I woke up with frustration. I was full of questions. Who was I? What did I do for a living? Where did I live? Had I parents who were worried about me? Did I have brothers or sisters?
I thought about a lot of things. The women who visited me yesterday and claimed to be my friends. And those three girls who were my children. I should have had memories about pushing three humans out of my vagina?
Having no memories sucks. I hoped somebody looked after my children.
I thought about Chloe. I must have done something good in my life that I deserved such a beautiful woman beside me. I wished I could remember how we had met. I wished somebody told me anything about my self. Now I was just a body without memories, without a history. I was a blank page.
But what if my life was miserable? Would it be better to not know? Would it be better to start over? I don't know what was scarier. Having no memories or going back to a life I maybe had hated?
Deep down a voice said I wanted to know who I was. That I was happy with my life. That things were good the way they were.
And I wanted to remember anything about my daughters. Their time as babies and when they were little. I wanted to know who the friends were who had visited me.
A knock on my door took me from my thoughts.
"Come in" I said.
The door opened and two women came in. A brunette and a blonde. They both had a book in their hands.
I didn't recognize them so I said "hi".
"Hey Beca, I'm Jessica and she is Ashley" the blonde said while pointing to the brunette.
"We understand that you don't know who we are" Ashley said.
"But we are some friends of you. And we wanted to check if you are okay" Jessica finished the sentence.
Before she could reply, Jessica walked up to her.
"We brought you some photos" she pointed to the books in her hand.
"We thought it might help bring back your memories" Ashley said walking to her other side.
I stared at them. The way they finished each other's sentences was really weird.
"This is a photo album with pictures of your time at Barden University" Jessica said.
"And this is a photo album of your triplets. You gave it to us last Christmas" Ashley finished.
Shortly after they gave me the albums they left. They promised to come back soon.
She was alone again with her thoughts. Barden University? It didn't ring a bell. So she knew her friends since college apparently.
She opened the album with the pictures of herself from college. Maybe it would bring back something.
She saw pictures of her younger self. And younger versions of the women that had visited her. She looked better at the pictures.
Why the hell was I dressed in a flight attended suit? What the hell did she do in college? I looked at every picture but it didn't bring back any memories.
I took the second album and looked at the photos of my children. I saw myself in the pictures but it didn't bring back any memories or feelings. It left me frustrated.
It sucked to be trapped in a body you don't have memories of. I mean I had several tattoos. But why did I got them? What did they mean to me. I saw scars that I didn't know how I got them. I wore jewellery I didn't know how I got them. Nothing about myself was familiair. Yeah, my tattoos. Not that I know when I got them. But apparently I have them for a really long time.
Being alone in this hospital room didn't help me either. I wish somebody would come to visit me. Would talk to me. Tell me something about myself.
I wished I could go home. But then again I didn't even know were I lived. Did I have a home? Was it a nice neighbourhood? I really didn't know. How could I go home? How could I take care of my children if I didn't even know who I was?
