Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine- it's Stephanie Meyer's. :) Thank you, Stephanie Meyer, for being so darn amazing:)
Thank you so much to my beta, Rebecca Masen, for looking over this chapter for me:) She really does a wonderful job beta-ing all my chapters for me. So let's have a round of applause for my marvelous beta:D
Thanks so much also to everybody who reviewed chapter 28. I really liked some of the ideas people had for the title of the sequel to this story. I've gotten some really great ideas from you guys! You rock! :D
Enjoy chapter 29!
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I've never been one to shirk away from uncomfortable situations. Living with the wolves had taught me that just because something may be awkward, or upsetting, doesn't mean that you should let your fear or dislike of it keep you from living your life to the fullest. Take, for example, the time I accidentally forgot to turn away when Seth was phasing back into human form after rounds. Now that was something I never wanted to see again…but I wasn't going to let myself think about that moment every time I looked at Seth. If I did…well- our friendship would be weak, breakable; and that was something that we wolves could not allow. The bonds and ties between us had to be stronger than steel. Otherwise, we would never be able to pull off the perfect group coordination that it took to take down a vampire.
So, yeah- I'd dealt with my fair share of awkward unpleasantness, and I normally would greet those types of situations head-on, with a smile on my face, as they often led to great stories and hours of laughter later on. But I'll be the first to admit that I hesitated for a moment before opening the front door to my house. Out of all the awkward and unpleasant situations I'd been faced with in my lifetime, this one had to be the worst.
I hated my mother. There was no doubt about that. Even thinking about her made my fingers start to tremble. But…I could tell that my father still loved her. She was his imprint, after all, and she did seem to have come to terms with that fact that she was never going to find someone better than my father. However, that didn't mean I had forgiven her. In fact, her return only seemed to have further pissed me off. I didn't want her anywhere near me, or Riff, or my dad. We'd learned to live without her in the past year, and things were just starting to get into a normal pattern. Now, my mother has to show her ugly face in La Push again and ruin everything I'd worked for since she'd left.
I wasn't looking forward to this confrontation at all. Without a doubt, it would involve a teary-eyed apology from my drug addict of a mother (I'm glad she'd found a good replacement for her family after she'd abandoned us), and more than my share of dirty looks from my father when I refused to embrace my wayward-straying mother with open, grudge-free arms. They'd probably end up calling Riff, too, and then- just to make my life even more miserable- he'd probably forgive Mom, too, and demand to be sent back home on the next flight out of the cornfield we'd stranded him in. Actually, it was probably a sunflower field- Kansas is the sunflower state, after all.
So then Riff would be home, and he'd be all lovey-dovey with mom, and dad would be all lovey-dovey with him for forgiving her, and Mom would be all lovey-dovey with all of us for not kicking her out when we found out about her various new problems- for all we knew, she could be knocked up and on drugs- and they would all expect me to be all lovey-dovey back with them. But that was never, I repeat, never going to happen. I was smarter than that. Eventually, Mom would get bored by us again, and she'd be gone, and I'd have to deal with the heartbreak of losing my mother all over again.
Frankly, I just couldn't handle that. Not twice.
Eventually, I knew I had to open the door and face the tense silence I was sure would be waiting for me as soon as I made my presence known. Not only did my parents want to talk to me, but my dad was probably wondering where in the world I'd disappeared to. He wasn't worried about me, or anything, oh no. My father was a teenage werewolf, too, at one time in his life; he knew what it was like, and how difficult it was for something to hurt us. He wasn't worried about me getting kidnapped, or killed, or anything like that, but I had told him I was coming home over three hours ago. Most likely, he'd begun to think I'd decided to ignore him- which would really make him mad.
With a sigh, I turned the knob, letting myself into the house. "Hey, Dad," I greeted him flatly, seeing the way his arm was wrapped possessively over my mother's shoulder as they sat together on the couch, watching TV. I recognized the blue-eyed actress with the platinum blonde hair that could not have been natural, but must have been, because people just didn't die their hair that color in the 50's. Doris Day was currently lecturing a black haired Casanova who she had been forced to share a phone line with.
