A huge thank you to the two Guest reviewers, and to Tess and Michelle, too. Your words are so kind and encourage me, greatly!
And apologies if the Sindarin in this chapter is incorrect. Feel free to correct me if it's wrong. :)
Chapter 29 - 'Til We Meet Again
Lynwen could only stare back at him in stunned silence. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. He had bonded himself to her? What did that mean for him? What did it mean for them? Was he now doomed to die when she would?
A mixture of emotions began to surge through her; shock, anger, worry, dread. How could he allow this to happen? How could he do something so life changing for the two of them without discussing it with her first?
She slowly sat up, firmly holding the bed sheet to her naked chest, as she stared at the wall on the opposite side of the room. "How can you say that this doesn't affect me?" Lynwen asked in a quiet but cold voice, her back still to Legolas. "Isn't it now likely that you'll die when I do? How can you put that sort of guilt on me, without discussing it with me first?!" Her voice was now raised as her anger began to come to the forefront of her emotions. She twisted her upper body to look at him sitting beside her. "I can't believe you've done this to yourself, Legolas! You've given yourself a death sentence!" Lynwen got up off the bed, firmly holding the sheet to her naked body as she frantically began to search for her discarded clothes.
Legolas instantly panicked at her reaction and at the fact that it looked like she was planning to leave, and he scrambled up off the bed, too. "Lynwen, please." He begged as he strode over to her, still completely naked himself, and grabbed a hold of her upper arm in his attempt to stop her from leaving.
But Lynwen shrugged him off of her. "No, Legolas!" She shouted as she proceeded to pick up her strewn clothes from the floor. "I can't talk to you right now." She said before heading for her adjoining bathroom.
But Legolas wasn't going to let her walk away from him. Not now. Not after they had just made the most beautiful kind of love to each other. He just couldn't!
He strode after her and firmly grabbed a hold of her upper arms, pushing her up against the bedroom wall, and startling her into a stunned silence. He viciously snatched her clothes from her with one of his hands and threw them onto the floor behind him. "Lynwen, listen to me." He said sternly, causing Lynwen to look at him shocked, making her unable to remember a time when he had ever been so forceful with her. He seemed oblivious to the fact that he was still completely naked, or maybe he just didn't care, as his ice-blue eyes stared into hers with an intensity that trapped her in his glare and made her breath hitch.
"Lynwen." He exhaled, his chest rapidly rising up and down as he attempted to get his breathing under control. "I'm sorry I didn't speak to you about it before, but I honestly thought I had my feelings for you under control." He said with desperation in his voice. "But when I saw you packing your bag in Mirkwood the day that you left with Aragorn, I was truly devastated. And consequently, I lost the fight with my emotions."
Lynwen narrowed her eyes at his words. "Mirkwood?" She asked barely above a whisper as she tried to process what he'd just said. "You mean this happened back in March?"
Legolas' steely eyes continued to hold her gaze, as he slowly nodded his head. "It was something that happened beyond my control, Lynwen, and has only intensified since we reunited here, in Imladris." He released his grip on her arms and placed the palms of his hands on the wall either side of her head, dropping his own head between his shoulders, breathing hard and fast as he looked down at the floor. "So even if I had spoken to you beforehand, Lynwen, it still wouldn't have stopped this bond from forming." He lifted his head back up and looked her directly in the eyes. "I'm so sorry if you feel pressurised in any way by my admission, Lynwen. That certainly wasn't my intention at all. But please believe me when I say that this doesn't affect you in any way. You are in no way obliged to stand by me."
A heavy silence fell between them as Legolas dropped his head between his shoulders and looked down at the floor again, deflated. His upper back was rising up and down rapidly, clearly displaying his erratic and heavy breathing. And Lynwen noticed how the muscles in his arms were tensed tight, twitching and flexing from the mixture of emotions he was clearly feeling, as he continued to keep her boxed in. Trapped.
She continued to look at his tense shoulders for a number of seconds, thinking about which of her millions of questions she should ask him first. But there was one question that stuck out amongst all the rest, just begging to be asked.
"Does this mean that we're married?"
Lynwen's quiet question caused Legolas to lift his head back up to look at her. He just stared at her while he tried to think about what she had just asked him. Could an elven bond be mutually formed between an elf and a human? He honestly had no idea. He knew for sure that his soul was bonded to hers, but was it possible for hers to be able to bond to him? Was it enough that it was only his soul that was tied in to be able to refer to her as his wife? Or did they both need to be bonded for an elven marriage to become valid?
