ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS: TIME
"How are you feeling?"
Robyn asked as Max appeared at the sitting room door, his jumper was on backwards and the label stuck out against his throat.
He turned around without answering, walking back into the kitchen and filling a saucepan with milk and cream.
"Max?"
She made to follow him but Lofty held up a hand, rising instead and making his way into the kitchen.
"Mate..."
He watched as Max placed the saucepan on top of the oven.
"Don't re-ally want to talk about it."
Max answered, still not turning, reaching instead for a wooden spoon and stirring the liquid, reaching for the decorated tin where he kept his chocolate and spices.
"You haven't turned the oven on."
Lofty pointed out, watching Max tip a handful of something into the liquid.
The doorbell rang as he spoke.
"That'll be Tess."
Robyn said aloud, moving to the front door.
Max paused, head lowered, watching the doorway to the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand.
Tess followed Robyn into the sitting room, taking her coat off as she moved.
"Uh...what's she doing here?"
Max asked, still holding his wooden spoon, still unmoving.
"Max, I had to tell someone, I couldn't ring up and say you and Dr Hanna were both off sick
without someone asking questions."
He let his gaze slip slowly from Tess to Robyn.
"Ye-ah...I didn't think you'd be able keep your mouth shut about this one. Too juicy eh?"
He cocked his head, his eyes appearing darker than they were, his lips tight and dry against his teeth.
"Max?!"
Robyn shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking apologetically at Tess who pursed her lips, seemingly a default stance she took when faced with Max.
"Robyn, Lofty, would you mind giving us a moment alone, please?"
Tess's voice was softer than he remembered it, she didn't seem to be phased by his aggression and it irritated him.
"Uh...sure..."
Robyn followed a silent Lofty up the stairs leaving Tess to move into the kitchen with Max.
She stood before him, arms folded, just looking at him, taking in his unwashed hair, overgrown stubble, the slight snarl of his lip.
"What?"
He asked eventually, well aware he sounded like a sullen teenager.
"I've just come to see how Zoe is."
She spoke as though she were speaking to a patient, low, soft...kind.
"She's pretty shit to be honest."
He said, tossing the spoon he held onto the work surface with a clatter and flicking the oven on, turning his back to Tess.
"Max...are you ok?"
She asked, hesitating before moving closer to him. She could smell the comforting smell of warm milk rising from the saucepan.
"Never been better."
He murmured, feigning distraction.
"Max, I'm not the enemy."
She watched as he emptied something from a tin into the saucepan, turning it a rich chocolate brown colour, the festive smell of cinnamon and chilli filled the air.
"No."
He turned to look at her, holding the tin in his hand, absently twisting the lid back in place.
"And neither am I."
He added, his coolness mildly threatening.
She sighed.
"Zoe's a friend, If she cares about you...if you care about her then I want to know that you're ok too."
He smirked as she spoke.
"Or as OK as you can be, under the circumstances."
She added, her voice quieter.
He placed the tin down gently on the counter next to the oven.
"'If' I care about her? Don't you get it? Haven't I done enough to prove myself yet?"
He stepped backwards, leaning against the work surface, an odd twisted smile grazing his lips, his eyes glittering with amused rage.
"I looked after her last night. I bought her home, I held her while she fucking miscarried our baby onto my bathroom floor. And then, do you know what I did then?"
His body seemed to shake with a growing hysteria. She shook her head slightly.
"I cleaned up the blood. So much fucking blood. And I held that tiny thing, that...baby, would you call it a baby? Or was it a foetus? It doesn't matter as much if it's still just a foetus does it?"
"Max..."
"I held it in my hand, wrapped up in fucking toilet roll. I could see it's head, I could see it's arms and legs I could see it's fucking fingers and toes...where it's eyes were...I could see..."
His body shook and he choked on his words. Tess moved over to him, placing her hand about his neck and pulling him into her, his back bent, his face against her shoulder.
"I could see it's heart under it's skin."
He whispered into the cotton of her top.
"Shhh."
She stroked the back of his hair as if he were a child, her other arm around his back her fingers against the wool of his jumper. He smelled of cigarettes and alcohol and the faint unwashed smell of someone who didn't care.
A bubbling noise roused him, he sucked in a breath, pulling away from her and turning to the oven, switching it off at the wall and removing the saucepan.
"What's that?"
Tess asked as he wiped his eyes with his hand, sniffing and clearing his throat.
"For Zoe."
He said, his voice barely a whisper.
"Hopefully she believes that I love her."
He added, pouring the chocolate into three mugs that he set out into a line.
"I take it you're coming up too?"
He asked, holding out a drink for her, refusing to meet her eyes.
She took the mug, whispering her thanks and following him up the flights of stairs to the top of the house.
"Tess is here."
He spoke as they entered the room, Zoe was sitting up in bed, watching the thin bracnhes of the trees patter against the window panes in the wind.
She looked toward them, an expression of vague reorganisation filtering across her face, nothing more. No smile or 'hello'.
Tess remained in the doorway as Max moved over to the bed, setting down the larger of the three mugs on the bedside table.
"Drink this."
He said, reaching out and touching her shoulder lightly with his fingertips. She looked up at him, a faint smile twitched the corner of her mouth.
"thank you."
She mouthed.
"I'll have a bath while you..."
He gestured to Tess.
"If you'll be ok?"
He looked to her again, the whites of her eyes were grey and bloodshot, her forehead and the corners of her mouth drawn and tense. She nodded and looked away again as he left the room.
"I'm so sorry Zoe."
Tess spoke as she came nearer, sitting herself on the edge of the bed, placing a warm hand over Zoe's.
"How are you doing?"
She asked, squeezing her fingers, watching as Zoe drew in a slow breath and finally turned to face her.
"How were you when your life fell apart?"
She asked quietly.
Tess squeezed her hand again, tighter this time.
"I was a mess."
She said, a flicker of something crossing Zoe's eyes.
"That's it. That's me."
Zoe exhaled as she spoke, her breath was heavy and stale with cigarette smoke.
"It's a good job Max was there..."
Tess breathed, Zoe looked briefly more alive at the mere mention of his name.
"I can't imagine what's going through his head."
She whispered, looking to the closed bedroom door.
"He's trying to stay strong...for you."
Tess said, reaching out for Zoe's drink and passing it to her.
A smile passed her lips as she realised what was in the mug.
"And I love him for that."
She whispered.
Apologies for not being able to update last night, my children didn't sleep very well so I was up and down a lot! This is the first update for this evening, there will be one or two (or one long one) to follow. I hope you're still enjoying it. Reviews still very much welcomed!
Again I'm not sure how to reply to just one person? Any help on this would be appreciated as I feel odd writing my replies on here?! Anyway, you asked what sort of journalism I do. I'll update my profile on here so you can have a nose. Hope that's ok? :) x
