Chapter 29
Sam is trying to concentrate what he is reading, he really is but its really hard to focus when green eyes are swimming in his view with a persistence. And obviously, how could Sam focus on his studies in the face of that. No competition. Its been more than three weeks since Dean last visit and Sam is missing him fervently. He hasn't even talked to Dean on the phone recently because seemingly Dean is wrapped up in some hunt or another. Sam sighs. He looks around the library. Students scattered here and there, some seated in groups, others solo like him. He is sitting at the far end of the library with a big glass bay window looking out the great expanse of the college below. Sam hasn't heard from Dean in almost four days, not even a text message. He had gotten so used to Dean's random texts and calls that he almost forgot about how not convenient Dean's job is. Almost. Because whenever Dean is on a hunt, Sam practically waits for his messages so that he can know Dean is safe. There is always a nagging feeling in the back of his mind which randomly drives Sam in a fit of worry over Dean. He can't help but worry how Dean is when he is out on a hunt. Sam feels queasy just at the thought of Dean being hurt. He knows that can't really be avoided when you are a hunter. He is not that stupid. But it doesn't mean that Sam is supposed to like it. He looks at his book, he doesn't even know what the hell he was reading. He sighs in defeat. He is on a damn whiplash. Sometimes his brain decides to show all the ways in which Dean can be hurt, and other times, their last meeting plays in his mind on an endless loop making him gleeful. He can still vividly remember the scene from the room. It feels surreal even now, like it was happening outside of time or Sam was watching it on a television or something. But then he remembers the sensations that followed it and he can't help but be ecstatic at that. Sam sometimes wonders if he just imagined the brush of Dean's lip on his temple but then he remembers Dean's cute little blush and that can't be a figment of his imagination. He hadn't said anything after that, just felt the moment for what it was. Neither he nor Dean had mentioned that little display of affection which had Sam grinning like a fool. After that, they had settled on the couch with beer bottles and a movie. They had ended up dozing on the couch with Dean's head on Sam's shoulder and Sam's head on Dean's. Dean's one hand was on Sam's chest and when Sam had woken up in the position, he wanted to bolt with the awkwardness. It was like they were cuddling. But Dean was still asleep so there was no one to judge them, or so Sam told himself. He was feeling weird in a good way with Dean all up in his space and Sam had stayed like that for the duration of Dean's sleep, soaking in the close proximity of Dean and memorizing it. He had pulled Dean more close after that and dozed off himself again. But the most weird thing that had happened, which Sam didn't expect, was Dean's reaction. Dean was the one to wake Sam the second time. Dean had nudged him softly and said 'its time to wake up sleeping beauty'. Sam would have expected awkwardness from Dean, or even that he would wake up alone. But they were more or less in the same position as before and Dean had a small smile on his face. Sam had wondered for a second if he was still dreaming.
Sam smiles at the memory and shakes his head. He pulls out his phone and sends a text message to Dean with a 'hey'. He gathers his books and stands up to leave the library. When he is on the ground campus, Jess catches up with him.
"Hey Sam.." She says with a grin. Her hair is tied up in a pony tail. Mirth in her eyes. She really is beautiful. Sam thinks. But Sam... He just doesn't feel anything for her. He has given on trying on that as well. The reasons behind it, he doesn't want to contemplate on them now. He just wishes he could find the courage to breach the subject with Jess one day, and soon, hopefully.
"Hi." Sam smiles and continues.
"And yeah I know, today is Hayden's birthday.." Jess is opening her mouth to say something when Sam interrupts her again "and I have already wished him in the morning." Sam says grinning. Jess raises her eyebrows, unimpressed.
"Yeah I know all of that.." She says sounding unimpressed. Now its Sam's turn to be confused.
"But I am sure you have forgotten about the party we had planned.." Jess says with an all knowing look on her face and Sam wants to smack himself on the head. Dammit. He totally forgot about it.
