29

"You know, Kon, I've really come to enjoy our bonding time. Because, really, if you think about it, I wasn't accomplishing anything at three AM. Nope, I was just sleeping. That's all very wasted time. I mean, the REM is nice, but this is much better," Clark said rubbing at his stomach where Kon was kicking again. Sighing, he turned his head and looked down at his clock.

Okay, so he'd been wrong. It was a whole 3:14 in the morning. Based on Kon's record, that meant he had about another forty minutes to go of activity time, which would mean he'd be just back to sleep in time for the stupid rooster to wake him back up, which he would because, while all his other abilities seemed to be failing him-two days ago he'd stopped being able to use his superbreath-his hearing and sense of smell were getting more acute by the day. So, while he'd happily slept through the rooster all through high school, the minute that bird opened his beak, he'd feel it pounding in his skull.

Clark sighed and winced a little when Kon connected with something that could have been a kidney. "Buddy, wouldn't you rather be up in the daytime? You like the sun. I know you do." Sunbathing had been big on his list of approved activities. He didn't have many left. He spent the days on the sofa or, sometimes, if he felt up to it, he'd make it up to the loft too. Chloe, who was having a nasty flare up of mono this month, came by at least two days a week. On the days she couldn't convince Bernstein to let her off, she hustled out of the Planet as soon as she could and they went over Dr. Willowbrook's notes and Dax-Ur's journals.

Ironically, getting pregnant had made him more of an investigative journalist than he'd been since graduation.

Still, his days were quiet and uneventful, although Kara or his mom or even Bart often hung out with him. He wasn't sure, though, if Bart was popping in for quality guy time (perhaps a qualified term at this point in the pregnancy) or if he was hoping to flirt with Kara and Chloe and eat his mom's cooking instead.

Apparently, according to Bart, Clark was hogging all the best women. He'd offered Bart Lois but he'd declined.

Coward.

Kon shifted again and Clark continued stroking his stomach. "Well, at least you like the early, early mornings. That's good. I'm not a morning person. I hated getting up to feed the cows when your Grandpa made me do it, and I'm not too fond of this. But you? Total early bird. You are going to love milking, I can tell."

Clark shifted again and glanced down at his bed. Annoying crashes aside, he was growing to prefer the new sleeping arrangement. Floating was so much more comfortable than any bed he'd ever slept in. It wasn't just cozy compared to his old IKEA special or the worn feather mattress in his parents' room.

No.

Long ago, he'd been allowed to spend overnights at the mansion-his mother's blessing and not his dad's. It had never been like that . It was just that some Friday nights playing pool ran late and the mansion had twenty different bedrooms. There'd be one he'd had sort of as his own the three or four times he'd crashed there. The bed had been large, even bigger than the king Oliver and company had obtained for him now, and it was a mattress that cost more than his family's truck was worth.

It had been awesome.

Clark had never slept better until now.

Really, if his back weren't sore and he weren't really the size of a walrus and Kon would sleep through the night...okay, a lot of ifs, but the floating was better than any bed.

If he could figure out how to do it voluntarily and stop crashing, he wasn't sure he'd go back to sleeping the normal way after Kon was born. If , no when . It was too early or too late, depending on one's perspective, to start worrying about all of that.

"Kon, I'm bored too. I tell you what, buddy," Clark said, pulling out the large padded headphones from the basket he'd nailed to the roof. It was sturdy enough to hold his tape player and a few select cassettes. Thumbing through his collection, Clark paused. "What do you think's better? I like the stories Aunt Kara made for us. I hadn't heard them before either or at least I was almost as small as you are. We could listen to your Aunt Chloe's tape too. I know she wants you to be kind of Irish, what with the Connor name, but I can't listen to 'Oh Danny Boy' that many times in a row."

There was the slightest flutter in his stomach that he took to mean 'no.'

Okay, it didn't mean that, but he wasn't going to listen to that stuff voluntarily no matter how much he loved Chloe. Popping in Kara's tape, he pressed play and placed his hands behind his head. "We were hearing the story about the grelak , remember? And how he lost his tail...oh man, even Kryptonian's had Grimm's Fairy Tales. Kon, maybe we'll just stick with Disney...no, wait. The Lion King and Bambi are total downers." He shrugged and closed his eyes, only about thirty more minutes.

"So, the grelak it is."

"Clark, sweetheart, did you drink everything?" His mom asked as she set a fresh pitcher of orange juice down in front of him.

"Yes mom," He groaned, glaring at the partially congealed mess in front of him. "This stuff sucks."

"And enough of it keeps up with your metabolism," she reminded, biting into her English muffin.

