Chapter 28: The Last Straw
For a change, the return to consciousness was not a jarring experience. It was a gradual change from dark to light. But what was startling was the change of scenery. Glancing around, he took in the differences. The room was still painfully white and blank; however the room itself was much smaller. Turning his head, he could see a little sink in the corner and a mini fresher. Whatever he was lying on wasn't meant for the comfort of its occupants; it was flat and barely cushioned. Nothing else was in the room. He was alone.
He huffed lightly to himself, "Guess they moved me while I was out." As a follow up to that question, he wondered, How long was I out? His body was still aching although it was considerably dulled now. If his assumptions were correct, Qui-Gon made use of the change none-the-less. The man must have helped his body cope with his phantom injuries as well as the effects of the collar. His mind kept the image of the tall Jedi at the forefront. He found it so unfair. Qui-Gon was the catalyst that sent him into the pain-filled existence under Drrov. Tuuvu managed to bring him back. And as much as he loved and thanked his surrogate father for all his help, there was still a long buried and deep desire to be the Jedi's apprentice.
But with the odds against them ever meeting again, he was content to just hate the man for what happened to him. It was rather petty but it brought him some sense of comfort. The fact that somehow even against those horrible odds, fate had brought them together again was disconcerting. He had always assumed that the man would have long forgotten about him, even if he himself could not. So it was shocking to know that the Knight recognized him so quickly. As their 'adventure' (Obi didn't know what else to call it) continued, he was more surprised to discover that not only was the man able to identify him, but had also thought about him quite often and that he made a mistake.
A mistake. An error. A blunder. A misjudgment.
Was that all he was to the universe? Could it be that somehow fate was defied and sent him down the wrong path? He just didn't know. And thinking about it too much was giving him a headache. So he stopped and thought about different things, like Tuuvu and his family. Suddenly he was unbearably homesick. Whenever he was down, he could always count on Tuuvu, Jorri, Mrrogh or Liior to give him a hug. He always loved their hugs. Not only were they always what he needed but because of their soft fur it was extremely comforting and soothing. He really longed for one of those now. Instead, he could only hope for the chance to see them one more time before the end.His headache was getting worse. Those thoughts had done nothing except fuel his throbbing head. Giving up, he decided not to think at all. But when you are alone with nothing else but your thoughts and no desire to sleep, what else was there to do?
Yet it was something more sinister that shredded his attempts. "Bauudi." The voice said. Immediately, Obi-Wan shot up. His eyes, wide and searching for something he almost feared more than failure. His breathing had become shallow and rapid.
In the stillness of his cell, he begged, "Please, not again."
"Weakling child, you can't escape me."
Obi-Wan clenched his eyes shut, hoping that he could banish the voice by sheer will-power. But the voice was created by sterner stuff than that. It snapped, "How dare you? You belong to me. You will always belong to me. You may have enjoyed the thought of me gone, but I will always have you. Always be a part of you."The rogue could feel the cold sweat on his skin and the tightening of his throat. It was only a matter of time before the tears would come. And the pain. It always did. "That's right. Why bother fighting back? You know it will only end in pain. Your pain."
"Please, just go away," his own voice sounded small and childlike in his own ears.
"No."
It said plainly. "Try and make me." When nothing happened for a moment, an insidious laugh echoed in his ears. And he felt the first of his tears break free and trickle down his cheek. Within moments some of his old scars began to ache. They were the ones that had been particularly agonizing and left him helpless. Even after five years that beast still had control over him. The laugh would periodically return along with condescending insults. And all he could do was sit there and take it in silence, like he always had.He didn't know how long he had been sitting there. In fact he hadn't even realized he moved until he heard the locks to his cell click open. Instantly, his eyes popped open to see Official Martorana enter along with another man he didn't recognize. The man looked to be a bit younger than Qui-Gon but had a very regal air about him. His light brown hair was slicked back and dressed in a tidy suit and robes. Neither seemed surprised to find him huddled in a corner.
