Chapter Twenty-Nine: Breakdown: Round Two
An awkward vibration sound is what woke me from my deep slumber. And it felt so good to be in my bed again, too. My eyes stayed closed as I grabbed the phone on my nightstand, swiping across the screen to answer the call.
"Hello?" Whoever was calling shouldn't have had any difficulty in figuring out what I was doing not even twenty seconds earlier.
"Were you sleeping?" Sean's voice pierced my eardrum, being unnaturally loud.
"No, I was just hoping someone like you would call while I was cleaning my ass with a cotton ball," I said, sarcastically and groggily. "Of course I was sleeping, you jack off! What else could I have been doing?"
"I don't know, ogling yourself in a mirror while jacking off, perhaps?"
I grinned in my sleepy state. And to think I could have had these conversations three months ago. Damn memory.
"What do you want?" The words came out slightly slurred. I was pretty tired for some reason, more so than usual.
R"You said everything went alright," Sean said, typical phone static distorting his voice a little. "I just wanted to know the details."
"Sean..." I sat up and stretched a little. "It's three in the morning. Have you not any decency?"
"Sorry." It seemed like sarcasm tainted his voice slightly. "It's six in the evening here, I didn't know."
"Maybe you should keep this is mind, because know I'm gonna be up for the rest of the morning."
"Oh shut up, man. Just play GTA V or something like you usually do."
"Good point."
"Thanks." He cleared his throat. "Now, back to the topic at hand, Hanako. Are you positive it went okay?"
Unconsciously, my head bobbed in a nod as I got out of bed. "Yeah, one hundred percent."
"What'd you do?"
"Explained that it wasn't her fault." That's an obvious overgeneralization, but that's basically what I did.
"Uh-huh."
"Don't you start that 'uh-huh' shit with me, especially not this early."
Sean chuckled. "Yeah, yeah..." He stopped laughing. "Seriously though, you had to've done something else."
Anxiety creeped inside of my hands, both of which rose to the the back of my neck and began digging their nails in while moving back and forth. I hadn't anticipated being asked about what exactly I did, and the innocent kiss on the forehead... Despite it being innocent, I had an odd feeling that it wouldn't go down well with Sean. No matter what I say, they'll end up asking Hanako herself when she's discharged.
A long stream of oxygen inflated my lungs. "Is Lilly around?"
"No, she's out in town with Akira. Why?"
"Okay, now don't get your panties in a wad."
Sean made an audible grunt. "Just spit it out man."
The stored oxygen steadily got released. "I may or may not have kissed her on her forehead." The words came out a little fast.
"Why the hell would I get pissed at that?!" Sean exclaimed after a short pause.
"I don't know!" I shouted back. Remembering it was still very early in the morning, my voice's volume was turned down. "Maybe because you'd end up telling Lilly and she'd probably criticize my actions."
"I don't see why you care."
"She knows Hanako better than the both of us. Me kissing her may have not been a good idea."
"Dude, I can tell you right now that it wasn't a bad idea. God, I didn't you could be so dense."
"Who are you calling dense?"
"You and you know it. That's not the point, though." He cleared his throat. "So, let me get this straight... You went in to Hanako's hospital room, told her it wasn't her fault, and then smooched on her forehead?"
"Not exactly. Generally, ja, but that's not everything."
"Okay then, what did happen?"
My throat was the one being cleared. The events of the previous day came back quickly as I wiped sleep from my eyes.
"Okay," I began. "I'm not gonna tell everything, like a play-by-play or anything. Alright then, so I went into her room and she didn't notice me. I got her attention and she looked at me, then apologizing repeatedly while crying." Air was inhaled.
"And then?" Sean's interest level was pretty high.
"Just hold on, damn. I was taking a breath." I inhaled again. "Okay, she was trying to apologize and all, but I told her to stop. She kept trying to pin the blame for my heart attack on herself, as I predicted, and I still tried getting her to stop. She paused after I said something, and I took the chance to plant my lips on her forehead."
"Talk about weird fetishes."
"Shut up, asshole."
Sean started to snicker. "Alright, alright. So, where are you now?"