"I don't know." He eventually said through an exhale. "I think for us to be married in that way, your soul would need to be bonded to mine, as well. And I don't know if that's possible for a human."
Lynwen thought about his words for a moment. "How would I know if my soul was bonded to yours?"
Legolas looked to the side, staring aimlessly at nothing, his brow furrowed. "It's hard to explain. It's something you just know. Something you just feel deep inside of you. It's like the person that you're bonded to, almost becomes a part of you. You can feel their emotions inside of you, enabling you to share in their pain and happiness." He shook his head as he looked downwards. "It's hard to explain." He sighed, allowing a silence to fall between them.
"Legolas?" Lynwen said, causing Legolas to lift his head again to look at her.
"I think I know what you're talking about. I think I've felt this, bond thing, myself."
Legolas' eyes began to rapidly search hers for more information, as a mixture of panic and hope enveloped him. "What do you mean?"
"Well," Lynwen began. "When we were in my Mirkwood chambers the day I left, back when you said your bond first began to form, I remember being able to feel this strange alien sensation within me. I could feel this intense emotional pain in my heart, but somehow, I just knew that it wasn't my own pain that I was experiencing. It was yours."
Legolas' eyes widened at her declaration. "You could feel what I was feeling?" He asked in disbelief.
Lynwen nodded her head. "And that hasn't been the only time." She continued. "There was also another moment when we were saying our goodbyes at the Forest Gate in Mirkwood. And also during the night that we kissed for the first time, a couple of months ago. And tonight, well..." Lynwen's cheeks began to flush a little red. "... well, I felt you much more intensely than I ever have in the past. Emotionally, I mean! Well, physically too, of course... um... well, you know what I mean." She quickly added, looking down at the floor in embarrassment.
Legolas only continued to stare at her in stunned silence. What Lynwen had just described, sounded exactly like a bond of some sort. But she's a human. Was it possible for her to bond herself to him? Wasshe in fact, already bonded to him? And if so, did it have the same intensity as his? Could she fade if something was to happen to him?
"What are you thinking?" Lynwen asked. "Is it a bad thing that I can feel your emotions?" Lynwen was highly confused, and still very much riled by the whole thing.
Legolas' eyes instantly softened and lit up with the huge smile that quickly spread across his face. "No, Lynwen." He said with a slight shake of his head. "It's a wonderful thing! Don't you see?" He brought down his hands from the wall and entwined his fingers with hers, lovingly stroking her skin with his thumb. "We're bonded to each other. Our souls have connected in a way that makes us unbreakable!" His grip on her hands tightened in his excitement. "We're soul mates now. Bound to one another for all eternity!"
"Except, I won't be around 'for all eternity'." Lynwen dryly remarked, feeling her anger towards Legolas returning drastically. Even though he had explained that this bond had formed through no fault of his own, a part of her still suspected that he could have tried a bit harder to prevent it. Hell, elves had relationships and jumped into bed with each other all the time, but that didn't mean that they were then automatically bound to one another. No. It was something that was talked about and mutually agreed upon between the parties involved before a bond was formed. So why should her and Legolas be any different?
But Legolas didn't seem to pick up on Lynwen's solemn mood and smart remark, only smiling even wider as he suddenly embraced her in a tight hug, holding her firmly to his chest as he nestled his cheek upon the top of her head. "I can't believe we're actually married!"
Neither could Lynwen. This was all happening too fast. She loved Legolas, of course, but she was now bound to him? And it had all happened without her even realising it! Yet Legolas had known about his own bond all along and hadn't said anything!
She felt cheated. Lied to. Tricked, even. She needed to get out of there. She felt suffocated suddenly, and desperately needed some air.
She pushed herself out of Legolas' embrace and silently moved around him, picking up her clothes again from the bedroom floor.
"What's wrong?" Legolas asked, confused.
Lynwen stood upright after bending down to retrieve her clothes and sighed deeply. Her back was still turned to him when she began to speak. "Married, Legolas? Really?" She said as she turned to face him.
Legolas only continued to look at her with confusion etched into his features.
"Don't you see how messed up that is?!" She asked furiously. "I have sex with some guy, and then find out afterwards that I'm now married to him?!" She shouted.
Legolas remained silent, trying hard not to show how much Lynwen's harsh words were cutting him up inside.
"Well, it's not right Legolas! I should have had a say in this. I mean, please forgive my naivety, but I thought couples usually at least talked about and agreed upon marriage beforehand. And I'm pretty sure one half of the couple doesn't usually find themselves tricked into a marriage after believing that them having sex was just that; having sex, and nothing more!"
