I was really fast this time. I hope you enjoy it and review!
I don't know when I'll post next chapter but stay with me...
I really love this chapter and you'll get why... I hope you'll like it too. It just came out natural and quick.
Rollercoaster... I really mean it.
Rollercoaster
Life is a rollercoaster.
A wild, blood curdling, thrilling rollercoaster.
You have just to have the courage to keep your eyes open during the whole run.
And it will bring you everywhere: high as you have never been, down as you have never fallen.
The only question is: will you have the courage not to jump down midway?
It's morning and Meredith wakes up. She turns around to see Derek's side of the bed is empty. She stands up and walks down the stairs stroking her eyes. She enters the kitchen yawning, finding Alex drinking a coffee.
Alex: hey… morning… (she opens a leaf to look for something)
Meredith: have you seen the tablets?
Alex: last time I saw them they were upstairs, in the bathroom (he is reading a newspaper). Headache?
Meredith: yes (she sits down stroking her eyes)
Alex: you were fighting….(Meredith frowns) you and Sheperd…
Meredith: oh… that… was it so clear? (she pours a glass of milk, puts cereals in and starts to eat)
Alex: you were yelling… It was longtime since you last fought. I lost the habit.
Meredith: gain it back.
Alex: what's wrong? (Meredith exhales)
Meredith: nothing's wrong. You all can stop hovering.
Alex: you look like you need hovering. If you go back brooding on Addison…
Meredith: so I should be happy she wanted to kiss my husband in a closet?
Alex: no. But you should be happy he turned her down.
Meredith: nurses have already sang the whole melody everywhere.
Alex: they haven't
Meredith: right (she keeps eating)
Alex: to tell the truth they are singing other songs.
Meredith: really? More than Meredith being dumped again? It must be something really juicy… Share it please… (she looks up and Alex looks uncertain)
Alex: they're singing Brad's trying to get into your panties. And they're blaming you as you don't even try to stop him (she sets her bowl down violently)
Meredith: excuse me?
Alex: you asked. I told you.
Meredith: what does this mean?
Alex: why do you ask me? It's you who should explain this. What are you doing Mer? You want to make Derek jealous?
Meredith: I'm doing nothing
Alex: or are you back to sleepovers?
Meredith: how do you dare?
Alex: I'm telling you as I'm your friend. People are talking. Old stories are coming to surface. And I don't think you'd like Lexie or Derek to hear about them. Do you really think Brad is all over you to make you a neuro Godness?
Meredith: he is just teaching me
Alex: give it a cut. You're too smart to joke yourself around (he stands up and sets dirty dishes in the sink. He turns around and leans against it). You're pregnant, Mer. Hormones play strange things to pregnant women. Just try don't screw your life in the while (he goes out leaving her alone)
Derek is leaning against the catwalk staring down at the parking lot. Lexie and Mark enter the hospital and go up the stairs.
Lexie: good morning (she gives Derek a wide smile and goes ahead. Mark pats both Derek's shoulders)
Mark: do you see how happy my girlfriend is in the morning? Never need to doubt my efficiency anymore (Derek gives him a small smile and Mark's face gets serious). Troubles in paradise?
Derek: I'm fine, Mark (he turns around giving his back to his friend)
Mark: you're not. Meredith's fine? (Derek answers breathing out) Is she freaking out?
Derek: she… I don't know
Mark: talk to Dr. Sloan. Dr. Sloan can heal you.
Derek: really? Since when did you become a heart counselor?
Mark: since you need me. I can help… (Derek swallows)
Derek: thanks Mark. But I need to understand what's going on before going worrying.
Mark: you're already worried.
Derek: I know (Mark's pager beeps and he looks at it)
Mark: I gotta go
Derek: ok (Mark leaves and Derek stands there alone. He turns around to see Richard entering his office. He goes towards that direction but, on the door, he bumps into Bailey)
Bailey: what the hell, Sheperd! I'm not a doormat
Derek: sorry. I wasn't paying attention.
Bailey: I hope so. I didn't check your sight as I thought you still could see a yard from your nose. Unless it grew longer tonight… (Derek breaths out) I was kidding… are you even touchy now? (she opens the door and goes in. Derek stays on the door and Richard sees him)
Richard: come in, Derek. Do you need me?
Derek: yes… I wanted to steal you five minutes but since you're busy… (he looks meaningfully at Bailey)
Richard: never mind. Miranda will take two. Sit down… I'll be yours immediately (Miranda notices Derek's demeanor, the way he drops on the couch and takes a newspaper absentmindedly. Richard clears his throat and gets her attention back)
Lexie is drinking a coffee in front of a machine when her attention is caught by two nurses whispering between each other.
Nurse: I told you they were flirting. Clearly and openly flirting in the OR
Nurse: It's impossible
Nurse: not at all… I thought she was done by now
Nurse: doing what?
Nurse: screwing random men
Nurse: Debbie!
Nurse: I'm just saying… Remember the time she broke that patient's penis?
Nurse: how could I? It was up to Doctor Sheperd to fix it…
Nurse: poor man… I felt sorry for him.
Nurse: yeah… but he was right… he called her a whore… remember?
Nurse: but I thought she would have pulled yourself together… She's pregnant for Christ's sake! (Lexie's face turns suddenly into their direction realizing who they're talking about)
Nurse: what if the baby wasn't his? (Lexie's eyes narrow with anger and she marches towards them)
Nurse: well… that would explain why she acts so careless towards Dr. Sheperd… Making doo eyes to the new surgeon with her boyfriend next door (Lexie clears her throat in front of them. The two women look up in terror noticing her. One of them lets her pen fall. They try a smile)
Lexie: don't you have anything to do?
Nurse: we were…
Lexie: gossiping (Cristina arrives in front of the nurses station). And saying horrible things about my sister (Cristina gets closer). Don't you have your own life to care about? (the two nurses walk away and Lexie looks up finding Cristina who is eyeing her suspiciously). What?
Cristina: I ask you what. Are you trying to be murdered by angry nurses?
Lexie: I'm just trying to make them stop to say bad things about Meredith. Wouldn't you do that? (her voice raises and Cristina takes her and pushes her away)
Owen enters the attending lounge smiling brightly. Callie, Arizona and Teddy are there.
Owen: ladies…
Teddy: hey (she sets her budge on her labcoat)
Arizona: you're happy… (Hunt turns to look at her)
Owen: why wouldn't I be? It's early morning. Good night sleep. No problems yet.
Teddy: lucky you… (he looks at Teddy and gets closer, he leans on the locker next to hers)
Owen: are you ok? (she breaths out)
Callie: she's not
Arizona: her prince charming wants her to leave with him (Callie elbows her) Ouch… (Callie mouths her to shut up. Owen looks at Teddy, his face concerned)
Callie: come to take that coffee with me? (she takes Arizona's arm and drags her towards the exit)
Arizona: coffee? We have just taken one. Hey… (Teddy laughs but stops realizing Owen is looking at her searching answers)
Teddy: what?
Owen: you won't talk to me?
Teddy: there's nothing to talk about
Owen: so you're just leaving…
Teddy: I'm not… well… I don't know yet, ok? I have to think about it
Owen: Teddy…
Teddy: why do you care, then? (her pager beeps) I have a surgery… (she leaves Owen there)
Derek is still sitting in Richard's office. He's alone, a newspaper in his lap. Richard and Bailey go in.