He shook his head and drained the last of it, wishing he still had his speed. Not that he could make things pour faster, there were rules about viscosity and stuff, but if he could try anything to make this whole thing go faster, he would have. "It's still pretty gross and how big do I have to be? I already gained 45 pounds."

"It's not cute to complain," she chided. "The way you speed, when your powers come back? You'll be normal for you in a month. I still had twenty pounds to work off after-" She stopped, realizing what she'd said. "Nevermind, baby. We just want you to keep staying as healthy as possible."

Clark set down his cup and looked up at her. "We never really talked about that."

"What dear?" She asked, her voice polite yet professional.

"The baby, not Kon, but what happened the summer I ran away."

"We don't have to. You apologized and I never blamed you."

Clark nodded and started tapping nervously at his plate with his fork. "Dad did."

"Clark-"

"No, he did and he was right, you know. If I hadn't been so stupid, if I'd just told you about Jor-El, I'd be a big brother right now."

His mother shook her head and pushed her plate away. "Clark, baby, it's not your fault. You were sixteen and the AI has never worked right. J'onn just told us as much. You had the ship threatening you and you didn't know what you could do to stop it. You made your choice because you thought about being invulnerable."

"I made it because I didn't want you and dad to deal with it. You both thought everything was fine and I didn't want you to know otherwise."

"You can always come to me. You could have always come to your father too."

I did.

Clark wanted to say that but he never would. To this day, he did not know if his father had ever told his mom about the scene in the hospital, about having the door to her room slammed shut in his face. Somehow, as honorable as his father was, Clark couldn't believe that he'd admitted about the truth about their worst fight. Revealing it wouldn't have made him come home from Metropolis and it would have made his mom so very angry.

Just like revealing it now wouldn't serve any purpose.

Everything had been settled and mended at a terrible cost years ago.

Still, that scene in the hospital still hurt and it haunted his nightmares as surely as his time in Summerholt or those long hours waiting for Chloe to wake up after she'd healed Lex.

"You can come to me with anything, Kon. I promise," Clark said quietly, slipping into Kryptonian.

"Baby? What were you saying?"

"Nothing, mom. Just something Kara taught me." His mother frowned but didn't press and he continued, "I know that I can come to you, mom and I will. I'm sorry it took me a few weeks to tell you about Kon, but I was embarrassed."

"I can understand that and you were probably in shock too."

"I think I still am," he replied wryly. "Every morning I wake up and expect to be me."

"You are you."

"I haven't felt like me in months. It's not all a bad thing," he said quickly to reassure her. And truly it wasn't. "I love him and what we have, what I can feel with him, I don't have words for it."

His mother smiled, "It must be nice."

It was an inadequate word, a small one, but his mother had never gotten as far as he had with Kon. She'd miscarried not just his potential sibling but several times before he'd ever come to Earth, and every time, she'd been squarely in the second trimester.

"We got wrapped around a little," he said. "I think what I meant to say is that I'm still very sorry about the baby."

"And Jor-El tricked you. If you hadn't done what you did...he might have tried controlling you before we even had the option of Black Kryptonite. We don't know. It's easy to look back and think you can do better but what if it had gone even worse?"

"It couldn't have."

"There are a million ways it could have gone worse, sweetheart. You could have gotten hurt or brainwashed or Chloe could have been still on the farm. You don't know."

"But I cost you what you wanted."

"Honey-"

"I know what you're missing. The universe is having this big field day on me, you know?" He started and his right leg twitched with the urge to pace, but that was too much for him. "I can take it. I mean everything that's happened is humiliating. I can't lie about that. It's not even the superficial stuff-and I think basically having a sex change without the surgery-"

"Clark-"

"...sucks," he finished. "It's the exams and I think having the Manhunter doing it is even worse because he knew me before and we had a simple relationship. Okay, we totally didn't. But he showed up, was mostly cryptic about danger and then we hunted stuff down. See, not too complicated. Now he's prodding at things that should not need prodding and technically shouldn't be there!"

His mother sipped her coffee. "It's not good to get worked up, sweetie."

He panted a little. "I know. I don't mean to get worked up."

She smiled kindly and patted his arm. "Of course, baby. This must be very hard for you."

"You think?"

"Clark Kent, you're not too old for me to wash your mouth out with soap."

"I like soap," he said grinning impishly at her.

That was true. His mom had given up on that tried and true parenting method when he'd started eating the nice, perfumed, 'just-for-company' soaps back when he was three.

"Then don't be rude."

"Sorry mom. It's just that was a pretty obvious statement," he said, patting his stomach.

"I meant the hormone part of it."

He slunk down in his chair, well, as well as he could slink. "Mom!"