Martorana spoke first, "I'm glad to see that you are awake, Obi-Wan. This here is Guillaume se Tavis, at Master Jinn's request he will be your barrister."
Obi-Wan looked warily up at the man. Guillaume said nothing but took a few steps closer. "Hello, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon's told me a lot about you. Well, as much as he could anyway. That's why I'm here. I need to know a little more before heading into the trial tomorrow. If you don't mind, I just need to ask you a few questions." When Obi-Wan didn't say anything, both Fama and Gi opened the session. They spent a number of hours asking questions upon questions trying to get a better feel for what happened. As much as he didn't want to deal with either of them at the moment, their presence kept the voice at bay. So he humoured them. At last, they finished. But before Fama left, she turned to the tired youth.
"You have one more visitor. She'll be here in a moment."
Curious, he wondered who it could be. The Official has said she so he doubted it was Qui-Gon. He wondered where the man was for a moment as it was obvious that he was denied the chance to stay with Obi-Wan. About ten minutes later he was about to find out who this strange visitor was. The cell door opened once more. The figure's back was to him, but he could tell by the robes that this person was a Jedi. Hushed whisperings were muttered. Then she turned around to look at him. A curious look on her face, which he was able to discern due to experience. The being was definitely a feline-like humanoid but equally was not Togorian.
She had medium length fur with hints of grey at the ends. Her striped eyes were an amazingly clear blue. He knew right away that she was Koyn by her slender face. Koyn came from the same sector of space as Togorians did, just a different planet. In a sense they were cousins. Suddenly, it occurred to him why she was sent and a scowl formed on his face. She seemed to recognize this change and stepped cautiously inside. Movement by the door caught his attention for a moment before it closed all the way. Apparently, this Master had brought her Padawan along with her. He wasn't able to see much and promptly forgot about it when the Koyn approached.
"Greetings Obi-Wan Kenobi, my name is Uulia Uvontra Vylond." Her voice was soothing, non-confrontational and she took her time speaking. Warily, he regarded her but said nothing. "I have been asked to do a quick assessment of you. I am a Soul Healer. I was hoping to ask you a few questions."
At this, his eyes narrowed. "Do they honestly believe that sending you here would make me open up and spill my heart to you just because you're Koyn? Besides, I've answered enough questions today." He was surprised to hear the edge in his voice. He never intended to be so disrespectful, but he was annoyed at the circumstance. To her credit, all she did was nod and utter a soft, 'ah.' For some reason, her response annoyed him more.
"You must think that I was chosen to come here because of your familiarity with our cousins the Togorians, don't you?" A spark in his eyes told her she was correct. "Well, rest assured that is not why I was sent. Although the possibility has probably crossed their minds. In all truth, I was sent because of my affiliation with the Coruscant Security Force. I am a liaison between the Jedi and the CSF. Often my services are requested to assist with profiling and determine the felon's mental state."
At this, he had to laugh, although the mirth was only half-hearted. By the end of his little outburst, an element of sorrow filled the hollow sound. "My mental state is probably not the best right now," he mumbled.
She ignored this comment and pressed on with her task. "May I ask why you are sitting there?"
Leaning his head back against the wall, he tightened his hold around his knees. Closing his eyes, he figured he may as well cooperate. "I feel safer here."
"Safer? Has anyone in the CSF threatened or harmed you in anyway?" The concern and worry was obvious in her tone.
"No."
"Then why do you feel the need to hide in a corner?"
"Because I do. You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
He sighed and realized she wasn't going to let this go. "When I was a prisoner the corner was my home. Now I just kinda find it comfortable." He shrugged; there really was no rational way for him to explain it. Thankfully, she seemed satisfied with this answer and moved on.
"So you were a prisoner before you were a pirate." She stated more than asked. He nodded. "Can you tell me briefly about your experiences?"
