Makoto continued to tremble for a good while longer, wrapping his arms tighter around himself and pressing his legs just a little more to his chest each time his tremors seemed to worsen, to contain them the only way he knew how – by locking himself firmly into place until his convulsions died down completely.
At first Haruka forced himself to stand a few feet away, not wanting to pressure Makoto with his presence. He kept staring into the distance that held the promise of Nagisa and Rei, but when neither appeared within a reasonable amount of time and Makoto was still huddling helplessly by the wall, Haru gathered his courage to walk back to his friend. He hesitated, then reached out to slip a light hand onto Makoto's shoulder, bracing himself for the inevitable, the confrontation he never wanted to have. Makoto twitched at the sudden touch of his shoulder. He raised his head just barely to glance up at Haru, but the other forced his features calm, keeping his hand where he had placed it.
"Don't crush your chest," he said quietly, hoping Makoto's pressure tactics hadn't put too much strain on the heart that had just begun beating again, let alone the ribs Haru pressed down on. He could only hope none of them had broken in the effort. "Lower your legs and take a deep breath."
Haru half expected him to argue, but after a short pause, Makoto nodded and released his knees, letting his arms fall limply to the side as his legs gave out and stretched across the sand. Makoto took a large gulp of air, letting it out in a long sigh. Haruka's shoulders slumped in relief.
"Good.. Keep taking deep breaths," he told Makoto, withdrawing his hand reluctantly as Makoto straightened his back and shoulders, then began inhaling and exhaling just as Haru told him to. His chest expanded and flattened in a slow, even rhythm. Haruka found it almost therapeutic to watch it rise and fall of its own accord, his own breathing soon matching Makoto's without even thinking. Luckily for both of them, the exercise proved just as soothing for Makoto, whose convulsions softened considerably, until there was nothing left but a slight tremble of his hands. As his breathing softened, he drew his hands into his lap and clasped them loosely together. Haru took it as his cue, and sat down next to him. He closed his eyes for a moment to prepare himself, and Makoto fell eerily silent as if he could tell what was coming. Haru pursed his lips.
"Have you calmed down?" he asked quietly. Makoto was staring blankly into space.
"Yeah…"
Haru tried to catch Makoto's eyes and failed. He clenched his jaw.
"Makoto.."
Makoto's shoulders tensed and Haru hesitated, but only for a moment. He could wait no longer.
"I first thought it was just anxiety over trying new things and failing, but it's more than that."
Makoto lowered his head like a guilty child. Haru's heart jolted.
"You're afraid of water, aren't you?"
At first, Makoto froze as the well of poison inside him erupted and numbed his limbs completely, but when he at last lifted his head, his mouth curled into a small, defeated smile. It was over. Haru breached the final barrier and pierced right through him, laying him open and bare on the storm-washed sands of Sukishima. Makoto let the back of his head bonk softly against the wall at the thought, his relief so enormous it drew tears from his eyes. His throat filled with scraps he didn't need to hold back anymore. The swim club, his friendships, and all his hopes were on the verge of fading away, but standing at the threshold of release, Makoto could not help but feel unbearably glad. He had grown tired, so very tired of pretending to be something he was not, and could only thank his unlucky stars that everything would end with Haru, who would break his heart as softly and painlessly as possible.
"I am, Haru," he said in a whisper. Haruka stared at him in horror, his chest painfully cold and empty.
"All this time? Ever since joint practice..?" he managed to ask, but Makoto shook his head and flashed him that threadbare poolside smile Haru felt he would never forget.
"No. I've been afraid of the water since I was seven," said Makoto. He lowered his eyes to the sand, the look on his face wrenching Haru's heart like a rag.
"Why didn't you tell me..?"
"I didn't know how to tell you. I've never met anyone like you, Haru. Water means everything to you and I, I hate water," said Makoto, his voice bursting into soft, pained laughter as the well gushed forth with all its wretched filth. "For the longest time, I feared and despised the water and did everything I could to avoid it, and then I met you, you who wanted nothing more than to swim. I've never seen anyone so passionate about the water before. You seemed like the complete opposite of me. I, hah.. ha ha, I will never forget how disgusted you were when I told you I didn't like water. You told me you didn't need anyone like that."
Makoto paused and wiped his face absent-mindedly, as though the tears that kept rolling down his cheeks were no more than pesky drops of rain. Haruka wanted to tell him to stop, but shame and pain had severed his tongue and wired his jaws shut.
