Monsters and Ladybugs

By Kitteh and Neofox

Rating R

Warnings Violence and intense smooching

Disclaimer Smeets will eat our souls if we dare claim Invader Zim. So yeah, Jhonen can keep his smeets of DOOM!

Summary DADR. Three years later Dwicky comes back to fix what he messed up. But the little boy he left behind is no longer the same energetic soul from before and now may just be too broken to reach.
Beta Morgan B.

Chapter 29

The morning was grey, and it seemed to be growing darker still. Tak had stayed true to their word and made Dib clean his own blood stains from the carpet with his tongue. Dib made little refusal, doing what he could as quick as he could; nearly gagging a few times but his conscious mind was else where. Breakfast was muffins that everyone but Dib ate, picking at it seemed far more interesting than actually consuming. The rest of the morning was gauzy, like it was taken with a shaky camera which only made Dib feel sicker.

His father dropped Gaz and Tak at skool and at the same time enrolled Dib in the same one. It was far easier to have all peas in one pod, and he seemed to take no heed or recollection of what Mister Dwicky had suggested; convenience took the place of wisdom, and what he had time for took presidence over all. Dib didn't notice, he sat in a chair near the office in wait, glancing this way and that with small jerks at certain noises that echoed near or in the halls. His shakes were barely calmed by the constant fidgeting with the ladybug plush that rested in his lap; his father had chastised him for bringing it, but Dib refused to let his vice grip on it subside for any authoritive words.

When they got in the car Dib made mention that he needed to go to Mister Dwicky's, saying he'd made an appointment, when in reality he hadn't talked to the man since last night. Professor Membrane didn't seem to mind, Dib started skool tomorrow and getting the boy out of the way so he could work in peace without supervising was an appeal.

The world meshed together, stopping yet moving so quickly that Dib didn't even notice the drive to the apartments until his dad spoke up. Dib opened his door and got out, as he shut the door the car seemed to evaporate as if it were never there to drop him off. The shadows around beckoned Dib to stray from his destined path, but it could have simply been the cold breeze causing things to sway and dance.

A cold wet plip of something fell on Dib's face, followed by another, and another; a small down pour. It hadn't rained since the first day Mister Dwicky took Dib for his first visit out of the asylum.

Dib could do nothing but just stand where he was for so long until he realized it would do no good to get sick. He hurried out of the rain and out of the cold, into the apartment building, holding Skeets as close as he could to protect the plush from getting too wet. As soon as he was inside the walk was instinct. To the elevator, press the button, get on, wait a bit, then stop at the floor, and get off. It was so routine. His mind felt numb the entire time he was walking to that familiar door, and when he stopped all he could do was stare. It took so long until he could finally raise a hand away from Skeets and just barely knock. It probably wouldn't even be heard, but he didn't think he had the courage to do it again.

Though thankfully it was, for there was movement inside the apartment. It didn't take long for Dwicky to open the door, in a rumpled shirt that he probably slept in. His eyes darted instantly down when there was no one at eye level to meet. A wide smile slapped itself on the man's face at first seeing Dib. "Dib! H-" But when he really caught sight of the boy his smile faltered and began to fade, along with his greeting. "Dib, you look awful." His brows furrowed in a worried fashion. "And-.. wet." He reached out a hand to move the dark bangs that clung to the boy's forehead.

Dib squinted one eye almost completely shut. He knew his appearance would more than likely be questioned, but he had hoped it wouldn't be right away. "It's raining." That was all he said to the entire thing, refusing to speak up about anything else. A hand moved down so he could pull at the bottom of his shirt. He felt so fidgety and couldn't help it. "Can I come in?"

Dwicky blinked hard, taken aback but he nodded, stepping back to allow the boy in. "Yes, yes of course." He closed the door after Dib, locking it in habit. "That must be some killer rain." Despite the joke, his expression didn't lighten. "You still have a change of clothes in the bedroom." He gestured loosely, unsure of what to make of Dib's state. "W-what happened with your face? I-it wasn't those girls again was it?" He rested a hand on Dib's shoulder.

The hand caused Dib to tense up and when he realized he had, he tried his best to calm down. It would do no good to act jumpy around Dwicky. The man would know that so much was wrong. "No, it wasn't." Another lie. He was losing count already. He tried to push it to the back of his head, though, and turned around to get out of Dwicky's hold in order to face the other instead. "I can't stay for long. I just came by to see you." 'And if you're gone for far too long, we'll just make that passing observation to your dad.' The small smile he tried to keep on his face fell away.

Dwicky's thick brows raised. Dib was so jumpy, more so than usual. "Here, let me see your face a moment." He tilted Dib's face up with a knuckle to his chin, another hand went to touch the skin beside the horrible bruising, drawing a finger near new bandages. "It looks like the scratches got worse. But they looked fine yesterday. How'd you bruise yourself so badly, Dib?"

Dib moved his face away from Dwicky's fingers and tried his best to look anywhere else but at the other. "I don't know." It was all he could come up with at the moment. He had no other excuses. With a shrug he turned away from Dwicky and headed towards the kitchen, taking Skeets with him. He set the plush on the counter and rummaged through the fridge until he found a soda. He closed the door with an elbow and picked at the lid to the can, not even opening it right away.

Dwicky stood there a moment before finally stepping in the entrance of the kitchen. "I think you do," he finally answered. "What's wrong, Dib? You called last night to talk, but you didn't say anything. You're here to see me, but you seem like you're avoiding me." He walked over to the boy and messed with his dark hair in a poor attempt to help it dry. "Something's bothering you, you can tell me." The man gave a weak smile. "Anything, completely off the record."

Dib's hand stopped even though the can was still closed. His nerves were so bad that his heart felt like it was ready to burst from his chest. He didn't know what to say. He should have expected such a thing when he came by. He tried his best to change the topic. It couldn't hurt and would probably even help him. He hoped. "Dad enrolled me back in Skool." He made sure to stop his voice from shaking before he had actually spoken. "I have to start tomorrow. I'm nervous about it." He finally opened the can and stared inside. He suddenly wasn't thirsty.

"That's good to hear, you're already getting back into the swing of things." Dwicky's weak smile widened some. "Though.. you look a little past nervous and nearer to nervous wreck." He raised a hand to feel Dib's forehead, he was a bit warm, and horribly jittery. He placed a hand on the boy's chest and his eyes widened. "I.. really don't think you need the caffeine." He slipped the can from Dib's hands and put it on the counter. "You look like you could climb the walls and ceiling already. I'll pour you some juice instead." And Dwicky did just that.

Dib took the cup as soon as it was handed to him, but he still did just the same as before. His eyes wouldn't move away from what was inside. He wanted to blurt everything out, to tell Dwicky everything that was going on, but he couldn't. It was safer this way. Safer to lie. The thought caused him to grip the cup tighter in his hands before he finally lifted it up to take a small sip. The small bit of juice really didn't help. He still felt just as sick and it caused him to lower his head even more. "I'll be okay." The words were quiet, but he just wanted Dwicky to stop worrying.

"C'mon, let's go sit down in the living room. It's more comfortable." Dwicky picked up Skeets in one hand and the abandoned cola for himself in the other, and lead Dib out of the kitchen into the main room. "I wasn't doing much of anything when you stopped by. Watching some mindless TV and considering doing some laundry." He thought if he talked about himself, that would encourage Dib to open up, if just a little.