Bailey: it's great, chief! Do you know how many things we could do with that instrument? Next year we'll raise to number one… (Richard laughs)
Richard: fly down Bailey (his eyes settle on Derek who is looking outside the window. Miranda follows his gaze and gets closer to Derek)
Bailey: booh! (Derek startles on the couch) What are you, daydreaming?
Derek: sorry… I was thinking … (her eyes fall on the newspaper, her eyes lock with Derek's for a moment and she gets his unease)
Bailay: what's wrong?
Derek: nothing, I just need to clear something with the chief
Bailey: no
Derek: excuse me?
Bailey: I won't let the two of you bickering again
Derek: I don't think you get a choice in it
Bailey: I do. As I'm done playing the peacemaker between two stubborn people who can't talk to each other.
Derek: you're doing things bigger than they are (Bailey sits down)
Bailey: talk then (Derek grins bitterly)
Richard: Miranda….
Bailey: I'm waiting…
Derek: right (he throws the newspaper on the table. It opens at the page with his face on it, the nominations for Harper Avery in highlight) What's this? (Richard gets closer and takes the paper in his hands. He swallows)
Richard: I think you know what it is
Derek: and why anyone bothered to tell me?
Richard: it happened while you were in coma, Derek
Derek: I have been out for some time now (Richard and Bailey share a quick look). That's why you wanted me back?
Richard: no
Derek: as you could bind my name to SG?
Richard: Derek… it's not… (Derek stands up and slams the paper back on the table)
Derek: do you know how much it burns I got to know of this award by Greg Brad?
Bailey: what did he tell you?
Derek: he made me feel like a piece of ass as I was taking advantage from the situation, not taking my position back. I wonder if you'd really want me to take it back without this… (his pager beeps) I need to go. Peter is already down in the MRI (he walks to the door)
Richard: Derek
Derek: no, Richard. Not now. I need to cool down before I say something I could be sorry for (an awkward silence falls in the room. Bailey clears her throat shyly and goes away)
Meredith is in front of the OR board. Cristina joins her.
Cristina: hey
Meredith: morning (she looks at her clock). This time you should be already in the OR (she then looks at the board which indicates Cristina in OR3 with Altman)
Cristina: I'm going (she takes her scrub cap out of her pocket), I had 2 preparing the patient for me
Meredith: the perks of the cardio resident
Cristina: that's life, Mer. I gave away all the crap and just keep the best. I can even find the time to get bored (Meredith giggles) What about you? (Meredith face tenses)
Meredith: I don't know. I go for rounds in half an hour
Cristina: you don't look forward to
Meredith: it's not medicine. I kind of fought with Derek yesterday. We really fought. I got all red for Addison being here and… I don't know where we are right now (she shrugs)
Cristina: why don't you page him?
Meredith: no… we'll meet… I don't feel to face him. I'm… I don't know
Cristina: are you still upside down for the marriage thing?
Meredith: I think so. And there must be really something wrong with me. An year ago I was upside down as I didn't want to get married. Now I'm freaking out as I want. I got a headache myself trying to pick one upside down. And Derek… I told him awful things last night (she can hardly control tears)
Cristina: he loves you. He won't play hard feelings to you, Mer. Just talk about it. Don't let the situation slide out of control.
Meredith: what if it has already?
Cristina: it was just a lover quarrel.
Meredith: but you think I should be worried about it, don't you? (Cristina swallows, she sees her intern approaching with the patient)
Cristina: let's meet for lunch, ok? (she joins the others pushing the stretcher and goes away)
Derek is out of the MRI. He's talking to a man sitting on it.
Fletcher: impressive… Even if this hospital is little as a dog house, I have to say it's worth
Derek: you just have to get used to dimensions. Seattle isn't New York.
Flatcher: and how can a Manhattan boy leave here? Don't you miss the chaos?
Derek: I do, sometimes.
Fletcher: you were the New Yorker for excellence. It's always hard to believe you packed your staff and left without looking back. If someone ever told me, I'd have laughed.
Derek: it was a lot of things, put all together. I miss it, sometimes. I miss the noise, the crowd, even the smells. And the fact the, finally, despite everything, when you want you are lonely. In New York city, you can be absolutely lonely. Here is different. It's more me I guess.
Fletcher: yes… I see (Mark walks down the corridor)
Mark: look who's here… chief! (a wide smile spreads on his face)
Fletcher: Sloan… it's 9.30 . I see your habits didn't change. Rough night (Derek laughs and Mark's smile fades)
Derek: don't kick him too much. He is becoming a good guy down here
Fletcher: quite about time. Hope is the last to die (he clears his throat) About hope… I don't want you to give false hope to Amy (Derek looks up at him). After you called, she ambushed me with threats of every kind. I don't want her to get her hopes up, it's already difficult this way.
Derek: I'm not here for this, Peter. I really hope I can do something for you. We have just tasted the potentiality of the trial. This could be a chance for you.
Fletcher: I know… are you dealing with this by yourself?
Derek: what do you mean?
Fletcher: I read you had someone working with you on it. If I don't remember badly… you're wife. Dr. Grey… isn't it?
Derek: yeah
Fletcher: you won't introduce her to your old chief?
Mark. I think he's scared of all the stories you could tell her about Sheperd – Sky (Derek rolls his eyes)
Derek: I'm not. And I have already paged her. She'll join us in the MRI, ok?
Fletcher: ok… (he lifts his brows to Mark)
Teddy is filling a chart at a nurses station. Suddenly someone covers her eyes with the hands. She feels a hot breath on her neck.
Andrew: good morning (she turns around to find her date in front of her, he offers her a cup of coffee)
Teddy: Andrew… I'm surprised to see you here (he kisses her)
Andrew: good surprise?
Teddy: very good…
Andrew: I just wanted to check on you. You left quickly yesterday and… I just wanted to say hi
Teddy: it was kind of you (she smiles)
Andrew: your coffee? (he still has the cup in his hand)
Teddy: sure, sorry (she takes it) I will take it with me in the OR…
Andrew: you have surgery?
Teddy: they're actually waiting for me… Patient is ready… (he kisses her again)
Andrew: go then… Will I see you for lunch?
Teddy: of course (she goes away and Richard arrives behind Andrew's back)
Richard: dr. Perkins… (he turns around)
Andrew: dr. Webber…
Richard: did the board send you here again?
Andrew: no. I was here for personal reasons… to meet a friend
Richard: oh… any of our patients?
Andrew: doctors, actually (he looks embarrassed) How are your surgeons doing? Did they process their trauma?
Richard: not entirely. Doctor Bailey had an outburst yesterday. And it's proving as difficult as you painted in the first place.
Andrew: do you want me to talk to her?
Richard: if you feel this could help her… us. Why not? (Andrew smiles and takes his agenda checking for free spots)
Andrew: I'm free at 14
Richard: good. I'll arrange you a meeting.
Andrew: see you later then
Brad is reading a chart in a conference room and Bailey sees him. She passes ahead only to stop and turn back on her heels. She enters the door knocking. Brad looks up.
Brad: dr. Bailey… Good morning!