Looking directly at her he said, "I'll tell you this. My captivity was not at all pleasant. It was a living hell. One I wished I could have escaped from. And I didn't care how exactly as long as I didn't have to suffer any more. Then everything changed. The old ways were cast aside, I was freed. Those that took care of me after that did so not because I could do something for them, but because they wanted to. I felt I owed them for their kindness, so I helped them wherever I could."
"Including piracy?"
"Wherever I could," he reiterated.
"I have heard that you taught them how to intimidate rather than kill."
"I was a Jedi, the concept of killing – or rather not killing – had been ingrained in me. I had hoped that someday we could find a way to live without raiding at all."
"Changing one's ways is a very difficult task."
"Yeah, so? Well, I once heard it said that, Things that don't change are so lame." He laughed lightly remembering how a thirteen-year-old Liior had told him that one day when they were talking. At least that was how his mind translated it as he was still learning their language. "The world changes. Life changes. Circumstances change. If we don't then we won't survive to worry about it." They sat in silence for a few minutes. Uvontra seemed to be watching him, and he suddenly got the impression she was probing him. Feeling a bit uncomfortable by the thought, he shifted and hugged himself tighter.
Without provocation, she smiled. "You are a very unique young man, Obi-Wan. I hope we shall be able to talk again sometime. Thank you for your time." She bowed halfway, a rather formal bow and one he felt he didn't deserve after being so rude before. But still, she did so and then knocked on the door letting the guards know she was done. A few seconds later the door opened again to let her out. Before leaving, she turned back to him and bobbed her head one more time.
He was alone now. Again. Closing his eyes once more, he just sat there. Tomorrow his trial would begin, and in a way he looked forward to it. At least by the end there wouldn't be any more questions to plague him. His fate would be decided once and for all and that would be it. He was fairly sure how things would turn out, but still that scant ember of hope still burned. Why? He wondered. Why did he always put himself through it? It never helped or solved anything. Most of the time it only made it worse. "Because you're a fool, Bauudi." A sob escaped him. Not you again.
"Oh yes me. We were interrupted before but I wasn't finished yet. Now where were we?"
Obi-Wan slunk even further into himself, if that were possible. He was mad. The voice couldn't even leave him alone for a few minutes. Instead it quickly returned to torment him. There was no time to brace for the coming storm. His old wounds and now even his more recent ones began to ache. The tears were soon to follow along with that incessant voice that chipped away at his soul. It hissed in his ears taunting him, jibing him. Barely rocking back and forth he brought his hands up to his ears in a futile attempt to block out the voice. It was no good.Once again time seemed surreal. So engrossed in his struggle for sanity, he never noticed his door open to admit one last guest for the night. It was only when a hand lighted on his arm that he realized he was no longer alone. Without even opening his eyes, he knew who it was. The light touch, the smell that wafted up his nose and the odd sense he was getting revealed that to him. Amazingly enough, he didn't shy away from the touch or rush to hide his tears. Oddly, he ended up leaning toward it. The room was still silent, yet to be broken by a voice while the turmoil within the youth slowly began to abate. The being's small hand rubbed tiny circles into his back, offering comfort. And when Obi-Wan felt he had control of his emotions again, he finally addressed the visitor. "Thank you, Master Yoda."
"What for, young one?"
"I'm not sure exactly," he mumbled, wiping at his eyes and face. "I guess for everything." The tiny hand on his back slid away to rest on the top of his gimer stick. A low grunt escaped the Master. To Obi-Wan it sounded rather disapproving. Curious he asked, "Did I say something wrong?"
"No." Yoda moved to the low bunk and climbed onto it. "Nothing wrong, you have done."
Still unsure but filled with a desire to speak with the sage so urgently, the youth moved to kneel reverently in front of the petite green figure. "Then, may I ask what is troubling you Master?"