"At that moment, I knew I would never tell you unless I had no choice, so I stayed silent," continued Makoto, finally gathering the courage to look his friend in the eye. He no longer smiled. Any semblance of relief had peeled from his face. "I'm so sorry, Haru. I never meant to deceive you like that, I never wanted to lie to you. I was just really.. really scared. You were my only friend back then, and… even though I was terrified of water, I was more afraid of losing you."
Haruka's stomach clenched, then burst into a million fluttering butterflies. Makoto's chest was jumping fiercely.
"I tried so hard to keep it a secret," he said, shaking his head as if to laugh at his own failure and folly. "I even agreed to go to joint practice. I was terribly afraid to say yes, but I just couldn't say no, not to you, and when the day came, I remember feeling glad I was injured. I was aching for days, but on that day, I thought all the pain I felt was going to keep me safe from the water. But then I was forced to dive in anyway… and when I crashed, it all came back. It was terrible."
"Makoto.." breathed Haru, but Makoto could no longer bear the shackles he had once forged of his own volition. He continued to break the links, one word at a time.
"As I started sinking, all I could think was, This is it. I avoided the ocean for ten years, only to drown in a pool," he breathed as he pressed a trembling hand to his face. "I couldn't even move until you and Nagisa dragged me out. And by the time I got to the bathroom, I was shaking. I was shaking so badly I could hardly stand. And since then, sometimes that feeling comes back. In the pool, or in class, or on the way home, it just.. attacks me. You saw me stop in the middle of swimming, Haru. I know everyone else did, too. It was a real nightmare, trying to keep it a secret from you."
Makoto fell silent, as though he had been spent. Haru hesitated.
"..We forced you to swim, and you did it because you felt you had no choice," he began to say, his heart aching at every syllable. "But then.. why did you offer the camping equipment? If you had just kept quiet, there would have been no training camp. The others would have had to drop it and none of this would have happened. None of it."
Makoto sighed. He drew up his legs again to wrap his arms around them.
"I couldn't let that happen, Haru," he said at last, his eyes large and gleaming. "Everyone else had their hearts set on it and for the first time, I had the chance to do something really great, to be useful to everyone just like I always wanted. And… I know this will sound weird, but.. it was Kou-chan's idea, and she sounded so disappointed when it seemed like it would fall through. I just couldn't take it. I wanted her to be happy."
Haru paled. Makoto didn't notice.
"Even though I never say it, I wonder about Kou-chan a lot. I just can't stop thinking about how much she loves her brother, but he doesn't even talk to her. I know you used to be friends with Rin, and Nagisa and Rei seem to think highly of him and I respect that, but it's just not right. I would never treat Ran like that. So, in a way.. I wanted to do something nice for Kou-chan, to be there for her like her brother wasn't, and help her wish come true. And not just because I can't help being a… a mother hen. – Don't smile, Haru. I know it's true. – But because… whenever I see Kou-chan, I feel like I know her somehow, and I keep thinking she's younger than she really is, though maybe that's because I always think of her the way I think about Ran."
Makoto's hands fell into his lap again as Haruka slowly thawed out, his cheeks growing uncomfortably hot. By the time Makoto finished, his heart floated up from the pit of his stomach lighter than a feather. You haven't changed, have you, he thought to himself. Meddlesome busybody…
"Fine," he said, his features hardening again to mask his relief. "All of that is fine. But it doesn't explain why you went out to swim on your own at night."
Makoto hung his head again.
"I'm so sorry, Haru. It was a stupid idea. I know I shouldn't have gone out, but when evening came, I just couldn't sleep because.. because of how close we were to the ocean. I never got to ask you, but when we had to pick tents, I desperately wanted to bunk with you. Water always seemed less terrifying when you were with me, so I thought that just being close to you would help me calm down and go to sleep."
Haru turned his head a little too quickly. Makoto colored.
"But in the end, I couldn't be with you and I just couldn't sleep. Rei.. Rei is great. Rei has been very kind to me, but.. I just don't feel as comfortable around him as I feel around you. Everything bothered me, the blow of the wind was driving me insane, and I just had to get out of the tent and see the ocean, to tell myself, Look, the ocean is calm, it won't attack you. Nobody's going to drown in their sleep. But then, as I kept staring at the ocean, it looked really peaceful and wonderful under the stars, so I thought that maybe if I just swam a little and looked at the stars, I would become less afraid of it. I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I just wanted to get over myself, and be confident and fearless like everyone else."
