A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews, much appreciated for this crazy, crazy, zany, totally weird story. Hope you enjoy the chapter and feel free to leave me a crazy review, see if you can top the weirdness of Chris and Stephanie! :P
"Don't look at me like that."
Stephanie shook a little bit in her spot, then grinned over at her brother again. He looked at her and he could feel that familiar heat returning to his cheeks. It started at his ears, they burned ever so slightly and then more and more until he knew they were a beet red and his cheeks held a rosy glow. Stephanie grinned even further at that and he grew even redder. It was like his sister was trying to see how red he could get in the shortest amount of time. Maybe that was her plan, maybe she and Chris had made a bet or something and Chris was just out of his sight with a timer in hand, recording this.
"What? I'm not looking at you like anything," she told him, but she was and he knew and she knew it and he believed the plant in the corner knew it.
"Yes you are, so just stop," he said, gathering up a couple more paper plates that had been strewn around Chris and Stephanie's backyard. He'd volunteered to stay and help clean up. The yard was a mess and he would've been driven crazy by it, but Chris and Stephanie just took it all in stride and as their dog went around trying to eat scraps leftover from the plates, they just went about cleaning up. His parents were helping too so it wasn't wholly a difficult effort, but it was still a considerable one.
"I'm not doing anything, I'm emptying glasses into the punch bowl!" she argued, but she had a lilt in her voice. He couldn't read his sister like some brothers could, but it didn't take a genius…or a robot as she would put it, to realize that she had an amused tone to her voice, one that told him she wanted him to admit what was going on. He had a strong will though and wasn't about to give in.
"Yeah, but you keep looking over at me!"
"I'm just looking to see what you're doing, geez, Shane, is that a crime, have I set up your receptors? Do you have them? Maybe you're like a bug and you can sense changes in the environment, like air pressure or how the moon is aligned or something. Might want to try your luck at the lottery…or you should if you weren't already stinking rich, seeing as how you're going to inherit the bulk of the company."
That made him uncomfortable. His parents never had any intention of cutting Stephanie off. She was good at her job, though, so even if they did she would have no trouble finding work elsewhere. It was understood though that the company would go to Shane. He'd never seen his parents' wills but he had a sneaking suspicion that most of everything they had would be going to him. Or at least that was the case right now; he wasn't sure what their reaction would be when they found out that he was going to Stephanie's wedding and had been spending time with her.
"You don't know that."
"Shane," she said, looking at him, tilting her head down to her chin slightly and raising her eyebrow. "Let's not kid ourselves here. You're the favorite, you always have been. I don't begrudge you for that. Look, I am grateful to Mom and Dad for everything they've done for me--"
"You are?" he asked incredulously. He thought Stephanie had always hated their parents.
"Of course I am. Look, we may not agree and they may not even like me very much and they might not have been the best parents and I may have been raised mostly by nannies, but they put a roof over my head, made sure I always had something to eat and clothes to wear and they put me through college and they've given me a job. I may not be what they want me to be, but that doesn't mean I'm not glad for what they've done for me."
Shane looked at her as she shrugged and started stacking the cups so she could go throw them out. He'd just always assumed that Stephanie, in her defiance, hated their parents and that was the root of everything. Hearing her say these things just made him that much more incredulous at his parents' behavior. If Stephanie was grateful and acted grateful and thanked them (as he assumed she did, Stephanie was never one to keep her mouth shut) , then why act like they did towards her. They always acted like she was an ungrateful child.
"Do they know you're grateful?" He just waned to make sure.
"Of course they do, I tell them all the time," Stephanie said as Chris walked by and handed her an empty trash bag. She slid the stack of cups into it. "I even make sure to note it on the Christmas cards I send, I even go out of my way to find the most serious Christmas card that I can find just so they would understand because I don't think they know what a joke is."
"Why aren't you mad at them?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" she wondered, looking at him again. She held out her trash bag and he emptied his arms of the plates he'd been carrying.
"I mean, you are nice to them and they are horrible to you and you aren't mad at them, why?"
"Um, ever heard the expression 'big girls don't cry?'"
"Stephanie, I'm being serious here."
"Oh, oh, excuse me, sir, I didn't realize we were conducting business while I was standing here in a coconut bra," she said, knocking on her bra. Then she looked at Shane and, realizing he was being serious, shrugged her shoulders again. "I'm just not because what's the point? Life is too short to be mad at people. That's how you lose people from your life. I mean, think of it this way, if I'd spilt that hot chocolate on Chris's chest and he'd been mad at me, cursed me out, then continued to hate me to this day, would I be here? Nope, I'd probably…well, no, I guess I would be here, in this house, because I lived here before Chris so I guess I would be here in the literal sense, but in the grander, big scheme, destiny, stars aligning sense, then no, I wouldn't be here. That's what grudges and being mad do, they hold you back from what you really want to be doing or should be doing. If you'd continued to let Mom and Dad influence you, would you be here?"
"No."