"No, I'm serious. You're always so shut off, baby. You keep everything clamped down all the time and it's not good for you, like back two years ago after the wedding or even with how you were really feeling after Chloe started dating Jimmy."

"I have to keep my emotions in check," he replied. "If I don't now, well Kon gets upset and things shatter, but even before, if I get upset...I don't want to hurt anybody."

His mom nodded. "And we tried to train you so hard not to get upset and not to hurt anyone that we might have gone too far the other way. You need to be honest with people about how you feel, baby."

"I am."

"You have been."

"Huh?"

"You've been a lot more honest about things than you have in years-with Lana in the penthouse, with me and Lionel at the shower, with Chloe. I know you don't want to be feeling things so intensely, that it's an adjustment, but I think it might be good for you."

"Really?" He asked, snorting. "Yesterday, I cried over a long distance phone commercial. I think I'm a mess."

"But you're telling people how you feel. You're right. You can't let your guard down ever like another person could, although Kara's as hot-tempered as they come."

"Tell me about it."

She grinned. "Aren't Kryptonian teenagers fun?"

"I owe you like a yacht or something."

"Diamonds are a fantastic Mother's Day gift," she reminded him.

"You don't say."

"Oh, Hallmark is pushing them this May."

He paused at that and bit his lower lip. "Am I getting a card for that?"

"In June, baby. We all know that you're not Kon's mother."

"I...that's a different debate."

"It is," she replied, frowning. "My point is that because of who you are, just like Kon and Kara and even Jax when he comes into his power, you can't be as emotional as we are, but you can be more honest."

"I'll keep that in mind," he replied.

"Clark-"

"I'll try, mom. I promise."

"Good," she said, drinking her tea. "Clark, you were ranting?"

"Saying, mom, there's a difference."

"I see."

"I...it's just that the worst part of this whole thing is that I shouldn't be doing this."

"I thought you'd gotten past that part. Kon will be born before you accept the whole situation."

He sighed and shook his head, "No, I'm not in denial about Kon. It's just that I wish...it's not fair that you can't do this, too. I'm sorry."

His mom's eyes widened and she reached out to stroke his arm. "You didn't do it."

"Once I-"

"You didn't. It just wasn't something I was destined for. I have you and Kara and Connor. I don't mind it."

He smiled sadly and cradled his belly. "But you won't ever."

"But you are and I'm very proud of you."

"You are?" he asked. "I'm confused. I thought dad would kill me."

"Your father would have and with good reason. I'm not proud of what you did or the example you set for Kara. Don't think I don't know what she was doing with sleepovers in Metropolis."

He laughed. "I noticed there haven't been any since you moved home."

"There won't be. I expected more of both of you than that."

He frowned and his voice wavered a little. Even normal, he'd never been very strong against his mother's disapproval. Even above his dad, her blessing meant everything. "But you just said you were proud of me. I'm so confused."

"I'm proud of how you've handled what happened. I'm proud of how you handled everything with Lana and the maturity you showed by not marrying her."

"Uh, you told me not to."

"And you listened. You have a funny track record with taking my advice."

"I...it wasn't right."

"I know and you stood up for your health and Connor's no matter what she wanted."

"With the Blue K," he growled. "It wasn't hard."

"And you acquitted yourself beautifully at the shower. I know some of the boys said things they shouldn't."

He shrugged. "Not really. Bart's not mean. He's just like Lois and Kara-the filter from his brain to his mouth is broken, and Ollie was kind of in shock. I'm kind of used to it."

"Still, you're doing so well with something you didn't ask for."

"I love-"

"I'm not talking about Kon. I'm talking about how he's getting here."

Clark sighed and tapped a finger against his cup. "I always have to put up with abilities I didn't ask for. This is just a new one."

"And with everything J'onn keeps saying and what we've found out so far...you're being so brave."

"Is this a pep talk?"

She shook her head, "No, I'm telling you how impressed I am. I...do you remember when Whitney signed up for the army?"

"Before or after Chloe got kidnapped and there was a tornado?"

"Before the tornado."

He frowned, "Is this a trick question? I remember everything."

"Humor your old mom."

"You're not."

"You know what I mean."

"Well you shouldn't say things like that. I think you're still a pretty as the picture I have in the den that I showed to Kara when she first came here."

"Thanks, sweetie. Now, stop hesitating."

"I...I said that he was braver than I was because he could die if he went. It's really easy to fight meteor mutants when they can't really hurt me. Even if I went to war, I couldn't get shot or stabbed."

"Exactly."

"Now I'm very lost. I'm not in the army but Lois could hook me up if I wanted."

