Confirmation
It had started like any other meal. There were days that the barber had detested the presence of Mrs. Lovett and that he had dreaded to eat for a reason that was unclear to him. But now that they were growing closer, his landlady and he had developed the habit of eating together three times a day and he had become very fond of those times.
No matter how unpleasant spending even the smallest amount of time with her had been in the past, doing so now was the only bearable part of his day. Holding her and being held by her made him feel as if not everything was lost, as if there were things worth living for even now that his family was gone, as if there was something important left even when the Judge and the Beadle would be dead.
Being close to her made him feel at ease in a way that had seemed impossible, but it were small and simple things like this that gave him a sense of normalcy, made him believe with an increasing easiness and frequency that his life wasn't over yet. In fact, sharing meals with the baker had brought back some of his appetite of which he had been sure that he had lost it forever.
But now, he found himself incapable of eating. He could only look at the baker as she sipped from her wine. Never before had he been really aware of her body, or at least, not like this, and now he couldn't stop staring at it. He saw the fabric of her new dress exposing just a bit more of pale skin than was appropriate, the way her chest heaved gently with every breath that she took.
Hunger for something else than food welled up inside of him as he watched her.
Mrs. Lovett was his landlady and accomplice who had become his dearest and only friend. She prevented him from losing himself by just being there. He loved her, in a way, because she was always there for him and understood him like no one else did. She supported him with everything he did even though she knew exactly what was going on inside his barber shop.
She was the only connection to his past and she was the only one who could bring back memories from the days that there had been no darkness. He knew now that she had been there for him, was remembered of the special bond they had shared before he was banished.
He had accepted her when she told him that she only wanted to continue their growing relationship if he genuinely believed that there could be more between them than just friendship; she had spent too much time already fooling herself and didn't want to persuade herself any longer of something that he could never be more than a dream.
He had done so not because he lied, but because he truly began to believe that there could be more between them than friendship. When he had made this clear to her however, he had been thinking of gentle kisses and intimate but careful caresses shared in a time that hadn't come yet and wouldn't arrive for quite a while.
What he hadn't expected at all was to feel this, an unexplainable but raw desire that appeared when he just watched the woman. They had eaten together like this quite a few times already and it wasn't the first time that the two of them ended another week with the contents of a well deserved bottle of wine.
Never before however he had been so much aware of the fact that she was a woman. And not just a woman, but one who was so compatible to the man he had become, who was apparently capable of enchanting him in a way he had always been sure only Lucy could.
Sweeney tried to look away from the beautiful baker, to ignore the desire that roared inside of him as he watched her and tried to forget that he would be in this woman's bed tonight, that she would hold him until the nightmares left him alone at last.
Oblivious to his thoughts and burning gaze, Mrs. Lovett took another sip of wine, fingers caressing the rim of the glass subconsciously when she put it back on the table. Sweeney stared at the tender movement of the small, nimble fingers, breath quickening as he realized that those fingers had stroked his body like that last night, that she would touch him again with such gentleness whenever he needed it.
Those caresses were innocent, even though he knew that they meant something completely different for her. But as his gaze focused once more on her upper body even though he didn't want it to, he wasn't so sure anymore whether he would consider the movements of her hands against his body during the next time that she caressed him during the darkest hours of the night as harmless as he had done until now .
The spoon fell from his suddenly numb fingers and it fell loudly on the floor, near the baker's feet. Automatically he got up to reach for it, never taking his eyes off her.
He kneeled down right next to her, but as he stretched his hand to pick up the spoon, his arm accidentally brushed against the soft fabric of her dress. The realization how close he was to her hit him almost as hard as the sight of her black stockings that his slightly trembling arm had exposed unintentionally.
He looked up, hoping that she wasn't aware of the dangerous thoughts within him, only to be greeted by a pair of big brown eyes that were already focused at him. There was so much love and longing in her eyes that it felt as if he got lost in them.
Taken aback by the emotions in her gaze that he could read so easily now, he lost his balance. Intuitively he grabbed the thing which was closest to him, which happened to be the baker's body. Spoon long forgotten, Sweeney clung to the stocking clad leg that he had admired earlier, horror and delight battling for dominance within him.
