November 10th, 1994
"I need help." Tara grabs Opie's ear, dragging him away from a group of guys and out a side door into a courtyard before releasing him.
"Ow!" He protests, looking at her in astonishment.
"What?" She asks, looking at him. He gestures to the deserted space then his ear. "Oh sorry." She says dismissively. "But this is the only time you're not glued to Jax's hip cause he actually goes to American Lit."
"And what class should you be in?" He asks, folding his arms and quirking an eyebrow.
"Study hall, but Muggs lets me leave early because I give him advice on how to grow tomatoes." She explains easily and before Opie can even ask what she's talking about, she carries on. "I wanna talk about Jax."
"What about him?" Opie sits on a worn and cracked stone bench, dedicated by the class of 1940. Tara sits next to him, anxiously picking at the nail polish on her fingers.
"You want know what tomorrow is." She says nervously and Opie sighs heavily. Of course he knows what tomorrow is. "I guess I just wanted some advice on how to, you know, handle him."
"Handle him?" Opie gives her an incredulous look and she sighs, rubbing her temples.
"Opie, I know how I get when the anniversary of my mother's death rolls around." Tara's flat voice causes Opie to flinch. He always forgets that Jax isn't the only one that's lost a parent. "But this is the first time for Jax. It's going to be rough. It's going to be hard. And I want to be there for him but I don't know how." Her voice breaks.
"Hey." Opie says softly, sliding closer to her and picking up her hand. "You're doing great so far."
"Everyone says that." Her hand is trembling slightly. "But it's not like I have a plan, I'm just winging it."
"That's the beauty of it, you don't have to think about it. That's what makes it so perfect, it's natural." He reassures her and she takes a deep breath.
"I'm just worried. Should I leave him alone? Should I distract him? Should I encourage him to talk about it or just pour shots? I need some advice. I like Jax too much to mess something this important up." She admits.
"Well," Opie says slowly. "I'm not sure if things will be different because it's you or because it's his father, but at least when he's with me and it's Tommy's anniversary, he usually just wants silence."
"Oh no." Tara's face goes pale and one hand flies up to cover her mouth. "Opie, I forgot about that. When… When is that date? Did I miss it?"
"No." Opie closes his eyes, a calendar date looming large. "It's April 4th."
"How do I handle this?" Tara wonders, shaking her head. "How do you do it?"
"You just do." Opie shrugs. "Be there for him. Don't think about it so much. You already do great."
"I just…" Tara hesitates and then looks at Opie. He's surprised by the level of vulnerability in her face. "I want to be the girl he goes to. I don't want him trying to drown his pain in some… Whore."
"Well." He can't quite hide the smile on his face at Tara using such language, but also how genuine she seems. "Then be there for him and make sure he knows you are. That's all I can offer for advice because you and I play slightly different roles in Jax's life."
"That we do." Clearly amused, Tara smiles and stands, offering him her hand. "What would Jax and I do without you?"
"Don't thank me." He holds open the door to the school for her. "I'm not the reason you to got together, that was all Donna."
"Yeah but I get the feeling you're going to be what keeps us together some days." Tara smiles at him and disappears back down the hallway, seconds before the bell rings and students spill out of classrooms.
"Good morning." Tara greets Jax with a kiss as he walks into the kitchen to pick her up for school. "Here."
"Oh, thanks." He accepts the piece of toast with brown sugar and apple slices with what appears to be an attempt at a smile.
"I can't get the apples quite as thin as you do." Tara calls, heading back into her bedroom to get her backpack. "But I thought I did an ok job!"
"You did great." Jax tells her after swallowing his first bite. She walks out, smiling at him. He's got a funny expression on his face, looking at her like he's never properly seen her.
"Yes?" She asks, tilting her head in slight confusion.
"Come with me." He utters and she blinks twice. "Skip school. Get on my bike with me. Spend the day doing god I don't know, something, anything. Things that make us feel alive." He clarifies and for a second, Tara's planner flashes before her eyes- presentations in english in second hour, a quiz in math 6th hour, all the homework she'll miss.
"Yeah, of course." She drops her backpack with a thump before she even realizes what she's doing.
"Ok." Surprised, a small but clear smile crosses Jax's face. Tara smiles back encouragingly and takes his hand, letting him lead her to his bike. She straps the helmet on and forgets that she should really be memorizing the important political moments of the last century in American politics. Today, she just wants to erase one moment from Jax's mind.
They drive on the highway, Jax's hair flattened to his skull with the wind. Tara's not sure how or why he knows the twisting backroads so well but she hangs on, wondering if the roar of the wind is the silence Opie spoke about.
Finally Jax slows down, taking a dirt road before coming up to an old barn. Tara has enough questions to talk Jax's ear off for an hour but she remains quiet, getting off the bike and following him into it.