"No, because you, unlike them, didn't hold a grudge against me. Do you get it? I could make a PowerPoint presentation for you if you want, maybe a slideshow, a soft-shoe demonstration?"
"None of those are necessary, thank you. I just don't get you."
"And you never will, Shane, that's the beauty of it, it's my evil plan. Everyone thinks they have me figured out and then one day…oh, who knows what day…I'm going to just suddenly join the circus as a trapeze act. I'll work with a net though, don't worry, you won't see me go splat."
"Well, thanks for that."
"It's good advice, Shane, I suggest you take it. I could punch it out on one of those old IBM cards, do you have a slot for that?" she teased. "At least I know what you do with that mouth of yours."
Now he was blushing again. "Stephanie, please," he pleaded, but Stephanie had not had very many big brother/little sister moments with Shane and she had to make up for lost time. Hell, this was just the tip of the iceberg.
"I'm sorry, but walking into my guest bedroom to get someone's coat, I never expected to see my brother, on a bed, making out with a girl. This is truly a momentous occasion. It was something you would see in a movie, really. I'm just lucky both parties were still completely clothed, but then, who knows how long that would've lasted."
"I wasn't going to sleep with her. I don't even know her."
"Didn't stop you from shoving your tongue down her throat like she was choking and you were trying to pop out whatever was in there," she told him slyly.
"Oh, are we talking about Shane making out with my cousin?" Chris asked, coming over and wrapping an arm around Stephanie from behind. "Because I heard that he was using her like an oxygen tank and he was on a deep sea dive."
"It was nothing like that!"
"You should've seen them, Snooks, she was all over him. I think she needs that video from Futurama where they try to warn Fry about getting involved with the Lucy Liu-bot, but he won't listen. That way she won't try to mat with a robot."
"I hate you two," Shane said.
"Oh come on, Shane we're happy for you," Chris said. "I would say the transformation is coming along nicely, wouldn't you, Stephers?"
"Oh yes, Dr. Snooks, quite nicely," Stephanie said, rubbing her chin. "The subject has now been paired with a female of the species and he seems to have taken quite a liking to her. To further study this behavior, we have to observe the creature in his natural habitat, a date with the female of the species."
"You are not going on my date or spying on it either!" Shane told them.
"Aha! The subject is going out with the girl," Stephanie said, grinning up at Chris. "We should double date sometime."
"God, double dating with you would be a nightmare. We'd go out to dinner and end up in Nova Scotia or something."
"Yes, yes, we would," Stephanie said, "but it would be the best damn trip you've ever had to Nova Scotia in your life. We're happy for you, Shane, you've found a make-out buddy. You can put the volleyball with the face on it away."
"I thought he just made it look like Wilson from that movie, the one with Tom Hanks."
"Big?"
"No, you know the one."
"Philadelphia?"
"No."
"Bosom Buddies?"
"Okay, now you're just naming TV shows, the Castaway one, what was that one called."
"Castaway."
"Oh," Chris said.
"And no, I'm pretty sure it was the face."
"There was no volleyball."
"Too big," Stephanie whispered, "Maybe a football."
"But what about the shape?" he whispered back.
"If it worked for Arnold, it could work for him," she whispered again.
"I'm right here, you guys," Shane said. "I liked Emma and I'm going to be taking her out and you two will stay 1000 feet away from us at all times, no spying, no bugging our cars--"
"Quick, get them before he destroys them!" Stephanie told Chris as he bit his hand like he was in fear of that happening.
"No nothing. You're just going to let us go out."
"Now tell me, Shane, have you ever been out with a lady before?" Stephanie asked.
"I've been on dates, Stephanie, thank you for asking," Shane said, that familiar feeling burning into his cheeks. Of course he'd dated before. He just hadn't liked or loved any of the girls he dated enough to get married, that was all. There was a lot of pressure on him by his parents to get married and it was starting to get him a little hot under the collar. He probably didn't have the experience dating that Chris or Stephanie did, but he dated.
"No, I mean, the women you've been out with, let me say…how do I say this?"
"Their noses are so turned up they're using them for the ski jump competition in the next winter Olympics?" Chris supplied for her.
"Perfect 10," Stephanie said, then laughed heartily. "The girls you've been with were snobs, plain and simple. I would say bitches, but that's really just an insult to female dogs and I will not sully the name of Sammy's mother!"
"They haven't been…"
"See, you can't even say that convincingly. I'm just saying that Emma is different, she's cool, she's not going to be like those other girls and we want you to be prepared for that, Shane. This could be your life-changing moment, like mine when I spilled hot chocolate all over Chris."
"It was a life-changing moment for me too," Chris said. "I'd never had a boiling hot liquid poured on me before, that's not something you forget easily."
"You're putting too much stock into this, what do you think is going to happen, Stephanie?" Shane asked. Stephanie looked at him for a moment, then looked at Chris, then looked back at Shane.
"Don't you already see it, Shane?"
"See what?"
"You're a new man."