Even as he collected himself and sat down more firmly on his knees, relaxing his grasp on her, he remained sitting on the floor next to Mrs. Lovett, unable to let her go even as embarrassment and desire caused his cheeks to color.
As if sensing that this was the chance that she had been waiting for the greater part of her life, she reached for him. Her movements were slow and somewhat uncertain, as if she couldn't belief herself that this was actually happening.
After a long moment however she touched him, fingers carefully caressing his hair. Sweeney closed his eyes. The gesture hardly relieved the tension he felt deep inside of him, but it made clear to him that there was about to happen something that would.
His heart was pounding in his chest as the baker's fingers moved to his face, gently stroking his cheeks and nose. For the first time it fully dawned on him what it must've been like for her to endure this physical torture. He wondered how on earth she had been able to withstand the desire that he couldn't bear for the duration of only meal for as long as she had.
Mr. Todd sat still as she touched him, not entirely sure how he should proceed, and whether he should do anything at all. But as her fingers moved to his lips, his deprived body reacted on its own accord, not waiting for permission any longer.
Unable to think, let alone consider the consequences, the barber reached for the still sitting baker, yanking her face down towards his and crashing his mouth against hers.
There was no time for thought or rationality, and even their uncomfortable position wasn't noticed. He forgot about himself and his past as he kissed Nellie at last, marveling in the feeling that washed over him as he did so. It was something that he couldn't define, couldn't be compared to the plain happiness that he had felt whenever he had kissed Lucy.
The barber felt sparks that hinted at more than mere physical attraction, vaguely reminding him that they were connected by more than just time. But even as the kiss deepened and both of them moaned because of the relief of finally giving in to their desire and the discovery that it wasn't enough yet at all, Sweeney didn't want to stop.
His hands made his way to her waist, pulling her closer to him and touching of much of her as he could. Frustrated by the multiple layers of clothing he found there, one hand moved to her neck, savoring the feeling of her flushed skin beneath his fingertips in a way he had never done before.
Needing more of her and bothered by their awkward positions, but unable to actually consider the urge, he pulled her off the chair she was still sitting on, dragging her with him onto the floor.
Mrs. Lovett hardly seemed to be aware of the rather hard landing and neither was Sweeney. Having her really close to him at last, he pulled her on top of him, tangling his hands in her hair to bring her mouth as close to his own as was physically possible, needing as much of her as he could take.
Maybe it was because they had to make up for so much lost time, or because the baker was just as desperate to cross this boundary at last as he was, or perhaps a combination of both. But it didn't matter what the cause was of the sudden madness, not as long as they finally could give in to their desire.
They both felt that kissing wasn't enough and after a moment of silent agreement, Sweeney rolled the baker onto her back, hands sliding down her body to touch what his eyes had devoured earlier that night. Every kiss made him long for more, every caress begging him to continue, overwhelming his entire being with want.
The barber couldn't think, but even if he would've been able to do so he wouldn't have acted any differently. Intuitively it seemed only normal that this was happening, as if this was the only possible outcome after all that had happened during the past two decades.
Only when he hiked up the baker's skirts and his hands reached beneath them, fingers brushing against her thighs as he intended to remove the last layers of clothing that were between him and the release he was aching for, the realization what was about to happen hit him with the force of a prison guard's club.
His eyes snapped open to reveal the baker's face right beneath his own, her expression of desire and expectation undeniable. The disappointment that radiated off her as soon as she sensed his hesitation was like a physical blow as well, both because depriving her once more seemed like the most cruel thing to do and because he realized what he had just almost done in a moment of frenzy, what he could've ruined if there hadn't been one moment of relative clearness to look only a little beyond his own desire.
"Don't stop," she whispered, obviously not caring now for the consequences of their actions.
Sweeney however sensed that there would come a moment that she would care, but by then it would be too late and the things that had occurred between them then couldn't be made undone.
"We can't do this," he said, too much aware of the soft and inviting body right beneath him, that she could be his if only he continued what he had started.
"Why not?"