Seeing the familiar scene on my TV stung, as it reminded me of the old days, back when my mother could be counted on not to run out of the house and drive off at any given moment. It was her favorite movie- it had been mine, too, actually. The video had been progressively collecting dust in the past year, however; watching Pillow Talk just made me sad anymore.
"Freya!" my mother beamed at me, coming to wrap her arms around me in a warm hug. I froze, not even breathing, as I waited for her to realize that all was not forgiven. Finally, she pulled away, looking more than a little hurt. "It's good to see you again," she mumbled, looking down at her feet in shame.
"Hmm." I crossed my arms over my chest. "It's been a while since you've bothered to show your face around here. What are you doing here? Do you need money? Dad tells me you developed a bit of a drug habit. Is your funding getting low, or something?" My voice was cold, acidic, and probably a little more stinging than necessary. Scratch that- definitely more stinging. It looked like she was about to cry. I almost felt bad for my harsh words- almost. Then I remembered all the times I'd cried over her, and I felt a little better.
"It was one time, Freya," she whispered. "Just once, and I never touched the stuff again. I…I told you father because I wanted us to be honest with each other. I want us all to be honest with each other- just like we used to be."
"Things aren't like they used to be," I reminded her. "Not even close." With that, I stormed my way up the stairs and to my room, making sure to lock the door securely behind me; I wanted nothing more at that moment than to be alone. I found my iPod (it was hiding in a desk drawer, under my old school-box full of crayons and a handful of candy canes- advertized as "Candy Grams!" by my school's student council- I'd received from Jake, Seth, and the others last December).
"Freya, stop being so dramatic and come talk to your mother," my dad pleaded from outside my door. "Just for a minute."
Dramatic? He made it sound like I was just another whiny teenage girl, complaining about how awful her life is because she was stuck shopping at thrift stores instead of the mall. I was not being dramatic. I had a right to be upset, and he had no right to judge me for being upset. "Dad, I kind of need to be alone for a bit, 'kay?" I snapped. I shoved the headphones in my ears, found my angry music- the angriest thing I had was "American Idiot" by Green Day, so I had to set my iPod on repeat- and turned the volume up as high as it would go.
I don't know how long it took me to fall asleep. Whether I'd listened to the song four times, or five, or fifteen, or fifty was beyond me, but when I opened my eyes, my alarm was going off. The classical radio station I always had my alarm set on- this woke me up more kindly than the annoying beeping, or the heavy metal station- was playing Claire de Lune. The first thing that came to my mind was the time I'd taken Bella to the movies. We'd talked about music for a while, and she mentioned that Claire de Lune was one of her favorite songs. When I'd asked her why, she'd blushed, and admitted that she liked it so much because it was Edward's favorite, too. I slammed my hand down on the snooze button, and got up out of bed.
I searched once again for my illusive iPod- somehow it had ended up underneath my bed, the headphones missing- and switched it off before opening the window and dropping down the fifteen, twenty feet from my second story window into the side yard, landing gracefully on my paws, having phased in mid-air. I was starting to get really good at that; Sam said to me once that I was a "natural". He even compared me to Jake, once, which was an honor, believe me. The first month of Jake's werewolf-hood, he was able to phase in mid air without missing a beat. It had taken me nearly two months to master the feat, but that was still a month or so shorter than it had taken the others.
Hey, Frey, Jake greeted me warmly. Are you ready for patrol?
As ready as I'll ever be, I chuckled in return. How have you been? I've missed you today.
Oh, God, Clip, Paul groaned. Please, just…don't. Ok? If I'm stuck on patrol with the two of you, then just keep your mouth shut and don't say anything. Or sing anything. I'm serious.
Wow, somebody's in a happy mood, I muttered darkly. What are you doing here anyway?
