I make this humble offering to the Gods of Hot CGI and request that the latest rumor of an FFVII remake be true. Gods of CGI, Gods of Yaoi, if it is, I promise I will make many more offerings of eye candy touching each other naughtily. And even if the rumor isn't true, to be honest, though I would dearly love the encouragement.

I don't own this stuff, the people whose brains I need to take over do. M, M, everything I do is M, even the stuff that isn't really M, 'cause I'm stubborn.

Reviewers - love you guys!

THE MADNESS OF ANGELS
Chapter 29 - Hush, Child

So those couple of mission-free weeks turned out to be a gift. It was hard not to worry constantly about Angeal and miss him so much that it hurt, but though Cloud couldn't fill that space in my heart, he distracted me from it. I kept visiting his Weapons Training class, and though I encouraged and offered advice to everyone, Finn and I between the two of us always arranged for me to be partnered up with Cloud. As far as everyone else could see, our friendship developed casually, naturally, and though Cloud had been an assignment I was given, I never thought of him that way. I had a secret hope that he would be able to make Sephiroth happy one day, but he was doing it for me already. I loved the kid. Always will.

He liked me right away too, if his smiles and eagerness to spar were any indication. Once I thought he was comfortable enough with me, I suggested we try doing it on our own, outside of class. The next free day for cadets found us heading from the Cadet Building to the White Building's 1st Class gym (which I had been given permission to use on my own, since all my training with the 1sts was done there anyway). The weather in Midgar is pretty mild all year round, and it was a bright, cool day as we walked the cemented paths lined with well-tended grass. It seemed ages ago that I had followed Lieutenant Moray and observed his cheerful friendliness with relief.

I stopped for a moment and stared intently at Cloud, not blinking and slowly bringing myself closer. His eyes went wide, but I grinned and he gently shoved me back and laughed.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm cloud-watching! Get it?"

He shook his head and smiled. "I didn't think SOLDIERs could be so..."

"Bouncy? We're pretty rare. Promise me that when you're a SOLDIER, you won't be all serious and stuffy."

Cloud shrugged. "If I become one."

"Why wouldn't you? You're doing great. You've got to think positively, and hold onto your dreams. You've got dreams, don't you? Isn't that why you wanted to join SOLDIER?"

"I guess," Cloud said tentatively.

"So, why did you? Adventure, excitement, escape from a small town where nothing ever happens?" I prodded.

"I am from a small town. I never really fit in." Cloud looked at his boots as we walked, seeming unsure about revealing any more.

"That's kinda how it was for me. I wanted to see the world, accomplish great things. Be a hero. No one understood how trapped I felt at home, even my parents." He was starting to look up again. "What about yours?"

"My dad died when I was little. My mom didn't want me going so far away or putting myself in danger, but she knew it was my dream to..."

He stopped there and turned faintly pink. "To be a SOLDIER?" I guessed. "To make a difference? To serve under Sephiroth?"

For such a pale kid, Cloud could really blush. "It's not..."

"What?"

"Nothing," he muttered, avoiding my eyes.

I would have grinned like a moron if I hadn't felt so bad for making him feel embarrassed. Gaia, a crush, it had to be. This was beyond adorable, it was perfect. I thought briefly of telling him how common it is for cadets to be attracted to Sephiroth, that even I wibbled a little the first time I saw him up close, but Cloud didn't seem the type to be able to admit it and laugh it off.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, Spiky. Everyone comes to ShinRa wanting to work with Sephiroth. I know I did. And now we're friends."

Cloud seemed to relax. "What's he like?" he asked softly.

Damaged, I thought. Different, vulnerable, strong in spite of all that. Like you.

"Well, he's more human up close. Thoughtful, insightful, kind. He still keeps a certain distance, even from me, but he's a good guy. Not just a great man." I watched Cloud, subtly but intently, as he smiled and his gaze seemed to drift inward to his own thoughts. "You want to meet him?"

Now he paled, as much as his white skin could. "N-No, I couldn't. I wouldn't know what to say, I'd do something wrong."

"What's there to do wrong? I'll introduce you, you'll say hi, he'll either say hi or have one of his socially awkward moments and stare like a chocobo caught in a headlight. It'll be harder on him, trust me," I said lightly, mentally adding, even if you can't know why.

"I...I don't know..."