Bailey: thank you
Brad: I saw you earlier pushing a great instrument in your OR. The robot is finally here
Bailey: yes, it arrived in the morning
Brad: only a few hospitals can say to have it. You must be gloating
Bailey: I am (he searches her eyes as her voice is cold)
Brad: you don't look so (she sits down in front of him, he gets she seems to be biting her tongue) Come on… we are co workers… you can tell me everything (he gives her a smile) Have you personal issues?
Bailey: anything I want to discuss with you
Brad: ouch… it hurts
Bailey: it doesn't. It doesn't hurt. I really wanted to touch it
Brad: what?
Bailey: your insensitivity.
Brad: excuse me?
Bailey: probably in new York you didn't build relationships.
Brad: so?
Bailey: there's a big difference between not building relationships and seeding discord
Brad: I really don't know what you're talking about
Bailey: really? (she stands up) If you go against one doctor here… you challenge everyone. Keep that in mind (she goes away and he goes back to his chart)
Derek is in the control room of the MRI. Mark is letting Fletcher in. Meredith arrives in front of the door. She knocks lightly and Derek turns to her
Meredith: you paged?
Derek: yeah… good morning (they talk shyly, the remains of their fight still lingering in the air. Meredith approaches and breaths out seeing Derek wearing his labcoat, she strokes his back)
Meredith: I had almost forgotten how good you look in it (she raises her eyes to meet his and takes her hand away. Derek catches it)
Derek: Mer…
Meredith: I'm sorry. For yesterday. I slept on it and this morning I felt so stupid… I don't know what came in my head…
Derek: it's ok
Meredith: it's not. You don't need to do the thing
Derek: what thing? (a frown appears on his forehead and Meredith waves her hands looking for words)
Meredith: me freaking out and you taking it all. You can tell me I was a moron
Derek: ok… (he pauses looking at her and never letting go of her hand) Meredith… you were a moron (she rolls her eyes). Better (he stands up smiling) you got all jealous on me (he sits on the control desk leaning towards her)
Meredith: I didn't
Derek: you did (he strokes her cheek with his thumb) That's good
Meredith: really? From when cursing and doubting you is fine?
Derek: since it shows me how much you love me. You do… love me, right? (after a second of indecision, she smiles at him and they hug) I'm sorry you got to doubt me
Meredith: hadn't we agreed you need to stop blaming yourself on everything? (he giggles)
Derek: we have (there's a buzz in the radio and a voice comes out the speaker)
Fletcher: sorry to interrupt you, Derek. But I'm in this thing from a lot of time and you didn't switch the interphone off (Derek and Meredith part, Derek leans to talk in it)
Derek: sorry… we go now
Fletcher: are you sure? (Derek looks at Meredith and she arches her eyebrows)
Derek: why wouldn't I be?
Fletcher: as I remembered you as a focused and upright guy. That sweet lady makes you walk on your knees. I would have needed her in New York to keep you in line. Oh… nice to meet you, dr. Grey
Derek: shut up, Peter. You'll get to know her later. Let's take a look at your head now (he pushes a button and the voice disappears)
Meredith: who is he?
Derek: Peter… my former chief in New York. Remember I told you?
Meredith: he is here for his glioma? (Derek nods) Today?
Derek: he got worse. He had other seizures and accepted to stop here before than expected. Are you in the case, dr. Grey? (he gives her one longing look)
Meredith: of course, dr. Sheperd. I just need to inform Brad I won't be on his service today (she is going to take her pager but he stops her)
Derek: already done (images appear on the screen and he sits) Just sit now.
Alex and Mark are filling forms in a conference room.
Alex: do we really have to fill all this crap?
Mark: yep… new procedures…
Alex: all this as an old and unstable woman decided to get herself killed?
Mark: it's not that simple… She probably urged the surgeon to make the procedure. But he made a mistake though
Alex: what will happen to him?
Mark: I don't know. In Washington they ran all the tests, he just decided he could take the risk. The fact that I recommended not to make the surgery is meaningless
Alex: why did you do it then?
Mark: I hoped she could accept it. Seeing black on white sometimes clears your brain. But it didn't. And she had nobody to make it on her place. That's a big story of loneliness.
Alex: which brings us to the following step (he raises a paper in front of his eyes): are we really going to demand a relative for each surgery we are going to make?
Mark: I'm afraid we do
Alex: what about lonely people? What about next Mrs. Walsh?
Mark: that's what social services are for. To take care of weak and voluble people.
Alex: right… but not every surgery you perform is life saving. What about people who just want new boobs? I don't think social services are up for that.
Mark: no, they aren't
Alex: they already haven't the time to follow real cases. Now this…
Mark: we just have to be patient. Melinda Cole proposed this to the chief and he took the suggestion. Let's drive through the storm. In a month we'll go back to normal.
Alex: good… I've been interconnected with shrinks enough in my life… I chose plastics as it was light.
Mark: do you really think so? Wait to meet Mrs. Swanson in three days. You'll tell me how light it is (his pager beeps and he looks at it) Hunt is paging us for a consult in the ER. We are done with the forms for now
Alex: thank God
Teddy, Cristina and her intern are in the OR.
Teddy: more suction, please
Cristina: yes sir (she is staring in the patient's cavity)
Teddy: do you see it? (they look at the heart which does not seem to work properly)
Cristina: yes… it looks like a hurt murmure. Tests didn't reveal it though
Teddy: it happens sometimes. Can you tell me why, dr. Jesse?
Steve: it depends from the size of the hole
Cristina: hole? We are not talking about golf here
Steve: I beg your pardon… murmure
Cristina: better (Teddy looks at her strictly). Dr. Altman?
Teddy: you keep being a strict and harsh teacher to your interns…
Cristina: it's what they need. And it's the only way I was taught myself.
Teddy: so as your teachers were nasty and commending you can't do differently? Am I such?
Cristina: no. You are more available than others
Teddy: and you consider that a weakness, don't you?
Cristina: no. I respect that. But it doesn't fit me. In the OR I was taught to fight, not to lose concentration and focus. It looks more appropriate bitching than cuddling. But that's my opinion of course.
Teddy: what is yours, Jesse?
Steve: well… she bitches… all the time. But she also teaches and… I can stand the bitching as long as she is a good teacher. Just…
Cristina: what?
Steve: do you hate me or is it just for the show? (Cristina diverts her eyes from the operating table and looks at him, she then looks back at the patient)
Cristina: I don't think that's the time to discuss it. We have a patient open on the table. Look at his heart and don't think about yours. And mine.
Teddy: you are avoiding…
Cristina: I'm not
Teddy: you are. I'm an avoider myself and I recognize the others. Just… your problem is so little compared with mine that I envy you. You just have to decide if hurting his feeling or keeping the mask on. I have to decide if staying stuck here or taking the plunge.
Cristina: what do you mean?
Teddy: men take the wrong moments to show up and do wonderful promises
Cristina: don't I know about that…
Teddy: are you having afterthoughts about the marriage?
Cristina: no.. yes. I wouldn't be me if I hadn't. Considering what happened during the first, I'd be a fool not to be scared (Steve giggles). What 2? Do you find funny my fiancé dumped me on the altar? (Steve gets serious immediately)
Steve: no, doctor Yang. Of course I don't.
Cristina: what are you grinning at, then?
Steve: you were human. For the first time since I know you (Cristina looks at him bewildered)… with me… I mean… not that you're not in general
Cristina: stop kissing my ass. I hate you. You won't change that anyway (Teddy giggles and they go back working)
Bailey joins Richard and dr. Perkins in a conference room.