Dib only nodded his head slowly to the words and when he got to the couch he sat down near the end. He kept his eyes down, but slowly he started to speak, trying to find something to say. "I still have a bit more of my room left to clean." It was a safe topic, but he still felt so jumpy the entire time he was speaking. "It's nothing difficult, though. I might be able to get it done when I go home." A small frown came to his lips. It all depended on if the girls wanted to use him for the rest of the day.

Dwicky set Skeets beside Dib before he sat down. "That's good." He gave a slight smile. "Need anymore help?" He reached over and set a hand on the boy's knee. "I promise to keep to myself this time." He chuckled.

The words and one simple touch caused Dib to jump a bit where he sat and he quickly shook his head. "No." He swallowed hard and finally looked at Dwicky with as much of a calm expression as he could bring to his face. "It's alright. I can handle it all." He looked away just as quick and back down inside his cup. "There's not that much left. Besides, it's just stuff that will probably gross you out." He tried his best to laugh at that, but it sounded incredibly weak.

Dwicky retracted his hand and shrugged, rubbing his hand as if it had been bitten; it definitely felt unwanted. "Alright.. well, I'm sure you have it under control." He glanced at the TV, it was nothing worth watching, but he stared at it for a moment. "Soo.. how do you like being out so far?" He then looked back to Dib; he was fishing for topics now, hating that awkward feeling crawling on them.

He hated it. He hated everything about it so far and wanted to say so, but he couldn't. Dib had to pretend that everything was alright even if everything really was awful. "So far it's okay." He ran a finger up and down the cup for a few seconds before he turned his eyes to Dwicky. He didn't like being so distant from the man, but he was scared. What if they could see everything? What if they knew everything? Even just one small touch could make things worse. "I think I'll be able to get used to it. Sorry for worrying you last night."

Dwicky gave a small nod. "It's alright. I'm sure.. you were just nervous.. about your first night out." He gave another slow nod. He then tried to smile again, trying to keep things light, and not to let his mood damper. "Excited about skool tomorrow? Have you met any of your teachers? I know when we talked about it you were really eager." His smile more. "And I'm still on about having a party here. When you've settled in better and made some new friends." Dwicky chuckled a little. "Just don't get too cozy with the skool counselor there."

Dib tried his best to smile at that and he did manage a small twitch of lips before he looked back down. He slowly shook his head and the smile fell just as quickly. "I'm a little excited I guess. I don't know. It's hard to say." It really was. When he had so many thoughts running through his head that he didn't know how to feel about the next day. Skool really was the last thing on his mind at the moment. "We didn't have time for me to meet anyone. I guess I'll just be going straight into things tomorrow."

Dwicky watched Dib. It was so disappointing to see what had made Dib so ecstatic the last couple of weeks to suddenly mean nothing over the span of one night. He leaned his arms on his legs, pressed his hands together for something to do. The conversation felt so dry, so off. "That should be fun.." Dwicky debated if he should press on if other certain people were going to the same skool, but thought better of it. Dib looked preoccupied with enough worry as it was. Dwicky looked down at his hands, pulling them apart and putting them back together, a slow, silent clapping; he soon knitted his own hands together. "Any.. um.. any sort of clubs, after skool clubs you thinking of going into?"

Dib shook his head once more while he moved a hand down to pull at a thread on his jeans. "I'm not sure yet." He let go of the one single thread and instead started to rub at the spot. He just couldn't keep his hands still as much as he tried. "There's probably something I'll like to do. I just have to look into everything and see what interests me most. I want to get as caught up with everything as I can first, though."

"Sounds good." Dwicky stared at his hands. He opened his mouth but closed it again when he had nothing to say to push out of it. He pressed his lips together into a thin line. After a long moment he looked back to Dib and gave a weak grin. "So... how's my tie?"

That question caused Dib to blink his eyes hard. Even with both Skeets and the one piece of Dwicky that the man had left behind it still hadn't kept the nightmares away. He had been lucky to get even an hour worth of peaceful sleep. They were all so much worse. So much more vicious. Even thinking about them caused his hands to shake a bit and he was grateful his hands were busy. "I-It's fine." He turned to look at Dwicky, hoping he didn't really look as scared as he suddenly felt. "I kept it with me last night."

Dwicky sat up, his smile leaving him. He reached over and took the cup from Dib's hand and set it on the table. After he looked back at Dib, really looked at the boy. He gently placed either hand on Dib's shoulders to make the boy face him, though nothing more. He tried to meet Dib's gaze, that's all he wanted right now.

Dib pulled at his shirt with his one empty hand, not able to keep it still. The fabric was twisted between his fingers as he swallowed hard and tried to keep his breath steady. For a second he met Dwicky's eyes, but it was so quick, and right after his eyes were on the cup that was on the table.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Dwicky spoke so very quietly. "I don't have to know everything. You're allowed your own privacy. I can't help asking, and I can't help worrying. It's what I've been paid to do for most of my life." He cracked the smallest of smiles before it was gone again. "But just do me one favour, okay? If you can do this for me, I won't press for what's bothering you." He wanted to raise a hand to the boy's cheek, to give a more personal touch than the plutonic one he was giving but Dib would have just shied away. "Alright?"

Dib kept his eyes on the cup for a bit longer. His one hand that was still on his leg clenched for a few seconds before it finally relaxed. Only then did he turn his eyes back on Dwicky and nod his head slowly.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you're okay, in all honesty." Dwicky quietly spoke. "That's all I need. We all have problems but.. some.." He couldn't help his grip tightening a little on Dib's shoulders. "Something feels so off.. It would just put me at ease.. to hear it one more time, face to face."

Dib frowned, but tried his best to cover it up. For a few seconds his eyes darted over Dwicky's face before he lifted his hands to place them on the man's arms. He kept them there even as he finally spoke up. "I'm okay, really." He was only lying to protect the person in front of him and the thought caused his grip to tighten just a bit.

Dwicky's lips pressed into a thin line, Dib's words felt like such a lie, but he said it looking him straight in the face. It was now just blind faith. He gave a small sad smile glancing down before he looked back at Dib's face. "... I believe you." He finally raised a hand to touch Dib's jaw with just his thumb. "And, I believe in you." Dwicky smiled a little more. He leaned forward to place a kiss on the boy's lips.

Dib didn't lean back, but he didn't press into the kiss either. It was like torture trying to stay so still, when all he really wanted to do was give in like he always did. He hated what was happening, but felt much too nervous to just go along like normal. His hands raised, but instead of moving to bury fingers in Dwicky's hair like usual, he pushed at the man's shoulders. The one-sided kiss was ended and Dib felt even lower.

Dwicky leaned back, confused by stoic reaction and hurt by the rejection. Dib had said he was okay, but it didn't feel that way. It didn't feel 'okay'. But he didn't question it, he said he wouldn't. He raised his own hands, wrapping them around Dib's and just holding them for a moment before he pulled them away, giving them back to Dib. He replaced the nothing in Dib's arms with Skeets, knowing Dib wouldn't turn the plush down. Dwicky gave the smallest of smiles before he turned his eyes to the tv with a blank expression, hands returning to his own lap.

Dib held Skeets as tight as he could, but kept his eyes on Dwicky for a few more moments. He wanted so badly to just be closer to the other like usual. Just to feel better about everything that was going wrong. Instead, he shook his head and looked down at Skeets, hoping that the plush could be of some comfort. One of his hands moved up a tiny bit to trace around one of its eyes as he tried to keep himself calm. Although, with how things were, he already felt like breaking down.