Sam made me, he sighed. Said to make sure the two of you were actually paying attention to your patrol, and not to each other. So…make my job easy ok? That way I won't have to do it again. And please, keep the lovey-dovey crap to a minimum.
Aww, he doesn't mean it, Jake teased him. He's just jealous.
I love you baby, I thought in the most pathetically love-sick voice I could manage.
I love you too, he thought with a grin. Paul groaned.
So your mom's still there, huh? Jake commented, catching on to the tone of my thoughts as they drifted back to my mother.
Yeah, I sighed. She seems to think that everything is going to be just like it used to be, like it was before all this crap happened. Which is totally stupid. I mean, what does she think is going to happen? If she acts like things are different, then poof! No more freaky werewolf daughter!
She isn't giving you a hard time, is she? Jake wondered, sounding worried. If you're not comfortable staying at home with her around…I'm sure it's fine if you come stay with me and Billy for a while. He just raves about you, how wonderful you are. He chuckled to himself, remembering his father's reaction when he'd been informed of mine and Jake's new relationship. There are times I honestly think I might have competition.
There is no competition, I assured him. To my delight, Paul made a choking sound in the back of his throat.
This was going to be a fun night.
When I finally got off of patrol, Jake and I had successfully gotten Paul to literally throw up at least twice. I thought it had been a pretty productive evening, and was thinking to myself how lucky I was to have a guy like Jake, who could distract me from even the most horrible things that could happen in my life, if only for a little while. I trotted up to Emily's front door with Jake at my side, his hands tangled up in my fur. He knocked on the door for us, and waited patiently with me while she made her way from the kitchen to let us in.
"There are clothes for you behind the tree, out back," she smiled at me. "I know how you like your privacy."
I nodded gratefully to her, and trotted over to the tree to phase and change. When I made my way back up to the house, I found Jake waiting for me in all his shirtless glory on the front porch swing.
"Good evening," he smiled at me, patting the seat beside him with a wink. Grinning, I sat next to him, sighing contentedly as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him.
"Hey," I smiled up at him.
They say that vampires have an unnatural beauty about them- a hunting mechanism, to draw their human prey in like the moths that were bumping around in the front porch lights above our heads (I could tell they were there, because every once in a while one would get a little too close, and drop to the ground at our feet). I guess that was true. I never got used to the serene grace and beauty with which the vampires conducted themselves. However, as I looked at Jake…I couldn't help but think that he was something completely different, a different type of beauty- a more human, natural kind of beauty, which appealed to me more than the Cullen's brand of unnatural good-looks.
I remembered how he'd looked when he was younger, with his round childish face and tiny, toothy grin, and the long, shiny black hair that even then reached just past his shoulders. He'd lost all pretense of childhood now. He'd grown up in the past year, and he'd grown up well. With his strong jaw, and dark eyes, his russet-brown colored skin and short dark hair…oh, and don't forget those remarkable, rock-hard abs. God. Just glancing at this kid could take any girl's breath away.
I had to admit, my boyfriend was hot.
"What are you looking at?" Jake chuckled, tilting my head upward to look into his eyes instead of at his six-pack.
I blushed, embarrassed that I'd been caught drifting off into my own little world the way I had. "Nothing," I muttered.
"You were checking me out, weren't you?" he teased me.
"Jake…"
"Come on," he grinned. "Admit it. You were totally checking me out just then."
"So what if I was?" I asked, my eyebrows raised high with the challenge.
"It's ok," he whispered in my ear. "I don't blame you."
"Jake!" I exclaimed with a laugh, smacking his chest as hard as I could. He just laughed with me, scooping me up in his arms and putting me back down on his lap.
"I like it when you're angry," he teased me some more. "It's totally hot."
"Shut up," I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down toward me for a kiss, partially to get him to stop talking, and partially because he looked really cute when his hair was all messed up, the way it always seemed to be after patrol.
When he pulled away, we both started laughing hysterically. I didn't know what was so funny. Maybe it was the way he'd been teasing me earlier, or maybe it was just that I hadn't laughed in a while. The reason was anybody's guess, but it did feel wonderful. I'd always loved the ache you got in your abs after a nice, long laugh.