Bailey: chief… you paged? (she realizes he is not alone and a wide smile paints her lips) You got me the technical today? (she giggles) You're the best chief (she sits down, Perkins eyes Richard suspiciously. Miranda takes a lot of notes and settles them on the table). I have been reading the instructions all morning and I have written something I need to discuss with you. Do you want to stay here or do you prefer go working on the instrument? (she looks finally up and sees Andrew's astonished face) What?
Richard: he is not the technician, Miranda
Bailey: oh… sorry (Andrew smiles at her) Who is he, then?
Andrew: you didn't tell her…
Richard: no… she wouldn't be here
Bailey: what are you talking about?
Richard: Andrew Perkins… Dr. Perkins is the trauma counselor I told you about yesterday.
Bailey: and…
Richard: he stopped by today. I asked him to talk to you.
Bailey : why?
Andrew: dr. Webber thought it could be useful for you to vocalize your anxieties, your fears
Bailey: I don't have fears
Richard: Bailey…
Bailey: I don't have. Yesterday it was a bad day. Now I feel good. My Da Vinci got here. I'm becoming the master of it. I'm fine.
Andrew: so you got distracted?
Bailey: yes I… (she gets the look in the doctor's eyes) I don't need to be distracted.
Andrew: there's no shame in admitting to need help
Bailey: don't give me that speech. I use that speech with my critical patients. And I'm not a critical patient.
Andrew: I didn't imply that.
Bailey: so what do you want from me?
Andrew: talking… not yelling at me. Can you try to do that?
Bailey: yes
Richard: I let the two of you alone (he goes out and Miranda and Andrew stay sit in silence)
Andrew: I know you're a general surgeon… the new head of general I heard
Bailey: exactly. Do you want to analyze me on that? (Andrew giggles)
Andrew: Dr. Webber told me you could be very ironic. I like you.
Bailey: thank you. But I'm not on the market
Andrew: neither am I. So… now we have pointed out we are not going to get married, can we talk seriously?
Meredith and Derek are looking at Fletcher's scans in a conference room.
Meredith: bilateral glioma. Can we cure this? (Derek breaths out)
Derek: I don't know (Derek meets her eyes and notices questions she is afraid to ask). I know I should be the one to give answers, but I haven't any by now.
Meredith: it's really different from what we studied. Much more complicated. Much more extensive. It would require a lot of virus
Derek: I know
Meredith: is it safe?
Derek: I don't know
Meredith: we haven't really digged in possible side effects of the virus. What if too much kills?
Derek: I don't know.
Meredith: Derek… what are you going to tell him? That we don't know a damned thing? He came for answers. We led the trial. We should tell him if there's a chance it works or not.
Derek: I know. We'll tell him what we know now. And we'll take time to consider every side of the problem. Ok, dr. Grey?
Meredith: sure, Dr. Sheperd (they share a smile)
Derek: let's go. He should be in his room already (he takes the scans and they walk into his room. Richard is in the room and an elegant and good looking lady is sitting close to Peter's bed. She stands up when Derek goes in)
Amy: Derek (they hug) Don't you like Seattle's cooking? (they part and the woman's arms lean on his shoulders) Look at you… you're all bones.
Derek: my wife sucks the life out of me (Meredith rolls her eyes at him)
Peter: I really don't want to understand the right meaning of it (his wife sits back in the chair). So?
Derek: the MRI revealed a bilateral glioma. The first pre existing and completely developed, the second growing up and recently formed (Amy closes her eyes waiting for a death sentence. Peter takes her hand)
Peter: honey…
Amy: is there something you can do about it? (she raises her eyes to meet Derek's) Is your trial effectual to cure this kind of disease? (Peter sends Derek a warning look)
Derek: our trial proved useful to treat gliomas… single gliomas though… We have never faced a bilateral one
Amy: but you can do it, right? Can you try?
Meredith: the problem is not try or not, Mrs. Fletcher. The problem is that we don't know the effects of a double injection in the brain.
Amy: but it could work…
Peter: if I don't die (Amy looks at him). This surgery is all or nothing, darling. If Derek succeeds, I'm fine. He fails, I'm dead (the woman starts to cry silently)
Derek: being the situation like that, I'd need some hours to evaluate everything
Peter: it's not necessary, Derek
Derek: Peter…
Peter: no. I've been chief of surgery for thirty years. I've told hundreds of people they had to die. You don't need to sweeten my pill, Shep. I knew this was above science. Don't waste your time.
Derek: it's not a waste. And what have you to lose? Richard pays my bills (Richard smiles) Actually… he is not paying me at all now. So there won't be any waste. Maybe I can't do anything. Maybe I can think of something. Give me time, ok?
Peter: ok. Just as I like it here. And I still have to talk to your wife (Derek smiles) Give her hints not to let your child become like you (Meredith giggles)
Meredith: that's would be appreciated (Derek rolls his eyes)
Derek: how do you know she's pregnant?
Peter: you walk in the air. I know you since you were a little, pee wet intern. I saw you become a neuro star. You have always had whatever you wanted. But a child (Meredith and Derek share a look and their fingers interlock) And it won't take long time since your kid will kick your ass from her mother's belly.
Derek: why do you say "she"?
Peter: as it's a girl
Meredith: how do you know?
Peter: secret… but trust me. I've never mistook newborns sex (he adjusts his pillow). Go now… Meredith will keep me company
Owen and Reed are in a visit room with a family. A newborn, his mother and father. Hunt is writing something on the chart.
Owen: so… I've paged pediatrics to have a further check but, from what I see, Steven is fine.
Woman: thank God
Owen: I have also paged our head of plastics, Dr. Sloan. He could take a look to the baby's hand and sees if it's operable or not.
Woman: but… (Owen looks up at her, he smiles to encourage her to talk) I don't think we should afford the surgery
Man: shut up, Ellen. You don't need to give them explanations (Owen's face hardens a bit). I'm not going to justify myself for not being able to make ends meet.
Woman: Ed…
Man: that's it. What about her? (Owen raises his eyes to meet his, he closes the chart to his chest)
Owen: her? You told your wife wasn't in the car with you
Man: she wasn't indeed.
Owen: so she's fine, why do you ask?
Man: she is not fine. Are you blind or what? (Owen looks at the woman who is crying silently. All he notices is her belly. The woman seems to be in the last trimester of pregnancy)
Owen: I hope I got you wrong, sir (Reed turns to look at him noticing the coldness in his voice)
Man: don't test my patience
Woman: Ed, please (she touches her husband's arm but he pushes her away)
Man: I want you to tell me if the other baby will be handicapped or not
Owen: it's impossible to know now. You have to wait after he's born (the man gets closer to Owen)
Man: you don't get it, do you doc? I don't want him to be born if he's like that! (he points to his son and Owen looks up to control his anger)
Owen: if he was absolutely healthy and, 2 years old, he severed his fingers… what would you do? Would you kill him?
Man: that's not the point!