It was at a commercial break on TV that Dwicky finally spoke up again, though it was tentative. "D-do you wanna stay for lunch?" He rubbed his hands together, just to keep from fidgeting himself. He stared at his hands, folding them together as he glanced at Dib, his own dark hair falling into his eyes. "I can make us something or we can go out to eat." He gave a hopeful look.

Dib quickly looked up, startled out of his thoughts at the question. He was about to say no and find some way out of it, but stopped just as quickly. Tak and Gaz would be at Skool for a while, he could afford to stay for lunch. As much as he would have liked to go out to eat, he couldn't do that, though. "Y-Yeah, sure. I'll stay." His hands clutched Skeets a bit tighter. "Can we stay here, though? Just the two of us?"

Dwicky visibly perked at that. "Of course. Anything for you, kiddo." He stood up, smoothing down the front of his shirt, but the wrinkles wouldn't obey the motions of his hands and he quickly gave up. Rolling up his sleeves one after the other he gave a small grin. "What would you like?"

Dib loosened up his grip on Skeets as he looked up at Dwicky. He didn't really think food would appeal to him when earlier he had barely touched the one muffin he had at all. He did feel a little hungry and hoped that when all was said and done, he wouldn't feel sick afterwards. "Some soup would be fine, and maybe chicken if you have some." He could at least try to stomach all he could.

"I can see you live adventurously, my little friend." Dwicky gave a small smirk. He offered a hand to Dib. "Want to help me make it? It'll take your mind off of, mm, whatever it is." His smirk got a little sly. "I'll even let you wear the apron." he jokingly coaxed.

Dib took the hand offered and stood up, even if a little shaky. The words Dwicky said had him tensing up, but he tried to brush them off as best he could without hurting the other's feelings. "Are you sure that would be a good idea?" He took his hand back and buried it in the plush he held. "I mean, I did sort of burn every single pancake I tried to cook last time as well as a pan."

"I ate one after you left, and I didn't feel completely sick after." Dwicky lightly grasped Dib's arm, since the boy didn't want to give him his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. "Besides, how could I resist a little Dib in the kitchen offering to make pancakes? It was the sentiment that over powered any bad taste. And practice makes perfect, anyway."

Dib stumbled just a bit at the sudden pull, but was able to follow once he got a hold of himself. As upset as he was, he really couldn't help the tiny smile that made it's way onto his face at Dwicky's words. "Well, it's good to know that my cooking didn't make you want to throw up more than you already did beforehand."

The smile was victory enough and Dwicky couldn't help but smiling wider after. "I can tell you with a vote of confidence that I don't buy corn because I like to eat it." He rolled his sleeves up higher and rubbed his hands together. "Alright. Soup and chicken. How would you like our chicken?"

Dib set Skeets aside once more on the counter. He felt well enough for the moment to not have to hang onto the plush. "Fried is fine with me." For a a tiny second everything seemed normal and he wanted it to stay that way, but the guilt was still there. He refused to let it eat at him, though. Instead, he hoped up on the counter closest to Dwicky and kicked his feet as he smiled as best he could at the man.

"Then fried you shall have it." Dwicky went to the freezer and got out the chicken, then went to a bottom cupboard and got out a frying pan. Dusting his hands off he went into the cupboard and sifted through the many canned goods. His spirits perked when Dib seemed to be, and it showed it the man's voice. "What kind of soup would you like?"

"Tomato, please." Dib watched Dwicky as the man moved around. Hearing the sudden perk in the other's voice helped Dib feel a little better. He would pretend as best he could, despite how incredibly twitchy he felt. "Hey, maybe after we eat I could help you clean out your closet like I said I would." One of his hands gripped the edge of the counter hard. "I mean, just to get started on it until I have to leave."

"My closet?" Dwicky held the can of tomato soup as he thought about the contents of his closet. Suddenly his cheeks tinged a warmer colour, the warmth spreading down his neck. He gave a small nervous laugh as he handed the can of soup to Dib to hold for him a minute. "I suppose. Though I would have preferred to filter through it myself, make it child friendly before actually getting help." He went to work frying the chicken, leaving it a moment to seek out a pot for the soup. "I really can't remember too well what horror might lurk in there." Dwicky grinned slyly some. "But I have a few ideas."

Dib spun the can around in his hands, toying with it. He couldn't help smiling a little as he looked at Dwicky. "Child friendly, huh? Funny how you worry about that now." He moved one hand away from the can to wiggle his fingers around. "I'm sure I can handle any dirty little secret that you're hiding away." His smile fell away for a split second. That phone call last night. Everything he had heard. It still hurt. His hand fell back down to grip tightly around the can and the smile fell back in place as if it had never left.

"Ever heard the turn of phrase 'skeletons in your closet'? Heh, well, I had a bad tendency to throw things that didn't suit me into my closet. 'Out of sight, out of mind.' Of course, at the same time it made a good place to bury things I didn't want people to find in there as well." Dwicky gave a slight shrug. "If they wanted to dig through it, well, that was their funeral." He had to chuckle for what he was going to say next. "I guess you could call me a 'closet case'."

Even with his sudden thoughts, Dib's curiosity got the best of him. "So, there's things in there that even you don't like to look at?" He straightened up a bit and chewed at his lip for a few moments. His feet hit the cabinet below him, but slowed to a stop as he finally spoke up. "You don't mind if I see what's in there, do you? No matter what it is."

Dwicky dug through a drawer. "I think you might be a little too young to see some of the things in there." He gave the boy a sly look and squiggled his brows. "Here. This is much more family channel and safe." He handed Dib a can opener, shutting the drawer with his hip.

Dib took the can opener and just held it for a few moments. "Am not." It was a stubborn response, but the answer he had gotten hurt a bit. After everything about himself that he had shared with Dwicky and everything he had shown the man, it really did hurt. The thoughts from before had come back once more and caused him to swallow hard as he finally moved the can opener and started to open up the soup.

Dwicky shook his head in a good natured fashion. "I'm teasing." He reached over and brushed a few strands of Dib's hair away with his pinky in a small show of affection. "Just teasing." He gave a small sigh but still managed to smile. "Though I really doubt you want to see an old man's smut collection." He gave a very nervous and mostly embarrassed laugh as he went back to cooking the chicken, busying himself.

The words had Dib easing up just a bit and his eyes moving over to Dwicky. He pushed every ill thought he had aside for the moment, just wanting to ignore it all. "Well, you did say I was a pervert. Besides, I think it will be interesting to see what you have stashed away from before we met." Since he wasn't paying attention, the lid to the soup dropped inside the can and it caused him to quickly look down. He set the can opener aside and went about trying to pry the lid out with his fingers, licking them off once he got the lid out.

"Would it help my case if I said they were a friends?" Dwicky turned the heat low on the chicken and thought about it for a second. "No. No it wouldn't." He wrinkled his nose. "Used smut.. that..-that just sounds wrong." He took the soup from Dib and poured it into the pot, adding milk he began to stir it. "Though.. there is something else in there." His stirring began to slow when he really thought about it.

Dib had looked a bit grossed out at what Dwicky said. He shook his head a bit as he tried not to think on it too much, and wiped his fingers, which he had just licked, off on his pants. The last few words out of Dwicky's mouth caused him to eye the man before he spoke up. "Should I be afraid to ask?"