"Yamaku." I expected Sean to be surprised.
"What the...?" I was right. "You were in Tokyo! Why are you all the way up there?"
"My best guess is the Student Council."
Sean grunted. "I assume you have no definite reason why?"
"Nope. You know Naomi Inoue?"
"Who?"
"She's the president of the Newspaper Club, I think." I honestly had no clue what position Naomi held in the Newspaper Club.
"Blonde hair, glasses?" Sean asked.
"Yeah."
"Well, I know of her. I saw Hanako with her a couple times. I think she's mentioned her a couple times, too."
Well, at least he knows who I mean. "She's the one who was told about that. She had her boyfriend - who I doubt you know - bring me back."
"What's his name?"
"Katakana."
"Isn't that a syllabary?"
"That's what I said!"
We shared a short laugh before returning to the subject at hand.
"Did she know why they had you taken back up there?" Sean asked.
"Don't think so."
Despite the normal phone-induced distortion, I could hear Sean exhale quite clearly. "This makes no sense."
"It doesn't, but I doubt it's something worth calling in the FBI, CIA, and NSA to investigate," I remarked.
"Yeah, but it's just bugging me for some reason. Is Miki still in Tokyo?"
"That she is. Suzu and the Student Council as well."
As I said it, it became apparent to me that Sean's odd feelings weren't far fetched. I started to feel a little suspicious, too. Not only were the Student Council and likely-feminist narcoleptic girl still in Tokyo, but so was my girlfriend. It really seemed odd.
Why would they send me back here alone? It doesn't make sense. Absolutely none whatsoever.
"Adolf, you still there?" Sean's voice brought me out of thought. That seemed to happen a lot.
"Yeah..." Should I mention it to him, or...?
"Well, I was just gonna tell you I gotta go. Lilly and Akira just got back and we're going to eat dinner."
Guess not. "Well, tell them I said hi."
"Will do. Catch you later."
"Later on."
Sean was the one who hung up. Looking at it, we apparently were talking for about fifteen minutes. I set my phone back down on the nightstand and looked around, a little moonlight seeping into the room and illuminating it some.
I had nothing to do, and while taking Sean up on his advice to play GTA was tempting, it didn't seem practical. Uneasiness crept into my emotions yet again, just when I thought I was free of it. There was something I could do to ease my mind, but I hadn't done it in a while.
Walking to my closet, I snatched up some clothes, put them on, and walked out, locking the door behind me.
The cool morning air felt nice, especially after a shower. It was only going to get hotter, and since the sun had yet to rise, I had close to two hours before things literally heated up. Patting my legs and putting my earbuds in, I began to stretch. It was a little weird, since the wire snaked up on my recently cleaned skin.
It's kind of strange to not see Emi here.
The track felt a little empty with Emi's absence. If she and Hisao returned to Yamaku, I didn't know. For all I knew, they were still in the city at her house. Even if she was here, it's too early for the Fastest Thing On No Legs to speed past those with legs.
I got on the starting line after stretching, getting into proper position. I relaxed and exhaled, blowing a strand of hair out of my face. I need a haircut.
I sprang off, holding my hands behind me with open palms. I was curious if such a running motion would work, as opposed to pumping my arms. Hypothetically, it would work, since there was a rather misshapen streamline caused by the position of the arms and hands. Given the misshapen streamline, however, the hypothetical speed boost wouldn't be immense.
"I! Just died in your arms tonight! Must've been something you said..."
I wasn't really paying attention to the music, but that part of the Cutting Crew song caught my attention as I ran. For some reason, I thought about when I had the heart attack.
I didn't die in her arms, but I did almost die on her chest.
It became an awkward thought, thanks to my teenage mind. Despite that, I kept trucking.
The arms-free, behind-my-back method seemed to be just a pinch faster than how I normally ran. I did keep my torso lower to the ground, however, so that may have had something to do with it. Turning didn't feel any different and I didn't run outside of the lines.
I completed the first lap and continued to run, making like a NASCAR driver and turning left repeatedly. It felt like my mind was clearing, but not so at the same time. The music was likely to blame, but I didn't want to turn it off. By the second turn, another song already started to play.