I decided to risk acting on a hunch. "Y'know, Sephiroth gets told about cadets who are excelling in their training. He wouldn't admit it, but he's curious to meet you and see what kind of SOLDIER he'll be getting in a couple years. It's easier for him if I introduce you."

That confirmed it, the thought of making something easier for Sephiroth was what started to break through Cloud's reluctance.

"I'll be right there," I added. "It'll be quick, and I promise, it'll be fine."

"Well...okay. When?"

"At the next opportunity!" I put my arm around Cloud's shoulders and squeezed.

We had entered the White Building (Cloud seemed amazed by the fancy interior as I had once been, that made me smile) and were nearly to the gym when I noticed Commander Averman and Lieutenant Halloran wave to me from down the hallway. They headed toward us, and Cloud automatically snapped into a rigid salute. Both looked at him curiously, and Averman smiled.

"At ease, Cadet." Averman's eyes softened with sympathy as he shifted them to me. I was a kid to them myself, a little brother, I always would be. "How are you, Zack?"

"I'm all right, sir. Uh, this is Cadet Cloud Strife, a friend of mine. Cloud, this is Commander Averman and Lieutenant Halloran, SOLDIERs 1st Class."

"Sirs," Cloud said shyly, shuffling his feet.

"A pleasure, Cadet," Halloran said, nodding. "Zack, you should start eating with us in the 1st Class dining hall again. Everyone misses you."

I nodded reluctantly. I had been avoiding the place since Angeal left, and the concerned pity in the eyes of Angeal's former comrades. Like the kind Halloran and Averman were directing at me now. I know it was because they cared and I appreciated that, but if I accepted it...it felt like I was admitting Angeal was gone.

"Yeah, sure. I'll stop by soon."

"And it's been awhile since we've crossed blades," Halloran went on. "Maybe tomorrow, if you'e free? I've got time in the afternoon."

"Okay."

He raised his hand like he was about to ruffle my hair, then withdrew, probably not wanting to embarrass me in front of a cadet. Averman put his hand on my shoulder for a moment and squeezed, looking at me gently and seriously.

"You know we're here for you, right, Zack?" he asked quietly.

"I know, sir. Thank you."

"Okay. We'd better get going...oh, by the way, Zack, Sephiroth got back a few hours ago. He wants to see you ASAP. And you might want to tie that boot-lace before you trip."

I hadn't seen Sephiroth since our last spar, when he told me I would be on restricted duty for a while. He'd been away almost the entire two weeks, though I had no idea where (he often went on classified missions), and it was unusual for me to go that long without seeing him. The timing couldn't be better. I smiled winningly at Cloud as I bent down, and his sky-blue eyes widened.

"Now?" he squeaked.

"No time like the present. Hold on, just let me tie this thing."

Averman and Halloran had turned a corner and passed out of our sight but, apparently not realizing I was still there, had stopped and begun to talk softly. As I tied my boot, their subdued voices came to me clearly on the still indoor air.

"He looks all right. He's strong."

"The poor kid. If we're missing Angeal, I can't imagine what he's going through."

"He's dealing. Did you see - "

"Heh, yeah, that's cute. The puppy has a puppy of his own."

Rolling my eyes, I straightened up and motioned Cloud to follow. He was looking at me curiously, obviously wanting to ask questions. Comforted by his innocence, as always, I smiled to tell him it was okay.

"'Puppy'?" he said cautiously.

"My, uh, my mentor calls me that. And you thought 'Spiky' was bad!"

"I don't mind," he said shyly. "Were they, um..."

"Yeah? It's okay, what were you gonna say?"

Cloud shook his head, and I decided to let it go for now. We got in the elevator and rode up to the fourth floor. (Cloud seemed okay in the elevator, maybe because he was used to heights, coming from a mountainous region.) Sephiroth had recently moved his office from the Kurasai Building to here, and I had been to it once or twice. He said it was something he'd wanted to do for a long time, because the heightened security in the Kurasai Building made it difficult for anyone to see him. (I think it was a good sign he was becoming more open, that that bothered him.) But I think it was also or actually because he wanted to be closer to his SOLDIERs during this time of crisis. With Angeal gone, especially, Sephiroth's strong presence lent strength to us all.

When we reached the office door, Cloud bit his lower lip and looked at me with anxious alarm. I smiled reassuringly and ran my hand over his hair. The spikes were pleasantly and surprisingly soft, like cornsilk beneath my fingers.