Haruka stared at him, his heart swelling with fond exasperation.
"You're the biggest idiot I've ever met," he mumbled before he could stop himself. Makoto's eyes widened, but as much as Haru wanted him to protest, Makoto didn't say a word. He merely broke into a tender, defeated smile and lowered his head, as though he were bowing to the guillotine. Haru braced himself.
"Makoto…"
He waited until Makoto lifted his head again, then locked him in a hard stare.
"No more secrets," Haru began in a passionate tone. "You managed to deceive everyone because you felt you had to, but it almost killed you, so don't do this anymore. Don't put yourself through hell to please other people. You're too important for that! Too important to—" He bit his lip. "To all of us."
"Haru…!" breathed Makoto, his eyes wide. Haru flushed pink.
"Any more secrets?" he asked, his face uncharacteristically alert.
Makoto hesitated. The well had drained – there were no more painful truths to confess. All that remained inside was a tangle of tender feelings swelling in his throat, the words on the tip of his tongue, but Makoto cradled them protectively to his heart, unable to share them. Not now. Not yet. The time would come when he would finally feel brave enough.
"No.. not really," he said at last with a smile, a real smile that softened his entire face. Haru turned his head and pursed his lips, his brow furrowed. What did he expect..?
"Tell me one more thing," he managed to say, his voice a little thicker than he would have liked, in wait of an answer he now dreaded like nothing else. "I know that learning how to swim was torture to you. We all knew. But, does that mean that swimming with us in the ocean made you feel just as terrible?"
"No..!" blurted Makoto without a moment's hesitation. Haruka turned to him with his heart fluttering. Makoto flushed. "No, that's not true, Haru. I swear it's not. Sure, I was afraid at first, I hardly knew how I was going to bear swimming in the ocean. But then, once we started swimming in earnest and everyone was there with me, I, I liked that. It made me feel.. it made me feel as if swimming could actually be fun..!"
Haruka stared at him wide-eyed. Was Makoto blushing…?
"The more time we spent together, the more I understood why Nagisa and Rei wanted to swim with you," continued Makoto, his smile fading into seriousness. "And Haru, it's not just them anymore. I want to swim with you too! So.. let's swim a relay! Because if you're not there… then it's no good. It's meaningless without you, Haru. I don't want to swim if I can't swim with you!"
Haruka's heart was pounding as Makoto looked to him for the final verdict. Life, or death. Water or the shore, forever.
Haru's lips twitched open. No sound came out.
"Eh? Haru..?" said Makoto as he turned towards the other, slowly leaning forward as if trying to hear him better. Haru found himself leaning closer too, their eyes fixed on each other and lips parting in perfect harmony…
"There they are!" cried a voice in the distance. Haru and Makoto twitched apart at once, as though they had been caught in some illicit act. "Haru-chan! Mako-chaaan!"
They turned to their right with their breaths held back. It was no illusion. Nagisa and Rei were running towards them in the rain, Rei hugging his kickboard and Nagisa waving wildly. Makoto gasped, shifting in his seat.
"Rei! Nagisa!" he called out as he rose to his feet and hurried forward to greet them. Haruka stood up to go after Makoto, brimming with relief yet strangely irked at Nagisa and Rei for showing up right at that moment, just as he was going to…
…what was he going to do?
"Makoto-san! Thank goodness you are both alright..!" cried Rei when they reached Makoto, waiting for Haruka to join them before he stepped forward and lowered his head.
"Makoto-san… I owe you an apology," he said, his voice strained. "As vice-captain and your tentmate, it would have been my responsibility to dive in and save you, but I couldn't do it. Please forgive me…"
Makoto's cheeks paled a little. If he himself was terrified, he could hardly imagine how Rei must have felt when he discovered Makoto was out in the ocean.
"Rei..! No, please – it was my fault. I should have never gone out on my own. I'm sorry," he said as he bowed his head lower than Rei. Haruka tensed, but said nothing. Opposite him, Nagisa nudged Rei a little and beamed at him brightly, as if to say, I told you so. Rei broke into a small, tired smile.
"Well, at least you and Haruka-senpai are safe. I'm very glad," he replied with a nod to Haru, gathering his courage as Makoto nodded and straightened again. "But I must ask, Makoto-san.. why did you go out at night without telling me?"
"Rei-chan was worried you felt pressured to train at night just to keep up with us," said Nagisa, squinting meaningfully at Makoto, who seemed to understand the silent plea and flashed Rei a sheepish smile.