The ancient being's reaction was not at all what the rogue expected. The long pointed ears drooped low. Breathing out a long sigh, eyelids closed only to reopen a moment later looking very tired and sad. One hand reached out to touch the boy's cheek. "Missed you I have. Too long you have been away from us. Returned sooner, I had hoped."
Relishing the gentle contact, it took a few extra beats for his weary mind to comprehend the man's words. As they began to sink in his gaze moved up to lock with the Jedi's. "Returned sooner? But I thought…. They said that everyone thought I was dead."
"Never believed that I did."
Stunned, he stuttered, "Th-then why didn't anyone look for me?" Tears brimmed his eyes, threatening to fall.
"Convince the Council I could not." Yoda put down his walking stick so that he could cup the boy's face with both hands. "Why did you not come back?"
"What was there for me to come back to? My dreams were already lost. I would have returned just to be sent away again. I couldn't bear being thrown out a second time."
"A mistake we made in letting you go." Yoda said. "Mistakes I have made. Caused you much pain and suffering."
"Oh no, Master Yoda, you haven't. Even though they may have been painful reminders of my past, it was your teachings that kept me alive. Otherwise, I would be dead right now." He quickly tried to reassure his old mentor.
"A disservice I have done the Jedi by my meddling."
Obi-Wan was beyond confused now, he just couldn't grasp what Yoda was trying to say in his typical round-a-bout manner. "I don't understand, Master. What meddling? What mistakes?"
Sighing, he felt he may as well get out what he had come to confess. But he would do so in his own way and time. "Gifted you have been. Noticed it I did when brought to the Temple you were. Exceptional student. Loyal and true to Jedi and friends. Very promising you were. A great Knight you would have made."
The emotions in the sea-washed eyes ranged. He didn't know what to do or say. He was grateful and happy at this obvious praise, but he knew that there was more to come. And he wasn't sure he was going to like what was said. "If I had such potential, why was I never chosen? Promising students don't get looked over for no reason. Do they? So what was wrong with me that I was passed over?" Yet again, he posed the question that brought fear to his heart. The answer had the power to make or break him. He had posed it to Qui-Gon and was disheartened to know that the man held nothing over him. But with such great wisdom as Master Yoda had, he expected to finally be told the truth. He would finally discover what made others fear his training and forced his exile. He braced himself for the worst. Unfortunately the answer that came was far worse than he could ever have expected.
Yoda let out another great sigh. His shoulders sagged and he closed his eyes. Barely above a whisper, he answered, "Nothing wrong with you, there was."
It was like he had been stabbed through the heart by a lightsaber. Nothing. The word echoed in his mind eventually finding its way to his voice, "n-nothing?"
"Nothing," he repeated. "In fact, a number of Knights to the Council came, requesting permission to approach you. Denied they all were by my prompting."
"What?" A disbelieving hiss escaped him. His mind was reeling from the verbal blows. Confused and lost, he just couldn't accept what the Master was saying. Knights had asked to be his Master and Yoda, of all people, pushed them away? He was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. Pained blue-green eyes bore into the Jedi, searching desperately for any signs of verification. "Why?" He managed to plead.
"Felt I had that another, your Master should have been."
His mind continued to race through the information, suddenly it dawned on him whom Yoda meant, "Qui-Gon?" Yoda nodded.
"Believed strongly that the Force meant for you two to be Master and Padawan. So helped it along I did. Denied others and kept at Qui-Gon to consider you. But too wrapped in his own pain he was to see you. And too blind by my own beliefs to stop what was happening. The fight with Bruck caused the others to release you. Nothing I could do to prevent it. And no way to convince Qui-Gon in time to take you. So away you were sent and lost."
Obi-Wan struggled to get to his feet. Glaring down at the Jedi, he began, "In the past five years I have gone through hell and back, and for what? Nothing? You're telling me that all the pain I went through was not because I deserved it but because of an oversight?" He paused, waiting for an answer that wouldn't come. The anguish in his voice poured out, "All my life I wanted nothing more than to be a Jedi, to serve others. And when I was cast out, I wanted to die because if I couldn't be a Jedi, life would be meaningless. There were so many times I was on the verge, I could feel the Force closing in around me, but I could never bring myself to let go. I figured living would be just punishment for the demon I believed I was.