"I promise it'll be okay. But if you really don't want to - "

He took a deep breath. "No, it's okay. I'm okay."

"Good for you, kiddo."

I knocked, and Cloud tensed a little when we heard "Enter" from behind the door. I quickly squeezed his hand, and we stepped inside. Sephiroth turned and looked up from a document he was holding, and a flash of shock and perhaps even fear passed over his face, so fast I barely caught it. His features hastily schooled themselves into their usual passive neutrality, but the silver eyes, uneasy and eager both, constantly flickered back and forth between us as Sephiroth approached me.

"Lieutenant Fair."

"General. I hope you don't mind that I brought a friend along. This is Cloud Strife, the cadet we've heard so many good things about."

I looked at Cloud now, ready to kick myself and abort if he was frightened. He was gazing at his idol with amazed, wide blue eyes, but not staring, blinking in wonder with his lips slightly parted. It was an adorably childish expression, easy to mistake for star-struck but warmer than that, with traces of adoration more personal than worship. He didn't remember to salute, but he also didn't faint, or shrink back, or show any sign of being uncomfortable, save for a slight shiver that went through his whole lithe frame.

Sephiroth's calm expression was holding, but for someone like me who knew him and had always been perceptive, his eyes were giving away much more. As he had stepped closer, they were guarded at first, wary, not because Cloud was any kind of danger but because the theat was what he was feeling. As they measured each other silently, the pools of liquid steel grew warmer, disarmed by the boy's shyness and lovely face. I could almost see the fear and past hurts fall slowly away from them both, the walls both had built begin to crumble.

Sephiroth smiled faintly and offered his hand. "A pleasure, Cadet."

"I-It's an honor, General," Cloud whispered. His cheeks pinked just slightly as his hand touched Sephiroth's; I wondered if he too was surprised by its softness.

As they released each other, Sephiroth's stare became intense, like he was concentrating on something difficult. He didn't mean anything by this, but I had seen him do it to people he was trying to read, and it's an uncomfortable spotlight to be under. But Cloud only looked back at him innocently, fascinated, still a bit pink but not at all afraid. After a few moments, Sephiroth turned to me.

"Lieutenant, if you feel ready, you're to be sent on a mission three days from now."

"Where to?"

He glanced very briefly at Cloud. "Modeoheim. Commander Tseng will be going as well. He or Lazard can brief you on the particulars."

"Okay. Will I be the only SOLDIER?"

"Others will be dispatched to the area and be on alert, should you need back-up. But the company has deemed it best that you be perceived as alone, or nearly so."

I thought I understood. "Angeal?"

He didn't answer.

"Sir, you can talk in front of Cadet Strife. I'll vouch for him."

Another hasty glance at Cloud. "Angeal and Dr. Hollander have been sighted at the Modeoheim mako reactor."

"What about Genesis?"

"No. But he may be there as well. Be advised, Lieutenant, that Tseng will call for back-up if he thinks the danger more than you can handle, however much you might protest. If you try to take on too much, I will be displeased."

"Understood, sir. Do you think this will be dangerous?"

"More likely they will retreat when they catch sight of you, before ShinRa can be alerted."

"Which is why you're sending me, sir, isn't it?"

Sephiroth's mouth curved in a faint smirk. "I still expect caution from you."

An idea occurred to me, suddenly. "How about I bring Strife with me?"

"What?" Sephiroth asked with a frown.

"What?" Cloud squeaked.

"SOLDIER and the company are spread thin right now," I argued. "It's not unheard of to let cadets accompany superiors on missions for learning experience. And Modeoheim's in a mountainous region. Cloud knows places like that, he'll be all kinds of useful."

Sephiroth looked at Cloud, whose eyes were wide. "Would you like to accompany Lieutenant Fair to Modeoheim, Cadet?"

"Um, yes, sir, if that's okay."

"Very well, permission granted. Zack, choose another from his class as well. I will trust you and Tseng to keep them safe."

"You can count on me, General."

"Dismissed."

I headed cheerfully for the door with Cloud in tow, stopping as I opened it to see Cloud giving his hero one last shy smile, and the incredible sight of Sephiroth returning it.