The starting line passed underfoot for a second time after a couple more turns and I was still going strong. I've still got it. I thought that despite not becoming a complete couch potato. I started to round a corner.
"Visions of better times, kingdoms of lilac wine, why did God fail to improve us?"
Really good question. And better times...
My knees buckled. I forgot how to put one foot in front of the other. I flew over the tarmac. My knees skidded on the track, the skin ripping open as my face and torso landed right in the grass. A mouthful of dirt and grass was always a tasty treat.
Memories of my friends back home, my sister... hell, even of my father when I was a child... they all spontaneously flooded my thoughts. Indeed, they were better times. Times when I was a trilingual carefree child, not a tetra-lingual teen full of despair.
"Teardrops of acid rain, burning down through my veins..."
The waterworks went into full swing. Tears dropped from my eyes and gave the grass an early dose of morning dew. A few minutes later, the waterworks ran out of water, so I ended up just lying there. The cuts on my knees were warm, wet, and stung. My best assumption was that the cuts were either deep, wide and long, or both, resulting in a small amount of blood possibly pooling in the grass.
Face down in the grass, my mind was essentially blank, only words floating around. English words, Japanese words, German words...
Why can't I let go?
華子。。。
Vater... Schwester... Freunde...
Ist nicht gut, Adolf.
"Ich liebe dich, Bruder."
"Son... Be strong... für mich..."
「あ-ありがとう。」
「ごせ-ごせ-ごせ-ごせ。。。」
Let go.
Why am I going through this again? I finally thought consciously.
I continued to lie in the grass, moving feeling futile. My legs still felt wet, and after a few more minutes, I rolled over just enough to check them. Sure enough, there was blood running down them and a small 'puddle' had formed in the grass.
Planting my face back into the dirt, I swore. Running just made my mental state worse. My iPod was fine and still playing music, something I didn't have the urge to turn off despite being the cause of my less-than-acceptable mental state at the time.
"...America, don't you cry. Give me strength to press on..."
Those lyrics started to sink in, slowly but surely. Who did give me strength to press on? Who patted me on the back, told me everything was alright? Like I concluded at the hospital the day before, no one. I was in the same boat as Hanako, never having someone to console me and it finally caught up to me. Emily and I cried and grieved together about our father's death, but Emily's death was a whole different ball game. I grieved for a couple days and attempted to move on.
The truth was, I kept myself going. No one but me, yet there I was on the ground, legs bloody and cut open, waiting for someone to console me. Waiting for someone to pull me in a tight embrace and tell me I wasn't at fault.
No... No! You've gotten by without it. You're stronger than this, man. You can do it, for sure...
Despite my attempts to reassure myself of my strength, I stayed face down in the grass. I felt drained of energy, the polar opposite of the Energizer Bunny. Just because of one little thought induced by a song. Fuck the human mind and its workings.
The grass was cool and it would have been relaxing, were I not so morose at the time.
I must've lied in the grass for a good ten minutes or so, absolutely nothing going through my mind. When I finally got the urge to move, I did so quite lethargically. Nothing was beckoning me to move faster, so I didn't.
When I propped up on my knees, a sting of pain shot through both of my legs, mainly around my knees. The grass blades rubbing up on the wounds caused the pain. The pain wasn't the worst I'd ever felt, causing me to just shrug the pain off. Rising to my feet also hurt, again because of the cuts on my legs. The sliced skin was contracting and expanding as I stood, causing the pain. I wasn't going to wince or groan in pain, but the constant pain was irritating. Once I was standing at my full height and began walking, the pain didn't stop. The cuts weren't bleeding, but if the skin moved enough, they would reopen.
It doesn't matter if they do. I've been through worse.
I wasn't lying to myself. I had been through much worse.
I started walking away, music still playing. I ripped the earbuds out of my ears and shoved them into my pocket. I accidentally stepped into the small blood pool in the grass and blood got onto the bottom of my shoe. Since I stepped back onto the track, a bloody footprint was made, though it wasn't complete nor extremely obvious.