Legolas gulped hard as he tried to suppress the hurt that Lynwen was causing him. "Is that all it was to you, tonight?" He asked in a quiet voice. "Just sex?"
Lynwen only stared back at him, knowing that that wasn't true. Tonight had been truly magical for her. But her anger was keeping her stubbornness at the forefront of her emotions, forcing her to remain silent as she only looked back at him.
Legolas took a deep breath after no response came from Lynwen, bending down to retrieve his breeches before eagerly sliding them on. "Regardless of what you think, Lynwen, I didn't trick you into this marriage. It's as much of a surprise for me as it is for you." He said as he buttoned up his fly. He looked at her again while he dropped his arms to his sides in defeat as he saw the defiant look upon her face. "You have to believe me Lynwen." He pleaded. "I had no control over this, I swear that to you!"
But another alarming thought came to Lynwen at that moment, overshadowing this current predicament that they had both found themselves in. If Legolas had had no control over this bond forming, then what else did he possibly not have any control over?
"Legolas?" Lynwen's voice was now shaking from nervousness. "Please tell me I'm not pregnant." She said, referring to the unique ability of the elves to be able to dictate when they or their partners will become pregnant.
Legolas could only continue to stare at her with sadness in his eyes for a number of silent moments before he slowly began shaking his head. "You're not pregnant, Lynwen." He said in a confident, but quiet and pained sounding voice.
But Lynwen only narrowed her eyes. "How can you be so sure, Legolas? I mean, you said yourself that you had no control over our bond forming. So who's to say that you also couldn't prevent yourself from impregnating me?"
Legolas cringed at her use of words. "You make it sound so cold, Lynwen. So... clinical." He shook his head in disgust. "Would it have been such a bad thing if you were pregnant? I thought we were in this for the long term, Lynwen? I thought we were in love?!"
"We are!" Lynwen implored. "But I think it's a bit soon in our relationship to start planning a family."
"But we've known each other for eight years, Lynwen!" Legolas threw his hands up in exasperation, causing Lynwen to remain silent as she only continued to look back at him.
Yes they had known each other for eight years, but she had only been in love with him for a number of months, and for her, it was too soon. The bond. The marriage. The casual way in which Legolas was talking of children. All of it was happening too fast for her.
"I didn't want it to be like this." He suddenly said, gesturing his arms up in the air. "I've dreamt about this night so many times, Lynwen, for so many years." He gave a sarcastic breathy laugh. "I can't even begin to tell you how many times over the years I'd thought that I might've actually died from the pain in my heart at how much I love you." He looked into her eyes with obvious pain shining in his as his shoulders slumped and his arms flopped to his sides, utterly crushed. He took a deep breath. "I know this is not how a bond or marriage of any sort should be formed, I recognise that. And I'm sorry that it was sprung on you like this. I appreciate that I've had time to adjust to this bond, whereas you haven't, and for that, I can't apologise enough. But, we're in love, Lynwen. We've been so close for eight years, and we're no strangers to each other. I know in my heart that I would have bonded myself to you at some point in the near future anyway, so can't we just be happy about this?" He pleaded.
Lynwen just looked down to the floor as she contemplated what was happening, causing Legolas to quickly stride over to her and grab her face in his hands. "Look at me." He demanded, his eyes frantically searching her face before she finally met his stare. "You are the most important person in my life, Lynwen, and your happiness is my utmost priority." His grip tightened on her face as his eyes bored into hers with an intensity that showed how petrified he was of losing her.
But Lynwen only stepped back from his hold, forcing his hands to remain suspended in mid-air as his expression stopped trying to hide the fear that he was feeling.
"I'm sorry, Legolas. I can't do this." She said, turning away from him and hurrying into her bathroom, swiftly locking the door behind her.
Legolas just stared at the closed door in shock. How had the most perfect evening turned into his worst nightmare in a matter of minutes? 'I can't do this'? What had she meant by that? Was she ending it with him?
"Lynwen!" Legolas called out as he strode over to the bathroom door. "Lynwen please, let's talk about this!" He said through the closed door as he hopelessly wriggled the door knob in his attempt to open it.
But there was no response from the other side.
"Lynwen, please." Legolas splayed his hands on the wall as he leant his forehead against the door. With his elven hearing, he was able to take in the sounds of her laboured breathing and her frantically beating heart; a frantically beating heart that he was also able to feel within his own chest. Through their bond her fear, panic, anger and utter confusion was coursing through his own veins, making him feel completely helpless at that moment. All he wanted was to take her into his arms and show her that she had no reason to fear this bond, that he would never allow any harm or unhappiness to touch her again. But this blasted door was keeping him from her. Preventing him from making her see that all was now as it should be. That now was all as it should have always been. She should have always been with him!