He's standing in the fragmented light, looking around, hands in pockets. The sunlight illuminates the motes of dust swirling in air. It smells like dirt and hay and Tara thinks if she closes her eyes, she'll hear a cow moo lowly or a horse neigh. Jax looks startling out of place, in his jeans and dark teeshirt, looking around with eyes that threaten tears but won't let them fall.
"What is this place?" She asks quietly, before she can help herself.
"My grandpa's barn. Or it was." He says heavily and Tara snakes an arm around his waist. "He died when my dad was in Vietnam. My grandma didn't last much longer after that. My mom never even met them. He was a poor farmer. My dad use to say that after Vietnam, all he inherited was some land and a whole lot of hatred towards his country."
"I didn't know your grandparents were dead." Tara tries to be a pillar of support, but her curiosity to know her boyfriend wins out.
"Just them. James and Anna." He says the names without a flicker of emotion. "I still have grandpa Nate and grandma Rose, even if I don't get to see them very often."
"Oh." She rubs his arm and lets them fall silent.
"My dad, he liked this place though." Jax explains, once he's seemingly worked through some emotions. "Said he use to hide out in forts here. The cows were his big brothers and sisters. Only children, they get lonely."
"We do." Tara mummers in agreement, wandering around the barn, noticing notches where tools must've once sat, a rut where a ladder had been placed, the dust from years of feed that must've been poured in the trough.
"My dad sold it, after Tommy died and he went to prison." Jax is still talking like he's unaware he's speaking aloud, more of a stream of consciousness. "The new owners just wanted the land. They didn't care about some run down barn. They'll tear it down one day, I'm sure of it. But for right now… It makes me think of my dad, as a kid. And then I don't miss him as much, you know? I can separate this lonely kid from that broken man."
"You think your father was broken?" Tara takes Jax's hand, trying to bring him back down to earth.
"We all were." The far way look in his eyes remains. "After Tommy died, we were all broken. My dad, he never recovered. My mom, she never really did either. I don't… I don't think I did."
"Hey." Tara says softly, gently caressing his cheek. "Hey, Jax… Jackson Nathaniel. Come back. Come back to me." He blinks a couple times.
"Sometimes I…"
"I know." Tara reassures him, pulling him into a hug and running her hands through his hair. "I know. I know." Jax stays in her embrace long enough for the dust to settle down on them, coating them in gold, before she gently rouse them.
"I'm sorry." Jax apologizes, voice thick.
"No." Tara keeps smiling encouragingly, rubbing his arm. "You have nothing to be sorry for." She kisses him deeply and he responds in kind, backing her into the wooden walls until she's breathless.
"Ok, I'm ready." He mummers finally, pressing their foreheads together and she lets her mind clear before cocking her head and glancing at him.
"For what?" She asks and he takes her hand, leading her back to his bike.
"I promised you a day of living." He offers the helmet to her. "So why don't we go do it?" Beaming, she climbs on and holds him tight.
"Please?" She begs, tugging on his hand. Mouth clamped firmly shut, he shakes his head. "Pretty please?"
"Nope." He says flatly and Tara rolls her eyes.
"Jax, don't be such a baby."
"I'm not doing it Tara!"
"You're the one who said today is all about feeling alive."
"Yeah," Jax's eyes flick upwards distrustingly. "That means not dying."
"Jackson." Tara is impatient now, crossing her arms. "It's perfectly safe."
"Tell that to all the people that have gotten an arm or something ripped off!"
"Now you're being dramatic." She rolls her eyes. "You willingly go a hundred hours on a motorcycle with no helmet and don't flinch. This cannot be more dangerous than that."
"On my bike, I'm in control!" He insists.
"Control freak." Tara accuses.
"Takes one to know one." He jabs back before he can help himself and then instantly anticipates her angry reaction. Instead she laughs and uncrosses her arms, grabbing his shoulders.
"Trust me." She implores, looking into his eyes. He hesitates then groans.
"Ok, fine." Squealing, she leads him into the line for the rollercoaster.
"It's going to be fun." She promises, as a man takes their tickets. Jax doesn't say anything- his lips seem to be glued shut in a determined effort. They get strapped into the car and Tara stifles giggles when Jax repeatedly checks the buckles and straps.
"You can't judge me for an girlish shrieks." He warns her and she laughs, too relaxed for his liking.
"I don't think Jackson Teller has a girlish shriek." She says thoughtfully.
"Just wait." He says through gritted teeth and the ride shudders. "What was that?"
"Relax, it's just starting." Tara reassures him.
"It seems like it could be broken." Jax cranes his neck around in an attempt to see behind him.
"It's not broken."
"Then why does it sound like that?"
"This is what rides sound like Jax."
"Sure, broken rides!"
"Jax." Tara takes his hands, hazel eyes still sparkling with mirth. "For two seconds, let go of control. Trust me, from one control freak to another, it's actually kinda fun."