"No, I didn't.. it was just an idea I had that turned out to be a bad one… I'm sorry."
Haru frowned, biting his tongue not to tell off Makoto for apologizing over and over again. Annoying… doesn't he ever learn?
"It's over now," he said out loud, his tone low but firm enough to cease all inquiries on Rei's part. Nagisa shook his head a little. Haru turned his.
"Well, at least everyone's okay," said Nagisa softly and they all felt silent, basking in the warmth of their happy reunion until a gust of wind swept past and made Nagisa shudder.
"Isn't it kinda cold..?" he hissed as he wrapped his arms around himself. Rei's features darkened in concern.
"It is… I wonder if we can find better shelter from the rain somewhere," replied Makoto, careening his head until he twitched to a halt, his eyes fixed on what appeared to be a large, round building on top of the rock. The others followed his gaze and waited. A shaft of light flashed overhead.
"A light house?" mumbled Rei. "But that structure looks too flat to be a light house proper…"
"Whatever it is, I guess we should check it out," said Makoto in a tentative tone. "Hopefully it's a rest house and they might let us in for the night."
"Or it might be a haunted house!" chimed in Nagisa, sounding absolutely delighted at his own idea. "After a series of gruesome murders and strange disappearances, the mansion looming above Oshima—"
"Sukishima, Nagisa-kun.." Rei corrected him in a choked voice behind his defensively raised kickboard.
"—right, right, the death trap mansion of Sukishima closed its gates forever, sealing away the remains of campers whose spirits are crying for revenge..!"
By the time he finished his piece, Makoto turned as pale as Nagisa's imaginary ghosts. Haruka narrowed his eyes, shooting Nagisa a glare.
"Stop it.." he said, his eyes darting to Makoto for a moment.
"Y-Yes, stop talking complete nonsense, Nagisa-kun!" snapped Rei in a hushed tone. "There were never any murders or strange disappearances on Sukishima and that's final!"
"Aww, you're no fun," whined Nagisa.
"I am plenty of fun!" cried Rei indignantly, his voice suddenly booming. Makoto flinched.
"Now, now..!" he pleaded as he scooted a little closer to Haru. "Maybe we could just walk along the coast and find a larger cave to—"
"Are you kidding, Mako-chan?" asked Nagisa, who made a show of rubbing his thin arms to keep himself warm. "The house on top is our only chance before we freeze to death!"
"As much as I detest the idea, Nagisa-kun is right," said Rei, holding the kickboard a little closer to himself. "We need shelter for the night and there is hardly a better place on an island than a building."
"If you say so.." mumbled Makoto, obviously reluctant to go. Haru sighed.
"It'll be fine," he said quietly. Makoto glanced at him, then lowered his head in a small, nervous nod. Rei cleared his throat.
"Haruka-senpai, as captain, I believe it is your duty to lead us to the house.."
Haruka gave him a look that seared Rei's cheeks red with shame, but before he could defend his point, Nagisa stepped forward.
"No way! I wanna lead!" he told the others, and having seen no pathway leading uphill along their way, Nagisa started running down the beach, past the shallow opening that once held Haruka and Makoto. The others had no choice now but to hurry after him if they didn't want to be left behind – or worse, to lose Nagisa and have him be the first strange disappearance in the history of Sukishima island.
After a sharp turn around the rocky hill, Nagisa finally glimpsed a narrow path carved into its side, one that was bound to lead all the way up to the building. It seemed neglected, with no railings to guard its impressive length, and though Nagisa thought little of the danger of climbing stone steps in the rain, he had foresight enough to wait for the others to reach him first.
"Looks like this is our way up, everybody!" he said cheerfully, hoping that his happy-go-lucky attitude would hearten the others, but if anything, Makoto looked painfully alarmed and shrank backwards.
"It's too dangerous, we might slip and fall off!" he whined from behind Haruka, his hands twitching upward as though he considered clinging to his friend's shoulders for some semblance of safety. Rei lowered his head.
"I'm beginning to have doubts, Nagisa-kun—"
"Now, now, don't be like that..!" cried Nagisa, looking a little alarmed himself. "We need to get to that house or we'll just get sick out here!"
Rei hesitated. Nagisa smiled at him soothingly.
"Here, Rei-chan," he said as he held out his hand. "Let's form a chain and walk up together."
Rei swallowed hard, but reached out to take Nagisa's hand, and since he was still holding the kickboard, he held that out for Haruka. Haru gave him a look.