He considered breaking the door down when she refused to answer him, but quickly realised that that would probably only fuel her unease of the whole situation.
He slid his hands down the wall until they flopped at his sides, staring at the closed door with hopelessness in his eyes. How had it come to this? Just minutes before, they had been making love like they were the only two people in the world; the only people who mattered in each other's lives. And now, it could all possibly be over?
No. Legolas wasn't going to allow that. He couldn't! He'd simply die if that was to happen, he was sure. But regardless, he knew deep down that giving Lynwen some time alone to adjust to this shock was the best thing at that moment. She just needed some time alone to take in this unexpected bond, assuring himself that she would be embracing their newfound marriage by morning. And then, he would convince her not to travel to Gondor.
But still wanting nothing more than to hold her in his arms at that moment and never let go, he had to force himself to turn away from the bathroom door and quietly exit her chambers, grabbing his tunic on his way out.
xxx
At sunrise, Lynwen was just finishing getting dressed after one of the worst night's sleep of her life. All she could think about was what had transpired with Legolas the night before, and at how they were now married! Bonded forever! It was all too much to try to take in. Especially when she was still secretly harbouring deep feelings for Elrohir.
She mentally kicked herself for allowing her brother to still have such a strong hold over her heart. Why couldn't she just stop loving him? It would certainly make everything a hell of a lot easier right now.
A knock sounded on her bedroom door just as she finished wrapping her thick woollen cloak around her shoulders. She looked to the closed door knowing that it was probably someone else who was going to try to convince her not to leave, which put her in a defensive mood immediately. There was no way that she was going to be talked out of this. She needed to get away from Rivendell as soon as possible, and desperately needed to be away from Elrohir if she was ever going to be able to stand a chance of getting over her love for him.
She walked across her room and took a deep breath as she braced herself for the inevitable confrontation. But her heart quite literally stopped for a second after she opened her door, only to find Elrohir standing there.
He was nervously shifting his feet on the ground as his hands remained rooted deep in his pockets, as if he was afraid what they might do if he allowed them out.
"Hey." Was all he could muster in a quiet voice, a small nervous smile on his face.
But Lynwen didn't reply, not really knowing what to say. She hadn't really spoken to Elrohir since that particular night when he had shunned her on the evening of the welcome party, a few months previous. It was clear that he had been avoiding her ever since, usually turning and walking in the opposite direction if he ever saw her approaching.
So seeing him standing here now was a great shock.
"Can I come in?" He asked, breaking the awkward silence between them.
After a moment of uncertainty Lynwen nodded as she stepped aside, allowing him to enter.
Elrohir slowly walked in, hesitantly making his way across the room. "It's been many years since I was last in here." He said nostalgically as he walked to the centre of her bedroom. "It hasn't changed a bit." He said as he looked around. "And you still have those lime green curtains, I see! I remember you picking those out!" He said with a slight chuckle.
Lynwen slowly and quietly closed her bedroom door and walked to where he was standing, still completely bewildered as to what he was doing here after months of shunning her. And his reminiscing of her room, like they were old buddies who had simply lost touch, was only adding to her confusion.
But frustratingly for her, his mere presence was having a traitorous effect on her heart, causing it to ache painfully as she still secretly longed for him. Just looking at his tall, lithe figure standing there, with his long jet-black hair hanging freely and cascading rather messily down his back, made her want to reach out and touch him. She missed their relationship so much, missed what they used to have together. They were unbreakable for so long. Even when she had been a child, their relationship was solid. Why did he have to go and ruin it!? Why did he have to destroy what they had had!? Damn him! And damn these bloody feelings of love and resentment, every time she was near him!
His stare had come to rest on the far side of her room, his body still and tense. He stared at that spot for a number of silent moments, seemingly getting lost in another time or place. "And I remember the day that we broke that mirror." He said with a small smile on his fair face, gesturing toward what was left of her vanity table. His smile wasn't hiding the pain that was evident in his grey eyes as he continued to gaze at the small rickety table. "I kept meaning to get that fixed for you..." He said, the small smile now faded to nothing but a grim and saddened expression upon his face. "...But, I just couldn't bring myself to come back in here again after I came back from the north." He abruptly broke his stare on the far side of the room and looked down to the floor.