"Tell Opie he gets the porn mags stashed under my bed, tell Clay he can do what he wants with my bike, you can have all my flannels-"
"Stop writing your will." Tara orders and the ride lurches to a stop at the top, making them sit there for an agonizingly long moment. "And just have some FUNNNNNNNN." The words are pulled from her mouth as the ride races down the first major drop. Jax screams in terror while Tara is screaming in enjoyment.
"I hate this!" He bellows as they whip around a corner and Tara whoops. "I hate you!"
"No you don't!" She yells back cheerfully, throwing her hands up as they head for the first upside down loop. Jax clamps his mouth shut and decides to work on not throwing up.
"Is it over?" He finally moans when the ride stops. Tara, hair windblown and cheeks flushed, bursts into laughter.
"You mean you don't wanna go again?" She teases as the buckles release. Jax practically climbs over her in his desire to get out. "Did you have any fun at all?" Jax leans against the railing, holding up a finger.
"Let me throw up first." He requests and she rolls her eyes.
"You may be a bigger drama queen than Donna. Impressive." She states.
"Let's go get a churro. That'll settle my stomach." He declares and amused, she follows along behind him.
"Helping?" She asks, as he doubles fists two of them, alternating bites.
"Churros are so much better than rollercoasters." He insists and she smiles, taking a bite of her own. "Tara."
"Mmm?" She glances up at him. He's gazing at her thoughtfully, the adorable expression somewhat ruined by the twin churros.
"When did your mother die?" Startled, she nearly drops her own churro.
"May 15th." She says automatically. The date is burned in the back of her mind, a day that always makes her flinch.
"Oh. So we weren't…. Talking or anything?" He says slowly and she shakes her head.
"Donna didn't really start harassing me about you till the end of the school year." She tries to joke.
"I just… We still have so much to go through." He says heavily.
"Like what?" Tara scoots a little closer to him, so their shoulders are pressed together.
"The anniversary of my dad's death, the anniversary of Tommy's death, the anniversary of your mom's death, all my uncles…"
"Uncles?" Tara interrupts, looking at him curiously.
"Yeah, sorry, that's why I refer to the guys in the club as." He explains.
"How many of them have died?" Tara asks, trying to hide her alarm by taking a bite of her churro.
"6." Jax says and he sounds tired but not shocked and Tara stares at him, hoping he's joking.
"How?" She asks finally, once she gets her voice back and Jax shrugs, distractedly finishing his churros.
"Stuff."
"Stuff like?" She pushes and Jax is pointedly avoiding her eyes now.
"You know, accidents. That stuff."
"Like your dad?"
"You know what?" Jax abruptly stands, tossing his napkins aside. "Maybe I do want to ride that rollercoaster again. I think the churros made me brave."
"Don't use that as a way to distract me from talking to you about your dad Jax." Tara refuses to budge. "You can't fool me."
"How am I trying to fool you?" He asks innocently as possible. Tara leans forward, eyes searching him.
"I know that grief you're feeling. I know it like the back of my hand. I know what you're going through, I know how it is. And I am going to be here for you, whether you like it or not. And one day you are going to open up to me and we are going to get to the bottom of this." She declares then stands. "But by all means, let's go on the rollercoaster again."
"Wha-" Flabbergasted, all Jax can do is trail after her as she strolls back towards the ticket booth. They're quiet all the way through the line, until they're being buckled in.
"You can hold my hand if you need to." Tara tells him, offering him her small, pale hand and he's not sure if she's referring to the rollercoaster or her statement earlier. But either way, he takes it.
They spend the rest of the afternoon eating amusement park food- Tara introduces Jax to funnel cake then promptly has to go get another one when he begins to hoard the first one. Jax wins Tara a small black teddybear with a purple ribbon around it's neck, bowing dramatically before presenting it to her. Laughing, they stay at the park until the sun nearly sets and Tara complains that she wants a real supper, not a corn dog.
"Hey." Jax stops her as they walk out, hand in hand. "Thank you for today."
"I told you rollercoasters weren't all that scary." She reminds him, grinning.
"I know." He smiles back and kisses her deeply. "What would I do without you?"
"Probably annoy Donna by stealing her boyfriend more often." Tara teases then leads him to his bike. He hands her the helmet and she straps it on without thinking, automatically climbing on and wrapped her arms around Jax. Then he starts the bike and for the first time, a shiver of fear runs up Tara's spine as she remembers what today is and how exactly Jax Teller lost his father.
AN: Month two, we feeling it, yes, no? I've heard some people really for it (yay!) and some that are worried I might miss out on big relationship jumps. I pinky swear I will be using my months to document all the important things, but in my opinion teenage relationships at 7% important shit and 93% stupid fights about liking a person's picture. So we're gonna cut some of that shit out. If you are looking for some in between Jax and Tara moments, I highly recommend Charming Little Moments, my other story with like one Jax/Tara moment a chapter. Please leave a review, thanks for reading!