Her voice was quite steady, but he noticed the despair behind her words, felt how much she wanted him to do this.
"We are on the floor," he said, hoping that he could make her see that they shouldn't connect in that final way like both of them were so tempted to do at that very moment.
As he saw the uncomprehending look in the auburn haired woman's eyes, the barber realized that this was even going to be more difficult than he feared.
"I want you too much."
Her eyes widened as it dawned on her what he meant.
"There isn't such a thing," she whispered, hands clinging to his shirt as if she could persuade him somehow that way.
"There is," he growled, wishing that she would at least realize how much she was tempting him by simply being so close to him. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't."
Sweeney knew that it wasn't true. He couldn't be gentle, couldn't be careful, not after all that had happened. But if there was someone who didn't deserve any more pain, who he wanted to be treated with tenderness and slowness, it was the woman who was currently basically begging him to take her no matter what.
He wished that he could tell her what would happen if he released his repressed lust on her, but he knew that just seeing her eyes widen and darken when he'd tell her what he would do with her if he couldn't control himself any longer would be his own undoing.
"Kiss me."
Both of them were surprised by the request; Mrs. Lovett obviously couldn't believe that she had actually had the courage to say this and Mr. Todd because he hadn't expected her to ask for a kiss even as one of his hands was still resting on her thigh.
He opened his mouth to object. The last thing he should do in this state was to make the situation even more intimate, but before he could voice this thought, she moved upwards to brush her lips against his own.
Sweeney was completely still for a moment, his body and mind trying to catch up with this new development.
The kiss was gentle and quite chaste, something he hadn't expected after what just had happened. Mrs. Lovett wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back on top of her.
Finding himself once again in such an intimate position with the baker, there was no other option for him than to press his lips more firmly against hers, even as his earlier determination not to let it happen like this was echoing inside his head.
The kiss differed from the previous ones. To his surprise, Mrs. Lovett didn't allow him to deepen it, even though the barber found himself more than willing to do so.
The baker's fingers began to caress his back with soft touches, and in spite of the circumstances, Sweeney found himself relaxing because of the soothing gestures. His eyes were closed and some of the tension in his body disappeared.
When her hands twined in his hair again, the baker pulled him closer to him than he had ever been before, pressing her lips more firmly against his own. Mr. Todd suppressed once again the urge to deepen the kiss, to touch her like he had done mere minutes ago.
It took a lot of willpower, but he managed to let the baker be in control. The kiss remained slow and gentle, even as its intensity increased. Mrs. Lovett too was trembling with the effort not to give in to her desire, which wasn't making things easier for the barber himself.
He cupped the baker's face with both his hands as she continued to stroke his back in that strange way that calmed and excited him at the same time, slowly getting somewhat used to the unbelievably pleasant sensations that kissing Nellie Lovett caused.
It became gradually easier to focus on nothing but the kiss, to free himself from the incredible awareness of the way their bodies were pressed together.
The feeling of her tongue against his own replaced everything else and before he knew it, there came a moment that there existed nothing in the world except for the kiss that they were sharing.
Tenderness mixed with lust and when they broke apart after an almost breathless minute. Caressing each other with eager but more controlled hands, Sweeney sensed that he would never be more ready than he was now.
"Yes," he simply said, and that single word was all that Mrs. Lovett needed.
He had seen her smile often, especially in the recent past, but the way she was grinning now was new to him. Her entire face seemed to be radiant with joy and it affected him as well. The corners of his lips twitched upwards as he looked at her, her smile widening even more when she saw this.
In any other situation he could've remained laying on the floor for quite some time, just watching her smile and experiencing the curious feelings that this caused within him, but now there was something even better about to happen.
Sweeney stood up, determined to find a more suitable location, taking her hands to pull her swiftly on her feet. They looked at each other as they stood close to one another in the middle of the room, the food on the table forgotten, for a moment too lost in each other's gaze to move.
Mrs. Lovett was the first to recover. She took his right hand in her own, pulling him out of the parlor, eyes focused on the door leading to her bedroom. Without another second of doubt, even though he knew very well what was going to happen at last, Sweeney followed her.
