James was so happy that lily was back out of the hospital wing. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed seeing her throughout the day. Just being able to glance over in one of their classes and see her sitting there hunched over feverishly taking notes the way she did with her thick hair falling all in front of her face. After their next couple classes james and lily headed to the dining hall together, their hands linked firmly together. James had insisted that he carry her bag once he had seen her wincing every time it bumped into her side.
As soon as they walked into the hall under the archway lily squealed- something james had never heard her do before- and ran across the room to marlene, mary, and alice. He smiled and followed after her. As he walked up he heard snippets of their conversation like "why didn't you tell us you got out of the hospital wing today!" and "how do you feel?". At least it wasn't just him that lily had kept in the dark about her recovery. He wasn't mad. No- just the opposite. This morning james was the happiest he had been in weeks. His chest had warmed and his stomach seized up in that wonderful way it always did when he saw her, but this time it had been so much better. All he had wanted in the whole world was to kiss her right then and there, but alas there were rules against that sort of thing and he had to try to avoid detentions now that he was head boy. This whole responsibility thing sure was annoying.
He walked closer to the group
"Oh, hi, James! Did you know lily got out of the hospital wing today? Because she didn't tell us." alice asked aiming an accusatory glare at lily. Being so bubbly was out of character for alice.
"Believe me i had no idea," he smiled and readjusted one of the bags on his shoulder that was beginning to slip. It had certainly been a welcome surprise, though.
"Well i didn't want anyone to make a big deal of it!" lily exclaimed as the girls began protesting her secrecy again
"Big deal! Lily, you had all your ribs broken! At once!" marlene yelled
"You think i don't know that." lily laughed but james saw her eyes darken just a little bit.
"Hey, lils," he had been standing behind her and he tapped her on the shoulder "i was thinking you and i could sneak some food out down to the lake for lunch." she looked hesitant "come on it'll be nice. We could sit under that big tree you like so much and if you want i'll even help you study or some rubbish that you seem to find fun." she chewed her lip as she pondered
"It is a tad loud in here…" she conceded
…[...[]...]...
Not even ten minutes later lily and james sat under a large oak down by the lake. There were a few other students but they were nothing compared to all the masses inside.
They had quite a spread around them. They had grabbed a large cloth napkin each and filled them with rolls and fruit and such and brought them down next to the murky water.
"So," james turned to lily who had been taking small bites off a block of cheese "tell me. How are you really holding up?" she took a moment
"Really?" she asked and he nodded. She paused again and james was beginning to think she wasn't going to answer when she said
"Not too good, james." he waited to see if she would continue "i don't know what to think. I'm so happy to be here and all but there are so many bad memories…" he nodded. He understood what she meant
"severus yelling at me and telling me i'm a mudblood," james felt a huge stab of guilt. Technically speaking that incident had been his fault. lily pulled her knees up to her chest and she looked so raw and vulnerable that james wanted to cry for a moment
"what happened last year with him and lucius," she continued on. james remembered that all too well. Sometimes he still woke up in the middle of the night hearing her sobs
"and now this." she shook her head and looked at him with tears in her eyes "i want to be strong, james. I want so bad to be the girl that people look up to and admire but sometimes i just- i don't know if i can. What is all this getting me? My own sister thinks i'm a freak and what are good grades when you're a walking target for death eaters?" james reached over and gently pulled her against his chest. She curled into him and he could swear part of his heart broke when he felt her body convulse in a sob.
"Lily. oh, lily," he said quietly as he hugged her tighter "if only you knew how much people loved you. You're looked up to and respected and you're so strong. I spend most of my time wondering how you do it. People insult you and try to bring you down and every day you seem to get stronger and smarter and i don't know anyone else with even half your courage, lily evans." she curled into him a little more and james rested his cheek on the top of her head. he couldn't help but feel a tear escape his own eye. This was the most amazing girl in the world and she had to live in a constant fear. She had to live with the knowledge she could be attacked or killed at any moment. Her own sister hated her and yet she got out of bed every morning.
As james held lily against him professor mcgonagall was walking from one part of the castle into another. Her transfiguration class was about to start, which was both james and lily's next class but when she saw the two of them by the lake, lily evans clinging to james potter as if he was life itself and james holding her like if he let go for even a second she would slip away, she decided she would let them miss her class. Just this once. Because the world shakes when a gryffindor cries.