My trek to the nurse's office was silent and slightly painful. The cuts reopened a little, a small trickle of blood running down my legs for a good portion of the walk.
I opened the door to the auxiliary building and stepped inside. The blood had trickled down my legs more, causing my socks to turn a shade of red. The door shut behind me and I looked for the head nurse's office. I walked down the dark, cool hallway until the room's door was in front of me.
While there was certainly a possibility of the nurse being asleep or something, I had to chance it. Besides, he told me there's medical staff on hand twenty-four/seven.
My hand raised and it came down on the door in a knock, one that was a little harder than intended. A second knock followed, then a third. Waiting for a response was next on the to-do list.
"Come in," a familiar voice echoed.
The door handle, which was already in my grasp, got turned and the door creaked open. The ensuing view wasn't shocking, since it hadn't changed and will likely never change. The generic doctor's office feel was oddly soothing, though. The nurse was looking at papers on his desk, his back hunched over. He looked up when the door closed behind me.
"Mister Riese!" the nurse exclaimed as he recognized me. "It's been a while!" His eyes drifted down to my legs, to which sight he frowned at.
"It has, hasn't it?" I responded, quite emotionless.
"Take a seat and we can catch up." He pointed towards one of the chairs.
Nodding, I sat in a chair. Nurse went off to grab some things, likely hydrogen peroxide and bandaging, and I just glanced around the room. There were some files on the desk that I could make out, most of which belonging to third-years I knew. There was also one file open, but I couldn't see whose it was. The names on the others were in Japanese and English.
リンチュ・ショーン (Lynch, Sean)
石田あかり (Ishida, Akari)
鈴木珠洲 (Suzuki, Suzu)
瀬藤健二 (Setou, Kenji)
中井久夫 (Nakai, Hisao)
御門椎名 (Mikado, Shiina)
手塚琳 (Tezuka, Rin)
トカレフ・マイケル (Tokarev, Mikhail)
浜崎コウタ (Hamasaki, Kouta)
立華春花 (Tachibana, Haruka)
Didn't know Misha's real name was Shiina, I thought.
The nurse came back with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and some bandages, as I predicted, but also with two cloths, one damp and the other dry. He straightened my left leg and pulled up the damp cloth. He started to wipe away the blood and grass.
"How'd you do this?" he asked.
"Track," was my answer.
The nurse looked up for a second, his eyebrows cocked, before looking back down. "You're out of the hospital not even twelve hours and you're back in the care of a doctor. You must be a glutton for punishment."
"No, I just love the medical atmosphere and sterile scent of a doctor's office."
He chuckled and kept wiping. It was irritating, but no flinches were had. He proceeded to do the same to my right leg when he finished.
Once he was done cleaning the wounds, he set the damp cloth to the side, grabbed the dry one and the peroxide bottle, and dampened the cloth with the liquid.
"Would you care to explain how you did this on the track?" he asked, threateningly holding the cloth above the cuts on my right leg.
"I was running, had a brain fart, forgot how to run, and basically tripped." My answer was quick and one-quarter lie.
The hydrogen peroxide-dampened cloth began its campaign against my wounds, which actually burned worse than I thought it would. An unintentional wince was made on my part because of that.
"I'm curious as to why you were on the track this early. Did Emi's enthusiasm catch on?"
The nurse chuckled while I grimaced. There wasn't any real reason to tell him, but there also wasn't one to not.
He's not your therapist, though. No reason to bother him with this kind of thing.
Maybe he can help me out, though.
Doubtful, dumbass.
Waging a war within myself wasn't going to help at all, so I took the safe approach: not mentioning it, but keeping in mind to do so later should I feel the need to.
"Yeah, maybe it did," I replied without any emotion.
The nurse looked up at me once more, his eyes grazing over me in a quizzical manner. He refocused on my leg and continued applying the hydrogen peroxide. A few winces later, he began bandaging it.
"So, did you enjoy your time in Tokyo?" he asked as he prepared to apply the disinfectant to my other leg.
"How'd you know about that?" I asked, genuinely interested.
"Well, I received a call from Kānto Central and was told that you were admitted to the hospital. You and Hanako Ikezawa. That struck me as odd."