Owen: that is the point (his voice is high and Reed looks scared)
Man: look… I don't give a crap of what you think (he gets closer and closer and leans an index on Owen's chest) Do your job… it is what you're paid for (Owen breaths out, all patience seems gone. The man takes him by the collar of his labcoat and Reed makes a step back) Do a damned scan… is that out of your league? (a bolt of anger crosses Owen's eyes but Mark arrives in front of the door with Arizona)
Mark: what's going on here? (the man lets Owen)
Man: nothing. Your colleague is refusing to run tests on my wife (Owen giggles)
Arizona: Hunt?
Owen: he wants us to tell him if the baby who's gonna come will have the same malformation than his brother. I told him we can't know (Arizona nods)
Arizona: dr. Hunt is right. There's no way we can know. But we can help him.
Man: I won't let any of you touch my son! (his voice is high and the women look scared)
Mark: hey… stay calm, please. You came for help and that's what we are trying to do.
Man: he didn't help. He just pissed me off. And I don't want him anymore (he leaves the room hitting Owen with his shoulder passing by, his wife keeps crying)
Reed: are you ok, dr. Hunt?
Owen: I am… worry about the baby, not about me (he leaves the room)
Arizona joins Callie and Mark at the cafeteria. She sits, Mark is biting a sandwich.
Arizona: how is Hunt doing?
Mark: fine. I let him under a cold shower.
Callie: cold shower? (she grins) Did Cristina turn him on and off?
Arizona: no. Our patient's father nearly hit him.
Callie: what?
Arizona: how can a man be so despicable?
Mark: as people are screwed. The more I do this job, the more I get sure about that
Arizona: ok… but seriously… aborting a baby as he could be flawed? How does that?
Mark: a lot of people, Robbins (his voice is flat and Arizona looks at him frowning)
Arizona: excuse me but… do you agree?
Mark: of course I don't. But why do you think people do amniocentesis?
Arizona: that's kind of different
Mark: is it? Aborting a baby with Down syndrome and a baby with fingers lacking is so different? I don't think so.
Arizona: accidents happen all the time
Mark: and so do diseases (a thick silence falls on the table, Callie looks at them both)
Callie: ok… you don't need to fight about this. You have good arguments, the both of you. The only thing that matters is your patient. How is he in by the way?
Mark: the despicable man had an accident with his son. Hunt visited him and he's fine.
Arizona: except for the fact he has three fingers in the left hand
Mark: so he thought to page to see if I can do anything. But the despicable man stopped him and told him he didn't want surgery. Apparently he came here only to know if the upcoming baby will be maimed as well.
Callie: you really have a hot potato in your hands
Mark: and we need to be close (Arizona looks up at him). I didn't mean to fight and snap to you. I'm sorry
Arizona: never mind. I did my part too.
Callie: these are my guys! You are going to kick his ass (they all laugh and Mark smiles even wider to see Lexie approaching)
Lexie: On Call Room, now (Callie is drinking her coffee and looks between Mark and Lexie)
Mark: excuse me?
Arizona. Sex, Mark. She wants sex
Mark: she… shut up (he looks at Lexie and notices she seems upset) What's wrong?
Lexie: everything is wrong (she paces around the table and Mark stands up)
Mark: Lexie (he stops her) you're driving me lumpy. Sit down (he takes a chair and she falls on it snorting). What's wrong?
Lexie: nurses are calling Meredith a whore… That's what's wrong! (Callie nearly chokes on her coffee and a lot of heads turn towards them)
Mark: keep your voice low, please… Explain me…
Lexie: I overheard them this morning. They were assuming she's pregnant with some random man's child. Meredith I mean… everybody knows she has always been all on Derek and no one else (Callie eyes Mark but he ignores her). They said… they said he is the first one to know she is a bitch and that she is going at it with Brad… And I can't… (Mark touches her arm)
Mark: Lexie… calm down. Meredith is a grown up woman and she can take care of herself
Lexie: what's this supposed to mean?
Mark: it means you don't have to freak out. Not here, above all.
Lexie: so the fact they say she screwed Derek up doesn't bother you?
Mark: it does but…
Lexie: but what? (Mark swallows and words fail him)
Mark: they are just resuming old and dead stories to spend their time (Lexie shakes her head not believing her ears)
Lexie: which stories? (Callie gets Mark unease and touches Lexie's hand)
Callie: what Mark is trying to tell you is that things between Derek and Meredith were not always so smooth as they are now. But who cares? Every of us has a past, theirs is a little messed up. And the gossiping of Grey and Brad is a stupid thing. You shouldn't even bother to get mad on it. Better… don't get mad on it. If you do, suspects will become doubts and someone could really get hurt.
Lexie: can you talk English to me? If it was a metaphor, it didn't come out good
Mark: drop it, Lexie. That's the translation.
Lexie: good (she stands up)
Mark: OC?
Lexie: forget it (she goes away)
Bailey: I've grown soft
Andrew: you haven't. It's just life.
Bailey: I know life. I knew life. All good and bad things. I thought I knew them all (she raises her eyes to meet Andrew's but he keeps silent. She looks away under his scrutiny). I got degrees, I went to med school, I was the best. I was chief resident and now I'm head of an important department in an important hospital. I fell in love, I got married, I got a divorce. I had a kid and I had the bad luck to see them both lay on a surgical table.
Andrew: good summary
Bailey: and now I'm dating a man. That makes me softer.
Andrew: so do you think being upset for what happened to your colleague is a direct consequence of you dating someone? (he raises an eyebrow at her)
Bailey: that's your job to say (she snaps at him). That must be the reason. It's the only thing that changed. I didn't change.
Andrew: ok… so why don't you break up with him?
Bailey: excuse me?
Andrew: if he's the reason you changed and you don't like the change, go back. Break up with him (she breaths out and looks down) I'm kidding…
Bailey: lucky me. I got the only jokey shrink
Andrew: I'm not a shrink. I'm just someone who tries, and sometimes does not succeed, to help people to go through bad experiences. We have been talking for hours now. You haven't said why this upset you so much. You are a doctor, a surgeon. A good one. But I guess a lot of patients died under your care. And you look like a woman who cares. Why did this case hit you so much? (she breaths out) If I didn't get to know you, I'd think you had a thing for him…
Bailey: what? There are already too many women ready to jump his bones. We are friends. We pretend to dislike each other…
Andrew: but you don't…
Bailey: he is a gentleman… he has a strong sense of duty and morality. He could teach us all what the word respect means. And he survived all the hard blows life sent him. He didn't deserve this.
Andrew: people don't always get what they deserve…
Bailey: I felt… I felt something bad was going to happen. He was so confident about solving problems… He trusted people… but I felt… I felt wrong that day
Andrew: and you blame yourself not to have warned him?
Bailey: I did… at first. And I also blamed the chief. But now… I know it was stupid. It's the emotional part I can't get rid of. It's seeing someone you like suffering so much without being able to do anything. It's looking at him in the eyes and saying it's going to be ok when you know it probably won't be. Ever again. When I touch him… when we brush… I just feel him cold as he were, lying in his blood… How can I let it go?
Andrew: how did you let go your husband and son's surgeries?
Bailey: it just went away by itself.
Andrew: this will go too (she wipes a tear away). Good memories will overflow bad ones. And one day you won't feel the coldness anymore.
Bailey: so I don't have to get rid of Ben…
Andrew: no… not because of me at least
Bailey: damn it… I hoped I could use your name as an alibi.
Andrew: don't… I use to come here every time and then (she stands up). I don't need an angry ex boyfriend after my blood.