"No dear. I just...you're sick, but you're doing everything you can to keep you and Connor safe and healthy. You could just curl up on the sofa and never come out or give up, but you haven't."

"I don't have a choice. I have to save him."

"I know, and I'm not trying to scare you. If the other Kryptonians, even some of them, can survive this, I know that you can."

"But," he asked, gulping a little.

"But you are sick and every day something changes a little more and you're braver than your father or I ever thought you could be. I'm very proud of you for that."

He looked up at her and felt his shoulders start to shake. "But I'm scared all the time mom. It's all I think about. It's like this clock in my head ticking down until I don't know when, not even until I go into labor and that's the new weirdest sentence I've ever said out loud. I think I'm counting down until I start bleeding and I can't stop and it keeps me up nights, mom. I don't want to die."

"Shh, god, sweetheart," she said, standing up and crossing around the table to sweep him up as best she could into her arms. One arm was wrapped around his shoulders as he cried on her shoulder and the other, to his surprise, was rubbing the expanse of his stomach. "Shh, I'm not going to let that happen. Me , not J'onn or Kara or whatever Dr. Willowbrook knows. Me, and I've taken care of you since you were three. I promised, Clark, and nothing's going to happen to you. I won't allow it."

He picked his head up and sniffled. "Because you said so?"

"Exactly." She smiled, "Clark, does Kara listen to me?"

"Yup, it's like a miracle. Can you give me tips?"

"It's my superpower."

"Not fair. She never listens to anything I have to say."

"Do you listen to me?"

"Most of the time...I mean, yes, mom."

She smiled, "So, if the two most powerful beings on the planet listen to me. You think fate wouldn't?"

He laughed, despite himself. His mom could be pretty scary. He wouldn't want to be St. Peter or the Angel of Destiny or fill-in-your-deity here trying to explain to his mom about what was supposed to happen to him. She'd never hear of it. And then probably burn the whole cosmic ledger just to make her point. "No, mom, I guess not."

"Then problem settled. You're going to be fine, but I just wanted you to know that every day, I'm even more amazed and proud of you than the day before."

"I...thanks, mom," he said, sniffling.

"Anytime, sweetheart," she said rubbing his belly and then smiling when Kon kicked. "He's so strong."

"Yeah, he is," Clark replied sadly. "He's just like his dad."

"Then he's very lucky," she said, leaning over and giving him a peck on his stomach.

"Right," he said noncommittally, finishing off the last piece of burned toast (purposely, he preferred it that way) that his mom had lain out for him.

His mom sighed and stood up, her hand still over Kon. "Baby, can you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Will you still think about Lionel's trust fund offer."

Clark shivered and, for the first time in three weeks, it had nothing to do with the Kansas winter. "It's Lionel, mom."

"And he's defended your secret."

"And he's also done a lot of bad things and it's Luthor money. Dad would never have-"

"It's different now," she said. " He's different. I thought you were okay with us."

He flinched. "I'm trying to be okay with it. I know he can do good and I know that J'onn trusts him but there's so much there and I can't take his money. Please don't ask me to do it again."

"It's a good investment for your son."

"Something like that always comes with a price."

"Clark, baby, just don't do anything rash. The fund will be there a year from now or fifteen. He wouldn't get rid of it."

"Then it's all planned out?"

"No, but it's an option and he wants to help. Clark, your father was a good man."

"The best."

"But he had his faults and stubbornness was the worst one. He was so inflexible sometimes. Do you really want to be that way too?"

"Of cour-" he was about to answer, but then he stopped. His father's stubbornness had been the reason he'd turned his back on him once, had left him alone in a hospital corridor separated from his family.

It had hurt so deeply.

He didn't want to be like that. Hadn't he just promised Connor that he wouldn't?

Sighing, he patted his mother's hand. "I'll think about it, mom. Alright, but I'll need a few months, okay?"

"Fine, sweetheart, just never dismiss something right away. You, of all people, shouldn't be narrow minded."

He snorted as his mother collected his plate and headed to the sink, "Yeah, it would be kind of sad if the pregnant male space alien was judgmental."

"Clark, I don't like that word."

"Pregnant?" He asked, struggling up and sighing at how difficult it was all getting. "You forgot about the cup of gross powder."

His mom took his cup and ran it under the faucet. "Nice try. You know which word I meant."

"The a-word?"

"Exactly," she replied, ruffling his curls with one damp hand. "You really need to-"

"I know watch what I start saying around Kon," he sighed again and started rinsing his plate beside her. "You know that in any other family it's an entirely different a-word that's off limits, right?"

"We're not any other family."

Clark looked down at his ever-growing belly, "That's for damn sure."

"Clark!"