Lynwen knew she shouldn't be encouraging this conversation to progress any further, but she just couldn't help herself. "Why?" She asked in a small voice.
Elrohir looked up from the floor and gazed into her eyes with so much grief and torment displayed in his own. "Because it would have been too painful, Lynwen."
They gazed at each other for a number of moments, both of them desperate to say so many things to each other, but with neither one of them quite having the confidence to do so. The tension in the room could be felt like bolts of electricity firing through the air, making their heart rates increase and for the hairs on their arms to stand on end. The connection between them was still as strong as ever, pulling at their very souls in its desperate attempt to reunite them physically and emotionally.
"Why would it have been too painful?" Lynwen asked barely above a whisper.
Elrohir's shoulders slumped slightly as he exhaled long and slow. "Because I was trying to move on from you, Lynwen." He run a hand through his rather tangled hair, revealing his face much more clearly, and in doing so, displayed the dark circles under his eyes and the greying of his sallow-looking skin. He looked ill. Weak. Defeated. "The love that I felt for you... that I still feel for you... scared the hell out of me. The pain I experienced when Raina, and then my mother, left, was truly unbearable, and I... I was petrified of getting hurt again." He looked into her eyes, his own seemingly begging for her to understand. "I was a coward, Lynwen. And I panicked. And I've never been sorrier. Not only for the hurt that I know I caused you, but also because I fear that you may now never want to come back to me."
Lynwen was speechless. All she could do was to stare back at him, fighting back the emotional tears that were stinging the back of her eyes. By the Valar, how she loved him so much. How she craved for his familiar touch, and the safety and belonging she had always felt when she had been in his arms. How she longed for those deep grey eyes to gaze at her with their usual mischief and utter devotion he had always shown towards her in the past.
But now, those same grey eyes only ever looked at her with pain, regret, and sadness. And it was something that disturbed and upset her, greatly. He was a mixed-up guy who had deep-rooted issues that he had been struggling to contend with for hundreds of years. She knew deep in her heart that his love for her was as real as the despair that was now in his eyes, and wished more than anything that she could stay to repair their shattered relationship; the very relationship that had made her see at just how much it were possible to truly and deeply love someone.
But she had Legolas to think about now. She was also deeply in love with the blond prince, and knew, despite her unhappiness at their surprise bond, that she needed to try to make things work between them. And she had to be away from Elrohir in order for that to happen, hoping that her strong feelings for the black-haired lord would eventually dissipate over time.
Elrohir sighed in defeat as his shoulders slumped slightly, clearly distraught at Lynwen's silence. He continued to stare at her, finding himself unable to bring his gaze away from her face. She had changed so much, he thought to himself. Gone was that young, carefree eighteen year old whom he had fallen madly in love with all those years ago. Now, she was a woman who not only had changed in appearance, but in personality, too. She wasn't really carefree anymore, seeming much more introvert and cautious, instead. Her looks were cold and harsh, and her stance was always positioned like she was prepared for a fight at any moment. He knew how much of a hostile environment Mirkwood was to reside in, with its residents simply surviving as apposed to living. And the thought that the woman he would happily die for had suffered for eight years there, turning her into this detached and emotionally distant warrior standing in front of him, completely destroyed him. He had failed her. He had failed to protect the most important person who had ever entered his long life. And he would suffer that guilt for the rest of eternity - if he didn't fade from his slowly-breaking heart beforehand.
But now he had a chance to make some amends. Now he had a chance to protect her like he knew he should have all those years ago.
"Lynwen, I don't want you to leave."
Lynwen immediately opened her mouth to protest, but was silenced by Elrohir walking up to her and coming to a standstill directly in front of her. His tall lithe frame towered over her as he stared into her eyes with some sort of determination, his jaw set and clenching slightly.
"Lynwen, it's not safe out there. You haven't seen what's lurking throughout Middle Earth, willing to wipe out anything, or anyone, that stands in its way. You could be killed!" He said in a slightly broken voice, his eyes now only showing his fear for her safety. He looked down to the floor for a few moments. "I know that you are only leaving Imladris to be away from me." He said slowly, his brow furrowed as if the words were paining him. "Please..." He looked up and met her stare again. "Allow me to go in your stead, Lynwen. You stay here, where I know you will be safe, and I will leave." He offered desperately.