It took Cloud a little while to shake off the daze of having actually met the Sephiroth and living through it. He was distracted and a bit dreamy-eyed for the first few minutes of our spar before becoming the determined fighter I had come to expect, but after that he was fine, more confident than usual. I figured he'd been through enough for one day, so I didn't casually mention Sephiroth's hotness or tease him about blushing so much. After we hit the showers (no, I didn't peek) and were walking back to the Cadet Building, I sensed that he had something he wanted to say and wouldn't let himself. When I asked, he looked at the ground and shook his head.

"Aw, c'mon, Spiky. Whatever it is, it's okay, I'm not gonna get mad or anything. We're friends, right?"

Cloud smiled at that. "It's none of my business."

"I promise, it's okay."

"Well...those 1sts you were talking to, and the general..."

"Yeah?"

"Were they...talking about Commander Hewley?"

Of course, I had been an idiot not to realize sooner that Cloud must have heard about Angeal's relationship with me, as well as his desertion and alliance with Genesis. The details may have been restricted information, but the broader facts were common knowledge. Hell, even my nickname was. Cloud had probably known about it and feigned confusion to be polite. Cautious of his anxiety, I kept my expression calm and my voice light as I answered.

"Uh-huh. He's my mentor, and more than that, as you probably know already. Why?"

"It's just, um..." We had reached the cadet dorms and the door to Cloud's room, and he really looked like he wanted to dash through it.

"Spiky, it's okay. Tell me."

He looked at me with those impossibly blue eyes full of sympathy, and whispered, "I hope everything works out for you and him."

As soon as he got the words out, Cloud flinched, like he was afraid he'd be reprimanded. I stared at him for a moment, heart swelling, and then I couldn't hold back any longer. I stepped forward, put my arms around him and drew him to my chest. Cloud tensed for a second and then hugged me back, determined to make me feel better. If I'd still had any doubts that Cloud was strong and caring enough to love Sephiroth, they melted away in that instant. But I wasn't resolved to protect him only for Sephiroth. Maybe I already knew deep down, as I know now, that Cloud will be the one I die to save.

zfzfz

As it turned out, Cloud was fine with heights as long as he wasn't moving any more or faster than the steady ascent of an elevator. Modeoheim was only accessible by helicopter, and even on the launch pad I saw him turning faintly green. He bravely assured me he was fine, and I introduced him and Cadet Gowry to Tseng. Tseng in turn introduced us to our pilot. To my slight disappointment, it was not Reno, but a wiry man with shoulder-length brown hair, large sunglasses that reminded me of frogs' eyes, and the name Chyren. We boarded and belted in, Cloud and I side by side facing Tseng and Gowry.

Tseng noticed Cloud's discomfort. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, sir. I just get motion-sickness, sometimes."

Tseng took a plastic-wrapped capsule from a compartment near the cockpit and handed it over. "Take this, it'll help."

Cloud glanced at me, and I nodded. "Thank you, sir."

"No need. It's the reason we have them."

Tseng then began to go over our mission objective, carefully choosing his words in the presence of cadets. If we encountered any genuine opposition, we would alert Team B, who would be waiting under cover of the woods outside the village. We, as Team A, would investigate the reactor for signs of Commander Hewley and Dr. Hollander. If possible, they were to be captured, but Tseng admitted that was unlikely to happen and we would more likely just force them to retreat without time to transport any equipment. Clone-making equipment, I knew, though Tseng didn't specify.

Cloud looked at me anxiously when Angeal's name was mentioned. I smiled to tell him I was okay, but he seemed, again, to have something he needed to say but couldn't. I got us through the flight (and me through an inescapable feeling of impending doom) by telling stories of the missions I'd done, carefully leaving Angeal's name out. When we landed, we had ahead of us a short walk to the village, which had been hastily evacuated. That bothered me. I thought, afterwards, when I could think again, that it seemed like a pretty obvious warning that we were coming...maybe Sephiroth ordered it, for that reason. But I think it had actually just reminded me too much of Banora. The meadows where Sephiroth had played reduced to a blackened wasteland. The sickly-sweet scent of burning apples. Angeal leaving me again.

Cloud kept up with me much easier than Tseng and Gowry, so it was no problem to walk ahead with him. Once we had a fair lead (in spite of my needling the others about being slow-pokes), I said "What did you want to say, back in the chopper? And don't say nothing."