"And no, you are not conning yourself out of it" guilt card is coming next "you should think about Hayden." Here it comes. Sam sighs internally. Hayden is one of the person who Sam thinks as a good friend. He doesn't badger Sam for anything and just accepts him as he is. He really is a nice person. But Sam still doesn't like these type of things. 'Unless its with Dean...' His mind supplies not so helpfully and he quashes it down. But can't deny it. Its the truth. Plain and simple.
"Yeah yeah..I am coming..." Sam manages a small smile at that. He doesn't like when anyone uses that sort of things to get their way. Its not their fault anyway. Sam isn't really an easy person to be around, and they are sticking with him still, so that must count for something. Jess gives a big smile at that.
"Sweet." She says and stands on her toes and gives Sam a kiss on the cheek. Sam closes his eyes at that. The feeling of Dean's brush of lips passing through his mind, giving him more feelings than this one. Dammit. After chatting up with Jess for a little bit, he starts walking towards his house. Its a twenty minute walk from the campus which Sam doesn't mind. Sometimes when he is getting late, he catches a bus but most of the time he walks. He doesn't have any shift at work today and there are a few hours left before he has to leave for the restaurant they are meeting at. He will maybe get done some study, or take a nap. After he has reached home and freshened himself up, he fixes himself a sandwich. Dean had told him that he should sometimes cook for himself as well. A growing boy like him needs healthy food in the system and Sam had snorted at that. But nevertheless, he listened to him and makes an effort to cook for himself when he has the time.
He opens his book to study at the same time checking on his phone. No message. He sighs again. Dammit. He hopes Dean is okay. He looks at his book again and knows that he won't be able to get any word in. He opts for the nap.
Sam's Friends
Sam's friend are at the restaurant they had decided to meet up at. Not all of them are there yet. Jess, Anna are already here along with Mark and Peter. Hayden and Sam haven't arrived yet.
"Sam is coming? Right?" Anna asks twirling a strand of her hair.
"Yeah he is coming." Jess replies with a smile. Mark and Peter are talking among themselves so Anna grabs the chance and asks Jess in a whisper "Has Sam asked you to move in with him yet?" Jess' smile falls off her face and she shakes her head slightly. Anna makes a sympathetic face at that.
"Don't you think its about time...?" Anna whispers again and Jess shrugs at that. Doesn't reply. What could she possibly say to that. She doesn't understand Sam most of the times and doesn't know how his brain works. She will give it some time and then if Sam doesn't initiate, would take the matters in her own hand. Jess is shaken out of her thoughts when she hears voices nearing their table. Sam and Hayden have come together, Hayden laughing at something Sam is saying and it looks like Sam is trying to control his laugh as well while telling whatever he is telling. Sam looks so handsome. He is wearing a full sleeved light blue button down shirt with dark jeans. And for once, his clothes don't look like two sizes big on him. They fit him perfectly, accentuating his muscles. She sighs. How much she longs for him but Sam doesn't reciprocate the physical intimacy she tries to initiate. Everytime when things start getting heated and serious between them, Sam pulls away with one excuse or another. Just like he does with everything that is related to them. Everyone is wishing Hayden a happy birthday and she forces a smile and joins in the chorus.
After some conversation between them, Anna brings a cake for Hayden to cut at which Hayden says laughing "Do I look like a six year old to you guys.." And starts cutting the cake. The group once again starts singing happy birthday and some other patrons of the restaurant join too. Gifts are passed onto Hayden and after that they settle down for the dinner. After dinner, Peter and Mark leave early and the core members of the group are left.
"I really can't believe that Dawson turned down the head cheerleader Sarah. Everyone wants to have a piece of her and he just turned her down?!"
"Seriously, don't you guys have better things to talk about." Hayden asks the girls mockingly and Sam snorts. Both girls glare at the boys.
"You guys talk about sports all the time.. At least gossiping is fun..." Anna says while sipping on her beer bottle.