"And now you tell me that everything I believed about myself was a lie. My failures were not absolute. That my punishment was unfitting. And what difference does all this really make? None. My dreams are dead! I'm too old to be a Jedi now. And what would the Jedi want with a convicted pirate anyway?" Tears trailed down his face, his throat constricted making it hard to speak, but he had to get out one last question, "How could you destroy my life?"
And for the first time in too many years to count, Yoda had no answers. He had no shining gem of wisdom to balm the emotional scars he himself had inflicted. Seeing this, the youth could take no more. His legs buckled and he collapsed to the ground on hands and knees. His head bent and his body racked with sobs. Eventually, he found the will to speak one more time. "Please, leave me alone."
Yoda slid off the meager sleepcouch. He took a few steps and stopped. Carefully, he laid his hand on top of flowing ginger strands. Just above a whisper, he said, "So sorry I am." Then he shuffled out of the detention cell and headed for the Temple. Obi-Wan slowly crawled his way back to the corner and wept. The roiling emotions took their toll and eventually exhaustion finally claimed him.
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Thank you all for reading!! I was hoping to get a few more reviews from last chap, but I'll live. Anyways, a Review here would be really great considering the emotional rollercoaster I just took you on. I know me and especially my Muses would appreciate it very much!! Domo ariagato gozaimasu!!! :D
LOTRFaith – Yes, an update, and another one too. ;) I would LOVE to bring Tuuvu back in but he knows that to interfere now would only destroy Obi further. So he must sit and wait. But that doesn't mean it's easy for him. Hopefully we'll get back to them soon. Now on with the Trial!! ]:D
K-rock – Maybe not in this chap, but watch out, because Sano might just rear his ugly head next chap. ]:p I'm still looking for that next chap. But that's ok, get it to me whenever you can! :D You're silly. And I could probably ramble on for hours right now considering it's really late and I'm tired and getting into a strange mood. But I think it's best I quit while I'm ahead!! ;) Catch ya later!!
Fudge – Thank you as always!! I just love Angst (as if you couldn't tell or know) and it's so much fun drawing on the unstable emotions of humanity. It really is our driving force in life. Even if we express no emotion we still can be guided by them. And I like filling out my chars. To write boring and stale people always makes me mad, which is why so many of them get lives and backgrounds when they are created. And yes, not everyone is strong enough to follow their emotions to the fullest extent. For Fama to just through her life away on a whim would be too risky. And for such a sensible person as a CSF Official it would make no sense. Therefore, she did what she had to do. But I am so very happy to know that her char has not been underdeveloped. :D Thanks again!
Amazed – tehe, you called me Arldetta-san. hehe. May I ask you a question, do you know Japanese or are you just an Anime fan as well? If you haven't noticed, I'm in the process of trying to learn. So if you do, would you mind contacting me so we can 'chat?' If not, that's cool too. Just wanted to ask. ;) So anyways so, yes, the dream was a bit vague but I wanted it to be. And Obi's just so good at being humble, ne? It would be a sin not to write it as such. Domo, Domo!! It's not necessarily that I doubt myself, but my abilities. Sometimes the story in my head doesn't come out exactly the way I want it to. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes very frustrating. I would LOVE to publish, but I'm gonna have to work on my originals for that. But shhhh, I just started developing an Anime-esque type of a story. So who knows if that may ever come to fruition. Wish me luck!! ;) Ariagato!! Later! :D
So, a review would be nice now. That's right a REVIEW!! I won't be so petty to put a review quota like I've seen others do. But the more I do receive the more excited I get and thus the more my Muse is happy. And a Happy Muse always produces better and FASTER work. ;) Thanks again to all!! :D :D Later.
