Note: I do not own or have rights to Twilight or its characters. That material is the intellectual property of its creator.
Chapter 29
My Lion
"I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you." ~Aslan~
The Horse and His Boy, Chronicles of Narnia
C.S. Lewis
"Easy now, Kitten, you've done exceptional well thus far. I'm very proud of you." I heard Papa whisper over the din of the raging inferno that roared in my ears. His voice was as soothing as cool water in the face of the flames that raged through every cell in my body. "We're almost done, honey, I promise this will be the last of it."
Almost done, I whimpered, what could be more torturous that the flames that already consumed me. Ben told me once that he knew people who had the occasion to meet Saint Joan of Arc when she was alive. I reminded him of Joan, he said. I certainly felt like her now … at the moment when the English tied her to the stake and set her body alight.
A weight slammed suddenly into my chest followed instantly by a deep, sharp, stabbing pain. As a human, I'd known untold physical insults and by my estimation, this was what it must feel like to be shot, point blank, in the chest with a small caliber hand gun. I heard myself scream over the roaring of the blaze that burned in my ears; God, Papa, would it never end?
"Papa it hurts, please … stop" I tried to mutter, but my mouth and tongue refused to form the words. What came out was a pitiful, unintelligible whimper. I felt the sharpness pierce the wall of my straining heart, and then hell fire exploded in the center of my chest. The ever seeking fingers of venom induce flame invaded every fiber of the thumping organ; clutching and then releasing as it did battle with the very core of my humanness.
"Make it stop Papa, please make it stop." My pleaded words from a year ago in Peru came back to my remembering. This is what you wanted … this is the agony you invited. "He that dare not grasp the thorns … should never crave the rose," I heard Ben's gentle chastisement over the raging of the flames. I wanted to cry, to sob, but all I could manage was a moan followed by more piteous whimpering.
The inferno raged everywhere now, there was no reprieve from its searing white hot touch. There was no place within me to hide from the pain and no escape from the defining roar that filled my ears. My thoughts fled before the advancing flames like animals in the path of forest fire, seeking shelter in the deepest and furthest recesses of my mind. All that was left of me … all that was left of Sarah huddled in this small cramped place watching doom approach in the guise of painful glowing tongues of flame.
"Come to me," the lion's roar echoed above the raging inferno.
Before I knew what was happening, I found myself standing at one end of a long dark passageway. Behind me, I could still hear the raging fire that was devouring my humanity … the flames that would make me immortal again. The passageway was cool; in this place my pain was a dull and distant memory. A little ways in front of me, there was a hole in the ceiling of the passageway. The oculus allowed a single wide shaft of golden light to stream in and wash over the surfaces below it. He stood there, in the shaft of light, appraising me with glowing amber eyes.
"Come to me," he roared again as his words played gently through my mind.
After a moment's hesitation, I approached my Lion. My steps were slow and measured and it seemed to take forever before I found myself standing just an arms span in front of him. He was far more massive than I first realized; even seated on his haunches, his head towered several feet above my own.
"Stretch out your hand," his command came on a purr instead of a roar this time.
Tentatively I stretched out my right hand. To my amazement, Lion lowered his great golden head and positioned his nose under my palm. I could feel his short bristly fur against my sensitive skin. His gentle breath rippled the thin fabric of my hospital gown.
"Sarah," he whispered as his purr continued to rumble in my mind, "my Sarah."
I lost all control then; all the nagging fears that had haunted my thoughts in the days preceding my re-transformation clawed their way up from the depths of me. I began to weep
"Don't leave me … please, please don't leave me … please …"
My hand slid off his nose as I dropped to my knees in a mass of uncontrollable tears. My mind played through every time I'd felt Lion within me; every comforting touch, every encouraging purr, every fearsome roar that imparted the courage I needed to fight the good fight.
"Don't leave me," I muttered again through my tears.
"Sarah," he whispered and I felt him rub the side of his massive head against my shoulder in the same affectionate manor that I often rubbed against Papa. "This has been your fear," he continued as he lay down beside me, "that after your return to immortality, I would abandon you … that you would never know my presence again … or be able to merge your spirit with mine."
I nodded as I curled up against him, nestling myself into the thick fur of his mane.
"Do you remember the day when I chose you Sarah," he asked quietly.
"The day in the forest," I stammered weekly, "when my vision shifted, and I saw you atop the cliff and you roared at me … the day I first became the lion."