The man shook his head. "Nnno. No, I-I don't think so anyway." He looked at Dib with a smirk. "It isn't perverse. At least.. when used right. Hm." Dwicky stirred the contents of the pot for a bit longer before he let it alone to get them plates and bowls. "I'll bring it out after we eat." He handed the dishes to Dib. "Could you set the table, please."

Dib gave Dwicky another skeptical look, but finally shrugged his shoulders as he took the dishes. He hopped down off of the counter and made his way over to the table, setting the plates down at each seat since there were only two places to start with. Once he was done he turned around and walked back over to Dwicky to look past the man. Against his better judgment, he moved his arms around the other and rested his head near Dwicky's back even though everything in his head was screaming at him not to.

Dwicky went rigid a second, not expecting the sudden show of affection. But really, he was grateful for it, it eased a little worry, and that's probably why he thought Dib did it. He rested a hand on Dib's, softly petting the smaller hand. He didn't say anything right away, he didn't want Dib to move, and it felt as if this would be the only scrap of affection that would be thrown his way in a long while. When Dwicky did speak, it was quiet, and he was in no hurry to have his request obeyed. "..Utensils too, please."

Dib only nodded his head, but didn't move at all. He kept right where he was and even moved his hand just a bit to grab onto Dwicky's own, keeping the man's hand right where it was. He stared blankly at the pan, his thoughts on too much else to really care about the food inside. He didn't like being distant, he wanted to stay like he was and if anything, never go back to his real home. "I love you." The words came out just a little shaky, so afraid that they would be heard by anyone but the person they were meant for.

Dwicky gave Dib's hand a squeeze. He looked at the pot and pan and turned the burners off. His heart quickened and he suddenly felt nervous, worrying that if he turned, or did something wrong, the boy would turn away and the unspoken rift would come back between them. With his free hand Dwicky softly rubbed Dib's arm. "I love you, Dib." he finally spoke, wishing he could add more, but he didn't feel so brave to chance ending the fragile moment.

The words spoken back to him caused Dib to let out a small breath against Dwicky's shirt, ruffling up the already wrinkled fabric. He still didn't move even though he knew he should have, but he just wanted to hold on a little longer. He nuzzled his face against Dwicky's back for a few seconds and closed his eyes. He wanted to just fall asleep for how tired he still was and it caused his grip to tighten a bit more.

"It'll be okay." Dwicky finally spoke up again. "Whatever it is, it'll be okay. We'll get through it." He wanted to turn around and hold the boy, but Dib had such a tight grip and seemed so settled, so he let the idea alone and settled for stroking Dib's arm. "Just.. please don't push me away." His one hand squeezed Dib's a little more. "I just want to help you.. That's all I've wanted."

Dib took in a deep breath and his eyes opened back up. Those words made him think about his situation once more and his grip eased up just a bit on Dwicky. For a few more seconds he stayed as he was before he freed himself, only to turn the other around. He leaned up on his tip toes as he moved just one of his hands up to pull Dwicky's head down and placed a small kiss on the other's lips. When he pulled back he gave a tiny smile as he started to speak up. "I know, and I'm sorry that I've been worrying you. I just have a lot on my mind. I'm sure it'll go away soon." He still felt guilty for lying, but he wanted to try to keep things normal. At least for a little bit.

Dwicky smiled a little more, happy to get his proper kiss and easily placated by it, though he wasn't about to let Dib go just yet. He slipped his arms around Dib's waist, hugging the boy close since he couldn't before. "You're forgiven. I guess I just have a bad habit of expecting the worst, just so when something truly terrible happens it won't hit me so hard. You're right, I'll back off. You'll tell me when you're ready to talk." He wanted to really cuddle the boy, squeeze him tight and really tell him that it was going to be okay, that he could take away whatever it was that was bothering him away. And just kiss him until things were right again. But he couldn't, things didn't work like that, and life wasn't that easy nor romantically inclined. Instead Dwicky just rested his head atop Dib's and hoped the boy didn't pull away anytime soon.

Dib moved his arms back down to rest around Dwicky as he closed his eyes once more. He had no intention of pulling away and instead, toyed with the bottom of Dwicky's shirt. "I'll be okay. You shouldn't have to worry all the time." The words were quiet as he spoke them. "Once I start Skool tomorrow things will be better." At least he hoped so. Maybe the girls would be too busy and never find time to bug him during those hours. Maybe after a while they would even forget. "Just, step by step, right?"

Dwicky nodded against the top of Dib's head. "Step by step." He held the boy just that much tighter, happy for now that he could. "I'll be right here." He placed a small kiss atop the boy's head before resting his own back down.

The small kiss helped Dib feel even better and his worries slowly vanished bit by bit. He could deal with everything later when the time came and he was back home. For the moment all he wanted to do was spend time with Dwicky and actually feel normal. He moved his arms up the man's shirt to move fingers along his sides as he opened his eyes. As much as he didn't want to, he pulled back a bit to look up at Dwicky, but he gave the man a smile as he did. "I'll get the utensils like you asked. Hurry up and finish. I'm hungry and still curious as to what you're gonna show me." He gave a small grin at that and leaned up once more to kiss the other's lips again before he turned around to rummage through the drawers.

Things felt better and it had Dwicky giving a new smile. He picked up the pot, stirring it around before he went over and poured some for both of them in the bowls on the table. The fried chicken was next and he put some on their plates, putting the frying pan on the stove. "I hope you like it. I know you're not picky, but I'm striving for perfection. Just for you." He ruffled Dib's hair some playfully.

"Well, then I'll just have to see how good of a job you did." Dib teased as he handed Dwicky some silverware and walked over to his seat to sit down. He only glanced at the food for a small second before he was digging into it. It really was good, but he held off showing any sort of appeal to the food for a little longer. He figured he might as well have some fun. As he licked each of his fingers free of grease from the chicken, he turned his eyes to Dwicky and gave the man a thoughtful look. "I don't know. I guess it's okay."

Dwicky sat down across from Dib. "Only 'okay'? Then maybe I do need more practice." He gave a dramatic sigh. "I guess I'll just have to cook for you more. Everyday, any chance I get. I'll chain myself to the kitchen, perfecting my culinary skills until I satisfy my man's appetite properly." He ate a spoon full of soup. "Mm." He pulled the spoon out and pointed to Dib with a grinning smirk. "The soup is from a can, so you can complain to me about that."

Dib tasted the soup after Dwicky spoke and gave a mock pout. "Aww, but the soup tastes so good. You should take lessons from the can." He moved his eyes back to Dwicky and tried his best to hide the smile that wanted to come to his face, but he couldn't. In the end he started laughing, his spoon dropping into the bowl as he went back to picking at his chicken.

Dwicky looked over at the can still on the counter. "Beaten by a can." He sighed but ended up laughing. "How sad. Is there more I should know about this can? Are there other things he bests me at?" He snuck a hand across the table to steal one of Dib's hands, leaning forward to kiss each knuckle. "He's not more suave than I, is he?"

Dib couldn't help the twitch of his fingers as he glanced back at Dwicky. The expression on his own face became playful as he shrugged his shoulders. "Well, he does whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I can't help but be drawn in by every single word." He bit his lip to keep more laughter in, and soon bit at a piece of chicken to keep himself quiet.

Dwicky gave a little sad groan. "But are his nothings as sweet as mine?" He ran a few fingers along the underside of Dib's arm, turning the boy's hand over so he could kiss his palm. After he drew a little heart around the spot and curled Dib's fingers around so he could keep hold of the 'kiss'. He then sealed it with a kiss to Dib's fingers. "My nothings always mean something." He murmured there.