"I wanted to ask...what do you want me to do?" he said softly.

"Just stay close to me, be alert, follow my orders. Common-sense stuff."

"No, I mean..." Cloud looked at me, anxious again. "I'm sure I wouldn't be any help fighting or capturing Commander Hewley, but...if we see him at all, do you want me to pretend we didn't?"

It took me a few seconds to process what Cloud was doing. A new SOLDIER cadet, at the top of his class, was offering to conceal important information from ShinRa, to risk expulsion for me. For a heart-clenching moment I thought of Colin Moray, killed for letting his feelings for me get him tangled in this mess. I couldn't let anything like that happen to Cloud.

"Spiky," I said, aware that my voice was heavy with emotion, "thank you. But I want you to answer honestly if anyone questions you about this mission. They probably won't, but still."

He nodded. "Okay."

"You would really lie to the company for me?"

"We're friends, right?"

"Right!" I grabbed Cloud around the waist and pulled him close with one arm, and playfully messed up his hair with my other hand. "Friends for life. And we can trust each other with anything, right?"

Cloud wriggled out of my hold and pouted, but he nodded again. I saw a chance here, and decided to take it. But I would have to build up to it carefully.

"I guess you know what Commander Hewley is to me." Yet another nod, sympathetic now. "We won't be able to capture him, even if I was willing to try. Angeal thinks he's doing the right thing for me by staying away. Who knows, maybe he's right. But it's hard. We haven't even had much time together. For so long, I was a cadet with what seemed like an impossible crush."

Cloud's steps faltered for a moment, and his eyes left me for a few seconds, though he quickly put them back and continued listening to me with interest.

"I pushed him and pushed him to get this relationship," I went on. "I probably made a fool of myself so many times...but if you're not willing to do that every now and then, nothing great will happen, right? I knew I loved him, and even before I was sure he loved me, I felt sure that fate had brought us together for something."

"Wow," Cloud whispered.

"I think, when two people are meant to be together, it can happen, no matter what stands in their way. Even if it seems impossible at first."

"I'd like to believe that," Cloud said, barely audibly.

"Ugh, listen to me, rambling. So, what did you think of Sephiroth?"

He froze for a moment, mid-step, but quickly shook it off and smiled. "Um..."

"He's amazing, isn't he? And hot."

"Zack!" he said loudly, shifting uncomfortably.

"What? You don't think so?"

"You-You can't talk that way about the general."

"Why? Everyone does."

"They shouldn't. He's a person."

Was I testing Cloud by saying these things? I don't think it matters. He was passing with flying colors, though.

zfzfz

Once inside the reactor, we agreed to check in regularly on our phones and split into two groups. Tseng and Gowry would check the two lower floors, Cloud and I would handle the two upper. The entire area had been oddly free of monsters, and the reactor seemed deserted, but I told Cloud to keep close and I kept myself alert for anything my enhanced senses could pick up.

As we rode the elevator up to the third floor, I picked up movement and voices coming from the direction in which we were headed. I hoped for Angeal, but what I saw was Genesis, sword drawn, and Hollander backing away from him.

"Stay here," I murmured to Cloud, and as soon as the doors opened, I sprang out and jumped between them, using the Junior Buster to hold Genesis off.

"Come to play, Puppy?" he said with a smirk. "I'll be with you as soon as the doctor gives me my gift of the Goddess."

"You can't kill me!" Hollander was insisting. "Who will stop your deterioration then?"

"Jenova cells. 'The power of the Goddess will be given to her champion, the one to battle her counterpart.'"

"You don't know where the Jenova cells are kept! Hojo won't tell you, no matter how much you've helped him sabotage me!"

Genesis smiled coldly. "Maybe I should present my case to Hojo's prize subject, then, and explain it all to him."

Hollander let out a dismayed wail and made a run for it. I had to keep Genesis at bay, so I was prepared to let the doctor go. I didn't count on Cloud's instinct and impulse to help. His speed brought him into the room in time to yell "Wait!" and grab hold of Hollander. He only held him for a moment before the doctor broke free and ran off, and maybe realizing he'd disobeyed an order, Cloud froze behind me.

Fuck, I thought as Genesis caught sight of Cloud and smiled.

"What do we have here?" he said softly.

To be continued! As soon as I find a good hiding place...er, I mean, as soon as I have the next chapter shiny and polished?