"No," he corrected as a gentle chuckle played through his purr, "that was the first day your spirit fully merged with mine … for that is what it truly means to 'phase' as your Quileute friends call it. They are chosen by Wolf when they are young. When they are old enough, their spirit merges with the spirit of Wolf and they phase for the first time. I'm afraid the true significance of this most sacred mystery has been lost to them. They do not truly know Wolf. Instead they revel in his gift without understanding what they have been given."
Lion gave a sad sigh that tugged heavily at my heart. At the stirring of my sorrow, his purring became louder and my sadness subsided.
"The day I chose you," he continued, "was the day you lay blind and bleeding on the floor of your parent's home while you listened as a monster slaughter your family. Don't you remember; my purring soothed your fear and my roar infused you with the will to escape."
My mind tumbled back in time to that dreadful day. Lion's revelation became evident; I could hear him in my memory soothing me even as he urged me to crawl out the screen door and into the night.
"I planed your rescue by moving Skeeter and Vincent to search for you and take you to safety," he continued. "I watched over you as you grew, and protected you through the actions of others when necessity mandated it. I put you into the keeping of Carlisle and his family, though sadly, it cost you the lives of your Aunt and your two most trusted friends. I was there when Cane threatened your life; I imparted my strength to you so that you could face him and emboldened you with my courage so that you could vanquish him. You are mine Sarah … my chosen one."
"You honor me," I spoke softly into the silky strands of his mane. Though I knew it was inadequate, my mind couldn't find any other word to say.
His rich chuckle filled my mind again, "I know the depths of your heart Sarah; words are unnecessary."
"Then you won't leave me?" I asked hopefully.
"That is the matter for which I've called you here," his tone was still gentle but his purring was laced with solemnness. "Up until now, I have chosen you. Today you must choose me … or not. But have a care Sarah; nothing ever comes without a price."
I felt my brows knit together; hadn't I chose him already … hadn't I begged him not to leave.
"Those were the innocent pleadings of a child Sarah," he soothed. "They moved me deeply … beyond my ability to express in kind to you. Today, however, a conscious choice must be made … one that will affect you future."
"Ok," I swallowed hard, if he wanted to hear the words then I would say them. "I chose …"
"NO," his roar filled my mind. "Not yet, child" he spoke more kindly this time. "First you must hear the whole of it … as I said; there is a price to be paid."
When I remained silent under the blanket of his silky mane, he continued his discourse.
"If you chose that I should stay with you, when you awaken from your transformation, things will be as they were before. You will be a vampire once more and you will possess all the unique talents that you've always known … including your ability to merge your spirit with mine by phasing into your feline form. However this will come at a cost … you will remain blind.
"If you chose to release me, you will regain your sight as a newly made vampire. You will retain some of your gifts including your uniquely sensitive hearing, the ability to control the volume of your thoughts and, of course, the ability to project those thoughts. However … you will lose your sound vision … and you will also lose your ability to phase.
"Regardless of your decision, please know that there will never be any enmity between us, nor will there be any enmity between you and the Creator." He paused and then added softly, "I will always love you Sarah … my Sarah."
His purr continued to rumble soothingly through my mind as I snuggled even deeper into the fur of his mane. Beyond the confines of this safe space I could hear the venom fueled inferno as it continued to wage hellish war on the remnants of my human body. When I awakened I would be immortal once more. It could be argued that my return to vampirism was thrust upon me, that I had no choice in the matter but that was a falsehood. I did have a choice; life as a vampire with the people I cared about or a mortal death. Now Lion was giving me yet another choice to make. Which gift did I value more; my sight or my connection to him … I could have one or the other, but not both.
"Papa and Benjamin will be disappointed," I murmured.
"That is likely true," Lion purred.
"Then you already know my choice."
"Yes," he answered. "I have always known the desires of your heart Sarah however, it is still necessary for you to give voice to your decision."
I unwrapped myself from the comforting blanket of his mane and stood up. When I turned to face him, he was seated on his haunches once more. His amber eyes looked down lovingly at me as he waited for me to speak.
"I chose you," I managed as an enormous lump formed in my throat. "I would rather have your presence in my life for all eternity that to have ten thousand pairs of eyes to see with. To know you is to know the love of the Creator. Please stay with me." I was sobbing again as I finished.
I felt his great golden head press against my chest, the thrum of his purr vibrated through my whole being. "You are mine Sarah … and now I am yours."
"You are … my Lion," I managed.
"And you … are my Sarah."
