirits all appeared. And Lucy and Laxus are making some progress together. Next chapter will be big. I haven't decided what I'm going to post when I'm done with this, mainly because the sequel and the CoLu aren't quite where I want them. The sequel especially has these wonderful "lore" bits that I need to work out the mechanics for. And the CoLu got put on hold because the sequel was eating me up. We'll see.***