I shuddered, unintentionally thinking about how Hanako was after she got hit. "Why'd they call you?"
The nurse started applying the disinfectant. "The hospital likely checked for anyone to contact and, since you're here on a student visa, they called the school. Said call was redirected to me since all medical calls are redirected to me."
That's... pretty logical. Though, that doesn't explain why Kenji was there, but nothing probably will.
"That makes sense. I guess you could say-" I winced. "-I enjoyed it."
The nurse nodded, a grin slowly making an appearance on his face. "Spend time with anyone? Your girlfriend, perhaps?"
Not surprised he knows about Miki and myself.
"Yeah, and some others."
The nurse cocked his head, still applying the hydrogen peroxide. "Oh? Like who?"
"The Student Council and Suzu Suzuki."
The nurse shook his head. "You must've had quite the time."
"Yeah, I did." You have no freaking idea.
The hydrogen peroxide was done being applied on my left leg, so the nurse grabbed the bandages. He began bandaging and continued talking.
"I hope you don't mind me asking, you really shouldn't, but how exactly did this heart attack occur?"
I groaned. Getting real sick of repeating this. "Long story short, I saw Ikezawa in a live house and she saw me. She got startled for some reason and ran out into the streets. I followed. We ran through the streets and she got hit by a car."
The nurse finished bandaging my leg and stood, only to sit in his standard-issue rolling chair.
"I knew she got hit by the car, and the live house - which was ridiculously shocking, I might add - but what about you?"
A sigh forced itself out of my lungs. "When she got hit, my chest began hurting, though it was mild. Kind of like when you get heartburn, but just a pinch worse. I ran to her side, and when I saw her face..." I quickly determined to not get into detail about what I was reminded of. "...I collapsed on top of her."
The nurse had a pen and paper out, which I didn't notice until I finished talking.
"Saw face, collapsed due to heart attack..." he muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and looked back at me. "My best guess is that you were reminded of a previous trauma, which caused your heart to pump much faster due to a dangerous amount of stress."
How the hell was he so spot on?
"You're right, actually," I said, still shocked that he did that.
The nurse, however, frowned a bit more. "That's not good. You need to avoid reaching that point of stress. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume said memories were repressed?"
I nodded. The nurse's questions weren't quite making me feel any better about myself, though I knew that wasn't his goal.
"Not good at all..." He spun around and grabbed the open file on his desk. The cover of the folder read リーサ・アドルフ (Riese, Adolf).
"It's a good thing I was already looking at your file," he commented, slightly less grim than before.
Definitely. I fidgeted and grimaced some.
He eyed me up again. "Alright, I can kind of tell that you're getting a little uncomfortable with this, so I'll just put this in here..." He put the piece of paper in the file. "...and get you to come back sometime later to discuss that. However, since you're here..."
"What?" Didn't he say he was done with this?
"Your physical ability is superb. The fact that you were able to keep up with even Emi - and surpassing her, according to some rumors - without suffering the slightest symptom of a heart attack is amazing. Running on the track team is another interesting feat."
"What are you getting at?" I was getting more irritated.
"The next trimester is coming up, and I was wondering if you wanted to add P.E. to your schedule."
I cocked my eyebrows. Can he even do that?
"Maybe, I don't know."
The nurse nodded. "That's fine, given your recent incident. Just let me know before the trimester starts, alright?"
My head bobbed in my typical nod. I really didn't want to have gym. Maybe I can ask for a free period next trimester.
"Okay, so I'm done?" I asked.
The nurse grinned. "Yep! Just don't get frisky with all of those girls just because your girlfriend isn't here, alright?"
I couldn't help but crack a smile. "Don't worry, I won't."
The nurse nodded, still grinning. "I don't think I'll have to worry if you do."
"I'll have to worry if I do." I knew exactly what he meant.
"Exactly. Well, if any more issues arise, just remember that I'm here."
"Alright," I said with a nod and stood. I started to open the door, but looked back, suddenly realizing something. "Do you ever sleep?"
"Crime doesn't sleep, neither should I," he said, his silly grin plastered on his face.