The gesture caused Dib to keep still for a few moments. He actually forgot he had been eating until he finally swallowed and the act caused him to blink his eyes. He easily got a hold of himself and smiled a bit. Since his hand was still greasy, he moved his foot up under the table, and let it slide along Dwicky's own. "Your nothings mean everything."

Dwicky ran his fingers up along the boy's forearm and he kissed Dib's wrist and up a few. He peered up from Dib's arm with a small smile. "So, you love me more than Romeo soup can?" His toes curled and uncurled against Dib's foot.

Dib let a small grin come over his face. "So much more." He freed his arm just so he could move his hand up and run his fingers through Dwicky's hair. "I have to admit, you're more appealing than a soup can anyway." He let his hand fall and trailed his fingers down the man's neck instead. "Much more attractive." His hand moved up to twirl the gold stud in the man's ear that he always loved to lick.

Dwicky gave a soft laugh. "Glad I'm more attractive than a tomato soup can." He rested his hand on Dib's hand, leaning towards the touch, drawing his own hand down Dib's arm to softly run his hand up and down. His eyes fell closed. "Guess I shouldn't take you shopping. Whole shelves full of soup cans, and not just tomato.. but a whole assortment." He gave a soft sound. "It would be sad to lose you to chicken noodle.. or cream of mushroom. Those.. deliciously.. crafty.. jerks."

Dib shook his head and started to pull his hand back, but not before trying to push back the strands of hair that fell over Dwicky's forehead. They still fell down anyway, but it was starting to become a habit and Dib never could keep his fingers away from Dwicky's hair. "You're food is going to get cold." He curled his toes as he slid his foot up the other's leg. "All of that hard work and you're going to let it go to waste. Such a shame."

"It's for a good cause." Dwicky grinned some. "And I'm sure that's why microwaves were invented. For older men to romance little boys." Though he picked up his spoon anyway and continued to eat his soup. He tried the chicken. "Hey, this is better than 'okay'." He sent a playful glare Dib's way.

Dib tried to act completely innocent as he picked at his chicken once more. "Is it really?" He popped a piece in his mouth and chewed on it. "Hmm, you're right." He grinned for a moment, teasing Dwicky once again. "I must have hit a bad spot." He shrugged his shoulders and wiped off his hands before he started on his soup.

Dwicky shook his head as he ate. "Such a tease. It's going to get you into trouble ya'know." He took a few more bites of chicken, swallowing before he spoke. "I'll go get our drinks." He got up to fetch them from the living room a good few steps away.

The words caused Dib to drop the spoon back into the bowl as he stared wide eyed ahead at the empty seat. The loud noise startled him and he quickly picked the utensil back up into his shaking hand, trying not to think about what was just said. He was trying to forget about everything. Dwicky hadn't meant anything by it. It was just his own paranoia getting the best of him.

Dib's cup was set beside him, Dwicky's pop beside him as he sat down. "So, buying your skool supplies today?" He picked up his pop to take a long drink from it.

Dib looked back up at the question. He hadn't even noticed that Dwicky had come back in the room, so the man's voice had startled him. "I don't really know." He looked back down and stirred his soup a bit, before taking in a spoonful. When he was able to speak again he shrugged his shoulders. "Dad didn't say anything about it. I guess we might be. I would need to." He looked back up at the other as he went on. "I guess if anything I can go out later and get them. It's pretty simple to know what I need."

"Binders, paper, pencils, pens, erasers. Even a lab monkey could do it." Dwicky leaned his head in his hand, glancing away knowing he was speaking bitterly of the boy's father. But his resentment was growing with each meeting with the other man. He drummed his fingers against his head, giving a sigh as he looked back to Dib. "If he forgets, tell me, I'll slap a social service lawsuit on him." He rubbed his face, his brows and sighed again. "Sorry.. sorry. Sometimes your dad grates me. It's in one ear and out the other." He gestured from one ear with one hand out the other with his other hand. "For a genius, he's rather.." He waved a hand cutting himself off. "Sorry, sorry again. It's hard not to be opinionated, and the circumstances let me do little about it." Dwicky gave a weak smile Dib's way. "Four years..", he thudded his cheek back in his hand to lean on, "..it's such a long time. Especially since I just want to run away with you right now."

Dib clenched his spoon tightly as he continued to look at Dwicky. He suddenly felt like he wanted to break down all over again, but he couldn't. Now wasn't the time. Instead, he looked back down at his bowl, stirring what was inside as his appetite was slowly leaving him. "You mean it?" His voice was quiet when he spoke up and it was almost hard to hear. "We'll leave and just go away? You really meant it when you said that?" He gave a weak smile and blinked his eyes hard to get rid of the sting behind them. "No one will have to know?"

Dwicky gave a slow nod, watching Dib a moment. "Of course." he answered quietly. He ran his foot against Dib's under the table. "It'll be hell to wait, but I meant every word. Anywhere you want." His expression softened, though his brows furrowed sadly. He set his hands on the table, looking at them a moment before looking back to Dib. "I'll wait for you Dib.. I made you wait three years, I can wait four for you."

Dib looked back up at those words and his smile widened just a bit. He moved his free hand up to rub under his glasses, quickly moving it back down as if the action had never taken place. "Somewhere far away from here where no one can find us. I think I would like that." He looked back down and moved his spoon around once more. "No one has to know us and we don't even have to talk to anyone we used to know. I'm just happy being with you. It's the only time I feel happy." When he was done speaking he finally lifted the spoon and placed it in his mouth, keeping it there for a bit.

Dwicky gave a small sigh, not feeling so hungry anymore himself. He pushed the dishes aside and set his elbow there instead so he could rest his head back on his hand to watch Dib. "You really don't like your family much, do you? Or this city?" he asked rather quietly.

Dib dropped the spoon back down and much like Dwicky he pushed his food to the side. He rested his arms on the table and let his head fall down on top of them, looking across at the other, but just as quickly averting his eyes a split second after. "I want to, but, a lot of things just cause me to hate both of them." He buried his face a bit after the words as if he would be scolded for saying them. "I know it's a bad thing to say, especially about my family, but I can't help but feel that way."

A hand pet through Dib's hair, running through the dark strands gently. "Personally? In all honesty? And completely off the record? I don't blame you. Everyone has their faults, but theirs..-theirs is a bit much. And the people in this city aren't much better, or all that bright either. They don't see what's right in front of their eyes." The last had more meaning than one to it.

Dib raised his eyes at that last part, but the hand through his hair subdued him enough that he didn't think long on it. He let his head fall back down and shut his eyes for just a little bit. Though, his words were a little slurred from being so relaxed suddenly as he spoke up again. "Maybe it will just take them time. Who knows..."

Dwicky rested his own head on an arm, though he continued to run his fingers through Dib's hair, petting the boy's head. "Heh.. well, they have four years. After that, tough luck."

Four years. The realization had Dib closing his eyes tightly as he thought of everything he would have to deal with if the girls didn't forget. It could become extremely unbearable. He was hardly able to deal with last night and the morning after. It was hard to imagine what four years would be like. Just like everything else, though, he pushed it to the back of his mind and slowly lifted his head off the table, looking back at Dwicky. As he did, one of his hands moved to grab at the man's that had fallen from his head, gripping it and linking their fingers together for a short moment as he tried to change the subject. "Since it seems like we're both finished eating, don't you have something to show me?" He gave a weak grin.

