Feelings
(ANNIE)
Once Finnick has finished yelling at her, Brae has no idea what to say. She hesitates for a few moments before shouting out, "You are terrible in bed!"
Finnick snorts. "Bitch, please. I rocked your world."
He did what? Wait, they've had sex? When? Under what circumstances? Were they together or something? I can't wrap my head around that. Can't do it. And why does the thought of Brae with Finnick make me feel . . . jealous?
Brae tosses her glass of orange juice in Finnick's face before storming out of the room.
"You idiot! This is my favorite shirt!" Finnick shouts after her. He turns back to me and asks, "Are you okay?"
Before now, I have never heard Finnick say anything mean. I've never heard him shout. I know he has a reputation for being a tool, but Finnick just never seemed like one to me . . .
That was several days ago.
Lately, I've been feeling kind of . . . funny. Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach and I can hear the blood pounding in my ears. Sometimes it's like a colony of butterflies are trapped in my stomach and my insides are melting.
I know it sounds weird. And it gets weirder – the inside-buttery stuff and the butterflies-thing only happen when I'm around Finnick. The sickness and pulse-hearing only comes when I'm not around Finnick.
Why does he make me feel funny? It's not natural.
I like everything about him. I like that stupid grin he gets when he thinks he's being funny. I like how he walks – shoulders thrown back like he owns whatever room he walks into. I like how he talks, dragging out certain words and speeding up on others. I really, really like him.
I once asked Britton what it was like to be in love, since he's in love with Io. He said that it could either be excruciatingly painful or make you feel like the whole world was yours for the taking.
And why am I thinking of love now, you ask? I think that's the word for how I feel about Finnick.
Brae has given me a strict limit of one glass of wine per night. I usually end up sneaking a few extra glasses, but I never get drunk. Finnick is aware of it, but he pretends not to notice.
Beest keeps the dresses low-cut and short. I've started to wonder if they plan on selling me like they do Finnick. But I'm the mad girl. Snow wouldn't be that cruel. Would he?
In District 7, I dance with a guy named Blight. He's nice enough, but sort of awkward. District 6 depresses me because of the morphling addicts. They look too much like Lowtide. Everyone in 3 is fidgety and fast-talking.
Today, we're in District 2.
Oh joy of joys.
Finnick is in a black velvet suit and white shirt. He's also wearing a simple leather bracelet around his right wrist. I'm in a black-and-white dress, black flats, and so much jewelry I can barely stand up straight. As for Brae, she dresses more and more scantily the closer we get to the Capitol.
After the ceremony, a handful of victors take me and Finnick for a tour around the district. 2 consists mostly of mountains and quarries, so we're taken around in a hovercraft. I stick close to Finnick out of fear. I mean, I killed one of their tributes. And the victors terrify me anyway – one of them has fangs!
When the hovercraft ride is over, we're brought into the banquet hall of the mayor's home. I eat a little, but one of the victors is looking at me funny. It makes me uncomfortable. The victor's got brown hair and an angular nose. Average height and build. Dark silver suit. I think Finnick said his name was Orion.
Brae is flirting with a victor named Brutus across the room. Finnick is telling some stupid yet funny story about his dog. The victor keeps on staring.
Eventually, I can't stand it. I tug on Finnick's sleeve and gesture at the door behind us. It leads to the balcony.
"You're going to get some air?" guesses Finnick. I nod. "Do you want me to come with you?" I shrug. "I'll be out in a minute, okay?"
It's cold outside. I regret not coming out here with a coat, but I don't feel like going inside to get a coat. So, I lean on the rail of the balcony.
That creepy victor from earlier comes and stands near me. "It's Annie, right?" he says.
Of course it's Annie. I nod.
"I'm Orion," he says, shaking my hand. "Egma's father."
Don't think about it. Don't think about her. Hate her. Killed her. Killed her 'cause she killed Asper. Blood. Her fault. Don't think about it. Don't. Don't. Don't.
What's that noise? Oh, it's just my teeth chattering. Legs are shaking. Whole world is spinning. Icy feeling crawling up my spine. Want to cover my hands with my ears and block out his words, but they're not responding.
"My daughter only killed two people," Orion continues calmly.
No. She didn't. She killed one and slaughtered the other. His facts aren't right. His facts aren't right!
Don't think about it. They're just words. Words can't hurt me. Words can't kill Asper. Words can't make me crazy. Egma, however, successfully accomplished all three.
"You've killed three, I think." He laughs. "My record is seven." He looks me right in the eye. "I'm sure Egma would've raised her record to three if you hadn't go–" he stops himself. "You know what? You earned that crown. Just like I did. Just like Finnick did. I just want you to be aware of the fact that the people you killed have families." He leans in uncomfortably close and whispers, "And not all of them are as forgiving as I am."
Finnick comes outside. "Hey," he says casually, and walks over to us. He peels off his coat and wraps it around my shoulders. "How's everybody doing tonight?" Orion doesn't say anything. He just brushes past Finnick and heads inside. "Don't worry about him," says Finnick, turning back to me. "His bark is worse than his bite." He pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Come on. We've got to get going."
He takes me through the mansion, into a hovercraft, to the railroad, and onto the train. He walks me to my room. I can't even give him a kiss good-night.
The nightmares come back. When I wake up, I look for the safety bracelet like Finnick told me to. But it's not there. Nothing is there.
So I go to the dining cart. And eat an omelet. Doesn't taste nearly as good as the one Finnick made.