Bailey: well… thanks… this was… you are a relaxing person
Andrew: that's my job…
Bailey: how can you deal with traumatized people every day?
Andrew: how can you deal with sick people every day?
Bailey: as I believe I can fix most of them
Andrew: me too. Our jobs are not that different after all.
Bailey: they are (Andrew arches his brows). I don't talk that much… Never see you again (she goes out)
Meredith and Cristina walk through the tables in the cafeteria till they see Alex and go there. They both set their tray down and start to eat.
Cristina: ah… I love sitting and eating after surgery (she stretches her arms above her head). We fixed the pericardium. Despite all complications, my nanny dearest is going to be fine (she sets a chip in her mouth, Alex grins).
Alex: your intern was all adamant in saying Altman blamed you for your teaching…
Cristina: 2 can say what he wants. He won't buy my sympathy crying on his ass (she looks in the cafeteria, she notices some people looking at them and diverting their look when she looks at them but she ignores it)
Alex: how is Hunt by the way?
Cristina: how would I know? He was fine this morning. I met him in a hallway and he told me he had a case. Why do you ask?
Alex: as his case turned out to be a ticking bomb (Cristina's mouth opens in shock) Not in the proper sense…
Cristina: what sense do you give it?
Alex: the patient is a six months old involved in a car accident. Nothing bad. But he has a malformation to the left hand and Hunt paged us for a consult. The problem is that the father is a piece of ass who nearly punched him.
Meredith: why?
Alex: as the wife is pregnant again and he doesn't want another kid if he has problems. Sloan had to get that man off Hunt (Cristina is going to stand up) He should be in a meeting with the chief now. Eat your crap (she sits down)
Meredith: Derek has a tough case…
Cristina: he does cases now?
Meredith: his old New York chief has a bilateral glioma.
Alex: God bless him
Meredith: I left him breaking his brain on how to get it out.
Cristina: I don't think he should beat himself on impossible cases
Meredith: I think he wants to use the method… the trial… and I'm working with him today. It feels good.
Cristina: so you made up…
Meredith: we did. And now you can tell me what you meant this morning
Cristina: when?
Meredith: when you implied I should propose to Derek before he runs for the hills (Cristina sets her fork on the plate and chews looking at Meredith. She then takes a look at Alex too) Why are you looking at each other?
Alex: we aren't
Meredith: you are. And you were even telling me this morning about hospital gossips… So let me laugh, tell me what they were about (she bites her sandwich. Her face drops when Alex keeps silent) That bad?
Alex: it's useless crap, Mer. Just keep in mind what I told you
Meredith: not to get screwed by… (she lowers her voice) you know who? I really hoped you didn't need any reassurance about that
Cristina: it's just on you (Meredith shakes her head and puts her sandwich down)
Meredith: I just can't believe it… This… this reminds me of when Derek called me a whore
Lexie: he did what? (Meredith turns around to see her sister behind her. Lexie shakes her head and goes away. Meredith looks at Cristina and Alex)
Meredith: what's wrong with her?
Cristina: I guess hospital gossip affected her a lot
Meredith: so everyone is talking behind my back?
Cristina: just the ones who saw McSneaky trying to get into your pants. Lexie heard things…
Meredith: what things?
Alex: which happened long ago. But she didn't know.
Meredith: so now she thinks I'm going to sleep around soon?
Cristina: she doesn't. But as I said Mer… it's up to you to destroy gossips at their beginning (Meredith's pager beeps and she looks at it)
Meredith: it's the trial's patient. I need to go.
Richard enters the conference room Derek is sitting at. He leans at the desk looking at his notes. Derek raises his eyes to acknowledge his presence.
Derek: how is he?
Richard: three minutes ago he was telling Meredith embarrassing stories about your internship
Derek: good… if this can keep his moral high, I can live with Meredith teasing me (he goes back writing and then he stops stroking his eyes)
Richard: how is it going here?
Derek: I don't know… (Richard folds his arms on his chest) I don't know if I'm fooling myself but… I think the second glioma, the new one, could be not malignant. This could give us a chance.
Richard: how?
Derek: we could treat the tumor with the trial method… If he survives the surgery… he could treat the benignant mass with antibiotics back home
Richard: it does sound as a good plan (Derek breaths out)
Derek: it would be… But to make sure the glioma is not malignant, I need to make a biopsy. Today… tomorrow at last
Richard: and you don't feel to…
Derek: it's not that… A biopsy in a brain with two separated masses… it's like trying to stuck a bicycle in a Smart.
Richard: but you can do it. And you would recommend it. Let him decide.
Derek: you assume too much, Richard. It's not that simple. I haven't been in surgery for months. Brad gave me painkillers to cure an hematoma who could cause tremors. I'm sorry if I don't look so enthusiastic.
Richard: you don't get to be enthusiastic about opening a friend's head. But you could get enthusiastic about the fact he could have a chance, a real chance to survive. That's why he is here.
Derek: I wouldn't feel relieved if I blew his brain with a needle during a simple biopsy (Richard breaths out and Derek plays with his pen)
Richard: do you know what Fletcher told me about you, the second month of your internship?
Derek: no
Richard: he told me you would have achieved greatness.
Derek: please…
Richard: he told me he expected you to become a top-notch. And do you know why? (Derek strokes his eyes) As you saw things. You foresaw things in the OR before they happened. And that gave you… gives you a skill that you don't learn in Ors… despite the hours… the days you spent in them… you don't learn instinct. You have it or not. And you do.
Derek: right…
Richard: I didn't want you back as you may win… you may have won Harper Avery. I wanted you back for the same reason I wanted you back last year. You are one of the best. The best, maybe. You do mistakes… everyone does. But not everyone can put the surgeries you did under his belt. You always go forward, you risk. And not as you like it.
Derek: so now you're pushing me to go ahead? With Peter?
Richard: I'm just telling you not to stop as it's Peter. Think straight. Is the chance to try worth to take? (Derek arranges his papers, he takes them and goes)
Arizona, Mark and Owen are back with Steven's parents.
Arizona: the CT didn't show anything. Steven is perfectly fine as dr. Hunt diagnosed in his first visit.
Woman: good… (she kisses her son's forehead)
Mark: I also took the initiative to run some test in his hand. The two fingers are not lacking completely. The bone just didn't grow as it should have. But we could fix it.
Woman: how?
Mark: baby's bone are not like ours… They are flexible, they can be lengthened till the kid is 1 year old… Then they start calcifying and growing in a different way. But for now… we could try to make his fingers normal with surgery
Woman: ok but… who would pay for it? Our insurance?
Mark: we should work on it… Insurances are not oriented to what they consider extreme surgery. But this is everything but extreme. Our legal office would arrange things for you.
Woman: is it risky?
Mark: it's surgery. There would be anesthesia and there could be complications in the while but… I have a high rate of success with bone reconstruction. I'm optimist. And both Dr. Robbins and Hunt would be assisting all the time to give help in case of need.
Man: no (all faces address to him)
Woman: Ed?
Man: I say no.
Arizona: do you get that it's for your son's well being? We could give him his fingers back. And a normal life. The chance to write, to play the sport he wishes.
Man: I don't care. I won't let that so called doctor come close to my son again (he points to Owen, Mark's and Arizona's faces drop)
Owen: so you're jeopardizing your son's life as you don't like me?