"I'd better be getting home," I chuckled, getting up off of my comfortable seat and stretching my arms above my head. "My mom is probably up waiting for me to come home so that she can dish out another one of her lame excuses. I'd hate to keep her awake too late."
Jake rolled his eyes. "Or," he suggested, "you could come stay with me for a while, just until you get the situation at home evened out a little. Rachel's home for the summer, but Rebecca's out of the house for good. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you stayed in her room for a couple of nights."
"No," I declined regretfully. "I appreciate the offer, but…I'm not going to let my mother kick me out of my own house. Besides...somehow, I don't think my father would like that arrangement." I kissed him slowly on the lips. "He thinks I'm irresponsible," I whispered.
Jake groaned, pushing me away from him playfully. "Don't tease me, Frey," he moaned dramatically.
"Oh, get over yourself, you little Drama Queen," I laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jake. Goodnight."
"If you're sure…then goodnight," he grinned at me.
We went our separate ways, he heading to his house, and I, unfortunately, heading to mine.
This time, I came in through my bedroom window, picking up the shredded clothes I'd left behind when I'd phased before heading to Emily's place to start patrolling the reservation as I went. My room was just how I'd left it- a mess.
So, what did I do? I cleaned it, of course.
I put my iPod on the speakers I'd bought myself with last year's birthday money and set it on shuffle. Then, I got down to business.
For the next couple hours, I worked in my room, picking up and sorting dirty clothes, completely emptying my desk drawers, throwing away the extra crap I really didn't need, and reorganizing them, and I even cleared out my closet of old clothes that didn't fit anymore- I'd had a bit of a growth spurt in the past year.
The task was brutal. There was so much junk, hidden away in every crevice and corner of the place, stuff I didn't even know I had anymore. I found a box of old Barbie's, half of which were headless- Jake was never very nice to my Barbie's. I was overjoyed to find my old collection of VeggieTales tapes, and I made a mental note to get Bella over and have a VeggieTales party sometimes soon. There was the Raffie cassette tape I'd always insisted upon listening to as a little kid, featuring the Banana Phone song- you know, "Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring! Banana phone!"- and, my personal favorite, "Baby Beluga". Although I racked my brain for at least ten minutes, I could not for the life of me remember what the ring of keys I'd discovered in an old sock at the back of the sock drawer went to.
In case you couldn't tell, I hadn't done a really in-depth clean in a really, really long time. When I was finally finished at around five in the morning, I could have sworn that the walls were literally shining. The mirror in the bathroom next door was reflecting flawlessly back at me, as well, having scrubbed it and every other surface of the room clean when I'd finished my own room.
I was proud of my accomplishments. Not only had I gotten some much-needed (not to mention really late) spring cleaning done, but I'd managed to live through a few more hours without thinking about the coldhearted woman who was probably sleeping in her old bed, with my father, as if nothing had changed since she'd left.
Now that I'd managed to get so much work done, I changed into some loose sweats and a tank top and allowed myself to crawl under the covers of my bed and drift into sleep.
"Are you leaving so soon?" Carlisle asked the bronze-haired boy with alarming red eyes as he dragged his suitcase down a flight of stairs. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like, Owen."
"I know, Carlisle," Owen smiled wistfully. "I wish I could stay longer."
"It must be hard," Carlisle sighed. "To be so near your family."
He nodded. "It is. That's why I've got to go now. If I stay much longer…I'm going to go do something stupid. I know that I've been able to show pretty good self-control so far…but I don't trust myself to be around my father and Gracie. I'd feel awful if I were to reveal you and your family to Forks."
"If this is what you want," Carlisle agreed, "then yes, perhaps it is best that you go sooner rather than later. I would hate for you to do something that you would regret later."
"Thank you for understanding, Carlisle."
Carlisle just smiled, hugging Owen goodbye. Suddenly, Esme appeared above them on the steps. "Owen, you're leaving," she said sadly, getting in line to receive her farewell hug.
