Author's note: second to last chapter! Fear not, there will most likely be a sequel (I'm thinking Dawn Treader?). I'm sorry this is all so sudden, once I get on a roll, I can't even stop myself. Let me know what you think!
Still don't own Chronicles of Narnia, sadly...
The next day, despite his busy schedule, Caspian managed to fit in our monthly tea in his study again. Right around lunchtime, instead of going down to the dining hall, I made my way to Caspian's study and knocked on the door twice.
"Come in," he called, although the large wooden door muffled it.
I entered the study, pleasantly surprised to find tea and some small sandwiches already waiting for me on his desk. I walked in and smiled, a blush immediately finding it's way to my cheeks, as Caspian watched me sit down and grab hold of one of the sandwiches.
"Good afternoon," he said, a bright smile on his face.
I smiled as well and busied myself with tearing off small parts of the sandwich and popping them into my mouth. Since he and I had spoken yesterday, I had not seen him. Another one of the nobles had found us in the garden and had called him to business having to do with the Calormens.
He left without another word or even another glance in my direction.
I was not sure where we were, in terms of a relationship. I recalled Edmund explaining to me the many rules revolving around love and intimacy in Narnia, so there was no chance we could just "date." Either we were friends, or we were engaged. There was hardly an in between here.
Without a word he stood and came to sit in the chair beside me.
"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly, his fingers softly stroking the bruises around my neck.
I allowed myself to fill up with warmth at his touch; goose bumps began to form on my arms and legs, the good kind of goose bumps. I closed my eyes and allowed the feeling to spread throughout me, helping me relax.
"I am doing alright," I answered honestly.
I was still sore, and I had not gotten much sleep the night before, nightmares plaguing me every time I closed my eyes. Plus I missed the warmth Caspian had provided when I was in my bed, I had a very strange feeling that I would never sleep the same, knowing what it felt like to lay in a bed next to him.
"That is good to hear," he said, pulling his hand away and taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Cas, I haven't been to the training fields in a while," I said randomly.
I was dying for a topic that would make it easier for he and I to chat again; I wished to talk about something that was not our relationship. I loved him, yes. But he was my best friend first, and my love interest second. So I wanted to go back to normal conversations with him.
"Chris, look at you, you can't spar right now," he stated.
I rolled my eyes, "Well yes, obviously, doofus. I mean, it has been a whole month since I have been to the training fields. You and I used to go out there at least once a week and spar."
"Chris…I… after seeing you so bruised and beaten, I don't know if I would be comfortable sparring with you again. I'm sorry, I just want to keep you safe; it isn't that I doubt your abilities. I just don't think I could focus on the fight, I would be too worried to hurt you."
I sighed and nodded. At least he was being honest.
"Well, I guess we'll see who hurts who. Once most of my bruises and my cut is healed, I'm going to start training again."
He closed his eyes for a second and then nodded, giving in.
"That dress looks beautiful on you," he commented, quietly.
My heart began to pound again, and another blush worked its way onto my cheeks. Of course I had flirted with other boys before, and I had technically been engaged to Edmund at one point, but I had never felt this way with anyone else.
Everything he did made me feel new, and happy, and like I was made of air.
"You don't look half bad yourself," I joked, taking in his rich red tunic.
"How would you feel about going for a ride out to the ocean?" he asked.
"Well, I don't think I could very well go on a ride right now, Caspian, just changing out of my dress at night is quite a chore. I have no doubt the jostling of a horse would do nothing for my recovery," I laughed. "But perhaps after I am more healed."
"Whenever you feel up to it, just say the word and we will be off."
I nodded, and took a sip out of my cup of tea when another thought came to mind. I was scared to bring it up, but since our feelings were still fairly new, better to ruin everything now than years down the line when we were both more invested.
"Cas?" I started slowly, looking down at the liquid in my cup.
"Yes, love?" he replied, making my heart skip a beat.
Don't do it.
"What about Susan?"
Silence.
Told you so.
"What about her, Chris?"
"I was just wondering, I mean…didn't you love her? How can you presume to love she and I at the same time?"
He sighed and inched closer to me, sitting on the edge of his chair and facing me.
"Christina. When I met you, I did not know what love was. I had grown up with tails of Queen Susan's beauty, and when I had finally met her, I felt as though I had loved her all my life. But then I met you, and I thought Susan's beauty hidden in shadow compared to your radiance. Yet I hardly knew you, and I felt like I knew Susan. So I told myself that she was the one I had loved. It took my quite a long time to figure out that I was not true to myself, and that it was you who I had loved all along."
His eyes burned into mine. I couldn't help but feel a small sense of satisfaction when he said I was prettier than Susan.
"What about Edmund?"
That question had thrown me for a loop.
Of course I remember Edmund, I remembered how our relationship started. We wanted to make Caspian jealous. I don't think it was ever more than that, to Edmund, but I had begun to feel something for him. And then he was taken from me, sent away by Aslan.
Or had I told myself I loved him, because I believed I would never have Caspian?
All I could remember these days was that Edmund was my best friend, and every time his name was mentioned a small ache in my heart appeared. No matter how much I loved Caspian, he could never fill the gap that Edmund had left once he was gone.
"I too fooled myself Caspian. I told myself that, since Edmund was my best friend, I could love him. Because I could not have you. And I believed I never could, so I tried my best to convince myself that I loved Edmund, instead of you," I said quietly.
At this Caspian bridged the gap between us, and pulled my lips to his for a quick kiss.
"It is I who could never have you," he whispered once he pulled away.
"Why would you say that, Cas?"
"Because, Christina, you are far too perfect than you give yourself credit for. I thought, if not Edmund, than some other man from court would swoop you up before I could tell you my true feelings. Although I did imagine it being somewhat more romantic than the morning after you were almost beaten to death,"
"That is a vast over exaggeration," I laughed, but I grabbed onto his hand and smiled at him.
"I love you, Caspian," I said.
He closed his eyes and sighed, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. His thumb massaged the back of my hand as my words soaked in. "Say it again," he said.
"I love you Caspian."
