At seven years old, Ian believes he's smarter than his fathers. He tries to outwit them, but often doesn't succeed. He tries to hide things from them, but they both figure it out. He tries to find his own clues, the way his Daddy does, but sometimes he embarrasses other people or says things he shouldn't. He is smart, yes very smart, but both Sherlock and John knows he has so much to learn.

So Ian tries to teach himself. He tries to sneak around, and he tries harder to find his own clues. And who not better to test his skills on than his dads? For weeks he finds obscure things about them, chart their motives, and over breakfast one morning he shares his findings with John.

Ian starts by handing John the strawberry jam instead of the grape.

"How did you know I wanted the strawberry?" John asks.

"It's Monday."

John looks confused. "What do you mean, son?"

"On Mondays you like strawberry because it's sweeter and you don't like Mondays."

"Oh," John says. "I guess you're right. You're very clever, Ian."

"That's not all I know, Dad."

John looks at his son. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Ian leans closer to John. "I know everything." He gives John the same wicked smile Sherlock is capable of giving.

John shivers. That look, he thinks. It will kill me one day. "Ok, smartypants," John says, "Prove it. Tell me something you know."

"I know that your shoulder is hurting, Dad."

"How do you know that?"

"I can tell because for the past few weeks you've only hugged Dad or I with your other arm, and that one," Ian points at John's left shoulder, "You haven't moved much. Why does your shoulder hurt, Dad?"

John and Sherlock haven't told Ian about certain parts of their lives; John getting shot, Sherlock jumping off Bart's. John thinks and finally says, "Sometimes it just does. I don't know why." He obviously doesn't like lying to Ian, but sometimes Ian is just a little kid and they don't want to bombard him with the nightmares of their own lives.

"Oh, ok," Ian accepts. "I know a lot more."

"Like what?"

Ian thinks. "I know Uncle Mycroft likes Uncle Greg."

John laughs. "That's not really a secret," John says.

"Then why aren't they together, Dad?"

"Because they're both married men. It doesn't work the same for some people."

Ian accepts that, too. "I know that you slept on the couch last night but when I came downstairs you pretended to come out of your room."

John furrows his browns. "How do you know that?"

"I heard you fighting last night," Ian quietly says.

"You did?" John asks.

Ian nods.

"You shouldn't have heard that," John grabs Ian's hand. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I didn't really hear all of it, I just heard you leave your bedroom. But you didn't leave the flat so I know you slept in the living room."

"Right you are," John says, letting Ian's hand go. "So what else do you know?"

"I know Daddy saves texts from you," Ian says.

"Oh, he does?" John smiles.

"Yeah. Sometimes he gets a weird smile while you're at work and does that screen shot thing his phone does."

"That's nice," John says, still smiling. He picks up his juice to drink.

"Yeah," Ian thinks for a minute, then asks, "Dad, what does wank mean?"

John snorts so hard juice nearly comes out his nose. He sets his glass down and coughs, having choked on his juice, and wipes his nose and mouth. "What?" John asks, taken aback.

"What does wank mean? Once I looked at Daddy's pictures to see what he saved from you, and—"

"You read your father's messages?"

"Yes, but I didn't mean—"

"You shouldn't have done that, Ian. Those were private and you really shouldn't have done that."

"Why are your cheeks red, Dad? Did I make you angry? I'm sorry."

"I'm not angry, Ian, I'm just…" John trails off because yes, he's very very embarrassed. Obviously some of the texts Sherlock's saved aren't good, but maybe Ian doesn't know what they mean and he'll forget about it. "Just change the subject, ok?"

Ian doesn't say anything for a few minutes but John can tell he's trying to come up with something good to talk about. The kid needs to talk, John thinks.

Finally Ian opens his mouth. "So you're not going to tell me what wank means?"

"No."

"What about finger or cum or fu—"

"No, no, no, no, no, no. I will not explain to you any of those texts you shouldn't have read."

Ian sighs and falls back against his chair. "Some of them were things like, 'I love you,' or 'I miss you,' and one was a photo of you and I."

"That's nice isn't it?"

"But most of them were things I don't understand."

John sighs and rubs his palm against his face. "Well, I won't tell you about those things for a few years, ok?"

"Alright," Ian accepts. "Do you want to know what else I know?"

John nods and they continue breakfast while Ian shares things that John can't figure out how he knows.

When Sherlock gets up it's time for John to go to work. Sherlock heads to the sofa and rests there while John rinses his and Ian's plates and heads for the door. He grabs his coat and goes to the sofa to kiss Sherlock goodbye. Ian joins them and sits in the chair next to the sofa.

"Ian, why don't you tell Daddy about the things you've learned?" John says, pulling his coat on and heading to the door.

"What have you learned, Ian?" John hears Sherlock ask as he exits their flat and goes to the stairs.

"First I have a question," Ian says. "What does wank mean?" John hears him say.

"Well, it's when—"

John hears Sherlock begin to explain, then quickly runs back up the stairs, throws the door open, and shouts, "NO!"

Ian and Sherlock are both so startled they jump and their eyes grow wide.

"No explaining to Ian what your saved text messages mean," John says, pointing a finger at Sherlock.

Sherlock looks from John to Ian. "Have you been reading my texts?" Sherlock asks.

Ian shamefully looks down. "Well, I…I just wanted…"

"Right, you can deal with this. I'm off," John says, kissing them both again and saying goodbye.

While John's gone, Ian tells Sherlock all he's learned and only tries to find the meaning in Sherlock's texts a few times. But Sherlock listens to John and saves all of that for another day.

*Hello, all! If anyone reads my stores The Same Situation of Six Different Men, then you know that this AU has nothing to do with that, so in this one Mycroft has a wife and kids and so does Lestrade, that's why in one they're together and this and ones like this they're not. Just to clear that all up. : )