"Yeah, I am, Esme," Owen sighed, hugging the motherly vampire.
"You can always wait until morning, Owen," she practically begged. "Didn't you want to say goodbye to your little werewolf friend before you go? I don't know if she'd be happy with you if you left without saying goodbye."
"I was actually thinking of stopping by to see her before I left," Owen nodded.
"Won't she be asleep? It's nearly three in the morning."
"She'll just have to wake up, then," he grinned mischievously.
I woke up with a start, suddenly feeling as if I were not quite alone in the dark. I narrowed my eyes as they adjusted, and was able to easily pick out the dark shape sitting in the chair at my desk, his head on his arms, staring at me.
"Hey there, sleepy head," Owen grinned at me.
"Owen!" I squealed pathetically, jumping up and hurrying to hug my vampire friend tightly. "Oh, I was just dreaming about you! You're leaving," I accused with a pout.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I would have just woken you up…but I didn't want to scare you too much. Besides, I need the practice." He grinned sheepishly at me, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck.
"I'm going to miss you, so much," I murmured into the cold pale rock of his throat. "Seriously. This is so not fair."
"I know," he sighed, "and I'm going to miss you, too, Freya. But you know why I've got to go." Owen was silent for a moment, probably thinking about his family. I don't know if it was the sad, lonely look in his ruby eyes, or the way his light was shining just a shade lighter than normal, but something made me crane my neck up and give him a peck on the cheek.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "About your family. They'll be taken care of, ok? I'll make sure of it- I'll include their house in my patrol every night."
"Thank you," he sighed, obviously relieved. "Sometimes…" he shook his head. "It'll be easier, with one kid out of the house…but there are times I honestly wonder about what's going to happen to my family. We were just barely scraping by from month to month on mine and my dad's paychecks. It'll be good to know that someone's watching over him and Gracie."
"They'll have money," I promised. "My dad or Billy or someone can probably get him a pretty good job on the reservation, and as uncomfortable as it makes me to be around so many vampires," I winked at him teasingly, unable to help myself, "I'll talk to Carlisle about the money issue. Your family will be well watched over."
"You are an angel," he informed me.
"Well, I try," I grinned.
He buried his face in my hair, as if he were trying to…memorize my smell, or something. Owen was a vampire now, after all- vampires were kind of weirdoes. You could never tell what they were thinking. His face in my hair did feel good…although very wrong. Maybe it was different for him, but the gesture felt too intimate to me. It made me miss Jake.
"Come with me," Owen whispered into my hair after a while.
I froze. My back was ram-rod straight and my eyes wide. I was halfway worried that someone would have to pry my arms away from his neck, but eventually I was able to collect my thoughts long enough not only to release my choke-hold on my vampire friend, but also to get a few coherent words out. "Come…with…you?" I repeated, hardly able to make sense of the words. "Why?" I wondered aloud.
"Because I can't stand to go a day without seeing you," he informed me. "I just…I can't do it, Frey. I'll miss you too much."
"I'll miss you too, Owen, but…I've got to stay here," I frowned. "There's the pack, and Jacob…"
"Jacob," he growled. "It always boils down to Jacob, doesn't it? Did you ever even consider that you had different options? That maybe Jacob wasn't who you were supposed to be with?"
I recognized the flash of anger in his eyes- it was the same sort of thing we werewolves saw all the time in the younger members of the pack, the ones who had issues controlling their temper. Owen was about an inch away from a total breakdown. I'd survived a vampire bite ones- that was a small miracle in and of itself. I really didn't feel like pushing my luck any further.
"Owen," I warned him. "Calm down. Take a deep breath. Okay?"
"I'm sorry," he apologized, his eyes closed and his nose pinched together with one hand. "Really. I'm still getting the hang of this." I could really tell he'd been spending a lot of time around Edward; he was starting to pick up on some of his gestures. I guess there were a few good things about Owen's leaving.