Lynwen just stared back at him as she tried to work out how she wanted to respond. She suddenly felt unsure of her plans. Of herself, even! Elrohir was confusing her, clouding her better judgment like he always did, and always had. His presence, alone, was making her question her plans to leave. And his current close proximity to her was putting her emotions into turmoil. How could she admit to him that she didn't want to leave him, but that she needed to? How could she admit to him that she still loved him desperately, but that she was also deeply in love with his good friend? She had been so sure of herself right up until Elrohir showed up a few minutes ago, knowing that her lack of any sort of interaction with him over the past few months had helped her to stay, somewhat, focused on Legolas.
But now he was unknowingly disrupting her focus, sending her feelings into a frenzy. She just had to be away from him, and from any reminders of him!
"No, Ro. I have to leave. I need to be away from this place..."
"Then I'll escort you." He interrupted firmly.
But Lynwen only shook her head as she helplessly locked onto his grey eyes. "No, I... I need to do this alone." Her eyes started to betray her harsh facade as they began to water slightly. "Please, just... let me go." She pleaded in a hoarse whisper.
But Elrohir's expression didn't change from its determined glare. "I won't give up on us, Lynwen." He said. "I can't give up on us. You're my life, my only reason for living and breathing, and I won't give up until we're back together. As we should be." He gazed into her eyes with a confidence that she hadn't seen in him for months. "I'll give you more space if that's what you need." He took a deep breath before sighing deeply and slowly. "And, reluctantly, I'll allow you to leave Imladris." He said hesitantly. "But then I will come and find you, Lynwen. And I will continue to fight for us." He took a hold of her hand and tentatively stroked her fingers with his thumb. "We're meant for each other, Little One, I know that for a fact. And I know that you know it, too."
Lynwen remained speechless, not knowing what to say to that. Everything he had just said felt so right, but she had to remain strong. She loved Legolas so much as well, and wanted to make their relationship work. She had to leave Rivendell, and leave Elrohir if she wanted her relationship with the blond prince to prevail and prosper.
She reluctantly pulled her hand away from Elrohir's comforting hold and took a deep breath, hoping it would give her the courage she needed to end this once and for all.
"Ro, I... I'm sorry but... I don't want to see you again." She lied, hoping her quivering voice wasn't revealing her true feelings. "Please, just let it go." She tried to muster all of her inner strength to firmly hold his gaze. "Just let me go." She said with a false confidence as she felt her heart break all over again.
But Elrohir didn't flinch. He continued to stare into her eyes, his own boring right into her soul, studying her, deciphering her, simply reading her like he would a novel. "I'll give you your space." He eventually said, calmly repeating his words from a number of moments ago. "And then I will come and find you, and we will be together again." He stated plainly, as if he hadn't heard a word she had just said to him.
Then before she could say anything else, he leant down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, his lips lingering there for a few seconds before he slowly pulled back. "Make haste out there, Little One, and keep to the shadows. Remain hidden, and trust no-one." His eyes were back to displaying only fear and worry as they frantically scanned her face. He then rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, his hands coming up and cupping Lynwen's face as he took a moment to deeply inhale everything about her. This was going to be one of the hardest things he was ever going to have to do; letting her go out there, knowing what dangers were lurking. But he held onto the knowledge that she just needed space not only from him, but from Rivendell, too, and that afterwards, they would finally be together again.
He pulled back from their physical contact and, without opening his eyes, he swiftly walked past her and exited her room, not trusting himself to let her leave if he was to look at her again.
xxx
Legolas hesitantly approached Lynwen's chambers, feeling incredibly nervous. This was the first time he would be seeing her after he had left her chambers the night before, and he silently prayed that she had since come to terms with the surprise development of their bond. He desperately needed her to be ok with this marriage, to want to embrace it and persevere with it, otherwise there was no telling what tragic outcome lie ahead for him.
As he entered her room, he was a little perplexed by finding her sat on the edge of her bed and staring down at the floor.
"Is everything alright?" He immediately asked, startling her slightly.
Lynwen looked up, unable to hide the unsettled emotions that were written all over her troubled face. "Yes, fine." Was all she said, as she attempted to force on a smile.
Legolas walked over to her and knelt on the floor at her feet, placing his hands on her thighs. "Lynwen, I can see you're nervous, and that's absolutely fine!" He quickly added in a soft voice, hoping his next words wouldn't cause a whole new row to develop between them. "You don't have to go if you don't want to." He said, secretly hoping that she would choose to stay.
But Lynwen shook her head rather vigourously. "No I have to go." She stated bluntly. "I can't stay here."
He gently rubbed the palms of his hands up and down her thighs in his attempt to sooth her seemingly frantic mood. "I know this is about last night." He slowly said, causing Lynwen to look up at him. "But please believe me, Lynwen, when I say that it was an accident. I honestly didn't mean to allow myself to bond to you..."