"Oh, yea. It's in the bedroom." Dwicky gave a weak smirk. "And no, it's not that. You've already seen that." He rose from his seat, still keeping Dib's hand in his and walked from the table, bringing Dib with him. "In the closet, buried way in the back."

Dib blushed just a bit at what Dwicky said as he followed along behind the man. His curiosity was getting to him again and as soon as they were in the bedroom, Dib was almost bouncing on his toes, much too anxious to see whatever it was that Dwicky was hiding.

Dwicky stole a quick kiss. "Just hold on while I find it." He let go of Dib's hand and walked over to the closet. He let out a slow breath; this was going to be an adventure. He pushed some clothes aside and began to dig around, making idle comments about his junk. "At least there's nothing once living in here." He couldn't help the joke, remembering Dib's closet and room. "Just a lot of dust bunnies. Whole families of them." He stood up to sneeze, waving an idle hand. "As you can see." He dug around a bit more and pulled out a scuba diving flipper, and blinked at it. "Now.. why I have this, I really have no idea."

Dib had frowned at that one comment and sat down on the bed after. He tried his best not to fidget, but it was hard. He was never the most patient person in the world. The random flipper caused him to blink and a small smirk came to his face. "At least I know why I have most of the things that are hiding in my closet."

Dwicky tossed the flipper and went back to digging through the junk inside. He pushed things aside and tossed others. He made a disappointed sound as he stood back again. "Where did..-I know I put it in here." He looked the contents over before looking up. "Oh! There." He reached up to the top shelf and tugged a rather strange looking duffle bag down. Walking over to Dib he set the bag beside the boy on the bed and unzipped it. He reached inside and oh so carefully he pulled out a horribly familiar video camera. "I've been meaning to give this back.. to you." Dwicky spoke so quietly. "I lost the tape.. sorry."

Dib didn't know what to do. All he could really do was stare at something he thought had been lost to him so long ago. Dwicky's last few words had him frowning, but still he slowly got up the courage to finally move his hands out and take the camera from the man's hands. He looked the old piece of equipment over and couldn't help but try and see the proof for himself. His hands opened the case up and sure enough it was empty. It had Dib's whole body slumping, but he didn't let it get him down completely. He still held onto the camera tightly as if it were a life line. "I...didn't really think you would have kept it..." He kept his eyes on it even after he spoke.

Dwicky moved the bag down so he could sit next to the boy. "I watched the tape.. w-who knows how many times. Over and over.. Each time I finished watching it I didn't think I could feel any worse, until I watched it again.. and I did." He gave a small sad laugh, a little forced. "It annoyed my friends to no end." He folded his hands together, watching them. "I had to. It is your camera after all." He glanced at Dib.

Dib continued to keep his eyes on the camera. One of his fingers moved along the edge of it as he spoke up once again. "I guess I just didn't think you would have held onto something that wasn't yours. I mean, I didn't think it would matter." He shook his head and let his finger drop. "Things were different back then." He stayed silent for a bit longer before he moved a bit to lean against Dwicky's side. With one hand he lifted up the camera to place it against his eye. It was turned off at the moment, but he just wanted to play with it. "We should go back there. To that one spot."

Dwicky raised a hand to rest it on Dib's head. "The woods?" He blinked, raising his brows curiously. "Why?"

"You lost the tape, right?" Dib moved the camera back down to his lap and turned his attention to Dwicky. "And you said that when you watched it you just felt worse every time you did anyway, right?" He gave a small smile. "So, let's go back there and make a new tape, but this time one with better memories." He looked back down at the camera and fiddled with the case. "It doesn't even have to be anything special. We could just go there and stay for a bit. Maybe even look at the stars like we did on the roof." He clenched his hand closed tightly. "Maybe, I could get away from the house for a little bit so we could." He looked back up at Dwicky.

"New memories.." Dwicky stared at the video camera, almost through it. "A new recording." His brows furrowed and he sniffed, closing his eyes a moment before he glanced down at Dib's hopeful expression. "Yea. That sounds like a good idea. A very good idea." He ran his fingers through Dib's hair, combing it back. "I want to look at the stars again with you." He gave a very small chuckle. "Hopefully it won't rain again.. then again-" Dwicky placed a brief affectionate kiss on Dib's lips "hopefully it does."

Dib smiled at that and turned his head to rest it on Dwicky's shoulder as he started to fiddle with the camera. "I wouldn't mind it." His finger found the switch to the camera, but having not been charged, the piece of equipment refused to turn on. He lifted it up once again and turned it around in his hands, still amazed that he actually had it back. "At least we'll have somewhere to go, just us, until you can take me away."

"Rewriting bad karma." Dwicky looked back to the camera as well, just as mesmerized by it as Dib seemed to be. It was like a phantom from a bad memory, a token of something that either of them had tried to forget; Dib had, Dwicky hadn't let himself. To write over bad history, to make a good situation of a bad one- it was absolutely text book; but that suited Dwicky just fine. "Not that I believe in all that bunk but it can't hurt." Not anymore than it had already. He ran his hand along Dib's thin arm to rest over the boy's own on the camera. "It'll be like a home movie, just, not at home." He gave a small chuckle. "I'll keep the tape.. so, it'll be safe, and we'll have no worries." His other hand slipped to Dib's front, running down to gently run along Dib's thigh in innocent affection.

Dib nodded his head at the last few words Dwicky said. He suddenly realized that with this idea he was only giving the girls more evidence, but he stopped that train of thought just as quickly as it came to him. He refused to think about it anymore and Dwicky's hand allowed him to relax as best his could. His hand that was on the camera grabbed the man's that was on top of it as his other picked the camera back up. He became curious once more as he looked it over and couldn't help speaking up. "Did you end up recording anything else on the tape?" He gave a small smile. "I mean, before you started obsessively watching it."

Dwicky blinked slowly, looking at their hands. He took Dib's properly in his, letting Dib hold his and in turn him holding Dib's. "I thought about it.. A lot of, actually. About recording over the entire tape, wiping everything away and just.. moving on." He gave Dib's hand a small squeeze. "I almost did a few times. So close to pressing the record button.. but I didn't." He ran his thumb against Dib's knuckles, staring at their hands but seeing the memories he spoke about instead. "I recorded a few things after it.. here and there, scenery as we traveled." The man smiled sadly. "... Nothing great."

Dib looked back at Dwicky and blinked his eyes at the other's sudden change in mood. It caused a small frown to come to his own face and his eyes to drop back down to the camera. He stayed silent for a little bit before he finally shook his head and let go of the camera, setting it aside on the bed. He then got up while letting go of Dwicky's hand and moved around in front of the other. In one small movement he straddled Dwicky's lap, wrapping his legs behind the man and placing his hands behind Dwicky's neck. "The next video will be better. There will be nothing to regret on it. Whenever one of us watches it we'll actually be happy." He ran a few fingers up and down the back of Dwicky's neck as he looked the man in the eyes. "There will be no reason for you to record over it."

Dwicky lowered his head until it softly clunked against Dib's and he smiled a little more. He slipped his arms loosely around the boy's hips. "You know.. you can be very charming.. sometimes." he spoke quietly. He raised a hand to brush a few fingers along bruised cheek, tracing a small heart before he slowly traced Dib's jaw line.