Man: I'm saying no to a mercenary who came back from war to play the hero. Are you even suitable to be a doctor in the real world? (Mark and Arizona looks down to their feet. Owen's face is a mask of disbelief)
Owen: what if I didn't take part in it?
Man: I would sign the forms even now (Owen turns around and takes the baby's chart. He takes a form out and gives it to the man)
Owen: do it (he leaves the room)
Teddy is leaving the hospital. She hears footsteps behind her and looks back to find Andrew.
Teddy: hey… did you wait for me?
Andrew: yes. I got busy in some stuff and I spent here the whole day
Teddy: oh…
Andrew: your surgery?
Teddy: it went good. Patient is in the ICU eating ice cream.
Andrew: you spoil them
Teddy: chocolate ice cream
Andrew: stop…
Teddy: what?
Andrew: if you go on I'll feel envious of a man who endured heart surgery today. And not for one thing… (he snakes an arm around her waist and pulls her closer. She smiles closing her arm around his neck)
Teddy: that's to say?
Andrew: first I'd be jealous as he's actually eating my favorite flavor (he kisses her). Secondly you touched his heart today (he deepens the kiss)
Teddy: you find it good?
Andrew: yes… seekers keepers
Teddy: what?
Andrew: who finds keeps… don't you know?
Teddy: well… I heard about it in Africa but… how does it fit with me?
Andrew: it's so simple… you found his heart… It's yours now.
Teddy: oh (they share a longing look)
Andrew: you're dropping all my romantic lines… you know that?
Teddy: I'm sorry… I didn't mean to be so prosaic. What can I do?
Andrew: moving with me to Germany would be perfect (he kisses her) but I know I need to let you time to figure it out.
Teddy: so?
Andrew: dinner… dinner would be fine
Teddy: let's go eat then (they interlock their hands and walk towards the exit. Just after the exit they meet Bailey who is talking at the phone. She looks at Andrew bewildered but the couple walks away)
Fasten your sit belt tightly. Smile to the person close to you. It helps when the run begins.
Derek and Richard walk into Peter's room. He is there with his wife, Meredith and Brad. Meredith is giggling wildly and Derek stops right after the door
Peter: there he is… I have to say you hit the jackpot with this girl
Derek: I know. That's why I would be grateful if you didn't scare her with stupid anecdotes about my youth
Meredith: you were not so young (she giggles again)
Derek: seriously… what did you tell her? (he meets Peter's eyes and the man grins at him) Come on… did you tell her about Randy Tay?
Peter: it's a funny story
Derek: it's an humiliating story
Richard: I don't remember it
Derek: Richard… please (he strokes his forehead while Meredith keeps laughing)
Peter: it was a little blow we gave to his big… over sized ego. He was gloating on his nickname and we decided to give him a lesson. I sent him into a patient's room, Randy Tay's room. And he was all smiling and dreamy like you say here. You had to see his face when he realized, feeling hairs on the wrist, that Randy wasn't a shy and polite woman but a trans... a man. He ran out from the room top speed (they all laugh and Derek rolls his eyes and the laughs cease)… Ok… After this light moment… pronounce it (Derek swallows). Come on Derek… I have already heard it a lot of times. Hearing from you I'm gonna die won't make it worse (Richard's stare is on Derek)
Derek: I don't want to give any of you illusions… but before pronouncing… I'd like to make a biopsy
Peter: why?
Derek: as the left glioma could be benign
Brad: how can you say it? (Derek gives him a cold stare before looking back at Peter)
Derek: as the first one is malignant
Brad: so the chances of a patient getting two malignant gliomas are too low? It sounds pretty lame to me.
Richard: dr. Brad…
Derek: no Richard, it's fine. I'm here to explain everything and fade doubts. What are the effects of a glioma in a brain? (Brad giggles)
Brad: are you really going to play the doctor with me?
Derek: no, you're not the subject I want to play to. But as long as you can ask me out of professional curiosity what I felt when a man stuck a knife in my spine… I guess I can ask you about a glioma. Can't I? (Richard breaths out, all the present share worried look and focus on Brad)
Brad: fine… a glioma eats the vessels and the blood supplies.
Derek: right. The second glioma appeared no longer than 10 days ago. Was it malignant, it's my opinion you would be dead already. The first one is really extended… But I need a confirm
Peter: what for?
Derek: if we have to deal with just a tumor, we could try with the trial method. The second could be defeated with antibiotics.
Amy: are you saying the glioma would become operable?
Derek: we could try
Brad: why not just operate with the method?
Derek: blindly? If both tumors were malignant, he'd die.
Brad: why?
Derek: the virus aggresses abnormal tissues. But the injection it's located. We would aggress one and not the other. And the untouched one would grow exponentially in hours. It will have free space to grow with the other shrinking. You'd be dead in hours.
Peter: so?
Derek: I'd try the biopsy
Brad: with two masses? Can you even make the withdrawal in that mess?
Derek: I think so
Brad: Peter… I don't think…
Peter: shut up, Brad. Which is the rate?
Derek: I don't do numbers
Peter: you do them when they're good. Come on, Derek. You want to convince me to let you open my head twice, the first one with me awake. Just give me a rate…
Derek: I give you 10… 15 maybe (Amy starts to cry)
Richard: it's better than nothing, Pete
Peter: less than living some month with my wife.
Derek: and never get to know your niece.
Peter: how much time do I have to decide? (Derek swallows)
Derek: half an hour
Brad: what? That's insane… Why this rush? (Derek ignores Brad and talks to Peter)
Derek: your tests show that the risk of seizures is very high. If you seized now… I don't know if we could take you back.
Peter: so the biopsy would be tonight…
Derek: yes.
Peter: I don't think I'm ready to…
Amy: Peter… (her eyes are glistering with tears)
Derek: could you please give us two minutes? (Meredith goes out and Amy too)
Brad: Chief…
Richard: let's wait out (Brad silences and they go out)
Peter: I asked you not to give her hopes.
Derek: you asked me not to give her false hopes. I didn't. I told you my opinion. I didn't say you're going surely to be fine.
Peter: no. Your draw wasn't that exiting…
Derek: it's my best
Peter: and I appreciate it. But Derek… I could even die during the biopsy. If you touch a vessel…
Derek: I'd kill you. Don't you think I'm aware of that?
Peter: it's not your skills I doubt
Derek: that's a start, a really good one. But I do. As after two months I'd have chosen a different procedure to warm my hands. Do you think Brad could do it? (Peter laughs)
Peter: please… I wouldn't let Brad cure my flu. Remind me to thank Webber as, thanks to him, New York lost an ass.
Derek: that bad?
Peter: I trust you, Derek. Really. I realized your potentialities as soon as I laid my eyes on you. But this…
Derek: this is entrusting me with your life. And It's much, I know (he stops on the door). But Chief saving is one of my specialties. Richard made it through.
Peter: that doesn't count
Derek: why not?
Peter: you were younger.
Derek: but I already was with Meredith (they share a smile) Let me know. I will respect you anyway (he leaves and Peter leans on the pillow)
The rollercoaster starts going high and you wonder why you decided to ride it.
Richard approaches Derek at a nurses station.