"I know you didn't, Legolas." Lynwen interrupted his plea in a plain and even tone. "I believe you, but that doesn't stop me from being any less shocked by it." Her shoulders slumped as she let out a deep sigh, finding herself looking down at the floor again. "And it's not just last night that I'm thinking about." She said absently, as she stared into nothingness. "Elrohir stopped by here around twenty minutes ago."
Legolas' upper body jerked into an upright, frozen stance. "Elrohir was here?" He asked coldly.
Lynwen only nodded as she continued to stare at the floor.
"You mean, Elrohir was here? In your bedroom?" Legolas' emphasis on the word 'bedroom' was dripping in poison, as the rest of that sentence had seethed through his gritted teeth at an alarmingly slow, and vicious-sounding tone, causing Lynwen to look up at him in surprise.
"Yes, he came to see me." She said a little defensively. "Why?"
Legolas' jaw clenched tight and his eyes darkened as they bored right into her, showing a dangerous side to the blond prince that was emerging rapidly. And his frightening eyes were penetrating her in a way that dared her to defy him. "Your ex-boyfriend was in your bedroom, and you think that's acceptable?" His voice was still taking on a quiet and calm tone that was extremely unnerving, as it was abundantly clear that he was utterly furious, the rage literally shimmering in his murderous glare.
But when Lynwen didn't answer and only defiantly stared right back at him, something in Legolas seemed to suddenly snap like some sort of realisation, causing him to instantly stand up from the ground. He turned away from her and glided the palms of his hands over the top of his head as he looked up to the ceiling, seemingly trying to calm his anger. And after a few moments of this, his voice then took on a more steady nature. "The men of Gondor are ready. You shouldn't keep them waiting." He simply said.
Lynwen stared at his back in stunned silence. What had just happened? She'd never experienced Legolas act like that towards her before. His domineering and threatening behaviour was alien to her, and she could only wonder as to where it had come from.
"I will wait for you outside." Legolas then said over his shoulder, before walking out of her room and closing the door behind him.
Once outside, he leant back against the wall and shut his eyes as he tried to steady his erratic breathing. What he had just experienced in there had been a dangerous and hideous surge of jealously and rage that he had barely been able to contain. A jealously that had ignited every fibre of his being into an immense amount of anger and fury that had made him want to violently lash out. And with that jealously had come an uncontrollable feeling of supremacy, making him feel highly protective of his wife in a way that far surpassed the care and compassion that a normal husband would feel for their spouse. No, it was more like domination that he had just experienced. Like Lynwen was his property. A wife that he expected obedience from.
Legolas dragged the palms of his hands down his face as he tried to re-bury these unfamiliar and, quite frankly, unnerving feelings that had intensified since their bond had finally solidified and completed last night. His last-ditch plan to try to convince Lynwen to remain in Rivendell, had gone out of the window when his jealously had engulfed him like that, turning him into someone that he didn't recognise. He wondered if it was simply the stresses he was feeling at him accompanying the Fellowship in a few days time, combined with his dire need to remain at Lynwen's side, that had caused him to react like that. And the fact that he suspected she was still battling her feelings for Elrohir, was making it increasingly difficult for him to remain trusting of her.
Thinking about it, it was probably for the best if Lynwen did leave Rivendell, for he wasn't sure whether he would be too happy about leaving his wife here unaccompanied, with Elrohir hovering by. Legolas knew that he wouldn't be able to focus on the quest to Mordor if Lynwen and Elrohir were left unattended here, where he wouldn't be able to keep a close eye on them.
He slid down the wall in the open-air corridor and slumped on the ground outside Lynwen's room as he raked a hand through his hair. This bond seemed to be turning him into a frenzied, paranoid, and untrusting nut-job, which made him sigh deeply in frustration. He didn't want to feel like this, but he just couldn't help it because since the night before, he had developed an overwhelming sense of possessiveness over Lynwen, the fact that she was now his wife, making him much more protective of her than usual. Over-protective, even.
But knowing Lynwen's independent and fiery temperament like he did, he knew that he had to try and hit these controlling urges of his on the head if he wanted Lynwen to remain with him.
xxx
"Muinthel (sister), you don't have to do this. We're your family and you belong with us." Elladan's plea at the grand stone archway that symbolised the main gateway in and out of Rivendell, fell on deaf ears.
"I do have to do this, Elladan." Lynwen said, her gaze landing on Elrond who was stood a few yards away. "I don't belong here, anymore."
