Chapter 29- Faults
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A/N: *yawn* You should know...
*snore*
EDIT: Okay, we're at 'that' point.
Yooou're gonna hate me. So bad.
Um.
So, I'm going to revise Chappys 6-10 until next update.
Enjoy.
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I woke up feeling like I'd just run a mile in a thick layer of coats and pants. The pain evaporated.
For now, I guess.
I sit up, shaky, then walk over to my dresser and pull out a small bag of dried orange peels.
Rin says they always are sour enough to wake anyone up and to steady them for the day.
It does work.
I open the bag and dump the contents into my mouth, not swallowing.
Then, the tang of the peels hit me.
I run into the bathroom, like Rin told me to, and spit the peels into the trash can before sticking my mouth under the faucet and blasting myself in the face with water, choking and blowing my nose.
Well, I wasn't shaking anymore.
I went out to the kitchen, then pulled a few carrots from the fridge. I downed them quickly before heading back to my room and pulling on a simple shirt.
Then, I sit on the couch to think and wait for Piko, who has yet to wake up.
I've found out that our link allows us to wake up within a half hour of each other now, so I watch the clock as I think.
He was in pain last night.
Why?
I can't think of anything that could be wrong...
Then, I laugh humourlessly.
Oh, there are so many things wrong.
Me.
I'm a total jerk, I like to piss nearly everyone off, and I'm nearly always inconsiderate.
Yeah, sounds like me.
Then, I bring back my crush from the dead, who was eaten by a monster, and I bring back my friend and her new beau...
Oh, there's a list of things that are wrong.
A long list.
Then, I think back.
What if me having returned him to me...
..was the reason he was in pain?
No, Kaito and Miku had both been from the dead, and they were fine.
Was it me?
The stress of me.
He loved me, worried about me, would even place his life before mine.
And I'm not sure if the gods will allow him to return if I mess up again.
Because, if I'm right...
...this entire situation is my fault.
If I hadn't stalked him, if I'd actually been tempted enough to not pass up shopping that day...
This would have never happened.
But then, what would have?
Something highly less painful for Piko, that much I'm sure of.
I hate the fact that, quite literally, this is all my fault.
His pain is my punishment.
His tears are my sadness.
He's paying for my mistakes.
Every time.
I've hurt him so much.
I can't even think up a petty excuse for myself. I don't deserve to have him hold me every night.
He doesn't deserve to recieve my pain. He doesn't deserve to have to take care of me.
I stand, feeling shaky, but then I just brush it all from my mind.
I need to get away, far away, so I can't hurt him anymore.
I'll get the punishment I rightfully deserve, and everyone else won't have to pay for me messing up so much. I'll end up better, so will everyone else. It'll be perfect.
Hopefully.
I begin to walk quietly towards the door, checking with the link to make sure he's still asleep.
He won't have to worry about me anymore.
I'll go too far for him to find me.
So I just have to trust my head today, as my heart is screaming for me to turn around and run back, to forget that I ever wanted to do this, that it's not my fault.
But I'm not going to start pushing the true blame on other people today.
Almsot as if in a dream, I turn the doorknob and open the door.
I look back slightly, then shut my eyes.
It's time to let it go.
I turn towards the street, shut the door quickly, and run as fast as I can towards the airport.
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