"Haruka-senpai..?"
"We need to hold hands, Rei-chan!" Nagisa told him. "Put that kickboard away!"
"Where could I possibly put it away, Nagisa-kun?!"
"Here!" said Nagisa, and just like that, he grabbed the kickboard out of Rei's hands and stuffed it down the back of his shorts. Rei screeched as the kickboard chafed against his skin, but before he could do anything, Nagisa grabbed his hand again and Haru seized the other, reaching out his free hand for Makoto to take. Makoto carefully clasped it, the warmth of his palm sending shivers up Haruka's arm. Nagisa beamed at them.
"Here. Weee. Gooo!"
And so Nagisa began their slow and careful ascent, climbing towards the mysterious house that could have been anything, even and especially haunted. At least Nagisa set a comfortable, steady pace for them, so despite Rei's fear that his pants might fall down any minute, leading to the loss of his kickboard and his dignity, he managed to move just enough to advance, while tempting the fabric as little as possible. An arm's length behind him, Haru was heading forward blindly, not once looking up for reasons that were far more pressing than the kickboard sticking out of Rei's shorts. His eyes were fixed on Makoto, who advanced the slowest of them all. For most of his climb, he was either staring down to watch his step, or screwing his eyes shut to block out the view of the shore growing smaller and smaller below him. Fortunately for him, Haru never let him stop. Each time Makoto seemed to waver, Haru squeezed his hand and watched him open his eyes, look up in thanks, and climb a little faster again.
The moment they reached the top, and he was finally released on both sides, Rei grabbed the front of his shorts with one hand and pulled out the kickboard with the other, not wanting to risk the exposure he had been dreading for the past fifteen minutes. The others tactfully looked away as Rei proceeded to tighten the waist-cord and secure his shorts again. Nagisa patted his arm with a grin.
"See, Rei-chan? That worked perfectly!" he chirped. Rei merely groaned in reply. "Now, let's go see the haunted house!"
"Stop talking about haunted houses, Nagisa-kun!" snapped Rei at last, wagging his kickboard threateningly at Nagisa. His friend giggled, then dashed down what appeared to be a well-trodden path, at least before vegetation slowly reclaimed it in patches. Trees and bushes blocked their view for the rest of the way, but when they wound about, they were brought in front of the round edifice. Its many large windows loomed dark and empty, except for the trickle of rain down their panes. A large sign above the entrance read Sukishima Rest Howse in colorful lettering.
"Rest howse? What's a rest howse?" asked Nagisa excitedly. Rei rolled his eyes.
"It's a rest house."
"Let's go inside, then," said Haruka, less bothered by the rain than by the thought that he was beginning to miss the comfort of the tent and the futon within. Nagisa stepped forward immediately to try the door.
"Wait, are we really going inside?" asked Rei, following slowly after Nagisa. Haruka now stole a glance at Makoto, who seemed frozen to the spot.
"Makoto," said Haruka, his tone calm and quiet. "Are you okay?"
Makoto blinked, but he soon cocked his head to the side and flashed Haru a grateful smile.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said softly.
"Hey…" Nagisa whined at them from the entrance. "Stop talking like a worried couple, you guys." He then turned his head back towards the house. Behind him, Haruka narrowed his eyes. The urge to retaliate seized him, and unwilling to resist it, he leaned over Nagisa's shoulder. After all, Nagisa seemed to be craving thrills…
"Did you see that shadow..?" he whispered in an ominous tone an inch from Nagisa's ear, whose hands twitched up in fists as he squealed in raw, delighted terror. Rei immediately cowered behind his kickboard. Behind him, Makoto's heart skipped a beat that felt like one missed beat too many. Haruka relented.
"Sorry…" he mumbled, his face tense with worry, but Makoto smiled at him sheepishly, dismissing his apology with a wave.
"I-It's okay," he said with a small, nervous laugh, but Haruka couldn't relax. If the house really did hide anything vicious, would Makoto's heart be able to take it? What if the climb had already taken a toll on him..?
"I'll take a look inside, so wait here," he told Makoto as he turned away.
"I'll come with you!" said Makoto at once, and when Haru looked back at him and quirked his brow in reply, Makoto broke into a soft, troubled smile. "Since we are together, it'll be fine."
Haruka let out a small sigh, but didn't argue any longer, so once Nagisa pulled the doors open, Haruka and Makoto proceeded inside, the others following close behind them.