Dib leaned into the touch as a wide smile came to his face. "I try, just for you." He moved in a bit to place a quick kiss on Dwicky's lips and pulled back just a bit after, but kept the contact between them. One of his hands moved back around to place itself on top of Dwicky's own that was still near his face, speaking up quietly after. "Thank you, for giving it back. For keeping it." He squeezed Dwicky's hand a bit. "For not forgetting about me."

Dwicky didn't think he should be thanked, not at all, but rather than argue back he accepted it with more of a smile and a quick kiss of his own, smiling more after. He slipped his free hand under Dib's shirt, running his fingers over skin and unintentionally over bruised skin from last night's confrontation.

Dib had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the noise that wanted to escape his mouth. The action didn't stop him from tensing up, though, and he knew Dwicky would more than likely notice. He tried his best to act as if nothing had happened and eased up once more, but it still hurt. His one hand was holding tightly to Dwicky's shirt and when he realized it, he quickly let go.

The man paused, looking at Dib rather confused. His hand lowered down to rest at Dib's hip, noticing the tense reaction at the touch. He seemed to hover on reactions as he quietly questioned the boy ".. What's wrong?"

Dib bit at his lip for a few moments not sure at all how to answer the other. At least not without giving anything away. He tried to cover up the long moment of silence as best he could and moved a hand to cover up the one Dwicky had lowered. "Your hand was cold, that's all." It was a lame excuse, especially when Dwicky's hand felt just fine, but he couldn't think of anything else.

"Cold?" Dwicky blinked, taking his hand back, feeling it against his cheek. "It doesn't feel cold." Dwicky placed his hands on the boy's hips lifting him up so he could move onto knees so he could dump Dib on his back on the bed, keeping himself propped up on arms over the boy. "I don't want to call you a liar, Dib. But you're not the best at it." Despite Dwicky gave the boy a little smirk.

Dib had let out a small noise at the sudden treatment, but quickly covered it up. He raised his eyes to look up at Dwicky and couldn't help fidgeting with his own shirt, especially at the words Dwicky said. "I'm not a liar." Which was just another lie and it caused him to look down instead at his hands. He just wanted to drop the whole subject and forget about it.

Dwicky's thick brows rose and his eyes sifted almost shut as he gave the boy a rather sly look. "Then you won't mind if I lift your shirt up, perhaps off." His hand snuck to the bottom of Dib's shirt, taking the end of it. "To innocently kiss and lick the skin underneath, of course."

Dib quickly shook his head and moved his hands on top of Dwicky's own to stop the man. "No, don't." It felt so weird to actually stop Dwicky and he hated to do it, but he couldn't let the other see what the girls had done. He wouldn't be able to explain it. "I have to go soon anyway." He took his hands back and looked back up while trying to keep his voice from shaking. "And I'm sure in the end it won't just be my shirt that will come off." He gave a weak smile.

Dwicky raised a brow and he sat back some, eyes falling down to Dib's middle. "Give me a little more credit than that." Dib wasn't fooling anyone and he knew it. So both of his hands went to Dib's shirt and yanked it up when the boy was busy replying.

Dib's eyes widened and his voice stopped short. The smile fell from his face and he quickly tried to stop Dwicky from yanking his shirt up, but the man had already pulled most of it up by them time he was able to try and yank it back down. That one fact caused Dib to give in and drop his hands back down with a shaky noise as he looked away. He was too scared to look at Dwicky.

Dib could feel Dwicky's gaze follow over each welt, he could imagine the horror on his face or concern that would furrow his brows until something ached. He could feel slow, ever so careful fingers touch over the worst of bruises at his ribs, touching so gently like anything beneath his fingers could collapse from it and shatter away. But worst of all Dib could fell Dwicky's head fall on the unmarred part of his chest, his shoulders slumping heavily and there was something defeated in the action. "W-why, Dib?" The man's quiet voice shook.

Dib couldn't answer that question. He wanted to so badly, but he couldn't. Instead, he lifted his hands back up and wrapped them around the back of Dwicky's head, burying his fingers in the man's hair as he looked down at him. He didn't really know what to say. Everything that would come out of his mouth would end up giving away what was going on. So, he spoke the only safe words he could and the only real words he knew to say. "It's not that bad."

Dwicky's shoulders tensed, tightened, but not from the touch. He gave into the touch, burying his face more so against the boy's chest; he couldn't look at Dib, but he wanted to be closer than before. "That's not good enough," his tone broke and he slowly shook his head.

One of Dib's hands tightened into a fist at those words. He didn't know what else to say. They would tell and then he would have nothing. He wouldn't have Dwicky anymore. It was safer just to stay silent and pretend the situation had never happened, despite how upset they both were and the evidence that was so clear.

Dwicky's shoulders began to shake and he retracted one of his hands from Dib's shirt to his own hidden face. He didn't move after that, or say anything, just gave a wet sniff and kept his head heavily against Dib's chest.

The movement and sound caused Dib to frown. He had never meant to upset Dwicky. He had never even meant for the man to find out. Slowly he moved his hands down and pulled at Dwicky's shirt to coax the man further up his body. Once they were face to face he moved his hands up to move his thumbs across the other's cheeks. He tried to give a small smile, but it didn't want to stay. "It'll be okay, really."

Dwicky raised a hand to rub the wet away from his eyes, his cheeks growing warmer to be caught in such a state. Though he couldn't find himself to look at Dib. The bruises were there too, proof of something that Dib didn't want to say. "Did they do it?" he asked in a quiet ragged tone. "Did he do it? Your dad? Some random guy on the street? Did you do it?" Dwicky shook his head and rubbed his forehead with his pinky and ring finger. "..Bruises don't just happen on their own. I don't get it, Dib." He desperately searched Dib's face for an answer that he wouldn't give.

Dib tensed up once more at each of the last few things Dwicky said. His hands that were still near the man's face twitched for a moment before going slack again. He tried to keep as calm as he could, but he was much too scared. Dwicky wanted answers that he couldn't give. "It's nothing to worry about." That time his voice actually shook, but he couldn't help it. "Really, it's not."

Dwicky crawled closer, hugging his arms at Dib's shoulders, he rested his cheek beside Dib's, his forehead against the boy's clavicle. "If it's nothing to worry about.. why can't you tell me?" His fingers played at Dib's hair, running through it almost meekly, though it was tough to say just who he was trying to comfort.

Dib swallowed hard and knew the action would be felt. Everything was becoming harder and harder to answer. His hands moved back around Dwicky's neck and he rested his head on top of the man's own. He tried to think of something to say and after a few moments he spoke up. "Because, it's something that I can handle."

That had Dwicky slumping heavily, he couldn't keep himself up anymore. Perhaps it was a motion of defeat, for he didn't say anything after that.

Dib kept the small sound in, that the entire situation had him wanting to let out. He felt horrible and the sick feeling from before was starting to come back as well. There was nothing else he could say and he was too afraid to say anything else, anyway. He buried his face against Dwicky's hair and tried to curl in closer to the man. It was the only real comfort he could give while he tried to push the sickness away.

Eventually Dwicky moved, shifting to his side so he could wrap his arms around Dib's waist, it was a needy action, though the strength behind it was weak. He rubbed his face against Dib's chest, burying it against the gathered fabric of the boy's shirt. He curled closer, taking such pathetic comfort in someone who he'd always been the one to give comfort to. Things shouldn't have been falling to pieces, not when everything had been so perfect, so whole yesterday. It wasn't suppose to feel so estranged, this boy in his arms; the tighter he held him, the further Dib felt so far away.