Richard: he said yes, Derek (Richard reads indecision in Sheperd's eyes)
Derek: ok
Richard: OR1, an hour. I have already informed Meredith (he goes away patting his shoulder)
That moment… the choice looks really lame
And it gets worse when the train looses the brakes and you speed down… without control
Some call it adrenaline…
Cristina sees Owen out of the resident lounge and she gets closer.
Cristina: hey… where you waiting for me?
Owen: yes. I haven't seen you the whole day…
Cristina: I was in surgery this morning.
Owen: I know.
Cristina: how did you case go?
Owen: medically speaking good. Sloan will make the surgery tomorrow.
Cristina: the father gave his approval…
Owen: at the condition I won't be in the OR
Cristina: what? How can he even ask that?
Owen: apparently he hates me. But the baby will get the surgery and that's what counts the most (he gives her a small, sad smile)
Cristina: doyouwantahug?
Owen: excuse me?
Cristina: do you want me to hug you? (his smile widens and they hug)
It rushes in your veins and you feel free.
But then excitement becomes fear.
Lexie enters the locker room and finds Meredith sitting on a bench adjusting her hair. She swallows and goes to her cubby.
Meredith: hey
Lexie: hey
Meredith: I'm gonna be late tonight. Derek and I have a biopsy to make
Lexie: ok… (she doesn't turn to look at her and Meredith eyes her frowning)
Meredith: are you mad at me?
Lexie: no
Meredith: but you won't look at me… (Lexie leans her forehead on the cubby) What did they tell you?
Lexie: nothing
Meredith: if it's nothing talk (Lexie turns around and Meredith realizes she's crying)
Lexie: I… I thought I knew you. I thought (she wipes away her tears) we were close.
Meredith: we are close, Lexie. What's this about? (Lexie sniffles) They told you about my sleepovers… (Lexie nods). Things are not like they look like…
Lexie: oh no? And how are these things? When you call someone a… (Meredith makes a step back)
Meredith: a whore… that's what you're saying? (Lexie turns around again) I'm sorry I'm not good enough to be a worthy sister (she storms out of the room crying herself. She exits the door and Derek is there. A frown appears on his face when he notices the tears. She is almost running but he stops her way)
Derek: Mer…
Meredith: move Derek.
Derek: what's going on?
Meredith: apparently a whore stays a whore (their eyes lock and Derek notices Mer's sadness) It doesn't matter… anything matters. We can live together… we can have a kid… I can perform surgeries and head clinical trials but still… they are going to call me a whore forever (Lexie appears on the door and Derek sees her)
As the run leads you as low as you've never been.
Derek: come with me (he pulls Meredith in the locker room again), the both of you (Lexie turns around breathing out). What happened? (Lexie folds her arms on her chest)
Meredith: she heard old stories about me. She heard you called me a whore…
Derek: Lexie?
Lexie: I'm sorry, ok? I overheard nurses this morning and they were saying a lot of things, things anyone ever told me about. I think it's normal being upset
Derek: it is. But not to your sister
Meredith: Derek…
Derek: they're right. I called her a whore (Lexie's jaw tightens) as after I dumped her, I couldn't brace the idea she was starting to build a new life. Without me. I was jealous. And I said things. Awful things. It's me you should be mad at.
Lexie: I'm not mad at any of you
Derek: what then?
Lexie: it's just… why don't I know anything of this? (Meredith giggles)
Meredith: really? You expected me to tell you: hey Lexie, you know what? After Derek broke my heart I spent my night drinking straight tequila and bringing random men in my bed. I even broke a penis once. But that was before I slept with George and then become an adulterous bitch fucking Derek in a supply closet. Really? Do you think that was the presentation I wanted to give to my freaking perfect little sister? (Meredith sits on the bench while Derek looks worriedly at them both)
It turns… it spins… it squeeze your gut until you feel like you're in hell.
And you wish you could die. Or simply raise a hand and say: let me get the hell down of here
Lexie: I slept with the postman… when I was in college (both Meredith and Derek look at her, Meredith's is stunned)
Meredith: what?
Lexie: I was home from college… I had pretended to have the flu as I had a crush for the postman. I told dad to go to the pharmacy to buy my treatments at the hour he was expected to come. And I made him. In the backyard (she closes her eyes). Well… technically he made me… and…
Meredith: enough (Lexie looks up to see Meredith's face disappointed) I prefer to consider you shiny and perfect Lexie rather than horny screwing Lexie.
Lexie: I'm sorry… I wasn't judging you… I just thought…
Meredith: don't think, Lexie. It's better (Derek's pager beeps and they leave)
But if you just close your eyes for the moment and survive the shaking… you can start to go up.
Derek enters the OR, his hands in front of him… He approaches Peter who is sitting, his head stretched to the chair.
Derek: beautiful day to save lives…
Peter: you still say that?
Meredith: he always does. But nobody knows why.
Peter: well… if I survive I promise I'll tell you, ok?
Meredith: I count on that
Better close your eyes or keep it wide open?
It depends on you.
Is it better to focus on happy remembers which live in our heads or try to find out if the sky is really so blue after all?
Derek is looking at a monitor to start to follow the path through Peter's brain. He feels a pressure on his side and looks at Meredith quickly.
Derek: what?
Meredith: nothing… I… (her face is doubtful)
Derek: what? You elbowed me
Meredith: I didn't
Derek: Dr. Grey… seriously. I'm going to stick my hands in his head (he turns to look at the patient again and he feels a new pressure) What… (he turns around but sees Meredith's hands high in front of her, her face a mix of surprise and worry. The only part of her touching him her belly) Oh my God…
Meredith: oh my… (Derek feels another pressure and he starts laughing)
Derek: Meredith…
Meredith: what the hell are you laughing at?
Derek: it's the baby! She's kicking! (all the nurses share smiles and seem to participate to their excitement)
The sky can be so bright if you can survive the rollercoaster.
Peter: well… it looks like Little Sheperd's already bossying you around, Derek… (Derek closes his eyes and breaths in deeply, a tear runs down his face. He opens his eyes and breaths out violently)
Derek: needle, please (the nurse handles him the needle)
Peter: hey… have you stopped crying at least?
Derek: relax, Peter. I'm going to take you with me to the very high (he follows the images on the screen to enter the brain. He has to correct the angle of penetration sometimes). How are you doing?
Peter: alive
Derek: that's what you have to do
Peter: I… mm (Meredith looks at the screen and sees Derek is really close to the cerebral artery)
Meredith: Derek…
Derek: I know (monitors beep to signal a heart rate quicker than usual). Hold on, Peter. I'm almost there (he changes direction once more) Here I am… (he pulls the plunger and quickly extracts the needle. From the gallery Richard, Bailey and Brad are following the procedure)
Brad: that son of a bitch did it…
Richard: did you have doubts? (he smiles at Miranda)
Miranda: Mc Dreamy is back
Derek: I'm done, Peter (monitors stop beeping and Derek turns around the chair to meet his friend's eyes). Are you ok?
Peter: yes… Just stop looking inside my head and stealing my ideas. Close me up (Derek smiles at him under the mask)
Derek: yes sir (he gains the position behind the patient and Meredith gets closer)
Meredith: Mc Peanut is expressing all her happiness to you (she leans on him so that he can feel the little kicks the baby is giving her)
Derek: thanks… to the both of you (he kisses her on the lips through their masks)
As… after all the upside down… it brings you higher than you would have never thought possible.
Peter: Sheperd… focus please
And even wished.