"Sports is a real thing. Just ask Sam.." Hayden turns to look at Sam who was looking like his mind isn't here. Sam starts at his name.
"Umm.. Whatever interests you I think?" Sam replies unsurely and Anna whoops on the opposite chair saying "See? Sam is always logical among us."
"If he IS among us.." Jess says in a bitter tone and Hayden and Anna turn to look at her sharply silently saying her to shut up. Sam on his part seems oblivious. They change the subject and the conversation carries easily between them. Sam of course, not a very talkative person among them, gives his two cents when asked to. They are laughing at the group two tables over them when Sam's phone rings and Sam doesn't waste a second taking it out. Hayden doesn't miss the big smile that graces Sam's face when he sees the caller I'd and excuses himself from the table to go outside. Jess is looking at his retreating form.
"Huh... He didn't use to have his phone before... Now it seems he is glued to his phone.." Anna comments.
"Yeah.." Jess mutters. Having more than a fair idea who must be on the phone.
"What was back there, Jess?" Hayden asks Jess in a serious tone. All traces of their previous laugh gone.
"What?" Jess snaps, knowing full well what Hayden is asking about.
"You know what. Even though Sam didn't catch your tone, but it was rude." Hayden replies.
"It was just the truth." Jess seems defiant.
"You could have said it in another way. And besides, Sam has always been a reserved person." Hayden says to a pissed off looking Jess.
"Except when he is with Dean..huh." Anna gives her two cents in an equally bitter tone.
"You are not helping here..." He says to Anna.
"Not trying to." Anna replies and Hayden rolls his eyes.
"Come on you people.." Hayden tries to dissipate the tension that has been created with the topic they don't try to touch. And the reasons are all here.
"Dean doesn't even stay here, and besides, Sam can decide whatever he wants to do with whoever he wants. He doesn't owe us anything." Hayden tries to reason them.
"In the short time Dean has come here, Sam has spent more time with him then he has in all this time with us, with ME. I am his girl friend, Hayden." This is the part that Hayden wouldn't have liked to mention, but it should be said now.
"We all know you were the one who asked out Sam first, knowing full well how he wasn't interested in you like that.." Hayden says looking at Jess. They all knew about this. It was the truth. Sam had never shown any special interest in Jess more than anyone. Jess doesn't say anything at that. Her mouth a tight line.
"I don't know if you guys have noticed, but Sam is always more happy when he is around Dean. Sam goes out of his usual ways for Dean which we would have thought Sam was incapable to do if we hadn't seen him doing for Dean." Anna again chips up making the atmosphere more tense.
"I mean... Do you think there is something between ..." Anna trails off but she didn't really need to complete the sentence. Jess' eyes widen at that, Hayden on the other hand looks non pulsed. Hayden won't be surprised if there was something going on between Sam and Dean. He has seen how they are always aware of each other when they are with other people, or how one talks about the other. He would actually want them to be together. He doesn't understand why Jess is holding onto Sam when there is clearly no future for them. Its not Sam's fault. Jess has always been the one to throw herself on Sam when Sam clearly wasn't interested, but didn't say anything out of politeness. He thinks that Sam should take that step since Jess is being stubborn about it. Jess is about to say something on what Anna said when Sam walks in with the same big smile on his face. The biggest smile Hayden had seen on his face the whole evening.
"I thought you had left Sam, you had been gone too long..." Anna says with a fake smile and a light tone, but everyone on the table other than Sam knows what it means.
"Uhh yeah... Was on the phone.. Sorry.." Sam replies with a sheepish expression looking down, putting his phone in his jeans pocket.
"From home?" Anna inquires, having more than a better idea who it was actually, but trying to play coy. Sam shakes his head in negative.
"Uhh..no..it was umm Dean.." Sam replies hesitantly like he really doesn't want to tell them and Hayden doesn't miss the expression of pure disdain that passes through Jess' face at that and Anna looks knowingly in his direction. Hayden sighs internally. He just wishes the best for his friends.