"But you're not Batman or some crime fighter."
"Your injuries were hurting you, correct?" I nodded. "They were assaulting you, causing pain, and that's a crime. Think about it."
I shook my head, still grinning. "Okay, Doctorman." The door got opened, cool air from the stone hallway seeping in.
The nurse laughed aloud. "Alright, don't get hurt, and remember." His face got serious. "Don't get extremely stressed."
I nodded and left the office. The door closed behind me and the grin stayed in the room. Walking down the hall with my expressionless face, it occurred to me that staying stress-free was impossible.
Well, he did say only to not be as stressed as when I had the heart attack.
I sighed and kept walking, the bandaging feeling more uncomfortable than the exposed cuts. It was an uncomfortable necessity, one that was caused by my mental instability.
The door to the outside was a mere obstacle in the journey back to my dorm room. Staying stress-free would mean that I stay there and keep to myself.
The grounds weren't as lifeless as they were an hour and a half earlier, but they were still pretty lifeless. Some early risers were up, a couple of whom I recognized. Names eluded me, however.
I earned a couple sideways glances as I walked past the others, mainly because of the bandaging and dried blood on my legs. The nurse didn't clean off the dried blood that was below or away from the wounds. Since the wounds had to be reopened to disinfect, some blood was noticeable through the bandaging, as well.
Regardless of their goofy glances, I continued on, stoic as ever. The discomfort I felt seemed to grow with each and every step. When I did reach my destination, I felt a little relieved. I pushed the door open and walked into the common area to be met by an early bird, one with brown hair and a yellow hairband.
"Hey Adolf. It's been a week or so, huh?" Haruhiko's was in his usual spot, the couch.
"Yeah, it has," I said monotonously. "I'm gonna go try and get some more sleep, so, see ya."
"Yeah," he said with a sideways nod. "See ya later."
Walking up the stairs, nothing of importance happened. The same with entering my room, nothing special happened. I kicked off my shoes and walked to the bed, flopping on it and exhaling deeply. Why did I have to lose it again?
Turning on my side and taking my iPod out of my pocket, it seemed as though an answer wouldn't present itself. My eyes started to feel kind of heavy, so I closed them. It was six in the morning and I already ran, had a breakdown, and got hurt, all without breakfast.
You're a miracle worker, Adolf.
Slowly, my consciousness started to drift away, which was probably a good thing. I figured sleep would help clear my mind. A run on the track didn't, so it was worth a shot.
"Daddy..." a young boy sniffles. His older sister wraps her arm around him and the two sob.
"It's alright, kids," an adult male says, his eyes red from crying.
Many people surround the burial site in the cemetery, largely relatives, but also some friends and coworkers of the children's father.
"Onkel, why did daddy have to go?" the girl asks.
"I don't know, Em," her uncle replies. His reply doesn't reassure neither of the children, especially not the boy.
The boy stands still, tears streaming down his face as he stares at his father's grave. He feels like it's his fault that his father died. He's not naïve like others his age. He knows his father died and he blames himself for that.
"Du bist gut, Adolf?" his uncle asks.
'Nein,' he wants to say. He can't explain why he feels terrible, besides the fact that his father died. Instead, Adolf nods.
"Ja, Onkel," he sobs. "Ja, ich bin gut."
AN: Mister Vault 101 here with a new chapter of ADD! I apologize for the month long waits for this chapter and the last. This chapter was actually longer than I expected, since I have to type on my iPod now.
The lack of Russian is due to how infrequently Adolf uses it. The music lyrics as a trigger felt necessary (I used it in a scene I wrote for the VN I'm working on). The review that is just ":why" really bugs me, no clue :why.
Also, I may begin another fanfiction, this one of High School of the Dead. I know, I need to work on what I have started, but I'm gonna make like NWA and fuck the police (not literally).
Lastly, thanks Clarky19 for three of the names on files. And, Praegressus, it's a shame to see you go, watashi no tomodachi. Best wishes on further endeavors! (I just interpreted that thing in your most recent AN as you leaving)
Lastly lastly, GTA V is GOTY.