"That's not true!" He implored, his hands placed on the sides of her head. "Please, Lynwen. It's not safe out there."
Lynwen took a hold of Elladan's hands and gently pulled them away from her head. "I'm sorry, Elladan. But you're not going to change my mind." She said, still holding his hands in hers. "I have to go. You know I do."
Elladan looked down to their hands, his brow was furrowed and his expression was showing the confliction he was feeling. "But... I don't want you to go." He lifted his head and looked at her with pained eyes. "You're my little sister, Lynwen. And I want you to remain safe."
Lynwen couldn't help but to smile. She loved Elladan and Arwen so damn much, and even though leaving them was hurting her greatly, she at least knew that she would always have a brother and a sister when it came to those two.
"And I will be safe, Elladan. I'm travelling with some of the best warriors that Gondor has to offer." She reassured him. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."
Elladan continued to look at her perplexed. He was torn between making her stay, or letting her do what would make her happy. But would running away from her problems really make her happy? Would moving to a big, bustling, loud city on her own, be the answer to her problems? He doubted it. But unless he tied her up and locked her away in her chambers, there was no way he could make her stay.
"Ok." He finally said. "I understand you feel that you need to do this, and that's fine, I get that. And I'll give you only a year to spread your wings, but then I'm coming to find you." He said firmly. "And if I see that you're not happy, then I'm bringing you back home."
Lynwen smiled again, finding his protective-older-brother persona rather funny. "Ok, that sounds fair." She agreed.
Legolas appeared beside them. "They're ready, Lynwen."
Both Elladan and Lynwen looked over at the three Gondorians who had gathered, and were patiently waiting.
"I'll just go and check if they need anything else for the journey." Elladan said, before walking away.
Lynwen looked up at Legolas to find that he was staring at her with concern. "You know it's not too late to change your mind..."
But Lynwen cut him off by holding up her hand. "Please Legolas, I can't do this now. I can't have this conversation again."
Legolas simply nodded in understanding, although his expression looked anything, but.
Lynwen took a hold of his hand in an attempt to ease the rapidly growing tension between them. "I love you so much." She implored in a quiet voice, not wanting anyone else to hear their exchange. "Come and find me when you're done with this quest. I'll be waiting for you, Legolas..." She gave his hand a little squeeze, and sent him a small loving smile. "...Herven nin (My husband)."
Legolas' eyes widened at her last words. He stared at her in disbelief for a couple of seconds before his face broke out into the widest smile that Lynwen had ever seen, causing her to smile just as widely. She had finally embraced their bond? She was now happy to refer to him as her husband?
He stepped forward, closing the gap between them and embraced her in a huge tight hug, his long muscular arms wrapping around her petite frame and crushing her to his chest. He closed his eyes as he inhaled the sweet smell of her hair, engraving the softness of it against his fingers, deep into his memory. "Herves nin. (My wife)." He muttered as he sighed long and hard, moving his face over the top of her head and gently brushing his lips against her hair. "Oh, herves bain nin (My beautiful wife)." He whispered, his grip on her tightening. "Gi melin, Lynwen. Gi melin (I love you)." His voice was cracking as he tried to keep his emotions in check. He pulled back slightly from their embrace so that he could look upon her face, the backs of fingers now gently stroking her cheek. They just stared into each others' eyes, silently communicating to each other all their love, longing, concern, and pain at being separated, while their eyes glazed over from unshed tears.
The pain that was shooting through Legolas' chest was almost unbearable as he looked upon his new bride. He had to fight hard and suppress all his natural instincts as a bonded husband to cling onto her and never let her leave his side.
The hand that was softly stroking her cheek, moved back and glided through her hair to cup the back of her head. And instinctively, Legolas made to lean forward with the intention to kiss his wife. But Lynwen put a stop to this endearment immediately, by quickly stepping back out of Legolas' hold and forcing his hands to drop at his sides.
She nervously looked around them at the few people who were standing close by, before looking back at Legolas with a look that said 'what the hell were you thinking!?'. And it was a look that hit Legolas like a hard punch to the stomach, seemingly solidifying and confirming what their marriage was to her; a dirty little secret that needed to be kept hidden at all costs.
He simply looked down to the ground with a sigh as he subtly nodded his head, confirming he understood Lynwen's silent message loud and clear.
And with one last goodbye that was addressed to not only himself, but to Elladan, Arwen and Aragorn, too, Lynwen was gone, her small figure disappearing through the stone archway as she followed after the three Gondorians, throwing one last, pained look over her shoulder, which, this time, was directed only at Legolas.