"And you're doing really, really well," I assured him with a smile. "The Denali coven will help you learn to control it a little better, I think…although admittedly, the Cullen's are a bit more controlled…but the vampire Tanya- I've heard that she's absolutely lovely," I winked at him.
"I don't want Tanya," Owen muttered with a shake of his head. "I want you, Freya."
Okay, yeah, so…that took me a little by surprise. I hadn't been expecting him to be all, "Omigod, Freya, you're like, my soul mate!" or anything. I didn't want him to feel like that, either. As he said those words…I felt a shiver go down my spine. Maybe…if Jake had continued to be an idiot and Owen hadn't tried making out with me in the movie theatre that night…
Maybe he and I would have ended up together.
"Freya, I lo—"
I cut him off, my hand covering his mouth. "Owen, don't," I begged. "Just…don't. I can't bare to hear you say it…when I know that I can't say it back. You're one of my best friends, and I love you. Only, I love you more like a brother than anything else." I frowned. "I don't want to hurt you, Owen," I clarified. "I just want you to know how I really feel, so that there's no confusion later."
"You're so…honest," Owen grimaced. "Brutally honest."
I shrugged. I'd always had a way of cutting the crap and getting to the point. I liked things better that way. Politicians could learn a lesson from me. "I just wanted to make it clear to you, Owen. I'm sorry."
"It's…it's cool," he sighed, shaking his head in defeat. "I didn't expect you to change your mind about Jake, or anything. I just wanted to make how I felt clear to you." His eyes alit with laughter at the humor he always seemed able to find in just about any situation. "And I want you to know," Owen continued, his face suddenly turned serious, "I will always be there for you. If you ever do change your mind or if you ever need someone to talk to…you know where I'll be." He broke out into a brilliant grin, his teeth flashing so brightly it was almost blinding.
"I'll keep that in mind," I chuckled. "I'm going to miss you, Owen." I hugged him one last time before he had to go.
"I'll miss you, too. I'll call you," he promised me, edging closer toward the window. "Bye, Freya."
"Bye," I whispered. Then, he dropped silently out the window down to the ground below, and walked swiftly out to his car that must have been parked out front where I couldn't see it. With a sigh, I heaved myself back into bed, pulling the covers over my head. I didn't want to think about what Owen had said. I didn't want to think at all, really. All I knew was that he was gone, and the last things I'd had to say to him had probably hurt him more than he'd let on.
I squeezed my eyes shut, determined not to think, at all. Usually, I was able to clear my mind. But suddenly…it was all too much. Everything that had happened lately suddenly just got to me. My mother's return, my father's easy forgiveness of her sins. Riff's absence- I always missed him terribly when he was gone. Bella's upcoming marriage, and my role in the wedding as Maid of Honor…and all the decorating and crap I was bound to be stuck doing with Alice later on. I was always tired from patrolling every night, and I missed my old friends who had suddenly decided that I had abandoned them. I was feeling bad about Owen's almost-declaration of love for me- one that I could not and would not ever return- but I was still going to miss him like crazy. I felt guilty for having Owen up in my room at three-thirty in the morning, I always felt ugly when I looked in the mirror, because my entire body seemed to be ridden with long, white, ugly scars.
It was too much for me. Normally, I could handle a little stress. Being a werewolf was a stressful thing, after all. But all of this, together, hitting me at exactly the wrong moment, it drove me off the edge.
I couldn't take this much longer. Sooner or later, I was going to snap.
This chapter made me kind of sad:( However, it was necessary to the story:) It's almost finished! The light at the end of the tunnel is near, everybody! :) Are you as excited as I am? 'Cause I'm totally excited:D
I'm really sorry to say, but I won't be able to update again for a couple weeks. On Sunday, I'm going out of town for a week, and I won't be able to have my computer with me. But I've already started chapter 30, so hopefully I'll be able to finish it quickly when I get home:D
I hope you guys liked this chapter! I'll see you all when I get back! :D
Penny for your thoughts?;)