Dib didn't protest at all and kept his arms around Dwicky even when the man moved. The fact that it was easy to tell Dwicky was so upset made Dib feel even worse. He had tried to make the best out of the small visit to the apartment, but it hadn't gone well at all. His arms tightened just a bit and he finally spoke up once again, afraid that at any moment Dwicky would suddenly be snatched away from him. "I love you so much."

Those few words caused a shiver that could be felt throughout Dwicky. He felt so disgusted with himself, that he couldn't do anything but break down on the someone who needed him most to be strong. But he just couldn't right now, not after what Dib just said; it hurt too much. He tried, but he was just as human.

Dwicky's shoulders shook and the choked sob that he'd fought so desperately to keep inside was let out. One step forward, six steps back. he tried to return Dib's sentiment but his voice cracked and all he could do was cling tighter and hope that was enough;.. but it wasn't.

The one small sob that Dib heard caused him to let out a tiny noise of his own. He felt more and more like breaking down and just telling Dwicky everything, but he didn't doubt at all that the girls would keep their word. It was so hard to stay silent, though. Especially when it was hurting them both. So, he tried to give what little comfort he could, moving one of his hands down along Dwicky's back and under the man's shirt. He ran his hand up and down much like the other would do to him on so many occasions. His other hand moved through Dwicky's hair as he tried his best to sooth him.

Dib could feel Dwicky silently shake, the man's shoulders tightening as he tried to keep each involuntary sob silent, but it seemed to do little good. Dwicky wanted to apologize, pull himself together, but he couldn't, he just couldn't. Dib was the only one who knew everything, that was giving him the comfort he needed so badly, but it was Dib who he was worried senseless about. It was all crashing down, all the guilt, worse than it had in the bathroom at the mental hospital, for now he had someone to cling to. But he knew if he let out the noise, the sob he wanted to, that he wouldn't stop and he'd fall apart, throwing himself into confession right there and then. So Dwicky chose to just curl closer to Dib with a weak noise caught in his throat, letting silent unadmitted tears dampen the boy's shirt.

Dib's own eyes were stinging, but he refused to cry. It would only make the situation worse and he didn't want to upset Dwicky more than he had. He said he could handle everything and he would. He didn't want to break apart and make it seem like he already couldn't deal with it all. He tried his best to keep his own emotions under control in order to continue comforting Dwicky, placing a small kiss on top of the man's head before he went back to running his fingers through hair. "Everything will be okay." He tried to keep his voice as strong as he could, he didn't want to crack. "It will all be okay."

It didn't feel like it would, there was no ground to those words, no proof, not when Dib wouldn't admit to why or how. But that didn't matter right now. Dwicky drank in the comfort, sucking in a ragged breath, even if it was stifled against Dib's now damp shirt. He swallowed thickly, and of all things to do he tugged Dib's shirt back down, smoothing the horrid wrinkles he'd left, burying his face back against the boy's chest; out of sight, out of mind. He could only hug Dib tighter.

The one small action had Dib letting out another noise that he couldn't keep in. He allowed Dwicky to hold him as tight as the man wanted, giving the comfort as well as taking some of it for himself. His hand still ran up and down Dwicky's back, but slowed down bit by bit until he was tracing lazy patterns on skin. "I'm sorry." And he really was. For all of it. For upsetting Dwicky so much, making the man worry, not being able to tell him everything. Most of all he was sorry for lying.

For an instant Dwicky didn't want to forgive, he didn't want to accept the apology, he wanted to yell at the boy, tell just how horrible he felt, scream at the boy until he told him want he wanted to hear, until Dib told him what was really wrong; to reject the comfort, the kindness. But as quickly as his anger flared, it died away, drawn away by a small thin finger on his back. He loved Dib too much to stay mad, to hold a grudge; Dib was right, he always won. The boy would always be forgiven. "I love you," he finally managed to choke out in a small voice. "I'm so in love with you. I--I can't get enough of you, Dib. You leave an-and I do nothing but sit on my couch- o-or lay sleeplessly in bed wondering what you're doing, are you okay, do you miss me, are you happy, does it hurt just as much when you're alone too, does the time just crawl as slowly by for you too." Dwicky gave a wet inhale as he rubbed his nose, not bothering with his wet eyes. "... Sometimes all I do is just sit around and think about 'what if's, just waiting." He slowly ran his hand up Dib's side then back down, continuing the weak motion. "I'm in too deep, maybe over my head... I don't think I can lose you after loving you so much." His hand stopped, grasping Dib's shirt so tightly after.

The last words caused Dib to shut his eyes tightly as he tried to push down the guilt that came back full force. His hand that was still buried in Dwicky's hair, closed tightly for a moment before going slack once more. That's when he finally spoke up, but for once he didn't try to stop his voice from cracking. "I never thought I would have something like this, ya know? Someone that cared so much about me." He opened his eyes and stared blankly down at the top of Dwicky's head, giving into the tears that tried to fall. "Every time you say that you love me I just want to hear it again and again because I'm so afraid that one day I'll stop hearing it." He moved his one hand away from Dwicky's back and placed it on top of the man's own. "I miss you so much when I have to be away from you. All I want to do is stay here and be with you, but I can't, and that makes it so much harder."

Dwicky raised his head from Dib's chest, crawling up to kiss Dib, the boy's tears causing him to choke back a sob. "I love you. I love you Dib." New tears rolled down his cheeks, but he didn't care. He kissed Dib again. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so godamn much. And I'll never stop, and I'll never leave you, and you'll never stop hearing it." He pressed his lips to Dib's again, hard but endearingly, letting them linger before he pulled back. He let out a broken sound, his eyes ached and so did the inside of his chest and he didn't bother to wipe away the new tears but he managed to smile just a little bit. "... I love you Dib.. so much."

Dib stared up at Dwicky with wide eyes that were still wet. After a few moments a small noise left him that he quickly tried to cover up as he lifted his arms and placed them around Dwicky's neck, pulling the man down. He pressed a kiss to the other's lips, longer than the rest, wanting to be as close as he could to make up for everything he couldn't tell Dwicky. He wanted to believe everything Dwicky said, but he was still scared that he may never actually hear the words ever again.

Dwicky kissed Dib's lips one more time before he raised a hand to wipe the wet streaks from Dib's cheek, turning his hand over to wipe the other side so very gently. He rested his head back down on Dib's chest, giving another wet sniff. "I love you," he quietly spoke. He continued to stroke the boy's cheek with his fingers, ".. and that's why all of this hurts so much. I'm sorry.. for all of this- I want to trust you- no, I trust you. But it still hurts." Dwicky moved forward again to press a small kiss to the boy's lips. "Don't ever put yourself out on a limb for me.. Don't hurt yourself ever because .. of me." His brows furrowed as he rested back down on Dib's chest.

Dib opened his mouth after those words, but just as quickly he closed it. He was afraid that if he spoke up he would say too much. Instead, he nodded his head just a bit, hoping the action would be enough. One of his hands moved up to rub under his glasses at the tears which refused to stop falling from his eyes. His other hand stayed around Dwicky so he could move fingers up and down the back of the man's head. He had to believe in his own words and just hope that everything would be okay at some point.

Dib's glasses were plucked from his face, carefully closed and then set on the nearby nightstand. Dwicky crawled up until they were level enough that he could nuzzle his wet cheek against Dib's. He shifted beside the boy so he could slip his arms around him, possessively keeping him close. There he allowed his eyes to shut, soothed by the fingers through his hair, he let out a heavy ragged sigh.